Category Archives: HorrorScopes
Weekly Horrorscopes (Horoscopes) are a bit snarky and twisted. Please don’t try this at home kids.
HorrorScopes: August 4-10
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You're going to be hungry for the rest of your life. You'll have plenty to eat, but you will never be full.Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Drink...HorrorScopes: July 28 – August 3
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You're cat's in the backyard plotting your ultimate demise. I suggest you feed it better cat food, try Fancy Feast from a little glass dish,...HorrorScopes: July 21-27
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Someone should really redefine what Bride-porn really is. It is a sensual journey as an exhausted couple attempts to remove and undo all 800 clips,...HorrorScopes: July 14-20
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Your hard work and determination will pay off, for the generation after next. Too bad George W. Bush will take credit for your work. You,...HorrorScopes: July 7-13
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You are seeking peace and harmony this week. Unfortunately, the military is testing two new rockets with the same name. Guess who is going to...HorrorScopes: June 30 – July 6
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Why can you not relax lately — it is likely due to the fact that you haven't paid enough attention to that special someone lately....HorrorScopes: June 23-29
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Your action figures come alive while you sleep. They have declared war against the neighbor's toys and are now in an arms race. The...HorrorScopes: June 16-22
Aries (March 21-April 19)
This week don't be afraid to throw your cares into the wind. They will inevitably blow back at you 10 fold, but, really don't be...
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