Work

That’s pretty much it. I work the equivalent of two full-time jobs. A day-job and I freelance every night and all weekend. It leaves little time for much else. In fact I’m taking a break from working to write this post. I’ve had a number of concerned emails from people worrying about why I’ve been MIA so I figured I’d take a break from work to fill in the blanks.

Sade has been pretty much in the same situation. Between work and school there’s little time for socializing. There are some of our close friends who we used to see every week who we haven’t seen in months.

2015 was supposed to be the year my back got better post-surgery yet that didn’t work out. I continue to go to the doctor for pain mediation and decide what my next step should be surgery-wise but it’ll be a while before I can save up enough for the surgery.

I’ve had to cut back on the podcast as well. Where I used to put out an episode every other week I’m now forced to release one every other month at best. So instead of 24 episodes per year It’ll be 6 in 2016 if I’m lucky.

This is not due to a lack of interest in the podcast nor has it been due to the lack of great people to interview, I have a number of interviews in the vault just waiting to be released but no time to edit them.

I wish I could say I’ll be able to get back to a “normal” life sometime soon, back to socializing, play-parties, quality time with Sade and friends but that doesn’t seem like it’ll happen any time soon. I don’t work this much because I want to, I do it because I have no other choice. As long as the medical bills keep piling up I’ll need to pay for them.

I am grateful that I’m able to have two full-time jobs. I have friends who have trouble finding work at all so having too much work is much better than too little.

So that’s, that. Who knows I may win the lottery or I’ll get some sweet gig that would change all of this but in the meantime if you’re wondering why I haven’t posted, it’s because I’m working.

It’s from Polish photographer Aneta Kowalczyk (click for a larger image)

 The description says “The Pleasure of extreme measures can overcome the desire for being wanted, fashion can play a game within the art of seduction, power and influence over our opponents, but better yet, over us.”

I have no idea what that means.

Other times she says she wants me to go down on her or that it’s time to fuck.

It’s at a point now where she’ll walk in the room after showering and before getting dressed and I just assume its fuck-time only to realize shortly after I stand that she’s just in the room to say something. It’s rare that she walks in naked without a sexual demand so it’s a shock when there isn’t.
The other day she walks in the room naked and I start to put my laptop down only to find it’s a false alarm.

“Oh…is there ANYTHING ELSE you need? Anything?”

She’s got me trained that walking in the living room naked means sex.
It’s not just me though, she equates me not wearing glasses as sex time since it’s one of the few times I’m not wearing glasses.

Actually I don’t know why I haven’t tried it. Take off my glasses while we’re just talking and see if she starts showing signs.

Another trigger is Christmas lights. Not because we fuck under a tree every year but because we have Christmas lights in our room for mood lighting while fucking. Almost always we have them on if fucking at night. One time Sade plugged them in for some other non-sex reasons and I started getting hard.

Words work too. Whenever Sade says “oh fuck” as an exclamation I immediately think of her having an orgasm, even if she’s not saying it with the same enthusiasm that she uses when we’re in bed.

There’s a look Sade gets when she’s fucking me (pegging). It’s a look in her eyes and a smile she really only has in that mode. It’s a combination of sadism, control and arousal. Every now and then that smile will come out in unrelated moments and I’m immediately thrown when I see it since I almost exclusively see it when I’m on my back and her hands are holding my ankles. The smile and the fire in her eyes burns even brighter when she makes me orgasm over and over without any control. We could make a 30 second porn with just that look on her face and probably retire today.

She has a million smiles but that one is reserved for fucking me.

Once at a the end of a party a domme friend expressed feeling frustrated.

“Want him to eat you out? He’s really good”

I just stood there stupefied slightly turned on at the thought and slightly nervous that I wouldn’t live up to the hype.

Sade’s friend was surprised at the offer, thought about it for a moment then declined. Instead Sade had me give her a massage.
Not long later Sade offered oral from me to yet another friend who was also slightly shocked, pondered and declined.

“You sure? I think it’ll help you”. She was sure to only offer friends who were single and in need.

This happened a few times more, Sade just offering up my mouth only to be surprised that she didn’t have any takers.

Eventually she stopped offering at all but she still expresses shock when she remembers there were no takers.

My 2nd job takes up so much of my time and the thought is that getting a service submissive to help pick up some of the slack would make things a bit easier.

The biggest issue is my hangup with not being comfortable with another male submissive in the house serving her. A female submissive is another story in my mind, it’s weird and it’s a hangup I really wish I didn’t have.

It’s similar to how I feel about anything sexual between Sade and I and another person. A female submissive has things that I can’t offer and I have things a female sub can’t offer. I wouldn’t feel the same type of jealousy or competition or worry if there was a female submissive here.

We’ve actually had a female sub over for service once and I was much more comfortable than I had imagined I would be. She only came over to our place once and that was it but I worried about it the days leading up to it and when it happened I was only slightly uncomfortable and didn’t feel like I was in competition or anything….super casual.

The problem is, I know it would be easier for Sade to find a submissive guy than finding a submissive woman. It’s just my hang-ups and worry that keeps it limited to a female sub. I hate myself for feeling that way but there it is and Sade respects that even though it makes things harder for her.

I know right now someone is thinking “Well if you really wanted to please her you’d be fine with a submissive guy coming over”. I know, right? This is what I tell myself over and over. I’m standing in the way something being easier for her. Trust me, those words pop into my head every time the subject comes up and it makes me angry at myself.

So I don’t know. It’s not like Sade is actively looking for anyone for the position. If a female came up to her she’d probably entertain the idea if she was a fit. She’s mentioned that if we did have a submissive here then I’d be the “Alpha sub”. I don’t know exactly how that would look but it sounds like she’d have me help delegate things.

I think about it often and it comes out the same way:

Idea of a female sub servicing Sade = “Not a threat and could be fun?”
Idea of a male sub serving Sade = “Who’s that creepy asshat make him go the fuck away”

Take a listen below

I know what you’re thinking…Jersey? Well thankfully all the action takes place in a hotel that’s filled with nothing but kinky people No need to hide the kink, no need to worry about what the neighbors might think as you leave the apartment covered in leather and a Richard Nixon mask (hey don’t judge me).

Sade is giving a presentation on how to rock it while wearing a strap-on, I’ll be doing interviews for the podcast in our hotel room and we plan on making a lot of new friends.

Above all l’m looking forward to being able to stay in D/s mode with Sade for a whole weekend without any interruptions.

We even recorded a mini-episode to get ourselves warmed up for it.

Well my friends the future is here. No longer will you or your partner need to rush to coordinate erections with a failed chemistry set. No more messy cleanup because you thrust yourself into the canister a little too fast. No more worrying you’ll lose your erection because there’s a joke photo of a clown on the fridge and you’re doing this in the kitchen because it’s easier to clean up the above mess.

I’ve mentioned my friends at New York Toy Collective before. They make amazing dildos of various kinds, lovingly crafted right here in NYC and now they’re doing 3D penis scan and replicas with their project Rival Mi.

This isn’t anything new for them, they’ve been doing it for quite a while but now they’ve got even newer scanning equipment.

If you want to learn more just head over to the website, you can find out how they used 3D penis scanning to help someone in need by checkout out the video below.

Note: The tech used to scan is even more modern now than in the video, it doesn’t require anyone else to run the scanner, it’s just you  (a friend can join you in the room if you could use some company/support/inspiration/helping hand)

X-Men #170

The big trigger revolved around the main plot.  The leader off a band of subterrainian mutants, Callisto, kidnaps the X-man Angel  to take him as her mate.

I found two panels that really did it for me. )

The first is an image of Callisto having pierced Angel’s wings and bound him to a wall.  In the panel she declares..well a bunch of stuff but the key is:

“As for why Angel’s here — every princess must have her prince and as for me who more fitting ..than the most beautiful man in the world”

I read this long before I even knew what sex was but I must have looked at this a billion times and never wanted to be a superhero as much ad I did then.

But it gets better.

(Wait I should say right here that I know Angel eventually loses his wings due to this scene but it wasn’t that obvious at the time and..there’s no blood here or anything and besides I was a kid)

And yeah..it gets better.

Pretty blatantly She looks at him, holding his face and says:

“Comfy my pretty-pretty? Looking forward to our wedding night? I certainly am.”

Again I’m a kid, I didn’t know exactly what happened on the wedding night but I knew SOMETHING happened and it involved nakedness.

Later Storm fights Callisto, kicks her ass and frees Angel.  So essentially two women are fighting over him and the kid version of me didn’t know it but this idea was going to define my kind of D/s.   A strong dominant woman desires me so much that she’s willing to take me for herself, slap me up on a wall and while it may hurt she doesn’t want me injured so much that I can’t fuck…I just cant’ fly.  Wait that came out all wrong but you get the idea.

No bit of femdom porn would define my sexuality as much as this and other slightly-similar scenes would.