World Wide Jeb

Naomi Robson is Back!

Jeb — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 08:00:45 +0000

Earlier this week, Defamer Australia lifted the lid on this darkly hilarious development: I know you’ve all been missing Naomi Robson’s presence on the small screen. So here’s some news that ought to cheer you up immensely – she’s back! Kinda! She’s talking relationships and Secret Men’s Business with high profile penis owners like Nick Giannopoulos! If [...]

Taking Messages for Tasha and Kelly

Jeb — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 08:00:39 +0000

My current employer has supplied me with a mobile phone – complete with a phone number used by a previous employee. This wouldn’t be a problem, but it’s becoming clear that the last owner was using it for personal calls. Very personal calls. All I know is that his name was Dan and his friends are [...]

How to Make Polo Hardcore

Jeb — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 08:00:17 +0000

Many of my mates are into cycling hardcore. I’ve grown to appreciate single-speed bikes over the years, and I definitely love going for a roll on the weekends… but my helmet always betrays my try-hard cycling hipster image. Look, I purchased my helmet when I bought my first bike because it was red. That was the [...]

The Martini Clause

Jeb — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 07:20:22 +0000

Earlier this month, I briefly flew up to Sydney to catch up with some mates. While catching one of Sydney’s trains, I spotted a familiar “no alcohol” sign. Here’s my conundrum: the standard “no alcohol” sign features a martini glass. Despite this, most “no alcohol” locations like public transport are where you’re least likely to find [...]

eBay: Where Every Seller Treats You like a Mentally Deficient Criminal

Jeb — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 08:00:43 +0000

My favourite thing about eBay is what sets it apart from other online retailers: the unique and immediate passive-aggression that follows any purchase. In your average eBay seller’s mind, you’re not just out to scam them: you’re out to scam them and use the proceeds to inject an infant with tuberculosis. Woe behold those who do not [...]

10 Steps to Managing a Flooding Washing Machine, Without Totally Losing your Sanity

Jeb — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:00:10 +0000

After a chaotic month of relationship changes and moving into a new apartment, I’d finally unpacked all my possessions and was sitting down with a nice cold beer. Ahh, I thought to myself. Finally a chance to relax and unwind. That’s when I noticed an oozing puddle of water creeping from underneath my bedroom door, like [...]

How to Correct Your Dodgy Farmer’s Tan

Jeb — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 08:00:55 +0000

We’ve all got mates who have a painfully burning farmer’s tan. For the unfamiliar, a farmer’s tan is the perma-singlet branded into your skin after spending too long out in the sun wearing a wifebeater. I’m proud to say that I’ve invented a method of correcting a dodgy farmer’s tan. Behold, the inverted singlet! No longer need [...]

The Surely-It’s-Not-Real World of Pickup Artists

Jeb — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 08:00:10 +0000

How does this sound as a sitcom premise? A group of men spend their weeks desperately prowling around bars and clubs attempting to pick up women. But this isn’t just any group of men! They spend their spare time desperately studying up on misogynistic methods of scoring women with berko science, then disguise it in socially acceptable [...]

Everybody Needs Insane Neighbours

Jeb — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 08:00:59 +0000

One thing I’ve missed in recent years is living near berko neighbours. Over the past few years, my neighbours have been disappointingly beige. When I moved into this block of flats, I was praying for neighbours that could be easily cast into a sitcom. I’m proud to announce my wish has been granted! Seeing as I’ll [...]

The Loudest Ringtone Known to Man

Jeb — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 08:00:28 +0000

Over the weekend, I attended the carnival day for Melbourne’s queer festival, Midsumma. It’s always a bit of an odd event, especially with all the stalls and attractions that have only the most tenuous relationship to the queer community. Exactly why Myki (Melbourne’s new public transport ticketing system) had such an enormous presence at the [...]