"Male Speak": Friendship.Bonding and Sexuality Issues

A Man and His Penis-Male Insecurity

2009-07-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

This is a superb documentary, very revealing and very graphic, including the footage showing a graphic operation to enlarge the penis. It will open up your eyes to how men truly view the role of the penis in their lives. The guy below is the "filmmaker' and interviews all types of males.

Be sure to watch the entire documentary. it gets good!!

Visit documentary-log.com for more free documentaries!

Can Men Express Emotion For Other Men In Today's Society?

2009-06-14T20:10:00.000-07:00

Men are hung up when it comes to expressing emotion toward each other. That doesn’t mean the emotion doesn't exist, as indeed it does, but it lays in wait of a time for release.

Unfortunately our society is more free willing with women's emotions and men are relegated to role playing in free form, mainly in an alcohol induced setting, where the drink loosens them up and the real male escapes. So do the feelings and its a damn shame that society inhibits expressions of friendship and affection between males so readily.

Professor Geoffrey Greif, the author of a book called “The Buddy System” writes that the rise of the man crush is bringing men's culture full circle.

"The word homosexual didn't even exist until the late 1880s or 1890s," Greif says. "The founders of our nation would write letters to their male friends saying 'I can't wait to see you again. I love you; I can't wait to get together with you'. Somewhere over the last 125 years, it became no longer okay for a man to present himself that way."

So what about this so called “same-sex crush” or maybe even the term “bromance” as it’s sometimes called. Can males embrace this inner need in the outer realm of a society that is for the part infantile in it’s acceptance of true male bonding.

Have you ever noticed commercials or movie themes that have as a main backdrop, close male on male interaction. For the most part there are always females juxtaposed in those themes at some point. This is done to minimize the impact of male on male expressions of affection. The quips and references to such affection are only on the screen for a split second and then the female comes from the background to the forefront.

As a society we feel very uncomfortable presenting males as loving toward one another without the implication of some type of “ gayness” in their associations. We fear the “bromance” as feminizing a man. Why?

Men’s reluctance to literally embrace each other is both a product of enculturation to an underlying moral code which devalues overt expressions of affection between males. This type of mentality stems from the misconceived notions of what masculinity entails and the harsh and puritanical background of our country which portrays males as strong willed father figures, lacking in emotion and bound by illusory theological doctrine which espouse dominant themes of a “ strong willed male with iron shoulders.” There is no room for the ‘feminization' of males in this culture, whether it be a cultural implant or drawn from the personification of the biblical male.

"There is a wholesale feminization of friendship," explains Michael Kimmel, a sociologist at State University of New York, Stony Brook, and author of The Gendered Society. *

For much of the 20th century, most people believed that men were too out of touch with their feelings to make friends. True intimacy was for women and sissies. We’re still struggling with that in the USA and will for some time, but there is hope. In increasing numbers, males are opening up to their real feelings and less hesitant to embrace their brother. That's the true nature of friendship without constraint.

Nakedness and Men: That Special Swagger

2009-06-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

Guys have a thing about being naked in front of other guys. Seriously, they do and I believe that in part, its all about the "fear' of their eyes straying. Aware of this, even if nobody witnessed the gaze, within, they would have to confront the dreaded "homosexual" stigma. The reality is that guys do size up one another and even though they don't talk about it, it happens.

Most guys when confronted in a situation where they have to be naked around each other are quick to run for cover in some form or another. They move about quickly, running off to the shower with a towel around them, or dress quickly. Rarely, will you see a multiple of males standing around shooting the shit, while naked. Sometimes, it may happen in a locker room, but that's rare. Usually the towel is always there. Society has conditioned men not to look or admire each other bodies, let alone give another naked guy a compliment.

Many years ago I used to go swimming at a swimming hole. It was actually a quarry, but I prefer that description, as it invokes more down at home memories. There were often a bunch of us, but sometimes my friend and I would go alone. He had this habit of always taking off his trunks. He liked to skinny-dip. I didn't much care, one way or another and after much coaxing, I usually did the same. When there were more friends together, I usually kept my shorts on, preferring to let my one buddy do his thing.

The reason I kept my swim shorts on at times, is the fact that deep down I felt a little uncomfortable being naked around another guy for an extended period of time. I don't care if the water hid our bodies, it was that inhibiting socialization that males go through when they begin to realize that "nakedness" around other males, has a "homosexual" component. In my case, that obviously wasn't my problem, but the "naked' thing was just a problem in itself. Females don't appear to have such drastic inhibitions.

Recently, while staying at a hotel, I chanced to open the balcony doors, glance out and the first thing that wafted through the air was the smell of pot. I could hear gleeful voices in the adjacent room and it wasn't long before a guy appeared on the balcony and began to undress.

Either he didn't notice me or didn't care. By the time it was done, there he was. butt naked, making no attempt to hide himself from view . It was a well built young guy, physically attractive and obviously oblivious to the fact that he was now naked, out there on that balcony for all the world to see, although he was eleven stories removed from the ground. Maybe that was his reasoning..

A moment later he turned my way. Smiling, he asked me if I'd like to join them. Why not? I naturally assumed that he'd get himself decent and so I preceded to leave my room and make way to the adjacent room. He greeted me at the door, still naked, and what I saw really surprised me.

In the room were three other guys: one of them sitting on the bed, laughing hysterically at his buddy, who was on the couch mooning him, naked and completely lost in the euphoria that seemed to consume them. He turned and looked at me, smiling as I walked through the door.

After a moment's hesitation I took a couple steps into the room and a fourth guy appeared in the bathroom door, wet from the shower, swinging a towel about him in a carefree manner. He wasn't at all concerned that a stranger was standing there looking at him. He greeted me with this shit eating grin and continued into the room.

To make a long story short. the clothes never went on, but I did get sufficiently high to go out to the pool with them later. I managed to somehow bare myself below the water before I threw my trunks up on the deck. They were all naked, ridiculously high, and non-caring. We were the only ones in that pool and the pot made it much easier for me to lose that inhibition. That happened several more times during our weekend stay and I have to say that I really enjoyed the camaraderie. They didn't seem to care the least that my age and physical attributes were far below a youthful standard. They were there caught up in the moment.

I learned during our play that one of them was getting married in a few days and this was their time to let off steam. I'd never seen young males at home with themselves in this way and it reinforced my belief that young people simply don't have the hangups of older adults; however, I did consider that traditional morays were gradually breaking down and that males could begin to enjoy each other, in a non-sexual way and in turn enjoy the beauty of their bodies.

Why should women be the only ones to do so?

Image Sources:
http://www.adorehotmen.com/wp-content/uploads/michelanglo-corleone-wwwthe-men-experienceblogspotcom-03.jpg

http://www.whitmanarchive.org/archive1/classroom/student_projects/brian/swimmers.html
English: Thomas Eakins's The Swimming hole, 1885. This painting was painted using the pictures of his art students bathing in the nude (see gallery below). Held by the Amon Carter Museum, Ft. Worth, Texas

http://www.closetconundrums.com( Guy stripping)

www.chaos.com(Guy on couch)

Soccer Balls and Their Allure

2009-06-01T05:28:00.000-07:00

Photo at:
http://www.jackinworld.com/library/articles/strfant.html

Now, I Lay Me Down

2009-05-09T06:49:00.001-07:00

The Eyes Can Only Behold
What The Mind can Conceive

Attractive Fathers Do Not Pass Looks on To Sons

2009-04-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

I found this News Topic very Interesting

Attractive fathers do not pass their looks on to sons - Telegraph

Perez Hilton: Flamer and Insult to Gay People

2009-04-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

What a flame? Perez Hilton alias......, much maligned and hated blogger, who was selected as a judge for Miss USA. Please...? The self pronounced "outing queen" reacted with his usual tasteless remarks. This child needs some direction.

What am I talking about? Well who hasn't devoured the controversy by now. Ms. Hilton virtually attacked Miss California when she gave a truthful, to heart answer on how she feels about gay marriages. suffice it to say, that her response is not what he or others wanted to hear and it may have influenced her loss. although that point is debatable.

When you ask a question you should in all likelihood be ready for an answer that may not represent your thinking.If you don't want to hear an opinion contrary to yours, then don't ask the question.It pisses me off and does a disservice to gay people when so-called influential people like this guy, seem to speak for all gay people by their words and actions.

If it weren't for the " separate but equal" distaste in promoting "civil unions" for gay people and the legal issues which give marriage the upper hand, as a gay man, I wouldn't give a damn about marriage. It's all semantics and for gay people to go around promoting some heterosexual concept as something sacred is ridiculous; however, I agree that all of us need to be treated equally and so we must for now, go along with this well established ruse..oh, and because it dates back to biblical scripture.

Boxers, Briefs and Low Hangers

2009-04-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

"Man where'd you get those briefs?
"Measure of a Man"
"You think you got much to measure?" Jake asked,
"It's a store dude, besides my dick deserves this kinda holster."
"is that right?"
"Yep," Jake looked over and down,"you need the low-riders with them
big freakin' balls you're swinging.'
Mike was sitting there about to step into his briefs. he lifted his eyebrows sort of coy like and looked at Jake,"They fill good in my hands." He palmed his ample sac, gave it a couple of soft gentle lifts. "they love these babies."
"That's why you need these." Jake added, "If women can pad there bras, guys can lift their balls."
"is that what they're supposed to do."
"No padding exactly, just keeps 'em cupped, tight."
"They like the big bulge?' Mike asked. He leaned back, contemplated.
"Exactly, when you sit down, these dudes cup your nuts together even if you got low hangers." Jake added,"trust me,I've caught more than one chick staring down at my crotch." "
"Maybe'I'll give'em a try." Mike added. He boosted his sac again, gently palming it. the briefs he was sporting left nothing to the imagination. He was quite aware of his talents, his gift. "yeah, might be just the thing." He added.
"Works even for those guys with normal size nuts." Jake added.
"Like you." Mike looked directly at Jake, laughed.
"Exactly." Jake said, "and-d," he slowed, "it makes this thing." he grabbed his piece, squeezed, "looks pretty impressive when you walk around in your undies."
'Who's watching that?" Mike asked.
"You never know." Jake said, he joked,"the lucky ones."
"What do you think chicks think about when they look at your crotch." Mike asked,
"you kidding me?" Jake seemed surprised, "you know what they're thinking."
"No, I'm serious, " Mike added, "when they somehow find themselves at eye level with a dude's crotch."
"They start fantasizing."
"Just like dudes and breasts."
"Exactly."
"that's why these puppies. " he snapped his briefs, "they bring out the best."
"Surprised, we're even talking about this." Mike added
"Yeah," Mike added, "this is our bonding moment."
"You got it." Jake said. "they even got sample briefs for you to try on."
"What." Mike seemed surpised,
"Yep, and dressing rooms with mirrors, "you can even go in there with your favorite girl.'
"Do guys go into dressing rooms with women to size up their panties?"
"Well," jake nodded, "I understand your point, but you know our society always has to have a female involved in every choice that relates to a guy's sexuality. Seems stupid, but I dont't mind." He looked at Mike wary, "Why, would that bother you-taking some chick into a dressing room to see if she likes your bulge?"
"Course not." Mike shot back defensively. He wanted to make a point but he wasn't exactly sure how to do it in the context of their talk, "It's just that I wanna be the one to decide how my size shows in a pair of briefs."
"Have it your way." Jake added, "but stop wearing those little boy looking jockeys, like that dude down the way."
Mike turned to look.He found himself at eye level with a not so happy-to-be-talked about guy who had definitely heard them.The last remark couldn't be repeated as the guy threw his jacket over his shoulders, gave them the cold stare and stood his ground.
Nothing more was said.

Sports Crap and the Icebreaker

2009-03-30T03:14:00.000-07:00

Jarod looked over at his friend Mike from the big city out east, then he gazed at Omar, his pal from a small village in India and then on to Kerry, who practically grew up next to him in Fargo, yes Fargo. Not many folks knew people from Fargo, so he and kerry were somewhat celebrities.

"I got a question for you guys? Jarod stated. Managing to move their eyes from the large screen overhead, they looked his way.
"Why is it, that when guys first meet, they always break the ice by mentioning something to do about sports. or maybe some statistic on a sports club?"
"That's a dude's way of measuring up another guy's knowledge," kerry followed, "it's sort of an unspoken ritual, let s' you know if you wanna go any further with the conversation."
"Most guys do it." Omar added, "but maybe not as much in my country."
"Why is that?" Jarod asked.
"To break the ice, like you said." Mike added.
"So why is it that we feel the need to always talk about sports?"
"Because guys don't have as much to talk about as girls?"
"Maybe, it's just that we don't wanna listen to each other. Girls love to talk about crap, anything, they'll start a conversation over the shape of a pencil."
"That's phallic." kerry added.
"You think a chick talking about the shape of a pencil has something to do with the shape of your cock?"
"Penis," Mike added, "we don't say vile words like that in public."
"Penis..?" Omar patronized Mike, "we should only say penis."
"Can we get back to the subject?"
"Hell, I don't know, just seems normal to me. After all, girls can talk about anything, It's a natural. They're more emotional and that brings out more," Omar paused, "you know, like maybe, the color of their hair or their clothes, their shape, dudes just don't talk to each other about it."
"You think we should?" Jarod asked.
"What?" kerry asked, "talk about hair color, clothes, the beautiful bulge in your pants."
"Screw you!" Jarod followed, "I'm trying to be serious."
"I know what you mean." Omar piped in, "guys just don't have the moxy to pull off a first meeting like girls, they have all this machismo crap locked up inside them. We've been taught that sports is a universal male tongue, an icebreaker. I think it's sort of stupid, but I still do it. What else would I say?
"So you think it's impossible for a guy to communicate with another guy the first time without mentioning sports?"
"No, there's other stuff, like politics, disasters, scandals, those could all be first time hits, but for the most part dudes like to talk about sports, it's lazy talk, doesn't require much thought. You can so it instantly.'
"Lets' do this." Jarod suggested, "lets each of us go up to another guy and start a conversation, a new guy, someone we haven't met and let's not use the sports crap to start off."
"I could do that." Omar said, "but I'm not sure about you jocks." He jokingly geared his snideness toward Mike, "especially this guy."
"What." Mike feigned insult, "I'll have you know I almost, now mind you- almost, took a guy to a prom."
"What the fuck..? The three of them looked at him,"you're full of shit and what does that have to do with the question?"
"Well, I had to walk up to him first and introduce myself."
"Dude, did you really do that?" "Kerry asked. There was a long disturbed silence and then Kerry followed, "is this your way of telling us you're gay?" He asked.
"You're bullshittin' us, aren't you?" Omar followed.
"Maybe." Mike said, smiled, "But I made my point."
"Oh...that was fucked up, you need to take some logic, maybe some speaking courses 'cause that made no sense at all." Jarod added.
"You're twisted." Kerry followed.
"Yeah, I agree," Omar followed, He motioned to a rather small framed, effeminate acting guy over by the wall. "You be the first."
They turned back to the screen. For the moment, that was as far as they rectified the conversation on a topic which made them all a little bit uncomfortable.

Question:
What made them uncomfortable? Was it the "Sports Crap talk" as an ice breaker or was it those last moments and the implication of the "gayness" to their talk?

Males: Do fathers Communicate Rites of Sexual Passage to Sons?

2009-03-21T14:52:00.000-07:00

Birds And The Bees 2.0 - For more funny videos, click here

"Meterosexual Male":

2009-03-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

The practice of heterosexual men affecting certain aspects of a feminine or homosexual lifestyle eventually earned the moniker of Metrosexual. A Metrosexual is said to be a straight man in touch with his feminine side, especially when it comes to personal grooming and appearance. A modern metrosexual may not exhibit any homosexual mannerisms at all, and indeed is often considered to be extremely masculine. here's a ggod example:

On a recent visit to a local watering hole, I happened to over hear a conversation, which was so animated that it naturally drew my attention. Four very attractive college guys and an equally attractive young lady were sitting at this table, enjoying their brews and having a raucous conversation on sex and an assortment of issues.

My first impulse was shock when I heard some of the topics they were speaking on. One dude mentioned shaving his balls and then proceeded to survey the other guys, on the subject of "metrosexual" hygiene habits.

One guy said that he had such thick pubic hair that he would trim it, but he never shaved it off and likewise for his balls. Personally, I don’t mind the trimming part, but a male shaving his genital area is altogether out of range for me.

Men are hairy, part of their attraction is their hair, although I know that all out efforts have been made in recent times to portray men as hairless as possible, with the exception of the hair on their heads; however, more recently bald or butch cuts have also been in fad., So who knows?

One might say that the “metrosexual” movement has feminized men. I heard another guy at the table mention the word, “mangina”. Now these are young college guys and that term is a slang used in gay circles. While hese guys may well have been gay, I don’t know, but I just didn’t have that feeling. I just saw them as a group of young guys that were very comfortable with themselves and weren’t particularly concerned about hiding their conversation.

By the way, the young lady with them seemed amused at the whole conversation and then out of the blue proclaimed to the others that "she enjoyed running her hands through her boyfriend’s ample mane around his genitals". At that point they all burst into laughter as it became evident that her boyfriend was sitting beside her, to which another guy added, “Oh yeah, I’ve seen that bush, he’s a real fur ball down there.”

So maybe it’s just more about being comfortable with yourself and it’s legitimate and not some artificial construct based around your ego, then so be it; however, I'll never be comfortable with the idea of a man shaving his genitals..Yuck! What do the reat of ya'll think?

Males Huddled Together?

2009-02-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

What does this Image mean to you?

For the Love of Jack( Opted Title)

2009-02-25T06:01:00.000-08:00

I watched this video, contemplated the message and determined that it needed to be a part of this website. Although. it goes beyond the realms of platonic affection between two males-it deals with some very important themes on male on male interaction, aside from romance.

The two characters, which are explained briefly below, have a scene in which they struggle with dancing with one another, illustrate their admiration for each other on numerous occasions and of course the long kissing scene at the end.Interwoven in this are the beautiful lyrics of "Tell My Father",

a tribute to being a brave man; that,attraction can sometimes move to the erotic or undefinable stage of closeness.

For those Torchwood / Dr Who fans out there, this is for ya'll.

If you know nothing about Torchwood, all you need to know is that Captain Jack is an immortal time traveling agent who goes back in time to the 1940s and meets the real Captain Jack, whose identity he stole after his death. They are attracted to each other and Jack is particularly pained by the knowledge that (real) Jack is going to die shortly after.

In the last scene, when Jack returns to the ballroom to kiss the other Jack, there seems to be so much more to that moment than the erotic. It's a saying goodbye and I see it as much a part of herterosexual emotion of losing a buddy, as it would for a gay man.

The point of this video is to show that straight or gay, people have no choice in whom they love, sometimes the heart does all the work before the conscience can work through it.

"Affection":Christian Slap-Ass from a Buddy.

2009-02-20T11:13:00.000-08:00

Joel had jokingly punched me in the arm, but the dude didn’t know his own strength. It was one of those direct aim, boxer-type punches- you know, the kind with the clenched fist.

I know he probably didn’t intend it, but it did sting a little, I guess that’s because it was unexpected. We were walking home from midterms and both of us had aced the exams. We knew it deep down and I guess we were just about as happy as two buds could get.

We were smiling, throwing fake punches back and forth
when he connected. I grabbed my arm, expecting a little bruising,
but I didn’t want to appear to be a whimp.

“Damn.” I rubbed my arm again, winced a moment, gave him a little frown and then instantly let into a smile. For a moment he seemed concerned that our little play had gone to far. I saw his expression drop a bit, that look of concern that replaced his glee, but it was only a moment.

I shook my head at him, rubbed my arm once more and gave him that disarming smile. That was enough to bring the smile back to his face, but to also let him know that the effect was noticed.

We kept up our talk- happy banter about how we were going to celebrate, what bar we were going to hit, and the chicks that lay await, unaware of our male prowess.

Sometimes we amused ourselves with our perception of our gifts to females. We weren’t all that serious, but behind it all, we did indeed know that second glances were always thrown our way.

Seldom, did we have to strike up a conversation with any female, they were usually the agressors. We liked it that way, however, it also gave us a bit of an ego, not too much, but enough to let them know that we weren’t gonna chase them-they could come to us. Damn straight,.

For the most part it worked. The pleasing combination of personality and maybe just a dash of charm usually attracted any unattached females to us. We didn'’t work that hard, and that was good. It left us time for our friendship. At times, we even ignored their advances, if we wanted the male thing--you know, the so called "bonding", to take precedence.

So, we kept on walking, looking forward to what the night would bring. I turned my head and without notice,I felt this slap on my rear. It was, as my dad used to refer, the old "Christian Slap-Ass" referring to atheletes slapping each other on the ass after a good play.

“What the..?” I turned and looked at Joel, this time a little confused.
“It hurts less back there, right..?” He asked.
“What the hell are you talking about?" I asked
Joel said nothing, just smiled. He was in one of those freaky modes. He always was the prankster and so it made it easy to accept his off the cuff remarks and some of the bizarre moves. This one, I didn’t understand at all.

This was the first time that he'd ever hit me on the ass, in the two years of our "friendship".It felt strange and somewhat uncomfortable with another dude touching me anywhere near my rear, even it was an affectionate gesture,

“Heh”, he shrugged his shoulders, “they do it on the football fields, on the baseball diamonds.”
I didn’t really know what to say, caught unaware by such a simplistic explanation for slapping a guy on his ass.
“You’re full of it.” I preferred to change the subject rather than confront the image of a truth that I knew so well.
“It bothers you?” He asked.

I felt somewhat like a jerk; being so sensitive, but like most males, my enculturation in American society had taught me that males don’t touch, except to extend handshakes or maybe an occasional hug. That’s reserved for females. So it wasn’t that unusual, even with our "bonding", that his moves of “affection” caught me by surprise.

“Do women slap each other on the ass?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he responded, “I think they usually just hug and kiss each other.”
“ Uh..uh...hell no!, I’m not going there.” I was explicit, maybe even a little beligerent in my reaction. I saw Joel move to a straight face. For the next few minutes we walked, saying nothing. The silence had crept in. It sort of felt like our high had just been sapped. Truth be told, I felt like a jerk but,I didn’t know what to say.

Finally, I made the first move.
“Just don’t do it around other guys.” I implored.
“How ‘bout the girls?” he asked.
“As long as they don’t think I’m...you know,” I hesitated, “like that..”
Joel smiled. He had that little smirk back on his face. I looked at him.
“You got four brothers.” I added, “you’ve got an up on the horseplay. No one in my family expresses themselves that way, at least not that I know.. It’s gonna take some getting used to it.”
I thought about it for a moment. God, what did I just say? I think I just set myself up for getting slapped on the ass again. Joel said nothing.

When we reached the house, I was in front of him. As I was about to walk up the steps,, I turned to him, smiled and said,
“Don’t you even think about it.”
He laughed and in our communication, I knew that he understood. I think that I’d just overcome a hurdle for most males, not so much the ass slapping, but the “affection’ that could exist in another male’s touch.

When we got to the top of the stairs, as I was about to unlock the door, I looked at him again.
“You got that look on your face, you’re up to something.”
He just smiled,
“Just get in the door,” He said.

Male Fantasies:Do Males Express Them to Other Males?

2009-02-04T03:20:00.000-08:00

After initiating my research on this topic, I soon recognized the futility of delving into the particulars of male to male communication with each other, specifically “how they communicate their fantasies to other males”. Any attempt to uncover specifics on men’s dreams, aspirations, in particular ‘fantasies’ and how they convey them to each other, proved futile.

While there is a great deal of research on the broader subject of the limitations of male to male interaction in our society, when I introduced the keyword “fantasies”,it would inevitably lead to male sexual fantasies about women.

That didn’t help me. I realize that men do indeed, from time to time, discuss sexual fantasies about women, the degree of which probably has a lot to do with the amount of alcohol consumed at the time. There seems to be an absence of research on the topic of male fantasies in general, in particular-non-sexual fantasies, and how males communicate these fantasies to other males.

So the question remains, “do males share their fantasies with each other? I know that women do, but I've never asked or heard mention of any guy talking to another in explicit detail about his nonsexual fantasies, in general. So is this unique among females?

Steve Biddulph, in his book “Manhood.” tells a story about two families who interact over a long period of time with one another and are supportive in a mutual way. Their lives intermingle as they become an extended family over the course of thirty years. They essentially take care of each other and each family is like one cohesive nucleus, bound to the other through experience and genuine camaraderie.

Unfortunately, one of the families has to move. Upon departing,the men show very little emotion and go into their shells when the time comes in an almost detached way, refusing to emote on the sorrow of their parting. Once gone, the men no longer communicate while the women continue their friendship.

This is typical to men. Men are trained not to feel. Men become successful professionally by burying, rather than expressing their emotions. Whether it is the soldier in Iraq who has to kill and watch his buddies die and still continue the mission, or the doctor who has to operate on a child with cancer, or a Wall Street trader who makes money specifically by not reacting emotionally to the volatility of the markets, men are trained to deaden their emotions. Suddenly, when they come home, their wives want them to talk and they are at a loss as to how.

One of the reasons that men struggle so much in expressing their feelings is that, despite the increase in the number of mens groups over recent years, we still live in the shadow of our fathers' generation; a generation which knew hardship like many of us will never know. These were men who - and I know I generalize here - had a 'stick your chest out and get on with life' attitude. No wonder then that we still take on some of these characteristics. We haven't known any different.

Most of us have never had fathers who have been good role models. We are deeply traumatized by the fact that when we were a little toodler looking at life, many of us could never see Dad as our hero, a man who could do everything. And so we too stick our chests out and continue the charade that 'she'll be right mate' when deep down we're often part of the lonely crowd, with people all around us but no one who really knows us.

God designed men to be in relationships with one another, not just with our wives and our children. Sadly, that’s less and less the case these days. An article last year from Best Life magazine stated that “in the last two decades, men have shed nearly half their male friendships.” Between working long hours and spending time with their families, men today are often just too busy to make time for their buddies. So this does indeed imply, that sharing “fantasies’ is well beyond the pale of men’s emotions.

First, men need to learn to communicate with one another in a loving and affectionate way that is the staple of friendship. They need to throw away the concerns of being perceived as ‘gay’ if they become to close, share to many secrets, dreams, aspirations and yes, indeed ”fantasies"..”

The Preachers Sons

2009-01-12T02:40:00.000-08:00

Josh came up to Billy his classmate on a bright Sunny October day. He was feeling great, and a little more than generous in his moves to bring about his classmate. Both were the sons of local preachers.

Billy, a more laid back kind of kid, freckled with a country boy kind of appeal stood nearly a half foot taller than Josh. Who knows was race he was, but his skin was olive complexion and seemed to glow when the sun passed over him. His classmates definitely threw looks his way.

In the same vein, Josh was a little shorter than Billy, heavily muscled for a eighteen year old and was a star athlete at school. He was a little more outgoing than Josh but well liked and known for his smile.

On the surface, both boys didn't seem that different. Although their physical appearances were in direct contrast, one built more like a lithe cyclist with toned legs and a thin but tight frame, the other, a model of youthful weightlifting, but not to an excess. Both carried themselves well and so it was odd on this particular day, that two kids who rarely spoke to each other, ended up in the same hallway, at the bottom of a stairwell, looking directly into the eyes of the other.

Josh was the son of a Unity Church Preacher, one of the more progressive churches in the town of Columbus, and Billy was the son a Pentecostal Preacher, much more evangelical in both morality and lifestyle. You get the picture!

"My name's Josh", he extended his hand to Billy.
"Billy" came the reply. he reciprocated the move.
"I'd like to invite you to my church, Billy."
"What?" Billy looked surprised.
" An invite, "Josh smiled, "to my church."
"Why?" Billy asked "You know my dads a minister?"
"Same here." Josh responded, " I just thought it might be interesting."
"Well," Billy hesitated, " I don't know.."
"Just come a take a look. It might be a different experience." Josh pushed, "then I'll come to yours."
" I can't commit now. " Billy felt the need to explain, "you know we worship totally different than ya'll."
"It doesn't matter. Just check it out." Josh had made the first move. He was a little jittery but better it.
" Give it some thought." Josh added. "See ya later"
With that he was off and before Billy could completely grasp the meaning of the invitation, Josh had skirted the stairs and was out of sight.

Several weeks went by. Josh hadn't run into Billy in the hallways or anywhere on the school grounds, but he'd also been busy and that wasn't that unusual. So it was with mixed emotion, a combination of resignation and surprise that came over him when Billy appeared at the doors of his church one Sunday. The sun was shining brightly and Josh had to admit that Billy looked resplendent in the tailored suit and tie as he came through the door. He noticed him at once.

All smiles, he moved quickly through the crowd to his schoolmate.
"Welcome." He extended his hand.
"Thank you for the invite." Billy seemed a bit tense, unsure, but not overwhelmed. He looked around at the casual dress and the frequent banter and clip-clap of small children running about. Josh could see a look of confusion, maybe even a disorientation in his look.
" It's a bit noisy before the service." Josh offered.
" I can see that." Billy didn't mean it offensively, but that's how it played out in his mind as a melee of adults and kids meandered about him.
" let's go grab a seat." He offered.

Within moments the two had taken a seat in the balcony, a place Josh believed would be more comfortable for Billy's first visit. The service began and with a joyful overtone ran its course, until ending in less than an hour. Josh had sat silent through the entire service. Upon exiting the balcony and on the way down, Billy decided to purse the question.
"Well, what did you think of the message."
"Masturbation." Josh sort of smiled, but he could tell Billy was confused. "We would never mention that word in our church."
"Why is that?" Josh asked.
"It's just one of those things. Evangelicals don't talk about it." Josh paused, "I can't believe you guys are that open."
"Did you catch the context, not just the word." Billy asked.
"Yeah, young guys our age masturbating to magazines, kids fornicating before marriage,
teenage girls getting abortions, guys wearing jeans that show crack, grabbing their crotches...wow." Billy was smiling, "this was a total change for me."
"Like I say, those were examples in the larger context of the message." Billy added
"But Masturbation?" Billy looked closely at Josh.
"We all do it. " Wow, that was a shocker as they exited the church. Billy stopped for a moment, his face a movement in surprise. Slowly, he extended that warm smile.
"Can we go somewhere and talk? Billy asked.
Josh said nothing, but gestured Billy over to his car, directly at the back of the lot. On the way there, he paused.
"I know a good place."

"

The Locker Room

2008-08-15T01:54:00.000-07:00

Jake looked over to see that once again Perry had turned away from the group of guys clustered around the various lockers close to him. He bent over, quick to slip his shorts off his athletic body. His shirt came next. With this, Jake glanced over a well defined chest and pecs with substantial abdominals. Not bad. he thought to himself, but it still puzzled him why Perry dressed and undressed so quickly, sometimes ignoring the shower completely.

Perry was his best friend and it recently occurred to him that he had never, in all these years seen his buddy naked, Well, to tell the truth, he’d seen his backside or seen him run rapidly toward the old pond and jump in, but he always waited until the last minute and then he was off, hitting the water before any substantial evidence of his nudity revealed itself. Getting out of the water, he always did the same thing.

On road trips, he always found a way to sequester himself in a corner or drop his shorts in the most inconspicuous moment and when others were turned away. In a hotel room, he almost always entered the bathroom to even change his shirt. He always took his briefs and sometimes more into the bathroom and exited, sometimes, fully clothed.

They had been in a shower together, but the times when that occurred were forced, as in, no other choice and close quarters or small showers made it necessary for them to shower together.

Recently, while camping Jake awoke early and headed toward the camp showers to find Perry in the last moves of dressing. When Jake entered unexpectedly, greeted Perry with his usual joviality, his bud had acted shocked, even intimidated and immediately threw a towel around himself, even though Perry’s view was obstructed.

What about this? Some kind of paranoia? Jake didn’t understand. Did Perry have some kind of birth defect? Did he have a small dick? Were his balls mangled? Was he uncircumcised? As silly as it might seem, these questions came to him, concerning his childhood buddy.

The whole thing was strange. Could Perry think he might be gay and not want to confront him? All this crap was mounting in his mind when he decided to take another approach. He walked up to Perry who was quickly slipping his briefs on.

He stepped to Perry’s side which caused him to jump a bit. Jake thought that weird, nevertheless he teased.
“Nice ass,” he joked, out of ear shot of the rest of the guys.
“What?” Perry’s response was instantaneous. He was mortified. He looked at Jake, his mouth somewhat agape as if Jake had just informed him that he was about to butt-fuck him. It was crazy. Something within Jake wanted to laugh hilariously out loud and the other part of him wanted to scream at his buddy, get some answers, but he chose to stay on face.
“You got the serious rump going.” Jake was smiling.
“Fuck you.” Perry sneered and turned away, sliding his shorts on in one rapid fire motion. He had to sit down to tie his shoes and he also did this in a quick need-to-get-out- of- here way.
“What’s your problem?” Truth be told. Perry’s actions were irritating him. As of late he seemed more jumpy than he’d ever seen him.
“What-is-your- problem?” He emphasized once again, after receiving no response.
“I ain’t got no problem.” Perry followed, “I’m in a hurry.”
He paused, “I’m serious Jake. I gotta go.”
“Why you always rushing?” Jake asked, “turning away from me and the other guys when you dress. I mean...what’s the deal?” I was speaking quietly so the other dudes couldn’t hear our conversation. I looked over to check and they had parted that quickly. I heard the sound of the last locker closing and the locker room door close. I blocked Perry so he would have to pass by me before he could leave.
“Why?” He scowled. “You wanna see me naked?”
“What?” I was exasperated at that point. Perry was turning this into a lot more than it was. I just wanted to know the deal. I didn’’t give a damn about seeing Perry naked although I have to admit, he was a fine looking dude, but he was also my friend.
“Damn Perry.” I wanted to calm down, think straight, not say something stupid. “We been friends since we were kids and I ain’t never seen your body.” I clarified, “I mean..close up.”
“Is that important to you.” Perry seemed defensive, “you need to see another dude’s body?”
I was gonna say something else, but decided to tell the truth. after all, this was an innocent thing. It was plain and simple-most guys have seen their buds naked and I hadn’t in all our years together seen Perry completely in the buff. So yeah, I guess it was important.
“Why are you always trying to hide your body/” I asked, “getting dressed real fast, not showering, not ever standing around naked shooting the bull. “ I stopped, decided to add a little humor, “ let your balls hang out. for a while.”
Perry looked at me kinda crazy and then I saw a slow gradual smile developing from his down turned expression.
“I don’t want the guys to think I’m queer.”
“Why would they think that?” I asked, “unless of course you are?” I hesitated, needed to clarify myself, “but that would be okay, regardless.”
“I’m not!” Perry was adamant
“Okay, okay” I put my hands up in a mock gesture of defense. “you’re not queer. so what’s the big deal?” I asked.
“I’ve just never been comfortable naked around other guys.” Perry said.
“I don’t know why.”
“Ease up.” I offered, “there’s probably a couple guys around that are gay, but that’s just a possibility. You can’t stop them from looking at you or think it has a connection to you. I take it as a compliment, besides, I don’t know who that would be anyway.

Perry seemed a little less tense. He threw his towel on the bench, slipped his hands inside his shorts, let them drop, took off his shirt, dropped his briefs and stood there butt naked in front of me.
“Is that better?” He asked.
“Much.” I smiled, let my eyes linger for just a moment. “Dude you got nothing to be ashamed of, you should be proud of that body.You worked for it.”
“Can I get dressed now?” Perry stood there in front of me butt naked, smiling.
“Let’s get outta here.” I said jokingly, “ before someone thinks the wrong thing.”

"Por favor, Do We dance?"

2008-08-10T14:44:00.000-07:00

Jason sat back in the chair, gazed around at the lush lawn, beautiful gardens, landscaped watermills with their vined trellises and thought to himself, how lucky he was. This was his home. He was sitting there with his best friend, a host of not so best, but close enough firends and a whole host of relatives and guests, 250 to be exact. A lot of people for a wedding reception. Most of all he was bored.

The party was in full swing, yet no one had yet ventured onto the elaborate Parkay dance floor laid out beneath the sterling white tent, bordered by a spacious stage where the city's most popular DJ was doing his thing.

The reception was hoppin', people seemed festive and in less than 10 minutes he was on his third drink. Better slow down, he thought to himself. His mother, the alcoholic would be drinking enough for both of them and yes, his handsome step-father in tow, would casually ignore her and go on to be the life of the party.

Jason liked his stepfather, Rand. He loved his sister, whose wedding he had welcomed and he liked her husband. So there you have it. He wasn't mean, grumpy, sad, disoriented(at least not yet) resentful or any other negative attribute. He was one attractive young guy, as were his friends. So why was he sitting there, emotionless, wondering about his life when he should be enjoying his sister's wedding.

"Come on, let's dance." Cally called out to Jason."
"What?" Jason looked surprised.
"Come on bro.." Cally issued, "lets get out there and show them."
"That's what I thought you said." Jason's expression changed in that moment.
"What?" Cally joked, "you're not gonna' dance with me?""
"No I'm not gonna' dance with you." Jason was even surprised at the vehement tone of his reply. This was his best friend, Cally, and yet he felt threatened at that moment.
Why? he couldn't answer that.
Cally puzzled, but willing to let it pass made another attempt.
"We're metrosexuals bro...we do dance."
"Yeah right."Jason turned his head in disgust. For a moment Cally stood there, puzzled, getting increasingly irritated at the put off. Waving the rejection off, he got up. moved from the table and went in search of someone to dance with him. Dude or chick, it didn't matter.

He muttered something as he moved in search of the elusive dancer. It so happened that he did score with a strikingly beautiful petite brunette that he had never seen before. After a couple of minutes of back and forth banter, the two of them headed for the dance floor where they were joined by several others, all of them guys.

I guess the one chick made it acceptable because there had been a reluctance by the other guys. Cally had seen it in their eyes, but when she said okay, they willingly agreed to go up to the stage. A little liquor and a lot of hyped rock and they were at it. It didn't take long before his buds became the focal point of each other, gradually disappearing into the euphoria of Male Bonding.

Jason sat alone at the table, surrounded by throngs of happy people conversing, drinking, eating, doing all the things that party revelers do. He wasn't sad, he wasn't mad, he wasn't sick, in fact he was happy. So why the attitude and why the sudden fear of dancing with his best bud? Cally and he had always danced together, but that was always in private. the very thought of such a public dispaly, maybe even a type of mockery, gave him chills. He chugged another beer.

"So pensive." Jason's new stepfather appeared out of nowhere. He was smiling, handsome as ever. His mother had made a good choice, but then there was the aspect of his "mother." Jason didn't understand it. She was clearly an embarrassment at times, but he let that alone. Now was not the time.
"Why aren't you out there?" His stepdad sat down beside him. He teased, "Cally's waiting on you." This made him even more uncomfortable.
"I don't wanna dance." Jason sort of half wittingly dismissed the comment.
"Oh," His step dad rubbed his chin, smiled, "I think I get it. You don't want to dance because you think someone's gonna' think the wrong thing if you get out there with a dude. Is that it?" He asked.

Jason said nothing. He looked away for a moment then back. The guy had hit the mark. Cally was out there, but he could tell that he had looked over his way a couple of times. Jason's refusal to dance was complicated, at least that's what he thought to himself

"You wanna dance with me?" Rand asked jokingly. Jason looked at him sort of strange. He was joking, but Jason knew that Rand was for real. He'd probably do it and not give a damn. He'd never seen a guy as comfortable in his own skin as Rand. He seemed to have no hangups, women wanted to jump his bones and his guy friends were everywhere. He was a man's man, without all the baggage.

"If it'll help." Rand paused, "I've seen you and Cally together before." Rand offered. Jason gave him a hard stare, mortified at the suggestion. Realizing the implication, Rand moved to correct himself, "dancing." he said. "I've seen both of you. What I can't figure out is why you wanna hide it? Rand slowed a bit, looked puzzled, "that's your best friend. You need to get out there. enjoy yourself."

"Oh well." Rand got up to move, "I'll leave you alone, but.." he joked, "I'm comin' back to bug you in a few minutes if you're still sitting here," he pasued for emphasis, held his champagne glass up and chugged, "we're gonna dance." He added," and I got news for you, I'm a terrible dancer, terrible.." he cringed, "you wouldn't went to be seen with me on the dance floor."

Jason knew better and also knew the lightheartness that bound Rand to others was one of his most powerful assets. If he could endure his mother with her drinking and her carousing, well, he was truly something special.

"Go on out there." Rand pushed the chair in as he left. They had been alone at the table. "Turn on the charm, stud!"

Those last words registered with Jason, gave his self-esteem a giant leap, made his reservations less obvious. He waited a minute while Rand crossed the room. Slowly he got up and so he wouldn't appear to be afraid, after all, this had to look like it was a deliberate decision, he grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing server, chugged it down and made his way for the stage.

As if magic had passed before him, a way was made clear and his bud Cally, who moments before was surrounded by adoring females, danced haltingly, oblivious, in his own world. When he finally looked back, Jason had picked up his step and was into the groove of a Patti Labelle classic. Cally gave him that deep broad smile, the one that can tell a story, the one they often leave behind in the presence of others; it was there, there with the two of them, and they danced, Jason no longer afraid, free, at least for the moment,and it was all so nice. He could see eyes following them and for the first time, he loved it.

Black and White Males-Can They be Friends?

2008-08-01T16:53:00.000-07:00

This topic is more narrowly focused than the larger topic of "male on male friendships" in general. I'm asking a question for a targeted group "black and white males." Another post will explore the larger issue of male to male friendships, and gay to straight males and their viability within our culture. Note: Because the issue is applicable to both sites, this post can also be found at http://www.razingthegrotto.com

When I first approached this topic, I began by going on a hunt for research relating specifically to "Black and White Males-Can they be Friends? I soon found all kinds of variations on this topic, many of them sexual, but none dealing specifically with the question.

Many off shots of the term did generalize about connections between white and black males such as articles by varied authors and a book by Dr. Keith Boykin dealing with "black men on the "down low", the movie, "White men Can't Jump", the "National Association of White and Black Men Together" and all kinds of derivations, relating to their co-existence together. None of it answered the question, "Black and White Males-Can They be Friends".

Some of it went into cultural differences, the sources of conflict between white and black males and various assundry viewpoints and analysis on specific differences, perceived or real. None of my research brought up the exact connection I was looking for. It may be out there, but I couldn't find any non-sexual content that delved into the topic. Perhaps its not racy enough. Perhaps my combination of keywords and phrases was insufficient to carry the topic. Maybe the topic is too complex to be narrowed down to specifics.

With that in mind, I'll give you my opinion. Black and White males can be friends if both are willing to throw aside cultural differences and greet each other in the raw. So what does this mean? It means simply that there is no magic to black and white males having meaningful and lasting friendships. As a larger extinction on this topic, it would follow that black and white males have the capacity to show affection toward each other.

Being bi-racial, this issue seems trivial to me, but even today, I witness limited relations between white and black males, save those in which both groups are forced by circumstance to co-exist in a work, educational or social setting; however, living close to a university community, I do see a higher degree of camaraderie between black and white males than exist in the larger demographics of the populace.

In order for white and black males to form lasting bonds and become true friends, both, must work against a history of mistrust which is the framework of separation between the races, in general. Together, they have to embrace commonalities which exist within the gender and not differences which exist in the larger scheme of racial polarity.

If I estimate your value as my friend based solely upon your race, and the inherent baggage from either side, then I'm drawing from a history replete with distrust on both sides. That said, it becomes impossible to move beyond that point if I'm unwilling to see you in a different light. When I begin to see you as a friend and not a white or black friend, simply a friend, then the whole situation changes. Hope exist in that moment and the bonds of friendship are no longer as remote.

This may appear to be a simple generalization in the larger scheme of race relations, between white and black males, but I don't find it that complex. As with any topic, it's possible to break it down into so many academic variables that the simple response seems trite, but the answer doesn't require rocket science. It's simply a question posed to get all of us to think about it. Some questions do have fairly simple answers. I believe this is one of them.

A Coach's "Kiss" "Showing Affection-Can Men do this?

2008-07-27T05:15:00.000-07:00

A Kiss on the cheek? Maybe, a quick peck? well okay in the right context, but kissing as a sign of affection doesn't come naturally with males. Females do it all the time but rarely, even with good friends will you see a male kiss another male in a non-sexual way,as mean of expressing affection.

The photograph that you see here of a coach kissing his son is unigue, and definitely drew a lot of responses both for and against this simple act of affection.In this case it was between father and son, but the coach does it on a regular basis as a habit. Unusual in America? You bet it is. Even as this pic came across the wires, there were males fired up both for and against the implication; that being, the very act of one male expressing his affection for another male in this manner, and having no sexual undertones, was controversial.

Males in the United States and in other countries are socialized against overt expressions of friendship and affection toward each other. although minor and come to be accepted traditions are generally accepted( ie slapping your teammate on the ass as a sign of approval for a goal, quick pecks to the cheek contained within a robust hug, done quickly) There may be others. Point being, accepted norms allows for this in our society in the context of certain situations.One the other hand, lip to lip kissing has never been accepted. Anytime it occurs, you can expect a resounding response, both affirmative and negative.

It shouldn't be that way but it is. In contrast, Certain cultures do it regularly and without a second thought. Europeans....

A "Kiss" on the Cheek and then Trouble.

2008-07-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

"Did you see that?" Regina asked her girlfriend.
"Sure did" Angela replied, " What's that about?
"I don't know, but he's coming in this direction."
"I don't know.." Regina looked puzzled, " Something ain't right there."
"I hear ya." Angela followed
"And he did it out in the open. Ain't he supposed to be straight?"
"I thought so," Angela looked at her friend, "I guess I was wrong."
"Wrong about what?" Chase caught the last remarks between Regina and Angela. Angela looked at him funny.
"Did you just kiss that dude?" She asked.
"Yeah," Angela followed, "since when you start kissing guys?"
"That's my best friend," Chase answered, "That don't mean nothing, a little peck on the cheek."
"Is your friend a fag?" Regina asked.
I don't know, why don't you go ask him?" Chase shot back. The abrupt question made him uneasy."
"You don't know if the dude's a fag?" Regina was spouting, "you just kissed another guy and you don't know if he's..." she hesitated, " a fucking fag!" Her voice was inflamed with vitriol, "That's the same mouth you been kissing me with." She paused, "Fu.. no!"
"What's the big deal?" Chase followed, "it was a little peck on his cheek, nothing to come unglued over. I didn't stick my tongue down his throat." Chase said. "that would be different."
"Oh, it would?" Regina was indignant.
"Yeah, I'd say so." Chase was biding his time but the conversation was a little irritating. "Can we move on to something else? " He asked.
"Hell no!" Regina was in Chase's face. "You always go around kissing dudes?"

Chase had never seen like this before, but they only hooked up for sex. Maybe she imagined more in their relationship. She knew he didn't want that at this stage in his life. This was certainly another side of her that he hadn't anticipated, but it was starting to make sense.

She'd been acting strange the last few days and he thought that maybe, just maybe it was him. Something was definitely on her mind. He couldn't spend every waking moment with her, not with the demands of grad school and the like. Instead, he'd opted to remove himself from the scene, hit the books hard, leave a little time for social,and then back to the grind of academics. This wasn't nothing new. She knew what he had to do to get where he wanted to go and so all the shit coming from her was weighing heavy on his mind. Maybe, he'd made a mistake even dating her. There were plenty out there and God knows he'd been burned before.

Not this time, he thought. He'd acted like a lot of dudes in the past: meet the lady. get the groove in your love life rolling and then forget about your friends. All that had ever netted him was pussy that came with a whole of problems.

It had taken him a while to learn and this time, he'd determined that he wasn't gonna toss his friends aside, to satisfy that craving in his loins. Besides, he'd always been affectionate with his close pals, girl or guy. That's how he was raised. His family was like that, hugging and kissing a lot.. especially ones he hadn't seen in a while. So all this shit about "fag' was off the cuff.

He didn't go around givin' dudes pecks on their cheeks all the time, but did so every once in a while, especially when a long time had elapsed between seeing them. which was the case here. It seemed so natural to him.

Italian men were always running around kissing each other, sometimes on both cheeks. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. A lot of his people, his race, were a trip, always paranoid, always wary of any male to male expressions of friendship or affection, save that machismo shit, that front that the brutha's put on, when in reality, all they really wanted to do was slap their buddie's ass just like them baseball players.

A little peck on the cheek and then trouble. Screw that. Chase was his own man, secure in his sexuality, knowing that deep down their could be hidden feelings that could exist between two friends and not necessarily be erotic. He'd known that a while back. Everybody else was behind the eight ball on this one. So, in his usual fashion he decided to take matters into his own hands.

Regina, with her friend Angela beside her, had decided to double team him, call him out on something that really wasn't any of their business. The more he thought about it, the more it incensed him. He'd deal with it his own way. His mounting doubts about Regina had been confirmed and now it was time to be decisive. He shrugged his shoulders, smiled and turned away. It was time to go.

"I'm outta here." he said.
They both stared at him, the silent fury building within. This was a messed up situation and one that Chase knew he couldn't recover from, so why even attempt to do so. He had choices and this was one that he was going to do right. He dialed the number.

"What the fu..you doing?" Regina screamed at him. "calling your fag homie..?
Chase looked at her, careful to not let the anger escape him. He shook his head and kept on walking. Regina screamed some profanity at him, in fact she did so the whole way down the street. He tried the number again. This time his buddy answered.

The last time he saw her, she was standing there with Angela, indignant, in her usual princess mode. He gave her a final passing glance as he raced off to hook up with his friend. The books could wait.

"A Summer Passing"

2008-07-20T03:06:00.000-07:00

"Why don't you go fetch your brother?" Jim asked.
"Nope." kyle jokingly defied his dad, "you go get him."
"What?" Jim looked his college age son with surprise. They were close.
"Dad, you want him. You go get him." Kyle was smiling. "He's out by the stalls, besides, Erica's talking to him."
"Is she here already" Jim asked.
"Yep, a few minutes ago."

Jim knew well what that meant. the absence of a mother had brought the three of them closer. Monica had died almost a year ago. In a few minutes, they'd make the journey from their country home to the small graveyard upon that hill, covered by the towering Willows which branched out in abundance.

Monica had a great spot beneath the expanse of a Willow and a massive Oak, where the sun could creep in. She had picked the spot before her death. The breast cancer had worked its course. Despite the remission, it's return and the subsequent chemo, she had been weakened. At the end she was tired, ready to rest, but smiling.

They could see her forever smile on that grave, an imprint in their mind that reminded them each time they made their way up that hill, into the silence where she lay, beneath them, resting, waiting to meet up with them again some day.

"We should go visit your mom." Jim said.
"Can we take Erika." Kyle asked. "You know how much she loved mom."
"Sure." Jim thought the world of Monica's friend. When Monica had died, Erica had become a second mom to them, spoiling them with her frequent visits and the endless array of dishes that awaited them in the fridge.

Shannon burst into the room:
"Did I hear my name?" He was the younger brother, a bit timid, full of emotion and now deciding if he wanted to leave the farm. Shannon wanted to stay. His dad wanted him to go. College was waiting.

Kyle smiled, stepped over to his younger brother, reached out to him. The embrace came easy. Shannon moved to his dad, did the same. He could see the glaze in his dad's eyes. This was a room full of love that followed them wherever they went. Now, it was there with them, a part of them, folding into the hardened core that separates males, leaves them vulnerable and wanting.

This wasn't the case here and Erica was on her way in to baby her adopted boys. Kyle and Shannon wanted Jim to start dating. The sorrow had been great, the grief extended, but now it was time for Jim to begin again. His happiness mattered so much to them.

As they stepped down from the porch. Kyle realized just how much he loved his little brother and his dad, and yes Erica. Jim and Erica were still inside as they called back to them.

Kyle put his comforting hand on his little brother's shoulder. Shannon turned to look back at him. Quickly, before the other's could see, Kyle forced his brother close to him, planted a small peck on the side of Shannon's face, his right arm still around his shoulder.

Kyle made nothing of the move. This was the norm for them. This is the way they all expressed themselves. They were an emotional family, but more so, a loving trio. Soon Erica could join them. Soon they could make that love the respite from their sorrow.
Monica would want it that way."

" A Post-Softball Crunch"

2008-07-13T03:27:00.000-07:00

Jacob slid into the corner of the booth, his biddy beside him.
There were six of them crowded into that booth in the small
but clean restaurant that served really good food. That's why
they had come. This was the last booth. The place was filled
locals and they had no choice but to take it.

There was barely enough room to move your legs and with six
hirsute guys, ranging in age from twenty seven to thirty eight,
it was a stretch. They had just played softball together and won.
They were hungry and if any of them could read the other's minds,
some of them were probably horny.

Sports always makes you horny. Well...sometimes!

The girls weren't with them during these times. These were guy
moments, away from the necessary coddling, unwanted diversions
and the overall feminine mystique which required guys to
act like they enjoyed "feminine type" pursuits.

Nope, this was their time and damn if they wouldn't make the best
of it. There would naturally be the beers, without the distraction
of girlfriends, lovers and wives, who would always inform them that
three was enough. Not tonight. First the food and then the
booze.

Jan, the dude beside Jacob, twisted to try an reach an itch in the
center of his back. It was nearly impossible and his frustration
was showing as they pushed closer to each other, legs touching,
cramped into that booth. They were so close they could feel the
warmth of their bodies pressed together.

"Here." Jacob reached behind Jan's back with his hand. "Where's the itch?"
"What?" Jan looked surprised.
"Where's it itch?" Jacob asked, "you want me to scratch your back or not?"
"Sort of in the center." Jan offered. "right below the shoulder blade."

Jacob began the slow methodical rub across Jan's back. He could feel
his Buddy's back buckle and his expression immediately change as
the sensation relived the anxiety of the itch.

"Thanks," Jan said.
"Anytime." Jacob smiled.
"You're good at that," his other buddy, Sam offered,
"I got something you can scratch."
"You got that right." Jacob looked over at his bud,
"That's all it would take is a scratch."
"Fuck you!" Sam countered, "how would you know?"

Jacob smiled as the other guys waited, rapt with attention.
He tried to sound serious. The others listened in.
"You must know, girls tell everything."

Sam's face seemed to turn ashen in that moment. His happy face
went south and all of a sudden he was uptight. He looked at
Jacob and he wasn't happy.

"Come on guy." Jacob opportuned, "I'm just joking."
"No you're not," David, another friend chimed in. "you mean it."
He started to prod the others, "tell 'em the truth Jake."
"What?" Jacob looked surprised, caught unaware of the lead,
Sam looked serious, slightly withdrawn, puzzled.

"Tell 'em what we heard." David continued, "about his ity-bitsy-
teensy-" he stopped, pushed two fingers together for effect.
"He's just shitting you." Jan offered, seeing that Sam wasn't amused.
It was strange though, how such an jokingly innocent statement
could cause him such concern.

I'm sure they all thought that. Maybe they even thought there might
be some truth to it, judging from Sam's reaction.
"Okay, okay, I get it." finally Sam opened up, turned off his dour face
He looked at David.
"You wanna scratch my back, don't you?"

That was the last laugh before they ordered. That short exchange had
revealed so much about the insecurities of males around each other,
What was just a simple jostling took on added meaning when it
questioned a guy's endowment or virility.

And to what gain?

Original Poetry: "Laylords of Summer"

2008-07-12T03:46:00.000-07:00

Please Note: This piece also appears on my social issues blog
http://www.razingthegrotto.com
It follows thematic consistency in the idea of a group of guys together,
at times touching, but more, in the emotions that flow between them.

They sit on the banks where a mighty river once flowed
and cry the tears of so many wrongs.Their bodies are
tanned, darkened to bronze, like taffy that flows in luxurious
waves. They stretch their already knowing forms to receive
the cool mist that rises.

They must extend further this year,
The end of a great satisfaction is near.

They relax in the felled patterns of lazy summer
wearing. Clothed, in the nonessentials they lay beside
the other’s dream and speak of unkept treaties that
ravage the splendor where they once banked,
and speak in hushed tones that catch the air and fall on
silent ears.

They have seen the mighty river flow,
The mighty Colorado.

For a brief reminder, they imagine that the river rises :
that they can feel the flush of foam as it spews into the
treacherous ravines, leaving them awe inspired: so much
desired of the times when caution would move them back
up the banks.Now, they challenge what little is left of its
might.

If they return next season the river will be to low,
Destiny plays folly on their plans: takes bounty
on the dreams that flow.

Dark feet rub toes together to catch whatever it is,
before it is no more. They rush the moments of
simple pleasure: each outdoing the other in their
remembering. They touch ,feel the ephemeral
wash that has caught them daydreaming. They stretch for more.

This will be the last of the summers haunt,
beneath the towering wings that cover them
and pull together the shade. The last of something
that man has destroyed, that nature made.

Each holds back the tear that glazes from knowing
eyes. They put together their memories,
and signal,
their last goodbyes.

"Homophobia and the Trenches:The Dirty on Perceptions

2008-07-11T03:08:00.000-07:00

" I just don't want some guy that close to me" Percy offered.
" With a name like...P-e-r-c-y..." you won't have to worry about it." Sam countered, his face drawn up in a smirk.
"Fuck you!" Percy forcefully hit back, "What kind of a fucking name is Saaaam! ....." he smiled, "oh yeah, son of Saaam.." he kept on with the tease, "Come here...Saaam." "Where are you," he laughed, paused for effect, "Saaaam" "Wash these dishes...Saaam."
His face was lit up like a clown, big pearlies glowing in the heat of the noon day sun, a smile that could stretch to forever, soft poutty lips that were pink like cotton candy.
He licked them a lot. At least he'd been caught by his buddies on more than one occasion savoring the taste of his own pucker..
"That sure is good....Saaam". His buddy let out a roar. Sam was forced to concede. to laugh with his buddy.
"Percy sounds like some kinda dessert." Sam changed modes, tried to look like he was pondering an essential of life, "it's soft, sorta creamy sounding." Percy looked at his friend with amazement. Since their meeting several years ago, this was their way of reaching out to each other.
The playful tease was their game and they did it often, all in the sense of the communion that existed between them.
"All right...all right," Percy stopped to catch his breath, the love for his buddy caught in each exhale, "back to the point."
"What point was that?" Sam teased.
"I don't wanna be hunkered down in a hole with some dude thinking 'bout how sweet my ass is..you know what I mean." Percy studied his friend.
"Would you?" He asked his buddy, leading him, "I know you're some kinda liberal, but come on tell the truth." Percy was baiting his bud again.
Sam twisted his head, exaggerated the motion, bent back, looked at his buddy's backside, "Um..m"
"Yeah right!" Percy jumped on the implication. Sam was all smiles. "Ain't nothing," he looked at Sam, a broad sneer spread across his darkly tanned face, "you hear me, ain't nothing going near this." He rubbed his hands across his ass, "it's there for the essentials and that's it." His smirk was definitive yet teasing as he toyed on the taboo.
"Man, you're paranoid." Sam said, "you think every gay dude is out for you."
"They are." Percy came back, "they look at you to!" He waited for effect, knowing his buddy wouldn't let the comment go unchallenged.
"No..." Sam shook his head, "you ain't gettin' me wrapped up in your problem."
"It ain't no problem," said Percy.
" Sounds like it... Jemima mouth" Sam always called his buddy this when he indulged in the hood linguo.
" Sounds racist to me."Sam kidded.
" Yeah..right, When's the last time you saw a black man that was racist against his own?" Percy asked, jokingly.
" Happens everyday." Sam said, But back to the issue of the guy in the hole with you thinking about your booty." He liked to bait Percy."
"You know black men are paranoid about gays." Sam said. Percy looked incredulous. His smile turned sour. Sam kept going, "well, it's true, way more than whites."
"It's not a white or black issue" Percy countered, "it's about my ass being watched and some guy hunkered down in a trench with me or anywhere close, and he's thinking about what he can do to my ass."
Sam smiled. once again, in an exaggerated motion, turned back as though looking at Percy's ass. He said nothing. He just wanted the rise from Percy.
This was their little bit of banner, as close as it got, this was their bonding. Percy noticing Sam's acting out, smirked, turned away half-heartedly disgusted at his buddy's attempt at humor on him. Percy started to walk away. Sam ran up behind him, gave a quick squeeze to his bud's ass and moved off quickly. The last thing anyone saw was Percy chasing Sam down the carnival walkway, swearing, his ass still virgin, still his own.
" I know you liked it," he yelled back.
After all. boys will be boys, if we let them.