Musings of a Nobody

New blog address

2012-02-02T09:02:00.000+00:00

I have recently copied all of my posts over to a new blog, which can be found here:

http://miscrawl.wordpress.com/

I've also created a new Harry Potter related blog, for all the magic lovers out there:

http://pensivemuggle.wordpress.com/

First Kindle Read---'A Clockwork Orange'

2012-01-16T19:45:00.000+00:00

I've done it, I've read a book (well, a novella) on my Kindle for the first time. Admittedly, it was A Clockwork Orange, so not some brand-spanking-new piece of fiction.

I must confess, I was blissfully ignorant of Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange. I've never seen the film, nor did I really have any comprehension as to what the story entailed. I've been vaguely aware that the film in particular is a fairly popular cultural reference, especially the iconic outfit (which was admittedly lost on me).

Now, a simple synopsis is as follows (not a comprehensive one, don't want to spoil it!)

It is a dystopian story as told from the view of a somewhat flawed narrator, Alex. He and his 'droogs' (or friends) make up a mini gang, and they perform random yet planned acts of so-called 'ultra violence' on their own community. Vicious beatings and theft alongside severe sexual perversions of gang rape and child rape. During an ill-fated burglary attempt from an old woman's home, Alex's mutinous droogs injure him and leave our narrator to be captured by the police. During his stint in prison, he is selected as a subject for a controversial, government backed therapy which promises to render him 'cured' and normal. After the harsh and traumatic process, where Alex is taught to feel sick at the mere thought of violence, he is released back into society. It is then, however, that a group of men who are opposed to the government's use of state brutality to destroy all individuality and choice, decide to use Alex as an example for their cause.

Firstly, I must point out that Burgess uses an experimental language, Nadsat, a mix between Russian and English slang words, in order to create a coded language that the book's narrator consistently uses. Examples include 'droogs' as mentioned above, 'nochy' which means night, 'platties' meaning clothes, 'rooker' being an arm and so on. When I first started the book, I wasn't entirely sure I would even finish reading it. Initially, I found the Nadsat language off-putting, but by the end of the book I felt like I was strangely a part of Alex's world and thoughts, and even knew what the words meant without having to look them up. This, however, leads onto my other concern. Part One of the book was extremely troubling due to the basic nature of the story. Alex is a sociopath, and we are privy to his innermost thoughts, yet we are also given a first hand view of his amoral and violent actions. It felt, quite simply, voyeuristic. Cleverly on Burgess' part however, nothing is overly described. I personally felt that there was just enough detail to give a simple picture of the violence, and the rest was left to my imagination.

This brings me onto Alex himself. As the narrator, and arguably the protagonist, he subjects the reader to a horrific moral dilemma. He is unruly, repulsive and brutal, however I would suggest he is simultaneously a charismatic figure. He is bright, extremely knowledgeable and somewhat obsessive regarding classical music, and honestly doesn't regard his violent crimes as a major problem. His initial behaviour is shocking and animalistic, especially his calculated decision to ply two young girls with alcohol and rape them, yet for some inexplicable reason I pitied him during the gruelling therapy and on his hasty release from prison. Society isn't entirely sure what to do with him, and how they actually want him to behave. Thus I personally view him as a tragic figure, who does mature to a certain degree, but he ultimately ends the story with a somewhat fatalistic attitude to the cyclical nature of violence and crime. Dare I say a dark coming-of-age story?

Would I recommend this book? To those not easily offended, most definitely. Any writer who can create such a beastly character yet still evoke feelings of pity must certainly be praised. If this was on a syllabus at university, I would gladly have written endless academic essays on it. A short review like this doesn't really do it justice, hence my rather brief and fairly obvious statements. Overall it is an incredibly haunting novella, namely because of Alex and his misdeeds, but also I would cite Burgess' knack for exploring troubling components in society. Although written in 1962, this story easily transcends to the modern day, where there are constant fears of troublesome youths armed with weapons, and no-one offering an effective solution of how they should be dealt with. It is ultimately a novella of dystopian extremes. Alex's extreme sociopathic tendencies; the extreme therapy to 'cure' him of his violent ways and make him a limp, characterless puppet for society's will; the extreme brutality and corruption within the police force and government; the extreme manipulation of the men who wish to use Alex as a political tool. I found it captivating, and the one word I would consistently use to describe this story would be haunting.

All Kindled up

2012-01-05T17:24:00.001+00:00

Another year gone, another year of mad Christmas panic is over and done with. Christmas is undoubtedly my favourite time of year, but it seems to be a long, hideously drawn out process which is all, quite simply, for one day. The build-up easily begins around September time, with advertisements for children's toys, celebratory food, artists vying for the number one Christmas single, even my poor inbox is overloaded with 'SALE!' emails attempting to extract more money from my already depleted bank account.

Then, of course, comes New Year. I can't say I've ever really been a fan of the whole NYE frenzy, or perhaps I'm incredibly bitter that I've clearly never been to a decent welcoming-of-the-new-year party. Now that I'm older (and unfortunately teetotal), NYE seems incredibly...forced? Everyone simply MUST attend a party and MUST enjoy themselves, preferably with alcohol. As 2011 was in its death throes, I was quite happily watching back-to-back episodes of Peep Show and, of course, Jools Holland. Inevitably, I cursed myself that I should be doing more, should be at a party or large social gathering. A) I wasn't invited anywhere and B) I think we are all conditioned to think this. However, enough of my ramblings.

Aside from my complaints, I'm always incredibly grateful for the gifts that I receive around this time. This year (well, last year now!) I was lucky enough to receive the brand new slimline Kindle. It was a complete shock as I hadn't really made any comments about it, or any other form of E-Reader. As I've previously mentioned, reading and myself haven't exactly seen eye to eye for pretty much 2 years or so. I've really struggled to devote myself to any books, as the desire and drive just isn't there. Depressing in a way, as I have always had a passion for reading and the written word, how ironic. I have a stack of classic books that I'm desperate to read, but inexplicably can't face them. I told a lie, I have had a vague conversation regarding E-Books. I recall that I was slightly haughty, and said that I much prefer the physical closeness that a book provides, holding it in my hands and turning the pages. Hence my surprise on Christmas morning to pull back the wrapping paper and see a Kindle box staring back at me.

I do still love a physical book, in fact I received three rather beautiful leather bound copies of classic books which now sit proudly on my bookcase, still wrapped in their plastic which I'm terrified to take off. But I'm hoping that the Kindle will be my own personal New Year. A new start, a new me where I rediscover my love of literature. As it is such an expensive present, that does provide the impetus somewhat!

I've only made one purchase thus far, that of The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. It is one of my favourite texts to read, despite being only a few pages long. One small step for the Kindle, one giant (?) leap for me.

All the signs of change are there, but what to buy and read next?....

Curse of Christmas

2011-10-09T20:48:00.000+01:00

Even though we are 10? 11? weeks away from Christmas, I'm already starting to feel the inevitable panic, and 'buy! buy! buy!' screams inside my head. What if I'm snowed in, I MUST be prepared and organised surely? There's something about Christmas that evokes irrational thought processes and, at times, rubbish present buying. Why are people who you see and speak to all year round suddenly so damn hard to buy for? I'm flummoxed by the sheer choice on the internet and flustered by my indecisiveness in shops. I sincerely hope I'm not the only one. I know the old lines, 'it's the thought that counts', or 'I don't want anything, really!' but they do nothing to rid me of my festive unease. People pleasing is hard.

Now, back to vaguely thinking of merry little parcels of joy. Or mediocre tat in my case.

The end of an era

2011-09-21T19:58:00.000+01:00

So, the final film has been released, and it's safe to say the movie buzz has died down. The main question is, does Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 live up to the hype and expectation? Yes and no.

The film inevitably had a monumental burden to bear, being the final thread in what is arguably the most successful book and film franchise in history. In this vein, the film could never live up to the heightened expectations of Potterites across the globe, especially those that have read the books. There are noticeable changes, most of which aren't of major importance, but that still didn't stop me from silently thinking 'well THAT'S different to the book!' It's safe to say that the significance of the film prompted a slightly more critical response from me.

I'd be doing an incredible disservice to the film however if I based the entire review on my thoughts above. Pt 2 is still stunningly epic, tinged with impending doom, sadness and a very human story at its centre. Again I think that the film consciously chooses to focus upon the three leading protagonists, at the expense of some of the other favourite characters, plotlines and deaths. I'd suggest that this would perhaps be the main perceived weakness of the film as a whole. We see the Weasleys and members of the Order of the Phoenix fleetingly which may not be to everybody's liking. In the book, there is a significant conversation with Aberforth, Dumbledore's brother, which neatly ties up Dumbledore's background story. Wisely in this instance, the film chooses to not focus heavily on this aspect of the book, ensuring that the film maintains its fast past and stance as an epic finale. The Severus Snape by-line was handled sensitively and effectively, and in all honesty this was the only character fatality which evoked any emotion. Within Snape's memories we see flashbacks of previous films giving the perfect level of nostalgia, as well as snippets of Snape's early childhood which is intertwined with Harry's parents story. Despite my stated misgivings and loyalties to the book, I'm pleased that Pt 2 homes in on Harry in particular. The numerous deaths of much loved characters are, in my opinion, understated (not dismissed as some have said) which merely enhances the fact that this is Harry's struggle, against both Voldemort and himself. To reiterate this further, the final parts of the film focus mainly on Harry, and the inner demons and the revelation that he has to come to terms with. I would suggest that this is a fitting ending to a story which is, after all, Harry's.

The film certainly fulfils the visually spectacular requirement. A few minutes into Pt 2 we witness the trio breaking into Gringotts Bank in their hunt for elusive horcruxes, thus encountering a dragon; the preparation for battle and the Hogwarts battle itself is epically satisfying; the trio's expedition into the Room of Requirement ends in snake-like flames and Harry's final desperate showdown with Voldemort are specific examples. Not visually stimulating but equally loyal to the book is Harry's reunion with Dumbledore in a poignant scene at King's Cross station. This scene easily stands up to the aforementioned spectacles, and it is shot and acted perfectly. Also pleasingly, characters fulfil their destinies, good triumphs over evil and relationships are strengthened and affirmed. Specifically, Hermione and Ron finally reveal their true feelings for each other (in a rather fleeting moment I felt, though it was followed by rapturous applause in the cinema) and Neville finally transcends his wimpy stereotype and plays a key role in ending Voldemort once and for all, albeit fairly brief on-screen.

The person that I saw the film with commented that 'more of the book fighting should have been included'. I understand this cynicism, but I think David Yates crafted a perfectly satisfying film in the sense that spectacular set pieces and CGI did not overshadow the true heart of the story, that of relationships, sacrifice and self examination. Pt 2 ends 19 years later where we inevitably see that the trio have married their true loves and are preparing to send their children, the next generation of witches and wizards, to Hogwarts. For me, this was the most emotional part of the film, as David Yates cleverly lingers on their (supposedly) older faces in the closing shot, a final goodbye to the characters which we have followed diligently for the past ten years.

Goodbye old friend.

Going to school pays...doesn't it?

2011-03-27T19:42:00.000+01:00

I've been watching Jamie's Dream School with some fascination. When I first saw the advertisement, I was instantly intrigued at the concept of a school operating outside the normal parameters of educational rules and regulations. The basic premise is that chef Jamie Oliver establishes a school for a few weeks, where famous people gifted in particular subject areas come and teach disadvantaged and disregarded teenagers who are academic failures. It was the famous teachers which mainly interested me; what kind of teaching style would they adopt, and in fact would they be any good at forming a relationship with the supposed 'failed' youth of today? I'll admit I was also slightly cynical, as Jamie seems to be single-handedly attempting to reform all aspects of society whether it is needed or not.

To be honest, I was shocked at the sheer disregard and disrespect that the 'wronged' students consistently displayed to each other, the headmaster, and even the highly respected men and women who are at the forefront of their field, giving up their valuable time to become the school's teachers.Yes, in some way we are meant to pity these young adults who have not benefited from the educational system, who feel their skills lie outside of academia and who feel let-down and marginalised by a system which fails to include them. I understand what Jamie is attempting to highlight, that nurturing and manipulation of the current educational structure needs to support people who struggle with rules and obedience, socialisation, anger, even the basics of English and maths.

However, I felt far from sympathetic for the majority of students that he had selected to attend Dream School. Lots have severe emotional and behavioural troubles, which often manifested into angry and violent confrontations. I'm from a very distinct academic background; I've always felt completely at ease within that environment, so it would be true to argue that I wouldn't understand the feeling of alienation which I'm sure these students would proclaim to feel. But their simple lack of manners was truly astounding. I'll admit that I felt a certain level of jealousy, and that they did not deserve the opportunity that was being given to them. Being taught history by Dr David Starkey? Science by Professor Robert Winston? Shakespeare by Simon Callow? They clearly did not appreciate the level of sacrifice that was given to them. Certainly, it felt like their insolence was being rewarded by having some of this country's greatest minds teaching them in a very specialised way. I have worked hard throughout my entire education, yet I was never rewarded with anything on this scale. It begs the question really, does hard-work, mild manners and a high level of respect pay off? If Jamie's Dream School is anything to go by, then no.

The King's award winning Speech

2011-01-25T16:35:00.000+00:00

The 2011 Oscar nominations have been announced, and it would be fair to say that The King's Speech has dominated most categories. Is it a deserved nominee?

The simple answer would be yes. I held off from seeing the film immediately, namely because I was slightly dubious as to the cinematic possibilities of such a simple subject. My misgivings were allayed by the amount of positive praise that the film began to receive upon its release, so I went to see the film.

Cinematically, the film relies on the strength of its story and acting as opposed to blockbusting effects. The audience develops a level relationship with the central character Bertie, the Prince and reluctant King, via his insecurities as a man and leader which manifests itself as a speech impediment. The story is simple, perhaps even sounding rather bland. Prince Albert, suffering from a chronic stammer exacerbated by his duties to large crowds, makes one last ditch attempt to control his speech by seeing a somewhat unconventional therapist. In the course of his treatment, his father King George V dies, and his eldest brother abdicates in favour of a tempestuous relationship with an American divorcee Wallace Simpson. Thus, Bertie takes to the throne and must broadcast a live wireless announcement to the nation (and world) that the war with Germany and the Nazis has begun. Of course, his mastery of his speech impediment is a forgone conclusion. But it is the fact that the film is based on a real, albeit historical, story which is the main draw. In a modern era which is increasingly becoming disconnected from our social past as a nation, instead focusing upon economic and political turmoil, I would suggest that the audience of this film are looking to a more idealised and simplistic age. The film's backdrop of the beginning of World War Two also harks back to the age when Britain was indeed a major influence within worldwide affairs, a stance that has decreased considerably today. It is perhaps no coincidence that the audience demographic when I went to see the film were people in their later years.

The film had just the right amount of political and social context alongside the individual relationships and emotional complexities. Colin Firth's depiction of the troubled monarch was excellently pitched, demonstrating Bertie's internal struggles between his family life and impending duty as a king. In particular, Firth's interactions with Helena Bonham Carter as his wife Elizabeth, and with Geoffrey Rush as his therapist Lionel Logue, are the stand-out moments of the film. I can't really praise the acting enough, or the minute period details which are lovingly adhered to. The grandeur of Bertie's lifestyle is a stark comparison to Logue's office on Harley Street which is ironically where we meet the true insecure prince. In fact, Bertie's final achievement occurs within a small, uninspiring room inside the palace, confirming that the film is supremely relationship and interaction based.

Despite the sarcastic remark of the person I saw the film with ('well that didn't have many explosions in'), I think the film deserves all the praise and awards it can garner. It is an uplifting, accomplished tale which chooses to focus upon the human condition: our emotions, anxieties and achievements. It enforces the age-old adage that with a little bit of work and help, you too can achieve anything no matter the struggles you face. Like its topic, it harks back to a simpler cinematic age and is just as fulfilling as a 3D blockbuster epic, even more so. A true period masterpiece.

Potty about the Hallows

2010-11-22T22:56:00.000+00:00

I've finally caught up with the frenzied crowds and seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt 1. I'm a self confessed Harry Potter enthusiast (possibly verging on the slightly obsessive) so the films always invoke huge excitement mixed with trepidation.

The decision to split the final book into two installments was I think a wise one. The book covers far too much action, emotion and character development to squeeze into what would have been a marathon film. What that means, however, is that Pt 1 shoulders the burden of laying down the story which will reach a crescendo in the final film. In Pt 1, nearly a three hour film, the explanation of the Deathly Hallows intertwines with the hunt for horcruxes, whilst the changing relationships of the main characters is well covered, arguably at the expense of some of the other tributary plotlines.

I'd argue that the production team had the difficult task of what to include in this key part of the Potter story, more so than any of the other films, but I think they made their choices well. The film chooses not to fully explore Harry's resentment towards the task that Dumbledore has left him, similarly abandoning Dumbledore's family history and dark past. I don't think the film suffered hugely by this plotline being discarded, as I think its existence in the book itself divided my opinion: at times I wasn't hugely comfortable with Dumbledore's history surfacing.
Interestingly, almost all aspects that were included were the most loyal to the original text that I've seen from any of the films. Great attention was paid to detail; I easily recognised parts of the script word for word from the book itself, which does provide a sense of comfort and familiarity. In particular I'd cite the retrieval of Gryffindor's sword in the forest. Also, the raw emotion displayed when characters are killed certainly brings a tear to the eye.The end of the film was a slight anti-climax for a fan like me, but I attribute that to the book not having a natural separation in the story which the film therefore had to construct. If anything, the image of Voldemort at Dumbledore's tomb creates a sense of desperation to see the rest of the story immediately.

The film demonstrates just how much more mature yet darker the books become as Harry discovers his true fate. Pt 1 is swathed in moody and draining colours, a huge contrast to the grandeur and richness we come to expect from Hogwarts scenes. There is a constant sense of impending danger, and the brief torture scenes in Malfoy Manor are the most shocking from the entire franchise. The special effects are stunning, with an airborne fight scene happening within the first few minutes. Even Dobby and Kreacher are revamped to look more realistic than they did in previous films. For the first time there is also the inclusion of an animation to explain the tale of the Deathly Hallows, which adds a completely new facet to the story. The animation is both understated and simplistic, yet stunningly descriptive. Perhaps the biggest congratulation should go to the three main actors, who in Pt 1 in particular do an incredible job of displaying the emotional trauma and angst that this quest has given them. The dynamics between them are believable and their bond is amazingly realistic, which is essential as they occupy the most amount of screen time. As a result, many popular characters such as the Weasleys, Lupin and Draco are on the screen for mere moments.

It is safe to say that only a true Harry Potter fan would be able to appreciate the film. I re-read the final book recently, so I was up to date on the story and intricacies. Anybody who hasn't read the books or even seen the latest films would potentially struggle with this plot heavy, but necessary, installment. In theory, the story-telling of this film should pave the way for some truly spectacular action scenes in the final film, which Potter is famous for. Overall, a brave effort which easily pays off considering the complexity of the text.

The joy of reading?

2010-11-15T20:23:00.000+00:00

For months, I've been struggling to pick up a book and read for the sheer enjoyment. Probably seems quite contradictory considering my first post. I like to think that I'm an avid reader, but recently the desire just hasn't been there. I've got a number of books stacked next to my bed that I just can't bring myself to pick up and start reading. I think it's mainly to do with finishing university in the summer, the fact that I haven't had a set itinerary with things that I HAVE to read. Maybe it's been a bit of a rebellion, knowing that I don't have to read something that has been thrust upon me. Still, it was a bit of a worrying rebellion even for me. Perhaps it was airing more on the side of laziness.

But two days ago, I decided to re-read the final Harry Potter book in anticipation of the film coming out. (I'm a Potter enthusiast to say the least). Unsurprisingly, I completed the book at speed, seemingly giving me the kickstart I needed. God bless J.K. Rowling.

Give it time, I'll be talking about Potter at great length.

Lest We Forget

2010-11-11T16:06:00.000+00:00

Today we commemorated the 92nd year of Armistice Day, when the combat of World War One ceased on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. Armistice represents all conflicts from the Great War onwards, even holding significance in current hostilities and modern warfare in places like Afghanistan and Iraq.

For some reason, this cause always seems to strike a chord with me on a yearly basis. Aside from the intense pride, it saddens me that with every passing year, personal stories and histories are lost as we grow ever more distant from the generations who fought in both World Wars, and as fewer veterans survive. I have a specific passion for World War One, stemming from reading the literature of the era, especially from the soldiers themselves. Most people would probably recognise the words of Wilfred Owen, Siegfried Sassoon and John McCrae. War literature at it's best is haunting, informative, emotive and effective.

At 11 o'clock today I sat in silence and comprehended how vastly different civilisation is because of these wars. In one respect, war damaged the landscape and population of countries irrevocably, causing economic and political turmoil within nations of this planet. On the other hand, the privileged lifestyles and freedom we have today stems from the ironic constrictions of warfare which millions of people endured for the greater good. Despite the passage of time, I sincerely hope that the past sacrifices made are never taken in vain, or mocked, or simply grow stale and become part of a systematic routine. Modern war and terrorism is in the forefront of our minds because of current conflicts which our soldiers are embroiled in, and understandably so. In a way I hope that this encourages people to remember soldiers of the past who withstood a great deal with minimal support. It is with the bonds of humanity that they fought against overwhelming odds, and it is with these bonds that we must honour them.

War appears to be a cyclical force, the taking up of arms against fellow man when words fail. The cycle must be broken. Nobody knows what the future holds, but the past should never be forgotten, and instead should be learned from.

'We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, loved, and were loved, and now we lie in Flanders Fields...'

Abbey Fever

2010-11-02T17:56:00.000+00:00

Who'd have thought that an ITV costume drama could have created the public and critical acclaim which now surrounds Downton Abbey. From the pen of Julian Fellowes, Oscar winner for his Gosford Park screenplay, many would suggest that the success of Downton was a forgone conclusion.

Essentially, the series encapsulates the iconic Edwardian period of British history, an era of social and political change. Downton Abbey is the stately home of the Crawley family, and the drama studies the complex relationships of the home's inhabitants, both the aristocrats and their servant workforce. In broad terms, Downton is perhaps unfairly regarded as the revamped version of the 1970s series Upstairs, Downstairs.

Downton effortlessly recreates the grandeur of aristocratic life alongside the harsh reality of servitude. The bright, plush 'upstairs' of the house contrasts sharply to the dimly lit servant quarters hidden below the artifice of luxury. The attention to detail regarding costumes, medicinal treatments, transport and even servant activities is to be applauded.

I must confess, I wasn't always an avid fan like I am now. The first episode, which obviously has to establish plotlines and characters, wasn't a huge draw for me, a self-confessed BBC period drama fan. The sinking of the Titanic, the catalyst for the story, was sparsely covered, and the overarching theme of inheritance and bloodlines was confusingly established. By episode three however, the background story was firmly rooted and characters were fully formed, helping to carry the various intertwining bi-stories along. The most focus in the series so far has been on rebellious daughter Lady Mary's fall from grace and her family's attempt to marry her off to preserve the Crawley inheritance and her virtue. In contrast, I feel that Lady Sybil's involvement with the burgeoning suffragette movement could have received more coverage, especially as this is one of the defining moments of the era in which the drama is set.

The cast is of a high standard, particularly Dame Maggie Smith as the Dowager Countess of Grantham. She easily delivers the best one-liners, complementing her portrayal as a traditionalist busybody. Another notable performer is Rob James-Collier, a footman committing dastardly deeds in order to fulfil his desires for a better professional position.

On paper, the characters seem to be two dimensional carbon copies from any other period drama. The interfering matriarch, the hotheaded pretentious youth, the sweet natured working class girl who MUST get together with the sweet but flawed working class man...

Despite this, it is a formula which works spectacularly. Downton explores the complexities of relationships across class and gender lines in a bygone era, evoking a sense of nostalgia within a modern audience who can compare past and present societal norms and mores. Or, quite simply, it is escapist viewing from the bankruptcy and dreariness of the modern world. What Downton does particularly well is to highlight the lack of moral disparities between the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants. Appearances can be deceiving. We are shown the Edwardian traditions and etiquette which attempts to maintain a rigid hierarchy, but are privileged with the knowledge that class and money do not breed model citizens.

I eagerly await the final episode of this series. I hope it lives up to expectations! The second series has already been commissioned, so I'm fully expecting more exploration into women's rights, but significantly World War One. The bar for television period dramas has definitely been raised.

What is in a name?

2010-11-01T16:11:00.000+00:00

I was tempted to name this blog 'Musings of an Unjoined Person' but I chickened out, presuming people would think I had no grasp of English grammar. I've always had great difficulty in giving definitive labels, names, decisions and meanings to seemingly inanimate objects. Toys, pets, and academic work all included. I fear that if I do, I'll realise two days later how pretentious or plain my stupid decision was, and curse myself for hesitantly jumping in feet first. Essentially, I have difficulty in categorising anything for fear of how it will be received by other people and wider society generally. A little far-fetched for toys and pet names, but still the same principle. I'm unable to categorise myself, or give assured and definite responses to questions like 'what do you want to DO with your life? What is your favourite book? Where do you want to eat out?'

The personification of being unjoined is from Carson McCullers' 1946 book The Member of the Wedding. Through the character of Frankie, a girl on the cusp of adolescence who struggles to find her place, McCullers is able to express the confusion, loneliness and awakening that everybody must overcome. Frankie is described as an 'unjoined person'; her lack of membership to anything stemming from her disjointed view of herself and her place in society. This quote seemed apt not for self pitying reasons, but for the ease with which it describes that hollow feeling of self doubt and uncertainty which everybody, whether adult or child, has experienced. I would highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone.

I'll try not to be so heavy and philosophical next time, I promise. Instead, I settled on nobody, which is rather apt.