1. @postcrunk

   There's nothing P.C. or PG about it. Postcrunk is a Twitter account that often posts sentence fragments or short phrases that riff on popular or niche culture. It's a bit of a nihilistic comedy, but in a way, it's a perfect linguistic deconstruction of pieces of culture, especially ones that the Internet takes seriously. If you think about it academically, Postcrunk is the 140-character non-verbal apex of what's commonly called remix culture. One could even parse some of the updates — "metal is about the dissatisfaction of the white middle class. rap is about the ascension of the black underclass," and "stand up comedian who silently cries for 15 minutes," for example — as poignant. And if you don't think about it at all, that's really, really funny.

   Rating: R for language, M for meta.

   Highlights: "politicians so white their names get used as slang for cocaine"
   "twentysomethings just tokyo drifting through life"
   "the eventual museum of every single one of Judah Friedlander's trucker hats"
   "I Can't Feel My Facebook"
   "like a sunset, the proletariat recedes from view"

2. @JefferySelf

   In the land of celebrity name-dropping and cute YouTube videos, Jeffery Self is king. He's also a gay Internet icon, but that doesn't mean you've heard of him. Consider yourself taught: the actor and Internet comedian made a name for himself with his friend Cole Escola, and now lives in L.A. and gets (or creates) plenty of work. Always catty and often using references that only the fabulous can appreciate, there's hardly a better slice of the Internet to be had for a laugh.
   Bonus: Self brilliantly guest-starred as Liz Lemon's cousin in an early episode of 30 Rock. And if you like '90s TV and bad movies, Lifetime, or Broadway, you won't be disappointed at the actor's quips. Also, his "It Gets Better" video is one for the books.
   Rating: PG? PG-13? R? It's unclear.
   Highlights: "If I win the Mega Millions I'm gonna buy Laurie Metcalf."
   "Roseanne actually has some legit presidential points. That said I literally know nothing about anything."
   "Pretty sure 1 of the teenage bullies from Hocus Pocus is on my flight. The 1 that steals the shoes & ends up in a cage. Color me starstruck"
   "There IS a God. There IS life after Disney World"- my dad on bourbon again
   

3. @ColeEscola

   Jeffrey Self's former comedy partner, the pair began their career making classic YouTube sketch comedy videos under the name "VGL (Very Good Looking, obviously) Gay Boys." The duo now live in different cities, but that hasn't changed their energy. Everything Cole Escola puts out into the world makes us smile, from his tweets to his Bernadette Peters impression. He does stand-up in New York City, and has a set of his own YouTube videos, and his often tacky updates are equally as often the highlight of a Twitter feed's day.
   Rating: R, if gay subject matter and talking about sex and dating warrant a restricted audience.
   Highlights: "When I talk about gay porn, you do realize I mean 'Marvin's Room,' right?"
   "Writing a book called 'The Unger Games' about how to interpret Neil Simon characters. No? Nobody? Okay, I'll keep trying."
   "I haven't been to a doctor in seven years. But at least I know I'm free."

4. @FriendFromHS

   If complaining about Facebook is the new national pastime, then FriendFromHS is the new Onion. This account is exactly like the Facebook status updates that you call your best friend to make fun of from the vapid hometown girls from high school. They were never nice to you, anyway, and it's a bit inexplicable why you're all friends on Facebook. But you are, and you've seen statuses like these before. And they're ignorant, rude, untoward, and scoffable — until they're a parody. Then they're funny, relevant to your social media life, and worth sharing.
   Rating: R … for racism, albeit a postmodern deconstruction of it. (But, still…)
   Highlights: "JUST woke up from st patty day….. if ne1 findz my green spanx PLZ let me no ASAP!!!!!!!"
   "OMGG WHITNEY CUMMINGZ DYED?!?!???! rip comedy"
   "ITZ F**IN FRIDAY GAYZ N DOLLZ!!!! pre-gamin at panera bred then hitting up da rave inside dat foreclosed house!!!! #whippetzALLDAY"
   "THINGZ I WANNA DO B4 I DYE: 1. b as sexy as tara reid 2. kiss 200 boyz (12 to go!! 3. watch da wire 5. LIVE 4EVAAAAA HAHAHAHA"

5. @HipsterMermaid

   Braden Graeber wants to be "where the PBR." He's the voice of the Hipster Little Mermaid meme, and he's a funny guy all around the web. Meme creators know how to riff on culture of a different sort, and can often create a positive (or negative — depends on how you look at it) feedback loop for the propagation of their one-off idea. Enter: Braden Graeber. But he's so much more than that. Riffing on popular and "hipster" culture, this Twitter feed has become immensely popular, and is worth watching for wearers of Ray-Bans everywhere.
   Rating: PG-13
   Highlights: "Keith Urban Outfitters is a terrible store."
   "Watch my TED Talk about never knowing what I'm talking about!"
   "Dubstep is the soundtrack to my panic attacks."
   "Opening a store for women who hate people. Calling it Misanthropologie."
   "Don't tweet your idols."

6. @MeganAmram

   Go for the profile picture (top of post), stay for the brilliance. This young, hip Harvard graduate moved to L.A. because she became a "nightmare hipster comedy" phenom. She's young, sharp, crass, and even a hilarious poet. Her tweets are some of the best on the entire web, and she's definitely a rising star that you'll love to watch shine. Thank goodness that the brilliant minds of the 20-something generation haven't all gone to Wall Street (occupying or otherwise). Just knowing that a brain like Megan's is out there in the comedy world should give all you cynics some hope for the future of laughter, and maybe the planet.
   Rating: PG-13? R? This is hard.
   Highlights: "I always forget when to use "you're" or "your" or "birth control"."
   "Just took a s–t. To prom."
   "My dad "unfollowed" my family when I was 4 months old."
   "A good, non-hormonal form of birth control is wearing jean skirts."
   "Waiter, there's an I in my team."

7. @TriciaLockwood

   If you're not familiar with mashups, Internet lingo, and the weird, just keep following Steve Martin or something, and don't even bother. This funny girl has a mousy profile picture but packs a lot of sass. Known for her strange interpretations of sexting (that's right, sexting) and her constantly self-referential (to Twitter, we mean) humor, the crass offbeat comedienne can pack a punch in 140 characters. Exploding binaries and imploding on herself, Patricia Lockwood is a name we guarantee you'll hear again.
   Rating: Z, for zany. If you're not into unsexy use of sexual words, again — don't even bother.
   Highlights: "Sext: We play Hangman & I guess wrong every time. At the end u gotta draw a big d on the Hangman! "Surprise," I whisper. "I can't even read"."
   "Sext: Wallace Stevens GULPS the Dew out of a huge-ass mason jar and then goes snowboarding like crazy down the gnarliest hill in Tennessee."

8. @brendlewhat

   This Twitter character is another example of postmodern (or poststructuralist or postcomedy) comedy. If Twitter has bred a new group of Internet cool kids (jury's still out on that, by the way), @brendlewhat is among the illest. Exposing the things you don't like about yourself (racism, sexism, etc.) but you sometimes hint at on social media, @brendlewhat takes no pains in retweeting the crap out of you. And his commentary on life is the best. It's not always methodological, and it often doesn't make much sense, but if you follow long enough (or if you have an advanced understanding of late 20th century continental philosophy trends), you'll understand what @brendlewhat is all about.
   Rating: E, for expository. And for excellent.
   Highlights: "Pinstitutionalized"
   "You there, are you human? A/S/L??? Please! Please A/S/L!! I've been lost in the internet for years now. Are any of you real people? A/S/L???"
   "Benjamin Franklin, Bold, Gothic; The Courier Case of Benjamin Button; American Times: New Roman Empire; Wingdings 2: Planecops"
   "endless shelves of physical media stacked upon the moon's dust, A Great Civilization Once Thrived Here, aliens never think, ever."

9. @CelestialBeard

   This super smart tweeter constantly riffs on cultural institutions, and even the ones that exist in order to salt larger behemoth institutions' games. He's a postfeminist feminist — though he'd probably never identify as such — and he's an up-to-date one-off laugh attack machine, provided that you're smart enough, well-read enough (especially in the theoretical and academic), and tech-savvy enough. Not for the less than brilliant, Thom J., as he's known, is another one of these Internet cool (read: intelligent) kids — the kind that get legitimately angry and make no bones about it when Redditors complain about their child pornography threads being ousted. You get the sense from tweeters like these that there are some kids out there who are finally, finally trolling the trolls. It would be handily possible to craft an abstract socio-philosophical study using the tropes in these tweets as examples of normative explosions — and even of postmodern institutions. And if you're going to waste time on the Internet, tweets likes these are a laughably great thing to produce.
   Rating: B, for balls out.
   Highlights: "PATRIARCHY.mp4"
   "Board games are returning the gaze"
   "to have to explain rape culture to the gbs mod must be the most sisyphean task"
   "I imagine this twet is said out loud in the heat of battle, shatner delivery"
   "i appear to have downloaded the complete works of andrea dworkin twice in a row??"

10. @EveryTweet_Ever

    If you follow one Twitter account, you've got to follow this one. It's an aggregator of the greatest sort, and probably not even meant to be a joke. But there's an art to it. Amalgamating Twitter user trends and making fun of them within the system — you have to update your feed to read a generalization of all of the things that you'll likely read in your feed — this is a joke within a joke within a joke, and further explains the way that the microblogging service has turned into a feedback loop. And for those of you that use Twitter like you would cocaine if you were actually hardcore, this feed is worth following as a reminder that you're not missing anything by turning off the push notifications and instant updates. It's really, really, really just not that important.
    Rating: MM, for mega-meta.
    Highlights: "#FF People I'd probably hate in real life."
    "I am hilariously inept at relationships."
    "People should respect my opinion for some reason."
    "cry for help HAHA JUST KIDDING not kidding TOTALLY JOKING YOU GUYS so depressed right now HILARIOUS i don't even know anymore"

The post 10 Next-Gen Twitter Comedians You Need to Follow appeared first on Zen College Life.

1. It's Only Two Episodes Old

   Two episodes, people. At the time of publishing, we've only really seen two episodes of the show. While there's plenty about the setting, casting choices, and stated goals of the show that's criticism-worthy, we've seen less than 150 minutes of the thing total. Let the episodes play themselves out, and then let's hear some criticism. The corpus of the show as it currently stands is much too thin to make the kind of broad, sweeping generalizations that the Internet is known for propagating.

2. It's Not The First of Its Kind

   Like Sex and the City before it, and The Mary Tyler Moore Show before that, Girls is not a unique television phenomenon. It's not groundbreaking; it's just HBO. There are, however, some marked differences in Girls and other television girls that have clearly informed Dunham's work — namely that the Girls aren't career-focused. They're a more emo, navel-gazing, hipster bunch, and so far we've only seen the main characters act fairly entitled. Girls is a reboot of a popular narrative trope (life through the lens of female friendship), and we've yet to see how this will play out. What we figure, though, is laughs, tears, and character arc resolution in the end.

3. Lena Dunham Is (Probably) Not A Racist

   Fine. We'll be the ones to say it. The criticism that Girls is yet another white-washed show about the Big Apple (think Friends, Seinfeld, How I Met Your Mother, and every Woody Allen film, ever) has been a two-week-long campfire around which many an online destination has gathered. An insensitive Twitter gaffe by one of the shows writers served to make things even worse. Thoughtful pieces from everywhere on the web both demonize and praise Dunham for sticking with a micronarrative about an insular community of females that (accidentally, says the show's creator) happen to be homogenous looking.

   Breaking down stereotypes and critical responses to our image-based culture are a wildly important and wonderful part of the thinking world, but the casting of Girls is not the end of the world. If anyone's surprised that typecasting and racial caricatures followed us into the new millennium, their eyes simply aren't open to the world. It's a good critical conversation to have, but it's part of an ongoing discussion about macroculture.

4. Everyone Doesn't Have HBO

   If you're hemming and hawing about Girls, then you're at least rich enough to have access to HBO. Regardless of the fact that you'll probably sound sexist or racist (read: stupid) if you take up the cause (without bothering to read years of critical race or gender theory) and become an early (read: preemptive!) Girls hater, you're definitely a filthy classist for even spending your money on premium cable. How do you even live with yourself?! By watching the best TV out there? How do you think you're making all of us proles feel, you patronizing bourgeois HBO watcher?! All we have is 200 other cable channels, with some dedicated solely to shopping, golf, and fly fishing. Be careful with all those -isms, people! Best form you could take is leaving the analysis (and jokes) to the learned experts, or simply opt out of watching the show.

5. 15 Million Children Will Starve To Death This Year

   It sounds like a canned response, but it's absolutely not. If the Internet spent a fraction of its time criticizing social travesties and demanding a populist response, there'd be a lot more love, happiness, and proper food distribution efforts in this world. We're not saying Girls doesn't beg important conversation, we're just saying this: there are other things.

6. It's Clogging Up Your Twitter Feed

   Be a part of the conversation, not a part of the noise. That's always a good reason to chill out. Millions of tweets peppered the show's premiere, and HBO's Girls was an instant social media phenomenon. But we're just plain tired of hearing about it. There's legitimate criticism, and then there's a bandwagon. Very few have the self-control to lovingly straddle the two, and therein lies a reason to lighten up.

7. It's All Just Way Too Meta Much

   Hipsters, non-hipsters, and hipsters parading as normal people are blowing up the Internet with whines about a show by a hipster, about hipsters, for not being something enough. Tweets about tweets from a writer who tweeted, then deleted, abound with great fervor. Backlash, counterbacklash, and the backlash to that have left a show written by a high-achieving, thoughtful young woman as a lamb to the Internet slaughter. And seriously, it's all just too, too much. Go outside. Smell a flower. Call your mother. Take a shower. Solve a Rubik's cube. Get a clue — or (gasp!) a date. Watch the show. Don't watch the show. Don't be caught dead watching the show. If you're paid or impassioned to talk about it, talk about it. Or don't. It's really not that big of a deal.

The post 7 Reasons We Should All Lighten Up About “Girls” appeared first on Zen College Life.

1. Sam Mitchell

   Former Toronto Raptors coach Sam Mitchell may have been honored as the NBA's coach of the year for 2006-2007, but his unfair termination proves that even the league's most prestigious awards don't hold much weight if your team isn't winning. Toronto decided to let go of Mitchell after only 17 games into the 2008-2009 season and a disappointing 8-9 start, which was mostly due to injuries. Although Mitchell's last season was an ugly one, he did help rebuild the Raptors and propel them into the playoffs during his last two seasons.

2. Todd Haley

   In 2009, the Kansas City Chiefs took a chance on a young, lightly experienced Todd Haley and gave him the job as head coach. In Haley's second season, he helped bring the Chiefs its first AFC West championship since 2003 and finish the season with an impressive 10-6 record. In 2010, the Chiefs made a six-win improvement, marking the franchise's biggest victory jump ever. But the 2011 season proved to be less than stellar, falling to a 5-8 record before he was pulled from his role as head coach.

3. Terry Francona

   The firing of Boston Red Sox coach Terry Francona in 2011 was a controversial decision considering the incredible record the team had under his eight years of coaching. Last year was one of the most unforgiving seasons for Francona and the Red Sox, who went 7-20 during the month of September and had one of the worst collapses in MLB history. It was the last straw for Francona, and he was let go at the end of the season. It was an ugly showing on his part, but what about all of the amazing records and milestones Francona helped bring to Boston? Under Francona, the Red Sox won 744 games and took home two World Series titles in 2004 and 2007, which ended the legendary "Curse of the Bambino." What else could Boston ask for?

4. Mike Leach

   Texas Tech's decision to fire football coach Mike Leach was a controversial one that left many wondering if it was justified or set up. Leach coached for nine years at Tech and helped propel the team to new heights. The Red Raiders quickly became known for their high-scoring offense and dramatic comeback victories. 2008 was a great year for the Red Raiders, who defeated the No. 1 Texas Longhorns and ended the regular season with an 11-1 record. Leach won several awards and honors for the successful season, including "Big 12 Coach of the Year" by the Associated Press and the 2008 George Munger Award. In the December 2009, Coach Leach was suspended by Texas Tech in relation to an investigation of alleged mistreatment of one of his players, Adam James. Although Leach denied the allegations, he was fired for insubordination because he refused to apologize to James.

5. Bill Belichick

   Bill Belichick has certainly had a successful career coaching the New England Patriots over the last 11 years, but before he was winning Super Bowls with Tom Brady and Co., he was busy rebuilding the Cleveland Browns franchise from 1991-1995. As head coach of the Browns, Belichick helped lead the problematic team to a 36-44 record and get them to the playoffs in 1994. Despite the noticeable improvements, the Browns continued to disappoint both offensively and defensively, and Belichick was let go by owner Art Modell before he moved the team to Baltimore.

6. Hue Jackson

   After wrapping up an 8-8 season, the Oakland Raiders fired coach Hue Jackson after just one year of coaching. Over the last seven years, the Raiders have become notorious for firing coaches every one to two years, which has left many players and fans frustrated beyond belief. Jackson was the fifth coach the team has had in seven years. Although the season ended with a handful of losses and a devastating 28-27 loss at home, Jackson wasn't given enough time to show what else he could do for the team.

7. Roger Neilson

   Roger Neilson was a legendary hockey coach who, despite his important contributions to the game, was consistently mistreated by those above him. During his time with the Toronto Maple Leafs, Neilson helped lead the team to a .500 record and a conference final with a 41-29-10 record. The following year, Neilson was fired by the owner, Harold Ballard, because the team was having a bad slump. But when the owner couldn't find a replacement, he was forced to hire back the distraught Neilson and even asked if he would wear a paper bag over his head for more publicity, but like any self-respecting coach, Neilson refused to do it.

8. Avery Johnson

   Avery Johnson has been praised for rebuilding the Dallas Mavericks and guiding the once lowly team to the highest winning percentage in franchise history. Under Avery, the Mavericks made their very first NBA Finals appearance in 2006. The following year, the team and its beloved coach set an NBA record for winning 67 regular-season games over the course of Johnson's first 82 games as coach. But the winning streak came to a halt in the 2007-2008 season, when the Mavs failed to make it past the first round of the playoffs and Johnson was sadly let go as head coach.

The post 8 Coaches Who Were Unfairly Fired appeared first on Zen College Life.

But you don't care about any of that, because you're a big ol' atheist. Put down the Richard Dawkins and listen up: whether you're simply not religious or you're one of those anti- people, there are still plenty of (good) reasons to see the film. Here are seven of them.

1. Because The Main Character Goes Through A Crisis of Faith

   If your mind is not constantly being changed, you're not following Christ. — Don Miller
   The movie follows the exploits of Don Miller's time at Reed. He's a bright young man that's learning and living, while being away from home for the first time and working through some existential, faith-based issues. If you're an atheist, and you've been through this process of rejection and dissolution, this could potentially be a great movie. Although you may not come to the same conclusions as Don (he ends up choosing a life of faith over a secular one), everyone can appreciate his honest approach to dealing with the tough questions of a narrative-based (versus fact-based) faith in the modern world. It's not a commercial for Jesus, and it's not an endorsement of any particular lifestyle. The book (and, ostensibly, the movie) implores you to think and grow, and to live the questions. And that should be amenable to even the most godless of the madding crowd.

2. Because It's Set in Portland

   If atheism is a mainstay of your pub conversations and personal philosophy and you're super-duper proud of that, there's a good chance that you live on (or love) the Left Coast. While it's often accused of being just so very (Portlandia, anyone?), apologists of secular culture often identify the Oregon town as a bastion of hope — or at least a place where nihilistic, godless views and your suspect cultural practices (read: having fun) are both tolerated and validated.

3. Because You Read The Book

   If you took the time to read the book, you might as well make the time to go see the movie. If you're the type of atheist that likes to challenge religious folks in an attempt to enlighten them, you might as well have the same ammunition as they do. Also, it looks like they portray Renn Fayre at Reed as some type of wild college glitter orgy (which isn't really the case, although Reed's student newspaper boasts that they capture the spirit of the three-day campus celebration just fine).

4. Because You Went To Reed

   Parts of the movie were filmed on location in February 2011, and it portrays the college as an intellectual hotbed of sexy, secular activity. Whether you're an alumnus, or you toured the campus but ended up with the rest of us at Chico State instead, you'll recognize local haunts and the beautiful campus as the setting for the film.

5. Because It's Being Billed As Anti-Christianity

   No matter what it is, there will always be haters. The more unforgiving and sheltering of Christians are bound not to like the film, as director Steven Taylor set out to make a movie about a young man struggling with Christianity, not a "Christian movie." It includes lots of scenes from the secular world, like cursing, sex, a lesbian, and big college parties — so you can be prepared for a certain amount of irrational Christian backlash from the intolerant sectors of the faith. And if the joy of Christian infighting isn't enough to crack a grin, there's always the possibility that you'll learn something.

6. Because You Hate Christian Movies

   If you hated The Last Temptation of Christ, called The Passion of the Christ a sanctified snuff film, or found nothing darkly hilarious about Saved, then spending two hours involved in the cinematic representation of an authentic thought experiment that deserves to be taken seriously and treated with respect is bound to make your blood boil. Which is precisely why you should see it. This list has barely addressed the hate-filled spewers of anti-religious epithets. These are the atheists that make the humanist, unconcerned atheists look bad to almost everyone, be they faithful or not. If you're this type of atheist, be sure to see the movie. Your comments are sorely needed! Everyone wants to hear you complain! There's a perfect place for you to whine. It's called the Internet.

7. Because You're Interested In The Future of Funding the Creative Arts

   How Blue Like Jazz got the green-light to be made is a bit of a Cinderella story. It's a little thing called crowdfunding, and it's the rich uncle of crowdsourcing. If you want to put some money behind a passion project, here's a rather salient argument: it's easier to get $50 from 200 people, rather than borrow $10,000 from an angel investor. And the proof is in the pudding. Indie-Go-Go and Kickstarter are spearheading this new, decentralized type of project funding, and everyone, everywhere stands to benefit from it. In the same thought pattern that a collaborative project takes lots of input, or raising a child takes a village, it takes an Internet campaign to fund a movie about a guy who thinks and talks about Christ. And if the story of Blue Like Jazz doesn't inspire you, its word-of-mouth campaign and how the funds were raised absolutely will. See you at the movies!

The post 7 Reasons Atheists Should See Blue Like Jazz appeared first on Zen College Life.

1. "Show me the money!" (Jerry Maguire)

   Just think, you'll be saying "Show me the money" as soon as you're done with exams and start looking for jobs. In the meantime, check out this hilarious clip and dance around like Cuba Gooding Jr. to get motivated about studying.

2. "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily." (Animal House)

   Think you bombed that chemistry exam? Worried about what Mom and Dad will think? Don't fret; just follow the advice of the ever-so-wise Bluto from Animal House, who tells his fraternity brother, Flounder, to "start drinking heavily" after they wreck his brother's car. Of course, you should probably wait to start drinking heavily until after all of your finals are over.

3. "Do, or do not. There is no try." (Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back)

   The incredibly wise Yoda can teach us all a lesson or two about doing our best to succeed, especially when it comes to exams! Just like Yoda tells Luke Skywalker to either do something right or don't do it at all, you should either study hard for your exams or not even bother if you're only going to "try."

4. "Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." (Billy Madison)

   If you're preparing a speech or presentation and you're afraid of looking dumb in front of the class, watch this hilarious Billy Madison clip and you'll feel 100 times better. No matter how nervous or unprepared you are, you'll never have to worry about receiving an outrageous insult like this from your professor.

5. "Remember, kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong." (The Sandlot)

   Children of the '90s know and love The Sandlot dearly. Just the thought of the movie can make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but it's the wise words of Babe Ruth that make it even more awesome. So when you're stuck in the library studying and wondering if you'll ever make it in the history textbooks, remember what "The Great Bambino" said about heroes and legends and following your heart, kid.

6. "Stupid is as stupid does" (Forrest Gump)

   Feeling stupid because you can't remember the rules of exponents or who won World War I? Well, Forrest Gump would tell you, "Stupid is as stupid does." This Southern saying means that no matter how stupid you or others think you are, your actions are the only thing that really matters. So, if you don't study for your exams, but still expect to get all A's, you might be, well, stupid.

7. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

   Take it from wiseguy Ferris Bueller; he knows a thing or two about living life to the fullest. OK, so you might not be able to play hooky or get out of taking your exams, but as soon as you're done with the grind of finals, get outside, dine at an upscale restaurant, go to a baseball game, jump on a parade float, and just have fun, the Bueller way.

The post 7 Movie Quotes to Get You Through Exams appeared first on Zen College Life.

1. Google Loredana Jolie

   Golf has always banked on a pretense of civility and good breeding. However, these two qualities went down the proverbial toilet in the wake of the scandal involving golf pro Tiger Woods' extramarital affairs with 15 escorts, most of them wanna-be or actual porn stars. In this week's news, just in time for the Masters, one of Woods' bimbos, Loredana Jolie, told various press outlets that she is "reinventing herself as a wedding dress seller," with a collection of handcrafted dresses that will go on sale in May. A website for this venture will be up soon. So guys, why not have some fun this weekend? Fire up the Internet, and whenever Woods is up to tee, type "Loredana Jolie,""wedding," and "photos" into Google's search engine. Who knows what might pop up? Married guys might want to select "private browsing" before doing this.

2. Remodel the interior of your home so it matches the Augusta course

   Remember that scene in Close Encounters of the Third Kind when during a family dinner Richard Dreyfuss, to the horror of his wife and kids, shapes Wyoming's Devils Tower out of a pile of mashed potatoes? If you're similarly obsessed not with space aliens but with golf, especially golf as it is played once a year at the private Augusta National Golf Club, try remodeling the interior of your home so that it resembles the greens, bunkers, and landscaping of the Augusta course. You can use kitty litter for sand traps, cheap but colorful flowers from the local grocery store to replace the azaleas that didn't bloom in time for the Masters, and strategically placed bowls of water for ponds.

3. Consider the plight of the homeless

   You might look at the vast expanse of the Augusta course and wonder what it might be used for during the months when grown men, dressed in orange or yellow pants, aren't wandering across its expanse chasing after tiny white balls they've hit with crooked metal or wood sticks. The late comedian George Carlin proposed that each of the more than 18,000 golf courses in the U.S. might be put to good use as land on which to build low-cost housing for our ever-growing homeless population. Considering many of the people responsible for homelessness play golf, this seems like a fair trade.

4. Consider a career as a miniature golf pro

   In Las Vegas, tourists can visit and play on an indoor, glow-in-the-dark, miniature golf course inspired in its design by the monster rock band KISS. In keeping with our theme of marital relations, we'd like to note that there is a chapel on the course, in case you want to get married before attempting a hole-in-one! With this in mind, aspiring athletes might want to consider the choice between two very different sports careers. The first, a stressful life in the public eye that requires you wear itchy polo shirts in relentless heat while trying not to bogey in front of a bunch of rich snobs. The second, time spent under black lights getting wasted and listening to KISS while trying to make a putt up a giant tongue and into Gene Simmons' mouth? We think the choice is clear.

5. Teach yourself to make a pimento cheese sandwich

   There are some traditions so "deeply ingrained" in the culture that surrounds the Masters, like skipping golf balls across a pond during the practice rounds, that suggesting otherwise will be met with scorn, and perhaps the heretic being burned alive at the stake. The pimento cheese sandwich, a cheese on white bread sandwich, is one such tradition, belonging with the Masters just like hot dogs goes with baseball. But you know what? They're actually pretty tasty. So why not trying whipping up a batch of your own? Of course, the snobs at Augusta boast having some kind of "secret recipe" for their sandwiches, so try not to feel inferior in your culinary efforts.

6. Place your bets on Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson

   Let's get real. The main reason people are going to tune in to the Masters this weekend is to see if either Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson wins and goes home with that ugly green jacket. Sure, Phil Mickelson is an awesome athlete, but Tiger is "Tiger" — one of those athletes you refer to by one name and one name only. It's gonna be a tough fight. A victory for Mickelson would be his fourth, tying him with Woods and the great Arnold Palmer. Woods on the other hand is shooting for his fifth Masters win, putting him just three away from tying Jack Nicklaus, the "Golden Bear." If you are a member of Gamblers Anonymous, this match-up is your sponsor's worst nightmare. Of course, either of these two might have a meltdown before Saturday, prompting many viewers to turn off their TV, open their laptops, and surf for Loredana Jolie photos.

7. Try to figure out what caddies do

   They don't appear too much and yet they earn a whole lot of money. What does a caddy do besides carry the golf bags? As you watch the Masters, work on your lip reading skills and try to discern what each caddy whispers to their boss just before they select a particular golf club. Are they providing reads and yardages? Advising as to where a break is so that the player knows which direction to putt a ball? Or are they quietly, and gently, like that voice you may have heard in your skull this morning, asking for a raise, because those golf clubs are really friggin' heavy?

The post 7 Ways to Entertain Yourself While Watching the Masters appeared first on Zen College Life.

1. They think their vote won't count

   Many Americans don't vote because they think their vote doesn't count. This is a common excuse that's rooted in the belief that the Electoral College chooses the President, not the voters. In reality, the popular vote in each state determines which candidate the Electoral College endorses for that state. Therefore, your vote does count within your state, and you should get out and exercise your right to vote.

2. Too busy

   Americans are busy people. Work, family, and other life obligations tend to get in the way of civic duties like voting. There's no doubt that voting presents scheduling challenges, but is that really a good excuse not to vote? After all, people all over the world have fought and died for the right to vote. The least we can do is carve out a few minutes to go to a polling center and cast our vote.

3. Registration requirements

   Voting registration can be confusing, especially for citizens that have moved from county to county or from state to state. But registration itself is painless and takes little more than the presentation of identification. Therefore, to prevent registration requirements from preventing you from voting, make it a point to update your voter registration every time you move.

4. Apathy

   Americans have a reputation for being apathetic to politics and voting in general, but politics in particular can cause Americans' eyes to glaze over. Many people don't like the partisan bickering underlying the voting process, and this is a valid concern. However, if you are too apathetic to vote, you should also be sure to hold your complaints about the way things are run. If you don't voice your opinion by voting, you shouldn't have the right to voice your complaints when things don't go the way you want them to.

5. Lines are too long

   Voting lines can sometimes be long, and for busy people waiting in line is a horrible waste of time and energy. But in reality, voting lines are seldom long, even for high-profile presidential races. With the advent of new technology, voting is becoming easier and more efficient than ever before, and this allows voters to get in and out without having to wait in long lines. This excuse is becoming less and less relevant as time goes on.

6. Don't like the candidates

   Politicians are sometimes easy to dislike. Their flaws are often aired publicly for the entire world to see, and many people generally distrust politicians based on this information. But even if you don't particularly like any of the candidates, do you really know them? And should it matter whether you like them or not? Perhaps a politician's stance on issues important to you is more important than whether or not they are likeable. Even if it's choosing the lesser of two or more evils in your eyes, voting is still an important way for you to voice your opinion about the subjects you care about most.

7. Can't get to the polls

   Getting to polling locations can be a hassle, especially for the disabled, the sick, and people without transportation. In addition, voting becomes even more difficult for those citizens who are temporarily out of the country on vacation or business. But advocacy groups are making it much easier to get to the polls, even for those with special needs. In addition, absentee voting allows those people who are temporarily out of the country to cast their vote remotely. As a result, claiming that you can't get to the polls is not a very good excuse not to vote.

The post The 7 Reasons Most Americans Don’t Vote appeared first on Zen College Life.

1. The Green Dragon Tavern (Boston, MA)

   Established in 1654, The Green Dragon Tavern's website insists the watering hole played a decisive role in the War of Independence, as it was there that plans for the invasion of Lexington and Concorde were overheard, prompting the famous ride of Green Dragon patron Paul Revere. This isn't completely accurate, although in those days, Revere certainly did enjoy a drink or two at the tavern. John Hancock was another famous patron, his brother lived next door. Full bands play onstage now in what is one of the oldest and most popular bars in Boston.

2. The Spaniards Inn (Hampstead, London)

   In London, there are no shortages of pubs and folks who love a good pint. The historic 16th century Spaniards Inn is mentioned in both Charles Dickens' Pickwick Papers and Bram Stoker's Dracula, and served both poets Lord Byron and John Keats, who wrote "Ode to a Nightingale" while sipping a claret. Today, the pub boasts a backyard "dog-friendly beer garden" complete with a dog-wash. It's the perfect spot to read, wash your dog, and enjoy a variety of ales and ciders.

3. Napoleon House (New Orleans, LA)

   Napoleon House, a building that includes a bar, opened up in 1797. The building's first occupant, Nicholas Girod, was mayor of New Orleans from 1812 to 1815. Being a proud French Quarter resident, Girod offered Napoleon himself refuge at the residence in 1821, a gesture that would give the establishment its name. Peeling paint, arched doorways, wood worn surfaces, and a clientele that includes artists, writers, and professional alcoholics, all give Napoleon House its justified charm and historical vibe.

4. McSorley's Old Ale House (New York, NY)

   Many of our county's oldest bars are located in New York City. Established in 1854, located at 15 East 7th street, McSorely's Old Ale House is the city's oldest, continuously operated saloon. It also enjoys the dubious distinction of denying women entrance through its swinging doors until 1970. Abraham Lincoln visited McSorely's, as did Woody Guthrie, and John Lennon (We're not sure if Yoko Ono was allowed in or not.). Visit McSorely's, and you can try to sort out its contradictory history over a draft or two (or three).

5. Harry's New York Bar (Paris)

   Harry's New York Bar is actually located in Paris, France. Originally located in New York City, the bar was dismantled in 1911, and brought over to Rue Daunou Paris in pieces to be rebuilt. Its famous patrons include Coco Chanel, Ernest Hemmingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Jean-Paul Sartre. Some sources say that George Gershwin composed his popular, programmatic orchestral piece "An American in Paris" on the bar's piano. The bar's interior is decorated with American memorabilia, which may or may not be of much interest to the French, but certainly helps 21st century expats feel right at home.

6. The Green Mill (Chicago, IL)

   Located on North Broadway Avenue in Chicago, The Green Mill Jazz Club is a hotspot for hearing jazz in all of it forms, played by musicians both young and old alike. Jam sessions until dawn are not uncommon. The Green Mill was established in 1907, and was a favorite hang of gangster Al Capone, silent comedian Charlie Chaplin, and singer Frank Sinatra. During Prohibition, The Green Mill was a speakeasy, and still has a trapdoor behind the bar leading to tunnels that were used to illegally deliver alcohol.

7. The Jury Room (Columbus, OH)

   There is a lot of history to explore throughout the city of Columbus, a major American test market that is currently enjoying a rep as a foodie's paradise. The Jury Room, located at 22 East Mound Street, was built in 1831, to serve those visiting the Courthouse across the street. It has operated continuously, even through the years of Prohibition, ever since. The building, like most of the historic bars we are listing, is haunted. Indoor lights that are turned off mysteriously come back on, and a back gate that's always locked sometimes squeaks ominously, as if someone is passing through.

8. The Rail Pub (Savannah, GA)

   Everywhere you look in downtown Savannah, you're confronted with history. Since it opened in 1890, The Rail Pub, located at 405 West Congress Street, has operated as a boarding house and a brothel, as its location used to be Savannah's own "Red Light" district. Day laborers used to gather in Franklin Square, across the street from the pub, and wait for work on the railroad. At the end of a day, they would come to The Rail for a drink, thus inspiring its name.

9. Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop Bar (New Orleans, LA)

   This establishment, built between 1722-1732, is named after the privateer (i.e. "pirate"), entrepreneur (i.e. "gangster"), and sailor (i.e. again, "pirate") of the Battle of New Orleans, Jean Lafitte. Located in the French Quarter, and lit mostly by candlelight, Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop features well-priced drinks and plenty free-of-charge "old-world charm." The bar's website indicates it is "the only known watering hole that pre-dates our nation's independence." But what about the aforementioned Green Dragon Tavern which was established in 1654? The answer may be a matter of historical interpretation, best discussed and debated over a drink or two. Cheers!

The post The 9 Coolest Historic Bars Around the World appeared first on Zen College Life.

1. The lawnmower incident

   This is a scene that occasionally slips to the back of your mind when thinking of Mad Men, but you can never truly forget it. It was a shocking and gruesome moment in a show that typically relies on sex and '60s ignorance to surprise viewers, and it took the drama to a whole new level. In the midst of a takeover by a British firm in season three, Sterling Cooper had landed the John Deere account and brought in a riding lawnmower to begin working on the ads. Of course, the lawnmower was still there during an office party, so a tipsy secretary decided to drive it (with the blades on, of course) and ran over a man's foot. The scene itself is horrifically awesome and it moved the plot along because the British agency could no longer replace Lane Pryce with the footless guy.

2. Don Draper's true identity

   Don Draper is such a central character that it's easy to forget that he's not really Don Draper. Our Don, as we found out toward the end of the first season, is actually Dick Whitman, who was born to a prostitute and took the identity of the real Don Draper, a man who fought with Dick and was killed in the Korean War. Even more bananas is the fact that Real Don Draper's wife, Anna, lets New Don Draper live as her husband until he meets Betty and Anna grants him a divorce. Anna Draper seems to be the one person our Don really connects with in the show, as he continues to support her financially and is sincerely devastated by her death from cancer in season four.

3. Peggy has Pete Campbell's baby

   There's always a fair amount of sexual tension when Pete and Peggy are in the same room, and in the season one finale, we learned that they have an even more uncomfortable connection: a secret child. No one knew the female secretary-turned-copywriter was pregnant, but she gave birth to a baby boy (and consequently ended up in a psych ward for a time). In season two, she tells Pete about their son and that she gave him up for adoption, though it seems her sister might be raising him as her own. The two don't seem to think of the baby much after that, though it's clearly on Peggy's mind in season four when Pete announces he and his wife are expecting. She gave birth to a girl before the season ended.

4. Roger Sterling entertains in blackface

   In a startling show of pre-Civil Rights entertainment, Roger serenades his young wife during a backyard party while in blackface. This kind of minstrel show is considered seriously offensive today, because it typically mocks black people as being dumb, lazy, and superstitious, but that apparently wasn't the case in the 1960s. Roger's party is a time for Don to confront him about the foolish choices he's making (or use that to disguise his jealousy of Roger's happiness) and the blackface number seems to be a brilliant example of his oddly disquieting gaiety.

5. Freddy Rumsen pees his pants

   Good old Freddy Rumsen. He worked for Roger's dad and really helped Peggy get her start in copywriting. Oh, and he enjoys a good drink, or at least he did until that fateful day when he just had too much. Before a huge meeting with a big potential client, Freddy pees himself without even noticing, then passes out at his desk. Unsurprisingly, he was fired from Sterling Cooper. He gets sober at AA, and becomes a copywriter at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce after bringing them an account in season four. We'll see if Freddy can stay on the wagon; Duck Phillips certainly couldn't.

6. Joan's decision not to have an abortion

   OK, this doesn't seem totally crazy. The woman had been trying to have a baby with her husband for the better part of a season, but it was definitely a plot twist as the pregnancy came after Joan slept with Roger (on the street, mind you) after a mugging in the fourth season. She had implied that she was going to have a "procedure," but we found out in the finale that she hadn't gone through with it. There's no doubt it will provide the fodder for many more insane moments during season five as we find out if anyone in her life is smart enough to figure out who the father really is. Let's not forget that her husband was on his way to Vietnam when the baby was conceived and is likely going to still be in Vietnam, be killed in Vietnam, or at least return home with some serious issues. There's no way PTSD and Roger Sterling's baby mama won't provide some major drama.

7. The secretary dies … at her desk

   Ida Blankenship, even with her brief tenure as Don's secretary, provided lots of comic relief with her incompetence and tendency to take all orders literally. She was a welcome break from the parade of young, pretty secretaries who normally manned the desk and often ended up in the bed of Don or some other executive. Her demise was equally refreshing and entertaining. She looks like she's sleeping, and Peggy nudges her to wake her, making her bang her head onto the desk. The secretaries have to figure out how to get her out of the office without the important clients in the conference room noticing. It's a little bit zany, but ultimately paves the way for our next insane moment. (Image courtesy Dan Sai.)

8. Don gets engaged

   After the untimely death of Miss Blankenship, Megan becomes Don's secretary and he takes her with him to Disneyland to help care for the children. By the end of the season four finale, he has proposed to her with Real Don Draper's engagement ring and she, of course, accepts. Admit it: you didn't see that one coming. The normally stern and distant Don became a lovestruck teenager in that last installment, so it's hard to imagine how he'll act in the season five premiere with his former secretary, current fiancée.

The post 8 Insane Mad Men Moments You Probably Forgot About appeared first on Zen College Life.

1. Texlahoma

   In the early 20th century, northern rural Texas and western Oklahoma wanted roads for the then-new invention, the automobile, and needed to get the attention of politicians who could make this happen. The Texlahoma proposal, a threat by residents of the Texas and Oklahoma panhandles to create their own separate state, was created by Oklahoman A.P. Sights. Sights believed legislators of this new state, called Texlahoma, would work to build the much needed roadways. In spite of support from Texas and Oklahoma politicians, including Vice President James Nance Garner IV, the proposal failed to capture widespread support of residents of either state.

2. Acadia

   Maine representative Henry Joy has repeatedly called for the state to be split into two states, the northern region to be called "Acadia" and the bottom "Southern Maine." Most recently, Rep. Joy warned of an environmentalist plot to take control of several millions of acres in northern Maine and hand it all over to the government for preservation, ending all hope of chopping down more trees for development. The split has yet to happen, in spite of popular support from northern Maine's "woodsy" residents, who, unlike their southern neighbors, want to "shoot more fauna and chop more flora."

3. Lincoln

   Going as far back as 1889, counties of Eastern Washington, sometimes including the Idaho panhandle, have proposed splitting from Western Washington, mainly due to perceived differences in the cultural and political beliefs of the residents of these two geographical areas. As recently as 2005, folks like Washington State Senator Bob Morton have proposed the creation of a new state, to be called either East Washington, Columbia, Cascadia, or, most popularly, Lincoln. Despite years of contentious campaigning, the level of enthusiasm for splitting up Washington state is pretty much the same as it was back in the 19th century.

4. South Florida

   With a tacit agreement that the town of Jupiter serves as the boundary line, North and South Florida have always nurtured a contentious relationship, due to differences in culture, topography, politics, and most importantly, where state tax dollars go. As recently as 2011, North Lauderdale commissioners have passed or proposed resolutions to divide Florida into two states. South Florida would be, if it ever gets past state legislation, made up of four counties, Palm Beach, Broward, Miami-Dade, and Monroe.

5. Absaroka

   At the time of the Great Depression, South Dakota ranchers and citizens of small towns were frustrated with the lack of federal aid from the New Deal. Residents in northern Wyoming felt similarly, and a secession movement took shape, with the creation of a new state called Absaroka as its goal. By 1939, the movement had gained enough momentum to inspire the printing of Absaroka license plates and a beauty queen contest! Surprisingly, State legislators in Wyoming, South Dakota, and Montana began paying more attention to the grievances brought to them by their constituents. With the arrival of World War II, the movement died out.

6. Long Island

   Long Island and the State of New York have always behaved like two street gangs struggling to honor a grudgingly agreed upon peace treaty. In 2008, then Long Island comptroller told the New York Times, "Albany thinks of Long Island as their personal A.T.M. I believe the economics of the situation justifies a secession movement." The next year, Long Island legislators campaigned for secession to protest a payroll tax funding New York City's subway system. State lawmakers refused to consider Long Island's proposal. More recently, a cut to those payroll taxes was signed into law by New York Governor Cuomo, which means the Metropolitan Transit Authority will return to screaming about their budget. And the beat goes on.

7. West Kansas

   In 1992, a group using the slogan, "Give us equality or set us free," pushed for the secession of anywhere from five to two dozen Kansas counties to protest the raising of state property taxes and shifting of funds from rural to urban area schools. The new state would have been called "West Kansas," with the pheasant as its official state bird. People in West Kansas love the pheasant, and they love to shoot it. Despite some genuine support for the secession in nine Kansas counties, the movement died out by the mid-90s.

The post 7 U.S. States That Might Have Been appeared first on Zen College Life.