The immortalists – The Boston Globe

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True story…a daughter tells her mother after many soulful, advice seeking, long-distance phone calls, “You know, ma you are right!  The older you get the smarter you get!”  I can hear a horde of comedians doing entire routines based on this and laughing at the daughter’s epiphany about her mother.  Yet, there is a grain of truth to her observation.  We do get smarter as we get older…experiences, good and bad, enhance our character and increase our wisdom and it feels great to bask in that wisdom—finally!  Where were those ‘smarts’ when we were young and impulsive?

Unfortunately, there are many men and women who philosophically learn the right thing to do, but when it comes to practical application of that wisdom, they fall short.  For instance, bad relationships are like childbirth…they can be long, drawn out; laboriously painful experiences that we swear will never be repeated.  After all, who would subject themselves to that sort of pain?  “What do I look like?  A masochist?”

Then, once the pain is over (and in the case of childbirth) and the newborn looks at us with big innocent eyes, we forget all the misery.

Unfortunately, more often than not, when those sad, pleading eyes from the pain-inducing adult look at the recipient of their negativity and all the good things return (albeit temporarily), they conveniently forget the misery.  Does that mean that they are all puppy like Pollyannas?  Are they really that oblivious to the wisdom and advice they would give their best friend in the same situation?

Misery loves company.  We seek out others who are in the same situation as we are to affirm that what we are doing is ‘normal’.

The bottom line is that “When you are in love the whole world is Irish, Jewish, Polish, African American, abusive, an alcoholic, etc.”  Just fill in the blanks like the fun game “Mad Libs”.

Are we smarter as we mature?  We definitely are intellectually smarter, but not necessarily realistically smarter.

Is Karma Real?  I believe that whatever you call it, there is a plan.  Someone said that there are no coincidences and I am inclined to agree.

“With one breath: with one flow: you will know Synchronicity” – The Police
Wikipedia says:  In his book Synchronicity (1952), Jung tells the following story as an example of a synchronistic event: “A young woman I was treating had, at a critical moment, a dream in which she was given a golden scarab. While she was telling me this dream, I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned round and saw a flying insect knocking against the window-pane from the outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab one finds in our latitudes, a scarabaeud beetle, the common rose-chafer (Cetonia aurata), which contrary to its usual habits had evidently felt the urge to get into a dark room at this particular moment. I must admit that nothing like it ever happened to me before or since.”

Wikipedia says this about Coincidences: Coincidence lack a definite causal connection. Any given set of coincidence maybe just a form of synchronicity, that being the experience of events which are causally unrelated, but the experience of them occurring together carries meaning to the person observing the events. (In order to count as synchronicity, the events should be unlikely to occur together by chance.)

Without making this too personal, beginning sometime around the beginning of 2009, an old friend ‘re-entered’ my life.  I took it to be a happy occasion, but I began to notice a series of extremely negative events that occurred throughout the recconection…I am not superstitious, nor am I particularly religious, but definitely spiritual and a “humanist” of sorts.  I just saw the coincidences of the negative events as too coincidental…as much as I enjoyed having an old new friend, the uneasy feeling which resulted needed to be addressed.

I enjoy my friends and “collect people”, in only the nicest definition of that phrase, yet I did not want to risk another negative incident in my life as a result of this friend.  I ‘disconnected’ the friendship and have noticed a more positive wave in my life.  What does it mean?  I really couldn’t say, but right now I am not ready to test either Karma, Synchronicity, or Coincidence….I guess being a risk taker (even in the stock market or scratch tickets) is not in my stars…

"The Cardiac Kid"

On one cold rainy night in March three years ago I remember being transported out of my home by ambulance to MGH after suffering a major heart attack. I was very fortunate to survive the ordeal and give many thanks for a second chance at life. But what happened in ICU is well documented. I met my crew chief and now best friend, Joe Ardine. No, we weren’t “racers” per say at the time but we were both experienced mechanics and had been around racing and fast cars our whole lives. Our love and passion for the sport was embedded deep in our souls as we both had a long yearning to turn left. It was fate that brought us together, we damn near died, at the same time, wound up in the same hospital, had the same doc’s and ended up sharing a room in cardiac intensive care. The days and nights went by slowly but it was our time together that healed our wounds. Life was about to change for us forever.

As we were being discharged from the hospital I said to Joe if the doc’s give us a clean bill of health what do you think about buying a late model and having some fun? I’m sure he was thinking that I was full of b/s. Well 6 months later, sitting in the doc’s office, I got the green flag, called Joe right up and said let’s go find a car. I thought he was gonna choke. That’s how it all started for WC Racing, aka: “The Cardiac Kids”.

We struggled terribly our first year in a car that had more ghosts in it than all of Salem. Couple that with our inexperience and wow, a recipe for failure. Or was it? We learned so much in that short year as we rolled up our sleeves, worked real hard and made every show. We bought a proven car this past season, made every show again and this time had something for everyone else. No, we didn’t win any races but we were in them all and had something like 14 top tens and a couple of top fives in eighteen starts.

This year WC Racing is building a new car from the ground up. No more hand me downs, no excuses. We are committed to not only being a competitive team, but the one to watch. The lights in our shop burn bright night after night just for the chance to put that nose across the finish line first. Let’s go racing!
WC Racing, The Cardiac Kids

Bill Bernard, Driver, Mechanic
Joe Ardine, Crew Chief
Mike Ross, Mechanic

On February 12, 2009,  and subsequently on February 13, 2009, the lives of many people in my circle changed.  When the situation was described to my nephew, his comment became the title of this posting.  It struck a perfect chord with me and so here it is:

Karma IS a mean damn bitch.

Wikipedia explains Karma this way:  The philosophical explanation of karma can differ slightly between traditions, but the general concept is basically the same. Through the law of karma, the effects of all deeds actively create past, present, and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one’s own life, and the pain and joy it brings to him/her and others. The results or ‘fruits’ of actions are called karma-phala. In religions that incorporate reincarnation, karma extends through one’s present life and all past and future lives as well. OR more simply put:  If we accept that the logical ethical consequence of the law of karma is to behave responsibly, and the tenet of the law of karma is essentially “if you do good things, good things will happen to you — if you do bad things, bad things will happen to you,” then it is possible to identify analogs with other religions that do not rely on karma as a metaphysical assertion or doctrine.

A Hindu God of some sort.

Additionally, I must add that Life is ironic. So, now, I patiently compartmentalize the varieties of stress–each into it’s own personalized box in my soul to take out later, brush it off, pass judgement on it and sentence it when I can handle each one.  To allow the contents of  all those neatly tied up boxes loose, at one time, would create even more havoc in my life and I’m not sure how my Karma spirits will  evolve unless I’m very careful.

Now, generally speaking I don’t tend to be a religious type of person, rather I see myself as the ultimate spiritualist or “humanist” as a former boss of mine once referred to me.  So, if believing in the concept of Karma will help me get through the muck and the mire, then I’m all for it.  The details of all the Karma around me “farting” are not important, let’s just say that there are mixed outcomes as a result of all of it.

Buddha

August 29, 2008

Statement of NOW PAC Chair Kim Gandy on the Selection of Sarah Palin as John McCain’s Vice Presidential Pick Sen. John McCain’s choice of Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his running mate is a cynical effort to appeal to disappointed Hillary Clinton voters and get them to vote, ultimately, against their own self-interest.

Gov. Palin may be the second woman vice-presidential candidate on a major party ticket, but she is not the right woman. Sadly, she is a woman who opposes women’s rights, just like John McCain.

The fact that Palin is a mother of five who has a 4-month-old baby, a woman who is juggling work and family responsibilities, will speak to many women. But will Palin speak FOR women? Based on her record and her stated positions, the answer is clearly No.

In a gubernatorial debate, Palin stated emphatically that her opposition to abortion was so great, so total, that even if her teenage daughter was impregnated by a rapist, she would “choose life” — meaning apparently that she would not permit her daughter to have an abortion.

Palin also had to withdraw her appointment of a top public safety commissioner who had been reprimanded for sexual harassment, although Palin had been warned about his background through letters by the sexual harassment complainant.

What McCain does not understand is that women supported Hillary Clinton not just because she was a woman, but because she was a champion on their issues. They will surely not find Sarah Palin to be an advocate for women.

Sen. Joe Biden is the VP candidate who appeals to women, with his authorship and championing of landmark domestic violence legislation, support for pay equity, and advocacy for women around the world.

Finally, as the chair of NOW’s Political Action Committee, I am frequently asked whether NOW supports women candidates just because they are women. This gives me an opportunity to once again answer that question with an emphatic ‘No.’ We recognize the importance of having women’s rights supporters at every level but, like Sarah Palin, not every woman supports women’s rights.

There are so many things we can make choices about in our lives:

Food
Alcohol
Cigarettes
Spouse
Friends
Not relatives!
Religion
Career
Morals
Geography
Vehicle
Education
Children
Pets
Exercise

In life, we are constantly making choices.  Some choices we agonize over and some choices we instinctually make without thought.  We base our choices on nature AND nurture…some choices are biological and some are taught. 

Wars are fought over choices that two individuals make, two countries make, two religious groups make.  The unfortunate truth is that these wars ignite when either of the two do not respect the other’s prerogative to live with their choices.

There are many of us, even in this country of “liberty” who feel that those who do not make the same choices as we, are ignorant, stupid, going to hell, not saved, “up tight”, out of touch, immoral, bigoted, anti-Semitic, homophobic, liberal, exhibitionist, introvert, conservative…and so on.

None of us is more right than anyone else.  We need to accept other individuals’ choices, not attempt to forcefully impose our choices on others–not live in fear as a result of being uneducated and uninformed about another’s life choices.  Appreciate the differences.  Or as the French so perfectly put it…”viva la difference”…embrace the difference.

There are two poems by Robert Frost which embrace this laisez-faire philosophy and just happen to be my favorite poems..they say it all to me!

The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood  
And looked down one as far as I could  

To where it bent in the undergrowth;   
Then took the other, as just as fair,  
And having perhaps the better claim  

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;  
Though as for that, the passing there  
Had worn them really about the same, 
And both that morning equally lay  

In leaves no step had trodden black.  
Oh, I marked the first for another day!  
Yet knowing how way leads on to way  
I doubted if I should ever come back. 

I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,  
I took the one less traveled by,  

And that has made all the difference.

 
Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
by Robert Frost
Whose woods these are I think I know.
 His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

 The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

 

I would be doing a grave injustice if at the commencement of the DNC Convention, I did not include this part of the platform that speaks to choices. I base my choices on information and education.  I look at facts and of course emotion!  What I personally would do for myself…is just that..it is personal and it would be my choice as is every other individual able to make choices to fit their lifestyle and beliefs.  I neither condemn nor approve their choices…they too are personal!

The Democratic Party strongly and unequivocally supports Roe v. Wade and a woman’s right to choose a safe and legal abortion, regardless of ability to pay, and we oppose any and all efforts to weaken or undermine that right.

The Democratic Party also strongly supports access to comprehensive affordable family planning services and age-appropriate sex education which empower people to make informed choices and live healthy lives. We also recognize that such health care and education help reduce the number of unintended pregnancies and thereby also reduce the need for abortions.

The Democratic Party also strongly supports a woman’s decision to have a child by ensuring access to and availability of programs for pre- and post-natal health care, parenting skills, income support, and caring adoption programs.

Don’t Break Out the Champagne Just Yet
Below the Belt: A Biweekly Column by NOW President Kim Gandy
August 21, 2008

Let me begin by saying I do not support Senator McCain, nor do I support Senator Obama.  So this is neither an endorsement nor a condemnation of either candidate…merely observations.  I don’t want another President who wants to be King!

 The confession is that I am a member of AARP and the question is does that make me less competent or less entitled to a job than someone who is younger? 

Age is an integral part of everything in Politics–from Paris Hilton’s answer to Senator McCain (see video clip a the bottom of the blog) to the press’s ongoing bias for Senator Obama because of his “energy” and “young approach”

 All other political party platforms aside, and assuming Senator McCain is in good mental and physical health, does age make him less qualified? 

Sadly, I hear on the news my children’s generation thinking it is time for the Boomer Generation to step aside—after all, we have had our turn—right?  I don’t think so.  Most Boomers that I know are active, energetic, intelligent and vital people who still have a great deal to offer.  Unfortunately, even many Boomers who would like to retire (not in a rocker, but maybe as a rocker) cannot afford to do so in today’s economy.

In conclusion, I really do not know for whom to vote…perhaps I could write in Betty Boop?

Click here for: Paris Hilton’s Response to John McCain”

As we age, the family dynamic changes.  We, who were the youngsters, have now moved up the familial hierarchical ladder a couple of rungs…to a level that sometimes makes us dizzy…we are not sure how we got there so fast.

We thought that we would always be the tight family unit and that we are special.  Our siblings would always want to be part of our lives, just like before, and the expanded and expanding family would embrace all new members.

The reality is, that although our roots are similar (I say similar instead of the same purposefully), each sibling’s life experience(s) change the ingredients to produce different values, goals, passions, and raison d’etre!

The question is whether or not our elders felt the same way…did the family bond seem to slip through THEIR fingers and they yearned for the unity of THEIR youth, when they reached the top rungs…

Technology is great…it allows us to communicate instantaneously with our friends, acquaintances, and family members around the world…but, it also distances us from them.  In youth, we explore new and exciting geographies, settle down and drift away from the extended family warmth and support we had.

With the passing of each family elder, we run the risk of losing the unity that keeps us grounded.