If you don’t know what they are, then you probably don’t really know how men think about dates and “dating.”

To get to the point…

Have you had a great date with a man and then he didn’t call back?

If so, you probably racked your brain trying to figure out what happened.

You had a great connection.

You had tons in common.

And the conversation was great and it really felt that “something” was there between you.

But then he just didn’t call.

What’s going on with men who do this?

First, I’ll share with you the 3 reasons a man doesn’t call after a great date.

Then I’m going to share with you 4 Tools you can use to either PREVENT this from happening to you, or know what to do when it does.

Ready?

Reason #1: “Irrational Preferences”

Have you ever been out on a date with a man and he was thoughtful, funny, maybe even charming…But there was just a little something about him that was off?  Happens all the time.

It might have been his hair, the funny face he made when he laughed, or the way he reacted when the waiter brought him the wrong dish.  Whatever it was, it stuck with you even though the rest of the date was great.

But now, if you thought about whatever it was that turned you off about him, you’d realize that it wasn’t really a big deal.  Actually, those “little” things can be a big deal. At times, it can ruin any and all attraction! But, that wouldn’t change the fact that the funny little quirk or irrational thing that stood out to you turned you off.

After the date, you didn’t know how to tell him, but you just weren’t interested in him in that way anymore.

He was a great guy, but not YOUR guy. True.

Well, men go through the same thing with women. True?

A man can be attracted to a woman, find her sweet and smart and interesting… but then that one little thing shows up and that’s it.

If a man doesn’t call you back after a great date, one reason is that he just found one of the little irrational things, and there’s not much you can do about it.

Reason #2: Timing

Men like to date, and date often.  We know.

When a man is single, and especially if he’s recently single… it doesn’t matter how great a woman is or how great the date goes.

If a man really likes you on a date, but the timing is wrong for him and he sees that you’re not a woman just to date and have fun with…then he’ll pull away.

It might sound strange… but if a man really likes you AND he respects you, he’ll pull away from you if he’s not ready or looking for a relationship.  Ok, I respect that.

Of course, men rarely, if ever, SAY that this is what they’re doing, or why.

They just stop calling. Now that’s the lame part.  That’s when I would say to just man up and call!

Unfortunately, you can’t do anything about it if this is what’s going on.

Reason #3: He Just Didn’t Feel That “Something”.  Women go through that all the time too, right ladies?  Such a difficult thing to explain.

You might have noticed that the first 2 reasons why a man doesn’t call back are things that you don’t have any CONTROL over.

The good news is that the third reason is something you can do something about.

I’ll explain it this way…

There have been several studies done on what the reasons are that a man falls in love and chooses his girlfriend or wife.

Of all the data, all the reasons men give, there’s one universal thing that men say is the reason they fell for, and chose, the woman they’re with.

Men explain it this way:

“She just had something special about her, and I felt so great around her.”

That might not sound profound at first, but when you understand what it means, you’ll see how important it is.

Let me translate what that means for you.

Men SAY that they want a woman who has certain characteristics, or looks, or is a certain way…

But, what it really comes down to is how a woman makes a man FEEL when he’s around her.  So I guess that means, if you like him, then you have to pay attention to his ego?

If you can make a man feel that magic feeling of ATTRACTION when he’s with you… and you create both, of what I call. Physical and Emotional Attraction, (attraction deeper than just a man’s physical desire)…

Then a man’s going to want to be around you and won’t be able to keep himself from calling you again.

When dating a man and in doubt, lead with attraction.

The question is… do you know what it is that creates that intense ATTRACTION inside a man that becomes the thing that tells him he wants you and only you?

While attraction seems like something hard to define, let alone create… there is actually a skill to knowing how to create it.  WHAT?  REALLY?  I WANT THE FORMULA!

Some women naturally get how to build that fun tension with a man that gets him excited (in the right ways), and has him wanting more…

While some women don’t seem to get it so naturally, or have a hard time and get in their own way when trying to connect with a man.

If you’ve met a man you like, and you share a connection, you know it could lead to something great…

There are 2 things you need to know:

1) You need to know how to lead the situation forward by creating and keeping the attraction going.

2) You need to know how to handle the different situations that ALWAYS come up in every new relationship as it moves forward.

Most women don’t seem to get that there’s a whole set of things that happen BEFORE you get into a committed relationship.  WHICH ARE….?

Most men don’t just suddenly jump into a fully committed relationship after a great date or two.

Most men want to get to know a woman, enjoy the dating process and feel comfortable having, what I call, an “Uncommitted Relationship.”

That’s a relationship that’s a bit more serious than just a few dates, but it’s not yet committed or exclusive.

This is the phase where “the wheels come off” for some women since there’s a lot of uncertainty that goes with this stage.  Yeah, because most women don’t want to be strung along.  Can I get a witness??!!!

If you want to move into a committed relationship with a man, then the reality is you have to spend time with him building things in the Uncommitted Relationship.

The question is… how do you handle yourself here?

I’ve found that for lots of women, it’s this ”in-between” phase where most of the problems come up that ruin what looked to be a good relationship.

I think I understand the verdict here…men take some time to be committed, while women don’t necessarily want to take that time.  Well maybe we ladies can reconsider that “in between” time without being strung along.  At the same time, guys, why string us along?

Men, is this true?

http://www.catchhimkeephim.com/MakeorBreak

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in
Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Thanks Christian!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:  ALLOWING A WOMAN TO PAY FOR HERSELF is the BIGGEST FAUX PAUX in the game!

Let me give you a couple of examples:

I remember a while back, a guy invited me on a date.  He lived in Oakland and wanted to meet me half way (HUGE RED FLAG THERE, but I went along).  Next thing I knew, he wanted me to meet him in the parking lot of Borders. Yes, the book store.

What?

Next thing after that?  Parking at Borders is $1.00, so “Make sure you bring your dollar to park.”  That’s what he told me.

HUH?

I have to admit, once he said that, I had to kick him to the curb.  I wasn’t so tactful about it either; I simply flaked on him.  (NOT THE WAY TO BEHAVE EITHER, LADIES).  That was years ago

Another example:

A guy recently invited me dancing and when we arrived at the door, he only paid for himself.  I should have caught the clue when he asked me to pick him up and drive to the place.

WTF?

I had no idea this was a dutch thing.  Since I had to pay for myself, I wasn’t sticking around him that night.  I danced the night away with the real men who asked me to dance.

Since then, he’s asked me again to go dancing.  I’ve politely declined.

Big lesson here:  Guys, allowing a girl to even dip into her purse sends the STRONG MESSAGE:  “LET’S JUST BE FRIENDS.”

So if that’s what you want, then by all means, go for it

Don't let this happen to you!

Our good friend, J.C (one of my Blogulocity faves), recently had a weird experience with some chick that walked out on him on a date.   After that, he confronted her online.  What funny lies he caught; she must have felt moded!  This post was generously donated (thanks J.C!)

JC:  Where’d you find this chick?

Now can someone please tell me, what does PWNED mean?

Enjoy!

———————————————

For Single in SF City

Dating girls is dangerous business. Inevitably, a few dates will end in grief. Interestingly enough, you can see the stages of grief, usually in retrospect.

Case in point? I once had a girl go on a date with me, only to leave in the middle of the date to go out with another guy. She asked me to wait for her at the restaurant and then never came back.

I should have been done then, but I still wanted to bang her (guy mentality), so when she called the next day to explain why she flaked, I didn’t immediately hang up on her.  I was one the wiser: I didn’t believe a word she said and wanted to remain a gentleman and champion of good etiquette so I let her talk.

The entire time she was telling me she made a huge mistake, that she didn’t want to be with this guy she flaked on me to get with, named Gary. She also said she was really into me.  So I didn’t really pat too much attention to her flattery and decided I’d “play” along once in a while just for shits and giggles, hoping to get a hate fuck out it.

I knew she was still in a relationship with him because even though she hid her relationship status. She wasn’t too tech savvy, though.  If you clicked on his profile, it showed he was still in a relationship status with her.  So I decided to have some fun and call her out on it and follow her through the stages of grief (anger, denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance). Here is the result:

(PROP YOUR FEET UP FOR THIS LONG DIALOGUE)

[13:20] Me: you’re still going out with Gary
[13:20] Me: Wtf hahaha
[13:20] Girl: no I’m not!—First lie — anger
[13:20] Me: yeah you are
[13:20] Girl: no I’m not! — Second lie — anger
[13:20] Me: it says so on his relationship status
[13:21] Girl: NO IT DOESN’T! —Third lie – anger
[13:21] Girl: SHUT UP
[13:21] Girl: it can’t say its with me cuz then it would be on my page! — not too proficient with facebook privacy settings and now trying to cover up – Pretending to be really angry
[13:23] Me: yeah k
[13:24] Girl: Im not with him! — fourth lie – denial
[13:24] Girl: what the fuck! — fake anger – denial
[13:24] Me: you’re a jerk.
[13:24] Me: how am I supposed to believe you?
[13:24] Me: u know how to change you’re relationship status in facebook
[13:25] Girl: IM NOT LYING TO YOU DO YOU WANT ME TO FORWARD YOU OYOU’RE TXTSHIT – HE HATES ME! — hahahaah more fake anger and denial
[13:26] Me: why would it show that you’re in a relationship with him then?
[13:26] Me: hmmm?
[13:26] Me: why would u only hide you’re relationship status instead of changing it to like, nothing or single?
[13:26] Me: i think you’ve done this a bunch of times, you’d know how to do this.

Me: sends screenshot

[13:26] Girl: are you kidding me?—realization of pwnage
[13:26] Girl: oh my god—- pwned
[13:27] Girl: this is not happening — ultimate denial
[13:27] Girl: this is bullshit his ass doesn’t give a shit about me! — now caught, trying to cover up that she lied. This is the first sign that she’s still in a relationship with Gary.
[13:27] Me: Hhahahaha omg, this is so much funny. Girl, you’re a smart kid, u know what you’re doing
[13:27] Girl: how dare you — muahahahahahaha denial!
[13:28] Me: hahahahaha how dare I what?
[13:28] Me: You’re the one who lied about yoyou’re relationship status
[13:28] Me: Facebook FTMFW! YAY! hahaha
[13:28] Girl: I’m not a liar— O RLY?
[13:28] Me: You know what’s funny? I am logging this conversation and will put this up on some website
[13:28] Me: that would be epic — revenge is SWEET
[13:29] Girl: why would you do that to me — bargaining
[13:29] Me: why would u tell me you broke up and simply “hide” you’re relationship status on Facebook? But when I look at his profile, it says he’s in a relationship with you?
[13:30] Me: I really doubt that u wouldn’t know how to change it to single or no relationship
[13:30] Girl: we are still talking but he doesn’t want to see me —bargaining/depression, finally admitting the truth
[13:30] Girl: he just wants to yell to me — depression
[13:30] Me: so u guys ARE in a relationship yet u tell me all this sweet stuff
[13:30] Girl: i don’t know — you mean you don’ t how to act that you’ve been confronted in a lie?
[13:30] Me: you’re fucked up Girl.
[13:30] Girl: I don;t think we are — how can you not think you’re in a relationship at this point? More cover up.
[13:30] Girl: We don’t do anything together — oh, like you’re supposed to build an Egyptian Pyramid together?
[13:30] Girl: we haven’t hung out—- depression
[13:31] Girl: or seen each other — lied again – depression
[13:31] Me: oh, since cafe club rite, which was 2 weeks ago? —more pwnage
[13:34] Me: you’re either in a relationship or you’re not, but don’t talk to me about how me and you are supposed to be get to know one another better if you ARE in a relationship. Because to me to me, you’re just emotionally cheating
[13:34] Girl: i don’t know what i am to be perfectly honest and how juvenile that might sound — Muahahahaha – bargaining. Damn right it sounds immature. Just blame ignorance.
[13:34] Me: and guess what? That’s the same as being a cheater
[13:35] Girl: No I’m already know I’m a failure —acceptance
[13:47] Girl: i don’t know what to say -i have obviously have a biased opinion – I tend to stick in relationships just so I won’t be alone? That’s stupid – but I do care about you and I apologize for not teling you everything— acceptance, finally, an apology
[13:48] Girl: I just figured Gary and I were over but I didn’t know – right now I don’t know – he just yells at me a lot and i take it. You’re right tho – it should be in a relationship or not and I can’t make that final decision or cut it off—acceptance
[14:24] Me: my god hahahahahahahahahahahahaha Dude, this conversation is so epic because it was so funny! –finally, some revenge
[14:57] Me: so why are you so bad that people call you Ms. fail cat daily? — she said she gets called fail everyday
[14:58] Girl: because I have no balls –no shit, you’re a woman. Otherwise, I would have dated my first tranny. Sweet!
[14:58] Girl: because I can’t forgive and i don’t forget and I need to move on and I can’t— oh , now all about her… Victim’s complex start! Realization that she’s a fail at being a slut? Priceless!
[14:58] Girl: or really I don’t know if I can emotionally do it. I know half the shit I do is my fault. I don’t like to face that. I don’t think I have a future so I just play at the moment and not look at the future —PITY ME!
[15:05] Girl: i know i won’t get married and I know that I’ll be alone but I really doubt even if I do get married that I’ll be happy — trying to get more pity
[15:06] Girl: I’m done with all this shit and yeah so I’m a depressed fool oh well – I had a lot of shit done to me to make me this way — it’s all about ME!!!!! YAY!

At this point I should have stopped talking to her, but I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing…But i was having too much fun, so:

[15:09] Girl: I think if people knew what really went inside my head they would trip out. I know that I’m a good person but I make horribly bad decisions —Are you saying you’re AWESOME?! Keep telling yourself that…
[15:10] Me: I doubt anybody would trip out, really. Most people don’t want to hear it. You know why?
[15:10] Me: Because they dealt with it and rose above it—TRUTH

/Begin epic OMG CALL THE WAHHHHBULANCE

[15:15] Girl: I hate that my parents won’t speak to me because I left an abusive guy and they think I’m an ultimate failure – I have 6 vm’s on my phone from this weekend reminding me of what would be my 1 year anniversary with him and how I could have a good life. And look at me now — she was engaged to a guy and broke it off, citing that he was mean to her.
[15:15] Girl: I hate that I can’t stand up for myself with shitty guys and I use other people to fill that void. I need that attention — Self Actualization! Wow!
[15:15] Girl: I wish I could just tell people to suck it and I wish I could pick the right person for me. You know in my head I have this fucked up thinking that I’m pretty so why can’t I find a guy — new flash… more ownage about to begin.

/End epic OMG CALL The WAHHHHBULANCE

[15:23] Me: Because it’s not about being only pretty at your age. That might have worked when you were like 18-22, maybe even 25
[15:23] Me: you’re almost 30— Damn. Pwned

[15:52] Girl: OMG
[15:52] Girl: MY MOM JUST SHOWED UP AT WORK

She then signs off. Once I asked her why she couldn’t hang out and immediately she said “OMG my sister just tried to kill herself! OMG My friend tried to kill herself! OMG OMG OMG” I thought it was very dramatic.

Moral of the story: teach your friends how to use privacy settings.

OMG I have to go! My cat just gave birth to 80 chickens and now sharks with lasers are attacking me! PEW PEW PEW! ^_^

Indeed.

(This post is dedicated to my friends J.C. and Davey D.)

We’ve bashed ‘em, we’ve trashed ‘em.  We’ve judged, we’ve laughed, we’ve peed our pants .

By popular request, it’s time to focus on the positive.

Guess what…There actually ARE guys out there who do things right!

This wasn’t a “date”, but more of a friendly “get together.”  Either way, I took notice.  And hey guys, girls do take notice when you do good.  Consider it money in your dating bank!

Now I present:  THE RIGHT THINGS TO DO.

First, he called me with a plan in mind. Dinner and a movie it was.  Did I care what movie?  No.  And dinner?  HUGE HUGE HUGE points for remembering my diet sensitivities.  For that, I wasn’t picky about the restaurant either.

Second, a take charge kinda guy…a rare breed indeed.  He knew the movie time, bought the movie tickets right away, gave us enough time to eat dinner, with an option to sit for drinks!

Third, he talked! YES, conversation is underrated these days, but indeed it is a good thing.  Whenever you can relate to the person with whom you are face to face, life becomes SOOO much easier.

Fourth, he offered snacks at the movie! Such a nice gesture.  Especially since I have a sweet tooth.  ‘Nuff said!

Fifth, he allowed me to drive home OK, so he was humble enough to admit that he’d had a little too much to drink.  Plus he’s got a super nice car.  Humility + nice car = way to impress!

*****LAST BUT NOT LEAST:  He opened EVERY door.******

It’s just a little something that always makes a girl feel good.  Life doesn’t get any better than that.

No bashing this time around.  And just for the record, I would not have written anything if I had a crappy time. This is my friend we’re talkin’ about here!

(J.C., thank you for being such a shining example!)

Check out the latest…

1.  Mark Sanford

“Serious misconduct”?  Umm…Yeah!  How about serious deception…to the public!

WATCH HIM SQUIRM!

MARK SANFORD DECEPTION….ARGENTINE STYLE.

2.  John Edwards.

This one is juicy because he’s allegedly the baby daddy.  And while his wife was sick?  Down right LOW.

WATCH HIM EARLY ON.

I AINT THAT BABY DADDY!…..OH WAIT, YES I AM.

3.  Bernie Madoff

OK, he’s not a politician.  But WHAT?  This guy betrayed the public AND his wife?!  Can you really trust a guy that steals billions?  Stay tuned…I’m sure the mistress will be on camera soon.

NOT A LOOKER….BUT STILL A CROOKER. AND A CHEATER.

4.  Eliot Spitzer

I’m sorry.  He just looks slimy.  Pathetic.

POLITICS IS ABOUT THE PUBLIC GOOD. SO HE SAYS…

NEW YORKS FINEST….DISGRACE.

5.  Larry Craig

A while back but worth mentioning.  What a liar.  Since when does anyone put their hand down while taking a dump in a bathroom stall?

WATCH HIS WIFE DEFEND HIM!

DUDE, JUST ADMIT IT. YOU ARE GAY.

The list goes on and on, really.  I’m not gonna go back to Clinton and JFK.  That’s been done.

Next list is the athletes…That will be a LONG ONE!

If you haven’t already experienced the world of online dating, then maybe you’re hiding under a rock (or maybe you’re lucky enough to already be in an “old fashioned” relationship).

But if you’re like most people these days, online dating is the way to go.  Everyone is talking about it.  Everyone is doing it.  Yes, it’s a phenomenon of modern times, so if you plan to get into it, at least follow modern-day etiquette.

Some rules of the online dating world:

1.  ONLY POST A CURRENT PICTURE.
Seriously.  If you’re balled, don’t post a pic from 10 years ago when you had hair.  If you’re overweight, don’t post a pic from your teen years when you were skinny.  You get my drift?

2.  DON’T LIE ABOUT ANYTHING.
Whether it be your height, your weight, your eye color, your interests, whatever.  Any physical and personality attributes (or not) are yours.  So be proud and represent yourself.

3.  DON’T CONTINUE INTO THE ABYSS OF NEVER-ENDING  EMAILS.
If you’ve found someone that you like, exchange a couple emails, then give them a call!  Don’t go down the dead-end of forever emailing.  You’ll never get anywhere!

4.  DON’T STALK!
If you like her and she doesn’t like you, then forget her!   That goes the other way around too.  Online stalkers are creepy.  It happens all the time and guess what…you can’t fall in love with a picture.  Move on.

5.  WHEN YOU FINALLY GET HIS/HER NUMBER, THEN CALL.  DON’T TEXT!
My biggest pet peeve…People abusing those Smart Phones!  UUUUGGGGGG.  Why is it that we avoid talking on them?  If you get a girl’s number, then it’s meant to be dialed!  Texting is unacceptable when you don’t know someone.

ONLINE DATING AT IT'S WORST...

WOMEN HATE WOMEN!

Is he lying?

It’s riduculous, right?

Ladies, why is it that other women have the tendency to snub us? Seriously, it’s happened to me countless times, for no apparent reason it seems.

There have been too many days when I roll out of bed, don’t comb my hair, run errands looking like crap, pop into a clothing store for a sec, and the sales chicks refuse to greet me or offer to help even though they’re not busy.

What’s up with that?  You’d think that they’d at least want to make some money, right?

I was at a wedding recently when an old-school guy-friend introduced me to his lady. What did she do?  She said “hi” and walked away. Didn’t reach out to shake my hand or say anything else to me.

On top of that, I’ve had female flight attendants blatantly ignore my requests.  I’ve had female acquaintances enter my apartment without saying a word to me.  Most commonly, if I’m waiting at the bar with my girlfriends, it’s likely that a female bartender would ignore us, or take FOREVER to act like she notices us waiting.

It’s not just me or my group of friends.  I’ve heard the same from women everywhere!  Women are so freaking caddy.  Tune in to the “Real Housewives” if you want to know what I’m talking about.

Some of the reasons I’ve heard women act like this:

*Insecurity

*She’s afraid you’ll take her man

*Jealous

*She’s threatened by your personality.

One piece of advice I’ve heard:  “If you’re a woman even remotely attractive, you have to disarm another lady with a smile”.

OK, fine.  I’m not even saying that I think I’m remotely attractive.  But in my opinion, a woman who acts like this is pathetic, I’m sorry.

Anyone think anything different?  Bring it!

The time old question a woman always asks herself is, “Why didn’t he call me back?” Trust me, I’ve been there too and I’m just as clueless as the next chick.  I’ve yet to read some of these books, but I’ve heard many of the authors on TV discuss some of the main points.  There are some UNIVERSAL rules that a girl needs to follow.  If you’re wondering what they are, refer to my previous post, particularly point #5

http://www.yourdatingtales.com/2009/05/05/want-a-good-man-then-dont/

DO NOT sleep with him on the first date. That is a sure-fire way that he won’t call back, unless it’s for another hook-up. And that advice isn’t coming from me–I’ve heard that from these authors on TV.

As far as any other reasons he wouldn’t call back…I’d love to hear suggestions so if ya got ‘em, send ‘em!

You’ll be doing a good deed for woman-kind

White chicks, black chicks, black dudes, white guys and everyone in between, all were very interested/shocked/pissed off at this mixed race couple in front of them.

My biggest mistake??? Just to show how clueless I really was, I took her to New Orleans for Mardi Gras!!! Holy shit, the names she was called, the names I was called. Major eye-opening experience. Ultimately, our relationship didn’t work out, no doubt, in part due to our different races and the “friction” that said relationship caused. I just looked at her as an attractive person, others looked at me as an invader/thief.

Just odd.