Redneck Enuff

Pinatas Oh My

2011-06-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

Search Amazon.com for candy
Okay, so I know I did it again...took too long to post...oh well it's not like anyone reads this shit anyway.
Anyway my racoon Cricket never came home and I still miss her I'm thinking of her happy in the wild with a whole ton of babies...it helps:(
Got a new baby racoon to help me get over Cricket. Her name is Remy and she's pretty cute and I love her but she's just not my Cricket.
So the biggest news I have to inform you of is the fact that I Quit My Job...OMG
I know I'm a retard. I'm making and TRYING to sell my homemade pinatas I have a shop on Etsy, if ur at all interested, here's the link.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/sisipinatas?ref=si_shop

I named my new business Sisi Pinatas for my dearly departed aunt Sissy and because my sisters were Suposed to help with this business. They are and have not tho.
Anyway the fourth of July is comin up and we are havin a big party so I'll take pics of what ever fights and drunken shinanagins for ya.

My Life Since June

2011-02-22T11:12:00.000-08:00

I know, I know…. Again, too long since my last post.

Get used to it. It’s not like anyone really reads this shit anyway.

So, lot’s has happened since my last post.

Here’s a quick rundown:

Had fun all summer at the lake house….trailor.

Got us a pontoon, she’s a beauty.

PAID OFF MY HOUSE!!! Whoot whoot

Raised a baby raccoon, Cricket, who has me worried right now cuz she left and has been gone for a month :(

My Dad died, sad…. sad :(

School is going good, learning lots of stuff, flunking English though.

Hubby likes his new job and I still hate mine.

Okay, now ur up to speed :)

Onward….. Spring is coming, very excited. Hoping my coon will come home I miss her like crazy.

My mama got a new trailor and will be delivered in three weeks, so happy for her, she deserves it.

Getting the old trailor out is proving to be stressful because of the time crunch but I’m sure something funny will happen to video tape for you before it’s all over.

I am finally going to start my pinata bizness, let me refer you to my other blog to see my fluffy fabulous creations. Hope you like um enuff to buy um… lol

And I guess that concludes our recap of my life since June..

Pretty boring I know :(

Where To Find The Beef

2010-06-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

******Where's The Beef******

That's the question on the minds of me and my coworkers this day. Apparently, a whole roast beef has come up missing. The boss lady is mad as hell and someone is going to pay... Anyway, this new drama has brought to mind... Where is the beef? Mine, is right down the road. But, what about people who are not surrounded by cattle farmers?

Kroger's, would be my guess, but what about people who can't get to a grocery store? Can you buy beef online? So, I did some research and yes, you can.. that's pretty cool, I guess.. But what quality of beef are you getting?

I found a site that sales grass fed beef and apparently, grass fed beef is the best kind of beef... so now, I wonder what other kind of beef there is?...really, what do cows eat if not grass?? lol

Looking into this further, I found that some farmers feed their cows corn and grain (not their natural food source.)
There is a big controversy between grass fed beef and grain fed beef...here are two sites that explain it better

One........Two ....yuk... Makes me feel lucky cuz, I can see my beef eating grass..

Sure would make a funny video to have someone ask their butcher " Excuse me but, what did this cut of beef eat...lol

Their is an easy way to tell though..

If the fat is transparently white (like the one on the left) it's grain fed and if the fat has a yellow tinge to it (like the one on the right) its grass fed.... the yellow tinge is the beta carotene.
****Yummy****

Rednecks and Water

2010-06-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, let us first establish that, Yes, I am still alive.

I have not forgotten my blog, I have just been exceedingly busy....

insert big word here

School went pretty good for this first semester, I even got some A's woohoo. I have decided to take the summer off, to get my house clean again, play in the dirt and camp and fish as much as I can. To accomplish that,we got us a little place on the lake, it's a trailer, that we're gonna purdy up real nice,hubs is calling it
our lake house..(pause)...trailer. lol

We finally got everything finalized, and met the new neighbors, they seem nice and seem to like us so far, that will probably only last about five minutes...after...... they meet my uncle. (this may also work for my daughters boyfriend :)

We spent our first weekend there over Memorial day and had a blast. My mama loves it there and we have named our retreat 'The Doll House' (that's my Mama's name) soooo cute hu. Anyway, we even got my dad to go and he had a good time too, that was nice to see.

We rented two pontoons and the best thing I can say about them is that they ran (for awhile)

We raced and lost...... Got beat by the kids ...fare and square.. damn it...

Everyone loved cruising on the pontoons, and we want one of our own (as soon as I can pull the money out of my ass)

I don't however, want one like the ones we rented, they were soo fun and we had a great time, till one of them broke down.
Luckily though, we had a mechanic on board and he fixed it right there on the water. Then, we headed to shore, and that's when the other one ran outa gas! Can you believe it. Well, my daughter and hubs were stranded for an hour, so when I got back to the rental place I proceeded to 'politely' tell the dude "to go git them now!.... or receive my foot up his ass!", I also mentioned that, my sister fell through the bench cuz, it was rotted out and that I cut my leg all up on a piece of plywood. He didn't have a whole lot to say, as he ran and got his brother, who was better at dealing with a really pissed off woman. Not only did he rescue my baby, he gave me back all of our money. WOO HOO. So, we ended up cruising the water for about seven hours for... FREE....I believe I've mentioned before how great I think 'Free' is...

I will now load you up with pics of our weekend....

even had time for cat naps....

Hey... Rednecks and water DO mix

One Mans Trash

2010-06-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

Finally got the ol' man a chair... the best chair you could ask for and my favorite kind...FREE...yep, it was jus sitting along the road with a bunch of other trash begging me to take it home so, I made my sister stop and git it. Luckily, she drove the truck and only bitched ~~constantly~~ somewhat over the embarrassment of diggin' through the trash, not to mention the 'FREE' sign on the chair, that she very quickly (a few miles) made us stop and remove. I listened to all the "oh my gods" and "I can't believes and I'm never taking you with me again" with a big ol' smile on my face cuz, I got me a new chair for the hubs:) We headed home with junk in our trunk and I didn't even stop smiling when the damn thing flew out while driving down the highway, my sister came to a screeching halt, and her embarrassment mounted. I laughed my ass off, while we put our road kill back into the truck, to the audience of hundreds of onlookers zooming by.
Got my big bad boy home to my big bad boy who was very grateful, he went to the hardware and got a bolt and fixed it up for .69 cents ..... I sooo rock. He laughed at my sister too but, with an I'm glad it was you and not me giddiness. He wouldn't have even stopped.
The problem I'm having now is he won't get his ass out of it.... maybe she shouldn't have stopped:(
Oh well now my living room is pretty much done.

I'm all smart nstuff

2010-03-31T10:43:00.000-07:00

What's new you ask? Well I'm a collage girl now, started in february and I just love it. I'm going to the Academy of art university, doing it online so I can go to class ~~naked~~ in my pj's.
Since then I realized that there are a lot of people out there way dumber then me, this makes me soo happy. It's like when your having a bad day and you just feel so fat and yucky but then this nasty woman (with tight pink pants on that make her ass look like the junk in her trunk caught fire and melted down to her knees along with the rest of her, that you get to also see due to the tight orange belly shirt) cuts you in line at walmart, and as you stare at her with disgust knowing you'd never be caught in public looking like that, you smile and don't feel so fat anymore... okay sorry that took a hole lot longer to explain then I intended. Shoulda jis said no matter how bad you think you got it someone always has it worse. Anyway I really like collage...
I have more good news or rather GREAT news. After thirteen years, we have paid off our house!!!! It is all ours now and it feels wonderful. I'd like to get a big sign that says HOMEOWNER and pin it on me, but that might be too much, so I'll settle for telling everyone I come in contact with and spreading it all over the internet:)
I leave ya now, cuz I'm tired of writin, but someone left a comment and wanted me to take a survey as to why I blog, so I jis thought I'd tell ya...
I blog cuz ain't no one here to listen to my shit. (see how much my grammar has inproved since I started collage:) Yep, I'm all smart nstuff now.

Pussy In Da Pooper

2010-01-11T10:50:00.000-08:00

The new year started out with a bang. Yep, "bang" went the water pump when it took a shit on new years eve. We were outta water for six days, had to take showers at my Moms and get drinking water from the neighbors. Also had to get buckets of water to flush the toilet, if you think that sounds gross, try being the one doing it~ reminded me of my childhood. lol~ Not joking
Anyway, had to have the pump rebuilt and got a new tank because a leak was created not from the hubs screaming, cussing and beating the hell out of the old one, no the leak, as the hubs says "just appeared" In the meantime our eight year old, trying to be helpful, nailed a sign to the bathroom door that said
"don't flush the toilet and try not to poop"

Shoulda had one of those signs awhile back when we had to get the septic tank pumped.One of my favorite redneck stories called
"I think my shitter needs pumped" still makes me laugh.
Anyway, we finally got the pump fixed but then the toilet took a crap, lol, and we had to replace the insides of it too.
So, me and the girls went in the other bathroom to clean it out since it has become kind of a storage room since we ran outta money to fix it up. Well, what we found was a wild "kitty" living in there~ Oh yeah. It's been getting in from a hole in the floor, that's there cus we were working on the floor when we ran outta money. Anyway, there must be an opening to the crawl space that we can't seem to find. The girls are very excited and have been feeding it and trying to catch it, so I'm kinda stuck with pussy ~~cat~~ in the pooper. lol
pussy-in-da-poop-er da-da-da-da-da-da
ha-ha-he-he I made a did-dee
okay I quit

"Bullshit"

2010-01-07T11:32:00.000-08:00

What to do on a cold winter night? Now get yer minds outta the gutter, there are children here. So, let me rephrase that.
What to do on a cold winter night with kids.
We have been having so much fun with this game called "bullshit" I know it doesn't sound like an appropriate game to play with the youngins, but to ease yer mind, we make them say "bs" instead of bullshit. You just gotta play this game.
First, you get as many players as you want, in my case we have five, then you deal the entire deck of cards (minis the jokers). The object is to get rid of all your cards, but you have to do it in order. So, say I'm first, I have to look in my hand and find all the aces, if I have two of them I lay them down and say "two aces". The next person has to find and lay down two's then the next person lays down three's and so on. You lay down however many of what you need and say how many of what you laid down.
Now, the tricker or the fun part is, if you don't actually have any queens and it's your turn and yer stuck with laying down queens, you can lie and lay down a two, a five and a king or whatever you want, but, lie and say three queens. The next person has the option to believe you or not, and if not then, they say "bullshit" you then have to show them the cards you layed down and if they were right, then you have to pick up all the cards, if you actually put down what you were supposed to and they call "bullshit" then they have to pick up all the cards.
It's fun~ exspecially when yer playin' with a fifteen year old who has no problems at all lying and a twelve year old who talks quieter and puts her head down, so you know ever time she tries to lie. Not to mention my eight year old who giggles and laughs every time she tries to bullshit anyone, and when no calls "bullshit" on her, she has to sit on her hands just to keep from jumping out of her seat with ha ha he he I lied excitement. Very funny
Ya, I know, I have no life.

Happy Holidays

2009-12-18T13:04:00.000-08:00

Wow, I've been a long time gone~ that's a song btw~
So much has happened don't know where to start.
Thanksgiving was great and I had the opportunity to reaffirm the fact that I'm a pig.
Christmas time is stressful, kids want everything and I don't have a pot to piss in.
Two of my girls want Nintendo DSI's. They have a camera and they hold music and play games. I told all the girls this year will be tight so they could either have one expensive gift or lots of little shit. My middle girl said "Mom, you just get me lots of stuff and I'll ask Santa for the DSI"... she's 12 ~ come on
I haven't got them yet but I will if I can manage to pull the money out my ass.
The oldest wants a pair of UGGs for Christmas. They are boots, very special boots according to her and she just has to have them, because everyone else does. "Okay" I say, till I bout shit when I seen the prices.Who woulda thought that a simple pair of boots could cost $200.00, and what kinda ~~dumb-asses~~ people actually pay it. What are they lined with gold? The only difference I can see from the $15 pair at dollar general is the fact that they say Ugg on the back of them. So after I failed at finding little tags that say UGG, I scoured the Internet and found, not one but two pairs for $65 bucks a piece, brand new, who's the thrifty shopper huh? Still an outrageous sum for a name but, now I can give my twelve year old a pair too, before she starts bitching for um. One step ahead like always that's me. Here's a "LINK" to the page if anyone is interested.
My oldest is finally out of drama class... but only at school, she saves the real drama for Mama. She has been suffering from a long line of diseases, the first of which, fortunately only befalls teen girls, it's called " Bitchitis" and YES, it's contagious~ My 12 yr. old has been showing signs of it too. Hopefully a cure is in the making. I deal with this affliction by holding my breath and counting to 10, sometimes 50.
Another thing on the menu for teens is~ Acne!~ yuk~ we have been trying to cure it with aloe, (the plant) we cut off pieces of the plant and rub it on her face, it's actually working well so far. It's slimy as hell though, and my daughter complains every night~ funny shit. I eventually found aloe gel not as messy and not as funny but she likes it better. And here's that "LINK" (getting good at that huh)
The worst of all the teen epidemics is "BOYS"~ double yuk~ I've changed my mind about fifteen being old enough for a boyfriend. The final straw in changing my mind was the poor tree that, my hysterical, cussing daughter beat to death with a baseball bat. I got there just in time to save the bat. She's sure come along way from that bright eyed sweety who wouldn't hurt a fly, now she wants to kill everything in sight..... All I've seen this year are tears and tantrums. My words of wisdom in these times are ~~buck up, shut up and get over it~~ "aah it'll be okay baby." When does this shit end I ask you? And, no, I don't have a "LINK" for that :(

Happy Holidays

Kitchen Drama

2009-10-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, wow I have been busy. We have finally began the kitchen remodel. Woo ho!!!
It's about done and it only took about a year. We began the demo 6 or seven months ago, tearing out walls (with only minor injuries and lots of laughs). Then we got the sagging floor fixed, which meant tearing out the linoleum and beefing up the floor joises then laying down my new plywood flooring. What a statement right? No rednecks live here!
Then we built us sum new walls. My brother had a friend, with a bad ass fast screw gun, he helped us put new drywall on the ceilings for free. Free is always nice. What wasn't nice is when he got a little screw happy with his cool screw machine and ended up making three big holes in the ceiling not to mention the 500 screws up there that didn't need to be there, that amounted to about 50 extra screws for each beer he guzzled, not bad I guess.... considering..... did I mention he was free. Then after awhile (months) we found a guy willing to do the mudding and taping for only $200.00. That's pretty cheap, the price included the walls and ceiling in the kitchen and the ceiling in the living room and the hall way, plus we only had to pay him $100.00 up front cus he had to go to jail and made us a deal to finish paying him with $20 a week in commissary money.... cool hu and not redneck at all :) He had to go to jail due to being caught with recreational paraphernalia which went a long way in explaining why he took so many recreational trips in our woods.... I just called um 'Breaks'
He even textured the ceiling, which I liked just fine, but there were several lines showing. It was not his fault, he did the best he could with what he had to work with and the short amount of time he had to do it all in before he had to go to jail.
There were a few areas in the kitchen he didn't have time to get to. I was just gonna do them myself, since,I'm pretty handy with a knife. But, I was at work and talkin' to a friend who happens to have a boyfriend who is very handy with a knife and he volunteered to come over and finish it (FOR FREE) wooho. I told him about the few lines that show on the ceiling and he very nicely included fixing that into the price.... wo ho... He came over and fixed everything in three days, he was like magic... like free magic....my walls are so smooth.

The ceilings had to be re-textured after he fixed it and it is now just gorgeous, the texture is like giant flowers.

We primed everything the next day. The paint colors have been chosen for months, green for the kitchen and brown for the living room (my favorite colors). So there I was, giddy with ready to paint excitement. We went to Wal-mart to buy the paint and ended up getting the only paint guy who didn't know fart about paint. He told me to use flat for the kitchen.. dumbass....then he proceeded to f*ck up both colors. I was pissed and seeing red. My oldest though, was seeing something else and whispered that she wished his jeans were tighter...UGH.. leave it to a boy crazy teenager to see the jeans he's wearing and miss the obvious stupid genes he possessed. After about four tries and lots of cussing, we storm out Wal-mart and go home, with my finally right paint.
The feelings I was trying to convey with my paint choices were warm and cozy for the living room, wanna grab a blanket, lay on the couch and cuddle. Bright and cheery for the kitchen, when you walk into the kitchen I wanted to feel a hello day.. good morning, morning kinda feeling. The colors had to blend well together cus the rooms are connected. Well, what I ended up with was a screaming green kitchen that kinda hurt your eyes and a dark gloomy brown that was depressing.
I wanted to cry :(..... We took pictures and the hubs took me to Sermin Williams.... OMG they are great, we went one shade lighter for the kitchen and the paint guy actually knew his ass from a hole in the ground. He also told me how to fix the brown for the living room, he even sold me the paint at the same price I paid for it at Wal-mart.....and.... his jeans were plenty tight :)
We came home and repainted the kitchen and it's beautiful with all the bright and cheery feelings and none of the eye pain.I did keep a little of the first scream green as a couple of stripes to better define the awesome foe wainscoted coat rack I designed, using one by fours and one by twos and some quarter round.---->>>>>>

For the living room I took a gallon of the gloomy brown, poured it into a five gallon bucket and started mixing in white until I had a color I loved. It is now so damn cozy we can't stay off the couch. The colors look great together and I'm very happy with the results.

We hung the new T.V. that's been in the box for five months, the hubs is in hog heaven.

My moms boss gave her a bunch of furniture that he didn't need and we traded her our old t.v. and entertainment center for a very nice sectional. It looks great in the living room, and obviously seats enuff:)

All we need now is a big fat lazy boy chair for my big man to watch his new 50 inch flat screen plasma t.v. on.
I have been having fun redecorating everything and surprisingly I have lots of cool shit that all just kinda goes with everything. We have chosen the flooring we're going to go with, laminate floating hardwood, we have already started saving for it. We should be able to start it about the middle of next month. We're gonna rip out the stinky carpeting sometime this week to get ready for the new floor. We need to figure something out for a backsplash in the kitchen, maybe ceramic tiles mixed with some glass tiles, maybe some foe stainless steel or maybe I'll bust up some pretty plates and make them the back splash, I don't know yet. Everything is coming together finally and it feels great to see progress.
Well, I'll keep you updated, and take lots of pictures.

Anyone have ideas for a cute backsplash let me know.

Redneck Vacation

2009-09-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile again, apparently it's gonna be a thing with me, so ya might as well get used to it. We had a nice time on vacation. I have to say we were met with disappointments from the start though. The resort we stayed at turned out to be NOT a resort but a cabin on main street along with a couple of other cabins right next door.
The cabin itself was cute and comfy and the view of the lake was gorgeous. Of course the first thing the girls wanted to do was swim but the owner said that we could swim in the lake but we had to wash of as soon as we got out or we'd get swimmers itch. Then he went on to explain what that is- he said "Well.. it's all these damn ducks see,and the seagulls, they shit in the lake then the f*ckin' clams do too, so when you swim in that shit it makes ya itch." We thanked him for the information and the girls laughed and liked him instantly.
The owner made things out of junk he welds stuff together to make his stuff.
He made this spider to scare away the ducks and sea gulls, he put it in our yard and asked the girls not to feed the ducks or the sea gulls so we amused ourselves watching the ducks and seagulls investigate this new thing and we laughed when they decided to make it their new perch. Poor guy it really was funny, even funnier when the girls showed him the picture we took of the seagull sitting on his SCARY spider. He said "Well.....that.... ASSHOLE" to which the girls laughed their butts off.
The DVD player was shit and there was no hot water anywhere except for the downstairs tub, the two bedrooms that was advertised turned out to be one big room with a wall (with no door) in between. So, there went all the kinky sex I had planned:(
There were no batteries in the remote control, the owner said "Well, them last sumbitches musta stole um" and when we told him that the DVD player was shit he came over and worked on it for about an hour and determined that, "Yep, it's shit". He was very nice about it and after he pretty much blamed us for braking it, he gave us his play station to use and it only stopped working in the middle of the movies about five times. I ended up having to get pissy and told the dude that this thing was shit too and I wanted DVD player that worked NOW! To which he jumped and got me one ~ why couldn't he have just done that to freakin' begin with?
The pier was made out of sawhorses, it was sturdy though,the girls got some bread, sat on it, and took turns being attacked by seagulls.....dumb ass youngins.....funny shit.
We tried to make the most of it and we ended up having a good time. Our oldest loved the paddle boat and once the owner taught her how to fix the chain (that fell off about every hour) she had fun with it and only had to swim back to shore three times. He also loaned us an electric scooter that the two youngest loved. They have both asked for one for Christmas. We went to a bear reserve and a wild life reserve, it was cool we got our pictures taken with a baby bear.

We went to a little zoo and the girls got to hold a baby bobcat. We also went to an Elk farm, and a waterfall.

We walked up to watch a local gospel group at the community center, the lawn was filled with lawn chairs and everyone brought there dogs and of coarse their beer, the people even got up and danced a couple of drunken gigs to "you are my sunshine" and "I walk with Jesus".
We had a good time and felt right at home.

We got lots of good pictures of everything. I think that over all, I got enough pictures to keep me painting for awhile.

Catch Up

2009-07-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile, sorry for that, I'll catch ya up. We had a bake sale for my dad, in case ya'll missed it he doesn't have a leg to stand onand the taking off of legs is very expensive and the bills are kicking my mama's ass. I baked till I dropped which ended up being around two the night before, then got up (AT 5 A.M.) and set up the sale. We did not sale as much as I would have liked and it was hot so a lot of my yum yums melted and I still had a half of a fridge full. I got rid of our two kitty's at the bake sale though, so at least something got accomplished. The draw back to that was that my kid (the animal lovin one) squalled like a two year old all day.I went to work where I sold some of my left over baked goods.I stuck to a time proven strategy to do this- get um drunk and temp them with sweets.
Work sucked more then normal that night,had four fights and some dumbass brought his dogs but,didn't leave um in his vehicle, he just let um run free around the building, so every time someone came in or went out,so did the dogs. I kicked him and his dogs out after the third time. I can't have dogs in the bar, they end up shitting in the restaurant, and my boss really doesn't like that, I know. The night went from bad to worse when I had to kick out a friend, for knocking over drinks,and getting on top of the bar, which was extremely nerve wrecking because he is very big and our bar is very old and week. He got mad and tried to run his truck into the bar, nice hu?
There were a few more heated conversations, and a guy pissing all over the men's room floor, topped off my night, But, I forgot to even mention the girl who came in, wearing a dress cut down to there, with nothing on under it, and ofcourse she was bending over a lot. I and everyone there have probably seen her titties more then her husband of two months, whom she claimed loudly that she hates. When asked why she married him, she says cus she was drunk and he asked. Now, she can't divorce him because neither one of them have a job to pay for it. So, she's decided to stick it out for four more months in hopes of gaining his house. lovely hu?
Fathers day turned out to be not very good for my husband. It started with me getting up prepared to cook my wonderful man a fathers day breakfast feast, but was greeted with my baby coon (which I got the week before) dying.While, I was at work, the night before, selling my butt off (that didn't sound good) my daughter gave Bandit a couple of baths because he was sticky after he had some yogurt. This proved to be a little too much for him and he dyed. My daughters and I were devastated and my husband spent the day trying to cheer us, then, I went to work a very sad lil redneck.
The next morning I was determined to make all this up to my husband but was instead greeted with my dog 'Rexy'who we have had for seven years, dying, I called my husband home from school, to take him to the vet but, he died even before we could get him into the car.
Very sad the next day, but still had to work. On the way home from work, I thought I saw a baby coon in the road so pulled over and investigated, it was not a baby coon, but instead was one of the kittens I just gotten rid of. What luck. She ran right up into my arms, I took her home and after she ate two bowls of food, I decided not to break my youngins heart again ------- And so, we named her 'Magna' ....I am back in good mommy standing with this youngin now, she even said "You da man, Mom"... To which, I swelled with feel good Mommy pride, while thinking 'Yep, I da man fer sure'
I am not however, in good mommy standing with my boy crazy 14 year old. We got her a job, the theory was to keep her so busy she wouldn't have time to focus on boys. Well, it didn't work, she likes the job cus, there are so many cute boys there and everyday we get to hear all the...... "and he said" ......"and I said"...... "and his eyes are the color of" ...and yada yada yada. Good plan, way to back fire, it's a shame they don't still make chastity belts. Maybe I'll buy her some baggy cloths when we go school shopping, strike that cus, I got her a job and now she has her own money. Boy, you kin tell I really thought this through hu?
The hubs and I celebrated our sixteenth anniversary, I don't know how he does it.
The fourth of July was a dud, but got to see an old friend, my long lost NB which was nice and my awesome cousin came for a visit and we had a great time.Of course, there were lots of drunken shenanigans and some dancing on the bar, and I may or may not have sang some karaoke, it is debatable because the play back sure didn't sound like singing, it was more like a sick pig howling. Not showing the video or posting the pictures, you understand I'm sure.
Our vacation is coming up so I have been working alot to get some extra money and trying to get everything around, like getting the house clean since it refuses to clean itself. We're going to Michigan for a week, very excited. I will post when I get home and I'll be sure to take lots of pics.Till then

Poor Poor Lilredneck

2009-06-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

We took the youngins for a walk today, we have decided to walk as often as we can, cus, the hubby is fat (his words not mine). He is on a diet, he has given up pop and bread and is having a helluva time with it, he says it's harder then quitting smoking. He has already lost sum weight, though we don't know exactly how much, because he got mad at the scale a few months ago and junked it.
Anyway, the reactions of us taking a walk were comical, the whole neighborhood thought we ran out of gas and people were asking if we needed a ride to the station. Then they started taking pictures of us....This is what happens when you live in a small town...I guess jogging is out of the question.
On the way home we ended up with a tag along. We walked past a 'FREE PUPPY' sign. Me and the ol' man pretended we didn't see it, until the pups came a runnin' and the girls started oohing and aahing... S....H....I....T.
Then one of the pups decided he liked us and followed us all the way home. All of my husbands cussing, yelling and trying to chase this pup away didn't even phase it. He followed us home, then ran in the house like he owned it and settled down on Teffas' bed, like it was his. Very cute, but..... NO !!!

We stayed strong though, even through all the begging and pleading and the big blue teary eyes.We took the pup back! Yep, we ~~suck~~ rule.

After our celebrity walk and the doggy drama, we got ready to spend the rest of the day at the beach. We're all dressed and ready, the picnic was packed and I had my book in hand, then I remembered that I had to work :(
Not my normal night to work but, I took the night before off, to go to a euchre tournament... I lost btw, but the hubs took second place.
Long faces and some ~~cussing~~ tears too, I went off to work. I tried not to show my disappointment (smiles get more tips then frowns) So, all night I felt like shit for letting my family down, then I started thinking about this blog and getting upset over it too.
For awhile now I've been writing in this damn blog, trying to make it pretty and all. I made this adorable cute header and I've been making sure I take pictures of all the shit I plan on blogging about. I tweet every time I write, trying to get some followers and maybe some comments. So far, I only have two followers, and one of them is ME ......Don't know how I did that.....shut up...
WTF, people I'm funny... read me and you'd see. I figured I'm going to have to get serious and take sum drastic measures.. yer making me do it.
I came up with a PLAN... he he he witches cackle. I've decided to give you all an ultimatum ~ Follow me, or I will sent you very evil thoughts from my ~~only slightly dysfunctional~~ massive brain' !!!! I'm serious now, so beware, many have doubted and many have felt my power (usually, when they're taking their morning shit and it hurts their assholes) ha ha fuckers that's me....... so no more doubts or next I'll maka you buttholes bleed. he he he witches cackle
Beware... My redneck ~~bullshit~~ power is extreme...
So unless you want to walk around all day with a pain that only time can cure...... FOLLOW.....
And don't forget to go visit My Awesome Website and ~~buy stuff~~ play around.
Let me know what you think!

Duck.. Duck... Loose

2009-06-13T15:49:00.000-07:00

We have found a home for our duck 'Salt'. We took her to a duck paradise where she can run and play with all the other ducks, Salt is the white one.

There is a duck pond she can swim in.

There are lot's of other animals here, and I thought I lived in a zoo.
The parrot took the cake though, his name is 'Victor' and he flies as free as a bird should. He talks and says his name, he is beautiful and I think he knows it...

He seemed to like my oldest and went right to her...
Then he came to me
...S...H....I....T...

Pay no attention to that chin under my chin, that's a whole nother post.

It took awhile for me to stop thinking he was going to bite my neck off.

We soon got along fine, until he decided he liked my boobs,

.....and I decided...

........SO DO I........

So for the sake of my boobs, I gave him back to his owner.

We had a nice visit. When we got home the girls rode 'Ghost' for all of five minutes and it broke down. We are all just devastated by this :)

Our New Ghost

2009-06-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

For years my husband has been ~~whining~~ yearning for a four wheeler and this year, with our taxes, we were able to get him one.

Here it is in all it's glory.

He named it 'The Hulk'

My family has been having loads of fun on this big mean green machine every since. It has paid for itself already, this thing gets rode more then I do.

My husband made a trail for us to ride 'The Hulk' on and now has taught our oldest girl 'the dare devil' to ride it too (with supervision) which of course scares the bejesus outta me. Now he has been talking about getting a smaller one for my eleven and eight year old. There goes my ~~nerves~~ summer:(

My girls should have been boys, they climb trees, play with snakes and all sorts of critters, that we usually get stuck with. My oldest daughter bungee jumped last year on vacation (my heart was in my throat) and she wanted to do it again, then our other two got pissy cus they were to young to do it (I think they're trying to kill me)

Since having 'The Hulk', I have become a ball of nerves every time my husband has them on it and every time they bring up getting another one. All my ~~bitching~~ pleading falls on ~~dumb~~ deaf ears, he says they have to experience new things, and he doesn't want them to be afraid of shit. Well hell...

Today, he got them one... it was free... one of his buddies gave it to him and another buddy fixed it for him. Of course the girls are ecstatic about it and have already named it.

Let me introduce 'Ghost'

The girls have spent today ~~giving me a coronary~~ having fun on it. They do look cute on it.

My mommy brain though, sees all sorts of morbid visions and accidents that make me a nervous wreck.

I truly don't wanna hold them back but, they don't seem to care that my heart skips a beat or two every time they zoom by yelling "Look at me mom" or "Watch this mom"....URRR.... and to make it worse they laugh while I scream "SLOW DOWN!!!" as I frantically search for a way to destroy this new machine before it hurts my babies.

Okay, end of post!

I'm off to Wal-mart to buy helmets, knee and elbow pads and some of that shit that kills all things green within a mile, I think it's called Hulk-Be-Gone. I'll be on my cell with 'Ghost Busters' on the way.

Amazing DOG

2009-06-11T12:09:00.000-07:00

If you've been reading you'll remember me tellin' you about the kitty's my girls found in the garage and how they are ~~gonna go~~ so at home they are with us now. Well let me elaborate.
My pregnant dog Teffa had come up missing and since she had never run away before, we feared for her life, then miraculously she appeared with one puppy.She has always had like five or six pups, so I'm left to assume that she had them in the woods and something got the rest of her pups and she was only able to save this one. Poor baby, when she came home with it, she actually looked like she was crying. She was very traumatized by this. That's when, miracle upon ~~headache~~ miracle the girls found these three kittens. The mama kitty stole one back so we have been ~~stuck~~ blessed with these two ~~damn~~ adorable kittens.
After about a week of cuddling with Teffa and her fat puppy 'Rudy', they began nursing off of her. It's true!! I couldn't believe it either. Teffa doesn't seem to mind, and I think it has helped her deal with the loss of her other puppies.

I video taped it for you.

Sooooo cute hu? It really is a win win.... the kittens get nursed and Teffa gets helped too, and 'Rudy' has something to chew on besides our feet.
I just hope the kitties don't start barking or the pup start meowing, what a post that would make hu?
Now it seems I'll have to wait until they are all weaned to give um the boot.
Speaking of boots...
Here's 'Rudy' stuck in my husbands boot, so cuteand here he is giving the boots a piece of his mind

Girls Day Out

2009-06-08T00:11:00.000-07:00

What a great day it's been. My mom,my sister and I spent the whole day together, and we had a blast.
The day started out with my sister coming over to ~~annoyingly rush me~~ get me, my mom called to ~~yell at me to hurry~~ say good morning. After getting my ass around we were off, first to mom's, then on the way to town. First, we went tanning, we all agreed that it was a waste of 20 bucks cus no one saw a difference in our color. Then, we went to the salon to get beautiful.

Here we are before our beautification

The transformation begins

Malibu mommy and me with bangs ewe...

...ready to process my hair...

Mama was not as excited by this as I was

and may I present the about five dollars

worth of aluminum foil.

My sister went gaga over her first ~~hand job~~ manicure, it was a little yucky the way she purred.

Mama getting a ~~head job~~ rinse...... don't wake up on our account....

Mother, so happy ~~we woke her~~ to be here with us

her ~~profanities~~ thanks were abundant

the goo and gob kept coming

and I think they killed my last brain cell....

But in the end it was all worth it... vala instant beatification

Time for grub... My sister was not allowed to even open the car door, because her nails needed time to dry.... she milked that for all it was worth... we drew the line at cutting her steak, a good thing too or she would've been asking us to wipe her ass.

Belly's full and picture perfect if I do say so myself....

We were off again to get dad,

who was ecstatic to see how pretty we turned out..well maybe not

He sure brightened up when his brother,

who he hasn't seen in 35 years came to visit him....

winning 200 dollars didn't hurt either...

but I'm sure it was the brother thing
see how much they missed each other....lol

What a day:)

Redneck CPR

2009-06-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

Went to visit mama tonight. Upon arriving the girls run to the pond to check on the turtle they stuck in there last night, only to find it floating upside down dead.
The scene of the homicide
-------------------->>>>>

They weren't as devistated as I figured they'd be they didn't even cry when we told um that land turtles aren't meant for ponds. No, instead of being crushed by this news the morbid little things put it on the table and decide to poke and prod it.

Which of course makes everyone else curious as to the bodily functions of a dead turtle. We took some pictures and my sister in a very rare 'silly' moment starts giving a ulogy for the turtle. lol... Then she proceeds to try cpr on it, and got some of those bodily 'functions' on her.I took some picture then figured out how to take video on my mom's camera lol.

~~~~~~~one~~~~~~~~~~~~~~two~~~~~~~~~~~~~ewww~~~~~

Here are two more videos of my gross sister.....

.........Dead turtle poop and Boogers from a dead turtle

Mean Ol' Artichoke

2009-06-04T16:42:00.000-07:00

Ever sense I got this half of beef I have been experimenting with new things. Tonight it was sirloin steaks on the grill with onions and (first time) portabella mushrooms, also trying artichokes for the first time.
I did not let the fact that I have never tasted or cooked an artichoke deter me from trying.
I figured I'd steam it, shouldn't be too hard. Well, after the damn thing bit me a few times I decided to ~~make my oldest youngin~~ cut the poky parts off....>>>

After realizing ~~I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground~~ I didn't know the first thing bout fixin up one these vicious things, I got smart and googled it. I found this girl and followed her instructions.She also teaches ya how yer supposed to eat this thing.

I stuck it in the steamer for half an hour and vala ~ rednecks are adding more then corn on the cob to the menu, I was feelin pretty good. :)

We all tasted it, following the instructions on how to do that, and...... the youngins ~~guinea pigs~~ seem to like it.

So, I go ahead and try it :( I finally threw in some brussel sprouts that we all like except for the hubby. dinner is served!
<<<<------

After dinner, I still have some mean artichoke left, so I took it to Mamas and let everyone try it.

This is what my sister thought of it.My oldest ate it all the way down to it's hairy heart then, proceeded to eat that too.

This dinner has taught us all a few things, in the future we will avoid violent veggies and we all prefer ribeye to sirloin, either that or ~~I can't cook worth a shit~~ the grill broke and over cooked the sirloin. Damn grill, bout time for a new one anyway.
The puppy and kittens really loved the sirloin (bone) though.

It's So Dumb

2009-05-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

The kitty crisis of yesterday has been somewhat settled I have at least two of my daughters are feeling sorry for the lonely mommy cat and willing to give back her babies. My 11 year old (the unrelenting animal lover) is being very stubborn about it though. If she had her way we would take in every stray we found and she usually cries trying. I am the adult though and so that means I ~~should~~ will win eventually.
As for today it's been good so far. My husband and I went to our oldest daughters awards ceremony this morning, she received three academic awards, we have been ~~bragging~~ proud all day. We came home and watched a movie ~Australia~ great movie, I laughed and cried, it was long though. I was slightly disappointed in the sex scene not because it wasn't good but because I had begun to think it was okay for the girls to watch :( maybe I'll fast forward or make them close their eyes through that part but there was a lot of violence and death too so I probably won't.
Anyway, the hubby went off to collage and I got off the old ass and turned on the 'Roadhouse' (my fav old country Sirius radio station) full blast and I cleaned my ~~pigsty~~ very lived in house up some, then started super ~spaghetti~
While doing dishes and listening to my old country,I started to wonder if two of my favorite country singers, Loretta Lynn and Dolly Pardon, had ever been friends. I usually sing along at the top of my lungs while ~~dancing~~ cleaning, but since the hubby has been layed off, he has been ~~up my ass too much~~ catching me in my private Me world. It's really a pain, I even have to watch over my shoulder when I'm talking to myself because he interrupts my conversations at least twice a week, then laughs at me, (like he don't talk to himself) ~~fucker~~ eavesdropper.
I hurried up with the dishes to do some research on this subject.
What I found was a shit load of information, I shoulda just asked my mama. Yes they were great friends and even made an album with Tammy Wynette ' Honky Tonk Angels'

In the meantime what the hell should I name this post it's so dumb?

Ooh..... I'm in trouble

2009-05-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

The yungins found three little kittens in the garage the other day. Of course,the girls oohed and aahed looked at me with their big blue eyes "kin we keep um mom?" ~~Hell no~~ We'll see I said, just what I needed to add to my ongoing zoo, which now consist of four dogs, my two male cats and these three kitty's and last but not least the duck~don't ask
They are cute little shits though. Last night one of them curled up with Teffa (our beagle) and her one fat puppy that the girls are ~~not keeping~~ determined to keep and have named him 'Rudy'. My concern is of course for ~~my poor house and husband~~ the lonely mommy cat, who is now with out her kittens. I have, of course been trying to use this point to convince the girls that it's best to just put them back and let the poor mommy find them, and so far they are having none of that. Amid the tears and the "but, they need us mom" and "they love us now's" they have ~~quilted me into~~ convinced me to wait awhile and see if we can catch the mom too~ Woo Hoo.
Today though, with the kids at school I let the kitty's out and when I went to let um in I saw the mommy, so I thought ~~here's my chance~~ she sure looks lonely without her ~~noisy~~ sweet kittens. I put them out there again and left um alone but didn't see her again so I gave up and went out to get them. One kitty is missing...... SHIT!!!!&;*%#@*!&**!! ......My girls are gonna have a conniption fit. I can't find it anywhere and I have to assume that the mommy snuck in and took it, at least that's what I'll be telling the girls when they get home. Maybe I can convince them (after they make me feel like a piece of shit with all of their tearful theatrics) that the mommy needs her other kitty's too. I'm wondering if I should stick the other two out there now and just have her take um all so I only have to go through the drama once. What do you think?

Evil Thoughts Abound

2009-05-20T21:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the second day of eight days in a row at work. I thought I'd hold up better but I got pissy as soon as I walked in and seen that nothing was stocked or done. This is not a good sign when I have six more days to go, I sure hope ~~no one gets hurt~~ I can make it.
I do my damn job I don't slack, but I also don't bitch. This happens more and more lately and now it's gettin real old, my boss won't listen to shit ex-specially about this girl, the ~~suck up~~ favorite. Well I'm resorting to one of my Mamas favorite lines 'If you want it done right ya best just do it yourself.' So all night while watching the drunks get drunker (and yes it's possible stupider.......I don't know how they do it) I was hatching evil plans. Most of these evil plans I had to discount because I'm really not that evil, just my thoughts and only ~~half the time~~ sometimes. I mean come on, how could flattening her tires make her start stocking the fuckin coolers? That would only make me ~~feel better~~ look bad if I got caught, and giving her the black eye I want to would sure make her look bad, but how could doing that possibly make me look good?
After gettin rid of the ~~fun, feel good, evil~~ bad ideas I decided to just do the same to her, I do days tomorrow and she follows me, so I'm gonna not stock and totally slack and if she says anything I'll just sweetly say 'well that's how you left it for me yesterday' or 'well I thought that's how we do it now adays' or 'paybacks are a bitch huh' or 'well I decided to test out this slackin thing and I'm thinkin I like it' ~ I don't know what I'll say, it'll come to me when she says somethin bout it, which she will, cus she's like that and I'll just say whatever snide remark that comes into my head. If that don't work, I'll just go to my roots, my core if ya will, 'the redneck way' and say "hey bitch, stock yer shit or git hit"
The redneck way is usually the simplest and fasted way to get anything done, I don't know why I usually save it for a last resort, maybe has something to do with being excepted in polite society and all that, but, what, I ask you is polite about not doing your job and leaving your work, so a sweet, pleasent, funny little redneck ends up doing it for you. HOW RUDE

Got any 'Ironwood' in you

2009-05-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

What a damn day it's been. Started out with gettin the yungins off to school then instead of stayin up and gettin sum shit done, dumbass me goes back to bed. Got up around 11:00 (lazy bitch)Yeah, so then I sit in front of my computer and just space, can't seem to wake up the old brain, happens a lot. I didn't have to work in the bar last night, but I did the 11-5 thingy in the kitchen ~~burnin shit, talkin to myself and spazin out~~ cookin (poor people).
Went and visited my ma after I got off work and then went home, I was tired but couldn't sleep. I get insomnia a lot and it seems like when I'm the tiredest that's when I just can't sleep. This happens tooo much, it's startin to piss me off. I've tried ~~getting drunk~~ everything.
Anyway, since I couldn't get my brain to function I spent the day reading other peoples cool stuff, got some ideas but got pissy too, cus everyone else's shit is better then mine.Damnit!
So, the yungins get home from school and we leave to go watch a baseball game, that they got the tickets for by doing really hard stuff at school, like 'reading'.
I took the night off work cus they guilted me into going, I hate baseball, so freakin boring.
It's bout an hour drive to the stadium, so we go early so we can do the dinner thingy too. We go the mall to get me some bourbon chicken and an orange julius (my once a year treat). Then were off to spend an hour waiting in line and listening to some chinese people behind us the whole time.
Did learn something new today with this experience though. Did ya know that 'HI' in chinese means 'YES'?? ~at least that's what me and the girls figured out when the china-men behind us was talking on his cell phone and all he kept sayin was 'HI' over and over.
Well, I got off subject again (stupid brain) okay, so we finally get into the stadium and find our seats. We're all cold cus the hubby forgot the jackets in the car (yeah his brains fucked too) at least mine had enuff 'matter' left to remember to bring um. So he's gone for EVER and me and the girls are left to sit and twiddle our thumbs watchin this boring shit and freezing our asses off. He finally get's back with the jackets and so we're warm, but then, we got thirsty, so he was off again.
At last, we all get settled and we start watching the game.
Then we all just start lookin at each other (all thinkin the same thing) and my oldest 'the smartass' finally says what we're all thinkin... she says "So this was loads of fun... are we ready to go now?" to that, we all nod our heads and we're off~ to home, another damn hour back.
The yungins had a few doosys for the ride home ... we were on a road called 'Ironwood' and my 11 year old says "Yep, we got a lot of that in us, huh ma" before I could even answer my formerly smart 8 year old said "no, we're rednecks right mom?" to that the oldest said "nope, I did research on this and we came from France"
Yep, these are my husbands kids today, and in conclusion I've decided that today has been a bad BRAIN day all the way around.

Where's the beef (chicken)

2009-05-14T17:31:00.000-07:00

Well, It's been awhile since writin' in here. My shit job is still shitty, my awesome website is gettin' more hits and clicks everyday but no one is buyin' yet. My AdSense for this blog are not showing up and I've been tryin to figure that one out. I think I gotta write better shit so I'll give that a try tomorrow.Over all same old same old.
On a better note I bought a half a beef, sure made my freezer happy to be so full. I was tellin' one of the yungins about it and the goofy kid said with hands on hips "well, what kinda chicken is that?"~ this one's the hubby's yungin lol
Any way look at the happy freezer--->>>
~So full and satisfied~

Anywho, I added a twitter widget to my websites home page and rearranged some stuff yesterday, it looks good (still missin' sumthin though).
I added a new beer page I just love it and last week added a more shit page.

My youtube video page is coming along nicely too be sure to go visit.

350 South

2009-05-12T21:37:00.001-07:00

check out this little six year old tearin' up these drums cool huh