When people try to tell me I’m saying something I’m not.  When they refuse to hear what I’ve actually said and, instead, decide what they think I said and then try to tell me they’re right and I’m wrong.

Dude.  Shut the fuck up. *I’m* the one who said it.  I think I know what I said and what I mean.

If I say that you can be a safer driver by taking a defensive driving class, I probably mean you can be a safer driver by taking a defensive driving class, not that it was your fault some asshole rear ended you fourteen years ago, causing you untold amounts of trauma.  If you choose to take it any other way, if you choose to HEAR “you’re an unsafe driver and it’s your own fault some asshole rear ended you” that is not my fucking problem.  If you choose to hear “anyone who gets in an accident is probably dumb and can’t drive” it’s your fucking problem, not mine – cuz that’s not what I said, not what I meant.

And if you go around telling OTHER people I said something I didn’t?  You’re a fucking cow.  Feel free to repeat that one.

I’ve said it before but it’s on my mind again so I’ll repeat it.

I do not have a clue what sub space is.  I’ve never been there.  I’ve never felt it.  I don’t really believe it exists.  A gazillion people can tell me how it feels and that they’ve felt it and maybe they have but, for me, it’s the Easter Bunny.

Not really real.

I do not process pain like most people, maybe.  I am too in control of my mind and body, maybe.

I don’t know.

All I know is even what I do get out of pain play is getting harder and harder to reach, harder and harder to attain, harder and harder to even catch a glimpse of.

I understand endorphins and adrenaline rushes.  I’ve gotten high as a kite from having multiple piercings done in a single sitting.  It’s, for me, the same as a heavy work out or the after effects of a fist fight or even figuring out a huge mental challenge.  That is not the place I’m looking to go when I stand under the whip.  It’s far too powerful a place.

What I get out of pain is something much different than that.  It’s about the absolute loss of power and control, the absolute surrender of my body and mind, the breaking down of my body to the point of not being able to endure any more, to the point of complete powerlessness, of exhaustion, of yielding, of defeat.

Yes. Defeat.  I want to be defeated in mind, body, spirit.  I want everything I hold tight within the walls of my skin, all the emotion, the stress, the pain, the joy, the anger,  the boredom, the love, the control over myself…  I want it all to be beaten out of me, let go, like the marks on my flesh are a release valve that allows me to let everything just GO, to empty myself and feel reborn.

I’m finding, the longer I do this, the harder it gets to get to that place.

It takes very specific things to do it, specific kinds of pain.  Stingy pain and surface pain just makes me mad, then makes me cry, then makes me sob, then I’m done.  It’s too fast, it’s not deep enough.  He can whack me with hands and canes and whips hard and fast and break me down to the point where I’m done within 20 minutes. But I’m not where I need to be, I’m just stunned and unable to process any more sensation or pain.

Thuddy pain just makes me laugh.  Or stand there bored.  Sometimes, Taylor is hitting me so hard and so deep with the floggers that he’s sweating from head to toe.  He’s running across the room at me, putting all he has into it and I’m just like…  ”ow?”  He gets worn out well before I’m anywhere even close to where I want or need to be, where he wants or needs to take me.  I can stand under the punch of a thuddy flogger for two hours and not shed a tear, not feel any shift at all in my emotions.

What works best is a combo of these two types of pain, drawn out for a fairly long time, mixed with words and displays of power that reinforce, in my mind, my own powerlessness.

We’re struggling, a lot, to figure out how to get it right these days.

After so long, I’ve taken so much that the only ways to ramp it up a notch are not…  safe.  Are probably beyond not safe and border on harmful.

We struggle, too, with our own differences in what we want and need.  Taylor is a get where you want to go fast kind of guy.  Draw stuff out too long and he’s bored and thinking about something else.  Me, if you go too fast, I just shut down.  When we were new, it was easy.  My tolerance was much lower and I broke down more easily. Now it takes so much more that we’re both kind of bored before we ever get there.  We’re kind of out of step, out of sync.

I’m babbling and not really making any sense and have gone, I think, off track from where I started and where I intended to go.

All I know is I’m sitting here, bruised all to fuck – back, butt – with welts and marks galore and the thrill feels gone.

Part of it, I know, is our community here.  I’ve said it before but most of our major playing is done in public because we don’t have the space for it at home.  And, in public, here…  it’s hard to really do what we want to do cuz no one quite gets it and it feels awkward and “too much”.  Everyone here is sort of slap and tickle or stand and model or bedroom kink  or…  I dunno.  Not much in the way of power exchange relationships so all the play around us has a total different energy.

People are all spacey and smiley when they’re done playing or giggling and comparing bruises.  My fantasies and needs run more toward a torture scene than “The Secretary”.

I dunno.

I need a vacation.  We need some time alone, with space and privacy.

And, yeah, this totally went off in the wrong direction.  Now I’ve depressed myself!  Not really, since I know we’ll figure it out, get back in tune with each other, get where we need to go and be fine…  just waiting for it is hard, sometimes.

Time for a bath.

Comments

• July 26, 2010, Tweets that mention Out of Sync « A View from the Floor -- Topsy.com writes: [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by CarrieAnn , CarrieAnn . CarrieAnn said: Out of Sync - http://b2l.me/acn4Bg [...]

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Yes, another sensual product. Another body powder/honey dust/lickable/edible thing.  What can I say? I’m an addict.

This time it’s Lust Dust, from Good Vibes.  Lust Dust comes in two flavors – Honey Vanilla and Chocolate Strawberry.  Since I’m not a fan of chocolate, I got the Honey Vanilla.

It comes in a wee little tub – .7 oz, to be exact – that is just the right size to slip into your bag, purse, etc.  Great for travel or a hot date but not the greatest for at home use.

I mean, it works at home just as well as on the go but I do wish they made a bigger container. :(

Size aside, Lust Dust is a really good lickable body powder.

The little tub comes with a twist off cover, under which you will find a holed cover over the powder (like with face powder or the top of a baby powder container) that allows a small amount of product out and prevents spilling of the whole thing if you tip it.  Also a wee, tiny, adorable powder puff the size of a half dollar.

While not as nice for teasing as the traditional feather applicators that come with this type of product, the puff actually works quite well to apply.  It dusts you lightly, just enough to be kissable, not enough to be full of chalky mess.

The powder is light, like super sifted flour, and very sweet smelling.  It absolutely smells like honey and vanilla; soft and sugary and traditional vanilla only with a bit of depth from the honey scent.  Ingredients are simple; cornstarch, sucrose and flavor.

Use care around the vaginal area as it’s possible that sucrose can cause yeast infections but, other than that, use this everywhere.  It tastes good, smells good and does a fairly good job keeping you dry and making your skin feel velvety without clumping or getting sticky.

A great way to taste as good as you smell and inspire a little oral lovin’.

Thanks to Good Vibes for letting me review it!

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Overall?  I’m quite glad I did.  Is it the best toy EVER?  No.  But, you know what?  It’s a really decent vibrator.

The Flirty G I received is an ocean blue color.  It’s soft, squishy TPR (thermoplastic rubber) with a whole lot of flop and… well… squishy, jelly feel to it.  The head is flat and long and, despite the floppyness, really rubs my g-spot quite well.  The shaft is short, only 3 inches long with a 1 inch diameter.  It’s small and unobtrusive and really excellent for a first time dual stimulator.  The clitoral stimulator is not like that of a rabbit vibe but is more of a clitoral ledge, covered with soft nubbies that feel really good mushed up against the clit.

The best thing about the material actually is it’s floppyness.  You can bend, maneuver, tilt, tip, and crank this baby in whatever direction you need to in order to get it to hit your spots well.

The Flirty G runs on two AA batteries, has a twist off battery cover and a push button control.  It does have an o-ring seal so it’s water resistant for cleaning (soap and water) but not waterproof for tub use.  The control is easy to use, simply keep pressing the button to scroll thru 3 levels of steady vibration and 6 pretty nifty levels of patterns. Use any lube you like, this one can take both water and silicone based.

Again, in general, this vibe really worked well for me.  It’s not my favorite but I’ll absolutely use it again and again.  It’s just so simple, so easy, so squishy and comfy.  It kind of takes me back to the days before I’d tried Elevens and Inas and Vixskin and Jimmyjane.

It’s cheap, effective and does the job – quite quickly!

Do remember that TPR is porous so you shouldn’t share this unless you use a toy cover or condom and that it will eventually break down.  Store in a baggie or something so it’s not rubbing against your other toys and keep out of intense heat.

Thank you very much to the folks over at Good Vibes for letting me try this. Sometimes we find a really good, solid sex toy when we’re least expecting it!

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“…men, taken as they ARE, (meaning realizing they don’t think, act or behave like women and appreciating that difference) were all but forgotten [in feminism] and for that I can’t reconcile it.”

I apologize for not attributing the author but, in this instance, it doesn’t really matter who wrote it and I really don’t want them coming under attack for their sentiments, so let’s focus on the words not the who.

This idea – and the fact that it is so violently opposed – is exactly why I’ve been chafing over so much I read online lately, particularly in the sex blogging scene.

Men and women are different.

They look differently.  They think differently.  They smell differently.  They move differently.  They react differently.  They express emotions differently.  They kiss differently, fuck differently.

Men and women are different.

I do not, can not, understand why the trend is to expect men to behave only in ways that are “acceptable” rather than embracing the wonderful differences between the sexes.

When a male oriented site talks about “women” they get bashed for lumping all women together, for expecting women to behave a certain way, for stereotyping.

When men try to tell women how they should act, dress, behave, have sex…  whatever…  they are displaying their sense of entitlement, condoning the societal rules handed down by “the man”, “the patriarchy”.

And yet…

It is okay, somehow, for women to tell men what they should feel, how they should act, how the should react, how they should behave, dress, talk, look, fuck, whatever.

Fact is, it’s not.

Fact is, we’re different.

And while I am all for choice and equality, including the choice to live in an unequal relationship dynamic,  I am utterly against the way most perceive this.

Equality means EQUAL – not that you get to turn the tables and direct men as to how they should be.

Men are men.  I like men.  I like the inherent differences between men and women.  I enjoy the way men think and talk and smell and kiss and act and react.  I enjoy men.

Let’s start remembering it’s about being equal, not the same.  Choice, not force.

You get to choose the people you associate with.  You do not get to choose how everyone should BE.

Comments

• July 23, 2010, Laurel writes: It will come as no surprise that I couldn't agree more. I like men because they are different and really, I don't want them to be more sensitive and less hairy and ... whatever. I like women for being women and men for being men and think everybody should try a little harder to "be the change" rather than "force the change."
• July 23, 2010, Tweets that mention You? Do not get to redefine equality. « A View from the Floor -- Topsy.com writes: [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by CarrieAnn , Alisha & Brett. Alisha & Brett said: RT @CarrieAnn_: You? Do not get to redefine equality. - http://b2l.me/ab7anz [...]
• July 23, 2010, adriana writes: I really haven't seen many feminists trying to argue that there are not differences between men and women. That would be silly. There are differences but feminism tends to take a look at whether those different are always legit. Of course, some differences are only social constructs of gender but society has also reacted to the natural strengths and weaknesses of either gender. I think it's interesting when people challenge those constructs because some of the differences we have come to accept as natural may not be healthy. That isn't to say that some of the natural differences between men and women are wrong, either. But just because something is natural doesn't make it awesome. Man or woman, we could all use a little improvement. I think that to be an extremist on either side (omg there are differences and you can never challenge them/omg there are no differences at all) is to be pretty closed minded.

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So, yes, I avoid reviewing BDSM gear pretty much like the plague, because it is very, very hard for me to be fair.

For some reason I really wanted to try these Heart 2 Heart cuffs when Babeland offered them, though.  I was insanely curious because they look really nice in the pictures and are insanely affordable at the same time.

So I risked it.

The verdict?

If you don’t have cuffs but are interested – BUY THEM.  Even if you do have cuffs but are less than satisfied with what you already own – BUY THEM.  If you have cuffs that are uncomfortable or rough inside – BUY THESE.

They cannot be beat for the price.

Seriously.

Now I’m not going to say they can’t be broken or pulled apart.  I’ve managed to get out of, break and fuck up a LOT of cuffs.  Anything can be broken.  But these are really, really well made.

They’re both stitched and riveted so they hold up to some pretty intense tugging.

They’re leather which is amazing at this price and they’re not cheap, thin leather, either.  They’re fairly thick, yet luxuriously soft and comfortable.  There are no rough edges.  The lining inside is as soft as the outside.  And the colors are gorgeous.  The black is deep and intense, the red bright and true.

The buckles are secure and easy to use, the straps have holes that make these easily worn by just about anyone.

I wouldn’t hang someone from the ceiling by them but for a set of standard leather cuffs, these are pretty freaking amazing.

Thanks, Babeland!

Comments

• July 23, 2010, Rockin' With a Cock in writes: So glad you liked them, too :) I really love mine. That's really cool that Taylor makes bdsm gear. I don't know why I hadn't noticed that you didn't do bdsm equipment reviews. I'm glad you "risked it"! Hehe...

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Metal toys are all kinds of wonderful; firm, unyielding, excellent for g-spotting, fantastic for temperature play and so, so easy to keep clean.

This time I’m reviewing the Tantus Alumina Revolve, which is an anodized aluminum dildo in the coolest shade of purple.

Anodized aluminum is strong and heavy, think airplane aluminum rather than pop can.  It’s smooth.  It’s sleek.  It’s frictionless.  And it feels so, so good.

The Revolve is, like all the Alumina line, dual sided.  It measures in at 8 inches long with a diameter of 1 3/8 inches.  The center of the dildo is split by a silicone o-ring that can be felt in use but is not obtrusive.  It really just adds a bit of texture and, honestly?  I rarely get it inserted that deeply anyhow.  If I feel it, I feel it on my labia or vaginal entrance, not all deep inside.

The reason for this o-ring is that the Revolve’s two halves screw apart – and can be screwed together with OTHER Alumina line pieces.  So if you have two or three of them, you can make all sorts of interesting combinations for sensual delight.  It’s freaking awesome, man.  Combing the Flow and Motion with the Revolve gives you many, many different possibilities and sensations.

But back to the Revolve itself.

This dildo is rounded and bloopy all over.  One side has a moderately sized rounded tip and a straight shaft, excellent for a popping feeling and for g-spot stimulation.  The other side is a gradually growing series of bloops, starting small and ending at around 1.5″ inches in diameter.  Excellent for those who like a bit of texture when thrusting.  You can absolutely feel each bloop, especially upon insertion.

Though not necessarily anal safe, it should be okay if someone else is doing the driving and has a good grip.  The toy does flare and is quite long, hence unlikely to slide all the way into your ass, but use caution.  Accidents do happen and this doesn’t have a true tapered, safe base.

The coolest thing about the Alumina toys, for me, is the way they respond to temperature.  At room temp, they feel cool and smooth.  You can cool them down further with ice or cold water and insertion is so amazing when you do.  Sensual and unique but not painfully cold.  As the dildo warms up to body temperature, it actually begins to feel hot, so much hotter than you expect, so much hotter than silicone or other soft materials, even hotter than glass or stainless.  It’s amazing.

While I like the Revolve best for internal light thrusting and g-spot stimulation, you can also use it,and it’s neat temperature changes, to tease the outer parts of the vagina or even for all over body teasing.  It’s cool weight makes it nice even for rolling it along the back as a sort of massage, especially in this heat!

Because it’s metal, you can wash it pretty much any way you want, even boil or bleach it. Just don’t use abrasive cleaners or you may scratch it.

Any lube is fine, too!

Thanks, as always, to the excellent folks at Vibrator.com for letting me review this.  It’s absolutely one of my favorite toys and I am intensely grateful!

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I bet you’re wondering why so many, huh?  Is it because they break easily?  Nope.  It’s because a) I’ve found all four I’ve owned vary in strength a bit and that puzzles me enough to make me want another every time I’m offered, to see where it will fall in the strength range and because b) I keep giving them away to my non vibrator owning, nervous about sex toys friends.

Yes, they love them – and me!

The thing about the Laya Spot is it’s so non threatening and yet so effective.  It’s made from Elastomer and plastic, both non porous materials.  It runs on two small AAA batteries yet is plenty strong enough for most users.  It’s ergonomically curved to both fit well in the hand and to cup the vulva as its rounded tip rests on the clitoris and labia.

It’s truly one of the most perfect vibrators ever, for nearly any level of user.  It’s a clitoral vibe, however, so don’t plan on using it for insertion. There are much better options for that.

The Laya Spot comes in a variety of colors.  My latest is a really pretty chocolate brown and cream but it also comes in wild and playful color combos.  It is splashproof so you can easily clean it under running water or take it in the shower with you.  Don’t fully submerge it, though, and be sure to open it up and make sure it’s dry when you’re done.  If it got wet inside at all, remove the batteries and let it air dry before you put it away or use it again.  I’ve yet to have one leak, though.

It has multiple levels of steady vibrations, starting at a super low and deep rumble, moving up to an intense but slightly more buzzy buzz.  It also has three patterns of vibration – all pulsing, starting with slow and working up to fast.  Controls are a press button minus and plus sign situated on the top of the toy.  Pressing the plus turns it on (and it glows red behind the buttons when on) and turns it up, holding the plus starts patterns.  Pressing and holding the minus takes you back to steady vibes, then down in intensity, then finally off.  Pressing and holding the minus button for a few seconds at any time will turn Laya off for you so it’s pretty discreet if you need easy on/off.

Laya Spot is also quiet.  Not silent, but certainly quite than most vibes.  You can barely hear it if you’re under the covers.

Overall, this is one of the best vibrators on the market and has proven itself, over and over thru the years, to be well liked by nearly everyone.

Huge thanks, as always, to Babeland for letting me review it!

For the record, this one is one of the stronger ones I’ve received.  So far, I’ve had one that was kind of weak, one that was moderate and now two that are quite strong.  The strength differences are not super noticeable other than the weak one I received and, truly, I believe that was a fluke.  All of them have been more than enough to do the job – and do it well!

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I’m not normally a huge fan of texture and, as you can see, this is a highly textured sex toy.  For some reason, though, it doesn’t feel obtrusive to me or painful, just wonderfully stimulating.

The Dai-Do #4 is made from anodized aluminum.  It is available in red or black but, being so fond of the contrast between red aluminum, silver accent bands and black silicone grip, I chose the red.  It’s a shiny, glossy looking red, a very “true” red in that I can’t decide if it’s warm or cold in color tone. Beautiful.

The #4 is on the slim side, probably manageable by most so long as the texture doesn’t irritate.  It measures 7″ in total length, 4.25″ is insertable.  It has a very comfortable 1 1/8″ diameter.  The insertable area *is* highly textured but, as mentioned, not really in an obtrusive way.  The ridges that run down its length are kind of subtle feeling, probably because they are very rounded with no sharp edges.  Each one actually looks like a mini metal donut, stacked together.  They are much more rounded than they appear in pictures.  Also, because they are not wider than the ball shaped head of the toy, they don’t really stick out.  They’re shallow, the indent between them maybe an eighth of an inch deep.  Very, very stimulating in use yet not once did I feel like they were painful, as I often do with nubby type toys.

The #4 is also heavy, weighing in at close to a pound, so you don’t need to thrust super fast for it to be amazingly effective.  Between the texture and the weight, subtle thrusting and twisting alone feels really, really good.  You won’t get deep penetration without inserting the handle but it isn’t meant to be a cervix bopping dildo.  It’s also nice used to tease and stimulate the labia and clitoris, especially once it’s good and lubed.  The mini speed bumps feel absolutely incredible as they glide along sensitive flesh.

I especially like this when it’s been run under cold water to cool the metal down as it’s a very sensual contrast to heated skin, especially in this hot weather.  If you don’t like cold, though, you can just as easily run it under warm water.  Regardless, it warms very quickly to the temperature of your body and retains that heat for a long time.

It does get a little slick when it gets wet, either with your own lubrication or bottle.  The silicone grip helps a little, making the handle part a little easier to grip and control.

Because it’s aluminum with the silicone grip, you can use any lube you like with this one.  You can also boil it or bleach it to sanitize, or simply clean with hot, soapy water.

I don’t get a whole lot of g-spot stimulation with this one.  It’s not very bulbous at the end and has no curve at all.  I don’t much miss it, though, because the texture is really what you’re wanting to feel when you use it.  It’s a great toy for slowing down and really paying attention to what your body is feeling.

Do store in a pouch somewhere or in a drawer where it’s not going to get banged up.  I have yet to see the aluminum chip or dent but better safe than sorry.

The best thing, for me, about the entire Dai-Do line is how frictionless they are in use, how very smooth and sleek to the touch.  Sometimes, I sit and just play with it because the metal feels so very good.

$79.99Dai-Do #4 Steel dildo by Big Tease Toys Material: Silicone / Stainless steel / Aluminum Safety: Buy from EdenFantasys

Don’t get me wrong, it’s cute as can be; a cream colored traditional plastic vibe with all sorts of Pirate-y goodness “tattooed” along the shaft.  It has skulls and crossbones and carp and nautical stars and flowers and cute pirate wenches.  It has a black base/battery cap with topaz colored “jewels” running along its rim.  It may or may not seem a bit over the top in appearance to you.  Everyone has their own style, right?  Right.

The fact of the matter is, though, that once you try this baby, you won’t much give a rat’s patootie what it looks like.  Know why?  Because once you unscrew the cap and realize it takes two C batteries, you know it’s going to be strong as hell.

And it is.

The JPCV is operated, unlike old traditional vibes that have a dial control, by a push button in the base.  A single press for low, two for medium, three for high, four for pattern one, five for pattern two, six for off.  And, yes, unlike most traditional plastic vibes, it has patterns.

Low speed is quite strong.  I was floored, really, when I turned it on and felt a strong, deep, but slow rumble in my hand.  And I do mean rumble.  This vibe has some wickedly low frequency vibrations that feel throbby and amazing.  Medium is a bit faster than low but not a huge difference.  Still throbby, still intense.  High is actually too strong for me.  It’s like I have a mini pirate jackhammer in my hand, or against my clit, or in my vagina.  It’s crazily intense.  The patterns are fairly basic; a pulsing and a rollercoastering.  Like the steady vibrations, though, they’re deep, like they’re coming from way within the toy rather than buzzing along the surface.

I cannot tell you how much I do not care what this vibrator looks like.  By the time I’m done I can’t see straight anyhow.

The JPCV is 6.5″ long with a moderate girth of around 1.5″ at it’s widest point.  It does taper a bit from tip up the shaft, slowly, gradually.  It feels good in just about any application you can think of, from clitoral stim to internal but I wouldn’t recommend using it anally as it has no flared base.

Clean with soap and water.  It is splash proof and has a seal around the battery compartment but is not waterproof so don’t use it in the tub or shower.  Any lube is fine.

Again, HUGE thanks to Adam & Eve for letting me try this sex toy out.  It may not be quite my thing in looks but, hot damn, it’s a power house in use!

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