Vicissitudes of Life

もう抗うのを止める

2012-01-24T21:08:00.002+08:00

人は自分の周りに見えない壁を建ってる。

誰かにその壁を壊して欲しい、壊して中身の私を見て全てを受け取って欲しい。。。皆はきっとそう思ってる。

そう思ってるから、皆は壁の中にじっとその人のことを待ち続ける。

ただ待ってる。

現れないかもしれないのに、ずっと待ってるだけ。

私もその人達の一人。

私は悲しいときはいつも自分を狭い所に隠す。

ベッドとか机とかの下に、戸棚の中にとか隠れる。

そうすると少し楽になる。

何かが私を包めているように感じるから。

でもそう言ってもやっぱり誰かにそこから引っ張り出して強く抱き締められたい。。。

私はその人を静かに待つと決めた。

そうしてくれない人に対してはもう抗わない。

抗うのを止める。

自分が見っとも無いだけだよ。

私は一人でも大丈夫。

迷い

2012-01-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

私はもう誰を愛せないかもしれない。

いや、元々人を愛する心がないかも。

いやだな私こんな人って。。。

愛の存在を疑い始めた。

苦しい。

ロマンを信じない年にもなった　The Age When Romance Is Tosh

2012-01-04T01:21:00.000+08:00

５３日の文化交換プログラムに船で六国の日本、フィリッピン、ブルネイ、インドネシア、マレーシアとベトナムに行って帰って来ました。
So I've been to a 53 days cultural exchange trip on a ship to 6 countries - Japan, Philippines, Brunei, Indonesia, Malaysia and Vietnam and I'm back.

あと二ヶ月で二十二になる、そして二つ目の恋の最中のこの時。。。
Turning 22 in just another couple of months and into my second relationship...

私バクマンの主人子とその主人子が好きな女の子を見てて思ったの、こりゃバカだなって～
どうしてと言うと、主人子とその女の子はお互い好きなんだけどちゃんとした話は一度もなかったの。そして告白されて、夢叶うまで会わないって決めて、夢が叶ったら結婚するって約束したんだ～　これってバカと思わない？

今になってやっと分かったの。。。恋と言うものは私前に思ったのを相当違ってる。初めての恋のとき、愛があれば何でも超えられると思ったの。それは違ったでもないけど。。。ちょっと計算がいの事があった。それは愛の強さだ。強い愛の感情は思ったより見つけにくいと思う。。。

この時代になって誰かを失ったら生きていられないことでもない。私の初めての彼氏だって私をとても愛していたと思ったけど、別れて二ヶ月もたってないのに新しいこいをできた。だから、夢が叶うまで会わないとか、こんな理想的でロマンだけを求める考え方はふざけてると思う。恋はね、一旦鈍ってしまったら失うかも知れない。今愛が溢れ出すくらいでいっぱい有っても、努力続けないとだめになってしまう。

恋にとってはタイミングと機会は大事。あなたの恋人はあなた以外は誰も愛せないと思うな！あなたたち二人は長く付き合って事も愛だけじゃなくて、タイミングも機会も丁度いいところを合わせた結果だ。だから、付き合い始めることは簡単ですけれども、ずっと一緒にいることはとても難しい。

恋は思ったより全てじゃない割りに前より難しそうと思い始めた。前は自信満々なんだけど今は不安ばかりで、ちょっとどうしようもない感じになってる。。。

でも私。。。頑張る！

Veronika decides to die

2011-08-24T10:52:00.000+08:00

The first reason why Veronika decides to die: "Everything in her life was the same and, once her youth was gone, it would be downhill all the way, with old age beginning to leave irreversible marks, the onset of illness, the departure of friends. She would gain nothing by continuing to live; indeed, the likelihood of suffering only increased."

"Veronika had decided to die on that lovely Ljubjlana afternoon, with Bolivian musicians playing in the square, with a young man passing by her window, and she was happy with what her eyes could see and her ears hear. She was even happier that she would not have to go on seeing those same things for another thirty, forty or fifty years, because they would lose all their originality and be transformed into the tragedy of a life in which everything repeats itself and where one day is exactly like another."

It's no joke how much I relate to this, but I'm definitely not the only one.

By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

2011-07-25T03:38:00.000+08:00

A boy and a girl were insanely in love with each other.

They decided to become engaged.

And that's when presents are always exchanged.

The boy was poor - his only worthwhile possession was a watch he'd inherited from his grandfather.

Thinking about his sweetheart's lovely hair, he decided to sell the watch in order to buy her a silver barrette.

The girl had no money herself to buy him a present.

She went to the shop of the most successful merchant in the town and sold him her hair.

With the money, she bought a gold watchband for her lover.

When they met on the day of the engagement party, she gave him the wristband for a watch he had sold, and he gave her the barrette for the hair she no longer had.

痛み

2011-06-17T21:47:00.001+08:00

私は自分を大事にしない人が嫌い。

こういう人は平気で自分を傷付けてもなんとも思わない。

いつもいつも自分勝手で自分を犠牲にする。

周りの人がそんなにあんたのことを思ってるのに、それでも好き勝手でその人達が大事にしてるものを。。。

その人達はあんたに最大の屈辱を与えた。

あんたが傷付けられた度に、あんたを愛しいに思ってる人がどれほど痛むのか。。。いい加減に気づけよ！

Perfect Happiness

2011-04-19T17:50:00.000+08:00

This is taken from Zhuangzi, chapter eighteen: Perfect Happiness.

...When Zhuangzi's wife died, Huizi came to mourn her. At that moment, Zhuangzi was squatting down, beating on a tub, and singing.

Huizi said, "You lived with this person, raise children, and grew old together. Not to cry when she died would be bad enough. But to beat on a tub singing! Isn't that too much?"

Zhuangzi said, "No. When she first died, don't you think I was like everyone else? But then I considering her beginning, before she was alive. Not only before she had life, but before she had form. Not only before she had form, but before she had qi.

In all the mixed-up bustle and confusion, something changed and there was qi. Th qi changed and there was form. The form changed and she had life. Today there was another change and she died. It's just like the round of the four seasons: spring, summer fall, and winter. She was resting quietly, perfectly at home, and I followed her crying 'Wah-hah!' It seemed like I hadn't comprehended fate. So I stopped."...

Not that this really takes away the sorrow for me or anyone who has a loved one facing death, but I guess it is comforting to know.

Yong Vui Kong

2011-04-05T06:21:00.000+08:00

Recent update: http://theonlinecitizen.com/2011/04/court-of-appeal-yong-vui-kong%E2%80%99s-case-has-no-merit/

“If Yong escapes the death penalty, drug barons will think the signal is that young and vulnerable traffickers will be spared and can be used as drug mules, argued Mr Shanmugam.”
– TODAY, 10 May 2010

This is perhaps the main reason why the court insists on keeping to the death sentence for Yong Vui Kong's case. But honestly, has this death sentence for drug trafficking prevented drug barons from using people like Yong Vui Kong (that is of course if we believe his case that he was under misconceptions about the drug trafficking laws of Singapore) to traffic drugs? I certainly don't think so. It is not going to make a difference to the drug barons whether their "tools" will be spared from the death sentence or not.

This death sentence for drug trafficking only helps to prevent people actually aware of this law from trafficking drugs. It is true that conceivably, more youths may be tempted to traffic drugs into Singapore if they can be spared from the death sentence. This is what is feared here, that sparing Yong Vui Kong from the death sentence will make others more daring to traffic drugs.

However, the question to ask here is: Are we putting Yong Vui Kong to death because he deserves it? Or are we putting him to death for another reason?

If he was indeed misled by his drug baron about Singapore's drug trafficking laws, surely many of us will feel that he doesn't deserve a death sentence. You can't put someone to death for something he didn't know (was wrong)! This was my initial reaction when I read about his case. The thing is, he knew it was wrong, except that he didn't know how dire the consequences were. On reflection, I realized that doesn't give much ground to saying he doesn't deserve a death sentence. Suppose in a country where there is a mandatory death sentence for someone who murderers another intentionally while not suffering from any mental illnesses (let's assume that this is absolutely wrong in all possible cases) and suppose you also feel strongly that yes, someone who does that deserves to be put to death. Now this murderer knew it was wrong to do what he did, but he argues that he didn't know that it would result in him being put to death. He thought that he would only get a few days in jail and that wouldn't have killed that person if he knew he will be put to death for doing it. Would you sympathize with the murderer in this case? I wouldn't, because if the murderer knew it was wrong and also deserves the punishment for what he did, it doesn't affect either way whether he actually knew of the real consequences. Similarly for Yong Vui Kong's case, he does know what he did was wrong. He probably also knows what heroin does to people. Maybe he also knows how many people the 42.37 grams of heroin could harm, or he might not. Suppose he was fully aware of all this, but he chose to traffic drugs because of certain benefits he would gain through it and he thought that the possible consequences were light but it turns out that the consequences weren't light at all. Now also suppose that we all think that the death sentence is a deserving punishment for someone who traffic drugs because it will harm many many many people grievously, would you still think that whether or not he knew of the actual punishment he will receive due to his actions makes a difference? I think not.

Then, our next concern is whether the act of drug trafficking deserves the death sentence. I could write a thesis on this but that is not the point. The court obviously thinks that drug trafficking deserves the death sentence as they have shown us by consistent rulings of death sentences for drug trafficking. If the court were to reexamine this law, it wouldn't be because of any special circumstances of Yong Vui Kong's case but simply due to the fact the law is less ideal than we thought. As such it would be really difficult to argue his case on from this angle because he court has stood firm on this law for countless cases before him and as I have pointed out, despite his young age, it does not give him any advantage on this point. Even so, let me give my 2 cents on this point. For many people I believe, don't feel that drug trafficking should warrant someone a death sentence because you are not harming people directly .etc .etc It is really subjective and can be argued both ways, but the justification I believe that the court holds for the death sentence for drug trafficking is that it serves as a deterrence to people from doing it. Now we might have a problem here because we are not punishing someone because he deserved the punishment for what he did but we are punishing him for another reason. But usually we feel fine with law because we argue that "he knew he could die doing that, but he still did it anyway, so he is deserving of that punishment". It is a funny fact that we feel someone is more deserving of a punishment for doing something if he knows and accepts it but chose to do it anyway. To use a more exaggerated example, suppose that in a certain country a death sentence is given to someone who lies, not because lying itself is deserving of death but because if the liar was not put to death it would encourage more people to lie and the when everyone lies the world would be in chaos. Certainly, if someone knew about the death sentence for lying but still does it anyway we might not think that he deserved it, but we would certainly think that he deserved it more than the person who lied while knowing that lying was wrong but did not know about the death sentence for it. This is probably why we feel so strongly about Yong Vui Kong's case, because the death sentence, we feel, is not really given because someone who traffic drugs actually deserves it, coupled with the fact that Yong Vui Kong himself was not aware of what consequences he was getting himself into. Because he did not do it while knowing the actual punishment, PLUS the fact that we feel the act is not deserving of the punishment is what causes us to instinctively side with him. The problem here lies with the fact that we feel the act itself is not deserving of the punishment but the punishment is implemented for another reason which the "injustice" of it is especially felt when one is sentenced with that punishment for doing that act undeserving of it, without even knowing that the act will result in that punishment.

Now this raises one more question as to whether ignorance is punishable or should be punished. Whether it is actually Yong Vui Kong's fault for not knowing the law because if we deem that it is his fault for not knowing the law then the fact that he was not aware of the law is not a point for his case (like in my previous argument) but a point against his case. I definitely agree with Chief Justice Chan Sek Keong who, if i'm not wrong, said that "youthfulness is not in itself a ground for granting clemency". However, youthfulness may decide whether ignorance is punishable or not. Suppose instead of Yong Vui Kong we have a 5 year old kid in the same situation. We will obviously not convict this kid (i hope, i'm not really certain how the court will rule this but I do think they are grossly mistaken if they rule otherwise =/ ) because: 1) there is no point in punishing someone for something that they did that they didn't even know it was wrong (unless of cos, through punishing that person learns that what they did was wrong but that's a whole different question) and it is not his fault that he doesn't know, 2) even if he does know it is wrong, he doesn't know the punishment for the act and it is not his fault that he doesn't know, and hence my previous argument. Yong Vui Kong, who was 19 at that time could also be argued that he didn't know what he did was wrong, as in he wasn't aware of the entirety of the harm he would bring with that act of drug trafficking and isn't at fault for not knowing that it was wrong (less workable). Or it could be argued that he didn't know the law and is not at fault for not knowing the law due to his young age, and hence my previous argument (previous paragraph) again (more workable).

I feel like I'm ranting...I probably am because it's 6am and my brain is dying but I just have to finish this post.

In my opinion, if Yong Vui Kong was eventually still sentenced to death, it would literally feel like he is a sacrifice to deter people who are aware of the death sentence law from drug trafficking....which note! a group of people which he was never a part of, because he never knew the death sentence law. The death sentence law doesn't even prevent people like him from drug trafficking but it is inevitable that people like him become sacrifices for that law, which makes no sense especially if we feel that his ignorance of the law is not his fault.

Growing up

2011-04-05T01:32:00.000+08:00

this is just going to be a compilation of a few of my tweets (as i was tweeting i realized this i was almost writing an essay so I decided to stop and continue here ^^)

grab every opportunity to show love, savour every bit of love you receive, please don't ever take it for granted....

....nothing suffices as an excuse, because someday you'll realize nothing ever even comes near to being as important.

recently i've become very conscious whenever i'm being impatient w/ my mum..."no you don't want to act this way" a voice in my head tells me

think i'm growing up, but also becoming more piercingly conscious n fearful of loss, worrying more, n started d habit of nagging (at my mum)

i have also started being more observant; no action is small enough to escape me. a hand slightly supporting her back when she gets up, the exerted way she walks, her starting to forget little things that she remembered just a second ago....all these things i watch with a little strain in my heart.

just yesterday i posted on facebook that i shall see Aurora Borealis (northern lights) with my own eyes before i die, but as i'm writing this i'm thinking...i'm sure that would be beautiful but what is really so meaningfully beautiful is sleeping right in the next room...

i want to keep watching as long as possible....

Preciousness of Life

2011-03-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, in the wee hours of the night I went to the Emergency ward with my mum and I thought...

こんなことが起こると気づくんだ、この世に一番大事なものは命だってこと。別に理由がないこそ、命の大切さじゃない？理由がなくてもいい、特に何の為じゃなくてもいい、人生で何も果たせなくてもいいんだ。。。ただ何よりも大切で、愛しいんだ。

Translation (somehow I feel that I am able to phrase this better in Japanese than in English =/ ):

It is only when such things happen then you realize that the most important thing in this world is life. Isn't the fact that there isn't any particular purpose for life that makes it precious? It's ok if there isn't a reason or purpose, or even nothing is accomplished with that life...it is just more precious and dear than anything else.

She is waiting for further results, but she is all right now and I hope she stays this way.

My Excuse for Not Blogging

2011-02-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

I figured i should at least tell whoever might be reading my blog what's happening, or at the very least...cook up an explanation for me to feed myself the next time i question myself on my lack of responsibility over this blog.

Really it's amazing i can still use words. They need a little nudging now, but they still conform to my wishes....

ANYWAY, (blah...i seem to have lost the 'flow' thingy though) the reason (i think) i'm not blogging recently is...that I'm simply getting sick of recording my own life. Especially since it's not particularly interesting, nor are the human subjects (mostly me) in my photos particularly pleasant to look at.

IN OTHER WORDS, I'm too lazy and I don't find it very worthwhile.

However, I will still write stuff from time to time...

CURRENT TOPICS OF CONCERN: ethics (as usual)...INCEST (I mean, other than being unimaginably disgusting and the child produced having higher risk of genetic diseases...what is so explicably wrong about it if it is mutually consensual?)...wait for me to write a thesis on it or something lol. (for the article that piqued my interest: http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_630312.html )

That probably won't happen anytime soon as I've got 3 papers to write... >_< one of it being a comparison of Confucius' and Mozi's ideas...and the other 2 i have not even read the questions >:(

OK, got to rush the backlog of work due to chinese new year!!

Vacations Are Always Busy

2010-12-07T03:33:00.001+08:00

I realize I always chalk up a long list of things to do After Exams (that's my hobby during exam time - daydreaming about what I'll do after exams), but even then I have no time to do it!

My school exams officially ended on 3rd Dec, then I had JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) on 5th Dec. After that, 2 full day workshops on job seeking skills (career planning, writing resumes and cover letters, interviewing skills, networking skills, etc.) on 6th and 7th Dec. Then starting 8th Dec, internship at a games company and following right after, Nanjing with DC and returning the day before school reopens.

Wow.

Not to mention in between all these are organizing CCA events, meetings, planning for next semester, applying for internships/exchange programmes, etc.

Really hope I get to do some stuff on my list like:

1) REVAMP BLOG LAYOUT (can't stand my current layout anymore)

2) Read philosophy and write (think whether I want to pursue a Masters/PhD in philosophy -> if yes, upgrade from double major to double degree)

3) Restudy English (yes, really. My English is honestly horrible. I can do it together w/ my tutee and it'll benefit the both of us.)

Ok, back to choosing philo modules for next semester!

P/S, I'm going on a "ghosthunt" with Asia Paranormal Investigators tomorrow! xD

A Philosophy Exam Question

2010-11-28T19:02:00.002+08:00

Does it follow that we should be deontologists given that the problems with consequentialism are insolvable?

No.

Explain.

It is the opposite of yes.

-----------------------------------------------

2 more philosophy exams to go.

Conquering Procrastination

2010-11-20T23:17:00.002+08:00

It's the exam period! And also the procrastination period.

I've been suffering from procrastinating ever since Secondary school. I would do everything BUT study during exams...it's been getting worse after my initial spurt of determination to actually study in Uni :(

DC...knowing very well that I suffer from this problem, told me about this very very insightful article on why does one procrastinate and how to stop.

I think it's really true and helpful so I'll paste it here and hopefully it will help another poor soul suffering from procrastination. (It's in Chinese though...maybe I'll do a translation someday if anyone needs it)

-------------------------

上大学以后，我开始有了拖延的毛病。立下目标无数，但时常却动力奇缺，常常在网上浏览着各色的小说和帖子，或是玩很无聊的弱智在线小游戏，却不愿碰专业书本或文献一下，甚至哪怕deadline就在几天之后，只有在deadline之前一点点时间才会因紧迫感而开始着手学习任务。这样下来，学业上总体来说算是马马虎虎，但却离自己的理想越来越远。总之，就是无法完全地上进，又不愿彻底地堕落。

拖延的基础，实际上是对自身很高甚至不切实际的期望。如果说完成任务是走过一块一人宽、十米长的厚木板，那么当它放在地面上时，几乎人人都可以轻松地走过。但对结果的高期望则像是将这块木板架到了两座高楼间十层楼高的地方，于是我们会害怕掉下去，即害怕失败或害怕成功（比如我有时偷偷希望实验不要成功，这样我就可以不用面对之后更大强度的后续实验，其实是害怕失败的一种变体），于是我们甚至不敢向前迈上一步。而deadline则是身后的一团火，当它离我们足够近时，害怕被烧着的恐惧感战胜了对掉下去的恐惧感，于是我们一下子冲了过去，在deadline前赶完了任务，尽管质量很难说。

更可怕的是，很多拖延的人（包括我自己）甚至很享受那种deadline过后突然一下放松的感觉，而且拖延的结果有时反而挺好（比如我本科时写实验报告，如果我拖到最后，我往往可能因为能够和其他人讨论并参考其他人的观点而比我先完成要写得更全面更好）。这种时候，我会在心里表扬自己很有“效率”。同时，长期这样下来，尽管我不愿承认，但我潜意识里确实觉得自己如果花了很多时间成绩却平平，会是一件非常丢脸的事情。于是这一切的一切，都再次强化的拖延—— 即使结果不好，我也可以说，那是因为我没尽全力，如果我真正努力，肯定会结果很好的（心理学上的高自尊人格）。

但我们不能永远靠放火来逼自己走过木板，那样的话，总会有烧着自己的一天；而且，那种压抑的焦虑感和对自己不满意的感觉也并不令人愉快。因此，最好的办法是将木板的高度降低——不要对自己的结果（比如分数）太高的要求，认真完成就好。由于我们的天资和其它能力的限制，也许即使我们竭尽全力也无法像某些出众人物一样做得那么好，但不管怎么样，绝大多数情况下，尽力的结果都会比我们不去努力要来得好得多，不是吗？

对此在豆瓣的那个帖子里有一个非常有趣的方法。那位作者将一篇论文拖了几个月之久都不愿开写，她的心理师让她不要管好坏，以她可以写出的最差的论文为目标写一篇出来作为试验。作者照做了，然后惊讶地发现她写出来的“最差”的文章竟然挺让自己满意的，感觉稍做修改就可以交给导师过目了。当然，有时写出来的初稿和论文要求还是有差距的，比如要求12页但初稿只有5页。这种情况下作者就用了心理师教她的另一个方法：每次工作一个小时，目标是让论文多一页，同样以“最差”为目标。这个方法实际就是大大降低了拖延者做事的心理成本和负担，相当于把“木板”放到了“地面”上。不妨一试。

人的完美倾向，严重点就是完美主义，在拖延中也起了很大作用。当我想起幼时的远大理想并希望为之努力时，我只要想起我的同学中无处不在的“牛人”，便会觉得自己已经浪费了太多时间，而且别人现在不仅比我强得多，更因为他自身的优势而占有了比我更好的资源，所以我现在即使努力估计也赶不上他了，更别提什么远大的理想了，于是就又开始了拖延。

事实上，这就像是一场马拉松，你在开始因为种种原因落后于别人不少，于是你就开始纠结自己到底有没有跑下去的必要，却不努力去跑，于是被拉得更远。这时，你望着遥远的终点，感觉很绝望，都不想跑下去了。这时，如果你不去看不去想重点，也不去想别人，只看着自己的脚下跑——“管它呢，我先跑过这个小土丘再说。”就这样一个小目标一个小目标地跑，最终你一定会跑到终点线，那时你也许会发现，你并不是最慢的，甚至是很不错的。所以，专注于你努力的过程而非最后的结果，为你认真学习了一个下午或认真做了一个实验而不是最后考试的那个A或一个漂亮的实验结果而表扬自己，你会发现完成工作其实不怎么难。

另外，专注于当下对拖延者来说也是很需要注意的一个地方。这里说的专注于当下，不是指专注于你现在脑子里的想法和情绪，而是专注于你现在在做的或选择要做的事情。其实，很多拖延的人恰恰就是太过关注自己一时的情绪，比如觉得自己不开心了，得放松一下，上上网……然后就开始了拖延。其实从心理学角度来说，过于关注自己一时的情绪是不懂得推迟满足感的一种表现，就像小孩子想要一个玩具就非要马上得到不可一样，这样的做法会大大削弱一个人的自制力。而且，心理学实验表明，满足自己一时的情绪需求并非最佳策略，从长期角度上来讲，它会降低一个人的自我满足感和幸福感而非增加，想想因为玩乐休闲而拖延了工作后自己的负罪感和焦虑感就知道了。

在这个方面，我个人认为森田疗法的理念是很适用的。具体而言，就是不去理会那些打搅你的情绪波动（比如对自己说：“你要郁闷就郁闷吧，不管你了。”然后就不理会了），顺其自然，专心做你要做的事情。就像一颗小石子投入湖中，会泛起一圈圈涟漪，你若不理，湖面最终会自己平静下来；倘若你过于注意那颗小石子，试图把它捞出来，反而会激起更大的波澜，使湖面不得平静。豆瓣那个帖子的作者提供了一个方法，我觉得也是很有用的：把你当时因为一时情绪想要做的事情（比如上网、玩游戏、看电影、看小说等等）记下来，告诉自己等你做完工作就去做那些事情，然后就专心工作，等到工作结束再去做记下的事情。

此外，不要为未来过度操心也是专注当下的一个方面。这点很容易理解，我就不在此赘言了。

同时，对于已经发生的不愉快的事情，或是对自己过去行为的不满，面对和接受好了，不必逃避。但面对和接受不是放任自流，而是不再沉浸于自责、痛苦等负面情绪中，客观地更好地理解当下的状况，进而为以后做打算。这一点可以和前文提到的“马拉松”的例子联系起来，只有真正面对和接受了你落后于别人的事实，你才不会为“我想得第一可是却落后别人那么多”之类的想法而纠结，进而才能以现实为基础，踏踏实实地努力去跑。

另外，在看书的时候（当然也有其它时候），很多人都常有“刚才看了好几页却不知道讲了些什么”的“不自主飞翔”的神游体验。对此，养成发现新事物的习惯，像初生的婴儿一样去看世界，是很有好处的。无论在什么环境中，时刻注意那些熟悉的东西有什么变化，比如看书，就可以注意想想这书里讲的和我以前知道的有什么不同又有什么联系、有什么很有意思的地方等等，慢慢地，就能做到专注于当下而不至于迷失。

战胜拖延，追根究底，还是要改变自己的思维方式。这并不容易，但不是不可能。改变思维方式，尤其是改变潜意识，最重要的是要改变自我对话的方式。下面是一些自我对话的tips（括号里是要丢弃的自我对话方式）：

1.我选择/我想要…… （vs.我必须/我一定得……）

2.这个任务我可以每次做一小步（vs.这个任务太大了）

3.我今天要开始做…… （vs.我今天必须完成……）

4.我也可以是平凡人（vs.我必须完美/出类拔萃）

5.我一定要休息娱乐/休息娱乐是正常生活的一部分（vs.我没空休息娱乐/休息娱乐就是偷懒）

我想大多数有拖延情况的人也许都还没到严重成“症”的地步，但也或多或少地被它影响了生活，影响了对心中理想的追寻。克服一个问题并不简单，需要自己给自己很多的支持与鼓励，期间也许会有许多的反复，但只要我们的大方向是好的，我们就该肯定自己。

“认识到眼前残酷（这个词程度太深，但我想不出换什么好）的现实，同时又看到未来的光明与希望。”这是我一直很欣赏的对生活的态度。

谨以此文共勉。^_^

Source: 陈达成的日志

---------------------

It won't be easy to kick the procrastination tendencies...but I'll do my best.

Movie Review: Let Me In !!!

2010-11-15T02:21:00.004+08:00

Thanks to OMY, DC and I got to watch Let Me In a month before it's even released in Singapore!

Where do I start, I have so much to say!

It's rare that I have so much to say about a movie...I mean look, I slept through Star Trek and Transformers 2 in the cinema with all explosions going on the screen. Says something about this movie right!

The movie revolves around a boy whose neighbour is actually a vampire... Ok, this sentence does no justice to how awesome the movie is but I can't say too much and give everything away...So I'm going to give you a few reasons why you should watch this movie:

1) If you like vampire stuff, this is WAY WAY WAY more awesome than Twilight. The movies I mean, not the book. Twilight (book) was awesome, but man...the movies totally kill the story. Guess it's hard to act out the emotional turmoil that Stephenie Meyer so adeptly puts us into. Ok, I digress. Anyway, after this watching this movie...I realized that Meyer has given us such a perfect representation of vampires. Vampires: Beings superior to us in every way, including looks, with warm passionate hearts but with poor trapped souls due to the unfortunate fact that they have to drink blood to live. Talk about giving us girls a lollipop to suck...Meyer is totally riding on the fact that we're suckers for poor trapped souls that are handsome, perfect and unbelievably romantic in every way. This movie will change all that. It will snap you out of the Ooohhh-Edward-I-Love-You-Soooo Trance. Get ready for REAL vampires, the ones that are not as lovable but so much more real. Gawd, now that I think about it...How hard is it for Bella to love someone as perfect as Edward? True love, my foot. This movie will get you thinking about real vampires.

2) Fantastic plot. It's a remake of the original movie "Let The Right One In" which is based on a Swedish book of the same name. The story is extremely well-crafted and gets you thinking about a lot. It manages to be haunting, emotional and deeply unsettling...I just couldn't stop thinking about it after the movie. It is that awesome. A warm yet tragic romance that beats Twilight hands down.

3) Both DC and I are obsessed about the movie! DC was impressed enough with the movie to wiki it! We are going to watch the original movie soon and I'm going to get my hands on the book somehow. No way we'll do this if the movie was crappy right?

4) If you're afraid of gore and blood and violence but your friend dares you to watch a horror movie then watch this! It is much less horrifying than the normal horror movie...those that make you scream and shut your eyes throughout them. This is horrifying in the emotional sense, and much more meaningful.

5) Personal recommendation! Even if I wasn't obligated to write this review, I would still recommend it. I'm a sucker for good stories and I'm really glad I watched this. I feel like I've amassed yet another "beauty" from this world.

Can't wait to read the book!

Catch Let Me In in cinemas from 9th December 2010~!

KL: Off we go!

2010-10-29T00:21:00.001+08:00

Awesome breakfast before boarding the coach to KL! =D

Lol, morning hair.

Wheee~ off we go! Our first overseas trip together ♥

Rant of the day: Criteria - plural; criterion - singular. No such thing as criterias. This i will remember well.

郎君 & 爱妻 in KL

2010-10-27T01:01:00.000+08:00

As I promised, short posts more often!

A photo from my KL trip with DC! ~ :D

Some nifty thing we bought from Central Market in KL.

It's the Chinese groom and bride!

They are still hanging from our handphones now ^.^

Rant of the day: It seems like I have to wear formal attire for consecutive 3 days this week...God save my feet from the high heels... :O

Spooktacular 2010 @ Sentosa

2010-10-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

Have no time to blog!!!

2000 word political philosophy essay already overdue to write... :(

Meanwhile, shall entertain you with a photo from Spooktacular @ Sentosa!

A love transcending worlds.

LOL!

We got to go thanks to Nuffnang! :D :D

I don't really think haunted houses is really my thing...no point cus I'm will be super on guard and check every corner looking out for people clad in scary costumes waiting to scare me.

In the end I didn't get spooked at all...but it was worth it cus I got to hear DC scream twice. LOL.

He was like "AhhhHHHHHHH!" when a previously motionless girl suddenly stood up and screamed at him.

The Tiger Tower thingy was really disappointing cus it's really the normal thing except with Halloween music. -__- We were expecting people hanging on wires floating around to scare us, which was what we heard from someone behind us. How disappointing.

I was really impressed with how the "scary people" walking around could stand not bursting out in laughter while they did their thing. There was this guy who even tried sneaking up on one of them and scream...but the scary person didn't even flinch and just continued his slow and hypnotic walk...

Like wow, how did learn that?

That's all for today! Will try to blog short entries on a higher frequency...the philosophy stuff probably have to wait till the holdiays ~

YOG Volunteers Appreciation Party @ Universal Studios !

2010-10-12T13:23:00.000+08:00

As some sort of Thank You for helping out with YOG, all of us got tickets to have fun at Universal Studios for 1 night!

It's really awesome cus we all know the rides at Universal Studios closes at 7pm, but we get to experience them at night exclusively!

Fellow volunteers streaming in ~

I was literally hopping with excitement at this point of time.

Someone please bring me to Disneyland! :D

Guess who went with me???

Lol DC of cos! Thanks to Zac for the ticket, he couldn't go cus of NS (poor thing...).

Wanted to take a picture with the characters, but there was always a queue...

So here I present...a very blur KungFu Panda.

The only thing DC volunteered to take pictures with - Cars outside Mel's Drive In.

Nom nom nom, everyone's really hungry.

I think this is the cheapest restaurant in Universal Studios, hence also the busiest.

It's like our regular fastfood restaurants, except a little more expensive. Around 9 bucks for a meal.

The performance right outside where we were eating.

Love the decor! Old jukeboxes, brightly coloured seats...

Not a very glam photo...it was the end of a hectic school day after all.

Their "regular" sized drinks which even DC couldn't finish.

I don't think this has ever happened before...hmmm...

Madagascar! There was this gigantic boat ride that wasn't open yet...Boo :(

I hope that by sitting on this helps to compensate DC's lack of childhood lol xD

Yay!! Far away Land!

Every little girl's dream come true!

While queuing up for the Enchanted Airways ride...

Shhh, GingerBread Man is sleeping inside...and drooling ~

Wheee~

Enchanted Airways Departure Times!

I thought it was a pretty decent ride...until another ride that totally blows me away later.

The Lost World! Rawr! ~

Baby dinosaurssssss~

Eygpt! The best "world" ever!

The structures are huge and breathtaking...makes me really want to go see the real thing.

At the entrance of the best ride in Universal Studios!

Yes! The Revenge of the Mummy ride!!!

I suggest this you save this for last, otherwise you'll find all the other rides a bore.

You've been warned!

It's really awesome, zooming in pitch black darkness, fire, chill, storyline and of course backwards motion...it's all there!

I'd gone more than twice if we had more time :(

Mummy: -distressed look in her eyes- Nooo, don't hurt me. Please!

Streetview of Hollywood!

Hollywood is where most of the restaurants are, so happy eating!

Waiting for Shrek 4D to start...

Do you know what's the 4th dimension? I didn't...we'll find out soon enough!

Poor little pigs... (In jail: Oink!!)

Little did we know, that we would be seeing Pinochio very very soon.

4D glasses? No la, just plain ol' 3D glasses.

Shrek 4D is starting!!!

Can you spot Pinochio's skinny legs and his long nose?

At this point of time I found out what 4D meant.

It means spraying water, rocking seats, spurts of air .etc

Found the sprays of water fun at first...not so much at the end though.

Small ferris wheel ride for kids ~

It's really clever how every time you get out of a ride, it leads you to the souvenir store.

Last stop of the day, Water World!

Cool show with lots of real explosion and destruction going on.

Haha, we rushed to have one last go at the Revenge of the Mummy ride before heading home.

Fantastic day :D:D:D

Blog about my KL trip soon! ^^

The 199 Shop !

2010-09-30T20:04:00.002+08:00

Advertorial

Sorry for not updating for so long!!

Have been busy with school, midterm tests, projects and going to Kuala Lumpur with DC! (muahaha! ♥♥♥)

Guess what arrived in the mail last week???

Fabulous clothes from The 199 Shop!

I've been so busy clearing up undone work to prepare for our KL trip that I had no time to buy new clothes to wear during the trip!

But luckily I could shop online at my convenience at The 199 Shop!

As the name suggests, NOTHING IS OVER $19.90 !!!

Can you believe it?!

After purchasing from so many blogshops/online stores selling the same overpriced but low quality stuff, honestly I was quite tired of online shopping.

The 199 Shop was really a breath of fresh air for me... Their items are so unique and they bring in new stuff so often!

They have like different themes every time and they bring in new apparels according to their theme! Like Sweet Soliders (military theme! ♥), Going Corporate, Tribal Chic and coming up next is Explorer! ~

I find myself going back every time just to check up on what new pretty clothes they have!

Ok, enough talk, these are some of clothes I picked!

I got this in Navy Blue! But I couldn't find the picture for it cus it's already sold out! Boo hoo!

Where else can you buy a suspender dress like this in Singapore for less than $20 ?!

I got black military flare shorts that looks something like this but it's already sold out too! Girls, hurry up before all the good buys get snapped up! =D

Now time for some pictures of me wearing them!

Ok, first attempt at "modeling" clothes - pardon the awkward expression.

Ack, can see the tan line on my arm so clearly -.-

My absolute favourite piece from all the stuff I ordered! ♥

Love it cos the nylon material really has a slimming effect!

Want this awesome dress too?

♥ Go check out The 199 Shop for good quality apparels at competitive prices! ♥

I'm sure there'll be something you like! :D

www.the199shop.com

That's all for now, blog again soon! (:

University is Crazy!

2010-09-15T10:35:00.000+08:00

My life is a juggling act - maintaining good grades (attempting, and failing.), 4 CCAs, leadership roles, 6 tuition lessons per week.

Not to mention now is the season to send out internships, scholarships and exchange applications.

I am filling up so many application forms, writing so many essays, photocopying so many certificates and qualifications, requesting so many recommendation letters...

In retrospect, I quite like this part about University. There's so many opportunities to do so many different things, but unlike all your schools before, no one will say "Hey, I signed you up for this. Please fulfill this role 2 times a week and you'll get into a good Uni/job." It's all up to how much initiative you want to take.

A year ago when I just entered University, I had the attitude that "I must get really good grades even if it means I have to take fewer modules than others and graduate later than them." But when the notion that I was turning 20 hit me, I realized that much more than anything else - time was of essence. I don't have the luxury of stubbornly sitting on my fantasy of getting good grades, and miss out on everything else...it is a price too high to pay.

I've always had a one-track mind, when I was focused on something I would abandon everything else to do it. Whether it's playing computer games, training for competition, or studying, it was always like that. In University I learnt (and still trying) to pick things up as I go, and to let go of things easier. You didn't get selected for that position? Try for another. You didn't do well for this quiz? Do better next time. You screwed up today's presentation? Make up for it in other ways.

This is so contrasting to all my schooling life previously when PSLE, Olevels, Alevels was DA BOMB. You work hard for whole of 6 years, 4 years, 2 years for that and if you screw that up you are a goner.

In University, if you wallow in self-pity every half a year when you get your results, nothing will ever start. You just gotta get up and move on.

I think Uni is where real life starts.

Singapore City Pass Media Launch !

2010-09-08T03:03:00.000+08:00

The Glitterati+ bunch was invited to another awesome event last week!

The media launch of the Singapore City Pass!!!

We met at the Tourist Hub @ Singapore Flyer to collect our Singapore City Passes!

And our VIP tags! Muahaha! :D

The Singapore City Pass is actually a really small sticker that you can stick on your phone, wallet, or anywhere.

Love the anti-slip texture! I still have it on my phone now cus it keeps my phone from slipping off the table!

Boarding the FunVee bus...Time to tap our Singapore City Passes!

First time sitting on an open-top bus!!!It was fabulous! Wind blowing in our faces, zooming past people and cars...felt like I was on a Vacation Trip ~ :D

And we are heading to...Underwater World!

Then again at the Ticketing Booth...

Tapping our Singapore City Passes!

Group photo with our performers of the day, together with their Ukeleles... Before we proceed to...

The very inviting Dolphin Suite!!! ~

Had free time after refreshments so it's Picture Taking time ~

Nothing beats chilling around in an air-con lounge, with a glass of lime juice in hand and...

Watching dolphin performances right beneath us! Awesome right?!?! That's why it's called the Dolphin Suite!

Best view ever + all the audiences were like sitting in open-air in the hot afternoon while we were just peering down from our wonderful air-conned room while sipping juice ~ XD

Time for the Singapore City Pass presentation!

The Singapore City Pass allows you to See More, Do More and Get More!

It can be can be loaded with admission to attractions, meal vouchers, club events, concert events or even gift vouchers for retail items such as gifts ~

It's great cos you can save more than 45% when you purchase flexible packages using your Singapore City Pass and enjoy exclusive discounts and rewards when you spend at participating merchants!

Photo of City Tours and fellow trade partners!

We got these cool polaroid-like photos before we left!

So thoughtful of them!
'
What's more....Guess what I found in the goodie bag I got from them???

Oooo a cute penguin! ~ ~

Click on the penguin to find out more about Singapore City Pass!!!

Thanks to City Tours and Nuffnang for the invite! We all had a great time! :D

Heels, Skirt Suits, Networking & Philosophical Inferiority Complex

2010-08-27T11:27:00.000+08:00

Ok we all know that is going to be a rant. xD

YOG is going to be over soon...tomorrow will be the last time I'll be reporting to the Youth Olympic Village, take photos will all the Uzbekistan people and it's sayonara! ~

Busy week as expected, but what was especially stressful was this Banking and Finance Industry Networking session with Citibank, Merrill Lynch and Barclays. I totally had to ran out to get 2 inch court shoes and skirt suits the night before (wtf??) cos we were only told we were selected the 2 days before the event. -.-

It was my first networking event and I was completely freaking out cos stupid G2000 was having sale everywhere and I couldn't find a matching skirt suit to save my life.

It has also eluded me how people can manage to walk up to big shots and chat like old friends, then unabashedly ask for their emails and lobangs (opportunities).

And most interestingly, how females manage to survive on heels all day, everyday. I was on heels for 1.5 hours for the trip to NUS, then another 2 hours for the event. During this time, I hit my head twice on the roof of the NUS shuttle bus (cos I wasn't used to the extra height, and I'm already pretty tall), befriended a blister, and had the pads of my feet groaning in protest like they were tortured.

Thank god I brought flats to change into. Amen.

Oh wells, it's over. And it wasn't as scary as I thought. They were pretty friendly. Got a few emails, now I just have to shamelessly write "follow up" emails to them and say "Hi! Rmb me? ...." according to the 'Guide to Networking' document we received. 0_0

As for school, all is...not well. Flunked my philo quizzes... (it pains me to say that) and I'm suffering from Philosophical Inferiority Complex as the title of this post suggests.

It is the overwhelming feeling that everyone is class is better than you in Philosophy (particularly, PH2203 Moral Philosphers) and because of that, you are starting to dread lecture and tutorials because this is when their exceeding superiority is shoved right into your face and you can't banish it into some corner of your subconsciousness.

Bahhhh...good luck to me.

Busy As Hell

2010-08-16T21:46:00.000+08:00

I am going crazy with the convergence of EVERYTHING.

6 modules in school, Japanese, YOG, Tuitions, CCA stuff...exco recruitment, MSAT, welcome tea, TGNMC....

1st week of lectures, I really felt like "oooo~~ I really wana learn about this and study this so much (referring solely to philosophy & japanese)!" But hell, no time.

I even freaking missed my tutorial balloting by pressing the submit button 36 blardy seconds after the deadline...cus I was rushing a presentation...

Win, Shu Fen...win liao!!

Argh, I'm so screwed.

Oh yea, it doesn't help that I'm sick.

Hopefully I will die from it and it will all end... (ok kidding, I don't really want to die...I think I'll give up my tuitions first lol)

What happened to my slack anime-watching life???

I know you're gona say I brought it upon myself and yada yada...

Well, I know. But I can rant about it right?

(Side note: I may seem like I'm a bit on the insane side, but I assure you I'm fine in real life...maybe just a little stressed out.)

Anyway...random pics from Daiso ~~

Cute....soya sauce containers???

One piece of advice from me if you're a Iphone/Ipod user: If your USB charger ever spoils, buy it from Daiso.

Don't be stupid like me and spend $8 on another one that doesn't even look half as good as the Daiso one.

The famous japanese drink!!! Ramune（ラムネ）! It's basically a soda drink but it tastes awesome but doesn't leave an aftertaste in your mouth like other drinks! Go get it from Daiso and try it! I swear it's much better than Coke or 100 plus or 7up or whatever!

Till next time ~~~
Hopefully things will get better.

Saturday at Wendy's !

2010-08-08T17:54:00.000+08:00

Was having lessons in the morning...

and when I came out of the classroom, guess what I saw???

DC, there waiting for me outside with flowersssss!!! :D :D

I was mad happy! xD

Seriously, flowers really do make girls happy. It's not as if love flowers a lot a lot or what, just that it totally says "You are worth buying this overpriced ornament for."

Then we went to Wendy's! It finally opened after being closed for so long due to the flash floods!

It's just a normal fast food chain with more stuff like baked potatoes and beef soups.

DC says it's really popular in the US! That explains the unusually large proportion of Caucasians in the restaurant...

They have nice seats! That's a point scorer for me.

DC munching on a fry, analyzing it and telling me that Wendy's, like McDonald's, make their fries from mashed potatoes instead of whole potatoes. :D

Their burger was ok only, but their chicken was really nice and tender!

Hahaha, a must to take pictures with the flowers! xD

Can you see how happy I was? =DD

これはやっぱり幸せと言う物何でしょう？

Muacks! <3

Thanks my dear for being so sweet...

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥