When EF Talks

Extra Beats

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Thu, 16 May 2013 05:54:39 PDT

Ever since my medical tests last week, I've been visited by a vague and unsettled feeling. A restlessness of a sort. It's a feeling that something's changed even though, technically, nothing has. It's not physical.

Physically? I'm great. In fact, I'm better-than-great. I mean, what a gift to know (as the cardiologist said) my arteries are "as clear as the day you were born." Didn't know that before last week. Now I do. That's a gift.

So, it's not physical.

It's definitely spiritual. Psychological. Deep-level stuff. A kind of a brooding feeling, almost.

Been talking with The Judge about it. Talked about it with my therapist and group today. Here's how I can describe it to you…

It's like I was on a bus, and the bus was going along just fine. When, out of nowhere, somebody jumps up and pulls the emergency brake. The alarms screams. The bus lurches to a stop. You're thrown forward, headfirst into the seat in front of you. Then, you're yanked back the other direction, as the bus shutters and shakes to a complete stop.

And after a momentary pause, some voice in the back of the bus timidly shouts,
"Oh…sorry…my bad…never mind."

You hear the exhale-sigh of brakes loosening again. And, in a matter of seconds, the bus is headed back down the road, just like nothing ever happened.

But, something did happen. And even after you're underway again, there's an adrenalin surging through your veins. A looking-back over your shoulder.

Which reminds me of the time our dogs cornered a possum on the back porch. It sounds like something that might happen out in the country, but it was right smack dab in the middle of North Dallas.

One night, we were awakened by our small dog, Scruffy, barking his little head off. We looked out on the porch, and there was our other dog, Grace, nose to the ground, eyes focused ahead on the prize…a possum that had wandered on to the back porch and was now corned and clearly outnumbered by the two dogs.

Grace --border collie at heart-- had that possum cornered. Scruffy --running maniacally back and forth-- was sounding the alarm.

That possum looked horrible. It's face was disfigured into a snarl. It might have been drooling. It was definitely hissing. We thought it might be rabid.

Anyway, we brought the dogs inside, thinking that this would allow the possum the space to safely wander off into the night. While we are at it, we took a brief visit to "The Google," to look up possum behavior. Frankly, given the way it looked, we were afraid this animal might have been rabid.

Turns out, all these features are but one manifestation of the "playing possum" adaptation. Playing possum doesn't just mean playing dead. Apparently, it can also include looking rabid, dangerous, sick…such that a predator will take one look at you and say, "No ma'am, I don't want any part of that…"

Reassured by this, and since twenty or so minutes had passed, I stuck a flashlight through the sliding glass window, to see if the possum was still there. I figured, with the danger long gone, he'd probably seized the moment to wander off.

To my complete surprise, not only was the possum still there in that corner of the porch, but it was in exactly the same position as it had been, twenty minutes before! Same snarled mouth. Same crazed look. As if the two dogs were still right in front of it, still threatening it's life.

I went back twenty minutes after this. Same thing! In exactly the same position, snarling out at the empty night.

I finally went to bed, and we kept the dogs inside that night. Somewhere during overnight hours, the possum did wander off. But it's clear the animal spent at least an hour, frozen in that same fear-response position, as if a long-gone threat was still immanent, pressing, and an immediate danger.
-------------------------------

I feel like that possum, I suppose.

I guess I ought to just get up and wander off. But I'm frozen. Wondering.

What does all this mean? What if the worst had happened?
And yes, I go there:

What if I had died?

I mean, I am getting older. I turned fifty last September. I wrote about how that sucked. It still does. But I moved through that milestone, and just kept moving on.

So then, holy crap, here's an actual medical test that, no matter the result, reminds me of the truth I'm already living: I'm older. I'm gonna die some day.

It's not like I didn't already know all that. But this test became an outward and visible manifestation of the inward and spiritual reality.
So, yes, getting older is a part of it.

But, so too is just thinking about the past few months.

You see, I keep going to back over the days, weeks, and months just prior to last Tuesday. It's been a busy time. A very very busy time. I believe I've written about it. (If not here, on Facebook…)

Starting with Holy Week, I worked a string of about forty straight days without a full day off. I am not bragging. I am reporting/confessing. Funerals. Other extra events. Just regular church stuff.
It's been very busy. That kind of busy you can honestly call "a good busy."

But it's not balanced. It's not what I "preach" to others all the time. It's not "keeping Sabbath." I get that.

I preach about keeping things in balance. I sit with folks in my office and tell them how they ought to do it. I talk (sometimes I probably brag) about my hobbies and interests, and the great and busy life Dennise and me have.

Hell, I blogged about all this, just last week! I bragged, at the end of this very blog, about the great lives Dennise and me have…

We're busy, but "it's a good busy."
We're tired, but "it's a "good tired."

I'm still able to say, "It's a great life."

But is all the busy "good?"
Or, is a "good tired" ever a good thing, beyond a rare occurrence, now and then?

I'm left asking: "Is the last month-and-a-half how I wanted to spend my last days?"

It's theoretical. I get that.

But I'm afraid the answer would be, "No." That's what's coming to me, at least.

Sure, a lot of what I did, I'd do again. In….ahem…a heartbeat.

But all of it? Would I work all those days in a row, or would I find the way to take some time off?

For example, I can't recall when I last picked up my guitar and just played for a day. Or even a few hours.
When was the last time I wrote a song?
I cannot remember.

That can't be good.

Yes, I get away to ride my bike pretty regularly.
But even during a lot of these rides, as I'm peddling away, my mind is already on whatever-comes-next…worried that I won't make the next thing; failing to even see the beauty of the lake.

All the time (and I mean all the time) people tell me, "Eric, how is it that you move so fast?"!!"
Or, "I've never seen anybody move as fast as you!"

I've always taken these as compliments.
Or, as a shield. A shield against the inner voice that says "You're not doing enough…"

But maybe it's not really a compliment or a shield.
Maybe it's an indictment.
A condemnation, even.
A flaw.

Here's the image that came to me today:

My life has an "extra-beat." Life is a song in 4/4 time, and I'm always cramming-in just one extra downbeat. A fifth beat in the measure, that makes the rhythm a little....bit....off.

You probably see where I'm going with this
Because this is what they're telling me about my heart too.

My heart has an "extra beat."
It's not beating too fast, or too slow.
My blood pressure's good.
No blockages.

But, there's an extra beat in the rhythm.

So what hit me between the eyes today is: As goes my heart, so goes my life. I have an "extra beat."

So, the next question, for me is: what to do about it.
Or, existentially, probably not do.

I mean, the heart problem will get solved, I am sure. I'll go to the cardiologist in a few weeks, and we'll talk about what, medically, might be causing these extra-beats. What the next step is, etc, etc...

But I don't need a cardiologist to tell me what's causing the extra-beats in life.
I can pretty easily identify that.

The question is: Do I cut something out?
If so, what would that be?
Or, When it's all good, what do/can you cut?

What would a regular life-beat look like?

These are my questions.
These are my confessions.
I don't come here tonight with answers, but simply a willingness to hold the questions before me in tension.

What am I going to do about the "Extra Beats?"

Stay tuned...

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Profound Disappointment in the Obama Administration

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Tue, 14 May 2013 13:25:41 PDT

It's hard to take in these two scandals rocking the Obama Administration right now.

First, on Friday, the news that the IRS specifically targeted conservative groups. Tea Party Groups

Today, the news that the Department of Justice had been surveilling the phones of Associated Press reporters.

There is certainly no love lost for me when it comes to Tea Party Groups. I find them dangerous and politically unhelpful to our democratic process.

Also, I believe that the IRS is right to crack down on groups that are misusing the 501c4 designation as "social welfare groups." You may recall, this is the kind of group that Stephen Colbert set up last year, during the campaign, to highlight just how ridiculous the "soft money" groups had become.

Having said both those things --that I have no real love for Tea Party groups, that I do think the IRS should crack down on abuse of "social welfare" Superpacs-- this story is very very disturbing.

No group should ever be flagged simply because of their affiliation with a political movement, right or left. Profiling by politics, age, gender, race, sexual orientation...this should never be done.

It's a troubling, troubling story.

But today, I'm even more troubled by the DOJ spying on Associated Press Reporters.

As usual, Morning Joe had a great discussion of these issues this morning. So, rather than rehash it here, I'd just invite you to watch:

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Of course Bernstein knows a bit about these things, doesn't he?

I agree with everybody around the table. The real chilling effect here is on sources and their willingness to talk to news outlets. This kind of surveillance will "chill" sources everywhere, and may have already put people in danger.

Terrible terrible news on both these fronts.

People might say, "But Obama didn't know about these things."

And in both scandals, I am sure that is true. But, ultimately, as people used to say about President Bush related to the Iraq War, the "buck stops" at the president's desk.

So, I don't know what he'll end up saying about these things, or what he even can. It's troubling.

Conservatives: If for years you've felt that the press was in the back pocket of the Obama Administration (something I've never been convinced was true), the good news for you is that the honeymoon is officially over. My training as a journalist training teaches me that the White House has gotten its last "softball question" between now and 2016.
But, beyond this, you conservatives should be concerned about any targeting of journalist anywhere.

Liberals: If you're somehow happy about Tea Party Groups being targeted, how happy will you be when it's groups that are pro gun safety, or LGBT rights, or pro-immigration? And, you know how much paranoia there is on the Right.
Now it will be said, "Just because you're paranoid...SEE! They ARE out to get us!!"
This ain't gonna help.

This DOL targeting should be condemned by everyone too.

All the way around, whomever you are, and where ever you fall out on the Purpleland spectrum, there is little to rejoice about today.

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Is Schism The Best Future for the UMC? Why? Why Not?

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Tue, 14 May 2013 07:31:36 PDT

Very pleased to be a part of DreamUMC's 1st Anniversary "Sync Blog" tonight. The assignment for this blog is its title.

Although, if I had a "do-over" on this entry, I'd title this blog:

"Game Theory And the Possibility of Schism."

I'm going to take the question literally, and answer it as such. I'm also going to mainly be answering from a "Game Theory" perspective, not what my own personal view might be.

Secondly, I'm also going to primarily limit my discussion to the American Church, since that's the theological/social situation I understand best, and since we're really not a Global Church.

Finally, and only for ease of conversation, I am broadly stereotyping American United Methodists into three categories: Progressive, Conservative, Moderate. (1)

The Question: Is Schism The Best Future for the UMC? (underlining important here...)

It depends. If the goal is "preserving the future of the entity called 'The United Methodist Church.'" then there are more theoretical scenarios where schism hurts, rather than helps. All of it depends upon what kind of schism were to actually happen.
So, let's delve into that...

The are two likely schism scenarios, using the stereotypes:
Scenario 1) Progressives Leave.
Scenario 2) Conservatives Leave.

Here's what I think would happen, then, under each of those scenarios, followed by some short analysis.

Scenario 1. Progressives Leave
If the goal is preservation of a denomination known as the "United Methodist Church," then this is, by far, the worst option. In fact, it's the option most likely over time, to assure the complete destruction of the entity known as "The United Methodist Church." (2)

If progressives leave, this would result in two new bodies:
A. New Progressive Methodist Denomination
B. New Moderate/Conservative Denomination

However, this would almost assuredly result in yet another split, among the second group (The new "Moderate/Conservative" Denomination). In fact, this second split would likely happen so fast, it would make heads spin. Promise.

Here's why...

As a very very smart moderate told me about a year ago, just after General Conference, "Eric, what you don't understand is that Moderates are terrified of being left with the Conservatives. If Progressives leave, we'll split again."

I must confess, I'd not considered that possibility. But the second he did say it, my Poli-Sci/Game-Theory brain told me he was right.

You must remember this about Moderates: Moderates hate conflict.

If Progressives leave, it would not lessen the amount of conflict in new-denomination "B." In fact, Conservatives would simply next turn their attention toward Moderates and some of their social views. (Abortion. Rights of Women. Medical Science, etc...take your pick...)
Homosexuality is but one social issue where the far-Right in the United Methodist Church disagrees with the middle and the left.

Moderates would, much to their discomfort, now find no "foil" between them and Conservatives, to fend off direct attack. As it is right now, a part of the current UMC "stasis" is that the Left/Right theological dipolarity keeps the heat off the Moderates.
(Most Moderates are blissfully unaware of this, btw, just as they are unaware of most of these issue, and even the possibility of schism raised by this whole sync blog!)

So, in a nutshell, if Progressives leave? Moderates and Conservatives will eventually split as well.

Therefore, would Scenario 1 be "best" for the United Methodist Church?
No.
In fact, my argument is that this would most likely be the worst of all outcomes, on the whole. It would almost assuredly eventually leave three, much smaller, deep fractured, groups to claim the mantel of the former UMC; none of them truly strong enough to have much real societal impact.

Scenario 2. Conservatives Leave
What would happen next would entire depend upon how Progressives would choose to live in the new configuration. Of course, the two groups created in this model would look as follows:

A. New Conservative Methodist Denomination
B. New Moderate/Progressive Denomination

As I've already stated, theologically, socially, even politically, Moderate and Progressive United Methodists share far more in common than separates them. Because of Moderate's desire to "live and let live," and Progressive's nature desire to respect other view points outside their own, they are a natural fit.

It's entirely likely that Moderate/Progressives could make their new denomination work.

But! This is entirely dependent upon whether or not Progressives would be willing to allow for Moderates to fully "catch up" on all issues. Should Progressives become "hardline," (as Conservatives most assuredly would in Scenario 1) all bets are off. And we could find ourselves with, yet again, three small groups.

Theoretically, breaking into three is not at all a foregone conclusion in Scenario 2. It almost assuredly is in Scenario 1.

Therefore, would Scenario 2 be "best" for the United Methodist Church?
Surprisingly, I still answer this with a "no."

And here, I will shift to my own personal theology and view, and not just a politicial, or "Game Theory" analysis of the likely scenarios.

Yes, Scenario 2 would likely yield a denomination consistent with the American mission field.
That would be a good thing.

As perhaps some are not yet fully aware of, the United States is now a "center/left" not "center/right" nation. I argued this in a post-election blog last fall, titled "What the Presidential Election Should Teach the United Methodist Church." You can read it here.

The gist of that blog is America is a "Center/Left" not "Center/Right" nation. That means our "Mission Field" --those who are "unchurched," those who are among the growing group of the "Nones"-- are, on the main, to the "Left" in their theology and politics, not to the "Right.

By the way, many many savvy political analysts (not just arm-chair preacher-analysts like me) have come to this same conclusion. (This is why the Republican Party is so feverishly working out "outreach" to women, ethnic minorities).

So, yes, the new "Moderate/Progressive" denomination would be spot-on well positions to reach the "mission field" of the American UMC. As such, it would also likely grow.

But I still don't personally believe it would be a good idea. Mainly because I'm still, at heart, a "big tent Methodist." I'd like to believe a truly inclusive "big tent" denomination is still possible; where all are welcomed at the table; where churches, left, right and center, are encouraged to grow and thrive.

My own Wesleyan theology tells me that there is a "live and let live" position we are not currently pursuing, and that we should. Adam Hamilton and Mike Slaughter tried to move us toward at General Conference last session. They were defeated in this. It's still a direction worth pursuing.

In Scenario 2, the New Progressive/Moderate denomination would be well positioned to meet the American mission field of the future. But we'd lose the opportunity to be the truly "big tent" by keeping "Conservatives" within the big tent that I believe God is still calling us to.

My Own "Best Way Forward?" REGIONALISM
I will not recount my view here again, since I put it forth in another blog, titled "United Methodism Is Not a Global Church." It's a long blog, so if you wish to cut to the chase, scroll down about halfway and you'll see the major points about regionalism.

The argument is that, for better or worse, we've always embraced some kind of regionalism. The very existence of five American Jurisdictions has always been a tacit admission on our part that the only way to "unity" is embracing a type of regional diversity. It's what has kept the denomination together this long. And if we fail to understand this, then we are glossing our own ecclesial/political history.

In my opinion, some kind of "Regionalism" is the key to our future, and is the BEST option for the future of the United Methodist Church. Not, schism.

It would allow Progressives to fully minister without one hand tied behind their back. (As we are now).
It would allow clergy and congregations who wish to approve of gay marriage to perform those ceremonies in their congregations.
It would allow Conservatives to remain Conservative. If they wish to "conserve" their tradition, withing their congregations, have at it.

Trust me, Conservative Friends, if you've made it clear you oppose gay marriage, gays and lesbians are not gonna break down your door, demanding that you do their wedding.

However, I know they'd like me to to do them. And I'd love to.

A new "live and let live" would allow for this.

Progressives could fully reach their mission field. Conservatives could continue to oppose social change, as they see fit. Moderates would decide...whatever they wish...because they're moderates.

I see the same way forward, concerning LGBT clergy too. Regionalism, that is.
I realize that, in both these two views, many of my Progressive brothers and sisters would disagree with me. But, I'm trying to answer the the question "what is best for the denomination?"
Not, "what would I personally want?"
Or, what would be best for Progressives?

Is My "Best" Choice Likely to Happen?
I don't know. I believe it to be the way forward. However, frankly, I don't see the path.
Not without some kind of seismic shift in the way we do business.

Let me say it this way: General Conference, as currently structured, does not have a 2/3rds majority to affect changes to our Constitution that would make regionalism as possibility. Nor are the votes there, frankly, for any other kind of restructuring.

Bluntly, General Conference couldn't find 2/3rds of the delegates who would agree that, "Peanut Butter is delicious!" That's how divided and dysfunctional we are now.

However, I Believe Change IS Likely:
And I say this, based on "Game Theory." Bottom line: something's got to give. The present model is absolutely not sustainable, over time. If you believe the denomination can simply continue forward, as is, you are misreading the signs of our times.

Despite the fact that the votes aren't there to get regionalism, and that neither of the "Scenarios" I've mentioned above are a "best" choices, my strong hunch is that change is very likely.

Homosexuality continues to become less and less of a contentious issue in our society, while remaining a greater and greater sticking point within the United Methodist Church.

I actually agree with those who say they wish we'd quit talking about the issue. I agree with that. Because, frankly, the culture is making up its mind. And what they are telling us is that we're losing the "mission field" of America. We're losing many of our sons and daughters. How many adults have I talked to, who say "My children are no longer Methodist...their going somewhere more inclusive"?

As Adam Hamilton says, we will lose the next generation of American EVANGELICALS if we do not change. Therefore, we must change. In the end, we will find that it won't be an option, or even a debate. We will change.

Some will say: "But neither of these scenarios can happen, given the trust clause."Or, "Neither of these scenarios will happen, because the votes aren't there."

I believe that these statements are naive about how change may happen(3). And I would say to anyone:

If you believe change isn't coming because of the "trust clause" or because the votes aren't there, you have your head in the sand.

Some final thoughts on this...

Don't Put Your Trust in the Trust Clause
If you're putting your trust in the "Trust Clause," don't.
The "trust clause" only works as a deterrent to individual congregations leaving the denomination.

Should entire blocks of Progressive or Conservative congregations band together and challenge it, it would fall like the straw man it really is. I guarantee this. I'm not threatening this, understand (See Footnote #3). I'm still speaking of "Game Theory," here.

But should, as an example, dozens of Progressive or Conservative local churches chose to "give back" their properties in each Annual Conference? (Maybe not even dozens...maybe just three to five...).

The trust clause would evaporate.

Annual Conferences would not be able to financially sustain that many vacant properties. There would almost certainly be negotiations between the groups (either Progressives, or Conservatives) about how they would be able to amicably leave with their properties. Mark my word. This is absolutely possible at some future point.

Again, the bottom-line-point I'm making here is: If you're putting your "faith" in the Trust Clause, don't.

People Vote With Their Money
This is yet another way our system can still change. Yes General Conference takes the "votes of record" for the United Methodist Church.

But money is also a vote.

Every local church understands this. A local church can "vote" to build a new building. But the capital campaign for that building is also a "vote." If it does not go well, it doesn't matter what the "vote of record" says. People also vote with their money. The United Methodist Church is a voluntary association, and the funds that keep the entire enterprise going are given voluntarily by each congregation.

My point is, even though General Conference is hopelessly gridlocked and unable to change its Constitution under the normal rules, it's plausible that Congregations, Annual Conferences, Jurisdictions, can and will "vote" through their use of funds to support the General United Methodist Church....or to not support the General United Methodist Church.

Btw, this is, again, neither my idea, nor my preference. We Methodists, myself included, are incredibly uncomfortable with the whole idea of "withholding apportionments." (Our church has never done it!)

But it's reasonable to assume it could happen, under Game Theory. In fact, it's already been suggested by smart folks whom I've never even met, and who are (to my knowledge), not particularly Progressive or Conservative.
Read the clearest explanation of it here.

Point is, money is a vote just as potent as General Conference "votes." If things don't change via some other "regular" process, they will change through how we spend/don't spend our apportionments.

Conclusions
Is change coming to the United Methodist Church?
Yes. Absolutely. Without question.

The only question is how will it happen?

We can change through a managed process that yields one of the first two "scenarios" I outline. Or, we could still, by the grace of God, choose a regionalism that keeps us all under one big tent. (My favorite).

Finally, we can splinter via total collapse of the trust clause and the funding for the General Church altogether. That is also a choice. (Not a good one, of course...)

The choices are still ours.

What is not a choice is Homosexuality, and its acceptance into mainstream American life.

That is happening, and may even be fully integrated (at least with respect to gay marriage) before our next General Conference.

If the sticking point to our future together is truly "Homosexuality," then we have missed the whole point of what is happening in the United States right now. I mean, literally right this minute.

As I write these words, comes the news that the 12th state has approved gay marriage. That's effectively 1/4 of the states.

As I have said many other times, this societal change on homosexuality is not primarily a political movement, nor a social one. This change is a true moving of the Spirit of Jesus Christ in American society today. To not see it as such is a colossal failure of spiritual vision.

I hope and pray my beloved United Methodist Church finds the way forward to embrace this inclusive moving of God's Spirit.

To not do so is really the only choice that will kill us.

1. These are, as I've just said, stereotypes. I myself do not see myself as "Progressive" in every realm, but feel quite comfortable with many "Moderate" positions. In fact, my upbringing and (I would argue) my Annual Conference, is something of a bellweather conference for American United Methodist Moderates. We "get" the middle around here. Hence, although I'm fully supportive of Progressive UMC causes, I also perhaps understand the middle in ways that Progressives in other parts of the country cannot. Just sayin'

2. Keep in mind, I am taking the question literally here. I am not asking "is it good/bad for progressives, conservatives, or moderates?" Just is is "best" for the "United Methodist Church."

3. And I emphasize the word "MAY." I know of no movements afoot to innact any of what I describe here. I just know it's naive not to believe that if change is not managed through the UMC's traditional legislative process, it will not eventually happen in some other manner, such as collapse of the Trust Clause, or the withholding of apportionments.

My goal here is to speak to these as logically possible, without going further and endorsing them as my view.
That distinction is what I am attempting to do here.

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Reframing Clergy, Clergy Spouses, and "Smokin' Hot Wives"

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Sat, 11 May 2013 08:19:56 PDT

Ordained ministry is not the only profession struggling with the role of women in leadership. Truthfully, I don't know how we fare when set alongside other major professions. My hunch is, in some ways, the church is doing better than other professions. In other ways, probably far worse.

These issues are difficult, of course, precisely because they get at fundamental understandings (assumptions) about the intersection of family and professional life. And they are pronounced for clergy because, for better or worse, few other professions have quite the public-life that our clergy-family members face. (Perhaps only politician's families come close, and there is a similar conversation at play there…)

The "Reframing We Need"
I am led to the following: Precisely because ministry is a profession that intersects with almost every "family" you can think of (clergy family, church-member family, congregation-as-family), The Church should be leading on these issues more than we are now.

Because what we do, what we "assume," has an impact not only our our individual "clergy families," but also on all these other kinds of families too.

To really see a significant change in the role of clergy women today, we need a "reframing." We must "reframe" our understanding of "clergy families." Neither clergy men or clergy women get left out of this reframing, nor do their spouses. All are called upon to "reframe" as society and the Church also change.

What's inspired me to write on this is an incredible blog by my colleague, Rev. Christy Thomas. The title alone pulls you in and demands your attention: "Missing Babies, Feral Males, "Smokin' Hot Wives," and Female Appointments."

Man o' man. That just might be the single greatest blog title in recorded history.

It's well worth your read, and you probably won't fully "get" where I'm going, or why, unless you spend some time with it here.

The careful thread Christy weaves is about the relationship between men, women, and power. The first two points ("Selective Abortion," and "Feral Males") are powerfully connected thoughts, primarily in an international context.
I pray she's wrong about the whole thing. I'm pretty sure she's not.

Then, Christy shifts the conversation back to our American context with: "Smokin' Hot Wives," and "Female Appointments."

I must confess something, and I hope in this I am not rendering myself totally naive and out-of-touch. But never before reading this blog had I heard of the "Smokin' Hot Wives" phenomenon. If you're clueless too, Christy's got a link that will bring you up to speed.

I guess that's a part of the male-clergy culture I have missed. (Do I need to get out more?)

About "Smokin' Hot Wives," Christy says this:
"For the last several years, young, virile, charismatic male superstar pastors have made a big deal of their “smokin’ hot wives.” It appears to be a way to let everyone knows how sexually potent these pastors are…The phrase objectifies women, placing all their worth only on their ability to be sexually attractive."

Of course, I think she's dead-on. The thread she weaves in her final section, "Female Pastoral Appointments" is connected to "Smokin' Hot Wives," in that the one virtually excludes the possibility of the other.
If a church is used to a "Smokin' Hot Wife," what happens when a woman pastor shows up?
One with a fairly average-looking husband? Or even a single one?
How are either one of them able to live up to the assumptions about "family" that have been put in place by the "Smokin' Hot Wife" model?

It's a mighty good question.

BTW, The Judge just came in and read the draft of this blog. Her take on "Smokin' Hot Wives?" If you need to brag about your wife publicly, you're probably not nearly as viral, studly, and charismatic a man as you think. Those that are, don't brag.
(I love that woman…)

Near the end of the blog Christy offers up a word of hope:
"Why can’t we do this in real partnership? Male AND female? Young AND old? Beautiful AND plain? Charismatic AND quiet? And, yes I will dare to mention this: Heterosexual AND homosexual? But all with formed characters, impeccable moral lives and unwavering love of God and neighbor?"

To these questions, may I say: AMEN!

Christy seems somewhat sanguine about the possibility of real change toward "real partnership." So, I suppose the whole point of my blog here is to suggest unless we move toward real partnership, we're sunk.
Really, really sunk.

A Hopeful Way: Clergy Families As Mutual Partnerships
My entire ministry career, I have heard clergy (usually male) talk about how their ministry is a partnership between they and their wives. But when they describe what they mean by that, it's clear that the "partnership" they are describing is their own ministry within a local church, and the things their wives do to support that.

OK, I get that definition. But it's a funny way of describing what a "partnership" is. That's actually a one-way commitment, really. It's not a "partnership," is it?

I'm suggesting the hopeful way forward, the "partnership" that needs "reframing," is our idea of clergy families. All of them. Christy's blog primarily addresses women, and clergy women. That's important. But unless we "reframe" clergy families so that we see them as partnerships between two equal adult human beings, we're not likely to see real change in the situation of clergy women.

Clergy families must be seen as partnerships between men and women who are both equally called to professional and family life.(1) We desperately need to more fully celebrate clergy families in their mutual professional callings. Some of us are the clergy-members (male and female) of a family unit. Others of us are clergy-spouses (male and female) with their own careers and interests, sometimes not connected with the church.

The way to confront the "Smokin' Hot Wife" phenomenon is not to put the focus on the specific women designated as such, or even women at all.

But to ask:
How are our clergy spouses called?
To what are they called?
How do we clergy, and our church-families, support them?

My strong hunch is out of this will grow a new, and more healthy, understanding of the role of clergy...both women and men.

Do we believe the Discipline, and its section "The Ministry of All Christians?"

If so, then we implicitly affirm it for our spouses too. Our spouses (male and female) often have callings outside of church ministry. At least they can. Spouses are not necessarily "called" to serve the Church as their primary calling in life. Nor are they primarily called to assist us in our calling either.

Now, obviously, it really helps us if they are supportive, and it can really hurt us if they're not. It helps if they show up for church, and participate in its activities. But there are ways to frame this, where clergy families are no different than any couple in our local churches. As we all know, it really helps a family unity if everybody shows up for worship and Sunday School, and is involved, in the same congregation week after week.

Stories of The Judge and Me
I'd like to share some personal stories from our lives --about family, church, ministry, and calling-- in the hopes that they will help illustrate much of this "reframing" I'm talking about here. I suppose these might sounds like my own "Smokin' Hot Wife" stories. That's not my intent. The intent is suggest another way entirely...

Fact is that, early in our marriage, Dennise and I realized that the family life we wanted to have would be a new model. We certainly would not be alone, or anything like trailblazers, in this model. Plenty other couples have travelled the road before. For decades, really. But, we also realized it wasn't "traditional" either.

Early in our life together, we agreed that we'd both work, professionally. We'd both share housework. We'd both share child-rearing. That's the gist of it.

Practically, in our house it means I make breakfast for everybody (including the famous "green drink"). I fix lunches for Dennise and Maria. Therefore, I'm the last one out the door in the morning. Dennise takes care of most dinners. She's almost always home before me. (Evening meetings…imagine that!) We both pick up Maria from school and deliver her to/from an ever-growing list of youth activities.

We understood at the time that there would be few role models for us. Clergywomen say this all the time about themselves, but it's really true of their families too; and of all dual-career families too.

"How Long Have You Been In the Ministry?"
A story about Dennise, related to my "calling."

When Dennise and I were just engaged, a well-meaning church member approached her and asked "So, how long have you been in the ministry?"

Raised Roman Catholic (Without the benefit of any clergy spouse models, good or bad…), the question really threw her.
She looked over at me, and said, "Oh, I'm not the minister. He is."

Later, she grew to understand what was behind the questioner's query. Truth is, the question itself showed just how pervasive the "out-of-balance-partnership" model really was twenty years ago.

This person could not conceive that Dennise might have a "calling" outside of the local church; a calling of her own. Thankfully, things in many places are changing. Mainly, because most families today are "dual-income families."

In many of our church families, a working clergy spouse (male or female, "stay at home," or "career") is the now, and will be, the norm. And it's what church folks see in their own families too. My strong belief is that, as our church-families "reframe" their own lives in terms of "dual-income" households, so too they will expect it of us.

"Is This Mr. Garcia?"
But! To make this work, as a part of this, we clergy must also "reframe" our roles too! We must reframe our relationships to our spouses. We, male and female clergy alike, must make the time, find the space, to become supportive spouses. Busy as we are, with all the demands we have in our own ministry, clergy must make space, find time, for those of us who have spouses with full-time careers, to support our spouse's careers too.

A long time ago, when I was an associate pastor, I was the guest preacher at Sachse UMC one Sunday morning. That afternoon, their crack team of volunteers vigilantly called the house, because Dennise had signed the visitor log that morning. Because of our different last names, they had no idea they were calling the house of that's morning's preacher.

I answered the phone, and an eager volunteer said, "Mr. Garcia?!"

After a few seconds hesitation --still not knowing who was calling-- I said, "Yes!"

Yes. Sometimes I am, proudly, "Mr. Dennise Garcia."

Sometimes I am "The Judge's spouse." Sometimes, an evening-event is her event, not the church's or mine. Sometimes, it's my "calling" to support her, to be the spouse on her arm. Frankly, it's a whompin' load 'o fun. It's fun for both she and I to watch the roles shift and change. Sometime she leads. Sometimes I do. Sometimes we both try at the same time (watch out…that can get ugly…).

More Than the Couple Must Change
For this to work, takes more than the decision of a couple in their own marital vow. Because The Church is also a "family system" it also takes the whole UMC system also "reframing" these issues too.

Early in ministry --when talking about appointments with my then-District Superintendent, a man very near retirement at the time-- I shared with him that when I looked ahead, I could envision a time when I followed Dennise somewhere. For example, were she to ever get a great job in Washington DC, or Austin, I could envision me being the one who would re-locate for her sake. (For our family's, really)

This absolutely threw him. It was like he'd never heard anything so ridiculous. He really had no idea how to respond; and, for a few seconds, almost looked mortally offended.

But then, after some awkward silence, he said, "Well, I have a daughter who's a lawyer. So, when I think of it that way, I guess I understand."

Lots has changed since this encounter. Some has not.

I'm honored to serve Northaven Church where, long before we arrived, the congregation had developed just this ethos of mutual partnership between the two-halves of a clergy couple. For example, every year, the every UM church must file a "Church Profile" that with the Annual Conference, stating just what kind of pastor they're looking for.

Years before we arrived, Northaven Church began including the following sentence in their profile: "We do not have a stated expectation for the ministry of the pastor’s spouse, except that he or she should follow his or her own call."

Amen and Amen!

You can't imagine how wonderful it has been for us to have a local church affirm that ideal of the "Ministry of All Christians" when applied to the clergy spouse too.
That's precisely the kind of leadership we need from all of our local churches.
We need our Annual Conference officials to encourage this view too. (Increasingly, they do!)

In addition to pushing churches to say "we will take a man or a woman as pastor," we must simultaneously say something like that sentence about clergy spouses….in every profile for every United Methodist Church.

Yes, clergy spouse can be stay-at-home wives/husbands.
Amen to that. That is a beautiful professional "calling."
Yes, clergy spouses can be active in the ministry of their local churches, supporting their "spouse who is a clergyperson."
Amen to that. As we've just noted above, that's deeply helpful too.

In fact, I believe Dennise would say that precisely because our local church has so honored and respected her career, she has been much more willing to volunteer than perhaps she otherwise might have. She baked dozens of lasagnas for the youth talent show last Saturday night, for example. She's taught Sunday School. She's even been involved in Annual Conference committees.

But clergy spouses can also have full-time careers outside the home too.
And a final "Amen" to that.

Called, As All Christians Are Called
So, let me keep sharing about "The Judge" and me, as an example. Dennise sees her role as a Judge as a "calling." It absolutely is. It would be absolutely impossible for me --based on my understanding of "The Ministry of All Christians"-- to see it as anything less than but what God has called her to.

She deals with families and their futures each and every day in ways that intimately affect their lives. It's often painful and messy; high-stakes and high-stress.

But, from the very first day she took the bench, she has seen it as a "calling."

Other spouses I know are called to hundreds of other possible careers too. Called to raise children. Whatever the calling, it must and should be honored and supported by local churches and "the system," and individual clergy themselves as family members.

Only when we have made this shift --only when we fully see our men and women clergy spouses as fully "called" to their work, whatever it is-- will we fully confront the "Smokin' Hot Wife" phenomenon. But, not by confronting it, head-on, at all. Instead, by drawing a totally new frame around our definition of who clergy and their spouses are.

Why Do We Need To Do This?
Because it reflects real changes at work in our world. Because as I've already noted, these are increasingly the families in our pews. Check out this incredible report from the Pew Center, on "Modern Parenthood." It's worth noting how the family itself has been changing.

Yes, I suppose we can lament this. Or, we can celebrate and embrace it, and ask ourselves: what are the implication for our church-families, our clergy families, too?

While working women clearly still spend more time on housework and childcare than do working men, there is a whole lot more parity out there than the "traditional 1950s" model ever assumed. What I am saying in this blog is that reframing is not only limited to how we behave around other men, it's also changing the understanding of how men and women both "lead."

In families.
In churches.
In society as a whole.

This is where The Church is now. This is where The Church is going in the future.

And it will, of course, take change on the part of men, clergy and their families.

Oops. Women Must Change Too.
Implied in much I have said here is the old idea that men's roles in the family must change.
But! Lest you miss the overall point, it will also take change on the part of women. Clergy women, too.
A small illustration….

Dennise is currently an officer in the NTC "clergy spouses" group. It's a challenging role, as you might imagine, for somebody will a full-time career. Over a year ago, she was trying to recruit more "male spouses" to attend clergy spouse events. In her mind (and I agree with her) one of the shifts that needs to happen is for "professional spouses" (men and women) to find some *new* role (still emerging) as "clergy spouses" too.
Not the "traditional role," but new ones. For better or worse (both, I am sure) male and female clergy spouses share a lot in common.

So, Dennise mentioned this to a female clergy colleague of mine.
She said something along the lines of, "Hey, you should get your husband to come to the clergy spouses group."

To which this person replied (to Dennise, mind you)

"Oh, he couldn't do that…He has a full-time job."

Um……Oops.

See? This is part of the issue too. So deeply embedded, we don't see it. We can't see that there's still a role for a professional spouse (man or woman) to support their clergy spouse, and vice-versa.

Along with spouses supporting their male/female clergy partners? Clergy must find ways to support their spouse's careers too. The future will be a two-way street of mutuality.

My Own Experience, as a Man
Privately, do I tell my wife that she's "smokin' hot?"
You know what? That's none of your business. I will leave you to guess.
But publicly, as many of you know, I call her "The Judge."

And while that's always been a kind of joke, it's not just a term of endearment (Or, even bragging). It's a reminder to me, to her, and everybody else watching, that this is how I see her:
As "The Judge."
As more than appendage to my career, but instead as full partner in our marriage and life together.
As someone with her own unique calling and career that I respect, admire, and support.

Twenty Years On
Is any of this easy?
No. It is not. It's hard work. Frankly, Dennise and I are often quite tired. Many people look in on our lives ask "How do you do it?"

Interestingly, that's not really a question we ask ourselves a lot anymore. It's not to say we're not tired, or that we sometimes don't doubt we'll "get everything done." But the "tired" is an exhilarating kind of tired.

Fact is, each and every day, we wake up and pinch ourselves. We pinch ourselves about how lucky we are to have each other, how lucky we are to have such an incredible daughter, and how lucky we are, professionally, to get to live-out the callings we live out each day. We're always giving thanks to God.

We're coming up on our 20-year anniversary in just a few weeks. That alone is hard to imagine. The decision we made, years ago --to forge a different, "reframed," kind of "mutual marriage"-- has been deeply fulfilling each and every day, even when we didn't have many mentors to lead us along the path in the beginning, and even during the many days when it's absolutely exhausting.

But the truth is, lots of folks are walking this path now. We're not really that unusual anymore.

So, I've shared these stories of our lives as "model/mentor stories" that we didn't have when we said those wedding vows; twenty-years ago. "Reframing" can be done. It can be done well, and it can be a blessing to you, your spouse, your children, and your church

Life is always full of change. Nothing, not even the rock and the trees --much less our human institutions-- ever stays the same. Heraclitus was right about that river:
“No one ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and they're not the same person.”

Keirkegaard noted that Heraclitus had a Disciple who took it a step further:
"No one steps in the same river once."

And whether or not your path is like ours, the point is all our clergy families are changing, being "reframed;" because family itself, The Church itself, are also constantly being reframed as humanity moves into its future.
That's a good thing. Really, it is.
It's hopeful. Really, it is.

The way to confront the "Smokin' Hot Wives" phenomenon, the way to advance the issue of pastoral appointments for women, the way forward for all of us, will involve reframing…in each clergy family…in each local churches…among our Cabinets and Bishops.

It will be hard and tiring work. But it will be exhilarating too. And if we do it, in an era where both men and women increasingly lead in the private sector, the United Methodist Church could be uniquely suited to lead the future Church of Jesus Christ.

(1)Because it is my own family situation, I am mostly going to address the situation of a "dual-income household" here. I am not attempting to minimize the role of a "stay at home parent," whether male of female. In fact, I attempt to stay -- and trust I am heard to say-- that this is a truly important "calling" that a clergy spouse might undertake. I'm hopeful that others who are following that path, might be able to address more fully the "partnership issues" and "reframing" issues related to families with one stay-at-home parent. Because, even though this is a more "traditional" model, modern family life is leading this model to subtle, and not-so-subtle, changes too.

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Blog Changes

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Fri, 10 May 2013 12:17:46 PDT

After many years with the same layout, I've taken the plunge and changed my blog layout. It's probably well beyond time for this.

Change is good, and in the digital world that changes every day, it was probably silly to keep the same layout for almost a decade.

The layout was tied to my website, which really also needs serious updating.

In fact, I manage three websites, and all three of them need serious upgrading pretty soon. Look for that. Very soon.

In the meantime, now might be a fun time to journey back through some of the entries here. This new layout is a part of Blogger's "Dynamic Design Templates," and they're pretty cool.

Just click on some entries to see the fun interface.

Even more fun than this, close out this entry, and find the menu up in the top left....it probably says "Magazine" as the default.

Scroll through some of other cool ways you can look at organize all the content here. My favorite is "Flipcard." You can arrange things by date...and by "label" Both, very very cool.

The only annoyance right now is that Disqus does not seem to work with this interface. That's a serious annoyance for me. I hope they figure that out soon.

So, change is good.

Check it out.

All Is Well

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Fri, 10 May 2013 09:14:49 PDT

The incredible news of yesterday was no blockages!!!
The doc said the arterties were "clear as the day you were born," and the nurse called them "textbook."
YES!!

Here's the video...

So, that means some kind of electrical problem with "extra" beats in between the regular cycle of beats.
The doc is not worried about it for now, and even indicated that there might be nothing to do about it for now. I will see him in a few weeks to discuss.

So, we'll see how this unfolds.

A little rest over the next few days....and lots of prayers of gratitude.

Every now and then, I get reminded of two blessings...
a) That Facebook can actually be kinda cool, and
b) That I have amazing friends.

Friends: I can't tell you how powerful it was to have your prayers, thoughts, jokes with me yesterday while I had my heart procedure.
Stopping to read FB comments now and then was....AWESOME.

The sense of prayer, and happy thoughts, was overwhelming. Thank you. Sincerely.

Stuff Happening With Me

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Tue, 07 May 2013 04:00:06 PDT

Tuesday morning, I will go in for an angiogram on my heart. This results from a series of tests that docs have been running on me in the past few weeks. It started with the recognition by my primary care doc that the electrical circuitry in my heart appeared to be off. (Just a routine exam...)

That led to stress test, holter monitor, etc....

The result of that is the discovery that my heart apparently beats a whopping 20,000-more times a day than the average heart should. (Who knew?)

There are no physical symptoms of this, whatsoever. My heart rate is good. So is my blood pressure.
But it is troubling, to be sure.

So, Tuesday morning is an angiogram.

If it shows no blockages, then by process of elimination, it's an "electrical problem." The heart doc seems to think there's a decent chance this is all it is. The evidence supporting this view is that the extra beats seem to go away when I am exercising. (That's apparently a good sign...)

However, the troubling part is that the *pattern* of my extra beats is one that often indicates blockages. So, hmnn...thus the angiogram. That's the gist of it.

So, we're looking at one of these options:
a) Electrical problems...which means a short hospital stay Tuesday, and further treatment down the road.
b) Blockages...which means stints literally that day, and maybe staying overnight.
c) Blockages, which means surgery later on.

Needless to say, this has all been unfolding rather quickly.

Dennise, me, and my parents will be at the hospital at 6 am on Tuesday morning. I'm supposed to be in the procedure by 8 am. (arrival time, 6 am). We're choosing not to say which hospital at this time, since I may only be there a few short hours. If I must stay overnight, we'll let you all know more.

We'll probably post updates to Facebook as we know more on Wednesday. Several clergy friends will be with me Tuesday morning, and I've asked Mary Clair to hold down the fort at the Church. We will be giving out info to Northaven through her.

So, point is, asking for your prayers and happy thoughts.

More soon.

Today's Bush Library Dedication

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 07:35:58 PDT

I believe the decision to house a Presidential Library, any Presidential Library, at a major university is a no-brainer, and a real honor for that university.

Presidential Libraries become those places where the legacies of presidents are finally sorted out. Historians come to comb the record, write the histories, that ultimately help us shape our views of what happened in any specific era.

President Bush believes history will exonerate his policies, specifically with respect to the moral justification of the Iraq War. That has not happened yet. I see no likelihood that it will. But I am glad that SMU will house the library that will allow academics to create that full historical picture.

The policy institute is another matter. The idea that an independent think-tank --with a stated goal of continuing to develop the ideas of the Bush Administration, free from the university's guidance-- should be housed on university property is a horrible error on SMU's part.

Frankly, I am ashamed of it.

So, I love the library, because presidential libraries are a good thing for a university's academic legacy.

I hate the institute, or "think-tank," and it makes me embarrassed for SMU and Methodists everywhere.

The presence of the five living presidents is a good example of why I believe this think-tank is such a bad idea. Three of those are Democrats; spanning three separate decades of modern American history. The only Republicans are members of the same family.

In the past six presidential elections, Democrats have won the popular vote in five of them. More than any other measure, more than any other poll, that popular vote indicates where America has been these past twenty years.

That means, de facto, that the policies that will be studied at this "think thank" are clearly out-of-step with the majority of Americans today. Again, further embarrassment that my university will be tied to something so out-of-step with the nation.

So, congratulations to President Bush on the Library. I really do mean that. It's a great day, if we just leave it there. A great day for him. A great day for SMU. A great day for Dallas.

But the think tank?

I can't envision a time when I will ever believe it is a good idea.

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Fear is a Liar

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 08:23:12 PDT

It's been quite a jarring week in the news.
Boston.
Ricin Letters to the President.
Kaufman County.
The explosion in West, Texas.
Flooding in the midwest.

The "news cycle" feels unrelenting. As a friend of mine said moments ago: you know it's bad when they interrupt breaking news to bring you more breaking news.

One of the things I am trying to do more of these days is to intentionally tear myself away from the Internet, the Facebook/Twitter Feed, and Cable News cycle. Sometimes, even while breaking news is happening. (As I am doing in this moment, even as the chase for the Boston bombers is ongoing in the real world…)

I'm still quite plugged-in, don't get me wrong. But more and more as I can, I am trying to become aware of how fear, anxiety, and stress creep into my body during times like these...and how sometimes their door inside my soul is my own obsession with "the news."

I remember, for example, the feeling after Oklahoma City (that anniversary is today, btw) or September 11th. I remember the stress-reaction that stayed with me for months. I remember how relentlessly I was glued to the TV for tidbits of news and insight. It stayed with you too, didn't it? It did for us all.

Terrorists want this. They want us glued to our TVs, analyzing their every motive. They want our attention. Even the alleged killers in Kaufman County clearly wanted our attention.

The relentless 24-hour news cycle wants this too. They also want us glued to our TVs. Their entire survival is contingent upon us….not…looking…away.

Yes, they provide a helpful service. But they also keep us transfixed and emotionally frozen. It's their job to do so. If we stopped watching, they'd go away, and they know that.
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Deep inside our DNA, there are fear-reponse-triggers that await stress and traumatic events. Early in human history, people really did have to fear whatever it was that was lurking around every corner…
The animal that might eat them while they slept…
The neighboring village that might attack without provocation...

The adrenal-response that screams "DANGER!" at the first sign of any, got fixed inside our DNA. And, in many ways, that's good. It's what has kept our species alive.

The problem is, it can be triggered by events that have nothing to do with us personally, or are thousands of miles away. The Internet and Cable News "aid and abet" this. They help trigger fear, a sense of danger, adrenaline, and stress that never used to happen about events that happen thousands of miles away.

It's not to say we shouldn't have empathy, sympathy and compassion for those who are victims of terrorists acts like Boston. It IS to say, we must reassure ourselves (not just our children) that we are OK.

So, I urge you: be aware of the fear, anxiety and stress in your body. Something truly fearful will probably one-day happen to you. You don't need to create those responses from outside events you can't control, didn't cause, and aren't a part of your world. Nobody gets out of life without their own life traumas. Real ones will come to you, you don't need to seek them through the TV.

A few days ago, I reposted this picture…

I love this picture. Fear IS a liar. Fear lies to us all the time. Fear move us to responses that are totally out of proportion with real threats. Fear causes us to do things we later regret.

A few days back, I asked Facebook friends to post their favorite quotes about fear. I got 41 amazing responses. I'll post some now, in the hopes that they might be helpful to some of you…

"There are 365 citations of the phrase "Fear not!" in the Bible. That's one "Fear not!" for every day of the year."*

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-- Frank Herbert*

Fear is "False Evidence Appearing Real."

"Vivir en miedo, es vivir a media" A life lived in fear is a life half lived."*

"Fear is exacerbated by the mind running amok, thus any of the Passage Meditation mantra are useful for silencing the mind gone wild ... Hard (to remember) to use when most needed but very powerful when used often!"

"Fear is faith that evil will prevail"

"Faith is fear that has said its prayers."

"Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of those feelings and needs, people lose their desires to attack back because they see the human ignorance leading to those attacks. Instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships."
-- Marshall Rosenberg

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory."
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt, Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
-- Master Yoda

"Shine the light of compassion on all that frightens you to find healing and freedom."
-- Tara Brach

"In the dark recesses of the mind, a disease known as fear feasts upon the souls who cannot overcome its power."
-- Ramandeep Singh

"From the new movie, "After Earth"; "Fear is not real. Don't misunderstand. Danger is real, but fear is a choice.""

There were many many others. And, as I often am, I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many wise and sage online friends.

The afternoon of the Boston bombing, I still found time to get away for a short trip around White Rock on my bike. I must say, it was a bit surreal to do this, given that everybody in the world was glued to their TVs. As I got to the spillway, I snapped this shot. And a word came to me: "Remember, in the event of an emergency, put on your own oxygen mask first."

That silly instruction is given to us by the flight crew on any flight anywhere. And yet it's deeply true, isn't it? What they are telling us is far more profound than putting a piece of plastic over your nose. They are speaking to our fear response, and saying:

"In the event of an emergency, do not let fear overcome you, so that that you fail to live. Don't forget to breathe. Don't forget to do that FIRST. Then, and only then, will you be any help to others."

This came to me again on Wednesday night, as I started hearing word of the horrific explosion in West, Texas. I was at Mount Sequoyah, the retreat center in Fayetteville, AR, for a Board of Trustees meeting. And it was surreal. For, while I was taking a late-night walk around Skyline Drive, soaking in the beauty of the trees, the news from home was screaming headlines of horror and death, once again.

By the way, the wind was incredible up there that night. There were storms coming later on. But around midnight? Just an amazing wind in the trees. It was so loud it sounded like a jet engine. I walked around the backside of Skyline Drive, near the watertower, and literally heard the wind howl. Truly awe-inspiring.
----------------------------------

Look, I understand…the news cycle is awfully grim these days.
So, do yourself some favors…

First, turn off you TV. Finish reading this, and turn off your device. Just sit in silence for a moment.
Can you feel fear in your bones?

If so, that's not good. That's adrenaline and energy that is sapping life from you right now. Doctors will tell you that too much stress can lead to heart attacks, stokes, and generally reduce our immune system; making us susceptible to all sorts of disease.

So, scroll back up and read one of those quotes about fear that seems to strike you.
For me, I love the simple, Biblical admonition to, "Fear Not."

I believe there's a reason that God keeps telling us human beings this, over and over. God knows and understands that this fear-response can get out of whack. God knows and understands that, time and time again, we'll let our fears get the best of us.

So, fear not. Because fear is a liar.

I don't know what they are, but I know this: Right now, in ways you need to become aware of, your fears are lying to you.

Become aware of them.

Consider keeping the TV off today. You can learn more about the two terrorists tomorrow…where they were from…what their motivations were, etc, etc…
In fact, trust me. They'll know more tomorrow morning that you can possible learn even if you watch all day. They'll know even more the day after that.

Your world won't end if you wait until then to find out the info. In fact, given what I've said about how stress can kill us, your world might end sooner if you spend all day watching and worrying!

The most important work you must do today is to keep the fear from resting permanently inside you, like during those months and years just after September 11th. Find ways to do that NOW.

The world needs (and so do you) your hope, your inner peace, your calm-center far more than you need to watch headline news for one more second this day.

(* "Fear quotes" with an asterisk were suggested by more than one friend...)

(Leave a comment below via your Twitter, Facebook or Google+ account. And, if you like this post, then "share it" or "like" it on Facebook by clicking the box below, so others can see too. Comments here are moderated, and are approved at my descretion, when I can get to it..so be patient if they don't appear right away)

Carole Carsey

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 14:48:53 PDT

With little editing (meaning: there's lots of typos) here is my eulogy for beloved Northavener, Carole Carsey. This should publish around the time the service starts today. She was always one of my "Balcony People" but is for sure now...EF

I am confident that everyone in this room will agree with me when I say that Carole Carsey was one of the most remarkable human beings I have ever known.

She was an incredibly gifted social worker, leader, community activist and organizer....she was a passionate 40-year member of Northaven Church.

She was a wife, family member, friend. And I know I speak for everyone in this room, when I say: Our lives are different...our lives are imeasureably better for having known Carole Carsey.

It was great honor to be her pastor. It was a humbling honor to be mentored by her. Carole was a wise and deep river. When she was the Chair of our Staff Parish Committee, I truly savored the times we would meet by ourselves to "check-in" once-a-month, and to see how things were with the church...what she was hearing...what I was hearing...etc...Many of those meetings, for convenience sake, would be at their home in Oak Cliff.

I would breeze in....usually, late....busy with a million things....thinking about what was I needed to do next...thinking about what my next "AGENDA" was...

And there would be Carole.....sitting in her chair, smiling a wise smile....forcing me, with her very physical presence to SLOW DOWN....to pause....to BREATHE...to BREATHE deeply.

What I realized, as I was writing this remembrance for today, was that Carole has been one who has taught, and reminded me, to BREATHE.
She knew a little about the subject.

I know this will sound terribly corny to people not of my generation...but I don't care. This is who I have said Carole was to me....she was my Yoda in a wheelchair.

That's how it felt to me! This incredibly, wise, deep, thoughtful person, dripping empathy and compassion from every pour of her body....one of the very best listeners I have ever known in my life....able to get at feeling that other folks didn't even know were there...able to passionately, forcefully state a case and say a hard thing to someone, if she needed to. But doing it all with incredible care and love.

For example, when John Thornburg had been pastor here at Northaven for just a short while, he accidentally overheard Carole say to somebody, "When is going to stop smiling all the time..."
Which put him off at first. Until he realized that the real, honest message from Carole was: John, be real and honest. Be yourself.

To sit with Carole was to get comfortable with silence. If you weren't comfortable with it before you met her, you would be by the time you left. Some of it was the demands of her own breathing...that breathing cadence left room for silences. But other times? The silence was because a wise pause of silence what was needed in the moment.

Carole was born in June of 1940. And grew up in Greenville, Texas...with two incredible parents: Eben and Martha Carsey. They named her after the glamorous movie star, Carole Lombard, and decided that the name "Carole Carsey" was so perfect on its own, that it needed no middle name.

A few years later, there were two other siblings, Eben Jr, or "Buddy," and Martha Jane, and they were a loving family of five.

Carole knew early on that she wanted to be a social worker. She graduated with a BA from SMU and an Master in Social Work from UT-Austin. Carole worked as a medical social worker for the Texas Institute for Rehabilitation & Research in Houston. She served as therapist for Family & Individual Services in Arlington and as an adjunct faculty at UTA.

In 1974 she became a supervisor for Child Protective Services in Dallas. Carole began private practice in 1980 and continued serving clients until 2012 when her health began to fail. She led groups for mothers of sexually abused children and served as Program Director for Incest Recovery Association in Dallas. She served as a counselor with the Texas Rehabilitation Commission from 1995-2000.

Carole was passionate about serving Northaven Church. I would list for you all the various committees that Carole served on her. But it's quicker say it this way: she served on ALL of them. And she not only served on all of them...she pretty much chaired all of them too. I think everyone would agree that she's been one of our key lay leaders for the past forty years.

Carole would get emotional in worship. She would often be in tears after a service, talking about how beautiful some part of it had been to her...how a message had spoken to her. I can remember her "Prayers of People" and how her voice would often tremble with emotion as she prayed for people...often people in far away lands...suffering from war, injustice, or oppression.

But she not only served Northaven...she served the greater United Methodist Church. Carole helped the Annual Conference develop our original "Safe Sanctuary policies."

She was Coordinator for the Crisis Rapid Response Team. (The CART Team for short) For those who don't know, this is a team of trained church folks from the Annual Conference who are dispatched to work with area churches that were going through a time of crisis...often, sadly, an allegation of sexual abuse or impropriety. This group comes in, and offers time to just listen to church members, helping them work through the various conflicting emotions that well up after such an event.

I cannot tell you how many United Methodist pastors have talked to me over these eight months of Carole's illness..and told me what a difference she made to them...and what a difference she made to their local churches.
In a real sense, Carole Carsey has helped bring healing and wholeness to many many United Methodists and churches in North Texas.

And, if that wasn't enough, she also worked in prisons, leading a therapy group in recent years, for women inmates in the Dallas County Jail, through the great organization called Resolana.

Carole described herself as "with no apologies, a Yellow Dog Democrat" who lived through what she called "the dark ages of Dallas County," and lived to see Democrats elected once again. I'm not editorializing, of course...I'm telling you how she talked about it to me.

Every election cycle, if you went over the Carole's house, you'd see "voter registration cards" out, ready to sign up folks to vote. She go down the grocery store, and sit out front, trying to register people to vote. She was passionate about politics.

Carole wrote and published three books. One, "England on a Roll," was about and incredible trip she and Willie made to England in 1999.  Speaking of Willie....

Carole met Willie Henning when she was working at UTA and he was a student. Willie recalls that they first met at something like a "social worker awareness week" or something like that...at UTA.
Willie had a question about something that nobody knew that answer to. But a woman said, "Well Carole Carsey will know..."
So Willie went and asked Carole and, sure enough, she did.

The didn't really develop a friendship until, ironically, Willie started dating Carole's caretaker at the time, a woman named Beth.
Beth would invite Willie to come over.

But soon, Willie wasn't coming to visit Beth anymore. Willie was coming to visit Carole. In those days, Willie was working at local Montgomery Wards, and Carole would invite him over after work to eat leftovers.

The way Willie tells it, he once went to her because he had been deeply troubled by a book he'd been reading. He went to her for comfort and advice, as the friend she had become. But in the course of that evening, they shared their first hug...and the rest, as they say, is history.
Before long, they were a couple, and soon, inseparable.

But! Soon after, Willie had a slight crises of purpose in life. He was having trouble finishing a degree, and had a yearning to see the world. So, he decided...like so many of his generation...to head out and see America. He bought a sleeping bag from the Whole Earth Catalogue, and head to California.....Ohio...Michigan....

But all along the way, he would write home to Carole, and she would write him. Carole later said she wasn't sure whether or Willie would come back to her. But when she finally got a looong eighteen-page letter from Willie, she knew that Willie would be coming home.
Sure enough, he did.

And, gasp! They moved in together! Not statistically shocking for a couple today...but a little surprising in the early 1970s.
Carole's parents wondered whether this "hippie would take advantage of their daughter."
Willie's parents were horrified of their "living in sin."

Eventually, they decided on their own to get married, and did so on Valentines Day of 1974. They moved into their home in 1976. Joined Northaven around that same time. And have remained soulmates ever since.

Carole and Willie were a team. Together with longterm caregivers, like our dear friend, Alicia, they formed a family. Carole was the brains. She kept everything going. She had a way that she liked everything to be done. Even if she couldn't do it...she had very specific ideas for how Willie and Alicia should do things. Carole was the brains. They were the body.

Speaking of this, I have now talked to you for almost seven pages about Carole Carsey, and I have yet to really delve into the one thing that everybody also knew about Carole: Carole Carsey had polio. But to know Carole was to know someone who never allowed polio to define who she was.

Carole got polio at age 12, while at a summer camp in Kerrville. She spent almost a year away from her family, in Kerrville, and later in Houston, recuperating from the disease. She spent months of that first year in an "iron lung." Eventually, she learned to breathe with the assistance of a ventilator.

At Carole and Willie's home in Oak Cliff, just inside the front door, and hanging over the mantle there is a painting of a young girl. She's ten-years-old, and the painting was done in 1950. She's in a summer dress and her hair is beautifully curly. And when you see it, it only takes a moment to realize it's Carole.

It's Carole before polio. Carole Carsey as the little girl she once was...the girl who loved to ride horses...and swim and play baseball....and go to summer camp...and do all the other things that other little girls --growing up in Greenville, Texas-- do.

When I first saw that painting of Carole --a decade ago, and before I really knew Carole well-- I thought to myself, "what a different person she must be now."

However, as time passed, I realized that wasn't true at all. Carol Carsey...at age 10, before polio....at age 30, with it.....and at age 72, in her final year....Carole Carsey was the same person in her core.

And, just as you can't see any polio in that portrait of her at age ten, Carole Carsey had a remarkable ability to make you forget she had polio as an adult too. You could be sitting with her in a meeting, a group of people in rapt conversation, and you could literally forget that the woman before you was a quadraplegic in a wheelchair.

For me, there were only fleeting times when it would become apparent...she'd ask to you turn a page for her....or plug in her chair.

But, often, the "disability" would completely vanish. And that was because she chose to not be limited by it.

Here are some of her own words about her Christian faith, and her life in the wheelchair:

"When I was twelve years old, I contracted polio. This was before the vaccine, and polio was a feared disease at the time. Some would say that my life was ‘changed forever’ by polio. On one level, it was, but in some ways nothing changed. I have always felt that I have been the same person since the polio as before. As a teenager I cried into the pillow at night a few times because I had a crush on a boy who didn't ask me out, but years later I realized that also happens to teenagers who don't have polio. I had uncertainties about what would happen when I grew up, but I thought and planned and hoped. My faith was part of this journey with polio. Polio was not a crisis for my faith."

Carole was in an iron lung for months after contracting polio. Carole breathed with the assistance of a ventilator for just about 60-years....very likely one of the longest surviving human beings on the planet to ever do so for so long.

But, that's the thing: as we've just been saying...she didn't just "survive," she thrived...she excelled at being a social worker....at serving her church...at serving her community...she mentored hundreds of people...and wrote those books we mentioned...all while in that chair.

A few years back, the National Association of Social Workers gave Carole a "lifetime achievement award." And at that event, her brother Eben noted that she didn't just deserve that award, he said "Carole deserves a lifetime achievement award in LIFE."

Carole navigated her life with charm and, what seemed to outsiders, like effortless grace. It wasn't. But that's how she made it seem. And she worked very hard at that.

A few years ago, another church member experienced a serious illness that might have left him incapacitated...possibly in a wheelchair. (It didn't...)

But, he knew that Carole might know something of how to deal with that. And so, he went to ask her, "Tell me how you do what you do, because I may have to learn how."

She said that very early on in her life, she realized that it was going to be up to her to make people feel comfortable with her. She took it on, as her responsibility. She made it her goal to disarm people...to take away their fear of the polio...their fear of the chair...so that they could see the soul sitting in it.

As I think about this, it seems to me, then that the wheelchair did change Carole. In this way: It made her more empathetic....more compassionate toward others....more willing to listen first, before speaking....more inclined to pull a person in, so that they would feel comfortable in her presence...because she made it her servant-calling was to make other comfortable with her.

Speaking of her "servant-calling," she took that very seriously. Here's something of what she said about it once. She said:

"There are many ways that social work fits me well, one being the way it intersects with my faith. One of my favorite Bible passages is from Matthew 25: whatever you did for these, the least of my brothers, you did for me. There is a way in which social work is a ministry for me. I feel that when I'm working with an individual or a group the Holy Spirit is on my shoulder, is in the room making things happen.

The New Testament has two divergent messages for us -- the way to personal salvation and the imperative to work for social justice. I don't seem to worry about my personal salvation. But I well with passion about the imperative to work for social justice."

And that she did. Just like her "prayers of the people," Carole herself "welled with passion" for social justice. It led her to become at advocate for LGBT persons in the United Methodist Church. She would attend annual conference worship, wearing her "Reconciling stole." And in some General Conference years, she would pay visits to some of our North Texas delegates, encouraging them to vote for church law that allowed for the full inclusion of LGBT people.

Carole once said that her compassion for LGBT persons initially came from her own experience with polio. She talked of how it was two or three years after polio, before she was ready to physically and emotionally try to go to church. And when she did, she found there was no easy way to do it. She said:

"I could not slip quietly into the back of the church, but had to be carried in my wheelchair by 4 men up a flight of about 15 stairs. And I was carried up the steps week after week. For me, that was real hospitality, and as an adult I have experienced real inclusiveness as my gifts and talents have been utilized as a member of the priesthood of believers in the several Methodist churches I have joined since moving away from Greenville. This hospitality and inclusiveness have shaped my life and wonderful ways.
I am probably especially sensitive to the importance of inclusiveness because of my experience as a disabled person. The very nature of my disability has excluded me from some situations.
...my Christian journey brought me to be a member of Northaven UMC where I have remained because I have been encouraged and inspired in my faith. Inclusiveness is important at Northaven because our faith journey has brought us a rich experience with diversity. At this point about a third of our membership is gay or lesbian. Our gay and lesbian members are as vital part of our leadership..."

You see, Carole's own memories of not just exclusion, but also of radical hospitality made her a powerful advocate for LGBT persons in the United Methodist Church.

But for Carole's life to work, she also needed a Village.

Her first village was that loving family...her parents, Eben and Martha....her siblings Eben Jr and Martha Jane. Eben and Martha Jane, it was an honor to meet both of you in the past months, in the ICU at St. Paul. And, Eben: especially during those scary weeks in October, you were a real rock to your sister and to Willie.

I can't imagine all the ways Carole's polio changed your lives too...separations from your parents you were all kids....but you were caring and loving siblings to her.

Carole was cared for by caregivers along the way...
Friends who carried her up and down the stairs of her dorm at SMU....
Those who carried her in and out of Kavanaugh UMC in Greenville....
Northaven friends who sat with her, waiting...always waiting, and waiting..on HandiRides.

And, of course, Willie and Alicia.
Willie, you were such a profoundly good caregiver to Carole in these last months. And I watched with awe as you literally grew taller and more confident in your own decision-making.

Alicia...we love you....you're one of us....you're a Northavener...can I get an "Amen" for that.... Just know that you have church family here too.

-----------------------------------

In August of last year, Carole was Chair of our Staff Parish committee. She summoned me to her home, for what I thought was one of our regular meetings. It turned out not to be.

After praying, and checking in with each other, she dropped a bomb shell. She told me that she didn't know what was wrong with her, but that something was different. Something had changed in her...in her body.
And she told me she was fairly certain that she would die soon.

Therefore, she was telling me that she was going to give up all of her leadership positions. She was going to quite working. She was going to stop everything related to volunteerism.

I have to tell you, I didn't believe her at the time. I thought: "she's overreacting....she looks like she's always looked."

But later, as she began that series of hospitalizations, I learned that she was seventy-two-years-old. I had no idea...I assumed she was a decade younger than this.

To live on a ventilator for sixty-years...
To have to live, everyday, with a key awareness in her own mind what was going on with her body...
It surely was mentally taxing, as well as physically beyond what any of the rest of us know.

You see, I believe that not only did Carole have hyper-empathy for others, I also believe she developed senses beyond what you and I have for understanding what was going on with her...her mind...her spirit....her body....
Looking back, she understood back in August that her time was perhaps short.

We are still in the Easter season.
Carole, by her own admission, was more passionate about social justice than personal salvation. But by the measure of her favorite scripture: Matthew 25, she lived a kind of servanthood that saw the Christ in all those she encountered.

Beyond that, she became Christ to many...as she said...as she allowed the Holy Spirit to sit on her shoulder.

And so, while we are in grief this day, while our lives still feel like an empty tomb, we also rejoice in the word of our faith: that our journey of life is a journey of life into life. Death is not the final word. Resurrection is sure for Carole, and for us.

Resurrection is not only written into the Gospels, but lived out in the fabric of the universe itself. From every corner of the world --from the processes of evolution, to the grasses outside these windows-- comes the message that life comes from life. And in this we give thanks to God.
And we give thanks to God for Carole.

And I invite you to hear again parts of the passage that Bill McElvaney read earlier.

I invite you to hear it, not as if Paul is speaking to us, but as if Carole is.

Imagine Carole Carsey saying this to us today:

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our bodies. For while we live, we are always being given up to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be made visible in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you...we also believe, and so we speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus, and will bring us with you into his presence....So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure..."

Amen.

A Pastoral Case for Christian Gay Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Mon, 13 May 2013 21:05:06 PDT

This week, the Supreme Court takes up two important cases on the issue of same-sex marriage. The cases may, or may not, fundamentally change the legal understanding of marriage in our nation. Whether or not they do, decisions are not expected for months.

And, whether or not they do, make no mistake about it: legal same-sex marriage is coming to the United States of America. All of it. Maybe it will be through the courts. Maybe it will be through the legislative process. (Maybe whatever happens, we will always and forever lament that the other process wasn't used instead…) But it is coming. (1)

As a Christian minister, I consider this to not only be a movement of Civil Rights (it is that) but also a great moving of the God's Holy Spirit through our nation today.

A Pastoral Case for Same-Sex Marriage in United Methodism
In practice, marriage is often (but not always) a hybrid institution. In our minds, it's not only a legal institution, but a religious one as well.(2)

The main point of this blog entry is to pivot. I hope to pivot the conversation away from legal civil same-sex marriage (which, every conservative friend I have concedes is coming…) and toward the concept of same-sex marriage in the Church. For this will, indeed, be the final frontier for same-sex marriage.

As a Christian minister --as someone who serves a church where members yearn to be able to host same-sex weddings-- same-sex marriage in the church cannot come too soon. In fact, many of us argue it's already very, very late.

Because this essay argues for same-sex marriage in the Christian Church (and the United Methodist Church), let me assure you that I know some readers will not at all be helped...

If you are a Christian brother or sister, still struggling to accept the idea that the Bible does not condemn homosexuality or homosexual people in their personhood, this particular blog is not for you.
I will not debate the "clobber" passages of scripture here, nor the specific traditions of specific denominations. However, if you are genuinely seeking understanding along these lines, there are resources that can help you learn why many Christians, unreservedly, embrace LGBT persons in their full humanity. (3)

If you are an LGBT activist or ally who supports civil same-sex marriage for legal reasons alone, if you're an atheist friend of mine(and I should say: I love my atheist friends), or anyone else who finds religion repugnant, irrelevant, or dangerous, this blog may not be for you either.

For everybody else, especially United Methodists, please read on...

The Key Questions Before The Church Are Changing.
For many of us, same-sex marriage is moving from a legal question, or even a moral one, and to a question of Pastoral Care.

It will continue to do so, and with increasing speed in the coming months/years.

When civil same-sex marriage becomes legal, the questions for churches who minister with gay and lesbian persons become:

How can we not provide same-sex marriage as a part of pastoral support to families in our care?
How can we not provide same-sex marriage as a support to families who make a commitment to monogamy and fidelity?
How can we not provide same-sex marriage to committed Christians who, in every other respect to our straight families, are building healthy, strong and stable families for themselves and their children?
How can we not provide same-sex marriage so these families may understand that God loves them, their church loves them, and that we stand with them as we move through life together?

Very soon the questions will pivot for all of us in the Christian Church (and United Methodist Church).

The pivot will be away from the question "How can we do this?" (And the never-ending arguments about tradition, procreation, etc…), and toward "How can we not?"

Frankly, in many states, this is already happening. Over 1,000 United Methodist clergy, most in states where same-sex marriage is now legal, have signed statements, pledging to do same-sex weddings if asked. Other churches have pledged not to do weddings of any kind, until marriage is available all. (By the way, a special shout-out to our friends at Trinity UMC in Austin, who made this decision in response to the United Methodist Church, back in 1996.)

All of this is analogous to civil disobedience over racial inequality. It's saying "our church-law is unjust" and must change.

Pastorally, how can we not?
I get that in your specific church, there may never ever be a same-sex wedding. If your church is generally closed to LGBT folks, or if you never talk about homosexuality at all, don't expect hoards of same-sex couples beating down your doors, demanding to be married there once it's a legal right.

But in our church? In hundred of Methodist churches like us across the nation? When same-sex marriage becomes legal, God's Spirit will increasingly call us toward providing it as pastoral care, as symbol of Christian community, for our people.(4)

We are asking "How can we not do this?"

Let Me Tell You The Stories of Some People In Love, That I Love

Right now, in our United Methodist Church (and in hundreds across the nation), we have same-sex couples who have already legally married in other states. They have licenses that are just as legally binding and valid as the one my wife and I cherish. In other cases, we have gay and lesbian families who are not yet married, but considering it. They are living in monogamous relationships, getting up and working their jobs, raising healthy children.

In this section, and with their permission, I have included the pictures of a few gay and lesbian families at Northaven. In two cases, these pictures were taken the last time Northaven did a "pictorial directory." In one case, it's black and white shot from their wedding in another state a few years back.

Some of these couples have been together twenty or more years. (We have dozens of couples like that). We have several couples that have been together thirty or forty years. In one case, we have a couple who has been together fifty-plus years…literally one of the longest surviving partnerships in our church, gay or straight.

These couples, these families, are teaching me about love. They are teaching me about how to build loving Christian families, even when a state or denomination do not officially recognize their unions.

I have witnessed the love between these couples. I have watched --in awe-- as they create beautiful long-term bonds. I have watched them nurture children and grandchildren. I have been with some of them in the hospital ICU, in the middle of the night, as they held the hand of their gravely ill partner. And I have been back in that same ICU room, when the other partner was sick, and theirs was the hand being held.

I have celebrated the baptisms of their children. I have celebrated the confirmation of those same children. They have shown me proud pictures of their grandchildren. I have listened to the care they are giving to their own elderly mothers and fathers, and the worry they have for them.

I have watched LGBT persons teach Sunday School, lead (not just join) every committee of our church, given generously to our annual budget, and journey to foreign lands with us in mission.

Theologically, How Can We Not?
My point being: In literally every respect, except sexual orientation, these families are completely identical to our straight families.

Therefore, how in God's name can we not offer marriage? Not as legal right, but as a pastoral necessity: to support, challenge, encourage, and journey with, gay and lesbian couples who choose to make that lifelong commitment to each other, their families, and the community at large. They deserve God's blessing in their union. They deserve the support of a loving Christian community around them.

In the United Methodist Church today, it is the only blessing of pastoral ministry that we deny same-sex couples!! Think about that. That is wrong. As times moves on, it will seem more and more wrong to more and more people.

Let me put on an evangelical hat, and ask the question this way: If salvation and sanctification are by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, and not by doing the works of the law (see Galatians 3:2-5), then on what basis does the church judge same-sex persons as being unfit to access any of the means of grace, including the institution of marriage?

If in Christ there is no longer Jew or Greek, Slave or Free, Male and Female (Galatians 3:28), then why is the Church continuing to try and insert "gay or straight" into the scripture as an exclusion?(5)

Remember, Couples Marry Each Other. A Brief Primer on the Theology of Marriage
The final insanity of opposing same-sex marriage is that couples marry each other. All couples do. Let's be, ahem, straight on this. If you're a minister, despite what you tell your family when you go off to do a wedding on a Saturday afternoon ("I'm going to marry Bill and Sue…"), you don't "marry them."

They marry each other in the presence of God and a congregation.

The minister does four important things during a wedding:
a) Asks: does the couple want to marry? (Declaration of Intent)
b) Leads them as they say the vows (to each other…they marry each other)
c) Announces that "Yep, these two folks just got married." (Declaration of the Marriage)
d) Blesses the marriage on behalf of God and the community.

Please note that none of these creates a marriage "ex-nihilo." We are not that powerful. When two people join in marriage, the union is between them and God, not them and us. Not them and the church either. They don't marry the church. They don't marry the minister. They marry each other, "in the presence of God and these witnesses."

In United Methodist tradition, when we "preside" over a wedding, it's like what we say about Baptism: an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace. Something between them and God.

So, as Gamaliel once asked the High Council, I must ask all of us United Methodist clergy:
Who are we to stand in the way of love?
Who are we to stand in the way of "two people, whom God has joined together?"

While we can technically prevent ceremonies from happening in our sanctuaries, while we can tell our clergy they cannot "preside" over such ceremonies, we cannot stop a movement of God and God's Spirit working in the hearts of two loving people.

We believe otherwise at our peril, not theirs.

Marriage, As "Conservative" Challenge to Us All
Marriage is inherently a conservative social institution. It "conserves" a couple's financial, emotional, social and spiritual resources. When loving, it provides stability to children like almost no other social institution does.

That's why I've always been shocked that conservatives (economic, especially) are often against same-sex marriage. It's a conservative, not liberal, institution!!

It promotes fidelity, monogamy, stability. And to those who claim that LGBT persons are simply not capable of such things, think of the "Catch-22" have presently, where we fail to provide the social institutions (marriage) that make straight families last, while also criticizing LGBT people for "excessive promiscuity." LGBT persons are no more or less promiscuous, no more or less capable of monogamy, than straights are.(6) But straights have marriage, and its challenging message, to help them along the way.

One of the most beautiful paragraphs I've read on marriage has come from Ted Olson and David Bois; the very lawyers who presented the case for same-sex marriage yesterday.

Much as I am doing with respect to the United Methodist Church in this essay, these two did with respect to conservative politics, in a fine essay arguing for same-sex from a conservative point of view. ("The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage") Read it here.:

"Marriage is one of the basic building blocks of our neighborhoods and our nation. At its best, it is a stable bond between two individuals who work to create a loving household and a social and economic partnership. We encourage couples to marry because the commitments they make to one another provide benefits not only to themselves but also to their families and communities. Marriage requires thinking beyond one's own needs. It transforms two individuals into a union based on shared aspirations, and in doing so establishes a formal investment in the well-being of society. The fact that individuals who happen to be gay want to share in this vital social institution is evidence that conservative ideals enjoy widespread acceptance. Conservatives should celebrate this, rather than lament it."

Yes! Exactly!
We should apply that equal standard to all our church families. The Christian Church is a part of what helps many people's marriages work.

Marriage is Difficult. So, Do All the Good You Can, and Do No Harm.
These are two of the oldest "rules" in our United Methodist tradition. We should apply them to same-sex marriage. Increasingly, it's a "good" we should embrace. Withholding it is a "harm" we should avoid. There is absolutely no "harm" to traditionally married couples by supporting same-sex marriage.

At Northaven, because sometimes neither the state nor the church has recognized the unions of some of our same-sex couples (and yet, they have existed for decades) I consider their continued existence to be a miracle of God.

Yes, I mean that literally. A miracle of God.

You see, as everyone knows, marriage is incredibly difficult. Straight marriages end. (Fifty percent of them do) Even when there is careful pastoral care before a wedding, extended family support throughout, and a caring church family at every turn, marriages end.

Therefore, please extrapolate what a miracle of God's Spirit it truly is when these couples have mentioned today have made it twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years often without some of these key areas of support!!

One of the most compelling lines of testimony in yesterday's same-sex marriage case, came from Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy. The anti-same-sex marriage forces were arguing about the "harm" it might bring to traditional marriage. Justice Kennedy responded with the following line:

“There are some 40,000 children in California” with same-sex parents and “they want their parents to have full recognition and full status. The voice of those children is important in this case, don’t you think?”

As I was listening to the testimony, I shouted "Amen!" Because it's exactly how I feel about these issues and the Church.

The voices of our same-sex church families are important. The voices of their children are important. In our church, these children are an important part of our youth group. They are smart, healthy, well-adjusted, and creative kids who love their families and love their church.

They deserve the institution of marriage in the church --symbolizing the love and support of God, and the institutional church-- just as much as they deserve the legal right of civil marriage.

Increasingly, as Justice Kennedy suggests may be the case with civil marriage, withholding religious gay marriage will be a violation of "do no harm" to families within the Church's care.

Therefore, it will be a violation of one of John Wesley's most cherished rules.

In many of our churches, these same-sex families are a part of our "mission field." They are the families God's Holy Spirit has brought in our doors, and we are attempting to be the Church together.

As such, in our congregation gay and straight worship, pray, serve, and belong together. Our straight couples (literally every straight couple with young children) have also been drawn to Northaven because of this openness. We are attracting new "straight" couples who want this still relatively new and "blended church" …who expect to raise their families alongside same-sex ones.

They Ask For Your Blessing
The Church, and the United Methodist denomination, has always been one of the institutions that form the safety-net of support for married couple and make marriage possible. Otherwise, as we've just been saying, it's often quite challenging.

It should not fail to do so in our present day.

In our United Methodist Hymnal, as a part of each wedding ceremony, the congregation makes a vow too. Here's how it appears:

"The Minister: The marriage of (Name and Name) unites their families and creates a new one. They ask for your blessing…Will all of you, by God's grace, do everything in your power to uphold and care for these two persons in their marriage?
The People: We will."

Christian Marriage exists to provide this kind of support to couples.
Same sex couples need, and deserve it, just as much as straight ones do.

And, increasingly, the question will not be "How can we do this?
But, "How can we not?"

In answering this question, I have every faith that one day United Methodist Churches across the land will proclaim, as we do in the Hymnal service:

"We will!"

Notes:
(1) If you don't believe same-sex marriage is coming, once again, I invite you to believe Nate Silver. Silver, the Jedi Master of modern political statistics, has projected out the support for same-sex marriage over time in our nation. It's coming even to the reddest of red states. (And, as Silver points out, what we are seeing now is just the leading edge. There is an "approval tsunami" coming among the young. Get ready.)

(2) One of the main points I make about marriage, when the subject arises, is that it's actually misunderstood by almost everybody. In our nation, "for better or worse" the Civil and Religious sides of marriage have been hopelessly linked together, to the point that ordained minsters sign civil marriage licenses, acting in that moment to authorize a legal state document. Other nations, especially Europe, have long separated the civil and religious, allowing their citizens to analyze both individually, from the respective fields of law and theology.

(3) If you would like resources to better understand the Bible, and why many Christians no longer believe it's credible to slam LGBT folks with the Bible, if you are genuinely seeking to learn more, Northaven Church has produced a great study on the topic, called "This I Know."
You can find it here.

(4) I am sure, you have already gathered that this essay assumes there is no chance of the United Methodist Church changing on marriage "first," i.e., before civil marriage becomes law. Christ's organized Church, as I have said many times, is "chicken."
We have lost our moral voice to lead on great social issues of the day.
However, these issues will not go away from us once civil marriage is legal. That's the whole point of this essay: Eventually, playing "ostrich" won't do.

(5) My thanks to Dr. Greg Neal for almost all of these last two paragraphs.

(6) And if you think Gay Pride parades stand as counter-evidence, I will "see" your Gay Pride Parade (in any American city you name) and "raise you" a Mardi Gras in New Orleans or St. Patrick's Day Parade.

Picture for picture, trust me: the sexual libertinism of straight culture far supersedes gay culture in number and reach. And if these parts of gay culture offend you, then why aren't you advocating for monogamous marriage for all?!!

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United Methodism is not a Global Church

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Fri, 10 May 2013 12:00:14 PDT

Watching the election of the Pope Francis last week, I couldn't help but notice how impressive it was to see a true "global church" in action. However, it also reminded me of a truth about our beloved United Methodist Church…

We say we are a "global church," but we are not. We are pretending to be a "global church."

Yes, we have members all over the globe. But the election of the Pope reminds us that having members around the globe does not make you, functionally, a "global church." It just means you have members all around the globe. A truly global church is a church that is able to function, to make decisions, when it needs to.

During our last General Conference, the United Methodist Church proved beyond all shadow of doubt that we are dysfunctional in terms of our systems. No legislation of consequence was passed. Several items that did pass were later overturned by the Judicial Council.

By all accounts, everybody from every corner of our denomination --liberal, conservative, moderate, American, International-- went away feeling that after three weeks of meetings, anything resembling real change was effectively blocked by gridlock of one kind or another.

By contrast, the work of the College of Cardinals was stunningly efficient. They came together, in great pomp and circumstance. They took to their task with utter seriousness, and with an attitude of prayer. They spent a couple of days, praying, deliberating, voting. When they were done, they were done. The white smoke rose, and Pope Francis was announced to the world.

I am not, of course, suggesting that Catholic theology and practice are superior to my beloved United Methodist tradition. With respect to the role of women, a place for gay and lesbian persons, true structural equality between lay and clergy in matters of decision-making, the UMC is light years ahead of the Roman Catholic faith.

What I am saying is that the contrast between these religious events (General Conference and the election of the Pope) from two communion's who claim the mantel of "global church" could not have been more stark.

We are not a global church, no matter how many times we say the words "we are a global church."

We are an American Church pretending to be a global church. We have been an American Church for more than 200 years. Up until four years ago, the vast majority of our delegates to General Conference were American.

But, the rapid shift in the way delegates have been apportioned (a questionable shift that I'll address in a moment) has meant that this still American Church is now suddenly pretending that it's, "presto-chango," global.

We're like Dorothy in Oz, clicking our heels together three times…
"We're a Global Church…"
"We're a Global Church…"
"We're a Global Church…"

…then pretending it's so.

It's not. We can click our heels and say the words as often as we want, but it won't make it so.

Here are three specific examples of how it is not so….

…American United Methodists financially support much of the "worldwide church," and without this financial support, the world-wide church, as we imagine it today, would be financially unsustainable.
…American United Methodists understand the legislative processes of General Conference because it's in our DNA, blood and cultural being as Americans.
…American United Methodists covenant together to a standard of record-keeping with respect to church membership and financial data. This rigorous standard, from what we can discern, does not exist in places such as Africa.

Let me say a bit more about all these.

As to the first point, if we were true global partners, if international and American delegates were truly equal at General Conference, then we would also be global partners in all matters, including finances too. But, in 2011, the American Church paid 99 percent of all bills for the global United Methodist Church. This is hardly a system of equal partners. Anything less than absolute financial cost-sharing simply continues paternalism (true paternalism, really), and the myth of a "global church."

As to the second, whether the issue is basic language translation on the floor of General Conference, or in committees, it's clear the delegates did not understand even the words being spoken at General Conference(1), much less the legislative processes at work. General Conference is an intensely democratic legislative system, reflecting the American system of government. American delegates are used to such systems not only in their church, but in their local governments, their PTASs, and the hundreds of other voluntary and civic organizations that make our nation great.
Such "ease" with these kinds, gained over generations, does not transfer to all international delegates, there democratic systems have not been the rule.
(BTW, the American government continues to find this also true, as we attempt to "spread democracy" to nations who have never had it before...)

As to the third, "record-keeping" point, I continue to ask questions that continue to go unanswered about the international church, and financial/membership accountability.

I have no doubt that the African church is growing at some level. But at what actual rate? Is there any kind of "paper trail" of "drops and adds" to membership roles that's in any way similar to what we are required to keep here in America?

Just last week, another very smart person I know in the national UMC confirmed that he has been asking the same questions, and nobody seems to be able to provide firm answers to him either. This is deeply troubling to me, because it calls into question the fundamental structure of General Conference itself.

How can we apportion delegates to the General Conference without "apples/to/apples" membership record-keeping?!!!This raises serious questions about the legitimacy of our General Conferences processes at fundamental levels.

There are ways forward for the United Methodist Church. There are choices we could make that could allow for an external unity, and perhaps allow us to rightly claim, for the first time, the title "global church."

The best of these would be regionalism. This idea would grant a regional authority to different parts of the world (America, Europe, Africa, Asia, for example) and allow the United Methodist Church in each part of the world to develop distinctive mission and witness appropriate to their cultural context.

This is what we all say we want for our church. This is how Wesley saw the church…as responding to the "mission field." But with our broken and dysfunctional current systems, it's not how we're acting.

We should unleash the church in Africa to be the church in Africa. We should unleash the church in America to be the church in America. And then, trust that Holy Spirit would work in all areas to bring about the church that God needs in each place.

Like the Jerusalem Conference of Acts, we should admit that different cultural situations call for different social witness. In America, this would almost certainly mean a more welcoming embrace of LGBT persons.
(Most observers believe that if American delegates alone were voting on these issues, our polity would definitely change in a more favorable direction toward the full inclusion of LGBT persons…)

And, lest anybody suggest that I am only bringing this up because the African/International vote "blocks" more progressive legislation currently…Yes, that's absolutely a part of my concern. I'd be disingenuous to claim otherwise.

But, the deeper truth is that regionalism is the way we have always maintained our external unity. Always.

Lest we forget, there are five jurisdictions in the United States. When you learn basic Methodist history, you learn how a part of why these jurisdictions were created to prevent "northern bishops" form serving southern churches, and vice versa. There never was a "unified" United Methodist Church without this regionalism(2). In fact, the five current jurisdictions largely exist for this reason, and this reason alone.

In other words: Methodists of previous generations understood that it was regionalism that would hold the key to maintaining a "unified" United Methodist Church.

Maybe it's time to try that again, but on a global scale?

Regionalism wouldn't solve everything overnight. But it would most definitely take the pressure off the continuing dysfunction of General Conference by relieving it of having to make "global" decisions on each and every issue, when cultural situations so often dictate different decisions in different locations.

Unlike our previous regionalism, some of which was explicitly racist, this regionalism would stake out different geographies altogether. What made the old "American Central Conference" racist was that it was two systems in one geography. (ie, "separate, but equal")

This model would not create that at all. It would create equal partners, called to the mission field in their culturally specific parts of the world, dedicated to witnessing a continued respect and love for each other as the "United Methodist Church."

And perhaps that would allow General Conference to get back to the core mission of "Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world." That would be nice.

Unlike Catholicism, diversity is a core value of United Methodist faith. Wesley's sermon "On Catholic Spirit" (3) reminds us that God calls us to spiritual unity, within theological diversity. That's very different from the Catholic faith, where they are called to unity in both spirit and practice under the leadership of a sole individual.

If we really embraced and celebrated international regionalism -- and learned to adopt new procedures that allowed for it everywhere-- perhaps for the first time we United Methodists could rightly claim to be a "Global Church," and one truly faithful to our own traditions.

(1) What I mean by this is nobody understanding each other…not simply international delegates not understanding the English. But, English speakers also confused.
(2) At least not in the last century...and in the century before that, it was also divided over slavery
(3) As one of his sermons, it's considered "doctrine" for United Methodists

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Near as Breath, Yet Untouchable: Reflections on Fogelberg Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 21:17:01 PST

"Sometimes in the night I feel it,
Near as my next breath and yet untouchable.
Silently, the past comes stealing,
Like the taste of some forbidden sweet."
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

A week ago right now, we were rehearsing for that night's Dan Fogelberg Tribute Show. It feels like just yesterday. It's taken me a week to come down from the high enough to clearly write my thoughts. (That, and the fact that's it's been a busy week in the real world too…)

As I noted from the stage last Saturday night, you could argue that all sorts of incredible things started with the Dan Fogelberg song, "Old Tennessee."

It was on a night many years ago, as I played that song for the first time with Rusty King, that something dawned on me.

We were at a clergy retreat, and I had never met Rusty. I knew we were both Methodist ministers. He, Paul Escamilla, and John Fleming brought their guitars up to my room to play music, while other friends just played games and talked the night away.

We started out playing songs we all knew, but that quickly drifted into Dan-songs. Then, into obscure Dan songs. Songs you'd only know if you had a copy of this. One of those songs was "Old Tennessee," and Rusty not only played it note-for-note, he also matched the harmonies.

And I thought, "Who is this guy? He knows as many Dan songs as I do."

That night of "Old Tennessee"-like songs, eventually led to a crazy "what if" from Rusty:

"What if we did a Fogelberg "tribute show" to raise money for mission?"

I thought it was a crazy idea. Who would come?
But Dan was my favorite singer songwriter of all-time. Do you think I was gonna turn down the chance to sing his music, backed by a 20-piece band?
Not a chance.

So we did the show. And what I assumed was pure self-indulgence on my part became two hundred and fifty people who belted-out the closing chorus of "Gambler" at the top of their lungs, and donated over $2,500 dollars to missions.

After a few days to allow the adrenaline to work itself out, we said, "Hey. Maybe we're on to something…"

What we were "on" to was Connections. The clergy members who founded Connections(1) were soon meeting to dream of a future, and asking…

"What if we kept the band going, did 70s Shows, and raised money for mission?"

That question, and the ability to dream increasingly larger "what ifs," has kept this wild and crazy band going now for seven years now. We've played over 40 shows for tens of thousand of people and we've raised $240,000 for some really fine causes.

"Down the ancient corridors,
And through the gates of time,
Run the ghosts of days that we left behind."
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

We weren't the only folks dreaming "what ifs." Over in Peoria, Illinois, the family and friends of Dan Fogelberg were asking...

"What if we create a memorial to honor Dan, and invite fans/musicians from around the nation to come for the dedication?"

There'd never been a public memorial service after Dan's death. And as time passed, it seemed more and more like something needed to be done to publicly honor him. So, a group that has now morphed into the Fogelberg Foundation of Peoria was formed. Some really fine folks like Hugh Higgins, Eric Mills and Deb Jelinek worked to create a powerful weekend, where a memorial would be dedicated, and "DanFans" and musicians from around the nation could come and participate.

Deb asked me if we could come. Rusty, Mike Sheehan and me were all a part of that initial year. It was incredible. We played for 300 passionate DanFans from around the nation, for his Mom, wife, and family. It was electric.

So our little tribute band had led to being part of the very first "Fogelberg Weekend," and new "connection" with souls around the country who keep the "legacy" alive.

Time passed. We kept doing shows. Mostly non-Dan shows, truthfully. (I think we've done the Fogelberg show five times?) Rusty got a new job in Allen, where he not only works for the church, but also with the Allen Symphony Chorus.

Ever the dreamer, Rusty asked his craziest question yet…

"What if we did a Fogelberg show, with a twenty-five piece orchestra, the Allen Symphony Chorus, and our band? And what if we invited DanFans around the country and had a "Welcome Party" like Peoria?"

The result of that craziest "what if" yet was last Saturday night at the Allen Performing Arts Center.

I added my one of my own "what ifs," when I learned that he just lived down the road in Lago Vista…

"What if we invited Glen Spreen (Seven-time Gold/Platinum Record recipient for his work with Dan. Orchestra composer on almost all his most-known work) to come direct our orchestra?"

And so, the Fogelberg Weekend in Allen came together.

Days after our very first Dan Fogelberg Show in March of 2006, I wrote a blog called "A Magical Night."

So, what do we call last Saturday?

Ridiculous?
Awesome?
Beyond words?

What do you call a Tribute Show to Dan Fogelberg with Connections, a 25-piece orchestra, a 50-voice chorus, a thousand people listening, DanFam and musicians from around the nation, AND Glen Spreen?

"All of the above?"

We're still pinching ourselves.

Here's a pretty fine video of Nether Lands from the show. The balance may seem a bit off in parts...but all-in-all, it's wonderful...

On behalf of our little band, let me offer some "Thank Yous" we said that night and elsewhere, but that we cannot repeat enough...

First, thanks to Connections and our core members.
When Rusty pitched the Fogelberg Weekend, I think that even many bandmembers didn't realize just how cool the whole thing would be. So, thanks to Connections, and its core members, for being willing to to continue to dream these big "what ifs."

Thanks to the DanFam members who spent their own money/time to drive/fly to Dallas to be with us.
It meant a great deal to have you here, and we're really pleased you got to be a part of it all and see what we do. The "connections" are now even stronger! Special thanks to Diane Panasci, who helped host a whompin' load 'of these folks.

Thanks to the Tribute Musicians from around the nation.
Thanks to Donnie Mills, Jay Hennesey, Steve Rodman, Bob Ritter and Mary Bomar, Tim Pastor, and Lee Giardina-Foran. Thanks for spending your own money and time to fly/drive here, and share your talents with all the folks in Dallas. It meant a lot, especially to me, Rusty, and Mike to have you with us.

Thanks to our own members, Mike Sheehan and Paul Simonson for doing yeoman's work all through the Friday night show and the Saturday one. Jesse Plymale sat in on keyboards during all of the Tribute Show too.

Special thanks to Sheldon Felich.
Sheldon organized Friday's show, and brought all the tribute artists together, played with us Saturday, and behind the scenes has done so much to continue the work of keeping Dan's musical legacy alive, including our show. Y'all should check out his great tribute band too.

Here is Sheldon and our own Wendy Curran, doing "Only The Heart May Know"

Thanks to Deb Jelinek for all her continued support.
Thanks for singing with us, and for being a part of the Fogelberg Foundation of Peoria. Thanks, from afar, to good folks like Hugh and Eric Mills. We love you guys.

Thanks to the Allen Symphony Chorus and members of the Allen Philharmonic Orchestra for also being a part of this big dream.
Thanks especially to all the behind-the-scenes work of Kathy Litinas, and other chorus members who worked hard to staff the Welcome Party.
Thanks to Caryn Fecht who directed the chorus during the show.
After the show, more than one chorus member said to me, "We should do this again."
(That's how the big-crazy "what ifs" start!)

Thanks to Glen Spreen.

You can't imagine what a thrill it was for you to be with us, and to have you conduct our orchestra. You are a kind and wonderful spirit, and we're so pleased you seemed to enjoy the night as much as we did. We're pleased the crowd gave you that well-deserved standing-O.

Thanks to James Miller, who wrote a whole ton of charts for this show.
It was all wonderful, and the music wouldn't have been there without your work.

Thanks to First United Methodist Church of Allen.
They deserve copious and overflowing thanks. FUMC Allen put thousands of dollars into this production. They contributed the resources of several of staff members. They did publicity, provided dozens of volunteers for meals, set-up, refreshments, and many other behind the scenes tasks. All of you deserve much of the credit for this success.
Thanks to our friend, Todd Harris, and to bandmates Brian McPherson, Rusty, and all the rest of the staff there.

Thanks to Rusty.
Keep throwing out those crazy, "what ifs" my friend.

Finally, all thanks to God.
Thanks to God for allowing us to continue this incredible work. With this show, we raised $12,000 for United Methodist Committee on Relief, and work they are doing to alleviate the suffering of Hurricane Sandy. We're grateful that God keeps opening these doors for our band. We'll try to keep walking through.

And thanks to Dan.
Thanks to Jean Fogelberg for being a gracious human being. We miss Dan a lot. Those of us who are "DanFans" miss him in a way that tugs at the gut.

Those of us who are privileged to play his music --across the nation, as solo acts or in large bands-- we find ourselves with the feeling that we've been given a "legacy" to maintain. It's a calling to make sure that others keep hearing the incredible music of this incredible artist and soul.

In fact, probably 90 percent of the audience Saturday night hadn't heard a lot of this music. Most came knowing just "the hits."

I'm so warmed by messages I got --one while we were still tearing down just after the show-- from audience members who've said, "I just downloaded some of the songs I'd never heard." They were downloading Dan's music to their phone on the way home from the show!

That makes me smile. I'd hope it would make Dan smile too.

"Death is there to keep us honest,
And constantly remind us we are free."
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

I know I speak for me, and probably for everybody else on stage during Saturday's show, but we knew in the moment that it was a one-of-a-kind night.

Many of you have mentioned our version of "Ghosts" last Saturday. Some have said it was a highlight of the show. (btw, it's one of the songs folks have told me they've now downloaded for the first time!!!)

When Rusty first pitched the idea of a show with orchestra/chorus, I told him I only had two real "musts":
a) We have to do "Ghosts;" and
b) I want to sing it.

Here's a video. It's never gonna capture the moment as it was, but it gives you an idea...

I used to listen to "The Innocent Age" on my record player while falling asleep my senior year in high school. I'd been a DanFan for several years(2), but that seminal record came out during that seminal year of my life. Many times, I'd put on "Side Four," and allow myself to drift off to "Ghosts." So, it's always been a personal favorite. (In fact, I just noticed that I cited it in a previous blog, written just after Dan's death...)

Without drifting too far away from the general point of this blog, let me opine that "The Innocent Age" was perhaps the last record of its kind.

Very few records would ever again be "double albums." Very few records by singer-songwriters would ever again have that impressive a combination of chart-topping hits and richly artistic numbers.

In fact, I have made the case before that Dan Fogelberg was the last of the great chart-topping "singer-songwriters," and that unbeknownst to all of us at the time, "The Innocent Age," was the last great popular "singer-songwriter" album. Ever. (3)

"Ghosts" is an amazing song. The past, the present, the future, all morph into one in that song. And, I'd like to believe, all three came together on that stage, in that moment, last Saturday.

The morning of the show, I hurriedly penned a two-page journal entry. Knowing that nerves might well be a problem that night, I prayed: "Let me just be in the moment…"

During the whole show, but especially during "Ghosts," I really felt like that happened. Like we were all aware of just how special this was, and what an honor for each of us to play our parts.

It felt like we left it all on the stage.

For me? In that moment, I recalled all those nights, listening this song in the dark of my high school room. I thought of all the beautiful souls who love Dan's music, gathered into that hall for one evening.

I even imagined Dan himself, having stepped into life beyond life, singing back to us: "Death is there to keep us honest, and constantly remind us we are free."

Now and then, past, present, future all do come together in one Kairos moment.

For all of you who were a part of this special weekend….
Thank you….thank you….thank you.

(BTW...check back, as I will add video clips to this blog as I can work them in....EF)

Notes:
(1)Rusty King, Me, Frank Rahm, Paul Escamilla, John Fleming, Ann Willett

(2) First, through the "FM" soundtrack, and "Gambler." That led to buying "Souvenirs," to hear the original context. Then, I went back to "Home Free" and worked my way forward in time.

(3) This is not to say that Dan did not have success after this. He did. Nor is it to say that others have not had it since. They have. But in the early 1980s, pop music was just about to change drastically. The era of the singer-songwriter dominating the airwaves of pop radio…which you can trace all the way back to folks like Dylan, and then through folks like James Taylor, Carole King, Cat Stevens, Harry Chapin, Jackson Browne, Stephen Bishop…even bands like Eagles…that era was drawing to a close.

Dan, being among the youngest of this generation, produced IMHO, the last, great opus of that era: "The Innocent Age."

Again, all these artists continue to produce excellent work to this day. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, the combination of their artisanship being rewarded with hits on the pop charts…that era was drawing to a close. Dan, I have argued many times, was the last of the great American singer-songwriters on pop radio, and "The Innocent Age" was the last great singer-songwriter record. It's a tour-de-force, and a fitting end to that era. He didn't intend for it to be this, but with 20-20 hindsight, we can say this now.

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First Baptist Gets Tebowed

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 07:38:44 PST

If you want to understand just how much the tectonic plates are shifting in America, pay close attention to the situation with Tim Tebow and First Baptist Church, Dallas. 

Thank you, Tim, for quietly and firmly doing the right thing. 

Mark these words of prophecy: despite FBC's impressive new building they will continue to see their religious and cultural influence wane.

Increasingly tolerant views toward the LGBT community --even from evangelical Christians like Tebow-- are what we will see more of in the future.

Increasingly, evangelical Christians will embrace tolerance of, and support for, the LGBT community. Increasingly, they will not believe that support for the LGBT community creates an inherent incompatibility with their Christian faith.

For us United Methodists: this is precisely what Adam Hamilton has been trying to tell you. (He's really preaching to all of American on this...)

These tectonic plates are shifting quickly. And it's likely that once things chance dramatically, the anti-LGBT folks will be looking around, feeling like they just got Tebowed in the fourth quarter. But, in fact, this is a slow, steady movement of the Spirit of God that has been coming for decades.

Hamilton's saying it. Tebow's living it.

And this is what we thousands of Reconciling Methodists have been trying to tell you too. For years.  

We don't really care who you listen to.

We just hope you're paying attention.

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Tell Us What You Thought of the Show/Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 06:02:54 PST

It's late at night, after the Fogelberg Tribute Show in Allen tonight.
I'm still exploding with adrenaline and love for how it came out...

1,000 of you came.
We raised over $12,000 for the relief of Hurricane Sandy.
80 musicians did our best to honor the musical legacy of Dan Fogelberg.

Here's what I'd like you to do:

If you were there, tonight, or last night, please leave a comment HERE at the end of this blog.

Yes, some of you have probably already commented over on Facebook. But those comments sort of vanish away forever. And we'd like to be able to keep your thought in a file for future savoring.

So...

What did you like?
What will you remember?
What feedback for any of us band, orchestra, chorus folks do you have?
Would you change anything?

Thanks in advance for leaving your thoughts here.

(Note: comments are "approved" on the blog. That can take hours, really. So, if they don't show up right away, patience. The next time I'll sign on, I'll get to them....EF)

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Fogelberg Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 06:03:48 PST

Hope to see many friend at the Fogelberg Weekend, this weekend in Allen!

Here a video we made about it too:

I Love You With All My Intestines

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 06:30:26 PST

I opened my Valentine's Day card from The Judge a while ago. The cover had the generic Hallmark-like greeting.

But, inside, in her own hand, she wrote this: "I love you with all my intestines."

Now, thinking of that literally might make you wretch a bit, or wonder about the two of us. But me? It made me smile.

See, earlier this week, I was preparing to lead the Second Monday Series. This year, the series is focusing on Compassion. So, I've been doing some study on the Biblical words for compassion.

What I found is that, like many other ancient cultures, Greek and Bible culture located love and compassion in the gut, not the heart.

And there's a specific word I learned this week that I absolutely....um..."love." It's a word used for compassion in the Bible:

“Splagchnizomai”

Pronounced: “Splagh-Neats-Oh-My-ee”

Say that three-times fast.

“Splagchnizomai” denotes a kind of deep-level love and compassion that far outstrips romantic love.

“Splagchnizomai” means something like: To be moved, as in the bowels, hence to be moved with compassion, to moved with compassion, to feel compassion. It denotes a deep seated “feeling” and “emotion,” a visceral reaction of love, compassion and empathy.

We like to say that we "have a gut feeling" about something. Turns out, many ancient cultures agreed. The Greeks believe our emotions literally lived in our gut, and were not just created in them. Ancient Vedic and Chinese culture (and many others) also locate love and other emotions not in the heart, but in the gut. Civilization as far back as you can look locate "emotion" and "love" what we'd call "the core," or the "gut."

And even though we've lost some of this, we still understand how our emotions can be connected to our gut. Unacknowledged emotion can literally make us sick. That feeling of butterflies, that excitement of the stomach leaping and turning, can signify the most wonderful moment of our lives.

When our emotions get the best of us, when stress, worry, and anxiety are all we feel, it's stomach-churning. When we are filled with love, if our gut feels love and compassion, often the entire rest of our body and spirit feels centered and safe too.

The Bible locates love/compassion in the gut, at some crutcial moments, and in some of the most famous stories you know.

For example, in the "feeding stories" of Jesus, when he feeds the "five thousand" (or the four).

Jesus is trying to get away for some desperately needed prayer time. But when he arrives at his destination, he finds thousands of people ---a smelly, dirty, hungry, needy, hoard of humanity who have hunted him down like paparazzi hunting Brad and Angie. Only they don't just want a picture. They want a piece of him.

But instead of reacting in anger or petulance, the Bible says this:

“As he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he felt compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and he began to teach them many things.”

This same word, “Splagchnizomai,” appears in every Gospel version of the feeding stories.

Jesus has compassion on them. This faceless teaming hoard of humanity. Not anger, bitterness, or resentment. Compassion and love. For a teaming hoard he didn't even know.

Another place the word occurs is in the story of "The Good Samaritan." That story --which should convict the heart of every minister/clergy in any denomination-- casts the professionally religious as uncaring and fearful of the truly injured and sick.

Instead, it's a Samaritan --reviled as inbred infidels by the "religiously pure" of Jesus' day-- who plays the role of the good guy. When the professionally religious walk right past the injured man, it's the hated Samaritan who stops and renders aid:

“But a Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; and when he saw him, he felt compassion, and came to him and bandaged up his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them; and he put him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn and took care of him.”

In this, Jesus says, the Samaritan is the one who understood what it means to "love your neighbor." Loving your neighbor means loving-compassion for your enemy; not saccharine, romantic love.

Finally, the word “Splagchnizomai” appears in the story of the Prodigal Son. That ungrateful slob who turns his back on his father and asks to be considered dead to his family. When he finally comes to his "right mind," and goes home to see if there's any place at all for him there, the Bible says this:

“So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him.”

It's widely believed that the Father in this story is something of a stand-in for God. If so, and taken with all the examples listed here, you get a powerful overall message about God.

God has this same kind of deep-level compassion and love for the world...

...For teaming, smelly, hoards of humanity.
...For idiots who travel down bandit-filled roads by themselves.
...For ungrateful sons who act like bastards to their families.

That's how deep God's compassion and love runs.

Sure, there certainly are scriptures that talk about loving God, self, neighbor "with all your heart." But, "heart" is considered the center of life itself. The heart, the Bible indicates, gives life to all the body.

Biblically, then...

Heart = Center of our life.
Gut= Center of our love.

On this special day of chocolates and roses, we throw down the phrase "I love you with all my heart," with wild abandon. Frankly, we throw it down a lot of other times too.

But far too often, the heart-love of this day, or of the world in general, feels like it's a mile wide and an inch deep. It's schmaltzy, romantic love, forgotten the moment the rose wilts and the chocolate wrappers are in the trash.

But there's a deeper love. A love you feel in your gut. A love that moves you to your gut. Maybe it starts with how you feel about your children and your individual family. Maybe this is the place we notice it most. We think of them and our gut literally moves. The butterflies flutter.
Here's a song I wrote about that.

True faith is a bedrock trust in a love that rests in the gut, not just some intellectual propositions in our head.

It's knowing that you are loved by God, like a father loves an errant son.
It's knowing we're called to love teaming masses of people we may deeply resent. Again, not with platitudes and wooden handshakes...but with bedrock gut-love. Exactly as we love our families.

We're called to love Democrats and Republicans.
Gays and Lesbians, and those who hate them.
Immigrants, and those who would deport them.
Our own families, and the families of folks we resent-the-hell out of.
That's the love and compassion God calls us to.

So, while I've never yet seen the Valentine's Day card with this greeting, I'd love to. I'd pay good money for one.

Because the card God wishes we'd send each other every day is:

"I love you with all my intestines."

That's the love that can save our world.

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Ash Wednesday with Ryan Woods

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 12:36:34 PST

Tonight at Northaven, I'll be inviting our folks to watch this short, but powerful, video from Ryan Woods. Ryan died of his cancer last Fall, but his openness about his dying stands as a challenge to all of us to live the time we have left.

As he says in the video...

"We're all in the process of dying.

So the question is: What kind of story are we going to live out as we're dying?

I would just invite people to live out a beautiful story...to live out their lives, make beautiful music, regardless of what kind of brokenness they have to deal with.

And on our journey toward death, which is inevitable, we have the opportunity to let a beautiful story be told. And it's up to us to allow that story to become something beautiful."

-- Ryan Woods

Time is short. For all of us. We are dust, and to dust we shall return. Ash Wednesday is the day each year where we stand and look death straight in the face, without flinching, and ask ourselves the very question Ryan asks in this video:

What kind of story are we going to live out as we're dying?

The season of Lent then beckons to us. It beckons to us to "turn in a new way," to make the choice to live into our lives to the fullest, loving God, loving ourselves and loving our neighbor with new and renewed passion.

Hope to see you tonight at Northaven.
And if we don't, may your Lenten journey help you turn back toward life, and back toward God.

My Introduction of Bill McElvaney

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:28:03 PST

The following is the gist of my introduction of Dr. William K. McElvaney, as he received the "Distinguished Alumnus Award" tonight from Perkins School of Theology. It includes some biographical info that I omitted, since it was also in the printed program, but that makes sense to include here. I am deeply honored that Bill invited me to present him tonight, and hope you enjoy it.

I have known William K McElvaney now for many year...as a student of his at Perkins, as a mentor of mine in my early ministry, and finally in his role as Emeritus Pastor of the church I serve, the church he once served: Northaven United Methodist.

So I am deeply honored to introduce him tonight.

With all apologies to the entire rest of the outstanding Perkins faculty, the thing I have always said about Bill is that he was my favorite professor. That's absolutely true. I'm well beyond needing to score points with him.

It was not just Bill's teaching that inspired me. It was his life. His witness. His ministry. His personhood. It gave me: HOPE.

And so, the hope Bill gave me was in something very specific: That you could be a white boy from North Dallas and still turn out OK.

You see, as a Perkins student --drinking up the various theologies of liberation floating around in the mid-to-late 80s-- it was not at all clear that this was possible. ( ie, to be a white boy from North Dallas and turn out OK)

But here's what Bill taught me: that you could be a son of great privilege and yet make the personal choice to be justice-centered, inclusive, welcoming of all races, genders, sexual orientations, and economic circumstances.

Bill's life seem to be a constant answer to the question not "Where are you from?" but "Where are you going? How will you stand for, stand with, those who did not have the chances and opportunities you did? How you will give voice to those who have none? How will honor your past, but not be bound by it? How will you speak a word of hope to the people who are like you, but also the people who are very different from you? How will you love all God's people?"

One way of seeing Bill's remarkable 50-year career is that he has constantly been answering these questions, again and again and again.

Bill's story starts here: in this great church in our connection (Highland Park UMC in Dallas). His family had deep ties to Dallas, and to Highland Park. His father was one of Dallas' great civic leaders in his generation. During my Perkins days, I was also an undergraduate Hall Director, and used to take my meals across the street at the cafeteria in McElvaney Hall. Every day, I walked past the painting of Bill's father which hangs in that Hall....you can clearly make out the family resemblance.

And so, every day, I was reminded of Bill's amazing journey. Because Bill started down that same path as his father...earning a business degree and an MBA. But three years into a business career, God tugged on his heart, and he was called into ministry.

He graduated Perkins, did postgraduate work in at Union (in New York City), and served the church.  Bill was founding pastor at St. Stephen Methodist Church in Mesquite. He moved from there to Northaven, as Senior Pastor during the tumultuous late 60s and early 70s.
From there, he went on to become the President of St. Paul Seminary in Kansas City for more than a decade. And when that time ended, he found himself back in Dallas, back across the street from his old home church, as Professor of Preaching and Worship at Perkins. And finally, in retirement, he finds himself at Northaven, still teaching, preaching, writing. In just the past two years, Bill has helped us start a new, major lecture series: "Faith Voices on Justice."

So I want you to clearly note in this is just how wrong Scott Fitzgerald was. Not only did Bill McElvaney have a second act...he has had a third, fourth and fifth too.
-- Young businessman
-- Young preacher and pastor
-- Seminary President
-- Seminary Professor
-- Retired, twenty-year advocate for the oppressed and marginalized.

I believe you must agree with me that few ministers you will ever know have such a diverse and unique arc to their career.

Bill has served on boards such as the Maguire Center here at SMU, the Dallas Peace Center, The Wilkinson Center, Salud y Paz, The Greater Dallas Community of Churches, and many others.

He's the author of at least nine books that I could count, including his most recent "Becoming a Justice-Seeking Congregation," based in large part on the ministries and people of Northaven Church.

Bill and Fran founded the "McElvaney Award for Peace and Justice" given to SMU students that highly value these traits.

And along the way, by his side all the time, is Fran.
Fran and Bill are an amazing team. They are pastoral dynamos, constantly checking-in on members and friends, passionate about staying connected with the church. Fran is Bill's constant companion, writing editor and has gradually...and every-so-slowly is saving him from being a social media luddite.

Their love, their passion and zeal for each other and for serving the world, is an inspiration to us all.

Bill and Fran have two children-- John, who is with us tonight, and Shannon, who lives with her family in Massachusetts. And I love hearing Bill, over the years, speak lovingly of his children.

To show just how much his life has changed, and with his permission, he's allowed me to share with you a story of his life he once shared with me. As an undergraduate in the 1950s, just across campus here at SMU, Bill once stood among fraternity brothers and defended its segregationist admission policies.
This was Bill, the young fraternity man.

But just a a decade later, Rev. Bill McElvaney would be marching alongside a sea of African Americans, when Dr. King's "Poor People's March" came to Dallas. In fact, Bill was one of the only white preachers, one of the only white people, to march alongside African Americans that day, even against the desires of some Northaven members.

You see, Bill McElvaney has always understood that God can transform lives. Even his.

Bill continues to believe God can transform lives. So it as been, in more recent years, that Bill has been in passionate solidarity with the LGBT community. Because he understands that on this issue, God is still transforming lives.

So complete is Bill's love for the LGBT community, that he and Fran are "grandparents of choice" of several of Northaven's LGBT families. I recall a recent sermon he preached at Northaven where --to protest General Conference, to stand in solidarity with LGBT community-- Bill wordlessly took the stole from his neck, and placed it on the table-- standing with those not allowed full participation in the church.

Bill talked about this kind of transformation, in his great book "The Good News Is Bad News Is Good News."

This has been a deeply important book for me, as it described the journey that people of privilege can make as they allow God to work on them. Here's how Bill says it in the book:

"Thank God the gospel has interfered with my life in countless ways. When I have sought security, the gospel has pointed me to loving risk for others. When my vested interests have blinded me, the gospel has beckoned me to open my eyes to the world beyond my own interests. When I get hooked on status and prestige, the gospel holds before me the picture of a crucified Savior..."

The life and ministry Bill has led got him called "Communist" in more than one decade. (And that's hard to do!) In a 1969 rally for peace, the marchers had been harassed all along the route by John Bircher-types calling them communists. When they arrived at Dealey Plaza, red paint was thrown on the speaker. It also got on Bill.

And just a few years ago, while protesting something I won't mention here, Bill was called out on "The Colbert Report" for being, and I quote, one of two "professors Lenin and Marx." Of all the times Bill has ever been mentioned in the media (and there have been many) Bill says nothing generated that much talk and conversation.

Called communist, for real, in the 60s; and in jest this decade.

Here's a picture of Bill and me at a large peace really, just before the beginning of the Iraq War.

As pastor of St. Stephen, Bill helped lead an interfaith effort that desegregated the Mesquite Public Schools.

Bill visited Central America often in the 1980s and 90s, has stood for the rights of immigrants, and has written and preached, powerfully on "solidarity with the poor."
Bill advocates for peace. But what I love about his witness for peace, is that he is passionate about non-violence. He has never been afraid to challenge Peace activists to be non-violent in all things.

As President of St. Paul, Bill pushed faculty and staff, at all levels, to come together. He challenged the hierarchy that sometimes exists in higher education and ushered in an era where everyone...from the oldest tenured professor, to the youngest janitor...saw themselves as a part of God's ministry team.

As Preaching Professor at Perkins, Bill had layfolks from Dallas churches evaluate our "live" sermons. In class, we weren't just preaching to a choir of seminarians and a professor...but to folks who would be in the pews.

When Bill was pastor at Northaven, he helped to start a second-mile giving fund called "The Human Development Fund." To this day it continues to give funds to many needy ministries in the Dallas area and beyond that deal with women, children, the poor. To date, this group has given close to a million dollars to worthy causes.

But of all the things that Bill McElvaney taught me, believe it or not, the most important lessons he taught me have been pastoral, not prophetic.

An early lesson he taught me, that I never have forgotten is this: before you can be prophet to the people, you must be their pastor.

You must visit the people in the hospital, sit with them at the time of death, listen to them as their share their burdens. You see, during all these 50 years --during all these incredible social movements we've mentioned just now-- Bill has also visited people. Up through the present day. He and Fran, and I often talk about Northaven folks who are sick and in need of prayer and healing.

"LOVE the people first," Bill says, "and they will give you the space and grace to be a prophet."

I have found this to be the truest, and most powerful thing he's ever taught me. And, I will observe that over the years I have seen many colleagues fail to grasp the simple, but deep, importance of this; and, sadly, suffer consequences because of it.

Finally, let me share with you that Bill McElvaney was the first teacher I ever saw cry. It was November 1989, and I was walking across campus, right out front of Perkins Chapel, and he was coming back the other direction. And he was in tears. He had just heard of the murder of the six Jesuit Priest in El Salvador, and their two coworkers. And I remember being deeply moved that this professor could be so moved by the murder of people thousands of miles away.

But you see, Bill always allowed his life to be changed ...in Mesquite, at Northaven, in Kansas City, at Perkins. He allowed his life to be changed by his ministry for and with African Americans in the 60s, Immigrants and the Poor in Central America in the 80s, LGBT persons in the 90s and today.

Even today, Bill's life continues to answer these questions:

"What will you do with what God has given you? How will stand for, stand with, those who did not have the chances and opportunities you did? How you will give voice to those who have none? How will honor your past, but not be bound by it? How will you speak a word of hope to the people who are like you, but also the people who are very different from you? How will you love all God's people?"

Because he has allowed his life to be changed, God has used him to change our world for God. It's a lesson for us all, really.

So, I give thanks to God for the life and ministry of Dr. William K McElvaney, and I invite you to welcome him now...

Our Everyday Insanity

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:10:30 PST

"Try not to think about it. That's what I do," The Judge texts me.

"The Judge," for those unfamiliar, is a term of affection I use for my wife. She's a State District Judge in Dallas County.

I texted her this morning, soon after I heard the news of yet another shooting. This time, the shooting was the assassination-style murder of a District Attorney just outside the courthouse in Kaufman County, Texas. (Just south of Dallas).

"Try not to think about it. That's what I do."

When something horrible happens --at work, or in the world-- Dennise has the remarkable ability to keep her head down, keep her cool, and put one foot in front of the other.
It's just her way. I love her for it.

Meanwhile, I am professionally and morally pulled to ask the deeper questions. Questions of meaning. Questions of purpose and existence. When something horrible happens, I tend to stop and feel tremendous waves of grief and empathy.
It's just my way.

That's the difference between me and her. It's probably what makes us a great couple. It's definitely why she's great at what she does, why I'm good at what I do, and why we should never mix them up.

So, we met for lunch today, which was great. And I comfort myself with facts.
Yes, it wasn't Dallas County.
Yes, she was more than safe in the courthouse, flanked by her faithful Bailiff.
These things I know.

But I also know this...

When there is a courthouse shooting like this, everybody who works at a courthouse anywhere, anybody who loves them, their hearts sink. Stomachs tighten. They know, intuitively, that this is the danger courthouse personnel face each and every day. Day-to-day, they push it out of their mind. They try not to think about it. Because, otherwise, it would drive them crazy.

But every morning, Moms and Dads, spouses and loved ones, wake up. They spend those holy hectic moments of preparation with their families. As the great Mark Heard once sang, they "nod over coffee and say goodbye...smile over coffee and turn to go." (my favorite version, by Peirce Pettis, here)

They kiss their families goodbye. They go to work at courthouses, doing jobs that repeatedly place them face-to-face with angry, sometimes violent, people.

Yes, I thank God there is good courthouse security. Believe me, I thank God for that every...single....day.

So, no, you don't think about every day. But you do on days like this one. And on other days too. Now and then, The Judge comes home with some story of a close call. I'm not gonna scare you with them here.
But, trust me. I could.

On those days, that term of endearment that I use for her becomes all too real. The heart races. The stomach sinks.
It happens.

So, it happened again today. And, in an existential sense, The Judge is right, "What are you gonna do about it? It is what it is."

But like I said, as a preacher, I'm called to meditate on the deeper meanings.

As a minister and a citizen I know and have faith that two truths are self evident:

The Constitution invites us to live life in freedom.
God calls us to live without fear.

The presence of 300 million firearms, loose in our nation, erodes our ability to do either. We deserve to be able to walk down the street, to our jobs, to to to lunch, to the movies, to our houses of worship, and not fear that we will be shot. Children deserve to be able to wait for the bus and not fear being shot. (Thinking of Chicago...)

So, I will repeat what I said in December, after Sandy Hook...

There is no way to reduce gun deaths to zero. But we must work the margins, as we've done with automobile safety, and as we've done with the safety of any other consumer good.

Yes, gun owners, you have the right to own a gun. If you wish. But I will pray for you, because you are more than four times more likely to be shot than I am.

The Constitution bestows on you the right to own a gun. But the words "well regulated" appear right there in that Second Amendment itself. It's pretty clear that the framers understood that "regulation" and "gun ownership" were not mutually exclusive things.

In fact, from a plain reading of the amendment, you might argue that it is UNregulated gun ownership that is most clearly UNconstitutional.

But whether we choose to own guns or not, God desires us all to live life without fear. As I just said, we deserve to walk into our place of business --a restaurant, a school, a house of worship-- without living in the fear of being shot.

I really need gun owners to hear and digest this next existential truth, which I said in an earlier blog, and will continue to say until it sinks in: It is not possible for you to be defensively-vigilant enough in all places and times. If you believe this, you are deluded. Dangerously deluded.

Even if you are well trained with firearms, during the high-stress situation of an actual confrontation, you are far more likely to be shot before you can unholster your gun. You are far more likely to have your gun used against you, than you are to stop actual violence from ever happening. If you don't believe it, please watch this video.

More guns cannot keep you safe. More guns cannot keep your family safe. If you believe this, you are believing a lie that is dangerous to you and your family, to me and my family, and to society as a whole.

The only personal solution truly is the choice to have faith. To put our faith in God. To trust in God, not guns. The only solution is to rebuild trust between people.

The only societal solutions are reasonable regulation of guns and concentration on the problem of mental illness.

Our nation is insane about guns. I will keep saying this until I get some evidence that our insanity has lifted. Until we can wake up and admit this, nothing truly will change.

Gun owners, when you say new gun laws will not help, you are wrong. They can definitely help the margins. And the margins will save the actual lives of actual human beings.

Gun owners, when you say that mental illness is the "real" problem, I might agree with you partly. Yes, it's part of the issue.

So, let me beg you: if you know gun-owning friends whom you suspect of being mentally unstable... say something about them to somebody else.

You see, most of the folks I know do not own guns. So, I'm not generally around these unstable folks. But I know all-too-well that they exist. You do too.

So, if you're going to argue that mental illness is the problem, fine. Help us all out. Help us reduce the margins, and defend the rights of responsible gun owners by helping us identify your gun-owning friends who may be mentally unstable.

This is something you can do that would make a tremendous difference.
And, yes, there is more burden on you here, absolutely. Burden and responsibility. That's as it should be.

That aside, the truth is this...

We are being terrorized by guns.
Guns DO kill people.
A lax attitude toward enforcement of gun laws kills people.
The refusal to adopt additional sensible gun laws, some supported by majorities of NRA members, kills people.
Doing nothing kills people.

God is moving the hearts of people in our nation on this issue. Even the majority of gun owners support some increased gun regulation.

So, as a minister and citizen, I am passionate about the following potential new laws(a):
Backgrounds checks on all sales.
A national database.
Limits on high capacity magazines.
Bans on assault weapons.

These things, over time --perhaps over the span of our children's lives to see the full effect-- would definitely save lives.
 There is absolutely no question about it.

As for The Judge? I can tell you what she'll do. We'll talk about it a bit more tonight. Maybe we'll both shed a few tears.

Then, she'll get up tomorrow morning, like every morning. She'll kiss The Divine Miss M and me, and she'll go back to that courthouse again. She, and tens of thousands like her, across the land.

They've got important work to do, upholding the law.

What am I gonna do?
I'm gonna keep talking about this, as long as it takes, until I see some evidence that our insanity over guns is lifting. The truth is, I could've written this blog on almost any day since Sandy Hook. It's just that today it hits a bit closer to home. Tomorrow, it probably won't be as close to home. But it will be just as true.

You see, I could write this blog every day. And that's really the most insane part of our insanity about guns.

(As always, if you like this post, then "share it" or "like" it on Facebook by clicking the box below, so others can see too...)

(a) I am speaking for myself, here, as a minister and citizen. I am not speaking for anyone else, including The Judge.

The End of the World As We Know It

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 21:20:12 PST

"So, if they say to you, ‘Look! He is in the wilderness,’ do not go out.
If they say, ‘Look! He is in the inner rooms,’ do not believe it…
But about that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."
-- Jesus Christ (Matthew, Chapter 24)

"It's the end of the world, as we know it…and I feel fine."
-- REM

Even with our national grief over Sandy Hook continuing, there is anecdotal evidence that, in some places, long lines are forming outside gun shops. (This commentator predicts it here.)

Disturbing news, of course. But given the Sandy Hooks shooting on last Friday, and the end of the Mayan calendar on this one, it's not surprising.

There is an apocalyptic fear that always seems to flow, just below the surface of American life, and it rears its ugly head now and then. Americans, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, have always had a secret fetish for the "end times."

The distinctive American end-times-fear has a theological and a secular form. They are related, but they are also distinct.

The theological form sees Jesus riding in on the clouds at the end of the world.
(Although, apparently, this week people are willing to grant a "Mayan exception")

The secular form sees President Obama riding a fleet of UN helicopters into Anytown, USA, to tear guns from the hands of law abiding citizens.

Look. Can I offer a bit of perspective?

First off, the world's not gonna end on Friday. It's just not.

People have been predicting the end of the world since the beginning of time, and they've always been terribly, terribly wrong. They will be on Friday too. Here's an impressive list of just how many times they've been wrong.

But more than this, as you can read from the above passage, Jesus was very clear that even he didn't know when it was going to be. He says that only "God the Father" could know such things.

Given this, there's a very simple, easy, and scripturally irrefutable test to see if any particular day will be the actual end of the world.

The test is this:
If somebody says any specific day is the end of the world, you are absolutely, positively 100 percent assured it will NOT be that day.

Why? Because Jesus said so.
("Jesus said it. I believe it. That settles it")

That is why, from a Christian perspective, I can say with great assurance: The world won't end Friday.

So people, please calm down out there. Please. Take a breath. Several.

But, what about the "secular form?" The idea that the government is about to swoop in and take away guns from every single human being on the planet?

Look, my sense is this: Sandy Hooks has changed things. The horror of Sandy Hooks has opened the eyes of many people, in ways that few events in recent history have.

As I wrote Saturday: "Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results."

I have a sense that the American people are about to wake up from our insanity about guns.

So, in that sense, then, maybe it is the "end of the world as we know it."

And if it is? Then, dear God, I do feel fine!

I feel fine about a world of unregulated guns coming to an end.

I feel fine about the sale of assault weapons coming to an end.
(Hint: if a weapon has the name "assault" in the title, it's not a defensive weapon)

I feel fine about the gun-show loopholes coming to an end.

I feel fine about high-capacity magazines coming to an end.

If that's the "end of the world" we're talking about? Bring it on!

I mean, when Joe Scaborough --former Republican Member of Congress, with a 100 percent NRA rating-- comes out with this commentary, you know the world is changing, and an old world is ending:

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

BTW, the United Methodist Church has been calling for changes to the way we treat guns for a decade. You can read our fine statement here.

Ironically, one of the themes of Advent is Christ's coming into the world.

We remember Christ's coming once.
We celebrate Christ's coming at Christmas, into our hearts now.
And we look forward to some final coming, where things on earth will be quite different than they are now.

As we say this three-fold affirmation the communion liturgy every time we take that sacrament:

"Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again."

Yes. Exactly.

In this, we say, "Yes, the world is dark and dangerous. Yes, the world is cold and yes fear is rampant. But incarnate love is still possible. Things can be different than they are now"

Lord knows (and the Lord does) the world needs to change on guns.

When more preschoolers die from guns than members of law enforcement, the world needs to change.
(And, no, nobody in law enforcement ever needs to die. Just pointing out the horrible irony…)

When eleven of the world's 20-worst mass gun killings have happened in America in the past fifty years, the world needs to change.

When FIVE of those have been since 2007, the world needs to change.

When there have been thirty-one school shootings since "Columbine," the world needs to change.

We are insane about guns in our society, and we need to change.

OK. Let me turn my focus. If you are a gun owner, I want to speak directly to you now.

If just reading the words in this blog strikes a fear into you heart, all I can tell you is this:
God calls us to faith, not firearms.
Our faith is in God, not guns.

Life in inherently risky. You cannot possibly own enough guns and ammunition to keep your family safe in all circumstances and at all times. That is the truth. Believing you can is a dangerous fiction. It's dangerous to you. It's dangerous to your family.

Few people I know want to ban all guns. But they do want to reduce gun deaths, and some kind of responsible regulation will probably be a part of that.

Obama will not take all guns. The government will not take all guns. That will never happen. Anybody who tells you it will is stirring up fear in your heart, driving you away from faith in God, and rotting your view of your fellow human being.

Buying more guns cannot save you from your all of your fears. Even if you carry a gun 24-7, there are hundreds of times a day when somebody could shoot you or your loved ones. I know this to be theologically and spiritual true. But, apparently, it's also been factually proven.

I don't own a gun. But I love you, my gun-owning friends. And I love you enough to tell you that you are 4.5 times more likely to be shot than I am. (Read it here)

You see, I tell you this not because I hate you, but precisely because I love you. I don't want to see you die like the millions of other American gun owners who die every year by having their own guns turned on themselves, or in some horrible gun accident involving their loved ones.

Take the horror of Sandy Hooks, for example. Today, Michael Moore tweeted this bitterly sarcastic, but totally true, message:

"If only the first victim, Adam Lanza's mother, had been a gun owner, she could have stopped this before it started"

Of course, she was a gun owner. She taught him to shoot. He used her guns to kill her, and twenty-six other human beings. It's literally true to say --however hard it is to hear-- that she taught him how to kill her.

Harsh? Yes.

But the truth is harsh, dear gun owner friends.
It's a harsh truth you need to hear precisely because I do care about you.
I don't want to see that happen to you.

Don't fear anybody taking away all the guns. If you love guns, there will always be a legal way for you to have them, if you want them.

As I said the other day, one of the things we owe the Christmas Angels, those who died Friday, is to not just dream of, but make real, something new; to stop being insane about guns, and to do things a different way.

The world may end someday. But it won't end Friday.
And it won't end should there be more gun regulation either.

But, here in Advent, we may well be seeing the end of a part of our world: The part that tolerates unregulated guns, and unending death.

If so, I am ready for it.

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What We Owe The Christmas Angels

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 06:02:02 PST

We are still grieving. I am still grieving.

It was around noon yesterday when I saw the news alert for this shooting come across my phone. I burst into tears.

Twenty young children, the most innocent and helpless members of our society, cut down by what will most certainly be judged to be a mentally ill person.

Twenty families, many with presents under their Christmas trees, that will go unopened. Hundreds of schoolmates, thousands of family members, who will never ever be the same.

But, it's even broader than this. Every single parent in America sees this and recoils. They hug their children (we did). Their thoughts immediately rush to their children's school, and they imagine the horror of such things in their towns too.

What happens to us is all is: FEAR.

Big, bold fear, with capital letters.

So, these are the thoughts of grief that first fly through my soul. They still rattling inside their today, and even as a write these words, I can feel the emotion welling up.

But, there is something else that wells up in me, just as deeply, and surprisingly strong: ANGER.

Because two thousand years ago, Christmas angels told the world, "FEAR NOT."

And yet, far too often, we are still a world ruled by our fears. Whether we own guns or don't own guns, we live in fear. Whether we've been involved in a shooting, or just watched them from afar, we live in fear.

But, especially at Christmas, we read Bible stories of how God does not want us to live in fear. God wants us to live in world of hope and peace.

So, because this call to "fear not" has been with us for long, and because these damn shootings keep happening, increasing our fear, what comes out in me is anger.

Righteous, God-inspired anger.

Anger at the continuing scourge of gun violence. Anger that, once again, another mass shooting has happened. Anger that, once again, I am told that "now is not the time to talk about guns."

Yes. Yes, it is. It is the perfect time. Like any other issue that confronts your life, the time to talk about it is when it happens. That's what any therapist will tell you. Don't push it down. Don't bury it. TALK about it.

There is an old expression, of debatable attribution, that goes:

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

So, this morning, I choose to name the insanity, and choose to talk about guns.

Specially, I want to talk to gun owners, and those who are strong defenders of the Second Amendment. Some of you who are gun owners are my friends and family. I love you all dearly. But the time has come to talk about these things.

YOU must be willing to talk about these.
YOU must be willing to search your heart, to open your eyes to the reality of gun violence in our nation.
Change will come from YOU…gun owners…

Until then, we will all continue to be insane, and the innocent will continue to die.

To those of you who own guns, I want to speak to you as a minister, theologically and spiritually, and to tell you the most true thing I know on the subject:

Life is inherently risky. In every moment of life, we encounter innumerable risks to our security and safety. Even if you carry gun on your person, 24-7, every day you will encounter situations where you can still be shot, where your loved ones can be shot, and where there is absolutely nothing you and your gun can do to stop it.

Think about your average day. Consider the number of times you are in the mall, at school, watching a movie, in church…and your guard is down. You deserve to be able to have moments, in public, where your guard is down.

This is the world God wants.

We cannot live with unregulated gun ownership, and without fear. Those two things are incompatible with each other.

Guns cannot keep you safe. Guns cannot keep your family safe. It is not possible to own enough guns, or stock enough ammunition, to keep your family safe in each and every moment of life. It's a dangerous fiction --perhaps the MOST dangerous-- to believe you can.

The goal of ordinary life in America cannot be a fully-armed citizenry, ever vigilant for an attack.

Is that the America you believe will keep us safe? You are wrong. You will fail. That America will fail. Gun attacks, in that kind of America, will only continue and only worsen.

The answer, and our only hope, is in the opposite direction entirely. The answer, and our only hope, is to put our trust in God, not guns. The answer is to listen to the leading of true FAITH.

Not faith in firearms, but faith in God, and trust in each other.

Guns erode trust. Guns are to the violent and mentally ill mind, what crack cocaine is to the addict. The easy access to guns tempt the mentally ill.

These events happen over and over and over again, and we throw up our hands and say, "Well there's nothing we can do about it."

Yes there is. Many other nations on earth do not suffer the gun deaths we do in our nation. They do things differently, and they get a different result. They choose to not be insane about guns.

Or, maybe you acknowledge some problem, but you imagine it's not really that bad. After all, more people die in traffic accidents each year, they say, and we don't outlaw cars.
That is true.

But did you know that the number of gun death is just about pull even with the number of traffic deaths? The difference is less than ten percent, and if the trend-lines continue they will likely pull even with each other in the next few years.

We put regulations in place to make cars safer and make drivers more responsible. That has reduced, dramatically, the number of car deaths. Meanwhile, the number of gun deaths continue to rise. Unless we choose to do something differently, in two years or less, as many people will die from traffic accidents as from guns.

One of the best pieces I've read in the past day is from Ezra Klein of the Washington Post. When confronted with this same insanity over guns, he points out this:

"If roads were collapsing all across the United States, killing dozens of drivers, we would surely see that as a moment to talk about what we could do to keep roads from collapsing. If terrorists were detonating bombs in port after port, you can be sure Congress would be working to upgrade the nation’s security measures. If a plague was ripping through communities, public-health officials would be working feverishly to contain it.

Only with gun violence do we respond to repeated tragedies by saying that mourning is acceptable but discussing how to prevent more tragedies is not. “Too soon,” howl supporters of loose gun laws. But as others have observed, talking about how to stop mass shootings in the aftermath of a string of mass shootings isn’t “too soon.” It’s much too late."

Yes. It is much too late. And our inability to deal with this issue is clinically insane.
On Facebook, I saw this following:

One guy tries a shoe bomb = Every flyer takes their shoes off.
Thirty-one school shootings since Columbine = no changes at all.

Yep.

Some of you still don't believe the problem is as bad as it is. That's part of the problem…you don't SEE the problem.

So, here are some facts (Many from that same Ezra Klein story):

-- Of the 20 worst mass shootings in world history over the past fifty years, eleven have been in the United States alone.

-- Of those eleven US shootings, five have happened since 2007.

-- Add together all the gun deaths in the 23 wealthiest countries in the world and 80 percent of those deaths are Americans. Of all the children killed by guns in those nations, 87 percent are American kids.

-- Since 2005, there is a multiple-victim shooting in America every 5.9 days. (Citation here)

-- Israel and Switzerland are wealthy, first-world nations, with a high-level of gun ownership. But! A very low incidents of mass shootings.

-- The Harvard Injury Control Research Center found substantial evidence that indicates "more guns means more murders." This holds true whether you’re looking at different countries or different states.

-- The number of guns in this nation is almost at a "one-to-one" ratio.

-- States with tighter gun control laws tend to have fewer gun homicides. New York City has some of the strictest gun laws on the nation, and violent crime has been dropping there for twenty years.
(citations here and here)
----------------------------------------

I don't want to repeal the Second Amendment. However, if gun owners and defenders continue to reflexively oppose any gun regulation, then maybe I will harden my position.

Maybe it's only when a large number of American citizens threaten all gun ownership that things will change. If so, so be it. I am ready even for that debate.

I believe what this says:

It is time for a national conversation about guns and gun safety. Yesterday, I signed the pledge at "We are Better Than This." I encourage you to do the same.

It is also time for a conversation about the mentally ill. This is perhaps just as crucial. We must be change the way we treat the mentally ill in our nation, how we care for them, how we stigmatize them. A part of our collective insanity is in failing to deal with the mentally ill themselves.

This blog is mostly about the issue of guns, but I'd be remiss to not mention mental illness too. To me, they are two sides of the same coin. My passion and anger comes out about guns.

My COMpassion comes out about mental illness. The best words I've heard on this subject come from a woman who calls herself "The Anarchist Soccer Mom." You should read her blog here. (Note I said "should," not "can.")

Her son, Michael, suffers from mental illness, and this blog is something of both a confessional and a cry for help. In this section, she talks about taking him to a mental hospital for treatment:

"On the intake form, under the question, “What are your expectations for treatment?” I wrote, “I need help.”

And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense.

I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am Jason Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. (http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/07/mass-shootings-map). Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do."

There's that word again: FEAR.

As we open up our national conversation about guns, we must do the same about mental illness too. I give thanks for the Anarchist Soccer Mom, who is trying her best to get her son help, not shooting lessons. We must help Moms like her; any Mom anywhere struggling with a son with mental illness.

I can disagree with her about whether or not it's actually "easy" to talk about guns. I think, as I've just said, our nation has something of a sickness about guns...perhaps the sickness of denial...but I can take her point too. Mental illness causes deep fear in folks, and except for training the police to deal with it, we seem to be doing little else.

It's time to talk about mental illness too.

------------------------------------

One story leaped out at me this morning. Among the twenty dead children yesterday is one who was scheduled to be in the Christmas pageant at the local Catholic Church.

She was scheduled to be a Christmas Angel.

That Christmas Angel deserved better. So did the twenty other angels of yesterday. They did not deserve to die, nor did God fore-ordain their deaths.

God understands that fear is a dominant emotion of our world. So it was that the original Christmas angels tell the shepherd "FEAR NOT."

Overcoming our fears, finding ways to live together in love with our fellow human beings, is what God calls us to. Our fears can never be overcome with firearms.

Yes, if we adopt sensible gun laws, innocent people will still die. We cannot reduce gun deaths to zero, just like we cannot reduce traffic deaths to zero either.

But we CAN reduce them. We absolutely can. We can make the world much safer, just as we have done with cars.

These things are not preordained and predestined by God. God gives us our intellect, our reason, our logic, to be able to solve challenging issues like this.

We owe that little girl, that Christmas Angel, and all her angel friends...
we owe those killed in the Aurora movie theater...
we owe those killed in the Sikh Temple...
...a world where they can go to a school, a movie, or be in prayer, and not die of gun violence.

Let's honor their memories and give them that world.

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Reponse to the Connecticut Shooting

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 15:23:18 PST

Dear Friends:

The unspeakable events in Connecticut today have everyone reeling, and in shock. It's almost unfathomable to believe the loss and the grief.

I can share with you that I have been crying off and on all day. I find myself moving back and forth between deep grief for the loss of innocent life, and deep anger at the abiding scourge of gun violence in our society; a problem that is, statistically, 20-times worse in our nation than in any other developed nation on earth.

Please do call us, or reach out via email, if you are feeling the need to talk about these events. I know that many you who are parents are struggling --as are Dennise and I-- with how to deal with these issues with our children.

Here are some tips from Channel 8 News and Children's Medical Center, that seem generally solid. If any of you parents wish to talk, please do call us.

We have a previously scheduled "Service for the Longest Night" coming up this Sunday evening. While it was conceived of as a service to remember our personal griefs and losses, there is no reason it cannot also serve as a time to mourn the violence and loss of life in this tragedy too.

We'll light candles of hope, sing songs of the holiday, and attempt to witness to the belief that nothing can separate of us from the love of God…a love no darkness can overcome.

So, if you are feeling the need to gather, that time might be very helpful for folks to come and share their sense of grief and loss.

Also, this hymn/prayer, originally written by Carolyn Winfrey Gillette after the Columbine shooting, seems appropriate today.

God be with you all….EF

    "God, we have heard it, sounding in the silence:
    News of the children lost to this world's violence.
    Children of promise! Then without a warning,
    Loved ones are mourning.

    Jesus, you came to bear our human sorrow;
    You came to give us hope for each tomorrow.
    You are our life, Lord God's own love revealing.
    We need your healing!

    Heal us from giving weapons any glory;
    Help us, O Prince of Peace, to hear your story;
    Help us resist the evil all around here;
    May love abound here!

    By your own Spirit, give your church a clear voice;
    In this world's violence, help us make a new choice.
    Help us to witness to the joy your peace brings,
    Until your world sings!"

Original source here.

UPDATE:
I have now written a much longer blog that incorporates not only the sadness of these moments, but also a sense of justice and a naming of important issues. Please feel free to find it here.

(As always, if you like this post, then "share it" or "like" it on Facebook by clicking the box below, so others can see too...)

Jimmy Fallon and The Roots Redeem This Song (And Mariah)

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 08:15:33 PST

This is the funnest things I've seen this holiday season.

This is straight out of the "this is harder than it looks" book.
Only truly talented musicians can pull this off.

Thanks to all for the big smile this holiday season.

Standing Up to Black Friday

noreply@blogger.com (When EF Talks) — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 08:37:37 PST

If you know me at all, you know how obsessed I have become with the story of Jdmityai Damour, the Walmart employee who was tramped to death on Black Friday in 2008.

For those who don't know, a brief refresher. And then, a word about this year...ie, what's happening, what I'm consider, for this Black Friday 2012.

For a little refresher, here's the first blog I wrote about Damour's death in 2010. This will catch you up to speed.

Here's another from last year.

Finally, here's a blog about the disgusting lengths Walmart took to avoid paying a paltry $7000 fine in the matter.

But maybe you don't celebrate "Black Friday," and don't truly believe how insane it all gets.

If you don't believe that things are ridiculous and crazy on Black Friday, check out these actual videos from last year, some from stores in our area.

Jdmityai has made it into sermons of mine for the past several years. His story would not let me go. Eventually, I found myself having to write a song. Hear it here.

So, for several years, I've grieved Jdmityai. But this year, I'm feeling the pull/call to do more.

This year, there are two counter-movements growing:

1) Avoid Walmart and other Big Boxes by shopping local on Black Friday.
2) Support Walmart workers in their efforts to make a living wage.

Let me say more about both...

Avoid Walmart/Shop Local
I'm really pleased that Lance Price has invited me to play a set of my music at CD Source on Friday.

For the past several years, Lance has stood against Black Friday by sponsoring "Record Store Day." It's a chance to support a great local small business, and hear some real live music from real-live local songwriters.

Here are the details.

So, one way to do something positive is: Avoid Walmart. Shop local.

Come join us on "Record Day" this Friday!
I'll be there at 7 pm. But they will have live music all day.

Another way is....

Support Walmart Workers
If you haven't heard of "Our Walmart," it's a new group of Walmart employees who are organizing strikes/protests around the nation on Black Friday. Here's their website. This is mainly a site for Walmart employees themselves.

But it has a link to this powerful video, showing why they are standing up:

If you make $15,000 at Walmart, you are considered "fulltime." Some of the other reason very good reason are listed in this video, and it's time for folks to stand up.

There is a protest planned for here in the Dallas-area on Black Friday. I may not be back in town at 7 am that day. But if it's still going on later in the day, I will definitely go by.

Here are the details.

In the past few years, some have "critiqued the critique" of Walmart/Black Friday, suggesting that the only folks who are against it are those wealthy enough to just stay home. Last year, I tried to answer that criticism here.

This year, there's an even stronger reason: Because these workers are standing up. Because they are standing up, we should stand up with them.

So, I'm hoping to get more involved myself.

If you're wondering why I am interested in all this, it's because my faith calls me to it. Here's what my United Methodist Church says about the Rights of Workers:

"Since 1908, the church has advocated for a living wage in every industry (1908 Social Creed) and continues to support the rights of workers to share fully in the prosperity of society. Unfortunately, too many workers earn poverty wages with few benefits, and disparities are growing between high wage earners and low-wage earners. Despite rising productivity and profits in recent years, these gains have not been shared by a majority of workers."

You can read the entire statement here. God call us to stand with workers, seeking a better life.

Again, here's the link about the local protest on Friday. If I am in town while it's still going on, I will be there.

One way or another, I hope you will join me in not only opposing Black Friday, but by doing something positive as well.

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