Boom, instantly there’s a catch: it’s basically the teacher I was at war with last year (he talked too much, I’d get bored, fall asleep, he’d yell at me, rinse and repeat). I eventually got around that though. Turns out he’s much more tolerable when I don’t have to pay attention to him basically droning on and on and on about absolutely nothing. So, I guess everything will be fine after all.

The real trouble began when I had to start correcting homework for the Social Problems and American Government classes. It’s not that I have anything against correcting in general; it keeps me busy, awake, not sleeping, etc. The real problem is when I get to see the pure genius that are the sophomore to senior level students.

For example, if you had it in the form of a multiple choice question, how many of you would feel confident about knowing how long Supreme Court judges get appointed?
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Show me the answer! ▼

For life!

I swear to god if this poll doesn’t show results better than the American Government class, I will slay you all and give you embarrassing nicknames. I mean, it shouldn’t be too hard, considering ONE out of THIRTY people got that answer correct (and this was crap I knew in about 5th grade people, 5th. fucking. grade.)

If that’s not enough to convince you, check out these pro spelling errors I’ve seen on papers:

“Inteprete” as interpret.

“Nashoin” as nation.

“Goled” as gold.

These errors wouldn’t be so painful to see if I was allowed to mark off points for idiocy like that, but noooo, American Government/Social Problems has no room for checking for correct spelling. God forbid.

Then, I also get to see all the patterns of…erm…”similar” answers. Yes, I think its obvious that most of the students cheat, but the teacher seems convinced otherwise. Oh well, looks like the teacher isn’t worried about churning out a bunch of idiots who can’t seem to remember a few simple facts from a textbook.

Good thing I get to live 1-2 more months of being a teacher aide, getting to see the worst of the worst when it comes to being bad at life in general.

The soft hum of the projector warming up is drowned out by the sound of the students opening their notebooks for the day’s lesson. As the faint image of the day’s PowerPoint slowly comes into focus, a mystery student sneaks his way into the classroom and takes the seat nearest to the door. Despite a few students’ chuckles, the unwelcome visitor receives no attention from the teacher. Perhaps he didn’t notice, or perhaps he doesn’t care. Either way, a majority of the class has just lost their focus. Just then Professor Snape busts through the wall and throws a mysterious bubbling orange liquid on the mystery student.

“Oh no!” shouts the student. “What have you done?” Before he can continue, his flesh begins to peel off revealing a layer of off-white fur beneath it.

“I knew it!” exclaims Snape. “This student is actually a Canadian!” A majority of the class gasps in unison, while the remainder of the students run from the room screaming. The infected student continues his grotesque transformation into a Canadian, revealing 3 sets of sharp, bloodstained teeth, a long spiked tail, a pair of glasses, and a unibrow.

“It’s hideous!” shrieks the teacher as he sprints out of the classroom to vomit. The remainder of the class begins to realize the scope of danger the transformation brings. All but three of them successfully escape before the Canadian blocks the exit.

“I will consume all your souls, much like your mothers last night!” snarls the infected student. The students make an attempt at the wall that Snape busted through, but its blocked by Snape who himself has transformed into a Canadian. Snape and the infected student slowly work their way into trapping the remaining three students into a corner.

“You know what?” queries student 1, carefully studying the room for a possible escape route.

“Your mother?” replies student 2.

“Shut up C-mikes!” says student 3, pushing student 2 into the approaching Canadians.

“You idiot!” exclaims student 1 while the Canadians sink their sharp threatening into C-mikes, infecting him. “Now we have THREE Canadians to worry about!”

“…Oh yeah…”

“OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAH” shouts the Kool-Aid man as he too busts through a wall.

“Wha-…who the piss are you?” shouts student 1.

“The game.”

“What?”

“You just lost it.”

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

While I did find my pc quite sufficient for handling the game on the highest settings, I found the keyboard quite unacceptable. Why?

1. Couldn’t change music in-game since Microsoft neglected to add next/previous buttons to their MEDIA keyboard
2. The connection for it sucked, causing some inputs to either go undetected, or simply act as a stuck key since the kill signal wouldn’t go through (which is more annoying than you think. Ever get stuck going left at top speed in Burnout? It’s not a pretty sight).

So, I had absolutely no choice but to go to best buy and pick up a Razer Lycosa for $79 (I might have died otherwise). Unfortunately that means I missed a payment to my friend for my PC (oops! forgive me Travis). It was nice, sleek, and look perfectly geared toward what I wanted to do: play games and control my playlist at the SAME TIME (let that be a lesson, Microsoft!)

Sexy beast is sexy!

So I immediately hooked the bad boy up and installed the drivers. Great! Now what? Oh right, try out configuring the keyboard (maybe play around with the WASD lighting for shits and giigles). Lets take a look; uh-oh. The software only allows you to configure the media keys for four media players: WMP, iTunes, Real Player, and Winamp. It’s all good though, I suppose, the only other media player I use is Zune, and only for syncing my music to…well, my zune.

Alright, lets play some games. Great, this keyboard is nice and responsive! I could get used to this! Let’s go to the next song now *pushes “button”*….

AHEM, I said next song *pushes “button” again*…

YOU FUCKER, NEXT SONG *practically smashes the “button”*

*Media player changes song*. About time you asshole. Hopefully this shit is temporary and I only need to break the keyboard in a bit or something.

*3 hours later* Ugh, I need a break from trying to break in this keyboard. Time to put my music on hold. *Presses the pause “button”*

*Media player goes back to the beginning of the song*. The fuck? This is the play/pause button, not the restart song button! *mashes the “button” some more*

*Song restarts some more before finally stopping*. The fuck was that all about? You know what, I’ve had it with this shit, lets see what happens when I uninstall the software.

So, I uninstall the little shit and guess what? My media keys start functioning normally, and now I’m allowed to use them with whatever media player I want! What the fuck Razer? Why would you cripple your own keyboard to function INCORRECTLY with media players? Why not leave the media shit *UNTOUCHED*? Wouldn’t that make more sense?

So, to all those who plan on getting a Lycosa and don’t have a big need to control their keyboard lighting or macro/profile ability, do NOT install their shit drivers.

Someone give the patchers for HP a pay raise. As a note: to get the install cancelled patch to actually install, you have to choose only that update to install. Something they *probably* should have added to the description.

So, while watching Zolar Vision as I do every friday (right here, he does live prank calls), I had an idea. Why not request him to call the Culver’s of my employment, and act like he got harassed a bit by said Cody (since he was supposed to be closing that night). Thanks to my friend offy offering to chip in if he did the call, it happened. Here’s a video of the call:

And to those who think I’m a cruel person and that Cody didn’t deserve this kind of prank, listen up:

• Cody was told to change the flavor of the day to Butter Brickle. He somehow managed to fuck it up enough to make Brickle Pecan.
• He thinks he can beat the shit out of everyone, and likes to tell everyone that he’s going to throw them through a wall for no reason.
• The reason he wasn’t there during the call was because he took off because he was feeling “sick”
• The managers didn’t like him BEFORE this call.

Justified? I think so.

1. Wordless Wednesday. You have them.
2. Yourblog.blogspot.com. Thats how you get to your blog.
3. Image dumps for posts. Especially populated from images on stumbleupon.
4. You seem to think you are your pet. You are not. Pets cannot use blogging services with such accuracy.
5. You are female and have given birth to children. Mommyblogger fail.
6. You lol at demotivators and partake in creating your own. Black borders don’t make everything funny.
7. You lol at lolcats and partake in creating your own. Chances are you’re not witty.
8. Stumbleupon. It’s no longer a valid method of retrieving content.
9. Memes & Awards. You partake in them.
10. When you run out of ideas, you create pointless lists. Disregard that, I suck cocks.
11. Personal Diary. The internet is not a good one.
12. Traffic Exchanges are your main source of traffic. I lol’d.

I hope you learned something from the 10 minutes it took me to create this small yet ACCURATE filter for whether or not your blog is shit.

Google does not give as irrelevant as results as the commercial would like you to think. In fact, I’m willing to bet the results were turned up using Bing itself, as every time I’ve tried to use it, I’ve got nothing but random bullshit. It’s as if they have it take the page 56 results from a matching Google search, and handing that to you.

What the FUCK is this “SEARCH OVERLOAD” bullshit they keep trying to push on me? I mean, if I’m using search engines way too much, why the fuck would I need another search engine? If I’m ill with “SEARCH OVERLOAD”, searching more but on a different site isn’t going to “cure” the problem dumbasses. That’d be like trying to cure herpes with sex with people who are having a fucking outbreak.

Bing and DECIDE? What the hell does the fucking piece of shit decide? What color socks I’m going to wear today? Can I type in “Should I go to Hawaii or California?” and it’ll give me a short survey to help me decide? If not, it’s doing no more good toward decisions than Google or Yahoo! answers or any general forum already does! Seriously, don’t label your shit as “revolutionary with this feature” if its not doing anything new! People are going to figure that out as soon as they type in “Should I tell my child unicorns are real?” and they don’t get a fucking decision.

Seriously Microsoft, give it up. You’re becoming really fucking annoying.

The People Shooters Part 2

Film genre: Action

Review: So, to begin with, The People Shooters is a high-octane action thriller about two partners, who must go on a dangerous, perilous, not-safe, completely scary, deadly, and action-filled journey. There will be guns, there will be blood, there will be ACTION!

It was clear that this action film was pieced together in a professional manner, as it’s hard to separate the real from the fake. Hell, for all I know, they might have actually killed real ninjas! Who am I to judge such a marvelous masterpiece?

Even if you’re not in it for the action, there’s plenty more to love about this movie. The story goes deep into emotional and dramatic issues. There’s an instance where one of the main characters has to go through the tough decision of either killing his own brother, or never seeing his journey to completion. We also get to watch as one of the main characters undergoes a huge psychological change, turning himself from a lazy bum into a violent bum. If that’s not enough to thrill you, imagine what mysteries will come when Part ONE is released!

Make sure you check this thriller out! Now, lets move onto the much scarier second film:

The Head Incident

Film genre: Horror

Review: Well, since this is just a preview of an actual to-be-released indie film, there’s not much I can really say besides that it looks like it’s fuckin’ scary. Can’t wait till the author of this releases the full edited film.

I’ve got vBexperience installed there, so you can post, earn points, level up, and then buy cool shit. The reason I bring this up is because I’ve got one of my unused One-Panel licenses up for sale in the forums for 5000XP. That’s right, the very theme/plugin that makes my blog beautiful can now be yours for only a few hundred posts and referrals!

Also, I plan on running a “member of the month” competition once I get quite a few members, where I’ll be giving away my OTHER unused license! So, act now, join up, do shit, and get the damn license!

1. Make sure you autoplay some random music on your blog! I mean, if they’re already listening to their own music, don’t like the same genre of music, or if they’re trying to keep the sound from their speakers muted, they’re going to hate when your site blasts some random sounds into their eardrums!
2. Disguise your content! The whole point people GO to websites is to view content, so what better way to drive them away than by burying your content in 3 miles of Adsense and random links? Make sure to use the same colors and awkward spacing in your content, that way your visitors won’t be able to tell where the ads end and the content starts!
3. Make your sidebar infinitely tall! There’s nothing visitors hate more (than the two listed above) than a sidebar that has more total content than the blog itself! I mean, the loading time itself is excruciating! So, the key here is to find as many traffic exchange widgets and social networking widgets as you can, and stuff them right into your sidebar! That way even a T1 connection will take 10 minutes to load your blog!
4. Be repetitive and redundant! Content is king! I know you’ve probably read that statement on 1,000 blogs already, which is exactly my point! If you blog about the same exact topics as your competitors, there will be no reason for visitors to come to your blog in the first place! Another benefit is that you can go to your competitors for post ideas!
5. Be a mom blogger…with attitude! There’s nothing a visitor finds more clichè than a catchphrase such as “I’m a mother, I’m a giver, and an all around bitch!” You’ll be sure to stand out as dull person who, for some reason, finds educational television to be over-stimulating!

There we have it, 5 easy ways to free up bandwidth on your site and reduce your Adsense income! If you need some more inspiration for crappifying your website, make sure to visit hosanna1!