Oky, it’s not really jelly, it’s TPR (which is just a phthalate free jelly, if you ask me) with an ABS plastic controller and a silver bullet buried inside the thick blob of jelly-looking stuff.  But it may as well be jelly. It looks like jelly and feels like jelly and smells like jelly…

Ugh.

I try, hard, not to be a toy snob.  I try to do lower end toys and my share of lubes, lotions and potions. But I sort of draw the line at jelly/tpr/elastomer stuff that is see thru.  I had a bad reaction to a vibe last year that sort of turned me off.  Plus, it’s just not as dense and solid feeling as opaque materials so vibrations are always buzzy and generally not to my liking.

Unfortunately, I got sent this by the folks at Lustique without knowing it was coming so I have no choice but to review it.

Which meant I had to use it.

Which made my pussy very unhappy.

It’s strong enough, though the vibes are both buzzy and diffused at the same time.  I can’t get any one area to feel pin point enough to actually stimulate my clit and having it cupped over clit and labia was irksome, due to the buzzy-ness.  It made my junk itch.  I don’t want vibes that make me itch when I’m trying to get off.  Hell, I don’t even like massage chairs or foot massagers for the same reason.

So that was strike one.

Strike two was that it feels sticky.  The idea of putting something on or in my pussy that feels sticky just bothers me.  I kept wiping my fingers off like they were sticky, even though the stickiness really doesn’t transfer.  It made me feel dirty.

Ugh.

There I go, sounding snobbish again.  I’m sorry.

The C-Teaster runs on two AA batteries that insert into the remote via a twist off cover.  The remote has two push buttons; an on off button and a button to change vibrations.  Scrolling thru vibrations you have low, medium and high, then seven patterns and pulsations.  All decently strong and probably great for someone who wants diffuse vibrations across their labia and clitoris rather than direct clitoral stimulation.

The TPR scoop covers pretty much my entire vulva so it’s not ideal for use with a partner during sex.

It is waterproof, though water can get inside the TPR sleeve over the bullet, making removal necessary.  Removal is a pain so my recommendation is to not get this overly wet.

Which makes cleaning hard because TPR is fairly porous and you want to wash it good with soap and water so it doesn’t harbor any germs that might give you a UTI or yeast infection next time you use it.  So wash it well with your finger over the area where the cord meets jelly blob and you should be okay.  The remote is water resistant so, in reality, you should be able to take this in the shower if not the tub but that’s your call.

Me?  I’m iffy about it.

That’s pretty much all I have to say about the C-Teaser.  Obviously, it’s not my favorite toy and I’d have a hard time recommending it but if jelly type pussy cuppers are your thing, along with diffuse, buzzy vibrations and a sticky sensations, head on over to Lustique.  They stock the C-teaster in blue and pink and have plenty of other sex toys to choose from, as well.

But does it work?  Is it as good as it looks?

That depends.

If you’ve ever had a rabbit vibrator and enjoyed the mad, rapid, insane and visible vibrating of it’s ears, you may just love the kiwi.  It’s whippy and quick just like those rabbit ears.

If you need pressure or a throbbier vibration, you probably want to pass.

As mentioned, the kiwi is palm sized.  It measures in at five inches long with a 2″ diameter.  That diameter is at the widest point of the entire toy, though, which happens to be the base/control area.  The wiggling tip is slender and smaller around than a Bic pen.

The Kiwi isn’t large, by any means, but it is bigger than most clit stimulators.  It’s egg shaped, plastic base base, combined with it’s size, makes it really easy to hold in the hand — which, in turn, makes it super easy to direct the vibrating tip.

Speaking of the tip, it’s silicone and super flexible.  When pressed against, it immediately gives and bends, which doesn’t allow for much pressure in use but it’s really not designed to give pressure.  It’s designed to tickle and wiggle against whatever spot you use it on and I’ve found it works extremely well against both nipples and clitoris, as well as along the neck, behind the ear, the backs of the knees….

Anywhere you enjoy a tickling, teasing touch.

And to make it even more nifty, it lights up.  Yes, indeed, it lights up.  It has a tiny pink led in the tip that glows as soon as you turn it on, glowing brighter as you turn it up and pulsing with the patterns.  So as you tickle and tease, even in the dark, you can light up the area the tip is touching.  It’s pretty damned cool.

The Kiwi is controlled by two buttons in it’s oval base; press the upper one, nearest the tip, and it’ll start to buzz (and glow!) lightly.  A second and third press set it to buzzing at a medium then a fast pace.  Like rabbit ears on a dual stimulator, you can actually see the slender tip vibrating with the Kiwi.  Subsequent presses start the patterns, of which there are seven.  Patterns are pretty standard escalations, pulsations and roller coastering type.  The little light in the tip glows and blinks in time with what each pattern is doing and makes me giggle if I get to watching it too closely.  It’s like your own little tickling light show!

Vibrations are quite strong and buzzy and extremely quiet.  Buzzy I expected, due to the slender tip but I was surprised at the strength of the vibes, especially out of 2 AAA batteries.  (Which are inserted, btw, by twisting the base from the shaft, slipping the batteries in one up, one down, then twisting the base back on)  The very quiet buzz is a nice bonus, for sure.

All in all, the Kiwi is pretty nifty.  For me, it’s not enough to get me off but it’s absolutely a lot of fun.  I have really enjoyed figuring where I can use it for effective stimulation that teases and arouses, even if it’s not going to get me over the edge.  If those whippy little ears on rabbit vibes are your thing, though, the Kiwi really might just knock your socks off.

It’s not going to be *the* sextoy for everyone, but it’s definitely got it’s spot in my toybox and I’ll pull it out again and again to tease myself into arousal.

Clean up is easy by wiping down or washing in the sink since the Kiwi is waterproof.  You can use a bleach solution if you like but don’t boil or put it in the dishwasher, since you could ruin the motor.

Water based lubes only, please!

Store either in the lovely black and green box it comes in or with other silicone or plastic toys.  (I haven’t had any material issues doing this, nothing reacting oddly)

Kiwi Clitoral vibrator by World Access Material: Silicone / Plastic Safety: $59.99 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:

Sorry.  Back on track.

The Allegro is a double sided glass dildo.  The Allegro is pink and textured.  In fact, the Allegro is quite a bit more pink than the pictures make it appear to be and the texture is much more intense than you expect, too.  It looks like a pale pink, lightly ribbed toy.  It is a bright pink shaft of glass covered in mighty ripples from top to bottom.

What I’m sayin’ is…

This is not a lightly textured dildo so if you’re not a fan of texture, move along.  If you are a fan, this is probably a toy that will appeal to you in almost every way.

The Allegro is 7 inches long with a diameter of nearly 1.5 inches at it’s widest point.  It has a torpedo shaped end and a rounded end which each curve into a center bulge.  Either end is fairly easy to insert since glass is slick, slick, slick even with no lube.  I personally prefer the rounded end.  I like that pop of a ball shaped tip on a dildo entering me.  I also like it better if it hits my cervix than a pointed tip.  The pointed, torpedo shaped tip goes in a bit more smoothly but also feels pointy if it bumps my cervix.  So.  Both are nice but you can choose one or the other and still enjoy the toy if the opposite isn’t your thing.  A nice bonus, that.

The texture on this toy is ridged.  Repeatedly and shallowly ridged from tip to tip.  It doesn’t seem like it would be very intense but, to me, it is.  It’s a constant…  hmm…  damn it.  I can’t explain it.  Roughness?  Friction? along my vaginal walls.  I like it, but it can be a bit much at times.  I definitely need to be ready for it and in the mood for it or it feels overstimulating and I react badly.

The curves and bulges of the Allegro can be felt but are minimal in comparison to the texture.

Oddly, as much as I like pink toys, this one is a bit bright.  I guess I prefer a paler, softer pink glass.  It’s still very pretty though.  I don’t dislike it, I’m just always shocked when I pull it out that’s it’s glass and SO pink.

I feel like this review is coming across as apathetic.  I guess it sort of is.  I like the Allegro but I don’t love it.  It’s a good dildo at a good price but it’s not – and never will be – my favorite.

It does come with a super nice, dark purple velvety drawstring bag (unpadded) and you can use any lube you like with it, both pluses.  Clean up in the sink with soap and water (using care to get in those grooves!) or boil, bleach, pop it in the dishwasher.  Glass is easy. :)

And that, I guess, is that.

The Allegro is a fine toy but after so many, I’m a little jaded about sex toys.  Which makes me feel very bad for the Allegro.  It probably deserves better.

$35.99Allegro Glass dildo by Orion Material: Tempered glass Safety: Buy from EdenFantasys

What?  You’ve never used a tingling lube that made your partner’s cock feel like an alien?  You’re totally missing out.

Anyhow.  This stuff, the Shunga Secret Garden gel, is a clitoral stimulating gel.  It’s been on my wishlist for a long time but I never bought it for myself. I just kept putting other things in front of it.   That was dumb.  I got a lot of lemons when I could have been enjoying the good stuff all this time…

Thankfully, my friend Laurel got me some for my birthday.  I loved her before but I love her even more now.  It’s that good.

The packaging, as shown in the picture, is typical Shunga; japanese art that is both erotic and tasteful covers a black cardboard box. Inside is the 1 oz black plastic bottle that appears much like a small bottle of make up or lotion until you read the words.  It has instruction and ingredients on the back, Shunga Erotic Art and Secret Garden embossed upon the front.  Very discreet, really, unless your guests or kids go picking up every bottle they see laying around the house to see what it is.

Inside the bottle, the clitoral stimulating gel is just that; a thin gel about the consistency of really cheap dish soap with a peppermint like scent.  The aroma isn’t overwhelming but it is noticeable.

The directions say to apply to the clitoral region by taking the time to massage the tissue under the clitoris.  They don’t say how much to use so I just used a drop maybe the size of a small pea.  Hard to judge because it really is a thin gel.  Let’s just say I put a wee bit on the tip of my index finger and rushed my finger down to my clit before any could spill off.  It was a challenge, but I made it.

The only issue I have with this is the consistency.  A little thicker would make it ever so much easier to use.

I followed the directions and applied it …

Ok. I lied.  I rubbed it all over my clit, top and bottom and sides.  It was slick.  It immediately felt a bit tingly.  It was nice.  Oh.  My.  Like really nice.  So I rubbed it in some more.  Next thing you know I was getting off.

Damn, that stuff is nice and slick.  And it really was stimulating without feeling icy cold or super hot or anything at all like bengay.  It was just…  nice.  It did feel a bit warm at first, making my clit feel like it was swelling faster than normal.  After a minute or two it felt a bit cool but not cold, not overly tingly or anything.  It was nice.  Really, really nice.  And after about four minutes…  well, I was done.  So, yanno, I can’t say much except my clit throbbed and hummed for a really long time afterwards.  It made me clenchy.  My kegels loved me.

Anyhow…  I figured it had to be a fluke.  I was probably just all horned up that day.  But no.  Every time I’ve used it, this gel really has aroused me faster than I normally become aroused.  It makes my clit feel super sensitive and swollen and throbby.  I do prefer it more when used along with manual stimulation or stimulation with a soft, squishy toy than with hard toys but I’ve taken to using it nearly ever time I think I’m going to jerk off or get laid.

It gets me there — and by there I mean super aroused — really damned fast.  And I find I get off faster, too.

Now that doesn’t mean it’s going to work for everyone. We’re all different.  What is good for me may be too much (or too little) for you.  But I? I like it.  The packaging does say that some women will notice the effect immediately and some women may need up to three applications on three consecutive days.

Does that mean it has a cumulative effect?  Maybe.

Ingredients are water, glycerine (so use sparingly and clean up when done so as to prevent yeast infections) proplene glycol, l-argentine HCL, l-ornithine HCL, hydroxyethly cellulose, damiana extract, methyl and propyl parabens, peppermint oil and vitamin e.  This isn’t a “natural” or “organic” product.  It might disagree with some vaginas if they’re sensitive to parabens and/or glycerine.  It’s also not recommended for pregnant women or those with STD’s, particularly genital herpes.  Probably due to the l-argentine, which I’ve read can worsen the frequency and duration of herpes outbreaks.

But I?  I like it.

Clean up is easy with soap and water and this doesn’t seem to stain.  It’s a little pricey for an ounce but seeing as so very little is needed to be effective, a bottle should last a good, long time.

Now pardon me while I go rub some into the tissue beneath my clitoris…

I’ve turned myself on thinking about how good it feels.

p.s. Thank you Laurel!

$17.99Shunga secret garden Cream by Shunga Erotic Art Buy from EdenFantasys

The Pure Plug comes in three sizes — four if you count the Pure Plug 2.0 — small, medium and large. The small measures 3.25 inches long, 1 inch in diameter.  Just a little anal tickle, excellent for distinguishing beginners.  The medium is the same length but the diameter goes up to 1.25 inches.  The large comes in at about 3.5 inches long and 1.5 inches in diameter.  And the 2.0.  Well.  It’s a whopping 4.75 inches long with a 1.75 inch diameter.  I am drooling over the 2.0 and, truly, wishing I’d gotten it.

What I did get was the Pure Plug large.  And don’t let my drooling fool you, I’m not unhappy with it.  On the contrary, I love it.  But I do occasionally wish it were just a bit more…

See? This is why I need many toys and why the 2.0 is on my wishlist.  Then I can have either instead of doing the grass is greener thing. Right?  (Just say yes or I’ll feel greedy)

Ok. So.  I got the Pure Plug large.  And it is nice.  Really nice.  Hard, solid stainless steel.  Amazingly ergonomic and easy to insert.  It stays in place for me well, though better “upside down” than the right way.  (With the curve facing my back rather than in toward my g-spot)  It feels great either way.

I can wear it for hours.  Hours and hours to get ready for anal sex.  It’s easy to slip it out and add a dollop more lube if you need it.  And lube? Any kind.  I like silicone but only use a wee, teeny, little bit or it’ll slide right out on you.  It also stays in very well for me during intercourse which makes it stimulating for both of us; the largest part of it sits down low and is felt by him almost immediately upon entering my vagina, thru the vaginal wall.

And?  You can sterilize the Pure Plug.  Boil, bleach, dishwash or plain old soap and water it.  It does not hold onto goop, goo and lube cuz the surface is so slick things wipe right off.

And the surface.  Oh gods. Shiny.  Industrial looking.  So cool to the touch and so hot, hot hot when you take it out.  And the packaging.  Luxurious and elegant, especially when you consider it’s to hold a thing that’s going in your rump.

The Pure Plug.  It is love.  It is. Truly.

Though I also like the Pfun Plug a lot.  And then, you know, there are my dreams of the 2.0.

I’m simply obsessed with Njoy.  I will not lie.

Video for you below!

As always, my deepest thanks to Eden Fantasys for letting me review this.  If the FTC is watching my ass, they should know it was indeed a free product but my review is honest and not affected by how much or little the sex toy cost me. :)

$83.99Pure plug large Butt plug by Njoy Material: Stainless steel Safety: Buy from EdenFantasys

XX

Specs on the Ella:

Matte, velvety silicone, 7 inches long by 1.5 inches in diameter at it’s largest point.  Boilable, bleachable, sterilizable.  A hand held dildo, not harness compatible.  Use only with water based lube. Curved, dual ended with a g spot curve, flat head for pin point g spot stimulation and a pointed, fuller end for all around vaginal stimulation.  The Lelo Ella comes with a one year warranty and a luxury box for storage/gifting.

Mad thanks to Babeland for letting me review this amazing, very pink sex toy.  I am officially in love!  

Just thought y’all might like a heads up!  I remember quite well all the talk of glass sceptors and princesses not that long ago…

Ahem. Kaya.  And Rayne.  And all the rest of you in the princess slave/submissive/etc club with me.

:P

The bullet, if you can get past the crazy lights, is good.  Solid.  Strong.  LOTS of vibrations options.  35, to be exact.  Super useful patterns.  Pinpoint stimulation.  No actual g-spotting can be done for most folks but, hey, that’s what glass toys are for.

Anyhow…

Review live on EF soon.  I’ll post a link here when it is.  In the meantime, check out the other 37 reviews on this baby.

Seriously.

It’s much loved.

Xtreme pack™ G-spot bullet Bullet by California Exotic Material: PU coated plastic Safety: $27.99 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:

Smartballs?   I haz ‘em.  Luna Beads?  I have them, too.  Teneo Uno?  Yup. Stringed plastic balls? Indeed. Non stringed plastic balls?  Mmmhhhmm.

And now these.  The Ophoria K-balls in their smooth incarnation.  They almost make textured ones.  (And yes, I noticed I typed almost instead of also.  It made me laugh so hard I had to leave it.  Because, while I noticed, it took me a full day and three readings of this post.  My brain?  It is dead!)

The K-balls are a one piece dual ball system, the balls attached to one another by a narrow silicone shaft rather than a string.  The entire surface is one hundred percent silicone and, as such, body safe and sterilizable.  Mine are completely smooth other than the small white inserts, which can be felt with a finger but not while in use.  They’re four inches long by a bit less than an inch and a half in diameter.

In shape (and size) they’re nearly identical to Smartballs, though they appear more round simply due to the pattern on them.  Unfortunately, for me, this means they’re a bit too long to be comfortable and I can always feel the nub where the string attaches irritating the entrance of my vagina.

Most folks, however, don’t seem to have this issue.  I guess  I have a shallow snootch?

Ophoria K-balls are very firm, much more firm than other similar balls and feel almost like plastic coated in silicone.  They have no squish or give.

Inside the outer ball is another, weighted ball that rolls around and creates a sense of vibration or whirling inside of you with every motion.  This is not only stimulating but helps to exercise your kegel muscles!  Even doing nothing, the sensation causes your muscles to clench and unclench minutely through out the time you’re wearing them, working the muscles and, ultimately, giving you a tighter vagina and more control over those muscles when having sex or holding your pee.

Insertion is simple, especially as they are so firm.  Simply add a drop of water based lube and pop the first ball in.  Pressure to the bottom of the shaft will slide the second in and the attached string makes retrieval easy.

To clean, wash with soap and water or give ‘em a quick boil.  You can even put them in your dishwasher, if you like.

While these didn’t work great for me due to the length, they’re definitely well made balls that will last a long time.  I prefer them to Smartballs if for no other reason than that they’re silicone and can be completely sanitized, including the string, which is also silicone.

Many thanks to sextoy.com for letting me review these!  It’s always fun to compare different types and brands of the same type of toy and, in doing so, I usually find out a lot about myself and what works best for me.