My name is Mark Wiland. I am a journalist, right on the cutting edge, a bit avant-garde but mostly old school. I’ve got a lifestyle that includes being overzealous, overindulging, understated, incomprehensible, underrated, misunderstood, overlooked, under appreciated and constantly misinformed and misinterpreted. I go to a lower class school in the upper east side of a small suburban neighborhood. My interests are constantly changing, rearranging, and my goals are often reorganized while being over the top, even though I stay under the radar.

I’m a middle class citizen living in a middle class neighborhood in a lower class economy with the higher thinking individuals. I’ve founded my own self run, self sustained, film company to make movies that go unnoticed, unappreciated, left in the dark and labeled “indie”. I’ve got no self esteem, I’ve got a bit of a moral compass and it’s always pointed towards compassion, but constantly strays towards wrong doing. Often to myself. I do not believe in self motivation, self harm, being selfish, or any self congratulatory bullshit of ANY kind. I’ve got a girlfriend who looks like a boyfriend that you had in february of last year. It’s not confidential, and we’ve both got potential. I want to drive recklessly but instead follow the rules, finding it insane that we have traffic laws and rules on something called a FREEway. I live under an overpass and have to downshift when going over the highway. My family is moderately irritating, constantly needy and aggressively dull. See what I mean? Everything is constantly changing and such. We have no simple words anymore. Everything is now longer to describe what’s “wrong” with us. For example, there’s no more fat people, now they’re all overweight or obese. It’s because they can’t stop overeating because they have an eating disorder, are depressed, feeling blue, or unhappy. When I was a kid, someone was fat and sad. I mean you have to describe yourself in the most insane ways now too. Nobody’s sad, they’re depressed. Nobody’s fat, they’re overweight. Nobody’s stupid, they have a LEARNING DISORDER.

I cannot explain my love for words.

m@rk

I was looking for a fan page for Janeane Garofalo on Facebook a couple minutes ago and I found a group called “Americans Against Jeaneane Garofalo”. This is what it said in their “about” statement on the sidebar:

“Recently I saw the extreme left wing anti American (in my opinion) Janeane Garofalo running her mouth on the news against the demonstrators at the tea parties across America on April 15th. She spoke heavily against these people and stated that they were all Redneck Racists. Apparently an American speaking against the current administration is automatically a racist. well I will not stand for this. This group is designed for people to speak out against people (mainly celebrities who think they are political figures) who run their mouths and spew stupid utterances. Say what you want.”

You want me to say what I want, Joe Dumbass? Alrighty then, let the madness begin. I have come up with a new term for these people. They’re what I call “Ultimate Americans”. These are the people who think that anyone who says anything bad about America is automatically a racist or a bad person or unamerican or antiamerican or just a plain fucking idiot. Their entire platform is based around the idea of “Freedom of speech for all, unless it’s AGAINST us”. You ever notice that? That these Ultimate Americans are all for freedom of speech as long as it’s not used AGAINST them? The first word to be said, the person to cast the first stone against America is automatically labeled a bad person. If the Government didn’t want us saying bad things about them, they’d remove the ammendment. Apparently, they DO want people to have free speech and to voice their opinions. Voicing opinions is what makes the country grow. It allows other people to think new things and get others interested in that way of thinking, even if that IS a bit of a dangerous position.

But these Ultimate Americans are the ones who are idiots. They’re the people who think the Army is an amazing thing, they’re the ones who think everyone should have a flag hanging outside their homes. These Ultimate Americans are the ones against freedom of speech! They’re against things CHANGING. The world is changing, you can’t fight it, you HAVE to change with it, unless you want to look like a complete and total douchebag and I don’t know about YOU, but I don’t want to look like a total bag of douche. This guy claims that she’s against America because she said something bad about our current Government? Well you know what. I agree. Obama HASN’T been doing that great of a job. Does that make me racist? Just because someone says “Well Gerald, that black guy, from accounting isn’t doing a good job, we’re going to have to let him go” doesn’t make them racist, it means Gerald from accounting ISN’T DOING A GOOD FUCKING JOB! It doesn’t make someone racist to speak out against Obama, it makes OPINIONATED. It makes them a free thinker. It means they have thoughts and feelings that they think are worth hearing.

I’m sick of these Ultimate America bastards. These people who still live behind the idea of “A car in every garage and a chicken in every pot.” I’m sick of these people who think the army is the best thing to ever happen to this country. Excuse me Mr. and Mrs. Anti-Opinion, the Army is probably the WORST thing to happen to this country. I hate the god damned marine commercials that say “There’s strong…and then there’s Army Strong”. There’s no difference! Strong is strong, ok!? If you’ve looked at any fucking thing the army has done in the past until now, you will find out that POW’S and people used in our OWN country in our OWN army has test subjects and what have you who were told they were taken care of are NOT taken care of. They claim to be make you into a hero, but you can be a hero just by sending 5 cents every week to a kid in Africa who has no shoes and no food. A hero has a fluctuating definition, alright? The more you talk to these Ultimate Americans and these Army people about war and hostages and 9/11, the more you realize that murder is NEGOTIABLE. It’s negotiable. It depends on who’s killing and who’s getting killed.

Ultimately, these Ultimate Americans are the ones who say you have rights. Rights are a state of mind, alright? They don’t exist. Have you ever SEEN a right? I don’t know what they look like. I’ve only seen them written in word and just because it’s written in word doesn’t make it existing. Narnia’s only written in word. Rights don’t exist, and if rights DO exist, then they fall under the same category as “opinions” and “freedom of speech”. For instance, it’s either “you can say anything” in this country or “you can say NOTHING” in this country. Same with rights. Example. I think I have the right to say anything I want in this country and about this country. However, I also believe that if you don’t like what I’ve said about this country, that you have the right to KILL ME. So where’s a fairer fuckin’ deal than THAT?

m@rk

Have you ever had someone telling you a hypothetical situation and during it the phrase “What if your life depended on it?!” came up?

Like a lot of times you hear it in school. Like you’re a student and you’re having trouble with math and you talk to your teacher after class. You ask her, “Miss Wormwood? I’m having trouble with math, I don’t think I can learn this.”
She replies with, “But Billy, you HAVE to! What if your life DEPENDED on it?!”

I’m sorry, but is there EVER going to be a moment in my life where fractions may save me from impending doom? Am I going to be on a de-railing train at some point and have to think “Ok, there’s only 4 exits and 32 people, there’s only 7 seconds left, how many people have to fit through these doors in order to get them all out on time before the train blows up?” NO! That’s never gonna happen! It’s just like people who say “It’s a matter of life in death” in a complete and absolute non life or death situation. The only time you should be using either of these is if you’re held up at gun point, and call your friend and say, “You need to get here with this amount of money NOW, it’s a matter of life and death, and my life depends on it!”

A matter of life and death. Give me a break. People say these things at the most stupid time too, don’t they? They’ll be in the office and suddenly they look up at the clock and realize “OH MY GOD, IT’S 7:27, I’M NOT GOING TO BE HOME FOR THE PRICE IS RIGHT!” and they call up their wife and say, “HONEY, RECORD IT, IT’S A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH!” What if the guy misses it, is his head going to explode? I hate people who use the wrong phrases at the wrong times. Like that same guy goes into work on Monday after having been seriously ill and not completed the important report for that board meeting that afternoon. He tells his friend Jim, “Man, I am SO dead.”

Is he going to walk into that meeting room and be murdered? His boss will be like, “HENDERSON! WHERE IS THAT REPORT?”
“I’m sorry sir, I couldn’t finish it, my appendix burst and-”
“I DON’T WANT YOUR EXCUSES, YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT REPORT WAS! WE MADE A DEAL! MEN, TAKE HENDERSONS SOUL AND HEART FROM HIM!”

I REALLY doubt that’s going to happen. I know this post has been a little more comedy based than usual, but sometimes I need to do one of those to juggle the extremely dark and serious posts with some light comedy. It has to be done.

It’s a matter of life and death.

m@rk

As people know, I’ve been depressed in the past and still am occasionally. I was so depressed that I nearly took my own life about a year ago. But here’s the thing. They say that people who are depressed eat or are stressed eat. NO. That’s BULLSHIT. Nobody’s going to get sad, look at a tub of Rocky Road and go, “Hey, this will fix EVERYTHING!” It’s called passing the blame. It’s the same thing every time. See society wants us to be perfect, but how can we be perfect if we’re fat or depressed or have any OTHER sort of affliction? Exactly! So to adhere to society, we pass the blame from ourselves over to other factors. Like people say that boys who play violent video games become violent themselves. Bullshit. A video game isn’t going to do SHIT. Music isn’t going to make someone want to kill themselves. A person who wants to kill themself is going to kill themself, a person who wants to murder is going to murder. We’ve got nobody but ourselves to blame. Now, this isn’t to say that a kid can’t be INFLUENCED. Certainly. He can see someone beating a woman, think it looks fun and decide that that’s what he really wants to do to, but ultimately, he was going to in the first place, it was just the act of seeing someone else do it first that let him know, “Hey, it’s ok!”

So we adhere to society. But why? Even when we’re perfect, we’re not perfect. So what do we do? We get stressed so we eat, and then we get depressed because we get so overweight, so then we go on a diet that doesn’t work and get an eating disorder and eventually get put on suicide watch and start taking medication. Drugs. Pump ‘em fulla drugs. That is the NEW American way. A giant pill bottle with an American flag on it. Valium is a perfect example. Valium is created to make a person be calm, to make them slow down, chill out and relax. TO MAKE THEM STOP FEELING. How can someone be depressed or suicidal when they can’t FEEL a damn thing? Most of these drugs have been known to cause the same side effect-drowsiness. In any drug commercial you ever see, they list side effects on the side of the screen. Nice little place to put side effects, on the side of your screen, am I right? So they list them and every single god damned one has the same side effect-drowsiness. To cause you to be drowsy, to cause you to get sleepy, to feel nothing, to feel to do nothing, to be tired. Because how can someone complain or get anxious or worried or depressed when they’re so damn tired all the time? You get depression and you start taking these pills, suddenly you don’t care about ANYTHING anymore. You’re so fucking relaxed that taxes, war and murder, no big deal to you NOW! See, that’s what they did. Basically, a bunch of politicians and a bunch of doctors got together and said, “We want people to start complaining about us, fix it.” Doctors fixed it by CREATING depression. Depressions is a manmade illness, people! It’s not like Cancer, ok? Depression is fake. WE MADE IT UP. To CONTROL people. See people are so self conscious that they will ALWAYS believe anything bad said about them. Therefore, you go to see a doctor because your knees broken and they say, “Well you have depression.” You’re in denial at first. You’re like “What, I don’t have depression, you’re crazy!” but it sits there doesn’t it, that seed of doubt? Finally, you realize FUCK, I AM depressed. Then they give you the pills.

Medication. Passing the blame. Hey, it’s not the politicians fault, it’s not the doctors fault. It’s not YOUR fault. It’s DEPRESSIONS fault. Depression is just like self esteem. Well what IS self esteem? See, HIV is a virus. I can see it. I know it exists and what it looks like. Cancer is a virus. We can see it. We know what it does and we know what it looks like. Same thing with herpes, acne, dandruff, tumors, goiters and anything else. We can see them. We know what it does, and we KNOW what it looks like. But what is self esteem? What does it look like? See self esteem, depression and all that sort of “new age” talk is on the same basis that “God” is on. On that same level. You can’t see it, you just have to TRUST that it’s there. You just have to take a chance and BELIEVE that it exists. I’m sorry but I don’t really believe in anything until I can see a photo of it. You show me a photo of depression and then we’ll talk. If depression was an inky black substance that invaded your blood stream and made you sad or angry, then MAYBE you’d have a case. But you don’t. Because it isn’t. BECAUSE WE MADE IT UP. We did the American thing and PASSED THE BLAME.

m@rk

Man is said to fear death.

Why? Well, some people think it’s the unknown. Some people think it’s not death itself, it’s what comes after, if anything. Others think it’s the thought of going through a slow and painful process. Some people fear of just running out of time. But as many answers as people have come up with, ultimately, I have figured out why man fears death. You want the answer? Because I’ve got it. It’s not because of the unknown or less time or pain, it’s the fact that mankind thinks it’s such hot shit, they don’t think ANYTHING can do them in. Mankind doesn’t believe in any sort of smarter beings like aliens, or doomsday conspiracies (the SMART ones anyway) or that “Hey, it’s just a Tiger, what can it do to ME? I’m gonna poke it with a stick”. They don’t think anything can hurt them and therefore they’ve added Death to that list. But believe me, ANYTHING can hurt you, including nature. We had a huge storm here a few weeks ago and then a gigantic fire just in the past week and I think it’s lovely that nature reminds man that we aren’t above it all. Nature puts us in our place. It tells us, “HEY. KNOCK IT OFF. YOU’RE BUGGING THE WORLD. CUT IT OUT.”

So man doesn’t fear death. Man fears the idea, the prospect, the the possibility that something could be better than him and destroy him. Gangs run on this basis I think. Gang members will go fight other gang members because they think, “That mutha fucka can’t hurt ME!” And then they wind up in a body bag. And why would people be afraid of the unknown? Of what comes after? Hell, I’m more afraid of LIFE than I am of DEATH. You wanna talk about the unknown, let’s discuss life for a little while, alright? Life itself seems more unpredictable and terrifying than death is! At least death is CERTAIN. At least you KNOW it’s coming. What’s coming at you during life? YOU DON’T KNOW! Right? I’d be more afraid of life than I would be of death! Why do you think we’ve been trying to invent machines and medicine that fight death and cancer and such? BECAUSE NOTHING BEATS MAN! It’s not because we want to live, it’s because we don’t want to be BEATEN! Just think of the term “Fight Cancer”. Fighting Cancer? FIGHTING? It’s a fight, and you can’t let cancer beat you because MAN is better than that. And all these medicines and machines and whatnot are only there to prolong the dying, to save them from dying, to make them feel that they are invincible.

People DO fear life. It’s a phobia, it’s called Biophobia. There’s even Thanatophobia which is the fear of death or dying. Why do people exercise, not smoke or drink, wear condoms or eat well? To stay healthy? To not contract STDS? NO. To FIGHT DEATH. Man is afraid of being shown up by something they can’t even SEE! Ultimately, we’re all going to die. But like most stuff in life, we may have to die, but we DON’T have to fucking enjoy it.

m@rk