And so it stood that at Cambie, I arose and snatched an open seat faster than desperate housewives pounce on grocery price mis-prints. I sighed in relief and celebrated in my mind, my face not betraying my triumph.

Then I saw her. Wizened, grey hair all about. She sat down uncomfortably, ungracefully, a few seats ahead of me. I studied her only briefly – a definitely senior, East Indian woman with several large bags. Shopping, no doubt. However unlikely at that hour. I paid no heed.

That was my mistake, mea culpa. Seconds later, she bustles over and takes the seat next to mine, sitting awfully, uncomfortably, painfully close. I feel her breathing, shallow and loud, into my left ear. Her leg not only brushes against mine, it makes itself quite familiar with the curves and lines of my leg. I squirm uncomfortably and edge closer to the window. There is no escape.

I hold my breath as I feel her breathing come, heavy and warm, in my general vicinity. I continue to squirm. Inexplicably, unexplainably, she has contorted her body in my general direction so that should I make the most casual, innocuous glance in her general direction, I meet her probing eyes. I purposefully stare out the window and dutifully count the number of lamp-posts from Oakridge Mall to my house.

Passengers board and exit, board and exit, heedless of my very visceral internal struggle and the less obvious external one. I take great pains, make great efforts, to hide the feelings from my face. All the while, my skin contacts hers far more than I would ever like.

I begin the rationalization phase. Perhaps she is an immigrant, newly come to Canada, unsure of our customs of personal space and standoffishness. Perhaps this is the only human contact she has had in six years, aside from an aged doctor who prods and pokes her in uncomfortable, unmentionable areas of her body she fails to name in English. Maybe I resemble some long-lost son of hers, kidnapped on the streets of Mumbai, never to be reunited with his mother, doomed to some existence consisting of looting, pillaging, drugs or some combination thereupon. I puzzle myself into a tempest of thoughts, ever aware that my stop would soon arrive, my time would be up.

I decide to act. I stand decisively, several stops ahead of mine. With great purpose, I turn to exit. She lazily jerks her body into a different conformation. Had I been a much fatter person, I would not have exited with the fluid, liquid, cat-like grace that I did that night. Politely, I mumbled a ‘thank you’ to this stranger with whom I had shared my air and my space as I walked to stand in front of the exit. Other passengers glanced at me, annoyed that I would insist on being an impediment to their exits. I didn’t apologise.

My stop came. I rang the bell. The mysterious woman arose with no great grace and hobbled off the bus at the entrance as I quietly exit through the back of the bus. I did not and do not miss our encounter.

Some of my life stories are written when mysterious benefactors enter and exit my life imperceptibly, leaving behind memories, lessons, thoughts. I think back, musing, remembering, reliving – re-learning.

This story is not one of those.

I’m going to throw it out into the aether here, but I’m wondering if anyone can help me out with my intermittently-freezing laptop? It’s an HP tx2524CA running Windows 7 Professional 64-bit. It doesn’t seem to have any rhyme nor reason to the freezing then crashing (often accompanied by a blue screen but not always). If there were a pattern, I might have figured out the diagnosis with some Googling but as of late, I’m utterly at an impasse. Help?

Back to my post. I was feeling an overall paralyzing feeling of dread, of inadequacy of self-awareness and (dare I suggest this?) the slightest tincture of self-loathing. I resented myself and pitied myself at the same time. I wanted to bemoan my sorrows to the world, imagining that, as the proverb goes, a shared sorrow would be half sorrow, a shared joy would be a double joy.

Experiencing technological failure mitigated that pity party of a post. Why am I suffering inconsolable malaise? I don’t know. It’s unlikely that I will figure it out. But what’s important is that I hitch myself by my bootstraps and get out of this hole.

That I’m always pressed for time isn’t something new. I had chosen that path at the beginning of this school year. I don’t really have anyone to resent but myself. With that attitude in mind, I hope I can stop wailing over my perceived and supposed misfortunes and focus upon getting things done.

Chin up and shoulders back! Let’s push on.

The Olympics are finally (and I mean finally) upon us and even though I’m not an international sports enthusiast, I do feel a little warm inside.

Detractors can argue that the Olympics stand for everything we ought to be fighting in an enlightened society. Wasteful spending, misplaced priorities, runaway government budget overruns. It can’t be denied.

But really, protesters, can’t you be civil? Thoreau and Gandhi were major supporters of civil disobedience, suggesting that only in impossible cases should force be used. I think the Olympic organizers have been more than accommodating by establishing safe areas for dissent and protest. We can suggest government conspiracies (e.g. governments trying to localize dissenters for later identification and removal) but I like to imagine that they’re people too, not evil automatons.

Besides, the property you damage, the people you hurt, these aren’t politicians or corporate fatcats. They’re Joe the Plumber living down the street who works at the Bay or Sally the ISU Volunteer. They don’t deserve to be in the crossfire; they’re not trying to be complicit in whatever you think the Olympics are doing – they’re just trying to get on with their lives.

After two days of watching Olympic protests get out of hand, I just want to see the protesters realise that far from changing anyone’s minds towards their causes (and using this social momentum to effect change at the voting polls during the next election), their irresponsible, damaging actions are really hurting their causes. Already fringe, they continue to distance themselves further and further from the mainstream.

I care about issues of Native sovereignty and poverty too. But make a compelling case for people to care; don’t damage and disrupt so that people will listen to the temper tantrum. Be peaceable.

And then I realise, of course there is. This is my scratchpad. I’ll have to preface that metaphor though.

I notoriously vacillate among positions on things. Hesitant to think about decisions, loathe to make them. The track record is pretty clear –  choosing to (not) go to IB, choosing Science over Commerce, etc. And I justify them (the decisions, that is) to myself somehow, someway later, post factum.

It all happens in my head which is often a bewildering and confusing place. So I blog. It’s ridiculously mundane and painfully dull, but I’ve firmly convinced myself (for now) that there is a purpose, a teleology to all of this and I have to compel myself to begin again.

Of course, it doesn’t help that my laptop has broken down. I’ve reformatted a few times but the problem still reoccurs – I love my HP tx2500 but I think it’s on its dying days with some sort of hardware problem. I’ve suspected for a while that it could be the motherboard but my dad reasons that it must be the hard drive. At any rate, the RAM seems fine and it’s 2×2GB so if I can salvage them, I will.

It’s been odd, transitioning back to paper notes for classes. I guess I do listen a bit more, lacking the distractions of the internet but at the same time, I fell as though I’ve been unplugged and am now laying dormant. I’m not as updated with news and when I do find out, I’m certainly not the first. I hardly play any games on Steam anymore, mostly because my desktop is old (but reliable). This technology detox may yet do some good.

Here is hoping that I can keep this writing thing going.

This is a promise to myself (and anyone who still reads this) that this blog will continue, but in a different way. Not as a melange of daily idle thoughts and musings, but as a place to reflect, regenerate and refine.

And for anyone who’s counting, my commitments this term are

• BIOC 302
• BIOL 337
• BIOL 360
• BIOL 362
• ENGL 343
• ENGL 348
• ENGL 357

I’ll be taking my driving test (N) this coming Monday. Fingers crossed.

Also, I’ve given you fair warning so keep out of Richmond if you don’t want to cross my path!

Here’s hoping everyone a very happy new year. Drive safely and always use protection.

Anyone have any resolutions they think I ought to try? (Writing more often, for example?)

I Am A: Lawful Good Half-Elf Wizard (2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-11
Dexterity-12
Constitution-11
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-12
Charisma-12

Alignment:
Lawful Good A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment because it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

Race:
Half-Elves have the curiosity and ambition for their human parent and the refined senses and love of nature of their elven parent, although they are outsiders among both cultures. To humans, half-elves are paler, fairer and smoother-skinned than their human parents, but their actual skin tones and other details vary just as human features do. Half-elves tend to have green, elven eyes. They live to about 180.

Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard’s strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

ENGL 304 (Advanced Composition)
This one felt pretty touch and go for most of the way…the professor really knows her stuff (she should – she wrote the textbook after all) and there were definitely some innovative teaching methods. However, I never really felt like I ever got into the rhythm of things and when I did, it was short-lived. I’d recommend anyone to take this course if they feel that their writing is a bit on the weak side; this course should help you polish up your composition skills. However, the title of the course, “Advanced Composition” is a bit of a misnomer – most of the course is spent on persuasive essays, not expository.

ANAT 390 (Introduction to Microscopic Human Anatomy)
This one’s definitely a rite-of-passage for most and it’s reasonably tough. Because it’s a survey course, you cover a lot of ground very quickly, leaving students who haven’t taken advanced biology scratching their heads. If you are, however, a biology senior with a good number of cell biology courses under your belt, you really ought to be fine; it won’t be anything you can’t handle. It’s taught by a variety of different professors, each of whom is an expert in the material that s/he teaches – this is great because you get instructors who really are experts at what they are teaching but you never know the level of instruction you’ll get. Some are great and some not so much.

BIOL 361 (Introduction to Physiology)
I can’t say I ever really wanted to take this course – I took it because it’s mandatory for my program. Nevertheless, it was enjoyable, largely due to the efforts of my two wonderful instructors. The course material itself is accessible and not too onerous; all evaluations were open-book so it was really a test of getting enough down on paper to show that you knew what you knew. The topics are, at times, dry but I guess I can see why the course is mandatory for all biology majors. Regular study should lead to success in this course quite easily.

BIOL 304 (Fundamentals of Ecology)
Co-taught by two instructors, this course was in its first run this year after being revamped from the previous BIOL 302/303 program. Deceptively breezy in the beginning, many students learned the hard way that this course stressed critical thinking (for long-answer problems) as well as rote memorization (for definitions) on the midterm examination. The labs were fun if labour-intensive; they were generally mark-boosters. I’m sure, with time, that this course will become more refined but all I can say is that the course was still a bit rough around the edges when I took it. It was, however, interesting enough that I’m considering taking BIOL 306.

BIOL 300 (Biometrics)
Absolutely dreading this course, I walked in with the lowest expectations ever. I felt that I had been deceived – I thought that no math was required after first year if I wanted to do the Biology program! Nevertheless, the math involved is quite basic if laborious at times (ANOVA, anyone?) and the examples provided are compelling and interesting. I can see why this course is mandatory for all biology majors and I found, in spite of myself, that I enjoyed this course and saw how it would be relevant to research. The evaluation is straightforward and fair, if comprehensive. Regular study and practice should serve you well.

BIOL 360 (Cell Physiology Laboratory)
This course was a blast from beginning to end! It’s structured far more casually than those formal chemistry labs and you get to pick and choose among the experiments that interest you. There’s not a strong emphasis on the acquisition of laboratory techniques, though, aside from centrifugation and micropipetting, which was very disappointing. The TAs were helpful and the director was always open for questions, though. Marking is rigorous and more difficult than you might imagine.

BIOL 240 (Experimental Design in the Life Sciences)
This review might be moot seeing as how this was the last year that BIOL 240 will be running (for now) but I thought it was wonderful. It’s extremely time-consuming, however, and required much more attention than I had previously imagined but what you put in is what you get out. I learned a lot of valuable laboratory techniques in here, as well as figuring out that scientific research is not as romantic as I might have once imagined (I have so much pity for people who work with Neurospora crassa). Still, this course was just so rewarding and so great! I took so many pictures and they’ll always have a cherished place in my heart.

Next term is almost certainly going to be hugely different; a huge influx of ENGL courses will shake up the balance of things while BIOL 337 will either break me or make me. I’m excited!

Now, not to get ahead of myself, time to commence studying!

Triumphant, I reached into my back pocket to ready my U-pass. Yet Lo! My wallet was not there! What was I to do‽ I resigned myself to having to trudge the long five-minute trek home to retrieve my wallet and the U-pass inside.

“What’s wrong?”

I looked up. A middle-aged Asian woman smiled at me.

“I’ve forgotten my wallet.”

I must have drawled.

“Oh? Is that it? Here, you take this.”

She proffered the faresaver in her hand, retail value $2.50. Uncertain, I gingerly reached out a hand. She placed it in my palm.

“You’re a student. It’s okay.”

By now, the bus has arrived and so she hops on first. She takes a few seconds longer than she normally would have, as she reached into her pocket to tear out her last faresaver from the pack.

I mumble it over and over again, not quite certain how to explain my gratitude to a stranger that I would probably never get the chance to repay.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

She smiles. I smile. She sits down. I find a seat a little further behind, rest my head on the window and close my eyes.

No one else on the bus knows our little secret except me and her. And there’s magic in that.

I’ve set the geek-meter far into the red by posting this but…

What kind of inheritance does this pedigree show? What trait do you suppose is being depicted?

And most importantly, what does this have to do with my ENGL 304 term paper?

Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

Really now, that is just too amusing.

Currently working on my term paper for ENGL 304 (you know, that topic deserves a post of its own, come to think of it) while also sorting through the swath that is SUS Finance. Not to mention the job.

*sigh* Finals are about to be upon us. Whither shall I run?

Oh and for those keeping track, I’m thinking of dropping out of Science Co-op. Anyone want to offer their advice?

Note though, that I am hardly a hopeless romantic. I probably subscribe more to Summer’s views on life and on love than Tom’s. Or maybe the little sister. She seemed wise!

I’ve been watching television (using Miro!) and playing video games to assuage myself this term, more than ever. I think that the stress is getting to me. I always thought I was impervious to stress but the growing emphasis on mental health nowadays has been making me aware of the unhealthy and unhealthful ways in which I live my life.

I think this will teach me some good lessons about decision-making (e.g. course planning, job seeking, etc.). I’m not the person I thought I was, nor do I know if I will become him.

I’m excited to write my paper for ENGL 304, though. I’m not entirely sure of my topic but I’m trying to flesh out the details – it will be about scientific public discourse (that is to say, the bilateral discussion between scientists and laypeople) about genes and genetics. I’m interested in examining the ways in which scientists describe genes and genetics, the ways in which scientists elucidate the public and how it is (mis)represented or (mis)used. It goes back to my essay in ENGL 112 on genomic metaphors; I’ll be digging out that old essay to look at.

I got around to installing Windows 7 and I really like it! People can complain all they want about Microsoft but I think they hit the mark this time, even if it isn’t a bulls-eye. I wasn’t entirely convinced that my life would be changed by their new taskbar (and their new-fangled jump tasks) but I find it quite indispensible now. It only took me a day or two to reinstall everything and set my preferences back. Thank goodness for Mozilla Weave!

I’ve also become a bit of a consumerist now; every time I feel upset, I buy myself something to cheer up. I really should stop that habit; it doesn’t help my back account balance.

I hope I’ll have some interesting adventures in the near future about which I can blog but I somehow doubt it. Is this all it amounts to? I feel slightly embarrassed to seem so mundane to my readers (if there are indeed, any) but I’m quite enthralled by my life, boring or otherwise.

I enjoy being in science. It makes me feel alive; it’s cutting-edge and logical. Things change before my eyes, new discoveries, new breakthroughs, made every day. It’s so exciting and glamorous. But real science, as I have been told, is not so glamorous. It’s difficult and arduous; Sisyphus has a better chance of completing his task than scientists do solving the world’s plethora of problems.

English delights me. It puts me at ease, it soothes me. Anytime I find myself in trouble, I need only a strong cup of tea and a good book to assuage my worries away. I love talking about English. I am only disappointed I can’t take any courses in linguistics or lexicography. Words, words words, as Hamlet calls them, are my lifeblood.

I’m just trying to plough through everything right now. I lit my candle at both ends and now it only delights my friends and foes, not me.

Oh, and I wish I had time to take photographs. Maybe I’ll go on a winter adventure somewhere?

Browsing, however, through some techie website, I can’t help but feel as though I’d love to get my hands on some things just to see what all the hub-bub is about!

Yoggie Gatekeeper Card Pro

Most people who know me know that I value my privacy and my laptop. The Yoggie Gatekeeper card is a security solution for laptop computers that fits right into the expresscard slot, working away quietly while you do your thing. I’ve commonly stated that linking to an unsecured, public Wi-Fi hotspot is something akin to diving into a pile of used needles so of course this product piqued my interest right away.

Price: 99.00 USD
Website: http://www.yoggie.com/

Belkin Mini Surge Protector with USB Charger

I saw it first on Lifehacker and have often thought that it’d be such a great idea to have one of these in case I end up in a situation where there are more laptops that need power than there are plugs. I’d be a hero! And I could charge my ever-dying cellphone anyway.

Price: 24.99 USD
Website: http://www.belkin.com

Amazon Kindle

This sets the geek-meter into the red zone but I can’t help but think that this would save me the trouble of printing so many scholarly articles for perusal! Besides reading scholarly articles, I could purchase fewer books and just read them on the Kindle…or I could use it for English texts…oh my aching back would be so delighted…

Price: 279.00 USD
Website: http://www.amazon.com/

Timbuk2 Commute 2.0 Messenger

Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m always on the hunt for the next great laptop bag. I’ve already tried InCase and Oakley for their bags but I think I’m ready to try out Timbuk2. The fact that this bag is messenger style only makes me want it all the more!

Price: 100.00 USD
Website: http://www.timbuk2.com

I’ll do a quick post on what I keep in my laptop bag sometime soon (after I’ve gotten it all together). I’m such a geek but if anyone reading things has a blog, post about what you keep in your laptop bag! You’re guaranteed at least one view from me.

I suppose it must happen sometime. That dreaded feeling – the one that makes you want to curl up and shrivel away into nothing. I used to imagine myself impervious to such feelings. Such deep sympathy I felt for those going through this. “I am so sorry for you,” I would say. Now the deafening silence surrounds, encloses, suffocates.

But I have so much for which to be thankful! It has always been my most earnest assertion that I have had the most serendipitous experience with surrounding myself with highly talented, wonderfully helpful people. Even when I feel as if I’m in the most dire of situations, I simply need to ask the right person for the right favour to get by. I’m so lucky that people have inherent goodness.

I hope I can shrug this off. I pride myself on emotional imperturbability. I have to find my centre again somehow.

(above) Rat Duodenum Villi under 400x Magnification and Phase Contrast

(above) Rat Duodenum Villi with FITC-WGA under 400x Magnification and UV Light

(above) Allium apical meristematic cell in prophase under 400x

I’m particularly excited because these were cells that I personally fixed for microscopy and photography. Given, they’re not the very best but I’m still very proud!

That is not to say that I don’t have other priorities. I like to imagine that I’m reasonably able at my job. All is calm save for some exceptional difficulties through which I’m working. I keep reminding myself to take it one step at a time. My assistant is really a blessing, though I really do worry about how she’s managing to balance time. Is that normal? Do bosses typically worry about the personal lives of their assistants? I hope I’m not overstepping any boundaries.

I thoroughly enjoy my involvement with SUS, though. My budget successfully passed executive committee even though some discussion ensued its presentation. I’m confident in my ability to lead SUS into a sustainable financial future and I hope that my vision comes through. I’m entirely optimistic.

it’s odd. I vacillate between a general malaise and a soaring optimism. It confuses and intrigues me. It feels like I’m waiting, passionately, reverently, for something. Something that I intuitively know is coming, but of which have no conscious knowledge. Fingers crossed.