The recent shooting at UC Santa Barbara that left six students dead has fanned the lively gun control debate that feels like the most controversial topic in the United States these days. It's a subject that brings everyone out of the woodwork - and while everyone has a right to their opinion (except the dumbass opinions like Joe the Plumber) I feel like as human beings, it's time to apply some good, old fashioned common sense to the problem. Dare I say other countries have done it, the common sense thing, and it seems to actually work (see the image below).
There's nothing I can say on the topic that I didn't write post-Newtown, and after the Isla Vista tragedy, I re-read what I wrote then and thought that if that unspeakable heartbreak wasn't enough to provoke a change in the consitution, some sort of change to the way we're doing it since clearly the way we're doing it just isn't working right, then I just don't know. So I'm just re-posting what I wrote on December 16, 2012. Cuz there's nothing more to say.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I rarely talk politics in this space. While my few forays into highly electric conversation have attracted a record number of readers (most who were sooo not in favor of my self-proclaimed hilarious rant about Sarah Palin), I typically reserve TDG for rants about other stuff that I feel more comfortable going on about. And while it's pretty atypical for me to go public about a topic like, say, gun control, just a couple of days after the massacre of little, tiny children in Newtown, Ct., I can't help myself.
I'm a Canadian living in the US. And while I embrace most aspects of life in this country, the super lax gun regulations that is representative of life in most American states is not something I've ever been comfortable with. And while I've heard all the propaganda about a person's "right" to bear firearms, there's no part of that that I understand. (A right to shoot and kill? A right to take someone else's life at our discretion?) Because then there are mentally unstable people owning guns who use them for exactly what they're intended for - to efficiently and effectively shoot to kill.
And then there are two angry teenagers in Littleton, Colorado who go to school decked out in one 9-mm semi-automatic, one double-barrel shotgun, a rifle and a 12-gauge pump shotgun, and release 188 rounds of ammo - at their peers and teachers - killing 15 people and injuring another 27.
And then there is a deeply disturbed 23 year old student at Virginia Tech who easily acquires two semi-automatic weapons, goes to campus, and proceeds to shoot and kill 32 people, wounding 17 others.
And then there's a mentally unstable 24 year old male in Aurora, Colorado who goes to a movie theatre and opens fire on unsuspecting movie-goers, killing 12 and wounding 58. This killer had in his posession four weapons including two pistols, a rifle and a shotgun.
Two common themes here - mental illness and guns. One is an unfortunate medical disorder (treatable in some instances if treatment is sought), and guns (mostly controllable with proper regulations, evidenced by laws in other countries).
Over the last 48+ hours since the horrific tragedy in Newtown, I've read dozens of debates on every social site out there, about the pros and cons of gun control, the need for free assistance for mental health patients, whether or not gun laws need to be stricter, who's to blame, and of course, anguish over the loss of such innocent and pure life.
All I know is this - I was walking in a busy mall with my two kids today and suddenly I was overcome with anxiety about our safety. Totally irrational, totally a first for me, but totally a physical and emotional reaction to the pictures of those little faces, brutally shot and killed for no reason, just two days ago.
And I can't help but think that if that 20 year old shooter hadn't had access to guns, it's more than likely that those children and teachers would still be alive. And twenty six families wouldn't be shattered. And fifty two or so parents lives wouldn't be over as they ring in the New Year by burying their children.
You know, I'm seeing things like "let's talk about mental illness" and "it's so easy to talk about gun control" but if that were even remotely true, we'd be talking about gun control! Mental illness is not going anywhere. In fact, I'd venture to say that while increasingly treatable, with all of today's pressures, it's likely on the rise. But something that can in fact be controlled and is not left to Mother Nature - guns and who is permitted to possess them. So, I'd actually like to talk about gun control.
The fact is this: In many U.S. states, weapons of many kinds are readily available for legal purchase with just a driver’s licence as ID. It takes longer to be approved to buy a house than a gun. In Canada where the system is far from perfect, it takes up to 60 days to obtain a firearm, after registering, taking a course and going through background checks.
If I hear "guns don't kill people, people kill people" one more time I'm going to gauge my eyes out. Last time I checked, school shootings were called shootings and not school stranglings or school bow and arrow'ings.
Guns do kill people. In fact, that is exactly what they are designed to do. Not a fucking thing else.
It's time. It's happening far too often. I want to feel safe sending my children to school. I want to feel calm walking around a public place. I don't give a shit if you want the "right" to protect yourself because while you're protecting yourself, innocent children and adults are dying. And no one has the right to put our lives in danger.
All of you gun-toting Americans - I wonder how you'd feel if it were your child in that casket. Because all it takes is one evil or unstable person to access their "right" and boom - you're dead.
I'm trying everything cleaner and since woefully I cannot live on protein and kale alone (although I've discovered kale smoothies are not the work of the devil and are a new favorite), that includes indulging in my baking hobby using better ingredients. So, I'm stocked up on whole wheat pastry flour (not the same a whole wheat flour, btw), little to no butter, almost no white sugar and anything else that makes food taste amazing but makes my jeans feel tighter. This morning my miniature six-year old sous-chef and I made mini cinnamon rolls using whole wheat pastry flour and while they're definitely more dense than regular, drippy rolls, they do taste good enough to share. Plus they look pretty great:
I was inspired by a recipe I found on Half Baked Harvest and amended it to my liking:
Instructions
A few tips - this dough is very sticky. If you have trouble cutting into perfect flowery buns, just do your best and put it into the muffin tin. It will look fine when it's baked. And the icing covers the imperfect roll. According to the calorie counter I used, each mini roll has approximately 115 calories and 3 grams of fat, but also 2 grams of fiber. Let me know how they turn out.
At least they are to me. And when I decided to stop blogging and in essence quit writing (for pleasure) - about six months ago, I didn't anticipate the the words would become so jumbled in my brain, that they would almost literally become homeless if I let them.
Or maybe that's just slightly dramatic.
But drama or not, and my reasons for stopping notwithstanding, I am a person who can't not write. As a child I filled pages upon pages of diaries frought with tween, then teen angst. As a young(er) adult, I kept a journal passworded on my PC - but it was about then that the content stopped being so much about me per se and more about the art of forming words to create what I thought were beautiful sentences. Later I would go back and read critically but always feeling content that no matter what, I was a writer. When blogging became a thing, I was pretty sure I'd just won the lottery because now I could stop writing letters to the editors (and taking shit for it from family members - "what's wrong with you??") and sending articles to local papers that edited my stuff to a shell of what it was meant to be - I could actually just write somewhere without much ado. And obviously, being the narcissist that I am I assume you enjoy reading my stuff.
So many things have happened in the last six months (including this AMAZING piece written by a dear friend that needs more eyeballs on it, it's that good). So many times I was inspired by something I read on HuffPo or TIME or my Facebook or Twitter feeds but I had nowhere to put my thoughts (except out of my mouth and that's not always the best way - for me at least). I found myself texting people more than I should have, and *GASP* picking up the phone to toss my rhetoric at unsuspecting friends and family members.
So I'm back at it. Read at your own risk. And apologies in advance.
It's been two weeks since I embarked on this wheat-free journey at the recommendation of my favorite health coach and let me tell you, there might be something to this. I've done tons of reading over the last few weeks apart from Dr. Davis endorsed materials and it's clear there's a whole sub-culture of people who don't eat wheat (including those crazy paleolithic followers who pretty much eat nothing - never gonna happen to this gal!) and not only survive but thrive. It's only been a couple of weeks, but so far I feel like it's pretty sustainable and might even be contributing to my well-being.
That's not to say I'm signing up in blood or anything. I'm just saying I like myself better like this. So far.
It hasn't been all easy but it hasn't been all that difficult either. I have dug right in to a few of the recipes in Dr. Davis' Wheat Belly cookbook and recreated a few of his creations - for better or worse. Mostly though, I've just been making my own food and ordering smarter in restaurants.
Preface: I love to eat and go out to eat. I can do that and not eat wheat. Although Dr. Davis isn't a big fan of rice, I have had sushi - both with and without rice - over the last few weeks without incident. I've jumped on the gluten-free soy sauce bandwagon and steered clear or weird, unidentifiable sauces along with any "crunch" inherent to many sushi rolls (crying shame though. I do love me some crunch). We had thai food prepared totally gluten-free by the good people at our local Thai establishment and while I didn't feel amazing after (who doesn't overeat a little at Thai?), I definitely didn't feel as though I'd "cheated." I even pushed myself out of my comfort zone and ordered a piece of fish at a restaurant, feeling as though I'd ingested too much red meat over the course of the few weeks and to my utter amazement, I loved it. That was a total first for me and I feel like it opened doors for me that will help push me toward my goal.
As for homemade foods, I haven't varied too much but I think I'll need to be more mindful of what I'm eating and how much going forward. I've seen a really nice weight-loss in the few weeks, but based on what I'm reading and the drastic change, I feel like it should be more. That said, I feel great and Dr. Davis' promises have so far lived up to my expectations.
A sample day might include either an omelette with veggies and maybe cheddar or my standard pre-wheat free breakfast of skim ricotta (no skim, Jill, old habits...), blueberries and granola only instead of the gluten-free granola I usually eat, I've switched to what is my new fave food - Paleonola (available at Whole Foods). It it awesome, only nuts and flax and doubles as snack food too. I like the apple pie flavor and it seems to contain less sugar than some of the other flavors.
For lunch, I've uncovered a love for Dr. Davis' wheat-free foccaccia (SO GOOD), topped with avocado and homemade chicken salad (I don't think I've ever included chicken salad in my diet before - so fattening!). My recipe includes light mayo and light yogurt combined with dill and white meat - so not too bad. Best part is the total satisfaction after lunch. My craving for something sweet at 2p.m. is definitely decreasing and if I feel like I need something to bite into later in the day, I bought a three pound bag of almonds at Costco. Or, I've actually had cucumber and avocado on occasion. A piece of cheese, some natural nut butter (Whole Foods has the best natural pb mixed with dark chocolate - addictive.) Dark chocolate is also an option once or twice a week.
Dinner has been more challenging because I'm not home to prepare it very often. My extra freezer unfroze last week so I cooked a bunch of lean ground beef and have had it with pesto or tomato sauce a few times and even quinoa pasta as a treat (carbs!). We've been barbecuing steak and chicken and eating with grilled veggies or salad. I'm concerned about the amount of animal protein I'm ingesting but something I'll discuss with Susan this week.
I haven't been missing bread or pasta (yet). The issue seems to be in those foods you never knew were made with wheat and it feels like it's almost everything including soy sauce, vodka (I've switched from my beloved Grey Goose - made from wheat - to Tito's or Smirnoff) and most salad dressings! I've been watching my sugar intake too which has been hard at times - milky way rice crispie squares made their way to my kids hands (via my freezer) and I admit I had a bite. But I want to say I've stuck with this about 95% and my body is feeling better already.
Curious to see how the next two weeks goes and if I can keep this up longer term. Also, any ideas for great recipes or ideas for meals are welcome. I'm going to test out wheat-free, carob chip cookies this week made with insanely expensive almond flour and xylitol - I'll let you know if the kids notice the difference. And if they do, more for me I guess.
I love wine. It's both a blessing and a curse. From the time I was of age (or whatever), I was exposed to wines of all different qualities, flavors and regions via a family member who had (has) an extreme interest in mostly beautiful reds of all kinds. Perhaps it was osmosis combined with a desire to ingest any substance that might give me a buzz (we could all relate to this at 18!) that provided me with a taste for wine.
I've never visited Napa or wine country at all. While high-ranking on my bucket list, I haven't yet had the opportunity. So when I was invited on a City Wine Tour in Boston, I thought why not. I grabbed a friend I thought would appreciate an afternoon of wine and treats and off we went.
First step was choosing our tour. City Wine Tours (Boston-based) offer four locations - Harvard Square, Back Bay, South End and North End. Being Boston's own "Little Italy", we easily selected the North End tour which met at the Fairmont Battery Wharf. The tour began in the beautiful lobby where we met our tour guide - Roz - who kicked it off by giving a brief overview of wine and offered some interesting little factoids that I wasn't previosly aware of. We talked about several different types of wines, complete with generous tastings complemented by some baguette and cheeses from Aragosta, the restaurant at the hotel. About an hour into it, armed with some new knowledge about wine, we started the walking tour. We hit two other spots in the North End, my favorite being the The Wine Bottega, a small store in the heart of the North End's Hanover Street. The Wine Bottega specializes in natural wines, bottles you'll likely not find in regular wine stores. Sort of like the Whole Foods of wine stores without the esoteric pretentiousness. Matter of fact, if you want real advice and help selecting a great bottle of wine in any price range, hit up any of the knowledgeable folks at The Wine Bottega. You can justify the trip to the North End by sitting down in any of the amazing eateries on the street - they never disappoint (Giacomo's anyone?).
There were about 15 people on the tour, some celebrating anniversaries, others were visiting Boston, and others, like us, were just enjoying a beautiful Saturday afternoon in one of the most excellent cities in the U.S. I wouldn't hesitate to book a wine tour as a part of a bachelorette party or maybe even for a special birthday party. Truly, it was a treat to learn some little-known (or unknown by me) facts about wine, even things I thought I already knew. This included what to look for on a label, how to properly order wine in a restaurant, how to taste, and the difference in regions/grapes, etc. You'll impress your next date with your new knowledge about wine.
Tours run about 2 hours'ish and cost $66 per person. You can save 15% when you book by using discount code: CityWineJill at checkout.
Highly recommend. Thanks to City Wine Tours for treating my guest and I to a super afternoon filled with wine, delicious treats, and a great memory.
Today is my birthday. I won't lie, I'm not as young as I wish I were and the last few years have not been stress-free. These things, combined with the fact that I have this really strange love/hate relationship with food which translates into a love/hate thing with my body, have propelled me into action. I mean, what I've been doing is not working for me; I'm not feeling as spry as a 25 year old* should. So, with the help of my fabulous, wonderful, brilliant friend and certified health coach, today I embarked on what I hope will be a new beginning for me, my skin, my body, my stress levels, my sleep habits, and my all-encompassing self.
I've never been one to subscribe to the removal of a food group from a diet before, so the whole "carb-free" thing never resonated for me. But when I did more research on "wheat free," what I realized is that I wouldn't be removing a food group - I'd be eliminating a food. And a pretty unhealthy one at that. From what I've read, the wheat products sitting on the supermarket shelves today in no way resemble that of the wheat of the past - before it morphed into an ingredient that tricks people into feeling less satisfied, being more hungry and increasing sugar levels and cravings. That ad slogan, "betcha can't eat just one?" Well, joke is on US - the consumer - because they're pretty much scientifically correct. Wheat makes you want more. And not more of the good stuff.
Just from the research I've done in the last 72'ish hours, mostly courtesy of a book I bought called Wheat Belly and a pretty constant harassing of Susan (the friend I referenced above), I've learned that people who are wheat-free consume, on average, 400 calories less per day and are not driven by the 90-120 minute cycle of hunger that is common to wheat. Awesome. Because if I can organically consume fewer calories without being a slave to the dreaded restrictive "diet", I might actually stand a chance.
Not to mention the other health benefits that are connected with eliminating wheat from your diet like the ones I mentioned in my wish list above. So, what's entailed? Not 100% sure yet but I did make a fab kale/onion/feta omelette this morning and had a burger (sans bun) with yummy arugula salad topped with grated parm and EVOO and lemon for lunch. And so far, aside from a mild headache which is likely a side-effect of other, daily crap, I'm feeling fine and am not hungry. Granted, it's day 1 and motivation is high. I know. But the idea is to just do this every day and make it a lifestyle. And hopefully, the fab effects will follow.
Invented by a doctor, the wheat belly method calls for regular fat consumption in the form of whole, clean food not including wheat products. So all kinds of good oils, nuts and nut butter. I even bought apple butter. And did you know that rice isn't wheat? Me neither since obviously my prime concern was for my beloved sushi - not to be eaten daily, but certainly to be included in the menu.
I have no idea how this will go. I'm committed to a 28-day challenge and then an evaluation. I know I'll miss my mid-afternoon Snackwell's (that I feel guilty opening each day) and my trip to the candy drawer at work and a beautiful slice of challah occasionally. But I will not miss the crappy way I feel after I put processed, shitty food into my system.
Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.
I read this article on the HuffPo today and it resonated, boy, did it resonate. I posted it to my timeline and it appears that I wasn't the only one who was affected by it, but more importantly, it got me thinking: what are the things I wish I'd known then? Some of mine overlap with what Dr. Karin L. Smithson highlighted in the article, but many - a result of the community from where I'm from - are probably a result of my origins. I'd love to hear some of yours in the comments.
At the risk of sounding preachy, here goes:
1. At 20 you're not an adult, but neither are you a child. Be mindful of your choices, they're likely to set the stage - at least in part - for your future. First job? Do it well. You never know who you'll meet (or need) in 10 years.
2. Friendships are just that - ships that sail at the first hint of wind. Choose carefully, very carefully. And even then you'll be disappointed more than not. Which brings me to...
3. Set expectations but don't set them too high. This doesn't make you a pessimist. This will set you up for far less disappointment in life. Put faith in YOURSELF instead of others and hope for the best but expect the worst. I only learned this in recent years and it's done wonders for my blood pressure.
4. Try things, just don't over-try things. I'm an "I'll try (mostly) anything once kinda gal (no, Mom, not that!) and I have to say, experience has served me. But don't be dumb - if it's unhealthy, make sure it's one and done. Don't go the safe route every time, it'll stunt your growth into what might be an amazingly interesting person.
5. Travel. Wish I'd done it more before. Even if it's a bag on your back and a few bucks for a burger, see the world. Thailand, anyone?
6. If it feels wrong, it probably is wrong. Think twice. If it's going to hurt someone else, just say no. Trust me.
7. Do what you say, and say what you do. Don't be a flake, even if your contemporaries are (and at 20, who isn't?). Be a person people can count on, it'll just make you more valuable in every aspect of your life. It'll also separate you from the masses.
8. Criticism is good when delivered properly. Accept it with grace (there's no crying in baseball!), think about it, and if it makes sense, embrace it. But at the same time, don't compromise who you are for anybody. Even if he's really cute or she's so pretty.
9. Be OK at being alone. You'll never know how awesome you are unless you spend some time with yourself. And you never know when you might need to be good at being alone. It's a skill. For real.
10. Lastly, that one where they say to Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle - it's true.
**Disclaimer: I'm an admitted work-in-progress.
You?
I'm reading all this back and forth on the "opt out" generation, of which I'm a part, if not a participant (anymore). I'm listening to the women on the Today Show who regret having "opted out" because now they have bills to pay and they have no way to earn money. One has been "actively looking for work for three years," one says she's been the "CEO of her home" for the last ten years, and the other started her own company in order to earn money and make her own schedule.
*Sidebar: I've been a job-seeker before. If it's been three years and you're still out there, first take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself if you're on the right track, then maybe reconsider your tactics. That's a VERRRRYYYY long time to be actively seeking work.*
Being a mom in and of itself is no easy task these days. Pick up the kids, drive to/from activities, be at every school function, work out/eat right/have the most presentable body on the block, fraternize with other moms, make sure your kid isn't the classroom bully nor the playground pushover... The pressure of simply being a mom in today's society is almost unbearable. Add to that the need to work? Impossible.
Except it's not.
These things are only problems if you see them as such. Folks, I'm "leaning in" as much as the next woman and you know, I have it set up so that my kids are never left to fend for themselves after the school bell, have someone to wave to at every event (most often, me and/or their dad), and feel just as loved as the yoga-pant donning neighbor who is "CEO" of her home.
I make it work not only because I have to, but because I actually WANT to. But don't tell that to my stay-at-home mom (SAHM) friends who look at me in wonderment every time I actually express a deep satisfaction from my work.
"But don't you miss your kids?"
Uh - yes. of course I do. But I would miss ME if I resigned myself to carpool and playdates. Not that I'm judging others who choose to stay home - more power as far as I'm concerned. In my eyes, that's the harder job. I know - I used to be one. I stayed home for several years after my children were born. But you know what, I didn't make spinning the focal point of my day outside of drop-off. I actually stayed online, dabbled in - no - I opened an online store. I got a twitter handle in 2007 before Twitter was good for nothing more than sharing blog posts and late-night conversations with strangers (my friends hadn't yet heard of the thing). I learned the value of blogging about stuff, later known as product reviews. I knew the FTC regulations for bloggers and how to incorporate HTML into my site. I knew this stuff because even though I was not part of the workforce, I knew I needed to be sharp. For myself, for my family, for my future.
It's not brain surgery, but not enough women are doing this. If I hear "I'm so bored, I need more friends" from one of my SAHM friends again, I'll scream. I want to say, "take a class!" "pick up a hobby!" "do something!" because one day they may need it. Let's face it - the divorce rate is 50 percent and alimony is not, in a typical situation, going to afford a desirable lifestyle. Additionally, it won't be long before kids are in school full-time and for five to eight hours a day, you may have time that can be considered billable. And take it from me, it's not easy trying to fill up that large chasm between the last day of work in an office and your career as an at-home mom.
But there are ways around it. Read on.
I used to opt-out. But not entirely. And that, my friends, is the secret. If you are among the lucky few who have the opportunity to stay home with your children during their formative years, even though it might be a busy time, do SOMETHING. Nap time, babysitter time, night time - all times when you can do something to keep yourself sharp. Have something to tell a prospective employer about your time spent changing diapers and attending Mommy and Me - anything. What skills did you work on while you were home? I'm not sure paying your family's bills counts, but maybe you managed finances for your friend's family. A skill! Tweeting pictures of your feet in the sand or your lunch is never going to be considered productive, but taking part in Twitter campaigns - even just as a spectator - makes you social media savvy. It's not that hard, if done right, you can even add spin doctor to that resume.
Admittedly, I don't earn as much as my counterparts who stayed put after kids. I definitely came back far below where I would've been had I never left. But I'm working my way up and instead of being embarassed about this, I'm proud of where I'm at.
So, that's why I call this whole "opt out" thing crap. Opting out is so black and white. You don't have to be totally out to be a SAHM, you can still keep your toes in the water, even if it's just at the edge, because I assure you, someday you'll need to know where the beach ends, and the ocean begins. And if you're smart, you'll know just how to do this.
A few years ago I was with my kids at a community event. A spring carnival or something with rides, ice cream, and a booth with people asking folks if they would sign up to have their cheeks swabbed for the Gift of Life's bone marrow registry. We got our ice cream, and I somehow started talking to a person whose life had been completely transformed by a bone marrow transplant. And another who was alive as a result of a transplant. Usually I wouldn't pay much attention to this type of event with little kids pulling at me to go this way, go that way, but maybe it was the marketing tactic, the hot sun beating down or me or the fact that I was suddenly hit with the idea that I could actually contribute something substantive in my lifetime that made me swab my cheeks with the q-tippy looking sticks and donate the $60 processing fee it would take to actually maybe help someone some day. I went home and honestly hadn't given it another thought until a couple of weeks ago.
In my more existential moments, I sometimes think to myself that we go to work, we try to be good people, we bring up our kids, but what do we really leave behind when we're gone? Some really awesome memories for those we love, maybe a great recipe for chocolate bread pudding, maybe even a legacy of some kind. But we don't leave much of a mark outside of our own families, sad but true.
Recently a 4 year old girl in my community and hometown of Montreal was diagnosed with a scary sounding cancer that essentially means her bone marrow is failing and if she doesn't get a transplant VERY soon, it will progress into an even worse disease that may have no cure. Not good. It got me thinking again about contributing to life in a meaningful way and I reached out to a family member of Jayden (the little girl) to see how I could help from afar.
After all, isn't something happening to our children the worst possible nightmare?
Turns out bone marrow is bone marrow no matter which city, state or country it comes from as long as it matches that of the recipient. So within the last few days, I've joined forces with some other ladies who also want to help find Jayden a match as well as the Gift of Life contact here in Boston, and we're planning, planning, planning.
I will continue to post info about drives being held in Montreal, Boston, NY and other places as they are scheduled. In the meantime, if you're between the ages on 18-60, GET TESTED! And if you can't for whatever reason, consider donating to the cause - it takes $60 to process the test kits and there's just not enough funds available. I can't think of any more rewarding life experience than helping to save a life.
Scheduled drives:
Follow FightForJayden on Twitter and Facebook for details on drives and how you can help. It doesn't matter where you are, please spread the word, copy my post and re-blog, whatever it takes - numbers are paramount and you just never know, you might help save a life.