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I see many similarities between this phase in life and toddler life.  This realization brings some much-needed levity into the picture and often occupies my mind while I bite  my tongue.  Here’s part one of a series on teens, toddlerhood and navigating the road to independence together.

Click here to be re-directed to the new site and keep reading!

A big shout out and thanks to the folks at Teach.com for picking up a piece I’ve written on Eight Tips for Successful Closure to the School Year.

How many days of school left for you?  Make the best of ’em!

P.S.  Next week I’ll be launching our redesigned website.  Be on the lookout and watch for how to keep following Wonder of Children.

Here we go again – in most parts, the end of school is imminent. My kids have less than 20 school days left.  It’s felt like a long spring, punctuated by chilly, damp weather and a longing to just be done with this year.  I’ve written about spring before and honestly, when I first considered this time of year this year, it felt a little wonky.

I zipped up my vest to my chin and  inhaled deeply, realizing my oldest will soon be a senior.  I smile as I reflect on how the transition to high school turned out to be remarkably smooth for my youngest.  I watch young children skittle down the sidewalk ahead of moms, chasing butterflies or racing up the steps to the bakery for a cookie while moms’ reminders fall  on deaf ears. I know later today my kids will take some downtime after school and then delve into homework and, of course, cruise the internet for school and leisure.  The contrast can between carefree skipping and the dogged pursuit of making it to the end of a high school year make me long for earlier springs.  Life seems more complex, more demanding, even for teenagers. But I know this is just the next step along their path and the same principles that helped us all through earlier years, still apply.

Many of us have idyllic images of teen years, thanks to Hollywood and popular culture.  My generation grew up on  Happy Days, and Family Ties  Subsequent generations had Freaks and Geeks and  Glee.  These media images are, of course, far more glorious and perfect than our actual high school life, yet many times we recall the “glory days” of high school or we expect that it’s an easy ride for today’s high schoolers.

It can be hard to see it for what it really is.  With the pressure of school, social life and trying to “become what thou art,” I’m not sure today’s teens feel their life is a rah-rah as some think it should be.   These kids  have a lot on them, no matter who they are, where they live or what they do. Even if they are lucky enough to live in middle class suburbia or city life, where all or most of their basic needs met, I’d argue that the cumulative demands on today’s teens exceed what any of us experienced. Honestly, it makes me a little sad that some are living with such pressure on them at an early age, with decades more on the horizon and a future job market/climate  which nobody can really define yet.

On the other hand, it gives teens a glimpse into what lies ahead and how they will want to manage life on their own. How they’ll juggle multiple demands? Decide when to log in and log off? How to advocate for themselves and others? How to ask for help?  How to fail? How to laugh?  How to learn? How to figure out what and who they really love?

For adults, it can be challenging to help them see that this stage in life should  be a time of freedom, exploration, a robust social life for those who desire that, and a window into who we are and who we might become as we learn in the classroom and outside.  Little  that happens during this time defines them, places them in a box, or keeps them from pursuing what they love. More importantly, it lets adults show then how a healthy dose of optimism, sheer determination, and a growth mindset will help them rise above any challenge.

This is a time that should be full of opportunities and explorations allowing  each learn to do the work they are required to do so they can find the time to discover what makes them really excited and engaged. After all, that’s what adults eventually end up doing – finding a way to meet our obligations so that we can pursue our passions? If we are really lucky – and really deliberate – we find ways that the line between obligation and passion is blurred or nonexistent.  Many of our teens are caught straddling that line at a time when their bodies are rapidly changing and the demands and inputs are coming at them 24.7.  No wonder true life not as glossy as it is in Hollywood.

As I’ve tried to make sense of modern family life and understand these people who look adult but are not quite there yet, I’ve come to view teenage years as a variation on the toddler years.  It’s helped me empathize with them a bit more and also recognized when they continue to need clear boundaries and sometimes, a plain old reality check. They need food, rest, and clear boundaries now, just as they did when they were becoming bipeds.

As with yoga, riding the ocean swells of teen years requires strength and balance, an awareness of the surroundings and an ability to wait and watch when the ocean requires  self-control.  It also means having a solid foundation on which to teeter and balance.  Hopefully, the life experiences and lessons logged over the past decade or so provide some stability for both teens and parents.

Stop back next time to read how it’s possible to develop more empathy and perspective taking for teens.

Triple thanks, this post!

First, I’m tickled to have one of my posts featured this week on Teach.com’s blog.  Thanks to the Teach.com folks for featuring my writing.  If you don’t already know Teach.com,  is a comprehensive resource for information on becoming  a great teacher in any state across the country.  It’s aim is to provide all the information necessary to become a teacher no matter where you live.  It’s a rich resource for staying current on trends in teaching and teacher training, made possible through the University of Southern California’s Rossier School Online.  Be sure to check them out, whether you’re staying current, want to further your teaching career, or both!

Second,  thanks to my fellow teachers who made this post, and my work, possible.  They all are a reflection  of the commitment to  the positive development of children, best teaching practices and life long learning.  The folks at the Northeast Foundation for Children’s Responsive Classroom have been essential to  my development as a teacher by shaping my view of children and teaching, and challenging me to dig deeper with my own understanding.  I’ve been fortunate enough to receive tremendous support as an adult learner from them.  It goes without saying that the incredible faculty of St. Anne’s School of Annapolis who shared a week of hard work and laughter with me last August also deserve a hearty thanks! This group of dedicated, smart and compassionate teachers dug into the content of the week and have been plugging along implementing the approach in their teaching every day since.

Third, thanks to those of you who continue to stick with Wonder of Children and follow the posts, share your stories and post comments. Many of you are also colleagues and parents, which makes it all the more special. Without that interaction, it would all be silent characters on the screen!

Each of these three  serve as a reminder of the hard work and dedication on the part of many, many educators and parents that enrich not only the lives of our students and families, but also each teacher’s life and work experience.  I don’t just have to work, but I choose to work because of  people like you who share the a passionate commitment to the children and families in our schools.

Arnold Gesell (1881-1960)  is one of the most well-known researchers in the field of child development.  Much of his work, from the Yale Clinic of Child Development and later at the Gesell Institute of Child Development, was based on the simple premise that behavior is a function of structure and that humans develop in a patterned, predictable way.  Gesell and colleagues studied children for decades to gather “norms,” i.e. normative patterns of behavior and hallmarks from their clinical observations. Even though this data was collected nearly a generation ago, it has been refined and updated, and it remains very much the same today as when it was identified.  At each developmental stage, researchers were able to identify characteristic patterns of:

• Mental and physical organization
• Social and emotional behaviors
• Play interests and activities

It was found that these behaviors involve a combination of interaction between child and environment (including other people) and acknowledged individual differences, however, developmental sequences were proven to be similar from child to child and across varying cultures.  Following Gesell’s retirement, Dr. Louse Bates Ames, Dr. Frances Ilg, and Dr. Janet Learned continued his work by founding the Gesell Institute of Child Development and to this day, the institute examines the concept of developmental age  and school placement.   From their website^:

Understanding stages of child growth and development and using this knowledge to interpret behaviors, plan appropriate curricula, and manage the classroom are essential to quality teaching practices. Such understanding is also integral to quality parenting, and in implementing best practices in all professions working with children.

After the last two posts, I’ve had requests for further reading and thought on mindfulness, meditation and yoga, for both children and adults.  If you’re thinking about mindfulness and how it might influence your work, check out these quick reads:

Mindfulness, Meditation, Wellness and Their Connection to Corporate America’s Bottom Line

Teachers Tuning In

Mindfulness Resources

Taking Care of Teacher

If you’d like a more in-depth looks, check out these, available through the Amazon links or at your local book store or library:

Mindful Teaching and Teaching Mindfulness

Planting Seeds:  Practicing Mindfulness with Children

Yoga Kids: Educating the Whole Child Through Yoga

The Mindful Child: How to Help Your Child Manage Stress, Become Happier, Kinder and More Compassionate

If you’ve got other favorite reads or resources, please post under comments!

I recently attended the Courageous Schools: Teaching & Leading in Tough Times workshop, part of the Mindfulness in Education Network Conference. I can’t say enough about the value of spending a day among colleagues who work so enthusiastically with children and families, but who also value the quiet time needed to go within in order to sustain the rich work executed on behalf of others.  In just a few short hours, the climate and format of the day allowed for some much-needed reflection and listening. It stressed the importance of taking care of oneself and of others, in both simplistic and complex ways.

Listening is one way to take care of others, but it’s both simple and challenging. To help practice for those challenging times, we practiced deliberate skills for better listening.  As we processed the challenges and feelings associated with true listening, a theme that came up.  Often, it seems, despite feelings of trust and congeniality among teaching staff and communities, the pace and demands of daily life often strip people of some very basic human skills like listening and taking care of one another. In the absence of these positive interactions, and true listening, uncertainty, fear, frustration emerge.  It makes us feel crummy. Or angry.  Or insecure. Whether or not we like to admit it, that impacts our work with children and families.  It’s essential that we listen and care about the adults, as well as the children, in our communities.

The day also allowed participants the opportunity to build trust in small groups and open up to some very deep sharing, if that suited their comfort level.  It reiterated the ideas articulated by  Marianne Williamson and Brene Brown about vulnerability and fear.  Once we accept that we are all vulnerable and that we all have the capacity to show compassion and empathy, it opens the door to risk taking and growth.  As teachers, we ask children to do this every day;  in our own busy adult lives, it can become extremely difficult – if not impossible – to be open to taking risks ourselves.  Without pushing ourselves to the edge of our comfort zone, how do we grow? How do we learn? How do we contribute? We must strive to set a climate of trust and compassion, so that we can work effectively, deliberately, passionately, and stretch beyond what we think is possible.

When I returned home, I was refreshed and able to get back to tackling a variety of projects that vexed me and forced me to Venn Diagrams. This clarity let me work more productively and with more creativity.  Here are four pieces of self-prescribed homework that I am committing to every day:

• Smile more often. especially at people I don’t know.
• Trying to be more present to listen and respond to others. And to know when not to respond.
• Listening to others until they are finished, without interrupting, which is much harder than I expected. When you let a four-year old tell his w-h-o-l-e story, it can go on longer than a month of Sundays, but oh, what fun!
• Not letting wireless devices enter actual face to face conversations. And secretly hoping my family will join in on this endeavor!

We all can use a little more time to be present with each other, so give someone you know that present.

Ironically, when I slowed down and really paid attention to myself, these intersections were staring me in the face. I had been so busy wading through the muck (and sometimes making muck) that I couldn’t see the green grass.

We’re all busy, right? I don’t know one person who sits around trying to find something to do. I like to think that I move through life in a pace that allows me to be purposeful and mindful; sometimes I think I am different. When my ego takes over, I think I am one of those outliers who has “balance” or a generally heightened sense of purpose and perspective.

Believe, me, I KNOW some of those outliers, I am no outlier.

Truth is, I generally do have a comfortable level of purpose, creativity and wholeness in my life.  It’s not perfect. It’s a process and often, a messy one.  But without some clear structures in place for my time, resources and energy, I quickly drop back into the same samscaras, old habits of rushing through life.

NOTE: The word samskara comes from the Sanskrit sam (complete or joined together) and kara (action, cause, or doing). Samskaras are generalized patterns, and individual impressions, ideas, or actions; taken together, our samskaras make up our conditioning. These old habits die hard, sometimes they never die, so they bubble up when we’re not mindful.

About the time I had enough of the mucking around and surrendered to mediocre ability to stay focused, I had a quick trip planned. I was actually so befuddled that I considered not going. In the end, I dashed off to a yoga class and raced to the airport and finally exhaled as I crossed Boston Harbor in the water taxi to be greeting by this magnificent sight:

That waving flag was symbolic of the laughter, history, and thoughtfulness that would surround me in the next 36 hours. My respite was one of those wonderful reminders that we all need to get out of our heads and routines once in a while. And that sometimes, our oldest friends know us the best.  I headed home recalibrated by some quiet time to reflect and lots of laughter and listening.

When I returned to my stack of Venn diagrams, I saw what became clear during my get away. I was reminded of my friend Debbie Reber’s tag line:  Show Up. Tune In. Be You. When I show up and tune in (i.e. be mindful and observant), I can be me (acting on my interests and priorities).  I can see more clearly where I want to go next, though I know the path(s) I take will varied and bumpy.  The challenge for me each day – whether I’m working with kids or adults, in the classroom or yoga studio or any other setting – is to keep my focus on showing up, tuning in and being me.

Staying clear on who we are and what we do allows us to see the intersections of our lives and keeps us purpose and priority-driven. And once in a while, a Venn diagram helps, too.

How do you stay focused on your priorities? Leave a comment (or a Venn diagram).

During my yoga training, it was often suggested I share my yoga and work with children.  However, I viewed my yoga practice as a quiet time for introspection and adult company.  I had spent the past twenty years teaching young children and raising my own.  I expected the next chapter would bring a change in demographics.   I was open to whatever outcome arose, but in retrospect, I did have certain ideas about what that outcome might be.

As it turns out, organic ways to use yoga with children began to creep into my life.  With my three-and four-year old preschoolers, I started using yoga as a way to provide some movement and energy release. We worked on focus and how to teach focus.  Each time, my little friends reacted positively and eagerly, so we tried breath work, using small rubber ducks on our bellies to watch the chi move in and out of our bodies so we could practice  how to just breathe.  Eventually, we worked up to a series of about 8 poses we could do in a 20-minute period.

As my daughter’s summer sailing season heated up, I found myself suggesting to her and others that they might want to incorporate some yin poses into their pre- or post-race repertoire.  I walked around massaging shoulders and gently tugging on ankles to release hips. On a few occasions, they entertained the idea of trying some yoga, but in the parking lot surrounded by legions of teen sailors, none were ready to take that leap.  Quietly, though, a few tried the breath work I suggested to stay calm and focused before races.  Early one Saturday as I drove six to the sailing venue, one suggested they listen to a sailing meditation cd.  I witnessed this team of sit in silence for a half hour as they followed this guided meditation, which they had obviously used before.  I was amazed…or should I not have been so surprised?

This winter, I was approached to teach a tweens class.  I wasn’t particularly excited about it, but I was beginning to get the message.   I figured I could handle that, so I got to work researching poses, sequences and strategies.  It didn’t seem that different from my approach to teaching kids and I knew the asanas.  I finally had the sense that it was something I could do, without the worry and fuss of learning something new.

In the minutes before we started class, the four students we expected grew to double digits.  During this hectic arrival, I went into teacher mode.  I gave each student a piece of paper and pen and asked the to imagine it said, “Yoga is…” and to complete that sentence with words or a sketch.  Once we were settled, I without previewing or editing. I read them aloud:

• Different relaxing exercise to relax the body and brain
• Stretching and focusing
• Relaxation
• Helps loosen the muscles and helps you relax more
• Meditation and stretching
• Finding your inner chi
• Doing things to calm yourself and be at peace
• To be relaxed and fit while being happy
• Mind of being

I exhaled deeply and looked around at smiling faces. I knew I had something special in front of me. We weren’t going to proceed with the very basic class I had meticulously outlined.  For the first time in my yoga teaching, I was really okay with that idea.

I did begin with my thoughts on our ground rules for class.  I asked them to do their best to support their own yoga practice and our group’s work with four ideas in mind:

• Respect: For themselves, they’re bodies and each other.   This is a time to focus on themselves and understand we are all different an on any give day, our bodies are different.  Accept and respect where your body and other people are with their practice.
• Advocate/Assert: Yoga is a personal practice and while I’d guide them, they also needed to speak up and tell me what they need or how they feel.  This important skill in middle and high school, and for life.
• Effort:  this practice takes effort, but it shouldn’t be painful. Like most things, with some effort, there’s growth. Give it your best.
• Kindness/Care. Yoga means showing care and kindness for yourself and others.

We had a delightful and fast hour.  I acknowledge how stressful and hard life can be at their age. I showed them ways to calm down with some simple poses (legs up the wall) and breathe work and how to get some energy flowing (forward fold before a test).  We ended with smiles and well wishes for the week. And one of my boys came up to say thanks and later, to give me a hug, confirming that I had a really special bunch of young yogis who were open to learning more about a beautiful practice. It also confirmed that even when we think we are open to what arises, we can always release those expectations to find the universe brings us what we really need as well as authentic ways to serve others.