JOLLYBLOGGER

Video - My Battle With Cancer

2009-06-22T14:25:42-04:00

A little over a month ago a friend of mine did a video interview with me for our presbytery - the interview was about my battle with cancer. So, I thought I would share it with you, with one little word of introduction. This was prepared for a presbytery meeting so the questions and answers are directed toward an audience of preachers, not a general audience, but I do hope that this is still helpful for a general audience.

David Wayne - My Battle with Cancer from David Wayne on Vimeo.

Everything you need to know about Martin Luther

2009-06-08T12:55:16-04:00

These past few weeks we have been celebrating graduation and one of the things we have done is that the mom has gone through the sons old schoolwork. While going through one of the sons old schoolwork we found an essay that one of the sons wrote about Martin Luther when he was in 2nd grade (I think, it could have been third). And so for all of you theologians, historians and others with similar interests I present to you the definitive paragraph on the life of Martin Luther from a 2nd grade Wayne kid.

Please note that in order to insure the authenticity of the text I have retained the original spelling, grammar and punctuation as much as possible. Also, please note the advanced literary abilities of this Wayne kid - he uses an advanced literary technique which some uneducated people find fault with - he shifts from past tense to present tense in the middle of the essay. While some may find fault with this it has the effect of making history come alive and seem as if it is happening today, right now. I could go on and on about this kid's brilliance, but on to the essay.

Martin Luther was a monk. He had a wife named Cathrine Von Bora. He also had three children named Hans, Lenchen, and Martin. A dog named Topel. He lived in a monastery named Black Cloister. He had a dimple on his chin. He also had big shoulders. He hates lawyers and Doctors. He enjoys a good laugh. He loves to sing and play the lute. he says it makes the deive (note from editor - this is an ancient, more authentic spelling of the word "devil") run. He loves to quote scuptirire. He has a very bad temper. He is also very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, smart. He worte the ninty-five thesis. He reads the bible about twice a year! He thinks that Monks are fleas on God's fur coat.

So there you have it folks, what more needs to be said about Martin Luther after this? Please give proper attribution and use proper formatting when quoting this article for any academic papers, dissertations and reviews. The author has grown up to become an eminently humble young man and prefers not to give his real name for this article so you can simply refer to the author as "A young Wayne kid."

In Praise of Wreckless and Wanton Book-Buying

2009-06-02T16:17:28-04:00

For all of you like me who can't bring yourself to walk by a bookstore or browse an on-line catalog without buying at least something, and who also know good and well that you aren't going to read everything you buy, at least right now, here's an anecdote from the life of Umberto Eco that should give you encouragement to keep it up.

From the introduction of part one of The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb:

The writer Umberto Eco belongs to that small class of scholars who are encyclopedic, insightful, and nondull. He is the owner of a large personal library (containing thirty thousand books), and separates visitors into two categories: those who react with "Wow! Signore professore dottore Eco, what a library you have! How many of these books have you read?" and the others -- a very small minority -- who get the point that a private library is not an ego-boosting appendage but a research tool. Read books are far less valuable than unread ones. The library should contain as much of what you do not know as your financial means, mortgage rates, and the currently tight real-estate market allow you to put there. You will accumulate more knowledge and more books as you grow older, and the growing number of unread books on the shelves will look at you menacingly. Indeed, the more you know, the larger the rows of unread books. Let us call this collection of unread books an antilibrary.

Via Kottke

Health Update 5-31-09

2009-05-31T17:44:23-04:00

The news continues to be good on the health front. I had a CT scan last week and it shows that the largest tumor in my liver has shrunk by about 75%. The other tumors they are monitoring continue to shrink - somewhere in the 50-60% smaller range.

On the negative side the chemo is really getting to me so your prayers would be appreciated. I've got treatment on Monday, June 1. The good news on this end though is that they are going to give me a "drug holiday" so I'll have some time off. I'm still planning on being at General Assembly so hopefully I'll see some of you PCA folks there.

Thanks again for all your prayers.

Health Update 5-18-09

2009-05-18T12:38:50-04:00

It's been awhile since I've updated you on my health and blogged on much of anything. So here's a recap of the last month or so.

Everything was going on as normal with the chemo with the normal ups and downs till about three weeks ago then the cumulative effects pretty well caught up with me and I was getting pretty miserable. Nothing earth shattering or new, the fatigue was just much more intense and continuous.

I told the doc about this last week and he decided to put me on ritalin. I sort of cracked up at the thought since you usually associate ritalin with unfocused kids and teenagers. But he said this should help give me some energy back so it was worth a try. I've been on it now for about 4 days and the difference is night and day - I feel almost normal. Still tired, but almost normal.

One of my biggest struggles through this whole thing has been my fear of becoming drug dependent and so I still don't like it that I need the ritalin to get me up and going (I also need drugs to help me get to sleep) but this stuff does help me function and the medical folks tell me not to worry about it, so for now I'll stick with it.

I'd be curious if there are any folks out there from the nouthetic school of thought who have any opinions on me and my drug usage. This stuff not only helps me physically but it definitely elevates my mood.

On the cancer front the news is still good - in fact today I got some very good news. My CEA's are down. CEA is a blood marker for colon cancer, it's a kind of protein that colon cancer throws off that offers one indication on how things are going. I started off somewhere in the mid 50's, then it went down into the mid 40's and has stayed around 46 or 47 for probably the last 8-10 weeks. My latest CEA reading is 37 so that's a pretty significant improvement. This gives me great hope that I'll be able to go off the chemo soon because I'm getting pretty sick of it.

I do have a CT Scan next week so we'll find out if the tumors are still shrinking, I'm praying that is so.

And the good news is that regardless of how it's going, they are giving me a "drug holiday" in June so I can go to General Assembly. And this won't affect my status in the clinical trial I'm in. So I'll look forward to seeing all of my PCA buddies in Orlando in June.

Thanks again for your prayers.

I'm Scared Too . . .

2009-05-15T12:55:17-04:00

Ecclesiastes 7:1-4:

1A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth.
2 It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.
3 Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.
4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.

For more on Clayton go here.

HT - Justin Taylor

Larry Osborne Has a Blog

2009-05-12T17:16:24-04:00

I haven't given up on blogging, it's just that the chemo is pretty much kicking my butt these days so it's rare that I feel like I have anything to say or the energy to say it. So, your continued prayers would be appreciated. The news is still good though - I am responding to the chemo and have high hopes of a return to something like normal in a few months, but the road to normal is going to be a little harder than I had anticipated.

In the meantime I wanted to share with you a new find in the blogosphere. Larry Osborne, pastor of North Coast Community Church in Vista, CA and author of several books is now blogging, or maybe it's just that I have just found him.

I have been to one of his conferences read his books The Unity Factor, Sticky Church and Contrarian's Guide to Knowing God, now republished as Spirituality for the Rest of Us. I would trade his thoughts on spirituality and ministry for 90% of the popular stuff out there today. He is refreshingly contrarian, as the one title suggests, and my best description is that he offers us a vision of life and ministry full of biblical common sense and minus the hype and super-spirituality that characterizes so much of what we read.

I will confess that I also have a great personal affection for him since he was one of the many who wrote a note of encouragement when I found out I had cancer, even though he doesn't know me.

That aside I highly commend Larry's books and now blog to you - Larry Osborne Live.

Beauty in the Face of Agony

2009-04-23T14:16:47-04:00

This is one of the most moving photojournalist essays I have ever seen. It's the story of Katie Kirkpatrick Godwin and her husband Nick. Katie battled cancer for three years and died at 21. But Nick was determined to marry Katie, his high school sweetheart. So, in the midst of Katie's pain and fatigue from the chemo Nick and Katie were married, and five days later Katie died. This is just a great picture(s) of how beauty and joy can be found in the midst of the greatest agony.

HT - Kottke

T. David Gordon on Moralistic vs. Christological Preaching

2009-04-07T21:09:34-04:00

I have committed myself to Christological preaching, but one of the pushbacks on Christological preaching, at least as I practice it, is that it is not practical enough. The standard preaching advice for many has been that each sermon should include or conclude with practical applications of the text.

I agree with this in a sense, but "practical" often takes the form of a "to-do" list, a series of actions we must take to "apply" the text. The problem with this is that it seems to me to render the gospel null and void. Our response to the gospel is always that of repentance and faith, not action. We do not "do" something to apply the gospel, the gospel "does" something to us. Thus I have been very cautious in offering "to-do" lists from texts.

On the other hand I am aware that the Bible is full of commands that demand obedience. Yet, while acknowledging that, I am still left with the Colossians 2:20-23 conundrum.

20 Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: 21 “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

In other words, telling people what to do and not do has little or no value in getting them to do or not do what they should or shouldn't do. This doesn't mean there aren't things we should and shouldn't do, but do's and don'ts won't get it done.

So how do we resolve this conundrum? T. David Gordon in his book Why Johnny Can't Preach offers some "practical" thoughts:

I know that there are those who are terribly afraid that such Christ-centered preaching will lead to licentiousness; but I categoricaly deny it. I've witnessed with my own eyes the difference between believers who suffer through moralistic preaching and those who experience Christological preaching. The former are never as strong or vibrant in their Christian discipleship as the latter. In theory, we all say we believe, for instance, that good works are the "inevitable" fruit of saving faith. I not only say this; I believe it.

I believe that as people's confidence in Christ goes they do, ordinarily and inevitably, bear fruit that accords with faith. Thus, there is no need for some trade-off here, or some alleged dichotomy suggesting that we need to preach morality if we are to have morality. No; preach Christ and you will have morality. Fill the sails of your hearers' souls with the wind of confidence in the Redeemer, and tey will trust him as their Sanctifier, and long to see his fruit in their lives. Fill their minds and imaginations with a vision of the loveliness and perfection of Christ in his person, and the flock will long to be like him. Impress upon their weak and wavering hearts the utter competence of the mediation of the One who ever lives to make intercession for them, and they will long to serve and comfort others, even as Christ has served and comforted them.

Health Update 4-2-09

2009-04-02T19:52:50-04:00

Here's the latest news on my health.

I had a CT Scan this past Monday and the results are that all of the large tumors that they are monitoring have shrunk about 50-60%. So the treatment is working - praise and thanks to God and thanks to all of you who have prayed and encouraged me.

The doc said that for 20% of people, they can do nothing. For another percentage of folks, they are able to treat and stop the growth of the tumor(s), thus keeping it stable. For another percentage they are able to shrink the tumor some and for a smaller percentage the tumors go away completely. I asked the doc if I could reasonably hope to see these tumors go away and he said yes. Of course, my hope is in Christ, but it was good to hear the doctor say this.

What this means for the short term is that nothing changes in the treatment. I'll continue this course of chemotherapy, probably for another three months at least, or until the tumors go away. So, for those of you who are local, you can expect to see a smile on my face about this news, but don't look to see me dancing in the streets any tme soon. With the chemo going on I'm pretty exhausted and the exhaustion seems to be lasting longer with each treatment. But knowing that the treatment is working will help keep my spirits up when I can't get my body up and out of bed.

The good news in all of this is that I have been telling them that I want to go to our General Assembly in Orlando this June and the doctor and the nurse who is administering the clinical trial I am are thinking that's a possibility. They are doing some finagling to see if they can work the treatment schedule around that. The main issues on that, as far as I can tell, are that we could break momentum and secondly it could affect my standing in the clinical trial. With the trial you have to do everything just so or they kick you out of it. I don't want to leave the trial because I get closer monitoring in it and also they pay for some of the meds and scans, which will help with the insurance. Don't know if you know this, but insurance companies have a lifetime limit of something like a million or two, and I am a prime candidate to exhaust this, so it's good to have some of my meds taken care of.

But, all that aside, I'm optimistic I'll get to Orlando this summer so I'm looking forward to seeing all of my PCA brethren and also having a reunion with some of my old friends from college who live in the Orlando area.

As far as what this means long term it's hard to tell. I hope this doesn't put a damper on the good news of today, but with this kind of cancer they don't use words like "cure" or "remission." The kind of cancer I have evidently rears its head again and again. The doc thinks I'll probably have to have some kind of treatment every year. If the tumors go away they call that "complete response." If that happens then I'll just go see the doctor every month or so and I guess they'll just do blood tests or scans every so often to see if it comes back, then treat it when it does.

I'm optimistic about the future though, but this knowledge is a good thing for me in reminding me to live according to Matthew 6:34 and not worry about tomorrow's troubles. I don't presume to know the ways of God in this. I have often thought of the fact that Lance Armstrong got a very deadly cancer and has now lived nearly a decade cancer free. James Montgomery Boice, on the other hand contracted cancer and died soon after. Although Lance is an inspiration to all of us who have cancer, I think that Boice had a more necessary message for the world, yet God chose to take Him. Though I hope to live many more years, God doesn't owe me a long life but I owe Him my devotion each day of my life. So that's the frame of mind I'm trying to cultivate on a consistent basis.

So, I'm doing my best to enjoy the day and let God worry about the future and the days are indeed good. While you are praying for me please don't forget to pray for my family in general and Lynette in particular. She bears the biggest brunt of all this. Although I'm not terribly difficult to deal with (though I have my moments) I also don't have the energy to do a lot of the fun things we would ordinarily like to do.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and love.

The Blessing of Sickness from Spurgeon

2009-04-01T15:40:58-04:00

I found this from Spurgeon today on Steve McKoy's blog - Reformissionary:

I dare say the greatest earthly blessing that God can give to any of us is health, with the exception of sickness ... If some men, that I know of could only be favoured with a month of rheumatism, it would, by God's grace mellow them marvelously.

BTW - I see my doc tomorrow and plan to give you a health update after I get a full report on my recent CT Scan. But, hint, hint, the news is good. Those of you who have read my Facebook already know . . . but I'll wait till I have more details before posting here.

Still, I couldn't agree more with what Spurgeon says here - God has done things through my cancer that nothing else ever has or could.

The Inverse Relationship Between Volume of Knowledge and Volume of Words

2009-03-31T16:15:04-04:00

Good grief - this fits me to a "T." It's also something I've observed. I hope I'm headed toward the good side of this equation, i.e. to more knowledge and less desire to talk. This is from Galileo, courtesy of Kottke:

Long experience has taught me this about the status of mankind with regard to matters requiring thought: the less people know and understand about them, the more positively they attempt to argue concerning them, while on the other hand to know and understand a multitude of things renders men cautious in passing judgment upon anything new.

Building Faith in the Face of Suffering

2009-03-30T21:21:09-04:00

In the past week the following news has come across the screen of my life.

An old friend that of ours lost his wife this week after a long battle with brain cancer.
A dear friend and former member of our church recently found out she has breast cancer and had surgery this week.
A 21 year old kid from the youth group I used to pastor has been battling cystic fibrosis for most of his life and is now in ICU.
This morning I found out that a pastor friend's wife has cancer and has just had surgery.

All of this is in addition to several in my church who have either lost jobs, are battling illness, facing family breakdown or worrying about loved ones overseas in the military.

Indeed, the world we live in is a fallen world. So, how does one retain their faith in the midst of such things?

I just finished reading "Why Johnny Can't Preach" by T. David Gordon, a book I recommend highly to preachers and anyone concerned with the state of preaching in the church. In a section on how to build faith in one's hearers, Gordon offers the following anecdote from the life of Robert Lewis Dabney:

. . . Faith is built by careful, thorough exposition of the person, character and work of Christ.
One of the great articulations of this reality in the history of Christian literature occurs in a letter written by Clement Read Vaughan to the renowned Southern Presbyterian theologian Robert Lewis Dabney. Dabney moved from Virginia to Austin, Texas, almost twenty years after the Civil War and lived there for another fifteen years. In his latter years, he became blind and weak and knew his death was near. He wrote to his old friend Vaughan, wondering whether he would have strong enough faith to face his impending death, and Vaughan's reply was as theologically trenchant as it was pastorally lovely. He wrote back to Dabeny and asked Dabney what a traveler would do if he came to a chasm over which a bridge was spanned:

What does he doe to breed confidence in the bridge? He looks at the bridge; he gets down and examines it. He don't [sic] stand at the bridge-head and turn his thoughts curiously in on his own mind to see if he has confidence in the bridge. If his examination of the bridge gives him a certain amount of confidence, and yet he wants more, how does he make his faith grow? Why, in the same way; he still continues to examine the bridge. Now, my dear old man, let your faith take care of itself for awhile, and you just think of what you are allowed to trust in. Think of the Master's power, think of his love; think how he is interested in the soul that searches for him, and will not be comforted until he finds him. Think of what he has done, his work. That blood of his is mightier than all the sins of of all the sinners that ever lived. Don't you think it will master yours? . . .
Now, dear old friend, I have done to you just what I would want you to do to me if I were lying in your place. The great theologian, after all, is just like any other one of God's children, and the simple gospel talked to him is just like any other one of God's children, and the simple gospel talked to him is just as essential to his comfort as it is to a milk-maid or to a plow-boy. May God give you grace, not to lay too much stress on your own faith, but to grasp the great ground of confidence, Christ, and all his work and all his personal fitness to be a sinners refuge. Faith is only an eye to see him. I have been praying that God would quiet your pains as you advance, and enable you to see the gladness of the gospel at every step. Good-bye. God be with you as he will. Think of the Bridge!
Your brother,
C. R. V.

We all wonder how we are going to face the most difficult situations of life and if we will be able to cope. We all wonder how we will face the most difficult situation - our own death. Like Dabney, I have had fresh occasion to consider that like never before.

These words brought great comfort to me as I hope they did to Dabney. In asking if I would have the faith to face my own death I have been asking if I have the resources to do so within me. My eye was on me and my experience of faith. But C. R. V. rightly reminds us all that we are not to look to our faith, for faith by definition is a look to Christ.

This is all any of us has to offer those who are facing situations like the ones I described above - we need not worry ourselves as to whether we have the inner strength to face these things - we don't and we shouldn't look within for strength to face them. Christ alone has "the personal fitness to be a sinners refuge." This is the key to faith in the midst of suffering.

Tim Chester - A Church of the Cross

2009-03-26T09:30:00-04:00

If you have read my blog lately you will know that the "theology of the cross" has become the pattern by which I am beginning to understand my life. Tim Chester takes this to the next level in a post at the Resurgence as he talks about a "Church of the Cross." Here's a couple of excerpts.

The great Reformer Martin Luther spoke of theologies of glory and a theology of the cross. Theologies of glory look for the revelation of God in his mighty works: creation, miracles, spiritual experiences. But this kind of knowledge, said Luther, only puffs people up. Instead God has chosen to reveal himself supremely in the cross.

And:

Now apply the same idea to our churches. Churches of glory will put their confidence in mighty works: stage performances, big budgets, large numbers, powerful arguments, charismatic preachers. A church of the cross will be characterized by power in weakness, wisdom in foolishness, victory in shame. Its confidence will be in the sovereignty of God, the presence of his Spirit, and the power of his Word.

Just as the theology of the cross transforms our understanding of the individual Christian life it can change our understanding of life in the church.

Allison Kraus - A Living Prayer

2009-03-25T21:00:48-04:00

Got this from Ray Ortlund's blog and Kelly Munroe Kullberg's Facebook