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I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me her husband just couldn’t handle their two kids by himself. Or, maybe it was that he didn’t think he could? Or, was it that she didn’t trust him to handle it well? Doesn’t really matter. It got me thinking. I have heard that from lots of moms and it just doesn’t compute for me.

The first time I left Todd alone with our twins to go to the grocery store, he called me 45 minutes later. I was standing in line at the checkout feeling good to be “alone”. When I answered the call he said, “You have to come home. They won’t stop crying and it’s driving me crazy.” To be fair, I breastfed and the boys were only about 6 weeks old. He felt helpless to calm them. So, I went home. And, a week later I went to get my hair cut. This time I left him some pumped milk he could offer if things got scary. Now, years later, Todd is on his own with all four of our kids without any problems.

Why can’t we moms let go? It seems to me that the underlying issue is fear. “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done right.” Are you afraid of leaving your baby/kids with your husband? Or is he afraid? First, I want to encourage you in this area. You are the mommy. Nobody else can be the mommy except you.

So, let him be the Daddy! He might feed them fruit loops and ice cream for dinner. He may not bathe them or if he does, he may get water in their faces. He just might read them 3 stories instead of exactly two. Does all of that really matter for one day?  Or, maybe he will actually do a lot of things right. Could he actually do something better than you? You’ll never know until  you let him try. Give him some space. The time you spend away will only serve to give you a much deserved break and boost Daddy’s confidence.

What will it do for the relationship between your baby and his daddy? We hear all the time how important it is for a baby to bond with her mother, but what about the bond with daddy?

I’ll be the first to admit that I can be a little controlling when it comes to taking care of my kids. As moms, we all can lean in this direction because it’s what we do. We live each day serving our kids and rightly so. I can give the little ones a bath without getting one drop of water in their eyes. I can make the best oatmeal and tuck them in just right. Even the mistakes I make are sometimes heralded by my kids.

My husband does not do it the way I do. He’s got his own way with our kids. And I love it! Nobody can get a laugh like Daddy in our house. No one can beat him at making funny voices when reading a story. No one can out-dance him. No one can win a tickle war against him. He’s the first one the kids ask to play outside with them. And, best of all, I can leave our house knowing they will be loved and cared for while I’m gone. Notice I didn’t say they will have a good babysitter. A daddy is not a babysitter. He’s a parent.

Are you ready to let go a little? If you are unsure about how things will go, start small. Leave for one hour at a time and then expand the time a little with each outing. If Daddy needs it, give him detailed instructions on schedule, food, sleep, etc. Tell him you know he can do it. He needs to hear your approval and encouragement. One of the most discouraging things you can do to a new daddy is to tell him you don’t trust him with his own children. Even if you haven’t actually said it, maybe your actions and lack of trust speak for themselves. Let him ask questions and make sure you stay by the phone in case he needs you. Take slow steps. It gets easier each time and your confidence (as well as his) will grow too.

Recommended Reading:

Father’s First Steps: 25 Things Every New Dad Should Know

Becoming a Father: How to Nurture and Enjoy Your Family (Sears, William, Growing Family Series.)

Having a baby is arguably one the most stressful life events. This wonderful, awe-inspiring change brings with it heightened emotions, hormones (of course), and pressure. Even if this baby is not your first, you will likely experience added stress with a new little one at home. The new dad is also prone to feel the stress. How could he not?

A great way to release some tension is to go on a date. I know, you may be thinking that sounds crazy when your baby needs you so much. It is true that our babies need constant attention. That is the reason we must take a break and reconnect with our husbands. A marriage changes dramatically after having a new baby. It is not all bad either. Actually, having a new baby can grow your marriage in some beautiful ways. The love you share and the experiences you have as parents help to form an amazing bond between you. So, take advantage of the love you have for your baby and share it with each other. It is hard to leave your baby for the first time, but it is worth it.

Here are 5 strategies to help make date night possible.

1.    Take advantage of mom/mom-in-law when she visits. It is so difficult to leave our new little one, but who better to care for them than grandma? She will give her the utmost of attention and love while you are away. If you are breastfeeding, time the outing just right. Nurse your baby and hand her over to Grandma. Then, you have 2 to 3 hours to get away.

2.   Take someone up on their offer to watch your new little one. There are a lot of people who would love a baby-fix and want to help. Most people only offer to babysit a newborn if they really have a desire to do it. A trusted friend or neighbor may be thrilled to help you have some time alone with your spouse.

3.    Trade sitting with another family. You may not be ready for this in the first couple of months. Give yourself some time to adjust to having a new baby before taking on someone else’s child. When you’re ready for it, trading out date nights could be great for both families.

4.    Take baby along during a normal nap time. If you have one of the infant carrier car seats, this is a great option. It works best in the first 3 to 6 months when your baby is still napping frequently. Try it a couple of times and see how it works. You might even be able to take in a movie if you have a good little sleeper.

5.    Go “out” at home. During evening nap or after the last feeding of the evening, have dinner together. If you or your hubby is up for it, make a special meal and eat on the china. If cooking is out of the question, order pizza and eat it on the china. To make this last option work, you have to commit to it. Find the best fitting, attractive outfit you can. Borrow one if necessary. Really, make the boundaries strict. There must be no TV (at least during dinner). No phones ringing–turn them off. Put on some nice romantic music. Try James Taylor’s Greatest Hits or maybe Aretha Franklin’s Love Songs. Light some candles. Going “out” at home will not be special if you do not put some effort into it.

All 4 of my babies were on a predictable and easy schedule one week home from the hospital–NOT. Our first babies were twins and I stumbled around for 3 months trying to figure out what to do with them all day and night long.

There are too many opinions on the subject of baby schedules. Many experts are either at one end of the spectrum or the other–prescribing a strict schedule or none at all. I prefer a daily routine which marries the two  quite nicely. The routine our babies followed is still in place now that we have school-aged children down to a toddler.

A routine is nothing more than predictable events of the day in the same order and relatively at the same time of day.

What’s the point in having a routine? For starters, children need to know what to expect. Babies and toddlers do not have a concept of time, but they do know (if you have a routine) that when they wake up they eat. They know that after they play for a while, they take a nap. Their bodies actually depend on this predictability. In time, you will learn to depend on your routine too. There is a natural rhythm that begins to develop when a little one knows what to expect. You’ll find there are less battles to fight in a day (i.e.. naps and tantrums).

Below is a sample routine you can use to structure your day. The main parts of the routine are sleep, eat, play. Keep these in order as best you can. The number of naps your baby or toddler takes in a day is up to you and your baby, but if you have a child age 4 or younger, he should have at least one nap.

Morning

• wake up cuddle (unless your baby is screaming for food:)
• breakfast
• play
• nap (for age 0 to about about 18 months) OR errands (if no nap)
• snack
• play (optional nap, for the newborns)

Afternoon

• lunch
• play
• nap
• snack
• play (optional nap for newborns)

Evening

• Dinner
• play/family time

Bedtime routine

• bath (you may feel that bathing every other day is sufficient)
• diaper,
• feeding for infants or milk for toddlers
• read books/sing

Note: Don’t miss out on the sweet moments of bedtime. If you make this a nightly routine, it will last well into later childhood. Some of the most precious conversations and teaching moments have occurred at bedtime in our home. I wouldn’t trade that last hour for any other during the day.

Want to know the secret to making a routine work in your home? Don’t leave anything out. Don’t skip breakfast. Don’t skip a snack, unless baby refuses to eat. Don’t even think about skipping a nap–that’s a big one. It’s tempting, I know. You don’t need to put a time next to each event and be ruled by the clock. Just let the structure of the day be your guide and roughly think of times associated with each event.  The results will speak for themselves though. Hold off on evaluating your progress on the first couple of days. Challenge yourself to stick to a routine for one week and then evaluate.

If you have specific questions, let me know by leaving a comment below or send me a note via the contact page.

In honor of Father’s Day, Stacie let me  share a few thoughts from the Dad’s perspective that might help you out.

#1 Don’t be afraid to communicate your expectations. If you haven’t figured it out by now, we men are not mind readers. In fact, we’re not even good at picking up hints. Remember the dating days?! Same thing applies with parenthood. Between culture, what we’ve observed from our own family upbringing, and even reading material from the parenting experts we dads can be really unclear as to what YOU expect from us in our role as fathers. Sit down and have a clear discussion about it.

#2 Remember, we’re not you (part 1). When you do communicate these expectations, keep in mind that it’s not best to expect just a clone of you. We’re unique people who play a unique role with your child. I know you wish you could be two places at once and have twice the energy,but it’s not fair for us to do exactly the same things that you do and especially not in the same way. Let us guys be guys. That doesn’t mean we can’t change a diaper (believe me, I’ve changed plenty)but it does mean that just because we’re not the most nurturing, caring, sensitive, etc. that we’re bad people or parents. Let how we were hard-wired be able to shine through.

#3 Remember, we’re not you (part 2). Because we’re not women, we don’t have some of the same abilities as you. I’ve found that Stacie is a much better multitasker than I am. She also has ways of coaxing the kids that are more effective than my methods. That’s just a couple of things. You may think, “if I can do it, he can do it” but that’s not necessarily true. Recognize our limitations. Also, consider that on some aspects of parenting, we’re a little insecure. Build our confidence through your expression of belief in us while  giving clear instructions!

Well, I’m not sure I’ve unlocked any deep secrets of the male psyche but I hope I’ve given you some perspective that you wouldn’t have otherwise. Treasure the guy you’ve got and give him a Happy Father’s Day!

Here’s a previous post about daddies: Let Him Be The Daddy

I recently had the privilege of contributing to an article about Getting Our Kids To Eat Healthy.

When you click over, you’ll find Turnitupmom, a blog I frequent regularly. Mary Jo Wieland is a mom I’ve grown to respect through her thoughtful and humorous stories of motherhood. I think you will find her blog inspiring and entertaining.

You may be familiar with the following signs of teething: irritability, drooling, sleeplessness, biting or chewing on everything, low-grade fever, diarrhea, ear pulling. We feel so helpless when our babies are in pain, but be careful about turning to medication too soon. There are many others ways to soothe sore gums without medicine.

Try some of these medicine-free teething solutions:

1. Frozen Wash Cloth: Wet a clean wash cloth and freeze it. Then, let your baby chew on it to soothe sore gums.
2. Chilled Food:  Try serving yogurt, chilled diced fruit (peaches, apples, bananas, etc.).
3. Cold Water: Give your little one a sippy with ice water throughout the day. It will help replace some of the fluid loss of drooling and loose stools as well as provide more comfort on her mouth.
4. Chilled Teethers: Simply keep a few teethers in the refrigerator. Take them out when needed. Be sure to wash them thoroughly before placing them back in the refrigerator.
5. Teething Tablets: We have used teething tablets with our children at times. They seemed to help, especially with sleeping at night.
6. Extra Attention: No matter what solution you try, your baby will likely still need extra “mommy love” during teething. Let a few things go and rock your baby, read to him, sing to him. That may be just what he needs.

1. Crib (& mattress). There is so much to choose from, but make sure you don’t go crazy and spend too much money. Remember, it is a temporary bed. We have had 4 cribs. Three were second-hand. One we bought new, from K-Mart. We have not been disappointed.
2. Pack-N-Play. You can set it up in your bedroom until your baby sleeps through the night. If you’re nursing, it’s especially helpful to have your little one close. We still use our original Pack-N-Play from 7 years ago for trips. This makes naps and bedtime so convenient when you are on the go.
3. Monitor. A simple audio feed of your infant breathing at night will help you sleep sounder. With SIDS risks, we moms need to take safety seriously while keeping peace of mind.
4. Infant Car Seat/Stroller System. These infant carriers seats are so convenient. You can pop them in and out of the base without disturbing baby. They fit right on top of a coordinating stroller, making a shopping trip easy too. The best travel strollers making taking your baby wherever you go easy as pie.
5. Nursing Pillow. If you are breastfeeding, this will save your arms and back a lot of pain.
6. Bouncy Seat. Again, portable and comfy. Most babies like them. They can have a different view of the world around them and the bouncing or vibrating can be calming when needed. I used to put my twins in their bouncy seats in the bathroom while I showered.
7. Contoured Changing Pad & Cover. You don’t really need a changing table. You can put this on a dresser and it works fine. Then, you don’t have a useless piece of furniture you spent too much money on:).
8. Diaper Bag. These days, your bag can be a statement of style, but you don’t have to spend a ton of money on it. Think functional, then fashionable.
9. Diapers. Why did I waste time listing that one? You have a major decision to make. Disposable or cloth diapers for you precious baby. I shamefully admit that I chose disposable. If I had it to do all over again, I would choose cloth. If you don’t know what to do, take a few minutes and check out cloth diapers. You may be surprised at how many options there are.
10. Bottles. Whether breastfeeding or not, you’ll need at least a few bottles.
11. Thermometer. Fevers in infants can be serious. Make sure you choose a reliable thermometer and learn how to use it.