Tonight it’s Halloween and I have to burn the midnight oil down in the torture chamber medical lab.  Despite the overtime, I still get to enjoy a sinfully delicious tipple.

This libation is a pure shot to the old noggin and side effects may include cranial hemorrhaging, psychotic episodes, and some bloody head banging…  Your prognosis?  Watch the video to find out…

P.S.  If your head is pounding the morning after here’s a few “tried and true”  hangover cures. The bacon one is THE best!

We caught a rather large and curious iguana get down and dirty at the Mayan Ruins in Tulum, Mexico.  Now, I know that it’s called “ruins” but c’mon, that’s not an excuse to defecate in public!  By the way,  anyone got a match?

For some, the terrible title of this video may conjure up blurred memories of  a spring break mishap (or two) in crazy Cancun.  For the rest of you pervs, get your dirty minds out of the gutter – that little crab is damn cute!

This short clip shot at the Hacienda Tres Rios resort down in sunny Playa del Carmen, Mexico.  I never thought my room key card could (or would) double as a life raft.

There’s nothing like perking up workweek doldrums than with a sexy tropical libation.   This cocktail comes by way of the beautiful country of Brazil.  It’ll have you lusting for that Girl from Ipanema frolicking on the beach with Gisele Bündchen in itsy bitsy Brazilian bikinis.  So what drink could sum up all this Brazilian sexiness in a glass?  Just Brazil’s national drink – the Caipirinha and her sexy little sis, Caipirissima.

This how-to is dedicated to the Caipirissima which is made with light rum rather than the Brazilian spirit Cachaça (which is used in a Caipirinha).  Like the Cuban Mojito (watch how to make a Mojito), this is also a muddled drink.  I go over the semantics in the video – guess you’ll just have to watch to learn more.  Saude and drink responsibly!

P.S. For those of you who enjoy a lush life, remember the Caipirinha / Caipirissima  isn’t just lime and sugar juice and downing too much may cause your motor skills to crash. If your lack of sobriety should result in a drunken stooper here’s a link to a few “tried and true” idiot friendly hangover cures. The bacon one is THE best!  

Ranting about Human RFID Implants to detect Swine FLU, More Taxes from the non-inflation-adjusted AMT, more bailouts for your protection, along with a bit of market insight to boot.  Music: “Noite de Carnaval” by HisBoyElroy

This recently posted video to YouTube by Ann a.k.a. Rockerchic4God describes the public credit crisis dilemma so well I had to post it here. She’s furious that Bank of America would jack up her credit card APR to over 30% despite no change in her credit rating, and no misses in payments. While Bank of America (and MANY OTHER BANKS mind you) were more than willing to accept government largess off the backs of hardworking Americans, they’ve turned around and jacked up rates on middle class debtors across the board to try and make up for all their solid risk management principles based on insane levels of leverage.

Her response is that if Bank of America doesn’t revert her credit card back to its previous rate, they’re not getting one more cent out of her. And she recommends that you do the same, especially if you do not own your own home or other major assets.

This “just walk away” attitude seems to be gaining traction among middle class slavesworkers who are hardest hit by a slithery cocktail of inflation and usurious interest rates that can be changed after the money has already been borrowed, at the whim of the lender without consequence. This attitude could gain traction as more mortgages continue to reset and employment continues to rise (just because people give up looking for a job doesn’t mean that unemployment drops – well, unless you’re the government looking to rig statistics just a wee bit more). The legal system won’t be able to do anything to stop it if tens of millions of people decide to stop paying their unsecured loans. And that’s the ultimate fear of the elite “powers that be” that they don’t want you to realize. If people band together for a just and fair cause against institutions and government that is corrupt to no end, only then can REAL CHANGE ever happen.

If you’re a vegan, or animal rights activist against seafood consumerism and consumption, now is the best time for you to click the back button on your browser and leave this how-to at once (but thanks for stopping by!).  Okay, so if you’re still reading this I assume you looovvee the mouth-watering and heavenly taste of a lobster tail lightly spritzed with tangy lemon juice and dunked in warm, drawn  butter.  If so, read and watch on my fellow lobster lovah!

The Obama Deception is a must-see film that completely destroys the myth that Barack Obama is working for the best interests of the American people.

The Obama phenomenon is a hoax carefully crafted by the captains of the New World Order. He’s been pushed as a savior in an attempt to con the American people into literally accepting global slavery.

We have reached a critical juncture in the New World Order’s plans. It’s not about Left or Right: it’s about a One World Government. The international banks plan to loot the people of the United States and turn them into slaves on a Global Plantation.

Around 44 minutes into the movie: What happened to all the promises of CHANGE by Obama, such as immediately ending the war in Iraq, outlawing secret arrests, ending the Patriot Act, ending government wiretapping, getting out of NAFTA and GATT, improving transparency, removing lobbyist conflicts-of-interest, or bringing all the criminal banksters responsible for the credit crisis to justice, to name just a few… Regarding the war, he’s actually planning to add more troops to Afghanistan! And we won’t even begin discussing the outrageous Health Care bill which amounts to a complete government takeover of just about everything related to health care.

The truth is that Obama is just one more pawn, just like Bush and many presidents before him, in a larger global agenda. Learn the true backgrounds of the many cabinet members he assigned to power – many who were already part of previous democratic and republican presidential administrations. So much for CHANGE…

Another Saturday and another seriously sexy libation: the Mojito. Guess what? It’s so easy to make that it’s certain to wow that “special someone”. Even Napoleon Dynamite will be jealous of your super domesticated-like skills. And ya know the best part? It’ll take you about five minutes to prepare and the ingredients won’t cost mucho dinero. This refreshing tropical drink comes from Cuba and has been a hit seen the 16th century. After all, it’s a sexy gentleman’s drink that both James Bond and Ernest Hemingway favored! So, now it’s time for you to get in the kitchen, bathtub, your car, under your office desk or wherever it is you get on your down and dirty drink mojo. Salud and drink responsibly!

P.S. For those of you who enjoy a lush life, remember Mojitos aren’t just mint, lime and sugar juice and downing too much may cause your motor skills to crash. If your lack of sobriety should result in a drunken stooper here’s a link to a few “tried and true” idiot friendly hangover cures. The bacon one is THE best!  For those of you who prefer your beverages sans alcohol, the Mojito makes for a delicious virgin cocktail too!

Canadian Millionaire Ryan Jenkins seemingly had it all: a buxom trophy wife, Jasmine Fiore, financial wealth and newly found reality t.v. fame. What went wrong?

The hunt for the alleged millionaire turned reality television star turned alleged murderer is now over.  Ryan Jenkins, the ex-hubby of murdered swimsuit model, Jasmine Fiore, has been found dead.  Jenkins, 32, a native Canadian was found hanged by his belt on a coat rack in a small room at the Thunderbird Motel in Hope, British Columbia.  Officials believe Jenkins death is a suicide.  The word on the street is that a wholesome-looking 20-something blonde accompanied Jenkins to the motel.  The young hottie checked in with the motel’s front desk while Jenkins waited in his car.  However, the mystery blonde was M.I.A. at the time Jenkins’ body was discovered.  Really, this scandal is above and beyond the staged bizarro of  a reality melodrama and has developed into a sleazy Hollywood murder mystery.

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It’s kind of ironic how Martha Stewart became the poster child for cracking down on insider trading activity, even though it was never even proven or substantiated.  For those of you that remember the movie Airplane with Leslie Nielsen, it reminds me of the scene where the police officers detain the little old lady while allowing a dozen terrorists to walk right through the security gate armed with bazookas.  Now with Goldman Sachs, we’re faced with likely the greatest inside information and market manipulation scheme of all time — way larger than the usual trading on inside information that seems to go on every day in the markets.  And once again, I doubt a single one of the people responsible will end up in jail over it (let alone receive anything much more than a slap on the wrist, if that).  More likely, it’ll be brushed under the rug with the rest of the manure and never heard of again.  But should we really expect anything different from our government, which at this point exists as little more than a taxpayer-subsidized wholly-owned subsidiary of Goldman Sachs?!  Shhhh, thou shalt not use the lordGoldman’s name in vain!

It was also quite telling that Goldman was able to have the FBI detain their programmer Sergey Aleynikov within a day’s notice on charges that the theft of their code was an issue of national security as it could enable others to manipulate the markets.  Of course, I’m sure that’s not what Goldman would be using it for (uh huh)…  But I suppose that the Plunge Protection Team a.k.a. Goldman Sachs does require “special access” to the markets to do its job and assure it stays in the black (and then sooooome).

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Liskula Cohen has won a lawsuit against Google and the identity of anonymous name-calling blogger. Conversely, model Jasmine Fiore has lost her life for presumably more than cyber smack talk.

This week has been quite the week for models in the press. One rightfully deserving the attention and the other probably not. We’ll start with the “probably not” because the supercilious one is so much more fun!

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The sex tape was a wash-up but hopefully you'll find this illustration to be a fun splash. One thing is certain - whatever is going on above beats "three men in a tub". Rub-a-Dub-Dub, baby! Composite art by Michelle.

The month of August typically brings heat, bothersome humidity and media doldrums. It’s been quite some time since a steamy celebrity sex tape hit the Internet and today was no exception.  Recently, Gawker.com published a censored version of a “sex tape” starring Grey’s Anatomy star, Eric Dane (along with his anatomy), his wife former Noxema girl, Rebecca Gayheart and former beauty queen turned wanna-be Heidi Fleiss, Kari Ann Periche. I use quotations loosely around sex tape because although there is nudity (refer to Fleshbot.com’s version) there wasn’t much sex….or any remotely interesting happenings. I retract that statement. There was some hot fondling of rubber duckies dipping underwater during the “bathtub scene” along with the use of questionable contraband. Oh, yeah and one chick’s alter ego is named “Nina” and the dude is Peter Cocaine Cowboy or something another.  Giddy-up!!!

It seems like this celeb erotic film of late has lost a stiff wind in its sail (well, a stiff anything).  And this uneventful one may leaves its stars all washed up and high and dry.

P.S. Unfortunately the released sex footage was a boring bust so I felt compelled to make it up to you dear readers with the above Photoshopped pièce de résistance.  Enjoy!

Last week on a whim, I tried something new.  I created a how-to video for an easy-to-make and delicious summer refreshment: Watermelon Lemonade.  To my surprise, many of you dear viewers/readers (by the way, thank you for watching!) expressed that you’d like another chilled libation for this weekend.

Just in time to kick off your Saturday is a seriously sexy Strawberry Sangria that’s sure to get you laid.  Ok, that’s pushing it.  However, it’s certain to wow that “special someone”.  Even Napoleon Dynamite will be jealous of your super domesticated-like skills.  And ya know the best part?  It’ll take you about five minutes to prepare and doesn’t cost mucho dinero.  Even better, now you know what to do with that half-bottle of blush wine that was sorta going funky in the fridge.  So, it’s time for you to get in the kitchen, bathtub, your car, under your office desk or wherever it is you get on your down and dirty drink mojo.  Salud and drink responsibly!

P.S.  For those of you who enjoy a lush life, remember Sangria isn’t fruit punch and too much may cause your motor skills to crash.  If your lack of sobriety should result in a drunken stooper here’s a link to a few “tried and true” idiot friendly hangover cures.  The bacon one is THE best!

Wow, the warm months are really flying by and two of my favorite summer perrenials are watermelon and lemonade.  This is my first how-to video (well, one that’s NOT a parody) – it’s easy to make (hopefully!), tastes yummy and even yummier when you throw back some vodka with it.  For those of you watermelon lushies who enjoy the hard version of this drink, be advised it’s NOT just fruit juice.  If your lack of sobriety should result in a drunken stooper here’s a link to a few “tried and true” idiot friendly hangover cures.  The bacon one is THE best!

P.S. Almost forgot my little legal disclaimer mumbo jumbo.  Please be advised that the hard version is for the 21+ crowd (if you’re in the States).  Younger viewers/readers elsewhere in the world – party on!

It’s always fascinating how many people will waste hours upon hours arguing for something such as the national healthcare plan without having bothered to spend 5 minutes reading even one page of the actual bill. Of course, when people don’t even care when their own politicians admit that it’s too much trouble to actually take the time to try and understand it, perhaps people deserve what’s coming to them. According to democrat John Conyers of Michigan, “What good is reading the bill if it’s a thousand pages and you don’t have two days and two lawyers to find out what it means after you read the bill?” This guy is chairman of the House Judiciary Committee.

And have you ever noticed that those who endorse higher taxes never seem to be the ones who bother to actually pay them? Consider the odd case of democrat Charlie Rangel, chairman of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee. He’s leading the charge for a new 5.4% income tax surcharge and recently called it “the moral thing to do.” Ironically, this comes from a politician who has more blatant outstanding tax evasion issues — 6 investigations so far and counting! — than our Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner himself. From violating rent-control rules to hiding rental income to tax evasion, one wonders how Rangel has any time to do perform his duties of serving the people…  Serving them with more crappy bills and exorbitant taxes that is.

So, for anyone set on the terrific merits of the ObamaCare healthcare bill, let me help you out with some specific points and details directly from the bill, page numbers included. Mind you, these are just a few of my favorite points from the bill (as compiled by Peter Fleckenstein):

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Most traders and investors at one time or another have fallen into the “confidence” trap. Sometimes it’s a result of believing in the infallibility of their research. Other times it’s due to having a presumed “hot” hand — they’ve finally got the game figured out and can do no wrong. Maybe they’ve gotten caught up with some hot new money-minting trading system with a great historical track record. Or perhaps they’ve been drawn in by someone else’s hot streak, in a chat room for instance (novice traders, trying to skip a few steps, are notorious for succumbing to this). All the calls turn out great, and even the fundamental and technical research that’s shared always seems right on the money. However, up to that point they’ve just watched –- and they’re kicking themselves for missing out on yet another huge gain. Let’s take our fictional trader and call him Bernie.

Bernie decides he’s not going to miss out on the next opportunity that comes up. When the next “hot stock” is revealed, it happens to be a stock that he himself already had on his radar. The additional research backs up his conviction. Everything seems right, and the stock appears perfectly poised for a huge move. Bernie’s confidence level for the trade is higher than ever. Forget about what he can afford to lose, this is the trade that’ll make his year!

Bernie decides to accumulate a position much larger than normal — 3 times as large in fact, equating to about a quarter of his total account size. At first, all seems to be working out great and the trade has even moved a nice 5% in his favor. Two days later however, he wakes up to find the stock down 25%, blowing right through any stop levels he may have considered. The company out of the blue announced a dilutive secondary offering to “better take advantage of opportunities that may become available” or some other similar mumbo-jumbo.

Bernie feels caught, but he figures the big picture still hasn’t really changed, and that prices should find support around the offering price. In fact, he decides to double his position around the offering price if he can. The company’s valuation seems cheaper than ever, and the company will now have even more cash to materialize its goals.

However, as the price continues to drop, Bernie starts to wonder… More investors, increasingly disgusted by the management’s apparent lack of regard for their investing well-being, decide to throw in the towel. By the end of the week, the stock is down another 38% just from the offering price! The same stock that traders and investors all loved at $9 just a few days earlier, they now hate at $5. Even those investors who bought into the secondary are feeling completely betrayed.

Ironically, if the research and valuations are accurate, the stock should be more attractive than ever at these levels. Of course, it doesn’t matter anymore, as most traders (including our newbie trader Bernie) decided to throw in the towel as the stock sells off in a panic around $4/share leaving Bernie with a whopping 44% account loss (requiring a 125% increase in account value just to reach breakeven). Several days later, the stock is trading back around its offering price. How’s that for the perfect reaming. Bernie feels crushed, blames the guy in the chat room for putting out such a horrible call, and calls him a fraud despite the fact that all his other picks turned out pretty well.

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If you spent a million dollars a day since the birth of Christ, it still wouldn’t even amount to ONE trillion dollars.  However, a series of bailouts, bank rescues and other economic lifelines could end up costing the federal government as much as $23 trillion, the U.S. government’s watchdog over the effort says – a staggering amount that is nearly double the nation’s entire economic output for a year, with our most recent GDP figures coming in just over $14 trillion.

That’s more than the total amount spent by the U.S. on all the wars it has ever spent, even accounting for inflation. By comparison, going to the moon in 1969 cost an estimated $237 billion in current dollars, and the entire Depression-era Roosevelt relief program came in at $500 billion (according to Jim Bianco of Bianco Research).

These figures are considered worst-case scenarios, and that’s where we find the most humorous part of this story. According to Treasury spokesman Andrew Williams, “The $23.7 trillion estimate generally includes programs at the hypothetical maximum size envisioned when they were established.  It was never likely that all these programs would be ‘maxed out’ at the same time.”

That’s interesting… I mean, what are the odds that something like this could ever happen?! Somehow the universe likes to test us on the one in a billion odds that everything will likely happen at the same time, especially where money is concerned. Perhaps that’s because when you combine monetary weapons of mass destruction such as huge leverage, unlimited reckless spending, wild levels of borrowing, and a non-stop printing press, history has proven over and over again that there is always a day of reckoning, usually triggered by a single event that causes all the other dominoes to collapse one after the other in a giant waterfall-type debacle.

But once it’s here, watch for all the news stories blaming speculators, or republicans, or democrats, or the rich, or the Chinese, or whoever else would make a good target for finger-pointing away from those who are always responsible.  The real culprits usually include most politicians (democrats and republicans), along with the secret group of people you’ll never hear about who control them through bribes lobbying, favors, or simply because they are too powerful, wealthy, and politically well-connected to risk alienating.

If the democrats screw things up, the republicans will come in and continue the same ‘ole game.  When they screw up, it goes right back to the same few democrats that are once again presented to the public for “consideration”.  And thus the circle of destruction continues, with no one having any accountability beyond their ability to slip past the next election.

Don’t worry, though, the odds that all their shenanigans backfiring on us all at the same time is virtually nil.  Just like when Ben Bernanke flat out told us that he had no doubt the subprime crisis would be easily contained, with little spillover or no to other areas of the economy.  Uh oh, I suppose “virtual nil” still means there is a chance…

The Declaration of Independence by John Trumbull (1795). Trumbull's famous painting is often identified as a depiction of the signing of the Declaration, but it actually shows the drafting committee presenting its work to the Congress.

It’s always wise to remember the price people paid to provide us with so many of the freedoms that we take completely for granted today. Especially in these times when our civil rights are being stripped away one after another by the government “elite” all in the name of protecting us from terrorists, banksters, panics, and ponzi schemes often created and orchestrated by those same people behind the scenes. Bernie Madoff has been given 150 years in jail for orchestrating a huge ponzi scheme. But who will go to jail when the greatest ponzi schemes of all time go bust? Who will pay when the monetary system collapses into hyperinflation and the social security and medicare systems collapse altogether? Instead, they’ll probably give the same people who helped cause the problems kudos for “saving” us from the mess, along with a few more trillion dollars of some new currency to help “save us” from themselves…

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Tickets to attend Jackson's memorial service circus will have fans shelling out more than mere peanuts.

Update:  Tickets are free via online lottery.  Over 1.6 million people registered for the chance to receive one of the 17,500 free tickets.

The King of Pop is dead but the “Wacko” media circus is alive and well! Radaronline.com posted on their blog today that Michael Jackson’s memorial service will be held at the Staples Center in Los Angeles next Tuesday, July 7th.

Michael Jackson’s father Joe Jackson is said to be in charge of this Hollywierd extravaganza, milking his cash cow of a son, even in death. The two hour long service will have many superstars in attendance. However, Jacko’s fans will have to shell out a lot more than mere peanuts to attend this memorial circus. The nosebleed seats are set to have a nauseating ticket price: a whopping twenty-five clams a pop. M.J. merchandise not included! Gotta love show biz – it’s oh so clASSy!

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Michael Jackson may have been the "King of Pop" and a proud Poppa but he didn't pop out one of his own. Who'd a spunk it!

Not even a week after Michael Jackson’s sudden passing and the tributes have already begun to wane and make way for a full on Thriller of a media Freak Show.  With an estate possibly worth a billion dollars in question (minus the $400 million dollars of reported debt), and three young children survived by Michael, more of MJ’s biological skeletons may be rattling out of his chateau-sized closet.

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Happy Eighth Birthday Sasha Obama! Hope it was a big splash!

President Obama is not only an exemplary politician but also a role model of a father.  In a news article published in the Baltimore Sun yesterday, Barack emphasized the importance of maintaining a normal family life in his White House by making his young daughters’ schedules a priority on his to do list.  In fact, so much so that the Prez was quoted as saying, “You know, we had travel. I had to go to Normandy. And then the girls had, Sasha had her birthday party here, and she was flying folks in for a pool party. So, really, it revolves around the girls’ social schedule.”

According to Blackcelebkids.com, Sasha O.’s eighth birthday was a full four day fête (June 7^th – 10^th) while living it up in Paris, France and London, England (even closing tourist hotspot Westminster Abbey!) and according to Dad, a pool party at the White House.  That’s quite some birthday for an eight-year-old!  Next year’s decadent festivities may have to top Paris Hilton’s twenty-first bday debauchery.

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Photo art by Michelle.

The economy might be in the can but all hail the Commander of Cheese!

Inarguably, the current state of the economy is grim if not hopeless. Economic forecasters expect unemployment numbers to continue to rise. For those of you fretting over a pink slip fear not! Entrepreneurism in the fast food industry is alive and well in the greater Washington D.C. metro area. If you’re just a short drive from the District, consider cashing in a last unemployment check, tying on an apron and start flippin’ burgers. Say what?! Yup, flipping burgers for the politicos along the Potomac is the new cash cow. Should Prez Obama and entourage stop in at your greasy spoon for a bite the overnight over lunch publicity could have you bringing home the bacon.

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Updated – Just a month after Donald Trump held a press conference and announced his benevolent decision to keep Carrie Prejean and her admirable breasts crowned as Miss California, this afternoon the Donald revoked his choice.  First Runner Up, Miss Malibu Tami Farrell is now the reigning Miss California.

Rumor is that Miss Prejean’s ego got carried away as she refused to attend nearly thirty events as Miss California.  Keith Lewis, the Executive Director of the Miss California USA pageant stated that Prejean was dethroned due to “…contract violations including Ms. Prejean’s unwillingness to make appearances on behalf of the Miss California USA organization.”. Can’t imagine that Perez Hilton would be at each and every one with a mob of angry Prop 8 protestors?!  However, in a phone interview for TMZ.com Prejean claimed that Lewis tried to pimp her out to Playboy magazine for a $140,000 semi-nude gig.  It’s understandable that a devout Christian gal might take offense to such an offer.  Getting paid six figures to pose parially naked?!!!  Sweet Jesus! Can’t blame the pageant for wanting to cash in on a Playboy spread.  After all, they want and expect a return on their breast augmentation investment.

Miss Prejean’s former modeling agent, Francine Champagne of Visions Model Management in Los Angeles said of Prejean, “I just felt like she was a little nutty and I’d rather not represent someone with that mind frame and I just think she is a problem, and I did not feel that she was of the utmost professionalism and she did not follow through on her side of the bargain so therefore we decided to cut our losses and let her go.”. Even the Donald was quoted as saying “To me she was the sweetest thing. Everyone else — she treated like s**t.”.

Judging by those few statements Carrie is either difficult to work with OR someone who really does stand her ground.  Miss Prejean certainly has a talent for commanding press and a captivated audience – there’s probably more of her to come.  So, what will it be next for the former beauty queen…a possible stint on Celebrity Apprentice?  She’s got the hook up in the bag.

Judging by the model's shocked expression, she thinks Cimbalo is so wrong it's wrong. Or, this fine filly is rearing to go for Regis Philbin. Giddy-up!

Once upon a time, savvy, straight men and open-minded women blew their horns that they read the mainstream men’s magazine, Playboy, for its highly informative articles.  Then came yesterday, a now infamous day in misogynistic publishing (well, at least for the past twenty-four hours) when a blowhard writer hater by the name of Guy Cimbalo informed blue-balled web denizens of the ten conservative women he’d like to “hate fuck”.  After that statement, Playboy’s few remaining readers might  want to fess up that they subscribe just to ogle naughty and ridiculously retouched pictures.

Yes, I’m aware that Playboy is a 2-D shrine to boobs, but I’m still confused as to how they got an insolent boob to write for them.  To top that off, they even got a boob editor who gave the okay!  This “list” of hateful drivel isn’t in the least bit informative, funny, witty, clever or entertaining.  If anything it’s an outrageous embarrassment to liberals of both sexes, and beats the pitiful code of ethics boasted by drunken New Jersey frat boys.  Mr. Cimbalo (and I use the title “Mr.” with unadulterated sarcasm) is entitled to disagree with these women’s political opinions and overall ideology.  But to suggest “hate fucking” them is downright deplorable. Such language suggests sexual torment, humiliation and battery.  “Hate fuck” equates to “love to rape”.

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