Your Tina and Mine

I wish I could have met you. Tina tells me all the stories, I have watched the videos and seen the pictures which give me a glimpse into who you were and what your values were.  All I know is that Tina is the product of your love and her ideals and value system is rooted in her upbringing.

If I could talk to you, here is what I would say:  You would be proud of how your little Tina baby turned out. Her life is not what any parent would wish -no parent wants their child to suffer, especially in her marriage.  But she is strong and courageous.   The scars are healing from her first marriage and her sacrifice took a toll on her trusting others.  But she is an amazing person, a wonderful mother and a loving wife.

I met your Tina about 18 months ago.  I was healing from a previous relationship and she was too.  I had given up on dating and decided to concentrate on my daughter and my boys.  She had gone the route of dating and was pretty much finished with it too.

Then we met.  Gosh she was so concerned about my background so I had her check me out with my ex-in-laws (how many men can give their ex-in-laws as references!) and with my parents.  I guess I came out ok cause now we are married!

I fell in love with her in late 2007 and am more in love with her every day since then.

I know she misses you terribly.  I cannot fathom what it will be like losing either of my parents but I did see how my boys suffered when they lost their mother 6 years ago.  I love to hear her reminisce about the times she had with you when she was the last one left at home.  I know these memories are bitter sweet since she misses you so very much.

What I would also tell you is that I love her and will do everything I can to be the wind beneath her wings and put a smile on her face every day.  I do know that she loves me more than a man deserves and I will do all I can to live up to that.

I do not know if you know how you have influenced her in her life.  Your Tina today has the heart and beauty of you mom and the business sense of you dad. She has the family tradition that you bestowed upon your children and we do all we can to enjoy our Italian heritage as a family.  The wine flows in this house nightly.  I just wish you were here to “salute” with us.

Yes she has an Italian last name again and she is proud of it.  The girls want it too and we will do what we need to do to accomplish that at the right time.

Rest well mom and dad.  Know that your little girl Tina is an incredible woman whom you would be very proud of.  I know I am.

She is the love of my life forever. And she is happy.  That is all a parent wants for their children.

I promise not to let you down.  Thank you for bringing Tina into this world.

RiderforJC – A blessed follower of Jesus Christ by the Grace of God

UPDATE:  5/2010

Mom and Dad Lucarelli – Tina just completed her third semester at Bluegrass college – second semester in a row with straight “A”‘s.  She will be entering nursing school in less than a year now with a goal of an ASN then a BSN degree.  She is still flying like that butterfly – I am blowing as hard as I can!  

How Many are You Responsible for?

This question has puzzled me for years in ministry.  Why do good christian people turn their back on their brothers and sisters who are hurting and wounded?  Why do they judge someone who has stumbled or backslid?  Why do they judge others more harshly than  they would want others to judge them and 10 times harder than they judge themselves?  I believe this comes down to pride and lack of understanding (actually lack of teaching) of the concept of Grace.  

This is a failure of the pulpit today.  For some reason, the idea that you are saved by Grace, and did nothing to deserve it or merit it is not taught in the church today.  What is taught is how to “be a good person” or a “good Christian”.  I believe that being a “good Christian” is an oxymoron.  Bet that ticks you off huh?  You are saying right now – Rider – you are a jerk cause I AM A GOOD CHRISTIAN.  

In the new testament, there was no such mention of a good christian.  A faithful one-yes.  An obedient one – sure.  But a good one?  You see the world’s idea of a “good christian” would be a quiet one.  One who sits in the pew wearing his dockers and topsiders, freshly shaved, no ink or piercings and with a nice clean cut hair cut.  (no ponytails or shaved heads)

That is the church’s description of a “good christian”.  

So it is easy to bury the wounded that does not conform to that standard.  Stray from the in-crowd at church and they will turn their back on you quicker than a w0man can max out a credit card.  The wounded may even be their own kind who strays too far from the norm.  Perhaps one who is going through a divorce – even for Biblically based reasons.  

But I blame the pastors and elders.  They are the ones who permit or even foster this kind of behavior among their flock.  They are more concerned with keeping the peace (and the tithes coming) than in properly teaching the people that but for the Grace of God go I. 

The community that I live in in Kentucky seems to embrace this concept of abandoning those wounded. I have never witnessed this behavior so prevalent than I do here.  Again, I lay blame with the leaders.  I have witnessed a pastor’s wife intentionally turn her back on my wife, even though my wife was involved in that church for over 5 years.  You see, my wife divorced her husband because he had molested their daughter. If that is not reason for divorce, nothing is.  In fact, divorce is light compared to what that “man” deserves. God warns against hurting children.  Something about a millstone. 

Grace is all we have as christians.  Without it, we have nothing.  If you do not understand the concept of God favoring you even though you have never and will never deserve it, then you need to study it.  You did not deserve what God has done for you in the sacrifice of Jesus.  And there is nothing you can ever do to merit His favor apart from what He has done. 

All you can do is accept it and begin to understand the depth of it. 

The next time you see a brother or sister stumble, or sin, or backslide or whatever, have some compassion.  You do not have a clue what they are going through.  Just put your arm around them and tell them you are there for them.  

Next time, it could most certainly be you with those wounds. It has been me many times. 

RiderforJC – A many-time-wounded-follower of Jesus Christ only by the Grace of God

Praying with your Best Friend

Some people question whether or not God answers prayers.  I have heard it said that God gives three answers in prayers:  Yes, No and Wait.  God I hate the “wait” answer.  I would prefer to get the “NO” answer smacked upside my head than the “WAIT” answer.  I have no patience for waiting – yeah I know patience is a fruit of the spirit  but not all fruit give one the pleasure one seeks – try the durian fruit of Asia.  It smells like rotten eggs or decaying flesh.  So it is with patience with me.  It just fit well with my personality.  

Enough about patience.  Let’s talk about prayer.  These days I am blessed to be able to pray with my best friend – my wife Tina.  I admit though that we do not do this as much as we would like to – try raising 3 special needs kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat and trying to maintain sanity by fishing whenever possible.  Yet there is something so special when you pray with your best friend.  It is like the stars align – you are in complete agreement with what you are praying for.  I believe prayers like this are powerful.  I cannot be selfish in prayer when I am praying with Tina because my focus is off of me and on her and her needs.  I love praying with her and for her.  I love asking God to take care of our children and give us the wisdom to raise them.

The little boy in the picture above is praying with his best friend – and both are praying hard.  The boy may be praying for that new bike and the dog for a new bone – but nevertheless, God hears them.  

Thank you Tina for praying with me.  I treasure you as my wife and my best friend.

RiderforJC – A man blessed by God only by His Grace and Mercy

My Newest Tattoo

I love a good argument. Perhaps that is because I am Italian and we love to animate our talking with our hands.  Or perhaps it is just that I always think I am right.  This topic seems to drive Christians nuts.  Almost every Christian I have discussed this with (with the exception of those in the biker community) will quote certain scripture about God forbidding “marking of the body”.  I have a real problem with anyone quoting Leviticus to me regarding any subject.  That book has over 400 “DO NOTs” in it.  Living in those days, you sinned the minute you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  Everything was a sin and, unless you were a scribe or pharisee, you had no idea what they all were.  Remember, very few written copies of the law were around – and those were hand-written and extremely rare and expensive.

There were laws on how you tied up your oxen and what your wife did “during that time of the month”.  I actually think we should put some of those laws into affect.  Would make going fishing during that time just that much easier!

So what exactly does God say about tattoos?  Heck if I know.  But I do know this: God looks at your heart and ignores the outward appearance.  (Read 1 Samuel 16:7).   If you believe that only “unmarked” people go to heaven, you are reading a comic book and not a Bible.  Perhaps only the beautiful people go to heaven?  Would be a very lonely place up there then huh?

People get tattoos for various reasons.  Mine was simple : I wanted another one and had picked out that design years ago.  It tells me something that is important to me : I am forgiven.  You see, forgiveness is so often misunderstood.  Some believe that only God can forgive.  I don’t.  I believe forgiveness takes on many forms.  Yes, God forgives.  And what He has forgiven me for I can never repay Him.  I accept it as a gift of Grace.  

But I also had to forgive myself.  For the mistakes I have made, for the people I have hurt and for the things I should have done, but didn’t.  I have to forgive myself for divorcing the mother of my children and the grief and pain I caused her and my kids for that.  Not something easy to come to grips with.  

It is hard to forgive yourself.  Perhaps much more harder than forgiving others.  Like Paul I can say that I do the very things I do not want to do.  Sometimes I am selfish, sometimes just plain mean.  Sometimes I know everything, other times I know nothing.  

Sometimes I am smart, other times stupid as a rock.  

Back to the question.  I do not see anything wrong with Christians getting tattoos.  I see no Bible reference to it unless you want to quote Leviticus and then, you best throw your wife out the door when she is on her period.  A peaceful house for a week?  Could I live on cereal and pop tarts instead of Tina’s incredible cooking? Don’t think so.  

If you disagree with me on this, you are probably in the majority.  But I can back it up with scripture, can you?  

Getting ink is a personal choice.  if you want a tattoo, go for it.  (Of course, my children must wait until they are 50 before getting ink.) 

If I didn’t hate needles so much, I would probably have more.  But today, three is enough.  

Tina's Lower Back Ink (she designed!)

Tina got this this design late one night – 2 hours in the chair in a very painful location!  Her fortitude and courage in having this done blew me away!  I was dying watching her in pain!  The doves signify the Holy Spirit.  The colors are strikingly vivid.  I do not think she will get another since this one was so painful.  I think I am being a bad influence on this former Catholic schoolgirl!  

RiderforJC – a follower of Jesus Christ forgiven by the Grace of God

May It Ever Fly

There are many things we take for granted.  Unfortunately, many times there things are the most valuable to us.  Like our family, spouse, children, job, friends, salvation, and freedom.

Freedom.  We accept it without question.  If it is threatened, we rebel loudly and with force.  But that very freedom we enjoy did not cost us anything.  But it was not free.  There is always a price to be paid for something so valuable – so priceless.  I write this knowing that no one can really stop me from speaking what I believe.  Yet in many countries (and soon maybe even this one), this freedom does not exist without a price.  That price may be loss of status, caning, imprisonment or even death. I have no fear of any of that because of the price that was paid by others – like my father in WW II, friends in Korea and Vietnam, and those young boys and girls in the service today.  The Bible tells us to “count the cost”.  

So today, I count the cost of the freedom I have, the freedom I enjoy, the freedom I will defend for my family, and the freedom that I pray that I will never take for granted but treasure it as a gift from God to serve others.

To those who served and those who are serving – Thank you.

RiderforJC – A follower of Jesus Christ by the Grace of God

Motorcycle Dryer by Air Shammy

Ok had to plug this product. The best motorcycle dryer for all bikes.  Nothing gets the water off faster.  I use this with some of that wash/wax concentrate with warm water.  Rinse it off and blast the water off with the Air Shammy Motorcycle Dryer.  No need for towel drying!  Hey and the people that run this company are incredibly awesome!! Yeah and it is made in the USA.  How can you beat that?

For cars, check out the best car dryer – Air Chamois.

What it is all about

I am so tired of the snow, rain, and ice. Coming from California to Kentucky has been a lesson in patience. I want the sun!  If patience is a fruit of the Spirit, then God is certainly working on me with this one.  I miss riding, I miss fishing, I miss sleeveless shirts.  Besides, I have two new tats I want to show off!  Hard to do that when there is snow on the ground.  I do know that this year I will enjoy being outdoors since being cooped up in a house for the past few months.  I blame it on that darn groundhog.  Why don’t they ship that thing to California so he (or she) can see their dang shadow?  I want to go fishing. I want to ride.  I want, I want, I want.

Ok, enough complaining.  I have it good.  I have a beautiful wife who loves me more than I deserve; I have three new daughters who are wonderful (most of the time!); I have two grandsons (Vinnie and Johnny) and a grand-daughter (TaberLee) to be born in June.  

I am a blessed man.  Would it be too much to ask to be blessed with some riding days here in Kentucky?  

RiderforJC – A follower of Jesus Christ by the Grace of God

When I was a kid, fighting was a game.  I could talk my way out of a fight or talk myself into one. And it seemed I did one or the other quite frequently. 

As a teenager, I routed all that energy into sports and school.  What kid didn’t enjoy kicking some butt on the football field or basketball court?  Sometimes you won, and sometimes you lost.  But you left it all on the court. Sweat, blood and tears. 

Yet by far the greatest fight I have ever fought is the one I have been fighting since my daughter Lisa was born in 1983.  I am on the 26^th year of fighting this fight – with no end in sight. Lisa was born profoundly mentally handicapped and today has an age equivalency of about 6 months to 1-1/2 years.  Her mom and I separated in 1995 with me having visitation every weekend.  In 2003, I took full custody of her since her mom could not care for her anymore.  Her mom – my high school sweetheart – passed away in 2004 at the age of 43. (Rest well Cindy – you would be pleased with how much Tina loves our Lisa)

There is nothing in a book, or training, or school that can prepare you for caring for a profoundly mentally disabled child.  You just do it.  Some days are good and other days are beyond bad emotionally, physically and mentally.

Yet there is something in battling for someone who is helpless that brings fulfillment to oneself.  This is not a pride thing.  It is a quest for justice.  A desire to right a wrong.  Protecting the innocent and helpless should be the ultimate definition of being a man.  In fact, I can honestly say that I became a man that July day in 2003 when I decided to forgo my dreams and goals and put my daughter’s needs before mine.  To put her mere existence and happiness before what I wanted in life. 

This is hard to explain but in a way, you begin living for two people.  Your life changes dramatically.  Your value system changes.  One tends to appreciate the simple things in life and understand that each day brings both blessings and trials.  You want justice – and that means that your life must now reflect both yourself and your child.  Some of you reading this will understand what I mean.

I have battled school districts for her rights to learn.  I have battled agencies for her rights for care assistance.  My only goal for her is to see her happy and for her to remain with me – never in a state institution. 

Our recent battle is with the Cabinet for Health and Family Services (CHFS) here in Kentucky.  An agency formed to help citizens like my Lisa.  Only their way of “helping” is to deny needed services and make you fight them in court.  We are now at the appeal stage for simple transportation to her day care center.  A mere scrap of a right.  Nothing really monetary but meaningful to help her gain some independence.  And the CHFS gets an attorney paid for by your tax dollars and mine.  How is this fair? Damn I hate attorneys.  Imagine all that schooling to go to a hearing and give legal reasons why your agency could deny services to someone who is defenseless.  I am sure her parents are very proud of how she turned out.  I just hope she doesn’t have kids.  To fight against disabled persons takes a cruel person.  And no heart or soul.

In our hearing on February 9, 2009, I have never witnessed such callous, cold-hearted and stupid people in my life.  I would rather have been facing a 1% MC club.  At least I know those guys have heart and passion. And they would never harm a helpless child.  There is a code in the biker community-you just don’t hurt a child.

Can you imagine going to work every day with the knowledge that your job is to deny services to the weakest of the weak of people?  How do you live with yourself?  How do you go home and hug your kids knowing that your stupid decisions may cause someone to go live in an institution and face abuse, rape and cruelty? 

I am fighting this battle against all odds of success with one exception: I refuse to give up.  This fight is no longer for Lisa – it is for every disabled citizen in this state who has been denied services by these heartless people. 

My life has changed much over the past 18 months.  I have moved to Kentucky, married an incredible woman named Tina, become step-dad to three beautiful girls (yeah THREE!) and entered another battle for the rights of those who cannot fight for themselves. 

Having a handicapped child is something I would not wish upon anyone.  I can be a tough SOB, but my heart blows apart when I think of my Lisa having to live without someone loving her and caring for her.  There is nothing more painful than for a parent to think of their child being in an institution. 

Soldiers go home after the war.  Warriors prepare for the next war.  This war for justice will never end because the supply of stupid, cold-hearted people working for the government is endless.

May God bless all of those who fight for the ones who cannot fight for themselves.

RiderforJC – A follower of Jesus Christ by the Grace of God

I heard this statement today on the radio. What a great way to look at life (and what comes after).  Sometimes life seems so hard, so difficult that I just want to “go home” to be with the Lord.  There were times in my life where my heart was so broken that I just did not want to live another day with that pain.  Each minute seemed like an hour and each day seemed endless.  I dreaded the nighttime – that quiet time alone with my thoughts.  Thoughts which brought tears. 

But I am half way home.  This year, I will be 50 so I guess I am more than half way home.  God I hope so.  I don’t want to live to be 100 unless I can still ride my Harley.

God saw me through that pain; through the nights that seemed endless; and through those quiet times I was alone with my thoughts.  I never want to relive that episode of my life again.  That pain which cut my heart into pieces.  Those tears which drenched my pillow until there was no more tears.

I look back and see that valley.  It is getting further and further from me each day.  And the road ahead is clear and bright. 

Ever driven somewhere lost in your thoughts only to arrive and question how you got there?  You don’t remember all that driving do you?

That’s how I look back at the last 18 months.  How did I get here?  How did I go from the pit of despair about my life and my future to waking every day thankful that I am deeply loved? 

How did I go from having my heart so shattered from love to being so in love that my heartbeat matches hers? 

It can only be God.  Nothing else explains it to me.

I am half way home and I want to enjoy this “downhill” side of the trip.  I want to savor each and every day as if it were my last.  I want each kiss from my wife to linger forever upon her lips and mine.  I want every embrace of my children to warm them and tell them they are loved as much as it does for me.  I want the laughter of our grandkids to bring comfort and contentment to our souls. 

And I want to walk the rest of the way home with her hand in mine. I cannot imagine any journey better than the one ahead. 

RiderforJC – A follower of Jesus Christ by the Grace of God