presto!

All through my younger days, I wanted so badly for there to be magic formula or pill that would help me sprout muscles in an instant. I had this vision of myself swaggering into choir class–as if anyone could swagger into choir!–with my arms and legs bursting from my clothes.

Instead I played a lot of video games, guitar, and did a whole lot of hanging out. I also ate a ton of candy and drank soda like it was water. A lot of the coaches and some of my friends who were more muscular told me I was a “hardgainer.” That’s someone who can’t seem to put on weight or muscle no matter what they do.

I assumed it was true. It was easier that way. I didn’t have to work hard and I could pretend that there was nothing I could do about it. Like just about everything in life, it’s easier (and more natural, some might say) to talk and wish than to take action.

In the last few years I’ve gotten a lot more serious about my strength training, as you know if you’re a regular reader. And I know that some of you regular readers are ironheads like I am, so I would like to quickly share what I’ve learned about building muscle in the last year. I’ve put on over 30 pounds of lean mass since September of 2009. The funny thing is, it wasn’t hard! It wasn’t a magic pill, but it doesn’t feel like it took much more effort than a pill would have.

The best way to build muscle, according to the anecdotal evidence of yours truly, rests on these three points:

1. Eat!

Really muscular people have a different relationship with food. Lots of guys who try to pack on weight think they are eating a lot. But if they could see what some of the bodybuilders eat, they would realize how wrong they are.

I generally eat between 4,000 and 6,000 calories a day. I drink about half of that. The greatest thing ever is this shake:

• 16 oz of whole milk
• 1.5 cups of oats
• a banana
• some protein
• peanut butter

Each shake is about 1100 calories. You have to eat or you can’t grow. It’s that simple.

2. Lift more weight

The only major thing I changed in my lifting was to focus on how much I lifted during a session. The total pounds lifted during a workout. Once I quit worrying about how much weight was in my hands or on the bar or how big of a kettlebell I was using, things got a lot easier for me. Whether I trained for 10 minutes or 100, I just tried to make sure that I lifted more total pounds each session than the one before it.

And I got bigger and then some.

3. Sleep sleep sleep

This is the hardest one for me. I have a toddler, I have Tourette’s, and I love caffeine. I’ve always been a night person. I don’t like to go to bed. But there is no denying that I have made my best progress–both physically and mentally–when I am getting 8-10 hours a night. Lots of guys are able to do #1 and #2, but they leave out sleep. If you don’t rest as much as you can, you won’t grow as much as you can. You can still make progress–I have–but not the maximum possible, or so my legend goes.

Is this new, earth-shattering news? Probably not. But it works. It really does. Are any of you training specifically to gain weight right now? How is it going?

Josh

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The ever-angsty and tediously undead Edward Cullen appeared at my window last night requesting that I interview him. I said no. Then he wouldn’t leave and he began to weep with an irritating fervor that only hardened my resolve. But he still wouldn’t leave. I was finally annoyed (and tired) enough that I agreed to ask him two questions, provided I got to choose the questions. He agreed. Below is the text of the interview. At the end, in the comments, please ask Edward additional questions and I’ll forward them.

Josh: Why are you always such a big baby?

Edward: I do not know. I would have it otherwise, but then of course…it is not otherwise, you are correct. My heart yearns for the drug which…you see, abs and lips and sparkles are nice but…but the yearning. The longing. It is as if…but…boo hoo hoo.  Boo hoo hoo. I vant…I vant…

Josh: What are you talking about? Why are you such a big baby?

Edward: I am a sad big baby because I am. (sniffles) But thank you, ’tis a relief to finally admit it. The charade has gone on for far–

Josh: ‘Tis,” huh?

Edward: Yes, ’tis. But as I said, the charade has–

Josh: Yeah, that’s enough.  Okay, do you hereby admit, on the record, that as vampires go, you are 100,000,000 times less desirable than Count Chocula?

Edward: I do. I do indeed. You could multiply that number by a factor of 19 million (he pronounces this milliooooon for some reason) and it would still be true.

Josh: I thought you might. Now get out of here. Go back to Hot Topic. No, wait a second…can I ask one more question?

Edward: You may.

Josh: You’re on team Jacob, right?

Edward: Oh yes. Ohhhhhh yes. May I have a hankie?

Josh: You may not. I don’t vant to give you one.

THE END

When the interview ended, Edward turned and zoomed away into the night, but not before I saw that he was wearing Hello Kitty berets in his hair, which complimented his sagging maroon stirrup-pants. Edward, if you will come back, I will give you three free kettlebell lessons.

Do you have a question for Edward?

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This is a guest post from Todd Boyer

It was like a scene in “A Christmas Story” — 9 year old Ralphie runs to the mailbox after school, hoping to find his “Little Orphan Anny” decoder ring. Then one day it arrives! Ralphie tears open the package as he runs to the one room in the house where a man can find privacy.

There was a time when I subscribed to nearly a dozen magazines. Every month I would receive in our mailbox various car magazines, gun magazines, bodybuilder magazines, etc. Not to mention the ones that I’d pick up at the grocery store every week. Each one a source entertainment, and information. Plus they gave me something to contemplate while in the “reading room”.

The pattern was always the same. The beginning was to thumb through the pages–looking at the pictures and getting a feel for the issue. Next, I’d read the articles that caught my eye. This was then followed by a more thorough reading of the other parts as time permitted.

When finished, one of two things would happen. If there was an article that I would likely come back to, I may keep the whole issue, and in some instances I’d cut the article out and insert it in a 3-ring binder. More often than not, it would end up in the garbage (this was pre-recycling).

One day I had what you might call a revelation—the overall majority of what I found in magazines was complete and utter s***! The beauty part was that I was paying for it to be delivered to me every month.

My epiphany

It didn’t matter what the subject matter was. The car mags were always hyping the newest gadget that would make your car a tenth of a second faster in the ¼-mile, or add .1G on the skid pad. Even the cars that were on display were nothing more than a list of name brand parts, and who installed them. My gun magazines were always going on about another new product that was coming out that pretty much did the same thing that the last one did, and none of which were as good as the one that John Moses Browning designed a hundred years ago.

There were the occasional nuggets of awesomeness. These were few and far between. Often, there was just enough to keep me coming back month after month. You would never find any objectivity though. None of them ever raked the companies over the coals because a product was complete garbage. After all, that could affect their advertising bottom-line.

The fitness and bodybuilding rags were the worst of all. It’s always about the newest supplement that will make you bigger, stronger, or faster. But if you pay attention, these are just one big advertisement, between the paid ads and the suck up ads disguised as articles and reviews.

Of course the fact that none of the claims that they make can be backed up with scientific data is left out. The FDA does not make supplement companies provide proof of their claims. That makes the supplement companies the modern day version of the snake oil salesman.

Some of these supplement companies are even owned by the publishing companies of the magazines. “Take Pill X to increase your squat by 200%”, by the little, teeny, tiny fine print that reads, “Pill X is proudly made by us.” No self-interest found there. Even the bodybuilders and athletes that say that they use these products are spokesman for these companies. Are these a legit source of information if they are being paid for what they say.

Do what Lee Haney does

After I became fed up with paying my hard-earned money for pages of advertisements, it got me to thinking back to earlier times. When I was in high school, just starting out with a regimented exercise routine, all that I had to go by was Pumping Iron, which turns out is a bit of a staged documentary, and the bodybuilding mags.

Every month the magazines would highlight the bicep workout of Phil Heath, or the quad workout of Tom Platz. (These references don’t date me, do they?). When you’re a budding gym rat, why wouldn’t you want to do what they do? After all, these were the best bodybuilders in world, and that’s what I wanted to look like.

What they didn’t tell the readers was that these examples were way too much for the average chump. They were horrible examples of what to do… or not to do. Over training, injuries, poor results—these were the results for many that followed their advice.

Still, all these magazines are still published, and purchased. Even better still, there are even more around.

Buyer beware

Don’t get me wrong. The mags are still entertaining. While I don’t subscribe to any magazines anymore, I do pick them up occasionally at the store, or when I’m traveling. I would just caution you to be wary about the information that you read there.

We have to be guarded about information received no matter where it’s coming from. Websites, blogs, etc. will potentially have a more honest review, or advice. But keep an eye on their motivations as well.

At PhitZone we use affiliate advertisers. I selected them based on two things; do I use them, and am I satisfied. If I think something sucks, I won’t peddle that crap. If you look in the archives, you can find our honest reviews. Some are good. Others might be bad. I have ripped products to shreds, in addition to going on about my man-crush on others.

It’s all about integrity. As bloggers, we value our readers above all else, even before making a buck. Can the magazines say the same?

About the author:

Todd Boyer is the creator of Phitzone, where he blogs about fitness, nutrition, and more.

Nobody rushed Leonardo

This is part 3 in a series. Read Part 1 and Part 2.

You can’t do very much reading about creativity without bumping into Leonardo Da Vinci. In the last month I’ve read a couple of books about him, and what I didn’t know was unsurprisingly profound, although I had thought I knew the broad strokes.

One of the most interesting things I read concerned his work habits.

When I was trying to gear up to write my book, as I’ve mentioned, I read a lot about how to write. No question surfaced more frequently than “How much should I write every day?” As if there was an exact answer. Of course, pretending there was an exact answer allowed me to keep stalling as I searched for it.

Leonardo would sometimes work for many, many hours in a row. This pleased his well-paying patrons immensely. But at other times he would put down his brush and vanish. This did not please his well-paying patrons quite as immensely. Sometimes he would stare at a painting without ever touching a brush. Sometimes he would work for a couple of strokes and then leave.

When they asked him what he thought he was doing skipping out on the party, he would basically tell them that you couldn’t schedule his genius. Sometimes he needed to be in front of the work-in-progress, sometimes he needed to be away from it. Sometimes working for two days straight without a break produced results, sometimes it would have been counterproductive.

My own habits

That whole “I-know-when-I-should-be-working” thing sounds wonderful to me, but I’ve never been able to make it work. So far nothing produces results for me like daily writing. I don’t do word counts or time limits. Some days I might only write 100 words on a break at work, but then there are days when I will bang out 4,000 without giving the clock a second thought.

If I get out of the habit, I feel like I lose it. I don’t yet (if I ever will) have the confidence to step back and know that I will realize that it’s time to jump back in.

What about you? Whatever your artistic endeavor, what are your habits like? Are you a Leonardo? Do you need consistency to stay creative?

Josh

PS: For a quite-insane look at the creative need in novel form, I highly recommend that you read my book review of The Gargoyle.

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When I was a child I loved Roger Hargreaves’ Mr. Men and Little Miss books more than just about anything. Now, as an adult with the heart of a child–or the mind of a child as my arch-enemies might tell you–I love them even more. They were so simple, but so good. I know, good is a pretty generic term to toss out there when reviewing a book, but it’s good enough for me in this case.

I’ve been grabbing these books again at the library and leafing through them on breaks. My new favorite will not surprise you: Mr. Strong.

Here is the “plot.”

Mr. Strong is so strong that he breaks things without meaning to. This causes problems for him and others. But by the end of the book his strength has also helped to solve a problem. In a book this brief I can’t tell you anything else without venturing into spoiler territory.

Each one of the Mr. or Misses books focused on one character. Each character had an adjective or trait that defined them, right down to the way they looked. Some more than others–Mr. Messy was just a big pink scribble.

I love the art in these books. I love the stories, brief as they are. I’m not one for moralizing, but the morals in these stories are great. Pointing out that being grouchy can have its downside is a far cry from the heyday of Victorian literature where every pregnant women who conceived out of wedlock eventually died.

Did you ever read these books? Did you have a favorite? Who’s up for some nostalgia?

Josh

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