Apocalypzia

The Sad Strange Heaven of Harold Camping

apoc@apocalypzia.com — 2011-05-23T09:38:16-05:00

Perhaps by his own definition, Harold Camping is the very essence of that which he has devoted his near-century of life waging holy war against. ...This blog was, in fact, launched as a send-up/mash-up of all the end-of-the-world doomsayers out there. ...But when asked to show his work, what came out of Camping's mouth was a jumble of jackleg jargon indistinguishable from numerology, gibberish and Sudoku. ...Having finessed his way through a previous bungled warning of the coming wrath of God back in 1994, Camping soldiered on and came up with a new and improved drop-dead date. A few years ago, Camping told his followers that he had raised his game and could now assure a 2011 Rapture with a Fed Ex guarantee. He blamed his 17 year error on not yet being familiar enough with the nuances of his scripture-on-scripture approach to bible study. ...It's important to note that Camping didn't just predict a May 21 Rapture, he also predicted an October 21 Armageddon. ...He described in specific detail exactly what would happen -- and when -- as the Saved, both alive and dead, ascended into the air with on-time precision at 6pm in each global time zone. ...He articulated how those Left Behind would spend the next five months, waiting for worldwide destruction, stumbling through the ejected and mouldering remains of the unforgiven dead. ...organization that Camping heads to spread his message, is quoted as saying that relatively few staff members ever bought into the whole Eve of Destruction scenario. For them, working at Family Radio was just a job and a way to pay the rent. ...He seemed to actually believe that, had his predicted Rapture not put an end to human history, his name would have been emblazoned alongside all the other blessed prophets chosen by God to hear the whispered secrets of the divine. As it is, Harold Camping is a flabbergasted and bewildered 89 year old who has wasted his existence soliciting and spending millions of dollars to warn the world of danger that never did, and never would, manifest. ...Eight years ago, we were told that, indeed, the world would end unless weapons of mass destruction were wrestled from the soon-to-be-dead hands of Sadaam Hussein. These words were presented to us with no less hubris and certainty than Camping's exclamations about the End-of-Days. And three years ago, we were told that if we didn't hand over a trillion dollars ransom to thieving Wall Street fat cats, this sucker (an amusing and pathetic metaphor for the global economy) could go down. ...As of this writing, Harold Camping has not yet fully emerged from hiding after his not-so-excellent adventure this weekend. He is expected to make an official statement sometime May 23, most likely on his weeknight call-in talk show, Open Forum. Since May 21, Family Radio has broadcast tapes of old Camping sermons that pre-date his Rapture prediction. ...Will he fall on his sword and take responsibility for advising the world to forsake their earthly obligations for a chance at an E-Ticket to Paradise? Or will he, instead, blame the whole fiasco on a media that somehow took his words "out of context?" ...Perhaps he's spent the weekend re-crunching his numbers and has a revised timetable for the end of time. Or perhaps Brother Camping will pull a Bobby Ewing when he steps out of his Monday morning shower and act as if the non-events of this past weekend have been erased from our collective backstory. ...linkname=&linkurl=http%3A%2F%2Fapocalypzia.com">

Women of the Apocalypse: Helen Mirren

apoc@apocalypzia.com — 2011-04-12T09:42:25-05:00

Forever Young In 1975, Helen Mirren participated in a saucy and friction-filled interview with the BBC's Michael Parkinson. She was England's sexy ingenue at the time. There was quite a bit of verbal sparring between the two as Helen chose to define herself rather than allow others to do that for her. Some thirty years later, Parkinson interviewed Helen again. Notice how the vibe has changed now as Helen over the preceding 30 years has remained sexy in every way yet has redefined the term in the process. Age of Consent One of Helen's first major screen roles was in Age of Consent with James Mason. where she played a Lolita type waif. She is charming and gorgeous.

Mr. Trololo Guy

apoc@apocalypzia.com — 2011-03-02T11:01:24-06:00

The Real Reason Why the Soviet Union Collapsed? Stephen Colbert helped to make Eduard Khil a viral video phenomenon not long ago. Colbert presented one of the most amazing and bizarre lip-sync performances of all time. And since his Comedy Central debut, Khil, born in Smolensk, Russia, has come to be known as Mr. ...Khil didn't think the actual lyrics this song were all that interesting: "I'm riding the prairie on my stallion, a mustang as such, and my sweetheart Mary now knits a stocking for me, a thousand miles away from here." Probably a good call to go with the tro-lo-lo approach. ...And just as US singer Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up video became fodder for the clever minds that create YouTube mashup videos, intriguing variations of Mr. Trololo Guy's spirited 1976 performance are all over the internet. ...

Tools: What It Takes To Do Your Best

apoc@apocalypzia.com — 2011-03-03T13:00:02-06:00

If we just had the right tools, everything would be great, right? If we just had that new gadget, that state-of-the-art latest piece of technology, there would be no stopping us. ...Then what we could do would be limited only by our own imagination. ...When it came time for Roger Bannister to Just Do It, he did something that had never been done before. ...And he didn't do it in $300 Nikes or Pumas. ...As a 25 year old in 1954, Bannister ran a mile in 3:59:40 seconds. Twenty years later, Bannister was the unfortunate victim of a head-on car collision. ...A section of a car tire as used by some Kenyan runners to reduce impact. ...There is more computing power in your cellphone than what Neil and Buzz had available when they landed on the moon. ...Com, the 30 year old IBM XT computer that you got rid of years ago had 8 times more memory than the Apollo 11 on-board computer. The lunar team had 2k of memory and 32k of storage to work with. ...These guys got to the moon with less computing power than the Garmin GPS device we use to get to the mall. ...Their first hits were recorded on a BTR (British Tape Recorder) like the one shown above. The iconic Sergeant Pepper Album was recorded on a 4-track Studer J37, a marvel of its day. The Garageband application that shipped free with your Mac can record up to 64 tracks. ...Meriwether Lewis and William Clark led their exploration party, boldly, where few had gone before. President Thomas Jefferson charged Lewis and Clark with finding a navigable cross-continental waterway to the Northwest. ...It was simple, fragile boats like these that carried them on their long, treacherous and historic journey up the Missouri River. ...He didn't have a computer or an iPad 2 with spellcheck and cut/copy/paste. ...And by the way he did all that he did before dying at the age of 52. ...It didn't start in a well-appointed walnut-paneled boardroom or in the strategic planning department of a multi-million dollar hedge fund operation. ...The message for us all: What can we do today with what we've got?

Creepy TV

apoc@apocalypzia.com — 2011-02-21T14:38:59-06:00

... ... ... ...Before Cable TV and Netflix the only way to see classic scary movies was on some local TV station late on a Saturday night. ... ...When Jerry G. left the show in the late 1970s, he handed over the reins to one of his young writers, the brilliant and hilarious Rich Koz. ...Rich was originally billed as the Son of Svengoolie until a number of years later he was bequeathed, by Jerry G., the full Svengoolie monicker. ... ... ...linkname=&linkurl=http%3A%2F%2Fapocalypzia.com">