Maybe because it was my last stop for the day or maybe it was because I’m absent minded by nature but the other evening I found myself standing in the frozen food aisle of Trader Joe’s utterly confused. I had stopped to pick up a few things for the next day’s dinner. We were having friends over and I wanted it to be special. I had grabbed some lemons, an eggplant, and a potted basil plant that swayed when I pushed the cart.

Near the back corner of the store the demo station was winding down for the night but left on the counter in miniature paper cups were slices of dinner rolls. I parked my cart off to side and picked up one of the cups of white processed sweet wheat.

Devouring the bread sample, I grabbed my cart and headed toward the frozen food aisle to get a bag a frozen chicken when I looked down and saw this.

My cart was piled high with of loaves of bread, cupcakes, pies, and other sweets. Where was my eggplant and basil? Whose cart was this? Then it occurred to me that it may be mine. I seriously contemplated the possibility that I had absent-mindedly wandered through the store and subconsciously picked up all this carby goodness.

Crazy thoughts like this aren’t really so crazy when you are up to your neck in sugar addiction.

I haven’t been writing much here lately. Driving to Alaska, taking care of our new baby, keeping our two older homeschoolers on task are all part of my absence here but I’ve also been guzzling sugar like M&Ms are going to be discontinued tomorrow. Then to add to the fire or should I say “lack of” my workout schedule has all been but nonexistent.

I’ve gone back to the “dark days” of pre-2008 (<==my take on nutrition has also changed a bit since). The time when I hid outside my house and drank cups of maple syrup. The times when I would steal candy from my kids.

There is some light in the chocolatey darkness. I’m not depressed like I was seven years ago. I’m not happy about this struggle with sugar but I’m not dealing with a true depression and would never want to minimize those who struggle with clinical depression because I’ve been there and it’s serious. Overall, more days than not, I feel pretty dang balanced and quite often downright peaceful.

But but but…there is this uncontrollable urge to consume sugar and my question is why?

Why?

WHY???

Is it emotional? Physiological? A combination?

A few weeks ago I kept a record of how I felt when I ate sugar and discovered…there was absolutely no pattern. None. I ate sugar when I was excited. I ate sugar when I was bored. I ate sugar when I was feeling aloof. I ate sugar when I was happy. I ate sugar when I wanted to procrastinate. I ate sugar when I was feeling peaceful. I ate sugar because it was a beautiful day and I wanted to add to my pleasure. I ate sugar because “it was there”.

The last time I combatted my sugar addiction I gave up sweets  cold turkey on New Year’s day 2008. During that time I “graduated” myself from “no sugar” to “homemade treats made with unrefined sugars”. It worked beautifully and I rarely felt deprived until I was sabotaged by the Boy Scouts and then again by Halloween when I picked up my first piece of candy in nearly four years. It didn’t take long for that bite sized piece of corn syrup to turn into an avalanche of sugar.

Before those M&Ms melt in your mouth and not in your hand, I was right back where I had started from four years before with one difference, I knew a lot more about sugar’s effect on the body. Previously, I knew my childhood dentist warned against candy and I knew sugar wasn’t helping me loose those extra pounds I was carrying but now I knew about insulin sensitivity, sugar’s link to cancer and other diseases, and sugar has even been associated with premature aging. But even my vanity can’t keep me out of the candy aisle.

Generally speaking I’m very grateful for my life and experience a great deal of happiness most days but I’m also tired. Tired of dealing with the constant cravings. Tired of the guilt that I put on myself for the sugar binges. Tired of worrying that I’m going to get cancer from all the sugar.

I really just want to be able to go to open a pint of ice cream and not eat the whole thing. I really want to be able to eat a few Hershey Kisses and not a whole bag. I really want to be able to keep my kid’s Christmas candy  in the house and not think about it all day.

So that’s where I’m at.

People who know me well know that I’m stubborn as hell determined. I’m determined to understand and overcome this addiction. It just may take me awhile and while that’s not very inspiring, it’s honest.

Sugar may have knocked me down but I’m not dead.

If you have any advice I’m all ears.

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

Check out our family’s adventures at Newschool Nomads as we travel in our RV through the United States!

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We did it!

We drove from Key West to Alaska!

When we started out I had all these grand intentions of working out in amazing locations. As it turned out we were moving very fast because I was on a writing schedule for Go RVing and winter was (is) on our heels so we couldn’t dawdle. It’s not the easiest thing to fit in workouts or get motivated while traveling in an RV full time but add in a baby, 1000s of miles under our tires in a matter of weeks, travel planning,  sightseeing, normal family stuff, writing deadlines and fitting in workouts becomes even more challenging. It was kinda like working full time while being on vacation.

Ummm….not complaining!

I’m not complaining because it was one of the best summer’s of my life! We fell in love with Alaska. I lost count on how many times Brent and I had the “what would it be like to live here” discussion. If it wasn’t so far from family I really think we would live there half of the year.  The beauty of Alaska is beyond words. Anyway it’s all documented on the Go RVing blog.

We might have been busy hiking, seeing glaciers, spotting wildlife, and working but I did find time to fit in a few workouts here and there. I think they averaged to about 1.5 a week. Most of them I did with my new workout partner Thing 1. He’s quite disciplined that one and puts me to shame!

Here are a few of the spots. I didn’t bother capturing all of them.

At a rest stop on our way to Chicken, Alaska.
It’s hard to see but that’s the Alaska Range in the background.

This was outside on Palmer on the Knik River where we camped for 6 nights.

This was at a campground near Fort Nelson in Canada.

There is a lot of construction on the Alaska Highway and sometimes you have to wait 15-30 minutes for the pilot car to lead you down the road. Brent (It was his idea this time. <=== Somethings just don’t change.) thought it was a perfect time for a mini workout.

We are getting to old to care what people think.

This was my favorite workout spot of all on the spit in Homer, Alaska.
Have you been to Homer?  It’s so rad!

Since I spent way more time sightseeing that working out here are some glimpses from the last few months on the road.

(The top middle is Mount McKinley or Denali!)

This guy is getting so big! He’ll be as heavy as my kettlebell soon!

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

Check out our family’s adventures at Newschool Nomads as we travel in our RV through the United States!

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Hi there! I haven’t disappeared on the Alaska Highway.

We are still making our way up to Alaska from Key West, FL. It’s kinda crazy traveling with an infant and keeping up with our big boys. This is going to be one memorable adventure. I can’t believe how much we’ve seen the last two months. Between caring for my family and all the traveling I haven’t had much time to write but I’m still documenting our journey at  Go RVing.

Last week, I decided it was time to FINALLY pull out the kettlebells and pull-up bar. Thing 3 is 13 weeks old and I felt like my body was ready. I did my first kettlebell workout in months in Banff National Park. It’s hard to tell in the picture above because it was a cloudy day but the views were phenomenal. Our RV was surrounded by gorgeous mountains.

Finding time to workout with an infant is no joke. We walked and walked until he fell asleep in his stroller and then I busted out a quick workout while he slept nearby. I was a little bummed to realize I had to use two bands to do pull-ups. Losing strength was to be expected but I didn’t know just how much!

We also did some hiking last week. I hiked 2 miles uphill in the rain with about 30 extra pounds between Thing 3 and my backpack. My legs were spent at the end! That’s Lake Louise in the background.

This was a beautiful hike in Jasper.

Thing 3 seems to really enjoy being out in nature. If he is fussy I’ll carry him outside and being in trees seems to calm him down…just like his mama.

Before we headed up to Banff we stopped at Costco in Calgary to stock up. I may or may not have 18 heads of romaine in my fridge! After all we have a long remote drive, over 1500 miles, ahead of us to Alaska. I wouldn’t want to run out of lettuce.

We don’t have internet here in Canada unless we stop at a coffee shop or library so I’m not able to update as much as I like. Hopefully that will change once we get to Alaska.

Until then here’s the little big guy who is keeping my hands full and heart happy!

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

Check out our family’s adventures at Newschool Nomads as we travel in our RV through the United States!

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Never forget you will go as far as you believe you can so make your goals big! – Brandi

Brandi understands the challenge of overcoming bad habits and finding balance. A few years ago Brandi decided to make a healthy lifestyle change and is now a personal trainer training people out of her home.  She lives in Colorado with her husband and two kids, border collie (her running buddy!), and two scaredy cat kitties. She enjoys spending time with family and they have started spending more time traveling. They are looking forward to seeing more of the country. You can find her on Facebook at Iron Logic Fitness.

Read on to find out about how lifting weights changed Brandi’s life and set her on the course to become who she is today!

1. Was there an event that sparked your lifestyle change?

As a kid growing up I was not athletic at all! I was drinking sodas all day long I didn’t play sports. After high school and a very short lived college experience, I went to work in jobs which were very active and my weight took care of itself. I was able to get away with eating fast food lunches and hamburger helper dinners. While I wasn’t skinny or heavy and I was pretty comfortable with my body. I was a smoker and was definitely not the picture of health.

2. Tell us a little about the process?

In my early 20s I went to work in a very sedentary job as a 911 dispatcher. Between stress and ordering in food and not working in a physical setting I put on 15 pounds my first year. At 25 I had my first kiddo and luckily the weight came off fairly quickly. I was not so lucky with the second child at age 28. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes during my pregnancy and after my daughter was born the weight did not come off nearly as quickly. I went back to work at the end of my maternity leave at 185 pounds which is far too much for my 5’5 1/2″ inch frame. After trying weight watchers I realized I was not getting the results I wanted. I started exercising and began lifting weights along with utilizing the Body For Life Program which I learned about from a coworker. My love of weight lifting was born and the weight started falling off at a rapid rate with the changes in my nutrition and workouts.

3. When did you decide you wanted to pursue a career in fitness? Are you glad you made that decision?

After doing 4 figure competitions my drive to learn grew and I read everything I could get my hands on to learn about nutrition and fitness. I had learned if I really wanted my body to change it couldn’t happen with a gimmick or a get skinny quick temporary diet. I learned how hard I had to push and what good nutrition meant. I went from believing I couldn’t change where I was to KNOWING I could change and I wanted to share that knowledge with others. There were a lot of steps in between my first certification and where I am today in fitness and my fitness drive and beliefs. I am always glad I have had the experience of getting to help others to not make the same mistakes I have made and there is nothing better than watching someone push through a stall to succeed.

4. What’s the most rewarding part of your job?

Many people come to me to lose weight. I want to ensure everyone can see their progress in more than just the scale. It is easy to see the scale get stuck and to become demotivated. I constantly track and evaluate workouts to ensure my personal training clients and measurements in my nutrition clients to ensure we are getting forward progress. We complete testing routinely to ensure the workouts we do are creating the results in strength and endurance that each personal training client wants. I love to see someone killing a skill they once couldn’t do and I love to see bodies changing before my eyes when someone is nailing their diet.

5. How do you find balance with family/work, nourishing/splurging, etc? Is that hard for you?

I am working on finding balance and it can definitely be hard. Let’s face it.. working and raising a family can be a great challenge. I work 40 hours a week in my 911 dispatcher job and another 20-30 personal training and creating nutrition plans for clients. I also teach group fitness classes 1-2 hours a week at a local recreation center in addition to the full time job of being a wife and parent. I am guilty of taking on “just one more client” when I should say no which then puts the needs of my client’s schedules ahead of my own. I love it so much it is hard to hold back when I feel like I can help someone to get where they want to go. As far as nourishing/splurging I am constantly checking myself and most of the time I eat very well. I definitely have my moments where old habits want to sneak back in and I eat more than I should or I have a sweet treat when I shouldn’t. Old habits die hard and I am far from perfect. I think that is also one of the things that makes me approachable to my clients. I truly get it when they “go off the rails”. I have lived it and may live it again. The difference between the me of 10 years ago and the current version of me is I know have a really clear understanding of nutrition and what it means to eat well and how truly important it is for your long term health to surround yourself with nourishing foods. You are unquestionably a product of your dietary habits.

6. You competed in figure completions? What was that experience like? Did you enjoy it? Regrets?

I completed 4 competitions and while I didn’t win I certainly learned a lot about myself. I learned I am no happier at 125 pounds than 140 and I am a heck of a lot stronger and more resilient at 140. Competing can be a rush and it can be a huge blow to your self esteem. It is hard to see yourself as lean enough after you have pushed to your body to levels it hasn’t seen before. I am happy to have a more balanced and healthy focused approach now in my fitness instead of being focused on a look or a number on a scale.

7. Any goals you are working towards now?

I am running a 200 mile team relay race in August and I am working on sharpening my skills in Olympic Lifts. Personally I am trying to create more work and life balance so I can spend some quality time chasing around my tween and teen as they are growing.

8. Any advice for people just beginning their fitness/health journey?

Surround yourself with people who believe in you and lean on them when you feel weak. I have had a lot of great support friends over the years in helping me to reach new goals. Never forget you will go as far as you believe you can so make your goals big!

Don’t do things that suck! If you don’t like to run, find another way to work out. Don’t be afraid of trying new things until you find your niche.

Finally, please let your focus be on eating well and moving more and creating long term health. In 30 years will you care that you were the skinniest or the fastest? Will you be in your own home because you practiced balance or in a nursing home with multiple health issues and injuries because you refused to change your bad habits today. The only person who can protect your future is you.

Thank you Brandi for sharing your story, you are a Girl Hero!

If you want to find Brandi check out her page Iron Logic Fitness.

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

Check out our family’s adventures at Newschool Nomads as we travel in our RV through the United States!

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Learning about how other women find balance and achieve their health goals inspires and motivates me and I can’t think of a better Girl Hero than Danny-J to relaunch the Girl Hero features!It’s always fun to connect with people who share common interests so when I learned that Danny from the Sweaty Betties was soon to be living on the road I had to know more.

Currently, Danny lives in Dallas, Texas with her husband of seven years and they are “still wild about each other”. They have two pups Peanut the Lab and Baloo “The Most Interesting Dog in the World”. Her favorite past time is just “doing whatever” and “create adventures” with her husband. Danny’s work does’t feel like work because she loves everything she does. She has created multiple streams of income through business coaching for other bloggers and trainers, online personal training, affiliate marketing and network marketing with Nerium.

Get to know Danny as she shares her lifestyle tips,what she learned as a figure competitor, and even what she would say to her daughter who she lovingly placed for adoption when she was 15. Her honesty and energy is contagious and you won’t finish this interview without feeling like you too can tackle life with a smile!

What inspired you to start your site, The Sweatie Betties? And what is your mission for the site?

​I was in the fitness industry; doing bikini and figure competitions. I really wanted to be an inspiration to others, to show what someone can do, but at some point it became all consuming and I realized that the picture of ‘health’ a lot of these fitness pros put on wasn’t the whole truth. I wanted women to know that they could be fit without having to spend 7 days a week 2 hours a day at the gym. They could have a life, maybe some stretch marks and not perfect bodies and still BE fit and feel amazing and have fun and not take life so seriously!​ My mission for the site is to provide non-BS information, ideas, motivation and education on fitness, lifestyle, leadership and self-esteem.

Do you have a favorite exercise? What does a typical week of workouts look like for you?

​Hmmm I LOVE Crossfit but I haven’t done it in so long. My favorite exercise, not to do, but my favorite for RESULTS are walking lunges. Such a great booty lifter!!  A typical week, sad to say, lately has been no workouts at all. I have been very open with my struggles with adrenal fatigue and metabolic damage after competition. I started working out 4 days a week at the beginning of the year but recently had a major relapse in symptoms. As I start to feel better, I always go back to my 12 week lifting program though, its solid and keeps me sore. You can download it HERE. 

What motivates you to take care of your body?

​I have a family history of obesity. My grandmother and uncle both had gastric bypass surgery. My parents have always struggled with their weight, my aunts and uncles have weight problems. I just don’t want to have my life always dictated by diets. I’ve been witness to it my whole life. It takes up space in my brain that I should be using to help others. ​

You used to compete in fitness, figure, and bikini competitions. What was that like for you and what did you learn from those four years?

I have great memories and not so great.

I learned that I have amazing discipline and I can do anything I set my mind to and focus on. I loved having a goal to train for and an “excuse” for going to the gym. I also learned that I have more to offer in life than just a hot body and that I really wanted to focus on more experiences. Competing can put you in a very eating disordered mindset (especially after already struggling with that for years). I learned how to manipulate food and exercise very well, I learned a lot of science, but I also learned that life has so many more things to offer. While I don’t regret competing, I do wish that I hadn’t done it for so long.​

You mention in your about page that you were a suicidal teen and experienced an unplanned pregnancy at 15 years old. What would you say now to your teenage self?

​Wow. I do think about this often as my daughter now is past the age that I had her. I know the way I look at her pictures and love her so much without ever having met her. I am always out here silently cheering her on.. and I think now.. there must have been people out there cheering me on when I was that age, wishing that I could see my own potential, wishing that I wasn’t hurting. I think that the only thing I would tell myself back then would be… “this too shall pass and you’re going to be amazing and fine”. I think that angels and divine intervention come in many forms and there were circumstances and people who did say the right things to me at the right time and for those reasons, I am still here.

The Sweaty Betties site oozes positivity! How do you stay so positive and how do you deal with life’s downfalls?

​I have my moments. I have to work hard on not being a pessimist and I’ve gotten a lot more open minded. I don’t believe the internet or social media is the place to complain and I really believe that what you think about/focus on, grows. So even if I’m in a funk, I try and look for the good in the situation because I literally have no control over anything else but my own thoughts. Sometimes I worry too much, I hate letting people down and I sometimes put other people’s feelings over my own. Luckily my husband is a great sounding board and will tell me when I need to stick up for myself or value myself more.Surrounding yourself with good people who want you to be better is key.

>

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So here’s our big news…

We are going to ALASKA!!!

We are not just going to Alaska we are making it an epic road trip of 6000 miles from Key West to Alaska. I’m so excited! Alaska has been on our dream list since we left but until now we’ve only talked about it. Honestly, driving the Alaskan highway seemed a little scary to me. I’ve heard it can be very remote at places. What if we run out of gas? What if we are in an accident and there isn’t reception? What if? What if? What if? But after seeing the 48 states we knew it was time to set those “what ifs” aside and make our dream a reality so here we go!

Go RVing is partnering with us on the trip so I’ll be sharing our weekly update on their blog. Our first week in Key West was posted this week. I’ll certainly be sharing parts of it here too but if you are interested in the details beyond food and fitness check out my posts on the Go RVing blog. Or you can like Newschool Nomads on Facebook. I post photos daily and share the Go RVing posts.

So going to Alaska means I get to film my 49th kettlebell workout. Filming another kettlebell workout also means I need to deal with some body image stuff.

It’s been 8 weeks since Thing 3 was born and my body is nowhere near where it was and to tell you the truth I have mixed feelings about it.

Don’t Care Days

Much of the time, I really don’t care.

Truly don’t care. It’s quite freeing.

(Although to be honest, most days my hair is a mess and I don’t brush my teeth until noon so maybe I’m just “letting myself go” in the name of freedom!)

I even have this vision of myself that’s smaller than reality. For instance, the other day I went shopping and I grabbed a few pairs of shorts that by looking at them I was SURE they were going to fit. Into the dressing room I went and was shocked that I couldn’t get them up over my thighs. I had to get two sizes bigger than what I thought.

Here’s the really good part.

I mentally shrugged my shoulders and felt nothing.

Nothing.

There was no emotional low afterwards because my self worth was not attached to my size. Grabbing a different size of short was like deciding a different color would look better.

It’s a sign I have either come a long way in regards to body image or I’m just too dang tired to care. Probably a bit of both.

Do Care Days

Then there are days when I button up my pants and notice my tummy pushing out and over the waistband and think, I really need to start working out again and maybe I shouldn’t have eaten those three heaping spoonfuls of almond butter.

And the tone I’m using with myself may not be so nice.

Then I think of filming my Alaska workout and feel a little horrified imagining how much my butt is going to jiggle when I do swings.

Images of all these other fit bloggers fill my mind with self doubt.

I remind myself….

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Attributed to Theodore Roosevelt

…and I move on.

___

When we first hit the road, I had all these grand ideas of filming a workout in every state with a six pack. Months before we left I thought I’ll get my six pack back but as our departure date grew close I didn’t get any leaner.

Once we hit the road, I still didn’t get leaner. In fact, I started to gain weight especially when I added sugar back into my diet. I decided I would rather indulge in the unique culinary experiences to be had all over the country than to chase after a body type that would require huge amounts of discipline. (Side note: I don’t see anything wrong with having this type of body and the discipline it requires as long as the person is still thriving emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. There’s too much body bashing out there from all directions and I don’t want to join the mob.)

Two and half years later, I’m back at a size that may have triggered depression 6 years ago.

Now things are different. There are days I care and days I don’t. The “don’t care” days far outnumber the “do care” days. Perhaps when I’m less sleep deprived I’ll care more.

But one thing is for sure whether I do dare or don’t care, I’m done attaching my self worth to my size.

Done.

So I’m heading up to Alaska and I’m going to film my 49th kettlebell workout and if I’m still two sizes bigger then so be it. Take it as a sign that I’m thoroughly enjoying my life and body as it is.

Or that I’m still seriously sleep deprived.

Or maybe that this little guy’s face melts aways all the worries in the world.

I hope all is well with you. Aside from being sleep deprived things are going well in our world on wheels!

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

Check out our family’s adventures at Newschool Nomads as we travel in our RV through the United States!

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Hello from the Florida Keys! This is one of our favorite places to visit. It’s were I filmed my Florida kettlebell workout two years ago.

I’m doing well and I have some very exciting news (at least I’m super excited!) that I’m going to share next week. There is a BIG adventure ahead but until then here is a little update on life lately.

The last few weeks have been focused on finding our family’s new “normal”…well as normal as life on the road in an RV can be.  As those of you with kids know, having a new baby is a challenging but wonderful adjustment. Trying to figure out how to do homeschool, travel, exercise, work, errands, and everything else that needs to be done with a new little person that requires constant attention can be overwhelming. I’ve kept my expectations low but have been blown away by my older boys willingness to help. The other day Thing 2 even watched the baby and folded laundry while I took a shower! Thing 1 made dinner the other night and both help with daily chores!  

I did follow my midwives recommendation and rested thoroughly for 3 weeks. When she told me about the “21 day rest rule” I was very worried about going stir crazy. That did happen a few times but for the most part those 21 days very special and I’ll cherish that time always . My days were spent bonding with Thing 3 and spending time with the older boys. I did my best to not even think about the things that “needed” to be done and instead I focused on really being in the moment with my  littles or not so littles. At times it was a bit surreal to be nursing a baby and having heart to heart talks with my teenager.

I was surprised to find myself sad to resume normal activities after 21 days of doing nothing. Don’t get me wrong I was excited to be up and about but I found myself missing those long days cuddling and nursing the baby. I wish I would have done the same thing with my older boys but I’m very grateful for my wise midwife who insisted that I do this with Thing 3. I’m also grateful to Brent and my parents who recognized how important this time was for my healing and Thing 3. I’m fully aware that not all women have this type of support and I don’t take it for granted.

I’ll be six weeks postpartum tomorrow but I won’t likely be resuming strength training for another 4-6 weeks. My labor and delivery were very difficult and my body is going to need more time than average to heal.  If I’m understanding “Dr Google” correctly, there may be some damage that is going to take many months to heal and perhaps a lifetime of conscious lifestyle choices to manage.  My midwife didn’t want to give me a diagnosis before giving my body plenty of time to heal so I’m trying to remain hopeful that my body will continue to repair itself. Fingers crossed Dr Google is wrong!

Since I’m not strength training I started walking and doing some light yoga. Thing 3 likes being in the stroller and he often falls asleep.  So I’m hoping that when I am able to resume strength training I’ll be able to go on walks and do a short kettlebell workout while he chills in his stroller afterwards.

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

Check out our family’s adventures at Newschool Nomads as we travel in our RV through the United States!

If you enjoyed this post you can follow one of three ways! 1. Subscribe to the RSS Feed 2. “like” on Facebook, or 3.  Sign up to have posts emailed to your inbox. Simple dimple!

The post Life Lately – Finding a New “Normal” with Baby appeared first on Girl Heroes.

Thing 3 was born at home in our RV on April 12th. It was by far the most painful but also one of the most beautiful and empowering experiences in my life. We had a birth photographer so as soon as I get those pictures and can find the time I’ll share the story.

I’m grateful to report that Thing 3 is healthy and thriving. Nursing is going well and he gained his birthweight back plus 2 oz by the time he was 10 days old. I’m recovering slowly and couldn’t be more in love with this little guy.

It’s really cool to have a baby and teenagers at the same time. Not only is it fun to watch them interact with the baby but I have a new much broader perspective and know how fast this time will go. I don’t mind getting up at 2 am for feedings and I’m spending every second I can cuddling and taking in his newborn smell.

An hour after birth.

Here are some pictures of our first week together.

My midwife has given me a “21 day rule”. Meaning I’m not supposed to do much for 21 days until my body heals. At first I was resistant but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. My body went through a lot the last 9 months and certainly during the 19 hours of back labor and pushing out a posterior baby. (I ended up with 15 stitches! Yikes!) Numerous times I’ve heard women talk about how quickly they were back on their feet and how quickly they “bounced back”.

I’m choosing to pass on that “badge of honor”. Instead, I’m going to give my body the time it needs to heal and spend this time bonding with my sweet new baby.

Also I’m not planning to start an exercise routine until at least 6 weeks postpartum and it will most likely be 8+ weeks. Again, I want to give my body adequate time to fully heal. I have nothing to prove. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss being active.  I’m really looking forward to swinging kettlebells and yoga again. In the meantime, I’m learning more about fitness by taking an online course to get some CEUs needed to maintain my personal trainer certification.

I know there has been a lot of baby stuff the last few months. It’s where I’m at but I do  plan to start posting more about fitness again. I have quite a few more videos to edit and I plan on sharing my journey about losing the baby weight. I gained about 41 pounds and two weeks after giving birth have about 20 pounds left to lose. Not only that but we plan to start traveling again in about a month. We are currently trying to decide if we want to head back out west, up to Maine, or perhaps up to Alaska. So there is definitely some interesting times ahead.  In the meantime, I hope you’ll stick around.

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

Keep up with my kettlebell workouts, real food recipes, and more in one of three ways! 1. Sign up to have posts emailed to your inbox. 2. Subscribe to the RSS Feed or 3. “like” Girl Heroes on Facebook. Simple dimple!

Journey with our family on the road at Newschool Nomads as we travel fulltime in RV through the United States.

The post Welcome Thing 3!!!! appeared first on Girl Heroes.

So I’ve been eating pineapple and dates, walking, doing spinning babies exercises (don’t ask), and spent more time on my hands and knees these last few weeks than I have in my entire life. (I really should have invested in knee pads.) I’ve also turned in all my Go RVing assignments, written a few drafts for my blogs, cleaned the RV multiple times, and stocked my fridge and freezer with food. I even trimmed my bangs just in case I was subconsciously being stressed out by them and besides labor is uncomfortable enough without being poked in the eyes. Still no baby. Maybe I’m going to be the first woman to be pregant forever and I’ll get to be on the cover of Time or something.

In the meantime, here is Thing 2’s birth story.

After my less than ideal experience birthing Thing 1, I knew I wanted a different kind of birth if possible. Recovering from a c-section was awful but what was worse was not being able to hold him right away and the problems it caused with nursing. With my next baby I was determined to be able to hold him immediately assuming he was healthy and my determination led to a different set of choices.

The Prenatal Days

We started trying for another baby when Thing 1 was a little over a year. It didn’t take long to get pregnant but I ended up miscarrying due to a blighted ovum.  A few months later, I found out I was pregnant again when Brent brought me some Jack in the Box chicken fingers and I almost threw up at the sight of them. Although Jack in the Box could make an 80 year old man feel like he had morning sickness.

Emotional/Spiritual/Relational

This pregnancy was a completely different game than my previous pregnancy. I still went to therapy but only once or twice a month. For the most part, I had overcome the mental struggles and depression. We had bought our first house, a fixer upper, and were busy making it our home. However, the first few years of our marriage had been rough on Brent and I and we faced some problems. It wasn’t fun but he started going to therapy with me and over the course of the pregnancy we began to communicate better and develop an even deeper understanding of each other. I’m so thankful that we chose to face and resolve those problems before our second baby arrived.

Physical

Like Thing 1, morning sickness was pretty rough but around 12 weeks it went away. I still didn’t know much about exercise and nutrition but I knew I didn’t want to gain 70 pounds again. Especially since I hadn’t lost all of the weight I had gained with Thing 1. I also knew that eating a pint of ice cream and multiple packs of candy a day wouldn’t help anything so I ate much better in comparison and ended up gaining about half the weight. I hadn’t started strength training at that point in my life but we were busy fixing up our house so without knowing it I was doing all sorts of functional fitness. I remember  shoveling huge piles of dirt at 6 months pregnant as well painting, sanding, and gardening. I was on my feet working and taking care of a toddler for hours every day.

Educational

It never really occurred to me that I wouldn’t be able to do a VBAC (vaginally birth after cesarean). In fact during that time VBACs were actually more common than they are now as I would find out eleven years later. In 1999 the ACOG recommended that a doctor to be immediately available to perform a cesarean resulting in many hospitals banning vbacs over the next few years. Luckily, at the time of my pregnancy my hospital had not issued a ban. Unfortunately, the hospital has since changed their policy. Anyway, having a vbac didn’t seem like a big deal or a risk at the time. It seemed like what any healthy woman should do if they so desired.

It should also be noted that due the increase of c-sections (It’s now 1 in every 3 women.) in 2010 the ACOG released less restrictive guidelines on VBACS and said, “most women with one previous cesarean delivery with a low-transverse incision are candidates for and should be counseled about VBAC and offered a TOLAC” (trial of labor after cesarean). Unfortunately, many (most?) doctors and hospitals still stick with the old guidelines even when a repeat cesarean carries more risks compared to a vbac. Even the mainstream Mayo Clinic says,  “The risks associated with a vaginal delivery are lower than the risks associated with a C-section overall.”

All that to say I was determined to experience a natural birth and was willing to take the extra steps in education to make that happen.

We decided to take a Bradley Childbirth Class this time around and read the book, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way: Revised Edition. It has the worst pictures in a birth book ever but has some really great advice especially for the partner. I also read the The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer. A really good read btw.

Instead of using my previous doctor who was supportive of vbacs, I started seeing a midwife at his practice and planned for a natural birth. We hired the same doula that we had used for our first birth and since I was facing my fears this time around I hoped I’d actually be able to lean into her for support unlike the last time.

Birth

This time around I was impatient and a little worried about having a big baby again so I decided to drink castor oil and have my membranes stripped the day of my due date. Whether it was the castor oil or just a coincidence I don’t know but it worked. I went into a labor a few hours later. I have a few words to describe labor.

Back labor was hell.

It felt like someone was drilling into my spinal column without anesthesia. I moved from my bed to the tub and back again. At one point, I felt like I was going mad and ran around our bedroom screaming. All my preparation felt useless and it became a living nightmare. I wanted to kill anyone said labor could be pleasant or enjoyable. Those women had clearly never experienced back labor. (For the record, I am still hopeful that labor can be pleasant and doesn’t have to be painful but we’ll see in the upcoming days.)

Despite the worse pain in my life, I was determined to have a successful vbac and had learned that the longer I stayed at home laboring the better chance I had of achieving that goal. After what felt like 10,000 years I started to get the urge to push and my doula, who was a midwife in training, checked me to find out I was dilated to 8 cm. Time to go to the hospital.

Getting to the hospital was a blur. I road in my doula’s car “just in case” and Brent followed us. After checking in and getting a room, a nurse scolded me for pushing because my midwife hadn’t arrived. My doula whispered to me and said if I wanted to push gently I could. Thank God because it hurt like hell to not push.

My midwife arrived and checked me I was still at an 8 cm. At this point I was mentally and physically exhausted and felt like I would do anything to get rid of the pain. I asked for an epidural and despite being so far along in labor my midwife thought it would be a good idea so I could get some rest before I pushed. A few minutes later I felt the relief of the epidural and it wasn’t long before I fell asleep for a few hours.

Early in the morning, my midwife came back and found I still had a “lip” around my cervix. In other words, I wasn’t 100% dilated so she pushed back the lip and asked for the epidural to be turned off. What?!?! No, I begged for it to be left on but she insisted that the baby would be out before it wore off.

Wrong.

What we didn’t know (or if my midwife knew she didn’t tell me) was Thing 2 was posterior or facing up instead of being in the ideal position of looking at my backbone where the smallest part of his head comes out first. This was why I was having such ferocious back labor. His skull was grinding against my spine. The same with pushing. For over two hours, I pushed what felt like a stuck bowling ball.

If you remember from Thing 1’s birth story I had a few issues with birth. While I was no longer totally grossed out by birth, there was no way I was going to look in a mirror and Brent was not allowed to look down there either. (He doesn’t have any issues with birth but totally respects my feelings.) My midwife suggested Brent sit in between my legs and we would both pull on opposites ends of a towel while I pushed. Ummm….no. But my midwife insisted so she draped a small towel over that area and would periodically peek under to towel to check my progress. In hindsight, it was kinda funny. The towel pushing also really helped me to push more efficiently and it felt good to work as a team.

Finally two hours later, I saw Thing 2’s face looking right up at me. He never did turn and came out posterior. My midwife took my hands and slipped them under his armpits and I pulled him the rest of the way out and up to my chest. A completely different experience than having my baby whisked by me in the operating room.

We spent the night in my hospital room and he never left my side. It was wonderful. The nurses on the other hand were less than wonderful. It seems they had to come in every five minutes for something. At one point, I was falling asleep and someone came in rudely insisted I get out of bed and sit on a sitz bath. Later, another woke me and Thing 2 up and said we “had to nurse”. But after my previous birth I really didn’t care too much. They were just doing their job and I was just happy to have not been sliced open and have my baby by my side.

Postpartum

I don’t know if it was not having a c-section or being in a better mental space or both but postpartum was much easier this time around. Recovering from a vaginal birth wasn’t a walk in the park. I had torn and had stitches but it sure was a heck of a lot easier than a recovering from a c-section. I did have some postpartum depression but it wasn’t as bad as the first time.

Nursing went well and my milk came in much quicker than with my previous delivery. I wasn’t hooking myself up to a breast pump for hours a day. That was a huge relief.

My biggest challenge was Thing 1. He and I were so close (we still are) and he wasn’t particularly excited about his new baby brother. In fact, a few days after bringing the baby home, he grabbed my cheeks in anger and screamed in my face. It broke my heart to see him so upset but with time he realized that he was still loved.

What I learned

I learned that hard work pays off. I spent hours educating myself and preparing for a vbac. I learned you have to stay flexible. Getting an epidural wasn’t part of my plan but it turned out to be a good choice because it allowed me to get some rest which helped with the two hours of pushing that followed.

I learned that nutrition makes a difference. As I said in my other birth post, I ate a terrible high sugar diet with Thing 1 and gained almost 70 pounds. While my diet was far from perfect with Thing 2, I did “watch what I ate” and gained about half the weight. Thing 2 weighed a full two pounds less than Thing 1.

Most importantly, I learned love multiplies. Before Thing 2 was born, I remember thinking how could I possibly ever love another child as much as Thing 1. I know that may sound weird but it was something that would cross my mind every so often. I’m not the kind of woman who necessarily bonds with my babies while they are still in utero. I wish I was but I’m just not. For me they feel more like aliens than babies until that first look. However, within minutes of holding Thing 2 I was in love and just like Thing 1 that love grew stronger every day until I thought I would burst. I still think that even with an almost teen and teenager.

If You are Interested in a VBAC

Choosing to have a VBAC or a repeat cesarean is a very personal decision. What is right for one woman may be very wrong for another. What is important is understanding the facts for each choice and finding a care provider who is a straight shooter instead of fear monger.  You need a provider who educates truthfully, listens and respects your body and your choices. For me having a VBAC, while hard, was worth all the effort. For women interested in VBACS I suggest the following sites.

Improving Birth
International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN)
VBACfacts
Birth Without Fear

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

Keep up with my kettlebell workouts, real food recipes, and more in one of three ways! 1. Sign up to have posts emailed to your inbox. 2. Subscribe to the RSS Feed or 3. “like” Girl Heroes on Facebook. Simple dimple!

Journey with our family on the road at Newschool Nomads as we travel fulltime in RV through the United States.

The post The Birth of Thing 2 – My Successful Vbac appeared first on Girl Heroes.

Still no baby here. My “due date” isn’t until April 5th so while I’m more than ready for his arrival and really uncomfortable I’m not worried. After all due dates are really just “guesstimates”. Babies come when they are ready not when they are “due”.

As I’m preparing for the birth of Thing 3, I decided I wanted to reminisce and reflect on my previous births. While my first birth was far from a tragedy, it was on some level traumatic and far from ideal. It left physical and mental scars that took time to heal. Perhaps in sharing my story someone else will feel less alone or less crazy or more hopeful or something. If anything it’s nice for me to look back and see how much I have learned and grown since the birth of Thing 1 and, of course, to remember falling in love with Thing 1 all over again.

The Prenatal Days – A Huge Bag of Mixed Emotions

I found out I was pregnant with Thing 1 about a month and a half after a trip to India where I had gotten really sick. I actually went to the doctor and asked for antibiotics because I thought I was still sick with a lingering stomach virus. The doctor advised me to wait over the weekend and if I didn’t feel better he would do some testing. A few days later, I took a pregnancy test and was surprised to find out out I was pregnant. It wasn’t particularly “good timing”. I was getting ready to move to a new town, finishing college, and on top of those things I was struggling with depression and had been recently diagnosed with a personality disorder (Borderline).

Emotional/Relational/Spiritual

It was a long 9 months. We had recently moved to Ventura from Santa Barbara and I had very few friends. Most of my days were spent at home crying. If you have ever faced the true despair that real depression brings you’ll understand what I mean. It’s more than a “bad day”. The days were long, lonely, and empty. During this time, I started going to therapy 2-3 times a week. These were dark days, probably some of the darkest of my life, but even in the midst of the darkness God gave me a few candles to guide my steps as He always does. First and most important was Brent. He was and will always be my best friend and my rock. We clung to each other through that dark tunnel and came out the other side stronger than before. Second, was my therapist and my parents who made therapy possible. I really don’t know if we would have made it through the darkness without them. Thirdly, we started going to a new church and the pastor’s wife took me under her wing. She would pick me up and take me with her while she “toodled around town”, i.e., ran errands. She listening without judgement to my endless lists of fears and worries.

For reasons I won’t go into, I really wanted a boy. The thought of having a girl terrified me more than the thought of giving birth itself. I prayed constantly that I would have a boy. Seeing that my mental state was where it was at the time, we decided it was best to not find out the gender. A few days before I went into labor I went to the mall and bought a pink dress because I figured I’d better start accepting the fact that my baby had a 50/50 chance of being a girl.

Physical

Back in those days I didn’t know much about health and nutrition. Prior to getting pregnant, I had been an unhealthy vegetarian who lived off of cereal, pasta, and canned lima beans. Once my pregnancy cravings kicked in all I wanted was meat and I never looked back.

During those 9 months I took eating for two literally. I remember sitting in class one day and eating a packs of peanut M&Ms, Kit-Kats, and Twizzlers, one right after another, when I noticed a girl staring at me. This is how I ate my entire pregnancy. I ate a full pint of ice cream almost daily. I didn’t get full blown gestational diabetes but did have to take the the long 3 hour test because of the results of my first test. It was no surprise that I put nearly 70 pounds on my 118 pound body.

Before I was pregnant exercise consisted of an occasional run around the track at college. I thought if I could run a mile it meant I was “healthy”. Once I was pregnant forget about running. I didn’t do any exercise until we joined the YMCA late in my pregnancy and I took up swimming a few days a week because it felt good to be weightless even if it meant swimming in a plaid tent.

Educational

Although childbirth is an act of nature, it is so important to educate ourselves especially at this point in time when many (most?) doctors want to turn it into a medical condition. Not to to mention how the media falsely portrays childbirth conditioning most women to think it “has” to be awful and painful. Like most new mothers, I took a class but was so TERRIFIED that I zoned out every time I was there to cope with my fear. I fully embraced that birth was going to be excruciatingly painful. Not only did the thought of giving birth scare me but it disgusted me as well. Of course I read What to Expect When Expecting which is the WORST pregnancy book out there but at the time I didn’t know any better. Unfortunately, my lack of education showed when it came time to birth.

The Birth – Classic Path to a C-Section

I went into labor on my own on April 21, 2000. I can’t remember much except that it hurt. HURT!  Of course, it did because that was what I was fully expecting to happen. If only I had listened and took the time to learn the pain management skills that were taught in my class. What would have been even more important would have been to take the time to work through my fears and preconceptions regarding birth. But I was where I was and that was at a place of fear.

What followed next was a classic path to a c-section. First, I went into the hospital too early at only a few centimeters dialated. Next, I asked for an epidural right away. I’m not 100% against epidurals (I do think it’s healthier for mama and baby to go without but so far I’ve never done that) but asking for one during early labor can slow it down which is exactly what happened. One intervention lead to the next. I was put on my back (not good) and since my labor slowed they gave me pitocin. Pitocin can make contractions unnaturally strong which can affect the baby’s heart rate. The pitocin, laying on my back, continuous fetal monitoring, and fear was a recipe for a c-section. After many hours of a slowed labor and a the baby’s heartrate going up and down, the doctor decided it was best to have a c-section.

I don’t blame my doctor’s decision. He is a great doctor and was wonderful during the c-section. They took me to the OR and upped my epidural. Brent came in and stayed at my head under the sheet looking at me with intense love and reassurance the entire time. I can’t imagine what it would have been like without him.

Before they cut me open, I remember asking my doctor if I was numb. He asked if I could feel him pinching my skin. I couldn’t so he proceeded with the surgery. The surgery didn’t hurt but I could feel pulling and tugging. Thing 1 came out and the doctor said, “It’s a boy.” For a moment, I forgot I was in the middle of surgery and was overcome with joy at having a boy! A BOY!!!!!! Our new little boy had a less than ideal apgar score and there was meconium staining so they took him to the NICU for observation.

I only got a glimpse of him, much less a chance to hold him, while they wheeled him by me in a cart. It would be 18 hours until I got to hold my baby. That was the worst part of the whole ordeal.

The next thing I knew I was given a shot and went out like a light. I woke up later in a recovery room and then later in the room I would stay in for 5 days. The only thing I can remember about the next few hours was being in the most pain I had ever been in in my life and pressing a button that gave me pain medicine. Oh and I was thirsty, so very thirsty, but they would only let me have ice chips.

The following day nurses came in to poke or prod me but I still had not seen my baby. Brent was going back and forth between me and the NICU. Finally, a midwife who owned the birth center where I had taken my childbirth class, was visiting someone in the hospital. She stopped to see me and found out I hadn’t seen my baby. Immediately, she went to the nurses and asked that I be able to see him. It wasn’t long before I was put into a wheelchair and taken to the NICU.

Thing 1 had his own room and was soooo big (Almost 10 pounds!) compared to all the other babies in the NICU. Although there was nothing wrong with him he was still under “observation”. It broke my heart that he had to lay there all alone when his mama was just down the hall. I didn’t know enough nor did I have the confidence at the time to question hospital protocol so I kept being wheeled down there every few hours to see him. Finally after a few days they released him to my room. Then a few days later I was released to go home.

For me, it had been a confusing, emotionally draining, and verging on traumatic five days.

Postpartum – Things Get Worse Before Better

Recovering from a c-section sucks. I don’t think I had ever or have since been so sore. It felt like someone had forced me to do 5 million sit-ups at gun point. But that was nothing compared to the emotional pain I felt at not being able to nurse my baby like I had planned.

Since Thing 1 had been immediately taken away from me, I had not got to nurse him much so my milk was sooo very slow to come in. When it did finally come in there wasn’t much. This isn’t uncommon for c-section moms. If you haven’t nursed a baby it’s hard to describe the desire to nourish them. It’s overwhelming and, for me, it defined the next few weeks of who I was. Since I wasn’t making enough milk I saw myself as a failure and became crazy obsessed with increasing my milk supply. After almost every feeding, I would pump for about an extra hour. This added up to 8-12 hours of pumping a day. It was painful physically but mentally excruciating. In hindsight, I was not well but we didn’t have much of a support system at the time nor did we know better.  Brent and I were fumbling along together. I, desperate to nourish my baby, was feeling like a failure and fighting postpartum depression. He, desperate to provide love and support to me, was taking care of our home on very little sleep.

Those few weeks after birth were long, dark, and lonely but eventually, my milk supply caught up with the demand. Well mostly, I still had to supplement with formula a little bit. I walked in my college graduation with a forced smile. My c-section healed and we eventually found our new normal as a family of three. Day by day, I fell in love with our new son a little more. In the process, my depression and severe emotional struggles faded to what would eventually become a memory.

What I learned – God Heals and Babies and Birth Matter

First, I learned that God heals. Not to get all “religious” on you but this is the only way I can put it. He not only healed my physical wounds but the emotional ones as well. Having our first son was a huge step taken towards wholeness. It may not have been what I had planned for my life but it turned out to be what God knew I needed. Fourteen years later, I can’t even begin to imagine my life without Thing 1. He is an amazing child and one of the best “surprises” I have ever been given.

Secondly, I learned the importance of educating myself about childbirth and facing my fears surrounding it. For many women, including myself, it’s not enough to read What to Expect When Expecting or go to any birth class. There were fears that needed addressing and I should have taken the time to learn about the possible consquences of interventions. I’ll never know what the birth could have been like had I not chosen my first intervention, the epidural. Perhaps I could have had a natural birth and breastfeeding would have gone more smoothly and not become the mental nightmare it was those first few weeks. Or not. I’ll never know.

People often say to mothers who have had a less than ideal birth, “At least you have a healthy baby”, as if that’s all that matters. While I understand the sentiment, it’s not the full picture. A healthy baby is not all that matters. Healthy babies are important but so are healthy mamas and positive birth experiences. 

I was determined that when the time came my second birth would not be a repeat of my first birth. In the meantime, I fell deeply in love my surprise baby, Thing 1.

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

Keep up with my kettlebell workouts, real food recipes, and more in one of three ways! 1. Sign up to have posts emailed to your inbox. 2. Subscribe to the RSS Feed or 3. “like” Girl Heroes on Facebook. Simple dimple!

Journey with our family on the road at Newschool Nomads as we travel fulltime in RV through the United States.

The post The Less Than Perfect Birth of My Perfect Baby, Thing 1 (and what I learned from my “emergency c-section”) appeared first on Girl Heroes.