It’s a gorgeous day for a wedding — which, incidentally, starts in twenty minutes or so. Pace Smith and Kyeli Smith are getting married at 2:12pm this afternoon at their awesome house in Austin Texas, and you can “be here” too, if you want to follow along. I’ll be liveblogging the wedding the way I would usually liveblog a conference (I don’t know whose idea this was, but I am SO diggin’ it).

This means that you can refresh this page and read all the bits and pieces as they happen.

Glorious, huh?

Important points:
* I will be tweeting from Pace’s Twitter account.
* Video and later, photos will go up in my Flickrstream.
* All you need to do is refresh to see the latest bits of text — and feel free to comment profusely!

More coming soon!

The yard behind the house is filled with chairs and the sun is shining. Nathan is ringing a gong. This probably means that something awesome is starting. “Everyone! Please be seated” he says to everyone, already seated “…and silence your cell phones.” Of course!

A beautiful woman whose name I don’t know comes to the front: “By the earth, which is her body. By the air, which is her vital breath. By the fire of her bright spirit. And by the living waters of her womb. By all the powers above and all the powers below and all the powers that gather in between, the circle is cast. We are between the worlds. What happens between the worlds changes us and all the worlds. So mote it be.”

Whatever this song is, I love it. I see bridesmaids walking around the edge of the fence, coming around to the back. They’re all in shades of blue, so pretty!

A girl scatters lavender flower petals in front and Kyeli is walking around back with her mother. She’s dressed in gorgeous white, with blue in her hair and huge yellow flowers! There are blue ribbons. She’s smiling.

Whoever picked the wedding music ROCKS. Do you think we can get them to give us the playlist to post here? ;}

Pace is walking around back now, coming towards the front. She’s bouncing to the cutest Japanese techno song EVER. She’s in white and she’s grinning and she has pink flowers. She’s so pretty! Her dress is all white with a bright pink ribbon tying up the back. I love it!

Pace and Kyeli are facing each other. Pace is reading something in another language — maybe more than one language. Kyeli is saying something that sounds like a story. “You not only disturb me, she said. You shatter my entire existence.”

Nathan is officiating in a black Utilikilt. He says: “We join Pace and Kyeli for their joyous… illegal wedding ceremony.” Gleeful laughter from those attending. He says, this isn’t legal in Texas — and that’s TOO BAD FOR TEXAS. Look what Pace and Kyeli have done. They’ve built a family, they spend their time encouraging people to grow and change the world. They haven’t done this by hiding who they are. They live their lives brightly, like shared beacons…”

“Just as surely as Pace and Kyeli have reached out to us, we have an opportunity to reach out to them. Marriage isn’t just the union of two people. It’s the union of the community.”

“It’s confusing and lonely to be isolated the way many of us find ourselves. We can’t persist alone, we can’t thrive like that. What we can do is open our eyes and open our hearts to others. We can search our own hearts, know our own selves, know our capacity for love, kindness, forgiveness, empathy…”

“We can look around us and see opportunities to connect. We can see others not despite their fear and uncertainty, but including it. Seeing them as whole humans who may have sometimes walked a rocky path but not without carrying love, hope, and compassion in our hearts — just as we have.”

There are bamboo wind chimes hanging from the edge of the porch. There’s a gentle breeze and it smells like grass and incense and happy people.

I can’t see Kyeli’s face, but I can see Pace’s. Marty has snuck around to the other side to take video!

“This cord symbolizes Pace and Kyeli’s intent to join together today…”

There’s a professional photographer getting much better pictures than I would have gotten — so I am paying attention to text! Kyeli is saying, “You really see me. You really understand me. And when you don’t, you figure me out. You nourish me, you challenge me, you give me space to grow in my own way. My heart knows your heart, and in that knowledge I find peace and love.” Her voice is breaking and they’re TOTALLY in tears, still beaming.

“To give you space to be who you are, no matter who you are.”

“And that no random shoes that we may come across shall bring about the end of our relationship, be they single or in pairs.” Okay, lots of people laughed at that one. Did I hear wrong?

“The moment I met you Kyeli, I thought that you were really hot…” Pace is saying her vows, now. The audience giggles. “Today, I see your heart. I see kindness. I see honesty, generosity, a yearning for growth, a longing for peace. And I see love. I love you, Kyeli. I love you with all my heart, and I accept you as you are — all that you are.”

And then she said the shoes thing again. Someone is going to have to explain the shoe thing to me, so mote it be.

Nathan: “As you have poured these waters together, so too have you mingled your lives.” He continues: Amethyst has long held spiritual significance for Pace and Kyeli, which is why they have chosen it for their rings, to symbolize ongoing commitment and love.

The camera is clicking as they take out the rings. Kyeli is wearing these super spiffy white knit arm warmers with her gown, they look spectacular.

“You have made this commitment to each other in community and with the blessing of the divine. Do you, Kyeli, take Pace to be your unlawfully wedded wife?” “I do.” “Do you, Pace, take Kyeli to be your unlawfully wedded wife?” “I do.”

Nathan’s voice gets louder and more powerful, and he goes on: “By the power vested in me by the Universal Life Church and in blatant defiance of the state of Texas, I now pronounce you… WIFE… AND WIFE!” CHEERING! “Make with the kissing!”

We all milled around the back yard for awhile, eating and talking. Then Pace and Kyeli returned — “Ahem, AHEM! Ladies and gentlemen… PACE… AND KYELI!” — and had their beautiful first dance! I scrambled around the internet looking for a way to upload their wedding mix, and didn’t find anything that wouldn’t be far more illegal than the wedding. So I’m saving that bit for later!

Toast, toast! Kellan is toasting, and I hope he won’t be upset if I spelled his name wrong. ^_^

“…They’re already married, but they finally get to put together the ceremony they’ve always wanted. (They’re famous revolutionaries, you know.)” There’s all this emotion in his voice.

“I continue to learn from them. They inspire me to improve myself and my marriage. They bring hope to the institution of marriage — it makes me very happy that they have each other.”

Amanda is toasting now, too. “I’ve been in their living room while they were fighting, and it’s beautiful. They really do practice what they preach. I know that this will work. It’s beautiful.” Clapping and clapping!

Green: “This is a poem that I wrote about a week ago. I really wanted to create something that would share what I have learned from these amazing and wonderful ladies…” And she reads her awesome poem.

Kyeli: “And now we’re gonna make with the cake!”

Kyeli explains the shoe thing, while someone gets a knife to cut the cake! “Very early on in our relationship we were having some trouble and we had gone for a walk.” They’re using dinosaurs to illustrate. “And we came upon a lone shoe in a field. Gasp! Oh no! The full moon hit this shoe, hit the shiny bits, and Pace said, ‘OH NO! A SHOE! OUR RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED!’ And I said, A shoe? A SHOE is going to doom our relationship? And we decided not to let the shoe destroy our relationship, and indeed, not to let ANY shoe destroy our relationship.” Cheering!

If you’re a member of the Freak Revolution Coffee House, you can join us in this great thread started by David to wish the brides well!

The cake, made by the lovely Michael and Gemma of Curious Confections:

The bouquets!

And a lot of bubbles…!

Thank you so much for joining us over the glorious intarwubs! Please take a moment to wish the happy brides well in the comments. ^_^

Peace out. ;}

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Tomorrow!

Since yesterday, friends and family galore have been flying in and driving in and generally showing up to be part of our 6-day Wedding Extravaganza. We have 100 people, all told, loved ones from near and far.

If you couldn’t make it (or didn’t get an invite) – no worries! Megan will be live-blogging it, so keep hitting refresh on our blog during the wedding (starting at 2:12pm Central on Saturday) to virtually be here with us. We wanted to invite every single one of you to be here in person, but with a little venue and an even littler budget, we couldn’t. Rest assured, you’re all in our hearts. (If you want to give us wedding presents, we’d be delighted if you’d donate to our honeymoon fund! Woo, Ireland!)

So, anyway, why am I bothering you on this fine November morning?

Here’s why.

Two years ago, I would never have believed that I could have a faery-tale wedding. In about 30 hours, it’s happening.

We don’t have a lot of money.

We don’t have a lot of time.

We don’t have a lot of knowledge about weddings.

We don’t even live in a state that will recognize our marriage.

But Pace and I both wanted a faery-tale wedding. We wanted the whole shebang, from fancy dresses to flower girls to a glorious cake. We didn’t want to put it off til we had all the things we didn’t have.

It was our dream, and we made it come true.

It hasn’t been easy. It’s been downright terrifying at times, in fact. (Like a venue change less than a week before the event! Yikes!) But it’s happening – tomorrow – and we’re both incredibly happy and in love and super excited. (I doubt we’ll get much sleep tonight!)

All too often, obstacles are things we subconsciously put in our own path, to keep us safe in the feeling that we can’t do the things we most want – not because we’re stupid or assholes or whatever, but because we simply can’t.

But what if you could? What then?

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I have been living in this skin for nearly 33 years, and I have never really looked at myself. Too fat, too scared, too ugly, too afraid of what I’d find.

Yesterday, I did. I stopped hiding from myself. I took out my mirror and my camera and photographed the miracle I call home, this body I find myself growing to know – and more, to love.

And here I am.

Curled up on the couch; I love sitting like this.

My breasts and arm.

My non-striped, boot-ill-fitting legs.

And my face. Just my face, just as I look all the time. Messy hair, not posed, not faking a smile, not using the ever-so-flattering-and-popular MySpace angle.

Just me.

I am awed by my body. Such a perfect flawless machine, such a beautiful vessel for spirit. My heart beats, my lungs fill and empty, my muscles respond. I blink. I eat and I poop. I cast circle, moving without thinking, letting magick fill my body.

My body.

So long neglected, so long unheard. So long have I feared and hated it, tried to squish it into the One True Shape™, betrayed it, and generally been utterly horrible to it.

Now, I will love it. Now, I will learn to work in harmony with my body, to more fully integrate, to stop punishing myself for not fitting into mainstream in yet another way. I don’t beat myself up for being gay or for being a Witch, so no more beating myself up for being fat.

It’s like a rhinoceros trying to be a unicorn. No matter how hard she diets or runs on a treadmill, it won’t work; she’ll always be the shape she is – and that’s perfect for a rhino.

My shape is perfect for me. Now, in this moment and in every moment, my shape is perfect.

And so is yours.

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Samhain is the end of the old year and the beginning of the new; a perfect time for reflection and introspection. This post is different from all the other posts in our blog; it’s a glimpse into the whole of our year, not just the bloggy or businessy bits. I don’t give a lot of context here, so feel free to ask if you wish.

In November, in fact through all of November, December, and January, I was vegan. We began our Communication for the Holidays telecourse, which ran all the way up to Yule. It went well! We chose the subtitle for The Usual Error: “Why We Don’t Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better”. I dealt with my depression by making a habit of happiness. Kyeli and I celebrated our 4th anniversary of being together, Marty finished the cover art for The Usual Error, and Megan finished the design.

In December, at long last, after three years of work, we published The Usual Error. This was when we published the limited edition: the one with the orange cover. We sold all 100 of the limited edition copies within 4 days! I helped organize the Triiibes Blog Project. Kyeli’s grandfather died. I went to Dallas to be there for her during the funeral, and there was some Conservatives vs. Lesbians drama. We came home and put together a fun Yule quest for Dru, and I arranged an elaborate multi-step Yule quest for Kyeli. This is also when Dru started going to counseling.

In January, I joined the Kitchen Table, Havi stayed with us for a few days, we celebrated Dru’s 11th birthday, Dru started his first semester of co-op (school for unschoolers), and we published the unlimited edition of The Usual Error (the one with the blue cover) on Amazon. We started sharing chapters from The Usual Error on our blog, one per week. I wrote down everything I learned about self-publishing. The heartspace side of me and the headspace side of me had a beautiful conversation. Kyeli and I took Iron Pentacle class with Kira and Helix, learned and grew a lot, and shared a lot of what we learned.

In February, we tried a 30-day trial of eating only raw food. It failed spectacularly for many reasons, one of which was that our 30-day trial overlapped our move from our apartment to The Chalk. Other than Heather and Stuart’s wedding (at which we gave a blessing of communication), that pretty much consumed our February. Oi.

In March, we shifted the focus of our business (which was, at the time, PaceAndKyeli.com) from communication coaching to alternative relationship coaching. Not long thereafter, we had our first paid relationship coaching call! We first heard about the tapestry thing, the you-never-make-a-mistake thing, and I took a couple of slices out of my stress pie. We went to SXSW, saw a Jonathan Coulton concert, and hung out with Naomi and oodles upon oodles of other lovely and amazing people. We went to Sea World where Dru fell in love with the orcas and decided he wanted to be an orca trainer, we went to Houston to see Kyeli’s grandmother’s house before they tore it down, and there was a fist-sized hailstorm that totalled our car. (Kyeli stopped me from rushing outside to bring the car into the garage. Thanks, hon, I could have been brained!) And we celebrated Kyeli’s birthday! Yay! I got her a very slow shoe.

In April, we started posting Freaky Thursday and Revolutionary Tuesday video entries on the blog, as lead-up to a big announcement. This and the preparation for the big thing took up most of our time.

In May, Kyeli and I celebrated Beltane by playing Chuzzle on the moon! We were afraid our website had been hacked into sending spam, but it turned out to be just SMTP header spoofing. We had lunch with my friend Nick right before he moved to Portland (like everyone else we know). On May 11th, we dropped everything to follow our hearts. We completely redesigned our business and our website so we could lead the Freak Revolution. In less earth-shattering news, I got to Inbox Zero for the first time in 14 years. Oh, and we went to A-kon!

In June, we launched the Freak Revolution Coffee House (our forum), we were mentioned on ishmael.org, we switched to a cash-based system for managing our personal finances, and there was the big hullaballoo about politics.

In July, I finished the Heart of Money course. Since then, our financial situation has been about eighty billion times less stressful for me, and that’s not even mentioning the life-changing spiritual epiphany. Other than that, our life consisted mainly of working like crazy behind the scenes on the Freak Revolution Manifesto. This was also the month that Kyeli got overwhelmed and had a retreat, I got overwhelmed and had an emergency retreat, and Dru quit Aikido.

In August, we continued to work like crazy behind the scenes on the Freak Revolution Manifesto. My team at my day job came in first at the scavenger hunt, a long-term loan was finally repaid in full, and Kyeli and I had the “Pace, don’t smush yourself” conversation. I wrote a guest post for Copyblogger, defended closed-mindedness, and Kyeli broke her foot.

In September, we finally finished posting all 34 chapters of The Usual Error and released the entire e-book for free. I finally passed Paranoia Survivor, a very fast DDR song that I’ve been trying to pass for what, 4 years now? I ranted about how one person could have saved $450,000 from scammers, and hurt a good friend’s feelings. I finally got my updated passport that actually says I’m female, we went to the hot air balloon festival in Dallas, and our pseudo-nephew Eli was born. We saw Wicked, and pronounced it The Official Musical of the Freak Revolution! We started getting excited leading up to the manifesto release, and the Freak Revolution Manifesto launched on September 28th! Amanda won the Change the World in One Minute contest.

In October, we celebrated the ongoing success of the Freak Revolution Manifesto! We asked for feedback about the contest, and responded to it. Kyeli’s foot got better, her cousin Nicole died, we met Destry, I had a great 30-second birthday, and our good friends Bre and Amit got married, at which Kyeli gave a speech comprised of 80% Beatles lyrics. Kyeli and I spent a superb weekend with our dear friend Lynnivere in the boonies of East Texas, and we released the Usual Error audiobook.

In 2009 we enjoyed Full Moon, Star Trek: The Next Generation (seasons 1-3), and Poirot. We played Aquaria, Dokapon Kingdom, Persona 4, Trilby, Tales of Symphonia, Machinarium, and we were judges for IFComp 2009. I re-read all the Miles Vorkosigan books. We played a full year of our Mage game, Kyeli and I roleplayed two Risus murder mystery mini-campaigns with each other, and we played our first family Risus game, the Catoblepas campaign. (That was Dru’s first time participating in a roleplaying game.)

2009 was a year of growth. Growth in our business (which went through quite a few twists and turns, learning at each step), growth in our relationship (continuing to heal from our codependent past to create a more and more healthy interdependent future), and growth in spirituality (I began to practice Remembrance, and learned the value of humility and service).

As the old year closes and the new year opens, I open myself to the growth the new year has to offer.

I open myself to change.

I open myself to new challenges.

I open myself to joy.

I open myself to peace.

I open myself to comfort.

I open myself to love.

I open myself.

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Moon’sLark shared a very touching story of how the manifesto is affecting her.

Diary of a Bad Housewife has a post about the manifesto in the form of a long letter to a friend.

Pace had a conversation with Karl of paradox1x, and it turned out that Karl’s opinion of the manifesto was totally different after reading it thoroughly than when he first skimmed it.

The manifesto also made guest appearances on Lily of the Valley, Thanks For Playing, and Odd Angel, and you guys have left some amazing comments about how the manifesto has affected your lives.

Last but not least, after enjoying Marty’s beautiful “Heal the World” art as my desktop background for a couple of weeks, I decided that I wanted a print copy to frame and hang on the wall to inspire us and remind us of how we’re helping to heal the world. We twisted Marty’s arm and talked him into offering 11×17″ prints for $14.99. (75% of the money goes directly to Marty.) We’ve ordered ours, and if you’d like a copy too, you can get yours here! (:

“Heal the World”
(click for larger version)

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So, I’ve been reading “The Body Sacred” by Dianne Sylvan. By page 4, I was nodding enthusiastically. Page 8 had me crying, and by page 12, I was wondering how I can meet this extraordinary woman and be her friend.

It’s a good book. I highly recommend it. I’m still only on page 50, because it’s the kind of book I have to read in chunks because I get too full of epiphanies and need to take breaks.

The biggest epiphany I’ve had so far (all 50 pages of so far) is: I’m not limited by my body size.

I have (had?) this attitude of limitation brought on by being fat. I feel like there are things I shouldn’t wear, things I shouldn’t do, things I shouldn’t think or want, because they’re for thin people. I’m not a thin person, therefore I can’t have or do or want those things.

My stripy socks are a great example. There was a time, not very many weeks ago, when I felt ashamed or embarrassed to wear my socks in public. I was afraid that people would look at me and think (or even say) look at that stupid fat girl in those striped (mean people wouldn’t say “stripy”, they’d say “striped”) socks. Doesn’t she know stripes are for thin people?!

Stripes are for thin people. Stripy socks are for thin people – they’re supposed to go over my knees, but none of them do because my legs are too big. The one pair that does actually go above my knees won’t stay up because of my large thighs; they just roll down. My stripy arm-warmers are the same – they only go up to my elbows instead of mid-upper-arm because my arms are bigger around. I really shouldn’t even wear them, right?

Crazy-colored hair is for thin people. When fat people color their hair blue (just to pull a color out of nowhere), it’s just for attention. Look at the fat girl with blue hair, how sad.

High boots are for thin people. I had such an incredibly hard time finding boots that would fit my calves, and I spent many evenings in my bed, crying and feeling horribly fat when they wouldn’t zip up. I nearly gave up, but my bright yellow ones are vinyl enough to stretch over my huge calves. But when I wear them, I feel like people are judging me – knee-high boots are for thin people, and I’m not one.

Flirting is for thin people.

Being attractive is for thin people. Look at media. Everyone is either attractive and thin or fat and evil or stupid. If you’re not thin, well, there you go. Evil or stupid.

Traveling is for thin people. Plane seats are really uncomfortable if you’re heavy – and some airlines charge fat flyers more, up to and including making some of us buy second seats. And the trouble I had finding boots? Tripled for finding a coat, so I guess I’d best not go anywhere too cold. I guess they assume fat people don’t get cold; we’re so well-insulated, we’ll be fine.

Theatres are for thin people. When we saw “Wicked!”, we had to smoosh ourselves into our seats, and my hips ached through the second half of the play. Pace encountered the same thing at a ride at Sea World, so I guess roller coasters are for thin people, too.

Tattoos are for thin people. Piercings are for thin people.

Basically, life is for thin people.

And really, how could I learn any different? Media bombards us with images of supermodels and stars, all of whom are thin – and if they deign to gain a few pounds, they’re the brunt of dozens of tabloid scandals. Most stores don’t carry clothing or even jewelry (like rings) for above average sizes. Target and Walmart used to have nice plus-sized sections, but they’ve both whittled it down to a rack or two at the back of the clothing department – and you have to walk through all the clothes you can’t fit into just to get to the meager pickings of the ones you can. And Old Navy only sells bigger sizes online – giving me the impression that fat people aren’t welcome in their brick-and-mortar stores.

The very terminology used in stores is telling: woman can shop in either “Juniors” (thin and trendy, nothing over a size 10), “Womans” (thin and less trendy, usually for the older crowd, nothing over a size 16 – if they’re generous), and, if the store is particularly generous, there might be a few, hard-to-find, larger sizes somewhere. Occasionally – and this is rare – there’s an actual section of the store for larger sizes. This often falls under “Plus”, and is usually secreted away at the back of stores, and always has about a quarter of the selection of the other departments, if that. And often, “plus-sized” clothes cost more than regular clothes. The fat tax, I guess.

Being a fat teenager is heartbreaking. Finding clothes that are cute, trendy, and fit well is either going to cost a fortune or be fairly impossible – and if you have non-mainstream taste (like me), you’re screwed.

Ugh.

I digress. Ah, my mind is a weird and wandering place these days.

“The Body Sacred” introduces a novel and paradigm-shattering concept: I’m okay the way I am, regardless of how that is.

Wait. Hold the phone. Stop the presses. What? It’s okay to be fat? It’s okay to take a break from the countless hours of calorie-counting? It’s okay to eat that cupcake and not exercise myself senseless to make up for it? It’s okay to be fat – and being fat doesn’t make me a loser? It doesn’t make me automatically ugly? I don’t have to feel shame when my thin friends talk about being on diets and losing weight?

It’s okay to be what I am, regardless of how that is.

I’ve exercised til I wept. I’ve counted calories til I made myself neurotic. I’ve starved myself. I’ve snapped and binged and felt ill and been full of self-hate. I’ve judged myself harsher than anyone around me – and I’ve been around some pretty damn harsh judges. I’ve had people tell me, “You’d be so pretty if you lost weight.” I grew up hearing apologetic tsk-tsks because I took after my father’s overweight family instead of my mother’s tiny skinny family. I’ve avoided my reflection in the mirror for over a month. I’ve worn the same pair of pants til they could walk on their own because they were all I had that didn’t make me want to stab myself. I’ve sat in the kitchen, wondering if I could cut off my fat stomach without killing myself.

Seriously.

I’ve spent my life wishing I could be thin. And I’ve spent a damn lot of time and energy trying to be thin.

But you know what? It’s true. It is okay – in fact, it’s wonderful and great and glorious – to be what I am, whatever I am.

I am fat. I weigh in at 235lbs. I don’t hate myself when I look in the mirror anymore, nor do I struggle to get thin. I exercise for fun and because I like being healthy, and I unapologetically eat ice cream whenever I want. I travel. I go to the theatre. I wear stripy socks, I have tattoos, I have piercings, I occasionally have blue hair. I have a pair of obnoxiously yellow knee-high boots that are just a little too snug, but still utterly awesome.

I’m not over it. I’m not at a place where I can dance without feeling self-conscious. I still get teary when I struggle to zip my boots up over my calves.

But the seed has been planted and has started to grow. It’s okay to be what I am, regardless of how that is.

Yeah.

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1. Following your heart keeps your heart healthy and happy.

If you spend your weekdays at a job that’s somewhere between “meh” and horrible, that’s not nourishing your soul. How much passion will you have left for changing the world on nights and weekends? How much more passion would you have if you were doing entirely soul-nourishing work instead of soul-sucking work?

If you free your heart from pointless toil, it will blossom in ways you never imagined.

2. Side projects lose momentum.

If you want to change the world on evenings and weekends, that’s super. But how much more good you could you do if you could spend your weekdays on it, too?

What if you put your money where your mouth is?

What if you put your time where your mouth is?

What if you put your commitment where your mouth is?

What if your life’s work and your living were the same thing?

It’s a powerful commitment. If your business doesn’t make money, you don’t pay your bills. If you don’t help people, your business doesn’t make money. That’s a powerful incentive to help people!

And just like not buying junk food or not going to the cheese factory, you’re much more likely to accomplish a big goal if you make one big decision than if you try to make a bunch of little decisions.

3. If you postpone until later, you might as well give up.

If your plan is “I’ll do what I love later” or “I’ll change the world as soon as ______” for whatever you fill in the blank, here’s something to chew on. Po Bronson, in his book What Should I Do With My Life, interviewed 50 people about their passions, career choices, and struggles. Many of them tried the “I’ll do what I love as soon as _______” plan. Guess what the success rate was?

0%. Goose-egg. Zilch. Nada.

Don’t wait. You don’t have to do everything now, but if you want to reach your goal, you do have to do something now.

But capitalism is bad!

Bullshit. Yes, there are a lot of greedy people out there. Yes, there are a lot of unethical companies out there. No, there aren’t a lot of role models for conscious capitalism and ethical entrepreneurship.

So why don’t you become one?

Help others, and accept a fair exchange of value for your help. If you’re worried about manipulating or taking advantage of others, offer a guarantee to ensure you don’t profit unless you actually help your customers.

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you think that lots of businesses are evil, and that makes you not want to start a business… how about you just don’t be evil?

What path resonates with both your heart and your good sense?

Feel what moves you. Discover what you’re good at. Experiment with what you could be paid to do.

What’s in the intersection of all three?

Do that.

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We are thrilled to announce that, after much work, many laughs, and long anticipation, the Usual Error audiobooks are here at last! If you liked the Usual Error book, e-book, or our series of Usual Error blog posts, you’ll love the audio book.

We only ordered 100 copies for our first run and after that we’ll be back-ordered, so grab yours now if you don’t want to wait. (:

We (Pace and Kyeli) take turns reading the book to you, with some of the example dialogues acted out by our talented friends. They come in a beautiful 6-CD set – one disc per section of the book, plus a bonus CD of outtakes, including a full two minutes of Kyeli losing her shit and laughing her fool head off. The outtakes are hilarious, people. They also include some awesomely funny interactions between a couple of our guest stars.

Why do you care?

I don’t know. We can’t read your mind. (: But we can tell you why we care.

We care about The Usual Error, in all its forms, because communication is a form of connection. Practicing communication leads to deeper connection with others and also with yourself. It’s a great way to start changing the world! (See page 28 of the Freak Revolution Manifesto for more on the how and why.)

We care about the audiobook in particular because it’s a fun way for you to learn and practice communication. You get to listen to the two of us read to you, and you can lean back and soak it all up. You get to listen to our friends (who also happen to be talented voice actors) act out some of the dialogues from the book. And on the outtakes disc, you get to laugh along with us as you listen to all the times we messed up or broke into giggle fits while recording it. (:

Here it is!

Click here for more information, including streaming audio samples from the actual audiobook and the outtakes reel! We hope that it will make you really happy. (:

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I’m not doing a very good job of it, actually.

I keep thinking about how precious life is, but I can’t seem to get unstuck enough to feel like I’m doing anything useful about it. I want to shop. I want to drink dangerous amounts of coffee. I want to read brain-candy books. I want to cry, but the tears don’t come. I want to hide, but at the same time I want to surround myself with friends and activities. I want magick and I want mundanity. I want to lay on my porch swing and watch the clouds, curl up on the couch with my best friend’s infant on my chest, bury my face in my cat’s soft tummy. I want to run til I collapse, push myself too far on my elliptical, and scream til my lungs give out. I feel like I have an insane paradox-hurricane whirling around in my chest.

All the while, I’m watching the clock tick and the days fly by. I’ve got a wedding extravaganza in three weeks, where a large number of my favorite people in the world will be converging at my house for 4-6 days. I’ve got a honeymoon in seven weeks – a trip to Ireland where it’s starting to look like we’ll be sleeping in the bonny heather for two weeks.

And I care, but I’m just watching the time go by. I’m craving stillness, but also a kind of slowness and fastness. A weird combination of social and isolation.

A week before my cousin died, a friend of mine died. She was the kind of person who made everyone she encountered feel warm and safe and loved. I only spent a few hours total with her, but I wanted to know her better. I wanted to spend gobs of time with her, but we never seemed to be able to be free at the same time – and I admit, I didn’t try very hard. Not hard enough, at any rate, and for reasons that pale now. And now she’s gone, and I’ll never get the chance. And my heart hurts, and I miss her so much. I doubt she even knew how much I cared about her, and I’ll never get the chance to tell her the way I wish I had.

I keep wondering what else I might be letting slip that I’ll so deeply regret – and then feeling so overwhelmed, I can’t be useful.

I feel like I’m on the edge of something big, but I’m too… something… to see past all this fog. Scared, maybe. Overwhelmed? Something.

I have no idea how to deal with any of this. I feel like I’m making progress, but then I feel like I’m kidding myself.

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Our waiter sucked.

I understand that it was a tiny town. I get that Pace and I were likely the first vegetarians he’d ever met. I know we’re freaky and we were loud and it was likely overwhelming to have such a large group – and it was nearly closing time, so I’m sure he’d had a long day.

I took all of that into account, and still. Our waiter sucked.

He was pleasant enough. He was even cute… and vaguely reminiscent of someone I’d seen before. But he was incompetent and a poor listener – and in a service-based job, you’ve got to be competent and a good listener, so the odds were stacked against him.

Pace ordered a black bean burger, straight off the menu. I ordered a sandwich, and substituted the meat for a portobello mushroom cap – an option that was clearly listed on the menu in the sandwich section.

We were both served big honkin’ beef patties.

We sent them back.

He brought Pace’s out correctly the second time. Mine had the portobello mushroom cap, but it was on top of the beef patty. At that point, I ditched the sandwich and opted for just fries. Frankly, being served a huge slab of beef twice in a row had limited my appetite substantially, and I wasn’t in the mood to try and explain my desire again. So I ate my spinach and artichoke dip and my fries and was content enough.

Hungry yet?

After he brought out our checks, I stood to go to the bathroom and he stopped me. He apologized. He said, “I’m not very good at my job.”

I asked, “Well, do you like it?”

He looked down and said, “No. I hate it.”

I said, “Oh! Well! Do something else! Follow your heart!”

He said, “Yeah, well, I have to pay my bills first.”

I said, “Yeah, but your heart can help with that, too.” He looked unconvinced, my bladder reasserted its demands, and we went our separate ways.

When I sat back down, I reviewed my check. He’d dropped both burgers off the bill. I sat there for a minute, then tipped him $10 and wrote follow your heart! (: on the ticket.

If you hate your job, get out. Find a way. Take a leap of faith. Pray, dream big, imagine, believe. Follow your heart. If there’s anything I’m learning these days, it’s that life is far too short and far too precious to do anything less.

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