And so, it is upon us.

In our opinion, the United States Open Golf Tournament is the most difficult golf tournament to win in the world. There is a special place in our heart for this tournament. Truth be told, we love The Masters. That is our most favorite tournament in our most favorite place in the world. However, the U.S. Open means so much to us in a different way.

First of all, we feel like The Masters is our tournament, so to speak. We have had the great fortune to witness the collection of the greatest players in the world on one golf course twice in our life. Also, if some homerism is to be permitted, The Masters is held in our home state, and The Masters is the only major golf championship to be contested on the same course year in and year out. There is a special connection we feel with that tournament. If you know anything about our background, then you will easily understand why. The Masters was founded by a local Atlanta boy made good; a man that grew up on the demanding layout of East Lake, graduated from both Georgia Tech (our favorite) and Emory, achieved everything that could be achieved as a gentleman golfer (that means amateur for those of you that are unfamiliar with the terminology from a time before success was measured in endorsements), and made a timely retirement from the competitive game, only to build his dream course in Augusta, Georgia, and start his own tournament that would become the ultimate goal of not only every professional golfer, but every young boy that ever lifted a club in the southeastern United States. If one grew up playing this beautiful, frustrating game in the sweltering heat of this region, then you always dreamed of playing your way into the U.S. Amateur, or the U.S. Public Links Championship, just so you would have a chance at maybe making a few putts and qualifying for The Masters.

The one thing that we didn’t realize until very recently was the fact that the same dream we all shared about qualifying for The Masters, were you to achieve it, would also qualify you for the United States Open, which, as we said, is the most difficult tournament in the world to win, and a tournament whose final round is now traditionally contested on Father’s Day.

After all, any of us who began our odyssey into the great abyss of swing thoughts and three foot putts were likely first introduced to this game by our fathers. We each owe our paters for this; without them, we would never have learned the immutable truths of honesty and integrity, much less how to conduct ourselves in a gentlemanly manner, and most of all, how this beautiful contest of man versus himself teaches each of us more about ourselves.

With all of that being said, the 2008 U.S. Open is upon us. Tiger Woods seeks to become only the sixth man in the history of this championship to win at least three times. Much has been made of his assault on Jack Nicklaus’ record of eighteen major championships. Much more should be made of his quest to join the likes of Willie Anderson, Robert Tyre Jones, Jr., Ben Hogan, Jack Nicklaus, and Hale Irwin. These five titans of the game, underrated as some of them may be, hold a very special place in golf history.

So, as our national golf championship begins, we encourage you to enjoy every moment, drink in the sights and sounds, and when Sunday arrives, find your way into a place where you may spend a few hours watching this great spectacle with your father in mind, if not in presence. This is truly our tournament, and it is only fitting that it will be contested on a public course, much like the ones on which we all learned to play.

The people’s favorite is, of course, Tiger Woods, who will no doubt carry with him thoughts of his father on his final round. Phil Mickelson is considered to be another strong contender, and he will also carry strong thoughts of not only the gravity of this great championship, but also what this game means to the sense of family, as he is a renowned family man, and as he witnessed on the eighteenth green at Pinehurst, when another great family man, Payne Stewart, bested him for the U.S Open Championship.

Our plea to all of you is this: find some time this weekend to spend with your father, and should that not be possible, make a telephone call to him, and if that is not possible, at the very least, tune in to the final round on Father’s Day, and spend a few moments in thought, prayer, and appreciation of the man who, whether you realize it or not, helped mold you into the man you are today.

That my friends, is why this golf tournament is special.

We can certainly agree that commenting on any blog, newspaper website, online periodical, or any such item that permits commenting is indeed a privelege.  With that privelege comes a responsibility.  You have probably been reminded of as much, any time you decided to leave your thoughts behind, with a cursory warning about adhering to that site’s commenting policy.  Deadspin themselves set forth such a policy in their Commentist Manifesto.  Another favorite site of ours, The Big Lead, has their Commenters’ Bill of Rights.  On occasion, a commenter or two may get out of control, and the editors over there do a pretty good job of scrubbing offensive material from the site, and, given the disappearance of some of the most egregious offenders, likely administer their own version of the banhammer.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and, it is, in fact, to be applauded.  Nobody wants to be a part of, or hang out on, a blog’s comment section rife with meanspirited personal attacks, or any racially/gender/sexual orientation related comments that are blatantly offensive.  We certainly wouldn’t permit that here, and completely understand why other blogs would hold their commenters to their own standard.  However, the somewhat haphazard way in which these “ninjas” have seen fit to slash and burn their way through the Deadspin commentariat leaves us not only perplexed, but somewhat saddened.  To wit:  on a post titled Pretty Girls Make Easy Targets, featuring pictures of softball injuries, one time commenter Her? (this individual has since been banned), left a seemingly innocuous comment poking some fun at the new commenting standards, while making a joke about the attractiveness of the girls whose pictures were featured in the post.  Here is the content of the comment that resulted in the banning: With all the cracking down that’s going on, you would think it would include falsely using the word “pretty.”  Seems pretty harmless to us, although you may not find it funny, or may disagree with the commenter’s assessment, it’s not overtly offensive, and the commenter made no specific critique of either female’s appearance.  (We do find it appropriate to mention here that Deadspin is the first place we saw someone suggest that another individual “Get off your high Melissa Rivers”, a statement and mental image that still makes us laugh to this day.)  So, if you happen to be keeping score, the Deadspin comment ninjas consider it ok to refer to Melissa Rivers or Sara Jessica Parker as being horsefaced, but it is clearly out of bounds to suggest that the poster tossed around the adjective “pretty” a tad too freely.  Color us befuddled.

We first heard of this covert ninja activity while reading The Big Lead.  We then proceeded to read the post on Deadspin that created fear and consternation across the Deadspin commenting universe.  We checked back later, and found this post, which informed the commenting populace of an email address where commenters could ask questions, and, presumably, petition for a redress of grievances.  That post in turn lead us here, where The Rookies had posted a list of all banned commenters, and those who had been “destarred”.  The list of banned commenters left us stunned.  To fully understand, we should probably preface this with some background on how we came to read and enjoy various blogs, including Deadspin and  The Big Lead.

A shade under three years ago, as ESPN’s vaunted Page 2 effort was beginning to crumble, we ran across Dan Shanoff’s blog.  From there, we were exposed to a whole new side of the sports themed internet, namely, Deadspin, and The Big Lead.  From then on, all three of those sites were daily stops for us on our ever expanding tour of the internet.  Shanoff, while at times funny and enjoyable, managed to work his way out of our rotation for one reason or another.  Deadspin, however, became our first stop, and we read with increasing loyalty, and enjoyment.  The thing we enjoyed most, apart from Will Leitch’s excellent editorship, was the comment section.  It was there that we were introduced to a fascinating cast of characters, including Lady Andrea, Yostal, all of the guys who ended up starting Kissing Suzy Kolber, FiddlingWhileJimRomeBurns, ClintonPortishead, SEC Speed Kills, among others.  The daily comments were a joy to read, and read we did.  Almost every comment, every day.  Let us now fastforward a tad.

As all good things must come to an end, so too did Leitch’s stint as editor at Deadspin.  Around the same time, and probably a bit before, we found ourselves increasingly spending our internet time over at The Big Lead.  It seemed that Deadspin, sans Leitch, just didn’t quite suit what we were looking for in reading material, except for the always enjoyable comment section.  Even as we devoted more and more of our time to perusing other outlets, we always made a point to dial on over to Deadspin, if for nothing more than to check out the comments, as, in our opinion, that part of the site was more enjoyable anyway.  Imagine our shock this morning as we read the aforementioned post on TBL.  We were legitimately saddened.  Furthermore, once we found our way to the post by The Rookies, and read the list of dearly departed, we had just about decided that Deadspin was soon to go the way of Dan Shanoff in our reading habits.  All of the commenters we listed in the paragraph above, save for the KSK guys and Yostal, have been banned.  Sure, we never really knew these people, and had no real connection to them, in as much as we were not commenters, but suddenly Deadspin didn’t seem like the same place we had previously enjoyed.

Perhaps this new commenting policy won’t ruin Deadspin, and it might even make it more enjoyable.  We don’t know just yet.  However, we can’t help but feel that something that we truly enjoyed on a daily basis for over two years is gone forever, and it makes us a bit sad.  Here’s hoping that things work out for the best over there, and, maybe one day, we’ll be back to our old habits of daily perusal.  Unfortunately, today is not that day.  Until next time, so long everybody.

Here are the links we referenced above:

Only the Snarkiest Deadspin Commenters Will Survive (The Big Lead)

A Brief, Shady Announcement About Your Commenting Privileges… (Deadspin)

Your Profanity-Laced Tirades Will Now Be Taken Under Advisement (Deadspin)

The Deadspin Death Toll (The Rookies)

On paper, this looks like a no-brainer.  After all, the Lakers have Kobe.  And they play in L.A.  Those two factors have to be worth at least 2 or 3 games, right?  As Lee Corso (get well soon) might say, not so fast my friend.  The Sexytime Magic are the NBA equivalent of Utah or Boise State in a BCS bowl game.  Sure, their roster isn’t as talented.  Of course, they’ll have the coaching matchup appear on the debit side of their ledger.  However, they’re just awkward enough to beat teams they shouldn’t.  After the jump, more analysis fun.

First and foremost, the Lakeshow needs to find a way to mitigate their large disadvantage in the post.  Namely, how to keep Dwight Howard from racking up insane amounts of offensive rebounds.  Seems easy on its face, what with Gasol and Bynum, no?  Let’s actually examine it though.  Not sure where we heard this (ahem), but let’s go ahead and dispense with the notion that Pau Gasol is anything other than a liability on the defensive end of the floor.  In Bill Simmons’ marathon chat a couple of weeks ago, someone remarked that Gasol originally had the first name Paul, but was outrebounded for the L, so he was Pau from then on.  The sad fact is, that’s completely plausible.  As gifted as he is on offense, Gasol has the tremendous ability to disappear and give the impression that he doesn’t give a shit on the defensive end.  He’s turrrrible.  Howard will eat his lunch and dinner if Phil Jackson is dumb enough to let that matchup run too much in this series.  With Sexytime’s penchant for chucking from everywhere, rebounding on their offensive end will be at a premium.  Add to that the fact that the Sexytime Magic have legitimately four players on the floor at any given time that can fill it up, and the Lakers can’t really afford to leave guys alone to crash, or cheat toward the basket.  What’s that you say?  Andrew Bynum?  Well, on potential, that seems like a valid point.  However, as we have discussed in this space before, he looks and plays like Tracy Morgan in a fat suit on stilts.  Bynum has to be working his way into the conversation with other players who have all the talent in the world (supposedly; after all, that’s what we were all told), yet can’t seem to put it together in any meaningful way.  We’re really supposed to believe that a player that has a career average of 4.2 defensive RPG, and a 2009 playoff of 2.3 defensive RPG (Bynum), coupled with another guy with a career average of 6.1 defensive RPG, who have both struggled with bigs this postseason, are going to shut down probably the strongest center in the league, who, by the way, averages 3.6 offensive boards per game in his career, and over 4 per game in these playoffs?  Especially with Sexytime throwing it up from everywhere on the floor?  Sorry, we’re not buying it.

Granted, the Lakers do have the biggest advantage in this series, Kobe Bean Bryant.  Just keep in mind, the Cavaliers had a similar advantage in this past series.  Bottom line, the Finals won’t come down to what the Lakers can do on the offensive end.  They have to a) find a way to stop the Sexytime Magic, and/or b) hope that they have multiple cold nights from the field.  Don’t forget, the Cavs were the best defensive team in the league by any statistical measure.  Even given that fact, they were unable to hold multiple double digit leads, and unable to answer the bell in game 6 against a team that, make or miss, never stops shooting.  The Sexytime Magic are, to a man, unafraid of missing shots, and unafraid to keep putting it up.  If any of you happened to watch the 90 minute political ad known as “Kobe Doin’ Work”, then you’d know that Kobe functions best as a defender when he can help off of his man, and play center field, so to speak.  That is something he won’t be able to do against Sexytime.  With so many options, and so many guys who don’t shy from any shot, be it ill advised or not, the Black Mamba will certainly have to stay home on his man, which will no doubt create other opportunities for the other 3 shooters, and will serve to assist Superman in tackling the offensive boards.

We say all of that to say this.  Look, if forced to pick, we’d probably take the Lakers.  Probably in 6 games.  The point of all of this is to point out that just because LeBron isn’t here, that doesn’t mean that the Lakers will roll to the title.  We wouldn’t be surprised at all if the Sexytimes managed to somehow pull this one out.  If you recall our analogy from earlier, Oklahoma and Alabama were supposed to dominate lowly Boise State and Utah, respectively.  The lesson, as always, is that’s why they play the games.  Until next time, so long everybody.

We’ve been hearing over the past week or so some fairly interesting (and disturbing, in our opinion) things out of Atlanta concerning possible trade scenarios, specifically regarding right fielder Jeff Francoeur.  As of this posting, the Braves sit at 23-22, at third place in the NL East, just 2.5 games behind the division leading Phillies.  Any Braves fan who could be truly honest with himself would say that this is the best he could hope for.  Apparently, given the age in which we now live, where jounalists employed at traditional print outlets compete in a brutal marketplace along side sports talk radio and fan blogs of every shape and size in a game of constant one-ups manship to see who can have the loudest voice, farthest reach, and most ridiculous opinion, the effort shown by the Atlanta Braves to this point is not quite up to snuff.  Furthermore, all of the aforementioned rabble rousers have seen fit to direct their ire toward one player in particular, local high school legend turned hometown star, Jeff Francoeur.  Briefly perusing MLB Trade Rumors and their comment sections would give one the impression that Frenchy is mostly to blame for this allegedly subpar performance, and that he sits squarely atop the trading block for a team desperately in need of a big bat.  We take a bit of an issue with that stance.

First of all, we believe that most of this ill will is carried forward from last season, which everyone can agree was positively dreadful for Francoeur, and the Braves overall.  If you look a bit closer at this year’s performance, you will see that while Francoeur does rank at the bottom of everyday players in walks, and is second on the team in strikeouts, he is third on the team in RBI, one behind Casey Kotchman, and is third in total bases.  Francoeur is making $3.375 million this year, and is arbitration eligilble through 2011.  It is our opinion that the front office, spearheaded by GM Frank Wren, is using Francoeur as a scapegoat for their own shortcomings, and attempting to conceal their true motives.

Let’s address the first part of that last sentence.  After an offseason which left the Braves fanbase feeling like everyone’s backup prom date, Frank Wren is no doubt feeling some pressure to do something that at least has the appearance of keeping up with the Joneses of the NL East, the Phillies and the Mets.  Wren was publicly depantsed and emasculated by Rafael Furcal and the Dodgers, which slammed shut the door of possibility of trading Yunel Escobar to San Diego for Jake Peavey.  As if that were not enough, Wren was again used by Ken Griffey, Jr. to leverage what amounts to a lifetime contract with the Seattle Mariners.  Add to that the fact that the franchise also lost out on A.J. Burnett (which, on its own, was not a surprise to the objective viewer, but, when added to the above list, serves to pile another log on the fire currently smoldering under Wren’s office chair), and Brad Penny, and let John Smoltz walk away for what amounted to a small difference in salary, and opted to keep Tom Glavine, who now stands in the way of the ascension of phenom Tommy Hanson.  And if all of that is not enough, Wren also dealt outfielder Josh Anderson to Detroit, so that Jordan Schafer, riding the wave of a hot spring, could assume the starting responsibilities in center field.  Prior to spring training, it was assumed that Anderson would make the big league squad, and Schafer would continue to hone his game in AAA, just a short ride away in Gwinnett.  Instead of taking the more cautious approach, Wren pulled the trigger on the trade with the Tigers, and as of today, Schafer has accumulated only 9 more hits in twice as many plate appearances.  Had Wren held onto Anderson, the Braves outfield would likely not be viewed as the toxic waste dump it is today, and the need would not exist to attempt to make another panic driven snap trade, which will likely end up on the debit side of the Braves ledger, as opposed to the other way around.

That sickening sum total of those moves has now put Francoeur in a situation where the cost conscious Braves would like to unload him before having to sit down at the arbitration table, he no doubt feels unwanted by the favorite team of his childhood, and it seems a foregone conclusion that he will end this season wearing another uniform.  It has long been our opinion that when examining the big picture aspect of the Francoeur circumstance, there is no logical conclusion other than that the Braves and their fans have absolutely no right to complain about what they’re receiving from their starting right fielder.  This season is the first in which Francoeur will earn over $1 million, he has won a Gold Glove, still possesses one of the stronger outfield arms in the game, and, until recently, has been a fan favorite.  We are also of the opinion that Francoeur has, and always will be, unfairly judged against the accomplishments of one of his childhood friends, and another member of the “Baby Braves” that stormed into the bigs from AA to help the Braves win the last of their record string of Division titles, Brian McCann.  Again, to the impartial observer, this is a most unfair comparison.  McCann is among the elite catchers in the league, and, in today’s climate of instant analysis that seeks to measure all sports as if they were football, Francoeur cannot possibly be granted a fair performance review.

It is a sad state of affairs, and we predict that it can only end badly.  After all, if Francoeur is traded for a rent-a-player, the once proud Atlanta Braves franchise will still be saddled with the poor decisions and misdeeds of the past offseason, and the front office that brought them to fruition.  Until next time, so long everybody.

1. LeBron James – Cleveland Cavaliers
2. Darko Milicic – Detroit Pistons
3. Carmelo Anthony – Denver Nuggets
4. Chris Bosh – Toronto Raptors
5. Dwyane Wade – Miami Heat
6. Chris Kaman – Los Angeles Clippers
7. Kirk Hinrich – Chicago Bulls
8. T.J. Ford – Milwaukee Bucks
9. Michael Sweetney – New York Knicks
10. Jarvis Hayes – Washington Wizards

Our two cents from the armchair and the rest of the picks after the jump

1. LeBron James – No analysis needed here.  Regardless of whether he wins a title in Cleveland, or leaves for a bigger spotlight, drafting the best player in the draft, and future best player in the league (and a hometown kid to boot!) is a no-brainer.  The Cavs deserve some credit though, as this was a really good draft class, and other teams (see: Trailblazers, Portland) have managed to screw up worse sure things.
2. Darko Milicic – This pick, without a doubt, is roundly trashed more than any other in this draft, and we find it a bit unfair.  After all, Darko had a pretty good pedigree coming in, and the Pistons did go on to win a title.  What most seem to overlook as they cast their eyes down the list of later draftees (including us, until we had a recent conversation with a lifelong Pistons fan), is that a) none of the other players that could have gone second would have fit into the Pistons system (that did lead to a title, and six straight conference finals), and b) Larry Brown absolutely hates to play young players.  If the Pistons were to have drafted Carmelo Anthony, he likely wouldn’t have played much, and there wasn’t a ton of room for him anyway, with Tayshaun Prince already ensconced in the starting lineup.  Basically, with Larry Brown at the helm, this pick was going to be wasted anyway, and with Darko, the Pistons got to do so without drafting a player that would go on to be great on another team.  Above all else, it worked out for them.  Lucky or not, you can’t argue with the results.
3. Carmelo Anthony – This was, at the time, and still today, considered a great pick.  Anthony was coming off a fantastic college campaign, and has developed into a legit franchise guy, even if it did take him a little longer than his draft classmates.
4. Chris Bosh – While you can’t really argue with this pick, as Bosh did lead them to the playoffs last year (even if they were AS SOFT AS COTTONELLE TISSUE [thanks SAS]), and he did have a fantastic Olympic campaign, this marriage was never meant to last.  Bosh badly wants out of Toronto, and we assume that the feeling is mutual with all (10) Raptor fans.  Tough to say whether another player would have worked here.
5. Dwyane Wade – Widely considered the steal in this draft, even at five, there’s still a little more to the story than that.  Wade was lucky to be drafted by a team that didn’t have a front office full of dolts, and gave him enough pieces (Shaq) to win (steal) a title.  It’s tough to say that he belongs any higher in this draft, especially considering all of the factors we mentioned above.
6. Chris Kaman – This is where things start to get interesting.  While Kaman is far from terrible, there are plenty of guys further down the draft board you could make a stronger case for.  You need look no further than the team making the selection.
7. Kirk Hinrich – Hinrich is a solid contributor on an up and coming Bulls team, but there are certainly better players from this class at this position that were drafted much later.
8. T.J. Ford – Injury issues aside, Ford never developed into the type of player you’d want to take this high.  Safe to say we have our first bust.  (We don’t consider Darko a bust.  Like we said, that player was going to be wasted anyway.)
9. Michael Sweetney – Much like the Kaman pick, look no further than the team making the pick.  Nuff said.  Bust number two.
10. Jarvis Hayes – Quick!  There’s a run on busts!  Grab one while you can!  Again, injury played a part, but look just a bit further down and you’ll see considerably more value at the same position.

We won’t presume to intrude upon too much of your time, so, here are some of the highlights from outside the top ten, specifically those that make some of those first selections head scratchers.

• Mickael Pietrus – 11th overall to Golden State  Doesn’t he make much more sense at this point than Hayes?  This year’s playoffs say so.
• Marcus Banks – 13th overall to Memphis Grizzlies  Best known as trade fodder.
• David West – 18th overall to New Orleans Hornets  Casting aside his early struggles, he has blossomed playing along side Chris Paul, and makes a lot more sense at this point than players like Sweetney or Nick Collison.
• Sasha Pavlovic – 19th overall to Utah Jazz  When LeBron James openly lobbies for you to have more playing time, that probably means you can play.  Considerably more value here than Hayes or Reece Gaines
• Dahntay Jones – 20th overall to Boston Celtics  Originally relegated to the scrap heap, Jones has rejuvenated his career in Denver, and is a starter on a Nuggets team that is currently giving the Lakers all they want.
• Boris Diaw – 21st overall to Atlanta Hawks  When Diaw was sent west to Phoenix in a deal that returned Joe Johnson, the early returns on the Atlanta side of the ledger looked less than stellar.  However, Johnson has turned into a legitimate All Star, and Diaw looks to be a victim of stat inflation derived from playing in Mike D’Antoni’s up tempo offense.
• Kendrick Perkins – 27th overall to Memphis Grizzlies  Perkins is best known today for his role as a role player for the Celtics.  He probably gets a little more credit than he deserves, but you have to think that he’s at least better than Nick Collison or some of the bizarre Euros drafted ahead of him
• Leandro Barbosa – 28th overall to San Antonio Spurs  One time 6th Man of the Year, Barbosa could be another victim of stat inflation, but remains a solid contributor in Phoenix.
• Josh Howard – 29th overall to Dallas Mavericks  Probably the best candidate to make you think “Wow that really was a good draft”.  Quite a steal here.
• Luke Walton – 32nd overall to Los Angeles Lakers  He’s actually quite terrible (but makes such nifty passes!), and his significant minutes betray one of the glaring weaknesses in this year’s Lakers team.
• Zaza Pachulia – 42nd overall to Orlando Magic  Zaza came of age during last year’s first round for the Hawks, jawing face to face with Kevin Garnett.  He has seen an increased role since the departure of Josh Childress, and is significantly more valuable than others drafted ahead of him
• Mo Williams – 47th overall to Utah Jazz  The last player selected in this draft that has made an All Star team, Williams profile is no doubt illuminated by the brilliance of LeBron James.  Although he seems mouthy at times, there are certainly worse players to have as your starting point guard.

That puts a wrap on our not so brief trip down memory lane, and no doubt we’ve left off someone we shouldn’t have.  However, our list here does, we think, serve to underscore how talented the 2003 draft truly was, and how, even given such a deep talent pool, some teams continue to make ridiculously bad decisions.  That’s all for now.  So long everybody.

8:26 – Still have pregame over on ABC for the hoops, and we can’t watch Stuart Scott’s weird eye without getting queasy, so we’re over on ESPN2 watching the race pregame.  Rain has delayed tonights start, so we’ve got Brad Daugherty schooling us on the NASCAR drug policy.  We like Daugherty, and think he does a good job, but it’s a little weird seeing him as a NASCAR analyst.

8:36 – We flip back to hoops to see Trevor Ariza nail a jumper to tie the game at 4.  Kobe’s getting the treatment from the Nuggets fans.  Nice.

8:37 – Melo hits 1 of 2 free throws, and Denver’s up one.  Derek Fisher drives to the hoop, and gets fouled.  Pau Gasol “rebounded” his miss after the whistle.  Kind of sums up his effort level when it comes to rebounding.

8:39 – Chauncey Billups draws a foul on Andrew Bynum, or as we like to call him, Tracy Morgan on stilts in a fat suit.  He kind of plays like it if you think about it.

8:40 – Nevermind, that foul was on Kobe.  (Insert your own joke about alleged sex crimes here.)

8:41 – Anthony gets fouled again.  That’s three trips in a row that they’ve gotten to the line.  Not good news for the Lakers.

8:42 – After an Ariza airball (we knew he was shitty), Anthony drives and scores over Yi Jianlian’s chair, also known as Pau Gasol.  Here’s where we’d make a prediction, but last night’s Cavs game taught us all we needed to know about that.

8:44 – And just like that, three straight Laker buckets give them the lead.  They do need to stop the fouling though.

8:47 – Commercial time.  Good thing, this game is a tad sloppy.  Over on the deuce, it looks like we might get some racing soon.  Drivers are in the cars, and we’re about to fire the engines.

8:50 – Some guy that looked like a teacher we had in middle school just gave the command to start the engines.  Also, the Braves are leading the Blue Gheys 3-2 in the sixth.  Good stuff.

8:52 – Nice to see Bill Plaschke and J.A. Adande killing Bynum on their Twitter feeds.  Nene puts the Nuggets up six.

8:53 – Wow wow wee wow.  The Lakers have a three on one with Fisher, Gasol, and Ariza, and Melo not only breaks it up, but draws a foul.  Let’s just say that so far, this game is not aesthetically pleasing.  If it gets worse, we might have to drop a Bubba Sparxxx link in here.

8:55 – Kenyon Martin with a nifty little pass to Chris “Birdman” Anderson for a dunk.  We’re convinced that Birdman is only good because nobody can take him seriously with that ridiculous appearance.

8:57 – Kelly Johnson homers off of B.J. Ryan to extend the Braves lead to 4-2.  Thanks Twitter!

8:59 – How many more times over the next week are we going to WITNESS LeBron’s game winner from last night?  We’re putting the over/under at 1,000 times, and we feel completely confident in taking the over.

9:03 – Gasol with a nice hook shot to cut the lead to four.  He’s really good offensively, but he’s a huge liability on the defensive end.  You don’t see that very often from big men.

9:05 – An Odom bucket followed by a last second heave and miss from Anthony ends the first quarter.  Nuggets up by two.

9:06 – We’ve got a green/yellow start in Charlotte.  This thing could take a while.

9:10 – Reshuffling the field in Charlotte.  We might have green flag racing soon.  We’re going to take a break for a few.

9:17 – Green flag drops.  Kyle Busch looks like a man on a mission from back in the pack.  Carl Edwards with an early lead.

9:19 – Wow.  We didn’t realize Melo had 14 in the first quarter.  Looks like he can get whatever he wants whenever he wants it.  Nuggets up five.

9:25 – Kobe’s kind of good.  He’s got twelve, and he’s managed to tie the game.

9:27 – Quick flip back to NASCAR lets us know that we’re under caution for a wreck that was identical to at least three clips they showed in the prerace show.  That’s solid analysis.  Why can’t ESPN bring that kind of effort to all of their coverage?

9:29 – We’ll freely admit that we’re new to the whole Twitter thing, and don’t completely get it, but why are all of Bill Plaschke’s updates about something other than the game?  He’s talking about the kisscam, the fans, the lack of celebrities at the game, and the fact that he’s in the nosebleeds.  We’ve never read much (any) of his writing, but if that is indicative of his effort, the LA Times must be hurting for talent.  Or really really cheap.  Or both.

9:36 – Kyle Busch started dead last, and is currently fifth.  He’s a first class prick, but man can he drive.

9:37 – An Anthony jumper gives the Nuggets a five point lead with a little over a minute to go in the first half.  We have no idea how this game is this close.  Denver is playing much better.

9:39 – Pretty solid and good looking block by Kenyon Martin on Kobe’s shot sends the entire announcing crew into an uproar about goal tending.  Since they weren’t on camera at the time, we couldn’t see if they had a straight face or not, but we certainly couldn’t call that a goal tend with a straight face.

9:42 – After an Ariza three, Klieiza gets T’d up for getting tangled up with Gasol in a really lame Euro on Euro flop waiting to happen.

9:43 – Birdman has thirteen (!), and Anthony has 18 at the half, as the Nuggets lead by four.

9:54 – After a brief respite to grab a fresh brew, the halftime show has devolved into all LeBron, all the time.  We’re starting to think that the over/under of 1,000 for replays of last night’s game winner is painfully low.  We’d give you a race update, but we’ve got a mean string of commercials going on.

9:57 – Kyle Busch is now leading in Charlotte.  In baseball news, the Braves beat Toronto, the Mets have taken the lead over Boston, and the Marlins are tied with Tampa.  How is the National League vastly inferior to the American League?  That’s the conventional wisdom, anyway.  We could use an explanation.

10:07 – Cycling through green flag pit stops in Charlotte.  Back in Denver, the Nuggets still lead by three, and are having none of this Kobe driving to the hoop business.

10:09 – The Lakers look absolutely inept on the offensive end, and Kobe just picked up his third foul.  How does this team score so many points?

10:10 – Nuggets lead balloons to seven, and LA takes a timeout.  Stern might have to get Tim Donaghy out of prison if he wants to keep his Kobe-LeBron finals matchup alive.

10:18 – NBA officiating is atrocious.  Jones just put both of his hands squarely on Kobe’s back and pushed him, and it’s not a flagrant foul.  Unreal.

10:19 – Fisher does a good job to break up a fast break, and the play devolves into a game of grabass at midcourt.  This game is just sloppy.

10:20 – Now Fisher gets a T for playing slap hands with Kenyon Martin.  We’re close to pulling the plug.

10:22 – Kyle Busch is checked the eff out.  He has a 1.7 second lead.  Alright folks, we think we’ve had all we can take.  We’ll be back tomorrow with something else new and fun.  Until then….

This Memorial Day weekend appears, from a distance, to be chock full of all sorts of fixes for every sports junkie.  Unfortunately, upon closer inspection, this is sadly not the case.  Oh, sure, there’s interleague baseball (this needs to be added to Crash Davis’ Constitutional Amendment that outlaws Astroturf and the designated hitter), college baseball conference tournaments (seriously how is it possible that Duke might play in the ACC championship?), the Indy 500 (we’re not interested unless Danica Patrick either wins, or decides to drive sans clothing, or both, and let’s face it, neither is happening), the Coca-Cola 600 (we love NASCAR but this race takes for-e-ver), NHL playoffs (which would be much more intriguing if, you know, you didn’t have to forrage through the upper end of your 600+ channels to find them on tv), and the NBA playoffs.  The NBA playoffs are the only legit must watch event on that entire list.

Last night, we were all WITNESSES to an incredible end to a great game, thanks to LeBron James and his last second shot that was so great, it overshadowed the fact that the Orlando Magic were 1 second from going back to the House The Mouse Built with a commanding 2 game lead.  Also, it should be noted, that we’re going to start referring to the Magic by their new nickname, the Sexytime Magic.  We feel that some sort of explanation is due.  Back in the 80’s the Lakers weren’t just the Lakers.  They were the Showtime Lakers.  Today, the Sexytime Magic appear to casual fans to be led by Dwight Howard, and his awesome shot clock breaking abilities.  However, if you look just a bit closer, the success of Sexytime has a lot more to do with the play of Hedo Turkoglu.  Since he’s from Turkey, we assume (or think it’s funny to imagine) that he sounds kind of like Borat.  We could totally see him asking some unsuspecting female at Disney World about making sexytime.  Therefore, they are now the Sexytime Magic.  This is not up for debate.

We’ll be checking back in later in the weekend with our thoughts and armchair analysis on everything we just trashed above, and maybe a live blog or two.  You never know.  Until then, so long everybody.