Hair? Length maybe controlled by the family elders and future in laws. 

Skin? To be protected from the sun and men’s eyes, no matter now hot or humid (sometimes this does not apply to women working in the fields).

Which parts of their bodies, would you say do women completely own?

Do you agree with these lines?

“We live in a world where women are like chickens, reduced to their parts. Men are still lucky enough to be considered whole …

-

But women? We are a packet of behinds, thighs, hair and lips. I am only reciting current primary targets. There is nothing on a woman’s body that isn’t brutally assessed.

-

The secondary targets with mandates are bellies (must be flat), eyebrows (emphatic), toe cleavage (wear low-cut shoes), arms (Michelle Obama-muscled) and genitals (plucked to a soundtrack of screaming).

-

Breasts, in a category all their own, have been reduced into even more parts, just as chicken breasts are made into breaded fingers for bar snacks. Nipples have long been excoriated for slipping out. Now it’s “side-boobs” and “under-boobs.” ….

[Link: Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy story stirs shame and desire — Mallick]

Psharmarao shared this link, “Jolie’s disclosure sends out an empowering message.“

“Jolie’s disclosure sends out an empowering message. By sharing her deepest fears and courageously talking about her surgical scars, she wants all women to learn the valuable lesson of self-preservation. By sharing her story, Jolie has made it every woman’s story. It’s really not about Angelina Jolie and her breasts but about women’s health and breast cancer prevention. In the entire Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston-Brangelina saga, I picked my side in the opening rounds. I was always Team Jen and proud of it. But now I wouldn’t mind sporting a Team Angie tee. You go Girl. Go, Do, Be.”  [Read more at: The Angelina Jolie Message]

But then, why should it be seen as courageous to talk about a life saving procedure?

And this explains what Supreme Court meant by, “No impression should be given that she can be thrown out of her matrimonial home at any time,” a bench of justices K S Radhakrishnan and Dipak Misra said.”

Edited to add: This email is written by the wife’s friend.

I was just wondering if you would have any link that outlines the legal rights of a wife.  The wife has a young daughter is in a quandary – her mil has come to visit indefinitely, appears to be demented “as and when convenient”, husband refuses to send her back and has told wife she can leave if she wishes.

 

The wife does not have a steady income of her own, although she does get something off and on.  No joint accounts.  He hits her whenever he “gets irritated” and openly declares that he can hit her if she irritates him.

No qualms.  She is refusing to go to the police yet, as she is not financially sound and is not sure what her rights would be if she went in for a divorce.

 

She is worried about the future of her child.  Normally a very outspoken, strong woman, she seems to be totally broken and unable to think straight.  She does not have any familial support and she does not believe that the women’s cells would really help (going by what she reads on the net).

 

They have been married for almost 7 years now.  She says they were fine earlier on, it was only after the mother in law appeared on the scene that all this started.  Their’s is an inter-community marriage and the mil has appeared onto the scene only in recent times.

Related Posts:

A daughter in law’s legal rights in her in law’s house are the same as her husband’s rights. Whatever is his, is hers.

The interference of parents in the married life of their daughters…

When a newly married Indian woman gives up her career, what else does she give up?

How can the society ensure that marriage (and homemaking) does not result in women becoming financially dependent on their husbands?

An email from an anonymous Confused Wife.

“His parents had already found a girl from his community who they feel is ‘perfect’ for him.”

From the modern, Indian woman to Shravan Kumar.

“When wives become too possesive of her husbands and do not want the affection to be shared with their near and dear…”

Should couples’ assets be treated as joint property?

Can you be equal if you are not allowed to make equal contribution?

Paraya dhan and her limited rights.

My wife will inherit my family’s property, her brothers too will share their property with their respective wives.

Haryana panchayat cuts off married girls from parents’ property

An email: My principal fear is my wife is not going to be able to love my parents as much as I do.

“My wife often rakes up property issues, or rues the expenses on my father’s ill-health.”

But it’s not just financial dependence,

An email from an anonymous Indian Liberated Wife.

A stern warning. 

Three days after the delivery, a mother (22), in a nation that claims to worship mothers, was fighting to save a baby’s life in her own house. [And this is not a rare case, will link.] Nobody is grateful, nobody appreciates what she has been through, her health, her womb, her body, and even her baby, don’t belong to her. She is seen as a liability by the family, the spouse and the society. Such is the power of patriarchal brain washing.

[A thought: What if she was empowered enough to just stopped doing whatever she is not doing anyway? Stopped having and raising babies unless assured, legally, that she won't have to pay with her self reliance, rights and freedoms; stopped running a home that she doesn't legally own (atleast partly); refused to make getting and staying married her goal, and still have legal assurance that she won't have to pay for Getting ad Staying Married with self reliance and freedom?]

No wonder the Supreme Court pointed out, ‘a feeling of emotional numbness in society‘ [link]. Does this mother wonder why she must tolerate this? Does she see this as abuse, when every ‘respected’ tradition, custom, family value, movie, TV serials, mythology, her own family and community, and even some law makers and law enforcers, are going all out to reinforce, subtly or directly, the same cruel and shockingly unjust social laws? Does she compare herself to the other parent (this man) who bore no labour pains, no health risks, no blame for giving birth to a girl child, has all the rights on the baby and the mother; and now he is getting away with attempt to kill the baby?

If this is how he attacked a three day old baby, how did he treat the mother? How does a mother, or any parent, benefit from such horribly patriarchal values, culture, customs and traditions? 

Does such violence come out of nowhere, or is it a result of a deep rooted conviction that he could get away with it? (And he did). Are all Indian men and women who hate girl children and even those who abort them, and those who demand dowry and male children, capable of such brutality? Such is the power of Patriarchy and Custom that the police, the relatives, even the mother has been persuaded that somehow it is okay for this man (dangerously violent) to be out of prison.  They tell themselves that he attempted to kill the baby because he didn’t know how he was going to arrange for her dowry. That he, a helpless and burdened poor Protector and Provider, didn’t know that there was a 50% chance that the baby would be a girl baby. That he didn’t attack the baby because he knew he had that option. That it’s okay for half the Indian population to be let loose to be helplessly provoked into doing things that hurt other people. That these attackers are actually the victims. 

Such is the power of patriarchal norms.

Taking actions that require common sense here would threaten traditional patriarchal norms, it would mean supporting the mother and the child in becoming self reliant. Self reliant mothers and wives would not risk their children’s lives to make their marriages work. That’s against Indian Family Value number one: Paraya Dhan must Get Married and Stay Married.

Will this baby recover from this attack? If she does, then what kind of life will she live? I wish there was more information about how she is coping.

Father tries to kill 3-day-old girl. No case registered Mother withdrew complaint under pressure from relatives.

VIJAYAWADA: In a shocking incident, a man tried to kill his three-day-old baby girl at Wynchpet here on Saturday. As he did not want a girl child in his family, the father threw the baby on the ground and tried to strangle her with his legs. Hearing the infant’s cries her mother rushed in and shouted for help. The neighbours who gathered in strength thwarted the man’s attempts to kill the baby and thrashed him before alerting the police. The baby was injured on her neck and was admitted to government hospital in the city. The police, however, did not register a case against the accused identified as P Arjuna, who runs a snacks cart, after his wife Lakshmi withdrew the complaint under pressure from relatives.

Lakshmi had given birth to a baby girl three days ago much to the chagrin of P Arjuna. He had been quarrelling with his wife ever since the birth of the girl. The quarrel turned violent when he threw the baby on the floor and tried to kill her. The neighbours rushed the infant to the government general hospital and alerted the police. The police visited the spot and took Arjuna into custody. But police did not register a case against the accused as his wife withdrew the complaint under pressure from relatives. The police let Arjuna, who runs a snack cart, go after a stern warning.

An acquaintance once pointed out, “But these women are used to all this.” Can poverty, hunger and violence get someone used to torture? Have ‘they got used to it’ and or have those-not-going-through-it-at-the-moment got desensitised to it?

Related Posts:

Mere consent to conjugal rights does not mean consent to give birth to a child for her husband.

How are mothers treated in Indian culture?

Society benefits immensely from childbearing, childrearing, and caregiving work that currently goes unpaid.

How can the society ensure that marriage (and homemaking) does not result in women becoming financially dependent on their husbands?

Of Housewives, Beggars and Prostitutes.

Does the absence of women in public spaces makes these spaces safer for women? 

Can you imagine such reservation possible if it wasn’t for Patriarchal traditions?

Link and message shared by Madhavi Kaivalya K

Hi IHM,

I came across this some time ago but turned a blind eye. But I can’t any more. This is so outrageous and people should know what kind of powers we’re giving to what kind of Govt.:

I’ve a suggestion for those who claim that men can get provoked and lose control when they see women dressed in a certain manner – Just take a vote and pluck the eyes of everyone who claims that they can lose control when they see women being dressed “provocatively”. I don’t want to sound barbaric but if that’s what they claim, then this would be the right course of action to keep the country safe rather than restricting women.

Thanks & Regards,
Madhavi Kaivalya K

Another gem from Andhra:

Freedom at midnight but doesn’t mean we can roam around freely at midnight

Those who make such reservations for Indian men seem to believe that generations of Indian men are like kids, singing the first part of this post,

An Indian Shravan Kumar’s poem to his mother

I might be thirty five year old,
But I still crave for your food.
Yes, I do have a wife,
But all she gives me is strife,
Over things I don’t do,
Or wasn’t taught to do,
Like how I need to grow up,
And get things in order,
But what do I do, I always had you,
Fussing over my every single mood,… [Click here to read the entire post]

Related Posts:

What’s the best way to fight for your rights and freedoms and to prevent Talibanization of India?

I do not like reservation.

In Gurgaon, jobs, safety and roads after 8 pm, reserved for men?

I don’t care for freedom

Male escorts and whistles: IIT-Madras’s new safety plan.

One Billion Rising, Gurgaon : Photographs.

Tradition, custom and culture can make parents of Indian daughters not just tolerate but enforce all this, and worse, on their daughters. Can you imagine this sort of crimes being tolerated if it wasn’t for tradition? 

Hi IHM

Please take out time to read this. Do let me know if the link is not working.
You should share it on your blog so that more young women and men read it. Considering that our law makers are not for now going to make marital rape a crime, the least we can do is make the young men aware that in arranged marriages, how women feel regarding sex(rather forced sex). Somehow arranged marriages are glorified in our country. No one seems to understand that women too have desires which include sexual ones. Why is it that people assume that sex is something women need to give and men only the pleasure? I felt so sad reading this. Atleast she had the courage to run away.

I would add Unpaid to the Domestic Help.

Also a domestic help is not required to pay to get the job, her employers don’t control what she eats, wear, watches etc in her own home. She can also refuse a chore and negotiate terms of work without facing social stigma. Basically, the employers do not have patriarchy’s permission to control the lives of the domestic help.

Daughter-in-law be treated as family member, not housemaid: Supreme Court

“A daughter-in-law is to be treated as a member of the family with warmth and affection and not as a stranger with respectable and ignoble indifference. She should not be treated as a house maid. No impression should be given that she can be thrown out of her matrimonial home at any time,” a bench of justices K S Radhakrishnan and Dipak Misra said.

Daughter-in-law should not be treated as domestic help, says Supreme Court

…

“Respect of a bride in her matrimonial home glorifies the solemnity and sanctity of marriage, reflects the sensitivity of a civilised society …

“But the manner in which sometimes the bride is treated in many a home … creates a feeling of emotional numbness in society,” it said.

The bench said it was a matter of great concern that brides in several cases were being treated with total insensitivity, destroying their desire to live.

“It is a matter of grave concern and shame …

Shared by psharmarao

Related Posts:

An email: “indian daughter in-law is servant?”
‘His family seems a bit traditional type.I googled “how to behave with in laws after marriage in India.’
An email: The last straw was her expecting me to practise 4 day period sit-out thingy.
An email from an Indian father: I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone…
An email: My principal fear is my wife is not going to be able to love my parents as much as I do.
Joint Families and Indian Daughters in law.
Not Perfect Enough for Mr Perfect?
I could not sing after my marriage and I am really sad about it, but women have to ‘adjust’ to see their family happy…
No Gajar Ka Halwa for an Indian Daughter in law?

Dear IHM,

Bar Tailed Tree Creeper: It crawled on the tree trunk like a lizard, almost invisible, and then disappeared here.
Rock Bunting.

Rock Bunting

Himalayan Bulbul

Russet Sparrow, male, in the rain.

A closer look at the Russet Sparrow

Black Hooded Oriole I think... wish the shot was not so blurry. Don’t miss the rain drops!

UPDATED:  Scarlet Minivet Female, Thank You Sangeeta Khanna

Another look,

Great Tit

Russet Sparrow – female? Looking for nesting material in the rain?

Verditer Flycatcher

Little Pied Flycatcher – Male

Ficedulla westermanni. 

Another out of focus shot…

And this is what Brat Three captured

The twenty year old Brat Two has just got back from his jog and glances in the general direction of the dining table to see what’s there for dinner. Brat Three who is busy squeezing out the entire bottle of chocolate syrup on her bowl of strawberry ice cream is heard warning him, “First finish your dinner.”

Reminded me of these and many other such conversations,

What’s wrong with paalak paranthas?

To read and smile when I am 64.

“For as long as I live I will always be your parent first and your friend second. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare, and hunt you down like a bloodhound when I have to, because I love you. When you understand that, I know you will have become a responsible adult. You will never find anyone else in your life who loves, cares, prays and worries for you more than I do. If you don’t mutter under your breath “I hate you” atleast once in your life, I am not doing my job properly.”

But then I am not a parent. So I could be having mistaken notions.