Somehow I made it through my English degree, and most of my adult reading life, without reading anything by John Updike. I’d hear his name spoken in hallowed and scornful tones, everywhere that readers gathered, and still I just never got around to reading anything by him.

Last week I read Rabbit, Run and In The Beauty of the Lilies. I loved Lilies and thought Rabbit was obnoxious in too many ways to count.

The man wrote a ton of books. Before I jump into another one, I’d love to know if any of you can recommend a good starting point. Any you’ve loved by Updike, or that you would recommend avoiding?

thanks!

Me, post-op

One week ago I went into the doctor to get a mole checked out. Right above my left eyebrow. “Our priority is to save as much of your face as possible.”

Today I just got done getting some of my face peeled off with a blade. Then the wound was set a cracklin’ with a cauterization tool that I can still smell.

I have the beginnings of what will be a fantastic black eye, due to the yanking and poking of the stitches right over my left eye. I will also have a good scar.

You know what the worst part was? Not the numbing, the surgery, the worry, the waiting, or the stitches. Nothing was worse than the stupid chair they sat me in, which was surely designed for Tyrion Lannister.

“Is that better?” they would ask after adjusting the footrest or headrest.

“No.”

“How about this?”

“It’s not going to get better unless the chair gets bigger. Please just chop me up so I can leave.”

And

But it’s behind me, unless it comes back. Turns out it was all benign. But my doctor was very good at phrasing it in ominous, vague terms, unless I was just overreacting and heard the wrong things.

Thanks to all of you who have listened to me worry and fret for a week leading up to this.

Off to see The Avengers and hide my hideous Pinhead face in the dark.

Hi everyone, I’m just testing to see if everything is working out on the new server. Will one of you please comment so I can see that this post went through?

Actually, let’s make this the comment, so everyone who wants to can jump in:

for you guitar players–do you have a good recommendation for an electric guitar between $100-$300?

Back to business as usual tomorrow.

Hey everyone, this week I’m going to be moving everything onto a dedicated server. This blog is now at the limits of what my shared hosting plan can handle and it’s starting to get taken offline more often than I’m happy with.

As these things rarely go smoothly, I wouldn’t expect seamless performance here this week, as I’ve no doubt that I’ll manage to wreck everything.

Cross your fingers!

You there!

I recently did an interview for the growing-like-crazy BlogcastFM, which is run by a friend of mine, Srinivas Rao. BlogcastFM is a radio-type show with bloggers.

If you’d like to hear what my voice sounds like when I’m very tired, here’s the interview.

Srinivas is a good interviewer. We talk about the book deal, blogging, a few tweaks to get more traffic, Tourette’s, public speaking, and more. And a good time was had by all.

Enjoy! Or if you want to stay here and you are wondering what I’ve been reading:

The Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe

A Man in Full (also by Wolfe)

The Novel by James Michener

Waiting for Godot by Beckett.

Last week was a good reading week!

Josh

Okay everyone, I’ve started a biker club. We’re called The Yams.

As a reader, you’re already a member, but we need a motto. So far, the only suggestions I’ve heard are:

Yams forever, forever yams (YFFY)

and:

actually that’s the only one so far.

Who’s on it? Whoever comes up with the winning slogan gets to be my Vice President in charge of doing wheelies.

Today I am setting us an impossible task: what’s the best chapter in literature? Since it’s way too subjective, just figure out what “best” means to you before you answer.

It’s easier to talk glibly about the best books, best series, etc. Once the entire story has been told, I tend to judge the whole, not to think about its parts. Or if I do, it’s more along the lines of “Wow, that scene was great,” or “Could you believe it when he…?” Moments in the story, scenes, set pieces that I don’t give much consideration to on their own.

But let’s try anyway. Chapters, scenes, whatever you/I want to call them.

The Whiteness of the Whale in Moby Dick

The chapter with the volcano in Blood Meridian.

The chapter with Ignatius’ political rally in A Confederacy of Dunces.

It’s not a chapter, but I love when the seven sins visit Dr. Faustus

Kilgore Trout messing up his shoes in Breakfast of Champions

Chapter 17 , The Soldier in White from Catch 22

The Chapter in The Witches when the witches are revealed. I still remember being revolted by how disgusting Dahl was able to make them, even without the pictures.

I can’t pick one: I’m putting in every single addiction scene from Infinite Jest.

Winston’s first weeks in the Ministry of Love from 1984

The most photographed barn from Don Delillo’s White Noise

The chapter-length intro to Chris Bohjalian’s Night Strangers is superb

Larry navigating the corpse-clogged tunnel in The Stand

The Boss putting on his armor for the first time in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court

The big reveal chapter in Foucault’s Pendulum

Andrew Solomon on his mother’s death in The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

I still love the  cour des miracles chapter from Hunchback of Notre Dame.

The battle with Fenris the Feared in the Joe Abercrombie First Law trilogy

The Red Wedding from George RR Martin’s third book in the Ice and Fire books

The incredibly arrogant professor’s snooty introduction in The Lost World by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

The entire Mormon scene in Doyle’s A Study in Scarlet

I’m going to turn this over to you or I’m never going to stop.

Add whatever you like and give your reasons if possible.

If my tics (I have Tourette’s Syndrome) are going to get worse, they tend to do so when it will be most obvious to someone else. Movie theaters, classrooms, monasteries (probably), convents (probably), and any time anyone else is trying to concentrate.

On an airplane…because I wind up feeling like I’m sitting on everyone else’s lap and my elbows are always in the crook of someone’s throat and my shoulders push everyone next to me into the wall, it is often a time for lively tics–there’s no way my co-passengers and I can get away from each other.

If you have Tourette’s and flying is hard for you, here’s what I do to make it a little easier.

1. Explain (don’t apologize)

I don’t explain unless I need to, but if I’m doing something that is making people look at me, sigh in exasperation, or mutter to themselves, I get their attention and say “Here’s what’s happening.”

The explanation is usually good enough. It worked on my most recent flight and I actually had an interesting discussion with the people around me. Anyone who really has a problem with it after that point either has serious work to do and needs to be able to concentrate, or they’re just a dick and nothing’s going to placate them anyway. Either way, if you can’t help it you can’t help it.

Don’t tell anyone you’re sorry, but help them understand what’s happening. You don’t have to be sorry. It’s not your fault.

2. Distraction

Now that I’ve got an iPhone, I have an easy way to distract myself if I can’t calm myself down in other ways. I filled it up with those dumb little addictive games that start you over as soon as you die. They take up all the RAM I’ve got and sometimes help when nothing else will.

3. Skip the snacks

I don’t make myself do this often enough. When the flight attendants come around, I want a coke and a cookie. If I do this, the stimulants make me want to have more tics.

Honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever skipped the snacks, come to think of it, but I do know it would help me, based on how I react to these substances.What can I say? I love candy, cookies, and crap.

4. Stare back at the jerks

This is the last resort when I’m dealing with people who are determined to be annoyed and glare at me. I just stare back. No other reaction. No apologies, no explanations (no further explanations, at this point I’ve already offered one), and no backing off. I stare at them with no expression until they look away. Generally, if we’ve reached this point, after I win the staring contest, they don’t look at me again.

It messes people up. Being stared at can feel incredibly hostile. It unnerves people. They don’t like it. I don’t like it. I’m not hostile. I’m not out to bother anyone or rattle them with the dead eyes. But it has worked for me a few times. Again: I never do this unless someone simply won’t stop looking at me and they won’t accept the explanation and I’m just not up for being stared at for the remainder of the flight.

Seriously, if you’re going to try this, make it your last resort. Be ready to be challenged on it. You might get that one stubborn person who’s going to stare back at you for three hours.  Don’t do it if you can’t handle the thought of that.

That’s about it, besides the obvious: if anything helps you stay relaxed prior to the flight, do as much of those things as you can. Exercise, stretching, singing, specific foods, etc.

Has anything worked for you? If so, please put it in the comments and we’ll see if any of us have had similar experiences.

Hey everyone, I’m in the Portland Airport, listening to someone sing a Coldplay song at the top of her lungs, about three feet away. I’m trying to drown out the noise with my typing.

On Thursday I spoke to a wonderful group of kids in Colville, Washington. During the drive, the presentation, and a night in Coeur D’alene, I learned a few things.

Such as:

• I want to live somewhere pretty–the drive from Spokane to Colville was gorgeous, worth the trip

• Despite my plans to see the sights, I cherish time alone in a hotel room–it’s the only time I can think of when nobody needs me. I read, I nap, and I watch infomercials

• I ate dinner with a family on their farm. They basically had their own mountain. I want my own mountain

• My dad is great. file under “relearned”

• A 14 oz steak at the Wolf Lodge in Couer D’alene can’t be too fatty

• The library in Couer D’alene is pretty, but when I asked the librarians for a reading recommendation, they couldn’t come up with anything besides a cookbook. TISK

• I love kids

• I hate the sight of my eldritch visage leering at me from a poster

• I need an updated photo–the fresh-faced lad on that poster was barely recognizable

• It’s going to be even more fun to go speak when an event ends with a book signing

• I love small towns. I want to move to one.

• It takes about 24 hours for me to start missing my family

• I love to meet people worth knowing–I am never going to meet as many good people in one place as I do at these sorts of gatherings

• It’s a small world. One of Adam Glass’s former lieutenants was in the audience when I spoke. Colville was the last place he expected a librarian to pop up, talking about one of his former brothers in arms

• I eat like crap when I travel. Must change this in June.

• Coldplay in the airport is obnoxious

There’s more, but it’s time to board. There is a woefully small plane beckoning to me.

Happy friday, y’all.