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It’s episode 182, in which we discuss:

• Our totally scientific and not at all offensive theory about why today was such a long day for everyone!
• Ron Bailey and Bridget started a Totoro tumblr!
• Gavin from Poke It With A Stick Podcast shares his 6th and 7th senses!
• Tumblrer toolateadopter created Emergency Cat Hire!
• Randal shared anime girls with John Goodman’s face!
• Toni made a thing! AN AWESOME THING!
• HI KALLY!
• The overuse of exclamation points!
• And many more!

Download: Episode 182

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Pizza, before topped with sauce.

I got a lot of feedback on this one, so I’m putting the recipe up here on the site for you guys. This is a chicago style pizza crust – I’ve only made it once, in a deep dish configuration. Reason stands that one could also make it in a traditional, non-deep style as well.

• 3 1/4 cups flour
• 1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
• 1 1/2 teaspoons table salt
• 2 teaspoons sugar
• 2 1/4 teaspoons instant or rapid-rise yeast
• 1 1/4 cups warm water
• ½ cup olive oil – NOTE: For a more “buttery” tasting crust, use corn oil

Sauce (courtesy of braincooksidea)

Start a tablespoon of olive oil w/ some minced garlic in a cold pan, bring it up to hot and add a big can of crushed tomatoes and simmer it for a little while – add salt and pepper or whatever you want, the sauce will be thicker and delicious and home made!

Mix yeast, ¼ cup of warm water, ¼ cup of flour, and sugar in a bowl. Cover and let stand in a warm place for 15~20 minutes.

After the yeast has activated (it’ll be all bubbly and shit): Mix in all the other ingredients. Mix well (2 minutes or so in a food processor or mixer. Slightly longer if by hand.) and put dough into a lightly oiled, medium-large mixing bowl. Cover, and let the dough proof for 1.5-2 hours.

Uncover the dough and punch it down. Cover it back up, and let it proof for another 1.5 hours.

Remove  the dough and roll or press out into pizza shape and put intowell-oiled pan. The less you knead this dough, the better it will be.

Chicago style pizza is upside down, so put down a layer of mozzarella cheese (sliced works best), then the rest of your toppings, THEN the pizza sauce. For a traditional style pizza, put the sauce down first.

Preheat oven to 375°, and bake for 30 minutes. Be prepared for sexual favors.

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It’s episode 179, in which we discuss:

Penny and Johnny are amazing hosts
Shane asks all of our female listeners to wear thigh-high socks. Go get yours at Sock Dreams
Mass Effect 3 gave Shane a sad
Bridget tries to tell Shane why he HAS to listen to Roderick on the Line but loses her shit when describing “persuading my tapeworm”
Shane made the world’s most delicious pizza
Randi let us know about the Cell-Mate
Evan let us know about this awesome Doctor Who themed shirt
Elizabeth let us about the Shamwow Wreath
We had bad dreams. UGH.
And many more!

Download: Episode 179

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Episode 178, in which we are joined by Jeremy of The Cocktail Napkin podcast!

• Spice Channel
• Becky and Becky and Darren and Darren
• Thanks to Matt for telling us about The Death and Return of Superman
• Kevin Smith movies
• Thanks to Evan for sending us the EZ Eyes Keyboard
• The Dollar Shave Club is awesome
• Makin’ people poop

Download: Episode 178

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Episode 175, in which we are joined by long time listener Ben!

Discussed:

• You know, the one guy who was in that show
• Pot pie
• Demotivational posters from Despair.com
• Candy
• Pants(less) Party
• Pancakes vs. waffles
• And many more!
• Thanks to Monkeyfrog, Chronically-Awesome, Huge in Japan, 2yellows, azzura47, raiselm, julesthebunny , braincooksidea, vegkat,and thejoysofjess for questions and topics!

Download: Episode 175

Continue reading »]]> Here’s an email from our listener Randi that I think you all will enjoy:

Every time I download an episode of Emergency Pants I think of a day about 4 or 5 years ago. Let me share that day with you here

I was visiting my kids’ school to read to the class, or perhaps add my germs to the CDC ground zero of gingerbread construction. I signed in at the front desk as a visitor with Ms. Pterodactyl, who’s bifocals on a chain were perched midway down her beak.e matching chain holding her pale blue cardigan was a nice touch in accessory coordination and I silently applauded her attention to detail.

I was headed to my son’s classroom. It wasn’t far and so I took my time admiring the awesome crumbled up tissue paper handprint turkeys displayed in the hall. Who wouldn’t? Surely, this was an unparalleled display of the most talented children this side of the Mississippi.

As I approached his classroom the door opened and out came my son and another boy. They were wal
king with what I would call a purpose. I asked where they were off to in such a hurry; my son’s response was quick and short, “the pant room.” I assumed he had no idea what he was saying so I just shrugged and went inside.

Eventually, my son came back with the other boy. We participated in the activity and I’m positive we looked exactly like a Norman Rockwell print of mother-son bonding as this was the only reason I took time off from work.

Later that day I asked my son what he meant by “the pant room.” His answer was tinged with impatience mixed with a bit of exasperation. Clearly, he is fast-tracking his way to adolescence. “It’s where they keep dry pants for accidents. I was taking Sam there to get new pants,”

My mind immediately conjures up this image: the pant room is about 10′ square. There are hooks all around the room on the white tile walls, each hook holds a pair of children’s size 5 or 6 dripping wet pants. In the center of the cement floor is a drain. Hanging on one of the walls is a power washing spray gun used to administer Silkwood showers. A pterodactyl shaped Haz-Mat suit hangs next to the door.

You’re welcome!
Happy new year!
Randi

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Episode 170: We like it very much!

• Booger problems
• We love Maru
• We love Animals Talking In All Caps, Tumblr Taking In All Caps, Starbangledanner, and Old Erotic Art
• 2yellows  asked us to discuss the best and worst of 2011
• Doorhingeteeth asked us to discuss how fabulous he is – pretty fabulous, actually!
• Vegkat asked us to discuss Eugene Hutz of Gogol Bordello - I think she might like him a little, but I’m not sure.
• Ron Bailey suggested that we discuss boners! Yay!
• Lindsay and Randi asked us to talk about cheese!
• Elizabeth asked us to describe the physiology of Emergency Pants

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Episode 167: DANGERPANTS! And by that I mean we are joined by Tony Delgrosso!

• Thanks to Penny for letting us know about this year’s must have Christmas gift, Bag of Nails!
• Thanks to Jeremy for sending us two unrelated things!
• It’s fun to know what groups of animals are called
• Hippocelots. Or maybe Oceppos.
• We demand the return of good TV
• No, fuck that – GREAT TV!

Download: Episode 167

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Episode 166, in which we learn the effects of masturbation – besides joy and sleepiness.

• We love Misfits and are mystified by Chav
• Star Bangle Danner is hilarious
• Bridget was on Story Time Podcast!
• Lookit, Emergency Pants!
• We heard from jules the bunny, Marshall, Vegkat, Jessica, Jason, Stephanie, Lindsay, Rachel, Evan, Elizabeth, and Brad
• Thanks to Steve Whitaker for the cover art and allowing for a graceful transition to discussion masturbation and thanks to Shat for providing us with an awesome recording from history

Download: Episode 166

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Episode 164, in which we interact with our Tumblr Bunnies!

• Shane has two new tumblrs – Proper Sex Acts and Rejected Crayon Colors
• yhf has a new webcomic tumblr that is AWESOME.
• Shane suggests sake
• mississippi-dick tells us about the electric Delorean
• Marshall tells us about electric cereal boxes

Plus we hear from:

• Jewles
• Mr X Stitch
• briliantlyfreakish
• Penny
• dorkitude
• rsmallbone
• Elizabeth
• jules the bunny

Download: Episode 164

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Episode 162: I mean, really?

• Cake flavored vodka
• Ever since Smartasshat did this awesome write up of Magnum ice cream bars, Bridget can’t get enough of them
• Ice cream monks
• Elizabeth sent us the Free Flexor video
• Brad sent us this Christians hate Pokemon video
• Thanks to Ben for this week’s intro! YAY BEN!

Download: Episode 162

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• We answer emails from Penny, Justin, Brad, Alyssa, and Elizabeth, and questions from Delgrosso, Lindsay, Marshall, and Vegkat. HI EVERYBODY!
• Joe & Kelly have a kickstarter project! Check it out, won’t you?
• Adam Moe is awesome
• Penny would like contributors to her new food blog. ARE YOU UP TO THE CHALLENGE?
• Lyndzi made us aware of the Booty Pop commercial. She gets us.
• BALLS

Download: Episode 160

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Episode 158, in which we’re joined by the interesting Trinity!

• We play a voice mail from Matt and read emails from Kat, Penny and Elizabeth
• Penny pointed us in the direction of the Shove Glove -look out!
• Elizabeth told us about this thinkgeek thingie and her 8tracks profile
• Kat reminds us that you can visit our website by typing in eatfarts.com

Download: Episode 158

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Episode 154, in which we are joined by Matt Doucette! He says funny things on the internet, he’s half of Fake Band Name with Bridget, he makes comics, and he stitches. Damn, man, that’s a lot of stuff!

• We got emails from Kat and Shawn sharing their first musical purchases
• That really is a lot of nuts.
• Bridget made a thing that is being sold for charity – check it out!
• The John Blog is cracking us up
• We love Ghostbusters and Spotify
• Shane and Bridget have nostalgic thoughts about Otis Twelve

Download: Episode 154

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Episode 152: We’re all over the place and junk!

• Thanks to Penny for telling us about her friend’s awesome and hilarious write-up of her experience with cancer and about this article that sounds eerily like Bridget
• The Butt Slasher has us saddened and confused
• Swedish Fish
• Oh, hello – have a hand job
• Join Spotify and make us playlists! Please?
• Shane prettied up his phone!

Download: Episode 152

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Episode 150, in which we are 12 year old boys. AS USUALLY.

• Pam sent us a voicemail! Hi Pam!
• Jeremy, Justin and Rob sent us emails! O HAI GUYS!
• We discuss the awesomeness that is Cracker Finishing School for Boys
• Shane will be on the Story Time Podcast!
• How to deactivate a cat
• The Jam Lady is awesome

Download: Episode 150

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Episode 149: Time to sauce the taco!

• Daniel emailed us about The Art of Seduction. GROSS.
• Ben dropped us a line about Minnesota being too polite to ask for federal funding
• Bridget’s brother Rob sends us his favorite Urban Dictionary entry
• We plug Shane’s Are You Sure You Want To Cancel? tumblr
• Bridget plugs the Uncanny Valley and Fake Band Name tumblrs
• We answer… questions? from Lindsay and Vegkat
• Shane wants to start a goodwill foundation that provides masturbation aids to women
• Bridget hearts curmudgeons and they heart her back
• The Story Time podcast features our own Joe and Kelly! Check it out!

Download: Episode 149

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Episode 145: Don’t cut a bitch, Kat, we’re totally here!

• Bridget talks about the Maker Faire
• Rum. RUNNERS.
• Mongolian barbecue Nazi
• Evan asks if we’re aware of merkins, and we school him
• Amber asked about Andriod apps – here’s Shane’s list
• Hi to Pam from Hip to Be a Square podcast
• Martin Hsu, Nidhi Chadnani, and Charley Harper make cool art

Download: Episode 145

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Episode 143: WE’RE BACK, BITCHES!

• Shane tells us about his sweet new digs!
• GIANT FUCKING BUMBLEBEE
• Maus says hi! Over and over!
• Ben told us about the passive Midwestern advertising at Bushel Boy
• Midwestern Greeting Cards – they need to be a thing! Again!
• Bridget and Matt started a Fake Band Name blog!

Download: Episode 143

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It’s episode 135 and junk!

• Did we mention that we love Natalie Dee?
• The body of Christ is very unsanitary
• Two Stupid Dogs!
• Thanks to the Fey Driverand Toppie Smellie from the Smellcast for making Bridget blush and for the shout out for Emergency Pants!
• Catfish devastated Bridget
• Other things
• Stuff
• People
• It has been a tough few weeks for Bridget. Thanks to everyone for your support. You guys rock.

Download: Episode 135

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• Hi Pam!
• Hi Tara!
• Hi Alyssa!
• Hi Alissa!
• Justin describes a new weather phenomenon: “shaneclone”
• Hi Matt!
• Pocketcontents provides alcohol engineering solutions.
• Human cheese. *hhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrgh*
• Baby monkey riding on a pig!
• Also, we discuss topics provided by misschasse, Robyn Lindstifa, katefeetie and giddygirlie. Stuff came through from briliantlyfreakish and yhf after we wrapped up, but we’ll get you back next week, awesome people.

Download: Episode 131

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Episode 130: We explore the strange new sensations we’ve been experiencing in our budding young bodies. Aaaaah, I’m just fucking with you! We talk about stuff. And things.

• Shane is going to punch dance his rage and beat up all of Omaha! LOOK OUT.
• Hi Katy!
• Hi Justin!
• Hi Ben!
• We discuss bathroom incidents
• Bridget almost dies laughing FOR REAL THIS TIME
• A guide to farting and pooping – go look!

Download: Episode 130

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Episode 129: Your FACE is your Mom! Wait, what?
• We bitch about the snow
• We answer questions from Rachel and Shae
• Hi Jamie in the hospital! (He’s on the road to recovery, thank goodness)
• OMG YOU GUYS SHANE DOES THE FRANK NOISE
• You can ask us stuff! Bridget and Shane, respectively.
• We’re on Goodreads! Bridget and Shane, respectively.
• Shane tells us about Four Hour Work Week
• James Earl Jones is not pleased with the service at his dry cleaner

Download: Episode 129

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Hi Joe and Kelly on the podcast!

• Joe did stand up! GO WATCH!
• Josh Grobin sings the tweets of Kanye West
• Penny sent us stuff! Check out German Chessboxing Championship story and video and her friend Roy’s Christmas songs!
• Marshall left us a voicemail! Hi Marshall!
• John Swartzwelder writes funny books!
• Go to Goodreads and find us!
• HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEE

Download: Episode 128

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Episode 123: I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!

• Falcons? Assholes.
• Shane has a good cry over Seymour
• Bridget tells the story of the WORST MOVIE EVER
• Shane broke his eyes
• Bridget broke her head
• We talk about video games for a little bit. Who do we think we are, Gameluv?
• Bridget was in Omaha! Neat!

Download: Episode 123

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Episode 122: No Snuggies were harmed in the recording of this podcast.

• Merlin Mann, who is a goddamn class act, said nice things about Bridget and her cross stitching on Mac Break Weekly! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (45:30 minutes in – check it out!)
• Trader Joes opened in Omaha, and it’s filled with hipsters and hippies!
• We talk about our tumblr crushes Coke Talk and Inthefade!
• yhf is rocking a stashe!

Download: Episode 122

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Episode 120, with the awesome Penny Nickels and a Johnny Murder cameo!

• President Dog and Time Cat
• Night Man! and Kitten Mittens!
• TV shows are the great equalizer
• An American Drunk
• Ballz
• Small Wonder
• We forgot to talk about it because we are douches, but check out this awesome song Shae made for us! SO GOOD!

Download: Episode 120

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• Bridget tries to get drunk and is thwarted by her own clumsiness
• Ken Burns is a smartypants, but that’s okay
• Shane’s cat Maus had a pooplosion
• Pantscon 2011
• We got emails from Alyssa, Pam and Katy!
• Hi again to Toppie Smellie of the Smellcast and Bridget sincerely apologizes to Walter.
• Clair is AWESOME!

Download: Episode 115

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Dear Listeners,

Hey there! You look fantastic – and I just *love* your sweater!

Anyway… We talked for an hour but our cunting recording software stopped after a half hour and now we’re sad. We talked about cunts and religion AND read some letters. We’ll just have to do it again next week! In the meantime, enjoy the half hour and some links:

• Fresh Balls!
• Bridget’s Jim sent her the BEST. LINK. EVER. Check it out!
• Now it’s clear why we love mac and cheese so much!

*smooches*

Bridget and Shane

Download: Episode 113

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Episode 112: Filled with twangy goodness courtesy of Marshall!

• Our guest Marshall makes neat things. For reals!
• Julie Jackson: is she Boo Radley?
• Silicon Zoo – I dunno. Ask Shane and Marshall.
• Shane’s tying knots in shit.
• We beseech you – do not talk on the phone in public bathrooms. It’s just not right.
• Yarn n Burlap. Yup.
• Bridget highly recommends Nessa’s aptly named podcast, Hello Nessa
• Thanks to Liz for sending us Emergency Pants stickers! NEAT!

Download: Episode 112

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Episode 111: And a-one and a-two and a-three and PANTS and step and step and FOSSE and JAZZ HANDS!

• We crack ourselves up
• Bridget tells the Dyson guy to take the goddamn marbles out of his mouth when he talks
• We create a system for dealing with stupidity
• Steak.
• We love Richard Cheese, and we bet you will, too! Go buy his music!
• Thanks to Cheryl for sending us links to some retro Wendy’s training videos! Check them out here and here

Download: Episode 111

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Episode 110: NO TRIPODS OR WATER ON THE BRIDGE!

• Bridget had some visitors! Check it out!
• Shane got one of these! You can get one here.
• Bridget is in love with Angus Oblong. For reals.
• She also likes Chris Uminga and PEEP.

Today’s cover art was drawn by the talented Angus Oblong. The one that Bridget loves. Tenderly and deeply. Go to his site and buy stuff!

Download: Episode 110

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Episode 106: IT’S A KELLY AND JOE SHOW!

• Happy Birthday, Shane!
• Shane went to DC and met some of our awesome listeners
• We got the best email in the world
• Listener and kindred spirit Marshall took Furby pictures
• That fucking What Would You Do TV show
• Kelly recommends The Legend of Neil
• There was a lot of other stuff, but I was laughing too hard and I forgot it.

Download: Episode 106

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Episode 105: Hooooooooly SHIT!

• Wait, Wait – Don’t Tell Me is a fun podcast
• Obsessed with Obsessed
• Drunk Link
• Bridget’s internet is cuter than your internet.
• There’s two Shoedini commercials, with Gilbert Gottfried or without Gilbert Gottfried
• Bridget worked for The Swiss Colony once – not the Amana Colonies
• Check out Bad Movie Bingo
• Navy Pier is touristy. Have some fudge!

Download: Episode 105

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Episode 104: In which we ALMOST had RJ from A Cup of Fresh Hell as a co-host, but Skype was being a bitch, so alas, not this time. *hangs head* Anyway, we talked about a lot of crap. Mostly farts. Sorry. Here’s a whole bunch of fun videos to make up for it:

• Panda Cheese
• A Slab or Slice or Chunka
• Don’t Drown Your Food
• Ahahahahahahahaha, thingie!
• Farts. Don’t try to hide ‘em.

Download: Episode 104

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Episode 103: I dunno.
• Joe sent Shane a pressie! Thanks, Joe!
• Harry Potter
• The Surprised Puppy Face pictures came rolling in!
• Death by pussitivity
• Death by email from Merlin Mann
• Hammocks will steal your lady if you aren’t careful
• Look, a fancy art show featuring Bridget, Jamie, and VSC!
• Bridget met the awesome Sarah Moore from Craft Critique
• Fart training
• We end with a special song for Penny

Download: Episode 103

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Episode 102 has negatively effected our lives in the following ways:

• We say air hair lair to Clair and David
• We discuss Shane’s bed
• Shout out to RJ and Chris at Cup of Fresh Hell
• Shae is reading bad books
• Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is awesome
• Bridget and the security guard at work
• Use the Bureau of Communication for all of your apology needs
• Ruby42‘s cross stitch is purchased by Kat Von D and we worry that it might need an intervention

Download: Episode 102

KAT VON D CALL ME!

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Episode 101: See my loafers? Former gophers.

• We make bad fashion choices, like Shane’s ball shorts discussed in this episode
• We have high expectations
• We didn’t talk about them, but LOOK AT THESE ADORABLE ANIMALS! I SAID LOOK AT THEM!
• Hey, be a dear and comment and like this video so a friend of ours can win an iPad. Puhlease?
• Today’s cover art is shamelessly pinched from Natalie Dee, who is awesome.
• Bridget’s other podcast, Stitching n Junk, released its 3rd episode today!

Download: Episode 101

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Episode 100: Holy crap, it’s episode 100!!!

• Williard Scott is nuts
• Bill Kurtis is awesome!
• James Earl Jones has that voice when he does every day stuff, too, you know.
• Needs to be developed: Emergency Pants drinking game. Additional: Stitching N Junk drinking game. Discuss.
• America’s Next Top Bridget’s Mom is… *drum roll* RJ from Cup of Fresh Hell podcast! YAY!
• Lookin’ at Shane’s head.
• Dreams and the problems they cause
• Father Flanagan – kind of a douche.
• Bridget’s coming out

Download: Episode 100

Continue reading »]]> Episode 99:

• Shane’s got a bed! A new one, we mean.
• We like Cyanide and Happiness!
• The high fructose corn syrup people think we’re stupid. JERKS!
• The Face Trainer is ridiculous. Watch the third video down. TRUST ME. Then, go add a photo of yourself making silly faces to this flickr group! Please?
• Will YOU be America’s Next Top Bridget’s Mom?
• Penny is doing awesome self portraits!

Download: Episode 99

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Episode 97: Oh die schone, oh die schone, oh die schone SCHNITZELBANK!

• Rose sent is this link all about funny signs
• This place makes funky chocolates
• Bascom Hogue is awesome, as is Alissa
• Golden Girls vs. Golden Shower Girls
• We miss you, Grits to Glitz!
• Kung Pow: Enter the Fist and What’s Up, Tiger Lily? are hilarious
• Purple Rose of Cairo turns Bridget into a dumb girl

Episode 97

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Episode 96: In which our heroes have brain slugs! Bridget forgets to recap Tony**’s visit, and Shane forgets he’s recording a podcast!

• Jerry Lewis goat is weird. Fainting goats are awesome.
• Cool art from Trustocorp
• Did we mention PNSexplosion, ever? Just wondering.
• We want to know: what consistently makes you laugh?
• Bridget introduces Steve the Tree
• Don’t banana up my Nilla Wafers!
• Giant 3D Cupcake! Wait, what?

Download: Episode 96

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Episode 95: Holy crap! It’s Tara! AKA TheMistressT!

• Thanks to The Fey Driver and RJ & Chris, we’ve gained some listeners and got shout outs from Dragen podcast and That Blue Jeans Guy. Thanks, everybody! And if you’re new here, welcome!
• Bridget and Jamie have a new podcast, Stitching n Junk! Check it out!
• You should listen to How Much Do We Love, especially this episode!
• Better Marriage Blanket? Really?
• This music video is awesome but almost broke Shane’s brain!
• This video described by Tara is far, far less awesome
• Why is Shane stabbing DVD’s with scissors?
• Tara tells us about a new delicacy that totally reminds us of the Ass Cheese Incident

Download: Episode 95

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Episode 94: Oh my god, you guys! It’s Ben! No, seriously, here’s the real link.

• Hi to The Fey Driver of Pink Wheelnuts Podcast who gave us something interesting to discuss!
• Hi to RJ and Chris of the podcast A Cup of Fresh Hell Served with a Side of Heaven!
• Kombucha sounds gross. Ew.
• Mother Dough is NOT a band like Shane thought, but maybe it should be.
• Crying guy!
• A Mr X Stitch podcast is coming! Are you ready?
• Did you hear? We have a Facebook page! You can be our fan, if you want. Please? LOVE US!
• Oh, and we still have our awesome flickr group! Check it out if you haven’t!

Download: Episode 94

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Episode 92: Um. Yeah. So. We lost like, 45 minutes. But we sucked it up and made the best of it.

• Something Something Church Something
• Allergies provide the perfect cover-up for crying
• Rosie tells us that It’s Alright to Cry.
• Hi Adam!
• Hi Ruby!
• Hi Kelly! We hope that selfish baby gets out of your tummy soon!
• I’m not sure what else. Something about penises? That sounds right.

Download: Episode 92

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Hey. Hey. Hey. C’mere a minute. I wanna show you something. It’s EPISODE 91!

• Old dudes dig me.
• What would you do if you were president?
• Cheryl sent us these awesome cards
• Hi, Julie!
• Keri: We are very, very, very sorry. Really!
• Ben made this piece of awesome inspired by last week’s podcast. Is there nothing Ben can’t do?
• The show Life has convinced us that animals are jerks
• This mating dance would be hilarious with a third wheel, wouldn’t it?
• Eagle Man. Nuff said.

Download: Episode 91

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Episode 90: OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS!!! TONY! EeeeeeeeeEEEEeeeee!!!!

• Hi Keri! Thanks for telling us about this name generator!
• What makes you poop?
• Three Minute Legs is a ridiculous piece of work-out equipment even though it SHOULD be the name of a gangster or a convenience food
• This Golden Girls spoof looks like fun!

Download: Episode THE NINETIETH!

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Episode 89: Sorry if we sound tired. We were playing basketball until like, 2 in the morning!

• Cat Talk!
• Ben Folds serenades people on chatroulette in front of a live audience and we think he may have done it before.
• Sassy Gay Friend tells it like it is in Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet! “Ophelia, he stabbed your Dad through a curtain.”
• Shane is concerned about this cat.
• Today’s cover art is from the lovely and talented Natalie Dee.

Download: Episode 89

Continue reading »]]> Due to an increase in comment spam (which you probably haven’t seen because Bridget and I try to delete it as soon as possible), we’re turning back on the switch that says you have to be a registered user of Emergency Pants to comment on posts.

I’m sorry, Keri Roberts, but you have to register now.

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Episode 87: Good for what ails you!

• Bridget is slightly less of a hermit thanks to the wonderful Joe & Kelly!
• This Onion article kicked our asses
• This list of the 90 types of bitches is incomplete. Help us finish it, and add to it!
• Shane has started a new tumblr for aborted tumblr, twitter and facebook posts. Check it out or submit one yourself here!
• Bridget’s Dad makes a suggestion
• We love the unexplained! OoooooOOOOoooooOOOOOooooooh!
• Tara sent Bridget this awesome present for no good reason! What the heck? (thanks, Tara. ^_^ )

Download: Episode 87

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Episode 86 is an Emergency Trousers episode as we have Jamie joining us from across the pond! And junk!

• Penny and Johnny take on chat roulette in their awesome new tumblr – also, thanks to Penny for Coke Talk!
• One of the fellows behind Look Around You is behind the Time Waster podcast – so good!
• Rose made an awesome awesome monkey video – check it out!
• Go play Sushi Cat. Like, right now.
• LOOK AT THIS SHIRT. LOOK AT IT!
• Hi to The Fey Driver!
• Thanks to Amy and Bay from Grits to Glitz for thinking of us while on vacation and for providing today’s cover art!

Download: Episode 86

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Episode 85 guest stars ROSE! Hi, Rose!

• We all love Red Dwarf and The Mighty Boosh
• Songsmith makes us grumpy
• Shane enjoys Curling. Who knew?
• We talk about Black Dynamite, Clue, and Rocky Horror Picture Show
• Axecop – written by a kid, drawn by an adult, made of awesome.
• Rose enjoys the Cheat Commandos on Homestarrunner
• Dexter!
• Happy birthday, Alissa!

Download: Episode 85

Continue reading »]]> Hi everybody, Bridget here. As you may know from various internet sources, Shane is in the hospital right now. You can read about it from the man himself here. Be sure to send him some love on his facebook and twitter pages.

If you would like to send him a card, well wishes, love letters, panties – whatever – you can do so here:
Shane Blaufuss
c/o
Methodist Hospital
7th floor south
8303 Dodge St
Omaha, NE 68114

Many of you have already shown your support and encouragement, and I know that Shane is deeply grateful for that. We’ll keep you updated as we learn more.

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Episode 83: Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for Accidental Ham Ingestion and their new album, Bone-In!

• We’ve been sickie-poos!
• Bridget had an interview!
• Check out these ridiculous skymall items
• And this storage container commercial that relies on laziness and stupidity!
• We’re on tumblr. Are you? Follow us! Bridget, Shane, Jamie, Alissa, Ben and Shae await!
• Rambling and junk. You know. Stuff and things.

Download: Episode 83

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Episode 82: Holy fucking shit! It’s Penny and Johnny!

• Penny and Johnny have come up with the next big thing, the Trousie!
• We may never sleep again after learning about the existence of alligator gars!
• Check out the Incident at Loch Ness and The Grand
• Experience the horror of Gigglesnort Hotel!
• Check out one of Johnny’s many bands!
• Penny says nice things that make Bridget blush.
• Happy birthday, Tara!

Download: Episode 82

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Episode 81: But I digress.

• Ben, as Bay would say, is full of win. Witness this here and here.
• We actually like the “Too Light, Too Heavy” commercials – especially this one!
• Omaha is going to be under a lot of ice! It’ll look like this.
• Hello to Cheryl and The Fey Driver! The Fey Driver has a podcast called Pink Wheel Nuts. How awesome is that? Answer: Very.
• We discuss upcoming movies like Hot Tub Time Machine, MacGruber, and Black Dynamite.
• We discuss our favorite nutballs, the timecube guy and Jack Chick.
• Do you want to be a Line Cock?

You know you want to Episode 81. Don’t even pretend you don’t.

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Episode 80: BEN! He draws stuff for us. He even makes us videos! And now he’s on the freaking show! And I’m abusing exclamation points as a result!

• What’s worse than the Dreamie? This thing. What’s worse than that? This thing.
• Go watch this commercial and report back!
• Thanks to Penny for telling us about the fucking weather!
• Thanks to Rose for telling us about Things I Want to Punch in the Face and Fuck You Penguin!
• Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy is hilarious, especially this sheep shearing bit
• Dolomite sings!
• Hamster Talk!

Download: Episode 80

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Episode 79: It’s the Kelly and Joe show, with 100% more Kelly and Joe!

This episode was so much fun, I barely remember what we talked about! I do remember this, though:

Have you given up on living like a normal human being? Then go get a Dreamie. And a failure pile in a sadness bowl.

Download: Episode 79

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Episode 78: Um. Yeah.

• Do you have Skype? Do you enjoy saying things? Contact us if you’re interested in joining us sometime!
• This catheter commercial is freaking us out
• So I Married An Axe Murderer is on hulu. Watch it!
• Bridget received a Midwestern greeting card from this mystery listener! Thanks, Mystery Listener!
• Do you have any burning questions for us? You can ask Bridget questions here and Shane questions here. You can even be anonymous, so don’t be shy!
• Here’s where some of Bridget’s stitches ended up.
• Hi Kym!
• Kelley had her baby! Yay!

Download: Episode 78

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Hey there all you beautiful people out there in podcast land! Sadly, there will be no Pants tonight, as poor Shane has the dreaded lurgy. I know, right? Send him some love, snuggies, chicken soup, and Vicks Vapo-Rub! Also, it might help if you don’t wear pants for the rest of the day today and possibly tomorrow, just to show your support. Solidarity and junk, know what I mean?

Depending on how Mr. Tungsten is doing, we might try to record later this week. If not, we both want to say Happy Holidays, and we hope each and every one of you gets your stocking STUFFED.

Oh, and here’s a funny video that Amy sent us!

Oh, and if you have an iPhone, download Words With Friends and come and play with us!

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Episode 77: Bing!

• We discuss the new sport Vengers
• We got that B Roll!
• Thanks to Rose for letting us know about the Necky – for when you’re too stupid to secure a scarf around your neck!
• Not all Japanese culture/anime revolves around tentacle porn, as jbox proves.
• From Japan: Hard Gay. Um, yeah. NSFW.
• Christian video game? Where do I sign?
• Today’s cover art came from Nerd Boyfriend, a site that Bridget loves tenderly and deeply.

Download: Episode 77

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Episode 76: Tony! Toni! Tone!

• MST3K is on hulu!
• Hoarders. Also: Poop.
• Tony has an awkward moment that is made better through sharing with us. Awwww!
• Listeners Penny Nickels and Johnny Murder are in this video!
• Joe is cross stitching us pressies, is he still a tough guy? Yes. Yes he is.
• Bridget gets another lovely mention on PNSexplosion AND Noah says she’s cool!
• This cat likes peanut butter
• Ask Shane anything
• Game time! Twitter Mad Lib!
• What the kids today think of Santa

Download: Episode 76

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Episode 75: I *thought* I smelled cabbage!

• Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, we have discovered the official game of Emergency Pants, and it is: Hot Dog Down a Hallway. If you’ve got an iPhone, go get it!
• Clair sent us this fun clip of Armstrong & Miller
• Penny sent us this robot clip – whaaaa?
• Shane loves this store!
• Aspray makes us happy AND angry!
• Operation Smile may be doing good things, but the infomercial makes us think they’re only in it for the pudding
• PNSexplosion said Bridget’s name! If they look her in the eyes and tell her she’s pretty, she might… *you* know!
• Joe’s wife Kelly asks us about leaking nipples! Wait, what?
• We have two Kellys. Hi, Kelley!
• Kitty!
• Jamie finished his awesome graffiti stitch and is in issue 221 of CrossStitcher Magazine. No big deal, though. Whatevs.
• Don’t get all worked up, but Tony** might join us next week! Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!! *faints*
• Jerkin’.

Download: Episode 75

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Episode 74: WE NEED MORE WATER ON THE FLOOR!

• Asking Bridget how it’s going is a risky proposition
• Don’t these women know that balls are hilarious?
• Thanks to Claire and her sweetie for pointing out Radio Fail
• Ben shared this link and now we have the munchies
• Pukka Pies have ridiculous advertising posters
• Kay Jewelers – the stalker’s choice
• We gab about Wendy’s for a bit. Indulge us, won’t you?

Download: Episode 74

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• God smited us. Smited? Smote? Smote. Anyway, he totally smote us! TWICE!
• Lindsay is back! DAMN YOU, LINDSAY!!!!
• Rose made us aware of Personal Furnishings and THEN made us aware of this video! We love you, Rose.
• Shane invents the best furniture store in the history of time
• We say hi to Joe! Also, Joe’s wife!
• Shane’s favorite Family Guy moment, for your enjoyment, here.
• Ahahahahahaha, Pony Party! ^_^

Download: Episode 73

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**** Hey everyone – tonight’s episode was horribly mangled. We’re having a hard time dealing with it, because it was pretty awesome. We left the links as is for your enjoyment. ****

Episode 72: We really are sorry.

• Penny sent us this fake sitcom link!
• Bex sent us Shut Up, Woman, Get On My Horse. It’s the new Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
• Rose sent us Drunken ewoks!
• custardfairy twittered this, which reminds us that we love ridiculous oldtimey advertisements
• Bridget geeks out (just a little) about Merlin Mann of You Like Nice Today liking stuff she makes.
• Suck my liner notes, Grits to Glitz!
• VSC and Jodi are awesome

Download: Episode 72

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Episode 71: Balls.

• Shane has an excellent idea for a weight loss commercial
• Bridget had a job interview! I know, right?
• Shane has ideas about alternative ways to use the shakeweight, Bridget nearly dies laughing
• We love Fake AP Stylebook, and we bet you will, too!
• We love Mythbusters, and Bridget loves Adam Savage
• Bridget eating candy: doing it wrong
• Jamie was in an article! And there’s a video!

Download: Episode 71

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Episode 70: You know. That one. With the thingie. And stuff. You KNOW.

• Shane has trombone legs after a strenuous workout at the gym. DAMN YOU, LINDSEY! *shakes fist at sky*
• Send us stuff with You Send It! Or don’t. It’s cool. We don’t want to pressure you, baby.
• Yay for DJ Yoda! Especially this!
• Yay for DJ Mike Relm too!
• Rose sent us a link to these Star Wars dog costumes. Discuss.
• Shane’s cat Maus is special like this cat except even more awesome!

Download: Episode 70

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Episode 69: Tonight’s episode was recorded at Schropshire Lodge, Near Wallingham, Blethington, West Hamptishiretinfinlinton, just past the three bagpipers, Scotland.

• Doctor’s waiting rooms often lead to hilarity
• Shane got a shake weight!
• I wouldn’t say no to a crepe, but what I REALLY need is a spanking.
• The Consumerist is required reading
• Jim is shirtless and smeared with peanut butter, but it’s not what you think!
• The Scottish Poet McTeagle – steroetypes are fun!
• And because it’s episode 69… here.

Download: Episode 69

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Episode 68: We’re on collision course with WACKINESS!

• Please excuse Bridget’s icky voice, she has the the Dreaded Lurgy.
• Rose sent us this awesome link which provided our cover art. The hubcaps are my favorite!
• Shane is using a fancy new safety razor!
• This book talks about how things aren’t made like they used to be. Sigh.
• Bridget LOVES Glee! (Especially this clip!) Shane loves Shimmy! What’s YOUR favorite guilty pleasure tv show?
• While discussing how some female comic book heroes are the result of misogynist ideals, we create possibly the most misogynistic female superhero EVER!

Download: Episode 68

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Episode 67: You like that, huh?

Bridget is fulfilling her responsibility as an American citizen by participating in the judicial process. And junk.
We love God Hates Protesters
Bridget loves Christopher Uminga. Shane is frightened.
Have you ever had a shameful nerd argument? Tell us about it!
Never put spoons in your lungs.
What are the songs you HAVE to sing along to? (Bridget’s is 14th Street. Shane’s is So Cruel.) What are the songs you HAVE to turn up? We want to know!

Download: Episode 67

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Episode 66: We learned it from YOU, listeners! We learned it by watching YOU!

• Bridget calls shenanigans on this Miracle Whip commercial
• There was a snuggie fashion show. For reals!
• We can’t believe that somebody actually took the time to make Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus
• Psych is one of the funniest damn shows on TV. Go watch it here!
• Sween shows us all why jumping the shark should be awesome.
• Penny Nickels posted some videos that involve taste testing food bought at the asian food market. Try the Grass Jelly soda!
• Today’s cover art is courtesy of The Park Bench

Download: Episode 66

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Episode 65: We’re a loner, Dotty. A rebel.

• Thanks to Chedderfish for alerting us to the picture we discuss in today’s episode. It is also today’s cover art. Soak it in, people.
• Use the Proper Words!
• Bridget went to the Renegade Craft Fair!
• Emily and Adam of Moesewco escorted her and told her about making Stephen Fry a hat
• Rawtoastdesign had this awesome print that she regrets not buying
• Mincing Mockingbird, an artist Bridget has bought all kinds of stuff from, was super, super cool and swapped Hell for an actual, honest to God piece of art that he created! Check out his blog for cool stuff, and check out his fiance the Frantic Meerkat’s cards and prints that are also awesome!

Down “load”: Episode 65

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Episode 64 – We talked about stuff, figured out that Shane wasn’t recording, and then we talked about stuff again.

• PUPPY!
• Hey, British? What’s your deal? What the hell is a stone? And what does going pear shaped mean?
• Bridget begs Laura for forgiveness for not mentioning that she sent the porn candy wrapper link last week. Laura also pointed out People of Walmart before the rest of the internet descended upon it!
• Bridget: cock enthusiast. Jamie: not so much. But if you don’t pay attention to the byline at Mr X Stitch, it might seem that way!
• The longest, most ridiculous cock bit in Emergency Pants history
• LegendaryTigerHero provided tonight’s cover art, which is awesome.
• You know who else has an etsy store? MrXStitch.

Download: Episode 64

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Episode 63 – They’re telling secrets, honey.

• Keri sent us this awesome link to the techno version of the Slap Chop commercial! Watch it! You’re gonna love his nuts!
• Shae is awesome and has her own Youtube page! She talked about us in this video! CHECK IT OUT! WE KNOW HER!
• Thicknecked drunken douchebags are scary
• Clair called us out for making fun of the Welsh. Sorry Clair! (kinda)
• Porn candy wrappers and the hilarious response to them – thanks, Laura!
• Visit beautiful Fucking – or Wank. Whichever you’re into. Thanks to Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! for telling this story in a hilariously censored fashion!
• Don’t want to go to Fucking? Check out Rude Britian! We like Gropecunt Lane ourselves.
• Fricking hilarious, RIDICULOUSLY NSFW (naked lady ahead) blog post from PNSexplosion. READ THE TAGS, people. Srsly. Also, try the podcast!
• Tara made a Barking Spider suit for a little pooter!
• The Bugle is a funny podcast with dick jokes galore
• Go to Mr X Stitch to take part in all of our giveaway goodness!
• Bridget is wonderful! And a dork.

Download: Episode 63

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Cats.

• Bridget gets birthday goodies! Nice words and videos! A ninguin from Shane! A ghost from Jamie!
• Lia’s Dad is awesome
• Bridget is a horrible, selfish person who cannot handle knowing that there is a present for her somewhere but not knowing what it is
• Black market mustaches
• cats

This is a short one guys, but we’ll be back to normal next week!

On an unrelated, not really that funny note, Bridget has started volunteering for Turning Point Domestic Violence Agency and is trying to wrangle up some donations for them here. Thanks so much to those who have already given (I’m looking at you, Tony**, Amy and Pam!) I know times are tough, guys, but if you can give, please do!

Download: Episode 62

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Episode 61: DEAL WITH IT, PINKBOY! And Happy Birthday, Johnny Murder!

• Ben makes more stuff that is cool
• Shane walks into a nerdstorm
• Hey, Joe! Whaddya know?
• David Blaine and Criss Angel – meh.
• Gute von schlechten
• We love to eavesdrop
• It’s not just a fetish of Bridget’s – crying guys are HILARIOUS! Watch Wrestling Crying Guy, Library Crying Guy, and Tow Truck Crying Guy to see what we mean!

Download: Episode 61

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It’s episode 60, where we start off by talking about cool stuff and then suddenly become that one old guy always telling the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn.

• Shane has a bad ass tattoo! Also, his skin is falling off! Gross!
• Poltergeist and Aliens are pantscrappingly scary
• Movie theater shenanigans – fight or flight?
• Reality shows insult our intelligence!
• Something else I don’t remember!

Download: Episode 60

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Episode 59 – PANTS PARTY! Everybody’s in this one! Shane, Bridget, Tony and Jamie hang out in their fuzzy feetie pajamas and talk about boys. A very specific part of boys.

• Jamie made today’s cover art! Thanks Jamie! Unrelated: visit Photoshop Disasters
• Holy crap there is a Snuggie for dogs
• Moo and oink – just watch.
• We love Emails from Crazy People and Things That Look Like Cock N Balls
• Tony and Shane are obsessed with Obsessed
• Tony makes a friend at the gym
• One man one jar – DON’T LOOK FOR IT!
• Both Bridget’s brothers listen to the podcast. Hi Rob and Jim! Don’t tell Mom!

Download: Episode 59

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More anniversary/birthday goodness, headed your way.

Can you believe we made it a whole YEAR? Tony, Shane, and Bridget read your emails, listen to your messages, and play some of your favorite bits from the podcast. Join us on this trip down memory lane, won’t you? Thank you!

Thanks to all of our listeners, you guys are all swell. Your hair looks terrific!

Special thanks to:
Keri, who is always on the podcast – IN OUR HEARTS.
Amy and Bay at Grits to Glitz
Nessa at Stars and Tartan
Jamie aka Mr X Stitch
Rosemoo
Jodi
Shaebay
Chedderfish
High School Laura and her husband DJ
Custardfairy
Tara
Ben

Download: Episode 58

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It’s here! It’s here! The really big shew! So big, we’re breaking it down into manageable, bite-sized pieces.

Can you believe we made it a whole YEAR? Tony, Shane, and Bridget read your emails, listen to your messages, and play some of your favorite bits from the podcast. Join us on this trip down memory lane, won’t you? Thank you!

Thanks to all of our listeners, you guys are all awesome. And you SMELL fantastic!

Special thanks to:
Keri, who is always on the podcast – IN OUR HEARTS.
Amy and Bay at Grits to Glitz
Nessa at Stars and Tartan
Jamie aka Mr X Stitch
Rosemoo
Jodi
Shaebay
Chedderfish
High School Laura and her husband DJ
Custardfairy
Tara
Ben

Download: Episode 57

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Episode 56: We got nothin’!

• Sometimes we get cranky
• Summer vacations: lame or awesome?
• Johnny Murder went under the knife! Go here to send him and Penny some love
• Bridget struggles to finish a monumental task, meanwhile Shane never finishes anyth
• We love you guys. All of you. Especially you! *muah*

Next week we’re hoping to do the really big show! Last chance to send us emails, mp3′s, skype messages, or videos of semaphore flag messages!

Download: Episode 56

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Episode 55: Afternoon Delight!

• Shane makes Washington, D. C. a very lucky lady
• Warner Brothers cartoons. We miss them!
• Shane wants to abduct himself
• Look at these fucking hipsters.
• Penny Skatt rolls Bridget. Those guys need to put their shirts back on! And stop showing me your O face! Gross!
• Bridget is at peace with her unemployment
• Our cover art this week is from this t-shirt. Buy it when it’s back in print!

The really big shew is on it’s way, people – probably the last week of July. So we want to hear from YOU – Ben, Liz, John and Penny, Laura and DJ, Rachel and Will – and many more!

Download: Episode 55

Continue reading »]]> Well, hey there! You’re looking really good! Have you been working out? No really, I mean it! And you smell FANTASTIC.

Sooooo, there’s no new show tonight because Shane is a rambling man. He’s out wandering from town to town, making friends, finding love, and solving mysteries – and maybe, just maybe, learning a little about himself along the way.

We hope to be able to record on Thursday, so look for  a new episode later this week. Until then, stay awesome! *smooches*

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Episode 54: Stuff happened. I don’t remember all of it. I’m bad at things.

• Thanks to Tara for sending us swanky postcards that double as cover art!
• We consider doing a crinkle-cast
• Bridget tries to do a bit, Shane lets it die on the vine.
• We tell you what our theme songs are and what song would be played at our funeral – tell us what yours are and we can make THE BEST PLAYLIST EVER.
• More tales about our warped religious upbringing.
• How available IS dick at an all-girls Catholic college? The answer MAY surprise you.
• Fun links for the week: Kids in the Hall and Bert Parks
• Suddenly we become skate rink DJ’s

There’s still time! Email us at emergencypantspodcast@gmail.com and tell us your favorite part of the podcast so far. You can also email us an mp3 or call Emergency-pants.net on Skype and leave us a voicemail so you can be on the really big shew!

Download: Episode 54

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Episode 53: Deal with it!

• Thanks to Sutrannu for sending the BBQ States Song, making some cool art and generally being awesome
• Johnny Murder did it AGAIN! This time in panties! Go watch Close Your Robe!
• Jamie provided these links which are hilarious
• Nimbuzz is having an emoticon contest, which got us thinking about what emoticons we could use. How about you?
• What gives, celebrities? We will miss Billy Mays the most, partially because of this video
• Welcome to the world, Tyra Banks, Miss J, Jay Manuel, and (my favorite) Janice Chickenson
• Hi to Jacinta and Alissa!

Don’t forget to leave us a voicemail on Skype – emergency-pants.net – or email us an mp3 with your favorite moment of the podcast so far for our big anniversary show! Or, if you’d rather, just send us an email at emergencypantspodcast@gmail.com. Heck, you could even just leave a comment letting us know! We’re easy!

Download: Episode 53

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Episode 52, in which Bridget breaks down over the lack of response from the listeners and Shane asks you to just *look* at what you did!

• Shane needs a badass nickname, preferable one that will make a badass acronym
• Sutrannu made Shane – with spikes!
• Johnny Murder wrote a song about Ghost Sex that is awesome
• We love Keyboard Cat! Especially when he accompanies Hall and Oates or Usher!
• Food Network’s foul temptress, Giada De Laurentiis; also the Neelys are totally gonna do it on TV!
• Bridget apologizes to frogs
• Mimi made this and made Bridget cry (in a good way)
• Rachel and Will sent Bridget a care package filled with Pain and this awesome stitch – thanks guys!
• One more time – Pain. Go listen to them. We LOVE THEM. We’re playing Antidote for you in the podcast. You are welcome.
• Excuses are hilarious
• Ah, sweet Rose. You know what you did. Thanks!
• Blog love for Bridget!

Don’t forget – we’re planning an awesome anniversary show and we want to hear from YOU! Call Emergency-pants.net on Skype and leave a message or email us at emergencypantspodcast@gmail.com. Tell us your favorite story or moment of the podcast so far. Then we’ll play/read it during the super awesome one year anniversary extravaganza!

Download: Episode 52

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Enjoy episode 51, complete with Special Gift and Happy Ending!

• Listener Love! Greetings to Rachel and Shaebay; thanks to Cheryl who sent us a link about the Comfort Wipe and Penny, who sent Bridget the VERY special gift of Ferrari Guy, and Bridget finally remembers to say hi to Victor, listener and maker of Mr. Honeymelon! Also, Monsterosity made Whitefire Cherryblossom and lil Shane & lil Jamie!
• Jamie is famous!
• Shane admits that he could find a use for birdhouse and Bridget gloats
• Crazy cat lady is skilled at bringing the conversation around to cats
• Shane has an odd conversation about this poster
• Ladies – Shane is willing to fund the second class listed here!***
• We get a message from Amy and Bay that makes the boys feel funny

We’re planning an awesome anniversary show and we want to hear from YOU! Call Emergency-pants.net on Skype and leave a message or email us a mp3 at emergencypantspodcast@gmail.com and tell us your favorite story or moment of the podcast so far. Then we’ll play it during the super awesome one year anniversary extravaganza!

We’ve got an archives page now! Lookit!

Download: Episode 51

***Offer may not be honored. Funding may not be available.

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Episode 50 of Emergency Pants is dedicated to stuff we love: our listeners, weird links, and the Internet.

• HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KERI!
• Shane is giddy over his new job
• We get links to someone falling in a hilarious fashion from Julie, Drunk History from Penny, and Why the Fuck Do You Have a Kid? from Liz. Thanks, ladies!
• Jodi loves us! A lot! Go read about it here!
• Rose loves us, too! Lookie here!
• An artist that Bridget loves loves Bridget back! Eeeeeee!
• Ben made some Midwestern Greeting Cards , which we love. Thanks, Ben!
• We discuss why we love the internet. Bridget is nerdy enough to have a flickr tag dedicated to it!
• Shane admits he needs the Birdhouse iPhone application!

Download: Episode 50!

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 Episode 49. It just IS.

• Bridget can’t get enough of Nerd Boyfriend
• Mmmmmm, balls!
• Watching people gardening and writing to Congress on Salvia is freaking hilarious
• Rose made Midwestern Greeting Cards a reality. We love you, Rose!
• We continue the discussion of the heartbreak of Hyperhidrosis of the Groin
• Hi Tara, Rachel and Will, Laura, and Jamie on the train!
• Julie: new listener and tweet stitcher
• Tony sent this awesome video
• Shaebay stitched Goatse. Don’t know what it is? Read about it here to decide if you want to follow this link!

Download: Episode 49!

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Episode 48 deals with obsession, our awesome listeners, at-risk youth, and meatloaf. Lots and lots of meatloaf. Ok, not really that much meatloaf.

• Shane is the meatloaf king
• Panko!
• LOL-less update
• Shane growls for Bay and we say hi to Jodi and Rose
• Bridget and Shane were at-risk youth
• Tiptoes. It’s real. Check it out. Tell us what you think.
• Shane is obsessed with Obsessed.

Download: Episode Fo’ty-Eight

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Episode 47 of Emergency Pants finds our heroes picking up the pieces after and angry confrontation. Or not. Probably not.

• Bridget is snotty. Snooty? Snotty.
• We’re funny!
• Awkward Family Photos – thanks Liz!
• Shane has an awesome thing happen
• Bridget’s Mom is stalking Friend of the Show Jamie – except we actually tell the story this time
• Midwestern greeting cards
• Bridget’s not so excellent transit adventure
• Tighten Up! We’re gonna make it mellow for you by telling you to go watch this video.

Download: Episode 47

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Episode 46, in which Shane and Bridget are recording in the same room! Bridget ran away from home and THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE OMAHA! Also – the mystery episode! What conversations were actually recorded? Hard to say. Here’s what we might have talked about:

• Toilet paper
• The most unintentionally hilarious thing Jim has ever said
• Bridget visits with high school Laura, her witty husband DJ.
• Buttercup and Dumpling are adorable birdies and also objects of torture
• Grits to Glitz. We just love em!
• Bridget’s Mom is stalking Friend of the Show Jamie. Sorry, Jamie!
• Shane gets an awesome present (cover art, anyone?) created by the lovely and talented (and durty, durty girl) Ruby42!

From Shane: This episode features some pretty embarassing audio glitches due to the way we recorded the podcast (with both of us in the same room).  That’s also why it’s late going up!  Thanks for being so patient!

Download: Episode 46

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Episode 45 of Emergency Pants is filled, stuffed, and packed with all kinds of crazy crap. Then we tamped it down and added more.

• The unwashed man leaves nothing behind but the rank smell of balls 
• Our listeners rock, including Rachel, who took this picture, Penny, who sent Crying While Eating, and Kelley, who sent Cat Ladies and Laser Portraits.
• Bridget’s former bathroom nemesis is given a moniker – the Shameless Shitter.
• We are going LOL-less. Join us if you’re willing, call us out if we stray. We can DO this, people!
• Bitches get served in meetings and we revel in schadenfreude
• Bridget sings the “I told you so” song
• Effingboring gets stitchy!

Download: Episode 45

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Episode 44 of Emergency Pants is an Emergency Trousers edition! Bridget and Shane are joined by Friend of the Show Jamie: Bridget’s brother from a European mother, bad mother fucker, and former wonderboner.

• Sausages! Yum!
• Jamie makes some interesting fashion choices.
• We suck at compliments, part three.
• Getting angry at hairstyles.
• Special greetings from Jamie for some of our listeners – Eeeeeeee!
• Bad news: no new You Look Nice Today. Good news: Merlin Mann supplied awkward boners – hurrah!
• Mr X Stitch adds a new post – NSFW Saturdays!
• My First Dictionary – go there. Seriously.
• Bridget recounts the “box incident.” And no, not that kind of box, Shane. *sigh* See some of the crap that was in the box here and the itemized list of the crap here.

Download: Episode 44

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Episode 43 of Emergency Pants – a triumph of the human spirit!

• Beef stands are killing Chicago
• Bridget dicusses Tony’s visit in vivid and brutal detail – including a visit with the lovely and talented Patrick from PNSexplosion!
• Shane wants rats. Wait, what? Really? Okay!
• Lesbian porn embroidery caused a hub-bub over at Mr X Stitch and inspired NSFW Saturday!
• Sexy People! Go there! NOW! I mean, really! Look at THIS! And THIS!
• Amy and Bay from Grits to Glitz have a new blog called Not for a Million! Go there!
• Bridget finally shares the horror that is Yellowjacket. Sorry.
• Snarkypants is our new listener/stalker and is very funny!
• More bathroom shenanigans

Download: Episode 43

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Epsiode 42 of Emergency Pants is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. And junk.

• Bridget is expendable! *sad trombone*
• Shane shares his experience being laid. Off.
• Bridget’s Lifetime Movie title: I Decide Who I Hug: Bridget’s Story
• Shane has great love and affection for old electronics. Weird!
• Bridget is an unwilling part in the greatest telemarketing training class scam in history
• Pitfall II, Shining Force, Ballz, and Toejam and Earl
• Why Bridget would never succeed as a sex line worker
• Hurrah for Sennheiser!
• Hurrah for Stars and Tartan saying strokeface, which Bridget can’t stop laughing at!

Download: What Is Six Times Seven?

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Episode 41 of Emergency Pants has us loving LOTS of things.

• How much do we love How Much Do We Love? So. Much.
• Green Porno is sublime
• Rose sends us goodies and is awesome
• Tara took and sent us the Ultimate Wacky Neighbor video
• Needle felting is fun! Get a kit from Tobiah Mundt today!
• How to Live with a Huge Penis and Little Donny
• Shane is bringing pussy back
• Bridget is forced to clarify her position on cock and balls

Download: Episode 41

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Epsiode 39 of Emergency Pants features our dear friend Tony** sharing a heart-wrenching tale of Chronic Poo-plosion situation, or CPS – one of our nation’s noisest and smelliest killers.

• Tony** shares stories from his family’s visit
• We discuss our newest fan, Rosemoo, whose lovely drawing is the cover art of this episode
• Friend of the Show Tara points us in the direction of this awesome home-made snuggie
• We started a flickr group to store these and other cool images – check it out!
• We politely say “No, thank you,” to snoring and sneezing

Download: Episode 39

Continue reading »]]> Episode 38 of Emergency Pants, in which our heroes share their thoughts on manners with quiet dignity and grace.

• The best way to disable Shane
• Bridget’s bathroom horror – continued
• We say goodbye to some old friends – and by “friends” we mean “people we made fun of on the show”
• We decide who we hug, awkward or not
• Rachel’s amazing undertaking

Download: Episode 38

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Images courtesy of TheSmokingGun.com and horrible celebrity behavior.

It’s a special report from the Emergency Pants crew: ShamWow and Slap Chop salesman Vince Shlomi (I KNEW his name wasn’t really Vince Offer!) got himself in some trouble. Thanks to Sid, Rachel, and Chedderfish for bringing this to our attention! Thanks also to The Smoking Gun website for giving us all the gory details.

Download this Emergency (Pants) Podcast: ShamWowch!

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Episode 37 of Emergency Pants, where we talk about a lot of stuff. And things. Also, junk.

• YAY! Rachel is graduating! YAY!
• Shane discusses his arsenal and is incorrigible – these two topics are not related
• Bridget and Jamie are made famous when  the Grits to Glitz girls provide a glowing review of MrXStitch! Thanks, girls!
• Bathroom hijinks and capers
• This might not have made the recording, but we love VSC and the write-up she did of Bridget!

Download: Episode 37

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Episode 36 of Emergency Pants finds our heroes, Shane and Bridget, joined by Tony**, master of urban dictionary and knock knock jokes.

• Rachel McKay, Reluctant Mullet Technician countdown – one week left, bitches!
• Close encounters with a blue wang
• Helicopters: super-cool or terrifying bringers of doom? You decide!
• Marshmallows: same question.
• Bridget’s fangirl chronicles: King Missile

Visit our forums! C’mon, baby, you know you want to get your forum on. Or just leave us a comment. That’s cool too! ^_^

Download: Episode 36

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Episode 35 of Emergency Pants is filled with mystery and lessons about life and loss. And fisting.

• We announce the winner of MrXStitch’s recycled cross stitch! Eeeeeeeee!
• Bridget was Down With the Sickness
• Becky Stern and VSC were both featured at MrXStitch and are both super cool.
• We proclaim our undying love for Ruby42. Also, Clown Jizz amd macaroni art.
• Our podcast pals Amy and Bay at Grits to Glitz are having a limerick contest – check it out!
• Run-ins with the law, kinda
• Rachel McKay – the Reluctant Mullet Technician no more!  count down!
• Shane gets some unwelcome, creepy attention. Now he knows what it feels like! Am I right, ladies? Am I right?

We now have a forum! Discuss episode 35 here.

Download: Episode 35

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Episode 34 of Emergency Pants features the story of a brutal attack purportrated by poultry on a powerless prepubescent. Also: alliteration.

• Worlds collide! Shane and Bridget bond over idiocy they deal with on a daily basis
• Worlds collide AGAIN! Bridget’s other internet home, Mr X Stitch is having a contest – and next week we get to announce the winner. Cool, huh? Visit the site and comment on a post to get in on the contesty goodness!
• Bridget has a flashback to horrific experiences as a child on a farm thanks to the picture that serves as our cover art this week – taken by Friend of the Show and chicken lover, Jamie.
• This video makes Shane laugh! It makes Bridget laugh, then feel bad about herself, then laugh again!
• Bridget has a close encounter with “short end of the stick” guy
• Shane has the IT Guy blues

This show is dedicated to Wendy, Rose, and Simone de Beauvoir – as long as they keep their distance. About 4,000 miles, give or take.

**Note: the Kari discussed in this episode is not Friend of the Show Keri, but another Kari. Keri is not Kari, nor is Kari Keri. And Keri, you are awesome. Hi, Keri!

Also, special thanks to our hosting provider MediaTemple.

Download: Episode 34

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Hey everybody! Bridget here. I just wanted to make sure to let you all know that Jamie – friend of the show, occasional co-host, and my brother from a European mother – is having a contest at his blog this week. Just head on over to MrXStitch and comment on any one of the fabulous “Cutting and Stitching Edge” posts over the next week, starting today.  The winner of the contest will receive the recycled cross stitch you see above. See the story of how Jamie took an antique stitch and awesomed it up here. The winner will be chosen the weekend of the 7th of March and be announced by your beloved Emergency Pantsers during the March 10th episode of the podcast! How cool is that? Answer: very, very cool.

Now, since this is my podcast and therefore my space, I feel like I can finally get this off my chest. I didn’t want to say this at Jamie’s blog or on his flickr because it would have lacked class. I’m so pissed someone else is getting this stitch! As soon as I saw it completed I started making plans to find a way to manipulate things until it was residing in my home! And now, just because I’m “staff” I’m ineligible! PAH!

Anyway. Take advantage of this, people! And if you win, send it to me! *wink*

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Episode 33 of Emergency Pants is filled with random goodness!

• We love PNSexplosion so much, we bought them dinner and sent them this.
• Funny fake names used in battle
• Ghosts and old people – connected?
• We share “We shall most certainly be chums” moments
• We’re just not comfortable being complimented. *squirm*
• New listener Tara! Hi Tara!

There’s going to be a giveaway at Jamie’s blog this week! The winner gets this piece of hand-crafted awesomeness. Head on over to MrXStitch and check it out! Or not. It’s cool, baby, we don’t want to pressure you. Oh, will you look at that? How did my hand get there? Oh well… should I just leave it there, baby?

Download: Episode 33

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Episode 32 of Emergency Pants brings the euphemism contest to a close. We can’t tell you how much fun this was for us, mostly because we are still laughing. Thanks to all of our awesome listeners who participated!

• A winner is chosen! Who will it be? It’s a mystery! Unless you look at the title of this episode, that is.
• Amy from Grits to Glitz and listeners Lia and Lukas throw their euphemisms in the ring. Thanks, guys!
• Alissa LISTENED! Hi, Alissa!
• Bridget is accused of conducting outbound phone sex
• Jim is filled with awesome and win
• Twitter incidents
• Bridget realizes that she is a clown, and that she is perfectly okay with that.

Bridget is now doing regular posts at MrXStitch’s blog! (That’s Jamie, people!) Drop by and show your support – or not. We don’t want to pressure you, baby. Why don’t we just sit here with the lights off and watch 9 and 1/2 Weeks instead?

Wow, your hair smells great. *sniff*

Download: Episode 32