World Wide Jeb

Stretched to Death

Jeb — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:00:56 +0000

Imagine a German Shepherd being injected with speed, then playing catch. That’s more or less my finesse on a treadmill. Seeing as my daily treadmill flail tends to attract the attention of everyone at the gym, I was suspicious when I noticed a lone fellow in the corner not paying any attention. As I alighted the [...]

Home Appliance Fanfic – Now a Reality

Jeb — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:00:59 +0000

By now, you’ve probably noticed that I’d kill for either a Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner or that new Dyson bladeless fan. Can’t help it. They’re the only way I’ll feel complete. The natural progression here seems to be writing Roomba/Dyson fanfic. I’m hoping to start a revolution here, so PLEASE email me your own Roomba/Dyson fanfic [...]

Indoor Lawns: Not the Greatest Interior Design Idea

Jeb — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 09:00:07 +0000

We’ve owned the most offensive rug in the universe for some years now. I’m considering burning the damn thing. At some point in the past, Adam decided that he wanted a new rug for the lounge room, and was very set on getting a specific colour. He was suspiciously secretive about what he had in mind, [...]

Costcan’t

Jeb — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 08:33:09 +0000

Although I’ve completely bagged Costco in the past, there’s been a growing sense that I need to visit their stupid new store and buy copious quantities of EVERYTHING THEY SELL. Why the sudden turnaround? It’s the same thing that happens when I don’t visit Ikea at least once a month. Or if I don’t quietly add [...]

Why Aren’t You Wearing a Shirt?

Jeb — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:51:06 +0000

There’s been an awful lot going on at our place, hence my blog-absence over the past couple of weeks. We now have a housemate living with us, which is actually pretty awesome, although our place has turned into a bit of a frat house. Since Ken moved in, we now have under one roof: two [...]

Gaslight Music: Melbourne’s Most Naked and Awesome Record Store

Jeb — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 10:06:32 +0000

Melbourne’s best and most bizarre record store has got to be the sadly-demised Gaslight Music. What other music store was famous for annual nude days, semi-secret promotions which involved making a spectacle of yourself in the store for free CDs and in-store appearances that constantly resulted in the store’s destruction? Although it closed in 2005, [...]

Fact: I Own the Shiniest Pants in the Universe

Jeb — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:03:42 +0000

Wearing pants is important in society, apparently. However, I find clothes shopping so unbearably tedious, it makes me want to gnaw off my own arm. After extravagantly splitting my pants in public, though, I’ve learnt it’s a sensible move to buy new work pants a little more often. Whenever the major department stores hold a stocktake [...]

Electric Bicycles and the Losers that Ride Them: A Plague on Society

Jeb — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 09:30:56 +0000

Electric bikes: a fitness placebo for the morbidly lazy. When was the last time you didn’t snort in derision when some lazy tosser squealed and whirred past you in one of these up the pavement? It’s like committing to a golf buggy or ride-on lawnmower, without benefiting from any of the function – not to [...]

How to Stop Showering and Score Girls

Jeb — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 10:01:34 +0000

What’s wrong with this sentence? You look homeless, smell like you’ve bathed in Tommy Lee’s sweat, have almost no cash to your name, are borderline alcoholic, can barely string a legible sentence together but are utterly drowning in the affections of women. HOW? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? Simply add the words “you play guitar in a [...]

The Easiest Goddamn Job in the World

Jeb — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 10:30:31 +0000

The easiest way to make an incredibly large amount of money seems to be joining the ranks of brain-dead IT analysts. Just this week, I’ve found the following quotes from analysts in various IT news articles: “Apple may introduce new iPod models at its “rock and roll” event on Sept. 9.” HOLY SHITBALLS, NO KIDDING. “The more [...]