It’s Mother’s Day 2012, my third Mother’s Day without you. Let me start off by saying I miss you so terribly much. So much has happened in the years that passed since you were taken from us. So much to tell, both good and bad. You were the best mother I can ever imagine having and I guess that’s why I wanted to share EVERYTHING with you. I’m glad I disobeyed you on Mother’s Day 2009 when you told me not to come over because you were feeling like crap. We didn’t know you had cancer yet, we just knew you weren’t feeling well. I showed you though…I came over and we had an enjoyable day together. I am VERY glad I did that…

Like I said Mom, I miss you terribly. Fear not though…I don’t dwell on it. Your great motherly advice about not dwelling on the bad or not dwelling on things that you can’t change usually sticks with me. I do miss picking up the phone and calling you at the first sign of news (again…good or bad, you were my go-to gal!).

I do want you to know things are better than they were when you left us. I fear that the condition of my life weighed heavy on you in your last days and I really really hope that you know, as usual, I would overcome. I grabbed another job after you passed (I sure didn’t want one while you were sick…didn’t want to miss any days with you). Granted, that unscrupulous businessman that put me deeper into debt still owes me gobs of money but I’m managing to survive despite that. I do love the nickname you came up for him…heh heh, you always knew how to put a funny spin on anything.

There are so many things I walk around thinking “geeze, I wish I could show Mom this”. Like LocaJot, the iPhone app Aken and I put out. I know you would have been so supportive as we went through the entire process together, learning as we went, and creating something cool. I created something cool, in your honor, and just like you enjoyed doing…creating. Sometimes when I’m walking around my new neighborhood or house I think “geeze, Ma would love these windows” or “I know Ma would go nuts on this yard”.

See, that’s just it Mom, I’ve always wanted to make you proud. Growing up, I wasn’t too terribly bad…not because fear of punishment but because I wanted nothing more than your prideful hugs, your words of encouragement and praise, and to make you proud. THAT is the sign of a good mother, and you certainly were one.

Doing my best to brush off the bad and take the best out of any situation. Your death has been and forever will be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I will make you proud however in how I handle this as well as other times of adversity. You’ll love this…I moved in with Dad for a bit after you were gone. As you can imagine, there were times of tension here and there. However, after it was all said and done, we are closer than we have ever been in my entire life. We’ve both learned a lot from you, and also share the same loss. It’s another one of those things I wish you could see…but I do have the feeling you know it already. You always had that keen insight…and I know you’re looking down on us and continuing to guide us when our eyes and hearts are open.

Thank you Mom. Thank you for EVERYTHING. You always made sure I was fed and clothed. You ALWAYS made sure I felt loved. You showed me how to be self-sufficient and you showed me that not only is it ok to be different, but that it’s actually a good thing. You taught me how to laugh in the face of adversity, to buckle down and work hard, to love without remorse, and to see the beauty in practically everything out there. These are the signs of an amazing mother and you clearly were…and still are, the best.

I love you Mom.

One of my favorite pictures of my mom and I. Nothing but love as she tries to smush food all over my face.

It seems like a simple question. The automatic response would be “yeah, I am.” Of course, that’s the problem with many answers these days…the automatic response. And sadly (sadly?), most automatic responses don’t involve real thought and generally involve “Good” or “not bad” answers. Are these true? Doubtful.

Before we all think “oh boy, here comes a pessimistic post” let’s just think about it all, and think about what we can do with it. In all honesty, I’d rather take a canned “doing well” response rather than a “Oh geese, so crappy. First, this happened, and then…” response. So that’s a good start. But, back to the original problem…the automatic response without really thinking about it. Now drill back to the original question…are you happy?

Truly happy?

Happy with your life?
Happy with your job?
Happy with your health?
Happy with your relationships?

I don’t ask this just to ask it, I ask it to see what you’re doing about it. If you truly are happy, great, keep doing what you’re doing. If you’re not so happy, well, why not? Why…and what are you doing to change that?

It’s a question worth asking on a weekly basis. Maybe even daily. It’s always worth re-evaluating life to make sure you’re getting the most out of it. Life can be as rich as you want it, or as bland as you make it. Make it what you want, exciting or low key…but make it YOURS.

Why did I write this post? I’m thinking about my happiness. Compared to a couple years ago, life is worlds better than it was. Yet, I still feel unfulfilled and I’m thinking about why. I’m thinking about why and thinking about what I can and need to do about it. After pondering this I realized it’s not an exercise most of us go through. Reminders are always good to have…

Are you happy?

Chances are, the answer is “no” for a majority of people. It’s so easy to get caught up in work and paying bills that we forget about what it means to be a person, a whole person, that will leave a good legacy no matter where they are.

What legacy you leave can mean many things to many people. It doesn’t always have to be that morbid “when I die, what will people remember?” question. It can be something as simple as the legacy you leave at the place you work should you choose (or are forced) to get another job.

It’s a simple question that can lead to some profound actions and outcomes.

Instead of worrying about what you’ll watch on TV or what’s for dinner, ask the simple question “what will my legacy be?” and see how it changes your thoughts and changes your actions. You’ll find yourself wanting to be a better person, to create something good, or wanting to help someone out.

Stop and think about it for a minute. It’s actually a cool thing to think about. What would people remember about you if you suddenly left today? What do you want people to remember about you?

Time to fill that gap.

So, how did I get here? Was I always like this? Oh no…I used to eat my cereal in the morning and loved a good piece of garlic toast. And being the business startup guy that I am, there were many times I’d be buying the cheapest food possible in order to fund everything else. Cheapest food out there? Usually ramen noodles and other pasta. Of course, I was nowhere near the bread and pasta eaters that many other people are…I just happened to do it out of necessity.

I never felt TOO unhealthy. However, I look at pictures and egads, I sure didn’t look healthy. Yet, once I cut these processed grains out, I do feel rather icky (the technical term for it) after eating the processed grains again. It’s one of those things where you don’t realize you feel bad until you start to feel really good and then get back to that bad point and go “ewww”.

Over the years I’ve tried many variations on my diet. I call it “MY” diet and not “A” diet because short term diets sucks and just aren’t good for you. I want a sustainable diet that I can actually enjoy while I live a healthy life. I can’t recall any of my other methods of eating as being particularly superb, being the ones that make me go “yes! This is the one!” Do this from now on!”

It all started when my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a couple years ago. A few family members and myself scoured the net and talked to people all around trying to find a good diet for my mother and in that time I learned a lot about various eating methods myself. The first and main diet we focused on was the macrobiotic diet. In theory it makes sense to me (yes, I have a rather scientific and geeky mind along with my passionate and intuitive side) as it is geared to getting the body back to an alkaline state rather than an acidic state (which cancer happens to thrive on). Yet…I never was a big bread and pasta eater so it was far too much of a chore for me to try to enjoy this.

My next focus was more towards a Paleo diet. Meat and vegetables and hardly any processed grains. Again…in theory it made sense as man shrunk roughly six inches and started getting a multitude of diseases when they left the Paleolithic Era and started eating processed grains. Given my love for fish and steak and eggs and other sources of protein, this is one I could get behind. It’s also been a great way to force me to eat more vegetables as I know I’ve been lacking over the years.

Noticeable Improvements

Here’s what I’ve noticed since I’ve been doing this. I started in March 2011 and it is now November 2011.
Fat loss – I lost about 30 pounds of fat. Without working out or starving myself. In fact I eat as much as I possibly can to make sure I’m getting enough nutrients (that I’m “missing” from bread and pasta). I actually lost that in the two or three months and have been maintaining a steady (and healthy) weight since then.

• More energy – Yes, I have more energy despite the fact I’m not eating all the breads that the USDA claims I need for energy. Think of the carnivores out in the wild eating their prey…they have energy and don’t eat bread. Why do WE need it? In fact, if I eat a piece of bread or drink a sugary drink (very infrequently), I feel so sluggish and lethargic afterwards.
• Less aches – I don’t feel as achy in my joints and muscles. I still stay fairly active playing soccer when I can and doing other things, yet I feel YOUNGER now than I did before. (for the record, I just turned 39).
• Less colds – I haven’t had a cold in nearly a year now. Coincidence? Maybe. I’ll give my cleaner diet credit for this.

What I Eat

It will take a bit of adjustment for you to get used to eating like this…especially in the bread and pasta-centric culture that the US is. (I now feel for you vegans out there who have a hard time finding food while out at a restaurant). Just do this for a while…go out and try to find something that does NOT have bread…it’s tough! I end up making my own breakfast, lunch, dinner. I of course bring my lunch to work. ADDED BONUS…it’s cheaper making your own food than going out. Hurray!

Breakfast – Protein shake and some greens
Morning snack – Four eggs (don’t worry about cholestorol…dietary cholestorol doesn’t add to your numbers)
Snack – Almonds, some DARK chocolate, coconut oil
Lunch – Chicken and broccoli
Snack – Almonds, some DARK chocolate, coconut oil
Evening – Protein shake, coconut milk
Dinner – Tuna, some veggie

That’s it.
There you go.
Easy to do, cheap, and healthy. I could use more veggies in there but I’m a bit busy right now with a few projects and am not living in my own space yet so I can’t fill the kitchen with everything I want/need just yet.

Healthy body, healthy mind. Let’s keep it all going.

(I tried to keep this short but didn’t want to leave out too much info. My blood numbers have been good and I will continue to keep everyone updated. No, I don’t plan on selling a book and I don’t think you need to buy one. It’s easy to eat healthy and listen to your body)

Just what exactly am I talking about? I’ve been working on an iPhone app called LocaJot with a small mobile app development group Ecmodeyo. As we know, I have a wee-bit of passion for technology (I mean, I AM writing to you from a blog that I’m posting) and for creating things. Having the opportunity to work with these guys was awesome in itself and then you add the fact I get to help create something? Awesome!

I urge you all to find something you’re passionate about and just go to town. It can be a hobby, a potential business, a healthy endeavor…whatever it is, it will do great things for your mind and soul.

It’s easy to get home from work and do nothing because you need to “recover from the day” but far too often that ends up being your entire night, your week, your month…and what do you have to show for your free time (time not at work)? Uh oh! Take a walk (I enjoy being outdoors). Create a new dish. Draw a picture. Write something (funny, informative, deep…whatever you feel). There are SOOOOO many things you can do that you probably haven’t even thought of. Me…I’m looking forward to writing again. Hopefully you’re ready to soak in all my ponderings about passions soon enough.

If you’d like to take a look at what we’ve created, you can go to LocaJot.com or find the app directly at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/locajot/id453391031. If you have any questions about it you can reach me here or via the contact methods on the LocaJot site. I’m following in my mother’s footsteps…creating something and putting it out there. Thanks Mom.

Now to make sure I follow my own advice and continue on with my passions…

The best thing to take away from the article however is that Sir Richard Branson (the founder of the Virgin Group) is that you don’t have to struggle if you choose a lifestyle that is based on following your passions. That’s great news for many people that have the fear that they must choose between living in poverty while doing something they are passionate about or live a lifeless ho-hum life in order to make a bigger paycheck.

There are many other examples out there of successful people who have chosen to follow their passions and perhaps we should showcase them more often. We need more stories of truly happy people who are not simply scraping by in life. Cheers to you all who are already choosing to live this lifestyle and be happy every day living your life with passion.

The easiest way it seems to get and stay motivated is to surround yourself with goodness. How you define “goodness” is up to you, but it certainly works. When you stop and think about it, it seems like such a “duh” statement. Of course you want to surround yourself with goodness and avoid the nastiness, but for some reason we don’t always do that. This is especially the case once you’ve already been dragged into the ditch and are feeling low. When motivation is low, energy is low, optimism is low, it’s so much easier to stay in your funk and wallow in the mess. It’s not a conscious effort…it just happens.

Conversely, when things are going right, they just seem to go on a domino effect of goodness. You get more accomplished, you have fun, you come up with good ideas, it all just keeps piling on.

Great…so we’ve established that it’s easy to stay up when you’re up and down when you’re down. So how do we avoid the down?

1. Change your scenery - If you’re down one day, down the next, and again…it’s clearly time to change it up. It’s amazing what a simple change of scenery can do.
2. Physically move around - Simply getting the blood flowing will help pull you out of your funk and feed your brain with oxygen to come up with good ideas. More strenuous efforts will get the endorphins flowing and that will most certainly have you smiling and feeling good about life.
3. Eat good stuff – Did you know apples contain compounds that actually elevate the mood and wake you up? Chocolate has mood elevating compounds too. Eating too many processed and sugary foods actually mess with your system as you get a sudden raise in blood sugar levels and then a sudden drop (along with many other physiological effects)
4. Hang out with good people – Again, “good” is defined in many ways…it can be funny friends, caring family, motivated co-workers…whatever the case may be find them and hang with them. Even if you try, it will be hard to stay in your funk.

Easy peasy…have at it. Once you accomplish one thing during the day you’ll feel good and ready to conquer the next. And make sure you do something good for yourself!

ps – I’d be eternally grateful for any donations to the AIDS/Lifecycle ride I’m doing in a couple months. Link/Logo is up and to the left. Thanks!

Longtime readers of Wax Porhetoric (I’m still trying to figure if I should make this one word or two. Any ideas?) know of the passing of my mother to pancreatic cancer a couple years ago and how she was my best friend in the world. Readers will also know of the kitten that I named Sparky in my mother’s honor (as my mother used to be fond of saying “simmer down there sparky” or “how you doing sparky?”). Sadly, Sparky contracted FIP, a fatal disease in cats and passed away this past October (the same month, just a year later, that my mom passed away).

What is all this leading up to?

It leads to the new kitten. It had been months since the thought of another kitten entered my mind. There were enough other things in life to worry about (ie, landing a full time job, getting my knee back in order, taking care of a few debts, etc). No time to think about a cat! On a whim one day I happened to check the site where I had gotten Sparky. They happened to have one Burmese kitten left.

Hm, a sign? Just one kitten left out of the litter on the one day I happen to check? Perhaps. Or maybe just coincidence.

I ended up getting this kitten, and named her Jeanie (who, like Sparky is also a geek and has her own blog at JeanieTheCat.com), also in honor of my mom and in a way to honor Sparky as this new one would be my magical little bundle of love (get it? Jeanie?)

Two weeks with this kitten and the personality has really come out. Rather quiet and shy until you really get her going and then she is the most playful and lovable kitten ever. Awwww!

Now, the thing that had me do a double take, sit, ponder, and think about it all again.

I was looking at Jeanie’s papers and she was born on the same day (just one year later) that my mother passed away on. Wow.

Coincidence? Who knows.

There are things that happen in this universe that we have no clue of. As humans, we once thought the earth was flat. We thought the sun moved around the earth. We thought thunder and lighting was from gods throwing lighting bolts because they were angry. We though the smallest particles of matter were made up of atoms that consisted of protons, neutrons, and electrons. We discover new things every day. I am not pompous enough to believe that we know everything about the world, the universe, about life and death. Who knows what’s out there and what affects what.

Coincidence or not, Jeanie’s birthday is very special to me. After my mother’s death and then Sparky’s death, I was beginning to hate October (even though my birthday and Halloween are in it). However, Jeanie’s birthday gives hope…the hope and reminder of life.

When this one particular day in October rolls around I will not fall into a depression thinking about my loss. I will think about the great things my mother has given me in my life and then I will pet Jeanie and celebrate her life too.

The easiest path isn’t always the best path in life though. If life was easy and we all got what we wanted, well, I can’t even imagine that so I’m not going to bother. We all know it’s not reality so why spend time on it?

Perhaps you’ve heard the poem “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost:

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

My point? Take the easy way out and not only do you miss out on something new, but life’s rewards are usually given when you stand up for what you believe in and what you want.

Here’s a simple analogy to that point…imagine you’re walking down a trail and you see some raspberry bushes. If it’s the easy trail, more than likely all the raspberries have been picked off. However, if you were to take the less traveled path, or even fighting your way through the briars and brambles, behold…you are rewarded with the big juicy berries. Yum!

Are you willing to fight for what you want? You know…it’s not always a “fight” but rather just standing up for what you believe it. You already stand up for your family, your spiritual beliefs, what foods you like or dislike, your favorites sports team, whatever the case may be. Apply this to all of life and you aren’t really fighting, you’re just being you.

Is it easy to follow your passions? Not always. Is it worth it? More than you can imagine.

Do you want to be a writer? An artist? Change careers? Do it. You may have to forgo  eating out every night or going to the movies but being who you really want to be is certainly worth the effort.

This is the perfect opportunity to rethink who you are and who you want to be. We’re being rocked by recession, there really is no “safe” path to follow. It’s time to evaluate things and go for it. What have you got to lose? Now…what have you got to gain?

Enjoy!

This thought occurred to me as I am house/dog sitting for a friend. I’ve owned dogs in the past but haven’t had one in a loooong long time. Watching his two dogs interact with each other and with me was interesting to say the least. Observing their various facial expressions based on what they’re wanting, observing how they act in different situations, and even observing my own behaviors based on their behavior. Fascinating. It reminded me of how much of my physical athletic ability has been attributed to observing cats and how they move, play, jump, etc.

That got me to thinking how we treat life. Some of us are observers, some of us aren’t. People may THINK they are observant but in all reality they are just cruising through life, paying minimal attention to what is perceived as necessary details to get them to the next step in their day but that’s about it. If people would actually pay attention and make observations, life would be very different.

As a good observer, you can observe the world around you and act accordingly. Observe how your significant other acts when you say or do certain things and watch your relationship grow. Observe how he/she reacts when you do certain things while being intimate and watch your intimacy grow. Observe how your coworkers respond to various situations and you’ll find yourself becoming a more important part of the company. Observe how your kids react to how you interact with them and you’ll see you can have a better understanding on how to raise them to be superb people. Observe how animals live and you’ll find yourself being faster, leaner, more flexible. The list goes on…

Take some time to perform a few simple exercises to get you to be an observer.

• When driving in the car, change the music to something completely opposite what you normally listen to. Try some heavy metal, try some classic. How does that affect your driving behaviors and your mood?
• Turn most of the lights out in the house after the sun goes down. Try keeping the house brightly lit until midnight. Notice any differences in your sleep schedule?
• Try smiling at everyone you walk past when you’re out? Do you observe more people smiling back and being friendly?
• Eat an apple inside. Now eat an apple outside. Notice a difference? Does it make you want to eat outdoors more?

There is an infinite amount of little things you can try here and there to notice how the world interacts with you and vice versa. Usually we’re too busy to even notice but if you begin to make an effort to actually observe actions and reactions, you’ll find yourself becoming more aware of who you are, who you want to me, and how you act. When you observe the world around you, when you observe how just one tiny seemingly inconsequential action can lead to something else, you see a whole new world opening up to you and begin to learn so much more in life.