Haven’t we all felt this way one time or another?

And, yes, all we can do is ‘hang on’…………………..

“There are perks to all of my weight gain!”

My friend Jill announced to me the other day…….

“I just went to buy a new bra, and they fitted me in a D cup!!!!   D cup!!!”

“….Excuse me while I go and rework my profile on that dating site!!!”

I have lived my life thinking life should be a Bon Jovi song.  Very sweet, loving and happily ever after.

Imagine my surprise to find out it really is a Grand Slam Heavy Metal Jam! Hard, heavy and head banging.

Now, how did I make this monumental discovery, you may wonder? 

well…………………

I had a class reunion this summer.  (Yes, it was a very high number!!!) I was really looking forward to it, as I had not been to one in many, many years.  I had a great time, renewed some acquaintances and turned a few heads! Of course I had on a pair of my favorite drop dead stiletto’s and sexy top!  Life was good.  Very, very good that night.

As I arrived home, I was horrified to discover my house had been broken into and I had been robbed!  They took all my gold jewelry, cash, passport and driver license.  (I can only hope my name doesn’t become the next terrorist!)

Yep, Heavy Metal…………………..

I think Guns ‘n Roses are right…………”Welcome To The Jungle”.

 

As I was working on this fabric postcard, I had to admit……………….

I couldn’t have said it better, Zsa Zsa………………………

I have been so cold this winter………….

It is to the point that I dread looking out my window each morning, wondering what dreadful weather event I am going to have to fight through, just to get to work. 

I have been wrapped in flannel pj’s, thick heavy robe (leopard print, though, of course), two pair of socks, fluffy slippers as big as my head, fingerless gloves, and of course a wool scarf wrapped around my neck at time.  Now this does get me to thinking as I view myself in the mirror………………..how do women get pregnant in the winter?  I ask you, does this look enticing?  I-think-not………………..(just a random thought)………..

Anyway, I can truly promise you I will NOT be the one complaining this summer when we get the 95 degree hot, humid, stick summer days.

Reason?   I truly believe it will take me until September to thaw out!

I know I have been so bad about posting.  Summer caught up with me, and I just found it too hot to sit in front of a computer….

Ok, so what about Fall?  Winter? I admit, I have been a real slug lately.  I have been doing alot of my crafy stuff, and listing on Etsy.  But even with that I have not been as persistant as I should be.  I had to go through the whole routine of changing my seller name, so I don’t have an ex-husband stalking me……………what a pain.

I have to admit, I love creating.  Fabric is my passion. My family is aware of this and they overlook the scraps of material piled up in  my workroom…………..NOTHING is thrown away.  My grandaughters love the “creative grandma” and usually have requests.

“Grandma, I want you to make me a doll,” Drama Queen announced.

Now, I have never even attempted a doll………….ever……………….

“Do you think grandma can sew anything?” I asked.

“Yes.” The smile was irresistable.

So…………The oddest little figure was created, and is now loved by Drama Queen, as if it were the only doll in the world.

How long do you think it will be before she realizes “Strange Little Looking Doll” needs clothes?????

Every year my family gets together and we take my 85 year old mother to Las Vegas for a week.  I must admit my family is crazy, and we end up returning with sore cheeks from laughing so hard!  This year was no different.  We headed out the beginning of September knowing we would be spending a week of laughs (alcohol is added to the mix).

This is where my cousin comes in to play.  Since I usually have a drink or two……….I have told him his mission in Vegas is to make sure I don’t get married again!!! After the string of bad luck I have had lately (will go into it later), he said he thought I would need a GPS unit!

He did his job well.  I am back home safe, sound, and still single…………………

And very glad that what happens in Vegas………………………….

I was at a wedding a few weeks ago (one of many I have attended this summer).  I was looking forward to it, as the reception was being held at a very posh elite club.  Very, very fancy, shmancy……

I was thrilled to see valet parking was offered, which meant I could wear my painful, yet drop dead sexy  black stilettos, and not have to hike through a parking lot!

 Well, I pulled up…………………………sat in my car waiting for someone to come up to me.

There was a group of guests that were outside smoking, watching me.

I still sat in my car waiting for someone.  Now I felt like an idiot. Was I in the wrong place? Was I supposed to get out of my car and look for someone?  Smokers still staring at me………………….

Finally a young man slinks up, hands me a ticket, and drove off with my car. 

I felt much better now.

Attended the reception………..pretty much the standard wedding…..a bride, a groom, young love, a cake, and a dinner.

Time to leave………..

Got out my little ticket and walked to the doors where two young employee boys were sitting.  I handed one of them my ticket.  He looked at me with a blank stare, did a deep sigh (and I know what that means, you little shit), and sauntered out to get my car.

I waited…………..talked to one of the bridesmaids.

I waited…………..talked to the bride.

I waited………….talked to some guy hitting on me.

Finally another car pulled up front, and a group of grandma’s with walkers proceeded to fill their vehicle…………very………..slowly.

I could see my car behind them.

Finally, grandma, grandma, and grandma were all packed up, walkers safely tucked in the trunk, and they slowly rolled out of the parking lot.  I was waiting for my car to pull up under the canopy, but it did not move.  On closer inspection………….my car had been abandoned, door wide open………nobody in there………

I walked over to my car, got in, and drove the way home swearing at the little shit for leaving my car …………..as I was swatting (all the way home) at all the bugs that had flown into my car toward the interior light!!!

Was all this really worth a pair of hot, sexy diva shoes?

yes it was………………………..

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This summer has been so busy for me.  Busier than any summer I can remember in quite awhile.  I have had an occasion to attend (sometimes two or three) every weekend since the middle of May.

Graduation parties are starting to come to an end.  It seems all of my cousins children are graduating this year.  I have to ask, did they all get together and say, “Hey! I know!  Let’s all get pregnant this year, so our kids can all graduate the same year! and then, guess what, let’s not have a combined party……………..no, let’s have 17 separate ones!!!”

I must admit it has been wonderful seeing all of my relatives at happy occasions.  This sure beats the years we only get together for funerals. 

I will be posting as much as I can the next few weeks.

Until then, I will be busy buying cards and writing out checks……….

“Zelzee, I’m here for you to get me stimulated.”

The loud senior gentleman’s voice echoed in the vaulted ceiling lobby of my workplace.

Everyone within hearing distance came to an abrupt halt and turned to stare at me.  Even office doors opened so my coworkers could hear more clearly  what my dear elderly Mr. Senior had to say.

“Did you hear me?”

zelzee: “Actually, everyone within a five mile radius has heard you.”

“I haven’t got any stimulation like you gave everyone else, so I’m here to find out why I didn’t get any.”

zelzee: ” Excuse me!!!!”

“You got my buddy Ralph that stimulation, but not me!!”

zelzee:  “Actually, I think you are talking about the Economic Stimulus Recovery money  from the Federal government.  It was not me that sent it out.  It was the $250 you received in May.  Stimulus………..government…………….”

“Oh, okay then.  Have a good day.”

Sorta gives a whole new perspective to Public Services, doesn’t it?

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