It’s a Monday today, and I must say — this is the first time I’ve seen that the place isn’t packed. Then again, I usually venture to MOA Square during weekends, so that may be why.

Now on to the steak itself. Or should I say steaks, since the Assorted Cut is just that: cuts from assorted steaks.

Well… It’s not really something to write home about. The cuts themselves are pretty tender (and one or two were on the chewy side because I must have chances upon a tendon or something), but the taste… As someone who doesn’t really put condiments on the food I eat except for Knorr Liquid Seasoning (haha), I expect my food to be tasty. This wasn’t.

Kudos for the quick service, though. Of course it’s a pretty slow day today (and I arrived early at 6 p.m.), but even when I was lucky to get a spot during one of those weekends, I got my steak at a reasonable time.

But maybe that’s the lesson I need to learn, and why it seems like my relationships are a repeat of the past.

I kept on bargaining that I no longer know. Passive-aggressive reasoning engulfed me, and I was too undisciplined to journal my thoughts, my bargaining process. And so here I am again, hoping because I never stood my ground against my own efforts.

But the fact that I’m still hopeful and may have conveniently forgotten the terms of my bargain with the universe means that I am unwilling to let go, that I remain hopeful. Shouldn’t that count for something?

The first few days I learned of the news that was, to put it bluntly, kinda expected. But it hurt all the same. What hurt all the more was that he never told me. He could have, but he didn’t. I harbored no illusions that I was the only one (or, okay, maybe I did kind of deluded myself for a while), but I expected that we were friends enough (and he was man enough) for him to tell me. Evidently, I was wrong. Or I was right, in the sense that I knew that he was still immature and a bit selfish. And, well, so am I.

If I keep on writing like we are similar, it’s not really a form of sugarcoating or at the very least protecting him, but it’s true. We are similar. Perhaps that really is the reason that I am drawn to him — I felt like he was like me, that we are kindred spirits. I still think we are, although I find that I am more mature and evolved. Oh, I know somewhere in there is an emotional man filled with hurt and insecurity (like me), and that he has an awareness of it, but outwardly he tries not to show it, and puts up this bravado of not caring. But I know he does. Inside he’s hurting, just like me. And what pains me is that I couldn’t get past that — partly because I didn’t know how, mostly because lately I’ve also been engulfed in my own worries and honestly, a little fed up that I seem to be always the understanding one.

I could beat myself up, thinking that I should have been more understanding. But would I always want to be that person? I may have also reached my limit. If I’m empty myself, what else could I give?

And oh, my fragile ego. He has chosen. And it’s not me. How it hurts, but I couldn’t ask for him to return to me. Heaven knows I want to, but it’s time to not be selfish and just let things be. Wish happiness for everyone. A part of me will always wish that he returns, that in the end it’s really us, but I don’t want to burden the universe with a wish that isn’t meant to be.

But the weirdest part is… I still believe that we are.

A good part of my night was spent getting acquainted with the app. I was planning to share a journal entry to my blog, but thought better of it. Maybe someday when I’m more comfortable with sharing my thoughts again.

In other news, I finally bought an iPad! I’ve been meaning to for the past few months (I think April last year, haha), but I kept on pushing it back because I bought a laptop for work. It’s a Windows one so that I can sync well with my office desktop (I’m a tech purist, so it annoys me if the programs across my devices are different).

I was deciding whether I should buy an iMac or a MacBook, but ultimately decided on getting an iPad when I realized that I get tired easily after being hunched over a laptop for work (don’t ask why I don’t have better posture :D). And then when I decided to get an iPad, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get an iPad Pro or an iPad Air. The iPad wasn’t one of my options, because I wanted a magnetic Apple Pencil and keyboard (yes, when I buy tech stuff I splurge). While I got tempted by the iPad Pro because of its M1 chip and the screen size (not to mention that it has a really good keyboard and, yes, a magnetic pencil), thankfully the iPad got updated. I figured that I just really needed something for my hobby and leisure activities, and not a workhorse that I would need for work (hence, the original determination of whether I would get an iMac, MacBook, or iPad Pro because I know when I work I have lots of Word, Acrobat and File Explorer windows open).

So anyway, this has become a lengthy post (and I was just going to place this as an “aside”, thinking it’ll be just a one-paragraph blog entry). I’m really glad I decided to buy a keyboard because it’s so useful! The pencil, not as much (and actually this is also the case with my touchscreen laptop that came with a stylus … I have a Lenovo Yoga 6), but you never know, I just might end up drawing in my spare time. (Now, really?!)

So now I have no more time to watch an episode of Defending Jacob. Oh well, there’s tomorrow.

It’s no secret I worked myself to the bone the past few months, where I just stopped to eat, sleep, or attend to other bodily needs. But at the start of the year, I decided that I needed some form of recreation, and the easiest was to watch a movie. And so, I subscribed to discovery+ (not much interested me except for the Spice Girls documentary show Spice Girls: How Girl Power Changed the World) and HBO Go (where I got to see the Harry Potter 20th Anniversary: Return to Hogwarts, Wonder Woman 1984, and Zack Snyder’s Justice League).

But even after that, I still don’t feel motivated. Just going through the motions now. Maybe I should return to commenting on old music videos on my other blog? We’ll see.

It’s been sitting in my living room for nearly a month now, patiently waiting for me to give it a go. I was reluctant to do so because the instruction manual said that during its first run, it had to be “on” for 24 hours. Since I bought near the holidays, which I spent NOT at the unit, I just didn’t try.

I remember what pushed me into buying the dehumidifier. There was mold growth in the bathroom. Since the bathroom didn’t have any exhaust fan nor a window, I figured the next best thing is to buy a dehumidifier.

I actually have a mini dehumidifier in the bathroom, but I invested in a bigger one to dehumidify my small unit. I also bought three digital hygrometers, placed in different areas of the unit (bathroom, kitchen/entryway, bedroom), to check the humidity. I’m thinking of buying another to place in the living room, but then again, that would be redundant as the dehumidifier obviously has a humidity monitor.

I’m pretty satisfied with it, since it was able to bring down the humidity to 46% from a high of 60+% in less than 12 hours.