Few couples, especially in the early years of marriage, are independently wealthy. That means a lot of decisions must be made in relationship to

How can money destroys a relationship

money. Some potentially volatile questions pertaining to a couple’s finances include:

1. Who earns the money, one or both?
2. How will the money be spent?
3. Who will manage the checkbook?
4. What is each person’s attitude about credit spending?
5. How much should be saved?
6.Should the couple buy a house, or rent?
7. What is communal property and what belongs to each?

These questions are only examples of the kinds of financial issues with which married couples have to struggle. According to marriage counselors, conflict over money is one of the primary reasons given by couples for seeking professional help.

Serious conflict may be avoided, however, if attitudes and philosophies about finances are clearly communicated prior to marriage, and continually during the marriage to save troubled unhappy relationship

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All serious relationship can be easily solved with in depth relationship communication.  We often avoid THOUGHT PROVOKING QUESTIONS ~  most people don’t even think of asking but are absolutely necessary if you want to have a happy relationship.

By understanding your current style of intimate relationship, you can understand the next step you need to take. Which of the three styles is most like your current or recent relationship, Dependence, 50/50, or Intimate Communion?

What is intimacy

Each of these three styles is also a stage that you can grow through, if you are willing to be lovingly humorous about your own patterns in intimacy.

1. Dependence Relationship
“Men are men and women are women.”
In the imaginary video, were you viewing a man and a woman in the abandoned throes of sexual ecstasy, or was the man subjugating, biting, and penetrating the woman against her will? In a Dependence Relationship, sex and power are often painfully mixed up; partners often confused some version of the master/slave relationship with real love. They are engaged in some kind of power play. In a Dependence Relationship, one partner often needs to feel in control while the other partner often gives up his or her authentic power in order to feel loved and accepted.

Find out more  what other two styles of intimacy??

Sexual attraction plays a major part in bringing two people together and leading to marriage. A major component of continued satisfaction in marriage is a quality sexual relationship. A mutually satisfying sexual relationship, however, does not just happen automatically. As with other aspects of personality, a partner’s sexuality is individual. Each person should approach the sexual relationship with respect and understanding for the other. Some general observations and considerations about the sexual relationship might include the following:

*Sexual relationship and other aspects of marital life are interrelated, meaning that conflict or intense concern over money, for example, can detract from sexual interest.

*Each partner may have different ideas about what is “right” and what is “wrong” in sex life. In reality, there are no “rights” or “wrongs” in sexual activity between a couple, except what each may believe to be acceptable or unacceptable behavior. Personal beliefs should be honored and respected.

*As is mutually agreeable between the two partners, it is a good idea to experiment with ways to keep the sexual relationship from becoming boring or routine.

*Try not to be overly influenced by sexuality portrayed in the media, movies, or television. Only you and your partner can decide what is acceptable and satisfying for the two of you. Don’t try to fit your relationship into someone else’s idea of what is “normal” sexual behavior.

*Continue to learn more about your partner than about specific sex techniques. Maleness and femaleness is mysterious; try to be open to learn about that mystery.

*Some make sex a weapon in dealing with other conflicts in their relationship. Doing so magnifies the original problem, and can lead to sexual problems as well.

As with other issues in the marriage partnership, a satisfying sex life depends a great deal on open channels of communication. Try to deal with conflict situations as they arise, so they won’t have an adverse effect on your sexual relationship.

It is difficult to be romantic or sexually responsive when other conflictual issues are pending. Don’t be afraid to discuss your sex life with your partner. Share with him or her your likes, dislikes, feelings, desires, fantasies, etc. Share and learn together.

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Marriage is still the prominent partnered relationship in our culture ,

What is marriage

and the negative stereotypes of marriage portrayed in movies and on television.

Although one of every two new marriages end in divorce, many couples feel the ideal situation is  one man and one woman committed to a life-long marital relationship. And many such couples sincerely vow to remain in their
marriage “til death do us part.”

A number of stumbling blocks inevitably arise to challenge the couple’s best intentions. For example, young couples often fail to see things realistically. Caught up in the romance and in the excitement of wedding plans, many couples are unable to envision what their relationship will be like on a routine, day-to-day basis.

For those anticipating a Cinderella-like happily-ever-after storybook marriage year after year, disappointment is likely to come sooner or later. Conflict, crises, and daily hassles are part of virtually every marriage relationship.

Discussing important issues like money, children, role expectations, sex, and in-laws before marriage will help set the stage for a smoother relationship.

The single most accurate word to describe what happens in a new marriage is “change.” Anything which can be done to help prepare for the inevitable changes of marriage is a good investment in the relationship.

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Like it or not, marrying someone usually involves the formation of several relationships other than the husband-wife union. A person entering marriage automatically gains a father-in-law, a mother-in-law, sisters- or brothers-in-law, plus a variety of extended family members related to your new spouse. Although you don’t technically marry the whole family, your relationship to your spouse may be largely affected by how well you get along with his/her family. Realistically, it is important to remember that your spouse will likely reflect the values, attitudes, personality, and behaviors which you observe in his/her parent and grandparent generations.

Helpful hints for a positive relationship with your new family might include:

*Respect your in-laws as family members of the spouse you love.
*Don’t compare your spouse’s family with your own.
*Don’t run to your own parents for support when you have conflict with your spouse.
*Don’t direct anger you may feel for your spouse toward his or her family.
*Establish a family atmosphere that avoids a contest between your two families for your time, attention and affection.
*Treat both families equally and fairly.
*As a couple, try to establish as much independence from both families as possible. For example, it may create conflict to borrow money from in-laws.

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First, ultimatums box people into a comer and limit and distort their choices. An aggressive and obnoxious sense of  pressure is added to an already difficult decision, which seems to create an almost universal repulsion.

Second, even if the person demanding the ultimatum ends up getting what he or she wants, they are often resented and retaliated against by the person to whom they issued the ultimatum.

For example, Jean says to Robert, “If you don’t agree to attend my family reunion I won’t talk to you for a week and you can forget about borrowing my car.” Robert may end up going—but resent the entire trip and harbor negative thoughts about Jean for a long time to come. He may find ways to “get back at her” and may even lose respect for her for painting him into a corner.

In the long run, a more effective way to ask would have been for Jean to say, “I’d really love for you to be there with me. I hate to put such pressure on you, but I have to admit that I’ll be very disappointed if you don’t come.”

Not always, but often, an ultimatum stems from the fear that, in the absence of the ultimatum, you’re not going to get what you want. So, out of desperation, you demand it, attaching a serious consequence—hoping that will do the trick. The problem is, you push the person away far more often than you frighten someone into doing it your way.

What’s most important here is to simply see that it’s best to avoid ultimatums whenever possible. You’ll probably end up getting more of what you want anyway—and without question, your relationship will be on a more solid footing. So stop giving ultimatums—or else!

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The reason this process is so powerful is that it helps you put more emphasis and attention on what’s right with your relationship and with your life—what’s working, what you’re grateful about, and what’s not bothering you—these and other factors that keep you from sweating the small stuff. It also brings to the surface ideas and tips on how each of you can become more relaxed and loving.

Jennifer had spent most of her life “holding on” to things that bothered her. Usually, when someone would do something she didn’t like, she would hold a grudge, or at least hold it against chat person for a long, long time. At
times, this made her come across as harsh and demanding.

One day, however, all of that began to change. Someone at work had taken credit for an idea that she had developed. To make matters worse, her co-worker not only stole her idea, but was offered a special project in recognition of her “creative thinking.”

Even if she wanted to, there was nothing Jennifer could do about it, as there was no realistic way to prove the injustice. For a while she fell into her old habit and was furious. She was playing out a war (with her co-worker) in
her mind, thinking of ways she might retaliate.

Then, she had an insight. She realized that her own thinking was making matters worse than they already were and that she was blowing the incident out of proportion. She decided that she was tired of being angry and resentful and that she was Anally ready to try something different. For a long time, Jennifer wanted to be happy. She had been reading about the power of forgiveness and had understood it, on an intellectual level. However, until this experience, she hadn’t been able to put forgiveness into practice.

Because of the blatant nature of the situation, she decided that this was the perfect opportunity to practice it.

She decided to forgive, and as soon as she did, her heart began to open. She began to relax, just enough to become more accepting of the situation and to lee go of her resentment. She realized that a vast majority of the time
people were honest and didn’t steal ideas from her, or others. Further, she came to the conclusion that the person who stole her idea needed not hatred, but compassion.

She shared her insight of forgiveness with her boyfriend. He was so impressed with her ability to open her heart in a difficult situation that it opened the door to a brand-new type of communication between them.

The new level of depth in their communication and in their relationship was impressive. It led to other instances when Jennifer was able to choose forgiveness over resentment and deepened their relationship.

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Over the years, I’ve learned that when my thoughts start getting a little crazy or when I’m in a particularly melancholy mood, I take a look at my calendar, and lo and behold, it’s usually a week or so before my period. Everyday, ordinary events that are usually taken in stride suddenly seem like irritants or emergencies.

As if it wasn’t bad enough to go through PMS yourself, it’s even worse that your partner has to share this experience with you.

It’s important for women not to use PMS as an ongoing excuse to blow up, or for irrational behavior. On the other hand, it’s helpful to become aware of your symptoms and to understand that what you are feeling, due to PMS, makes everything look worse than it really is; little things are blown out of proportion.

Understanding this helps you make certain allowances for the way you are feeling. You can begin to understand that, despite the urgency and frustration you feel, things are not as bad as they seem. PMS might be seen as the ultimate form of a low mood. And, as in any low mood, the best you can usually do is understand that “this too shall pass,”

Sharing this information with your partner will help him understand these timely and predictible moods you go through. You’ll find it enormously helpful if both of you make a mental note or mark your calendar. Ideally, each of you can make special allowances during this difficult time and, hard as it may be, try to be extra compassionate and patient.

It’s important to keep your perspective about life during these times. With perspective and awareness, you realize that, despite what it looks and feels like, life really hasn’t temporarily gone crazy. This reminds you that your ability to deal with stress will soon return to normal.

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How to appreciate your man

The human mind is an amazing thing in that, whatever it’s looking for, it tends to find. So, if you’re looking for ugliness, you’ll have no trouble finding it. If you’re looking for cruelty, again, you’ll find plenty of evidence of that, too. And if you’re looking for beauty, you’ll be able to find that, as well.

Without question, one of the most effective ways to immunize yourself from the usual frustrations of being in a relationship, as well as one of the best ways to keep your relationship lighthearted and vibrant, is Co use this predictable mental dynamic as a tool to look for and identify the gifts that
often are cleverly disguised as hassles or emergencies. This is a practical way on how to appreciate your man is to keep your heart open and to grow from, rather than be frustrated by, day-to-day living.

There are endless examples of how to use this strategy to enhance your relationship, even in scenarios that ordinarily would seem painful or cause for alarm. Here are just a few:

Suppose your partner is flirting with a good-looking stranger. What possible gift could be found in something like this? You could, of course, use this as an excuse to fly into a jealous rage or to confront your mate. Either way, your relationship will probably suffer some degree of damage. Looked at as a gift, however, it might: be seen as a “wake-up call,” a sign that you need to be more attentive and loving, a gift that might transform or even save your relationship.

Imagine that your husband is offered a job in a different part or the country. This could be seen as a major hassle or even a tragedy. If you focus on this aspect of it and express this position, you’ll probably feel bad or be seen as an unsupportive spouse. If you were looking for a gift just how to appreciate your man,  it might be seen as an ideal chance to demonstrate how supportive you can be, or as an opportunity to begin a new adventure together.

It seems that if there are people wise and resilient enough to see a gift in something seemingly so painful, then the rest of us ought to be able to discover the gifts in most of our more ordinary day-to-day experiences. The truth is, we can when it’s our intention to do so.

When you’re looking for how to appreciate your man in a situation, you’ll almost always be able to find something positive to focus on. When this becomes your normal way of perceiving things, you’ll find that it’s almost impossible to get too upset over daily things, especially small stuff.

Over the years, many people have shared with us their longing to be “in love.” And while we certainly understand the need and desire to be in a love relationship, it’s important to know that there are many genuine and powerful ways, other than a romantic relationship, to fill your life with
love.

We heard a beautiful and touching story about a friend of a friend. Like many people, she was lonely. She felt empty, as though her life couldn’t possibly be complete without someone to share it with. Her friends, of course, offered all sorts of well-meaning advice; they tried to set her up; challenged her to get out more; directed her to clubs, classes, and other traditional ways
to meet single people. Nothing did the trick.

Then someone suggested that she volunteer her time. For many reasons, the idea struck a chord, so she began volunteering at a nursing home. This simple act of love was the catalyst to changing her life. To make a long story short, she “fell in love with” (metaphorically) a lovely woman in her nineties. The experience of sharing love and giving love opened her heart in ways she had never imagined. She felt appreciated and honored. Her heart opened, and she began to exude love in all aspects other life. She felt happier, more peaceful and fulfilled than ever before. She had expanded her definition of love.

The feeling of love is contagious. When your heart is open and you’re busy sharing your love with others, you draw more love of all kinds in your direction.

It wasn’t long before this woman became involved with a man she had known for a long time, as a friend. Although it would be difficult to quantify, there’s no question that her entire presence had changed due to the love that was now in her heart.

Romantic love, a loving partnership, marriage—all are wonderful. The truth is, however, that there are countless ways to express love and to receive love. You can do so with pets, volunteerism, nature, a good cause, even hobbies. Anything you enjoy, that nurtures your spirit in a loving way,
that allows you to share your love with something or someone else, has the potential to fill your heart with love. One of the most loving times in my life was back in college. I was volunteering as a big brother for the Big Brothers of America organization. The experience changed my life. 1 was
able to spend time with a wonderful little boy who was only six years old at the time. My guess is that it wasn’t a coincidence chat I met him shortly thereafter.

When we are filled with loving feelings, whether those feelings are directed toward humans, animals, God, nature, or simply a love of life, we put ourselves in a position to attract love. When our heart is filled with love, and we are sharing that love, we become kinder, gentler, and more patient.

Our perspective is enhanced and we become more satisfied.
Often, when we’re only looking to be loved, it’s easy to forget how wonderful it is to give love. Yet, when we discover new ways to share our love, an almost magical transformation takes place in our lives. We become more interested in others, more inclusive and wiser. It almost seems like a law of nature—the more ways we discover to express, share, and be loving, the more we find ourselves surrounded by the feeling of love.

Whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not, or whether you want to be in one or not, isn’t critical. Whatever your circumstances, dreams, or preferences, filling your life with opportunities to express your love is always a good idea.

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