JOLLYBLOGGER

One more on the long goodbye

2011-01-12T00:08:04-05:00

I knew this would happen - I would write a farewell post, and a bunch of you would send some nice notes which make we wish I wasn't quitting blogging. Well, I've no intention of doing a poor man's blogging imitation of Brett Favre and retire only to keep unretiring.

Actually, as I said in my last post, I didn't say I would never blog again. I still have times where something is on my mind and I have a burning urge to blog it, but usually that passes. There was a time I was like the guy in that cartoon who is sitting at a computer and his wife calls him to come to bed from another room and he says "Just a minute honey, someone is wrong somewhere on the internet." So, of course he has to stay up to set all of those kinds of folks straight. I no longer have that urge, but I still may want to put something up.

If it happens it will be over at the new places - jollyblooger.wordpress.com. I do plan to put up at least one post dealing that cryptic little comment in my last post about some of my qualms of consciense when it comes to blogging. Nothing will be earth shaking but it may help me get some things off my chest. And who knows, if I can deal with my conscience and these matters of seeking a name for myself, I may bind the wherewithal within to feel compelled to blog a bit.

Still, I just wanted to put up one last post here as my account settings say that payment is due tomorrow and I won't be paying up. I think Typepad may take this whole thing and reduce it to one of their micro blogs, which is a free blog. If that is the case I'll check back in a few days and make sure the template looks ok and then I'll just let it sit there as long as typepad lets its sit. At the risk of flatteriing myself, all my old posts should still be there on the micro blog so if someone remembered something I said way back when that was helpful, it might be there.

But mainly I just wanted to say thanks one more time. When I wrote that last post announcing I was shutting down several of you sent very nice comments here and on the wordpress blog. Words fail me in expressing thanks for the overwhelming kindnesses I have received from you, the readers. I do hope to maintain some level of contact with you on the new blog, but regardless, please know of my deep abiding appreciation for your many kindnesses and prayers.

Happy New Year, Time to Shut 'er Down

2011-01-04T23:16:59-05:00

Hi everyone, Happy New Year.

I hope you all have a terrific new year, just wanted to let you know the time has come to shut down the blog, at least here in it's Typepad manifestation. I was one of those folks who got on the blogging wave back when it was the cool thing but over the last few years just haven't had the fire to blog much.

Also, I'm on Typepad and actually pay money for the hosting so there's just no real reason to keep this up. BTW - let me just say that Typepad is a terrific service and I highly recommend it to anyone who really takes blogging seriously or maybe needs a great blog for an organization or wants to make money. But, since I'm no longer in any of those categories there's no real reason to keep paying

However, I do have a blog over on wordpress. I think I must have reserved that back in the day when I was trying to be the uberblogger and trying to make sure I had the lock on the Jollyblogger name. I had forgotten about that till recently but check it out I did and still have an account there at jollyblogger.wordpress.com. If I get going again I'll get going there.

I don't really have any great burning urge to keep blogging but neither am I against it. From time to time I do think I ought to keep up or re-start some kind of something to leave some wisdom for my kids, on the outside chance that someday they'll want to know what they're old man thought about things. Also, I do sometimes think I may want to keep writing to encourage fellow cancer sufferers. So, I may keep something going over there at the wordpress blog.

I actually have had some pangs of conscience about my blogging practices. I know to say it this way sounds overly-introspective, probably quite neurotic, and maybe even a like a grab for sympathy through gratuitous public self-loathing (ok, I had to try to throw a few big words at you, just in case I don't get back to blogging). Truly through, one of the problems with being sick all the time is that you have lots of time to lay in bed and be introspective, which is not a good thing. Nevertheless, during those times I've had several Genesis 41:9 moments about many things and blogging is one of them. In an effort to clear my conscience, or maybe just an attempt at self-induced catharsis I may go ahead and do a post on that at the new place. For now let's just say that blogging offers a great, if illusory, vehicle for engaging in self-promotion, something to which I am particularly prone.

Still, though I sometimes wonder about the value of things I have blogged and deeply regret much of the time I have wasted online I am particularly grateful to so many of you who have read this and have encouraged me over the last few years. It probably goes without saying but I was devastated when I found out I had cancer two years ago. My family and church family was the greatest help in those days, but all of you who expressed encouragement and concern online were a great help, especially knowing that so many of you were praying for me. In fact, all of the comments here and on FB, along with many e-mails, were a huge boost for my family, you encouraged them as they tried to encourage me.

So, for the innumerable kindnesses I have received from all of you I am eternally grateful, and for those kindnesses I am very happy for this season of blogging. I will say that my health is stable right now, so I have nothing new to report - and that is good news. I will continue to post health updates on Facebook and probably at the wordpress blog. And like I said, who knows - I may get the desire to blog again over there and I hope that if I do some of you will follow me there - jollyblogger.wordpress.com

God bless and thanks for the memories.

Some Great News

2010-11-29T15:25:09-05:00

Hi everyone, here's a health update.

I got some bloodwork results today and my bloodwork is the best it has been since I was diagnosed with cancer. The CEA is a blood tumor marker for colon cancer. A person without cancer would have a 0-3, a smoker might have up to a 5 or a 6. Anything over that indicates metastatic activity. People with severe metastatic activity could have numbers in the hundreds, mine was in the 70's when I was first diagnosed.

Today, my CEA was 1.2.

My family and I are rejoicing in God's goodness to us in this and I wanted to share it with you. Again, many thanks to all of you who have prayed for me over these last two years.

This doesn't mean I'm without cancer. My latest scans show many tumors still present. But they have all shrunk. And although this CEA marker isn't the last word, when the number decreases it shows that the cancer is being surpressed. So, even though the tumors are still there the cancer is being suprressed.

As far as treatment goes, I am currently on a maintenance treatment with a drug called "Avastin." The medical folks call this a "biologic," it's different than what we typically think of as chemo. Avastin has always been one of the drugs I have gotten in my chemo cocktail, but now it is the only thing I am on. It doesn't have near the side effects as the others. The only real side effects are bleeding and high blood pressure. I haven't had any bleeding, and the blood pressure is being managed with medication.

These days I am still pretty fatigued and sleep a lot, but I am thankful that most of the other ugly side effects I had when I was on the full regimen are gone. My nurses have told me that chemo patients can struggle with fatigue for up to 5 years, so it actually helps to know that - though I wish I had more energy this fatigue is not unusual.

The plan now is to continue the maintenance treatment and I'll get these blood tests every couple of months or so. I will have another CT scan in January. If the CEA goes up or other blood stuff gets goofy or if the scan shows tumor growth then we have to consider other things. But for now, for at least the next 2 months I get to live a fairly normal life, just going in for the maintenance treatment every other week.

So again, thanks first and foremost to God for these days of respite. And also, many, many thanks to all of you who have prayed for me and my family.

The Trouble with Miracle Cures

2010-11-01T22:08:32-04:00

I've tried to cut down on the cancer posts a bit. Cancer tends to dominate your life once you have it and one way of not letting it not dominate your life is to talk about other things so I've been back on some of the other stuff lately. But I came across a post from David Darlington over at In The Agora today that I needed to share.

David is also dealing with cancer and, like most everyone with cancer I suppose, is also dealing with a steady stream of friends offering miracle cures. It would have taken me thousands of words to say what he said here succinctly. He has given me permission to reprint this post so please read this and carefully consider his words if you know someone who has cancer or some other serious illness.

Greetings! I hope this letter finds you well. I’m dropping you a quick note today to express my appreciation for all you’ve done for me during my cancer trial this past year. Your love and support means more than I can express in words, and your actions have lifted me up in my time of need.

But if I may be so bold, there is has been one area where your assistance has been more of a distraction than an aid. I am speaking of your passing along of miracle cures and alternative therapies you’ve heard about or read on the internet. While I appreciate the intent behind you sending me these things, they have generally been of little constructive use. Cancer patients are bombarded daily with helpful suggestions about beating their disease, and separating the wheat from the chaff is so often an overwhelming task, especially as most alternative cures have no scientific evidence that they contribute to one’s well being.

Since President Nixon declared War on Cancer in 1971, the government has spent hundreds of millions of dollars fighting this disease, with about the same level of success that it has had in its other “War on…” efforts, like Poverty, Drugs, or Terrorism. That is to say, marginal. Yes of course, there have been some significant breakthroughs in chemotheraputic drugs and, more recently, biologic agents like Avastin. But there is still a ways to go. As my friend, you know my general skepticism towards government spending and of the government’s ability to bring about massive advances in science and technology. But, if cancer could really be cured by that asparagus diet email that was sent around, or that cottage cheese and flaxseed diet Dr. Google recommended, do you really think the government would have spent all this money fighting cancer? Don’t you think that if these common foods could really cure cancer magically, we’d know this already?

And another thing—supplements. I read your most recent issue of Life Forever magazine (or whatever it was called). I’ve kept an open mind about these things, but if an article about the benefits of a certain supplement is accompanied by a full page ad for that supplement brought to you by Life Forever Inc., doesn’t that get your skeptic sense tingling just a little? Aren’t you the least bit concerned that they’ve cherry-picked the scientific studies that showed their supplements in the most favorable light?

Now please don’t call me a hypocrite on this issue. You’ve been to my apartment and seen the vitamin bottles on top of my refrigerator. The first is your standard supermarket multivitamin. Doctors’ opinions on these things range from positive to “meh.” Most will tell you that you don’t need them if you have a good diet, but most Americans’ diets are so poor that taking a vitamin supplement as an adult is not a bad idea. The next bottle, fish oil supplements loaded with Omega-3s, are hot and trendy right now I know, but there is some evidence that this “good fat” helps with inflammation and other heart issues. And since most Americans don’t eat a lot of fish—I can’t blame them, as our fish stocks have enough mercury that Soviet Russia would be proud—having fish oil supplements doesn’t seem like a bad idea. The next bottle contains Vitamin D3, which has been proven to help cancer patients, as tumors tend to suck the vitamin away from other parts of the body.

So my friend, before you forward me something, please think first. Don’t just send it along because it might be “helpful.” Consider whether or not there would be any logical or scientific reason for your suggestion to work. You know how sore I was when, the very day I was diagnosed, my primary internist tried pushing the Mediterranean Diet, and how relieved I was when my oncologist said basically, “dude, you already have cancer. Eat whatever you want as long as it doesn’t make you sick” (BTW, still love Dr. Marshall).

Despite my comments above, I appreciate the support you have given me the past year. I appreciate the free dinners, the prayers, the nights in together, and the rides to Georgetown for treatment (and yeah, I’m aware that parking at GUH costs more than parking at an NHL playoff game. They should make it health insurance deductible). I’m starting a clinical trial in a couple weeks, so your continued prayers would be appreciated. Thank you for all you’ve done.

Much love and warmest regards,
DMD

We Live the Given Life, not the Planned

2010-10-26T22:17:57-04:00

A quote from Wendell Berry:

We live the given life, not the planned.

Reminds me of the pithy little saying - "Man plans, God laughs." Both of those quotes comport well with divine sovereignty and the doctrine of vocation. Could change the way we look at life.

Better to be 500 Years Behind than 5 Minutes Behind

2010-10-26T11:05:00-04:00

I found the following quote attributed to Joseph Sobran. The "quote-r" doesn't reference the original source and I'm not familiar with Sobran so if anyone knows the original source please do chime in. Sobran said he

"had rather be in a church that is 500 years behind the times tha one that is five minutes behind the times, huffing and puffing, trying to catch up."

Thanks to commenter DT for below for setting me straight. What I had quoted above is apparently a bit off - maybe done from the reader's memory. Here's the actual quote:

"It can be exalting to belong to a church that is five hundred years behind the times and sublimely indifferent to fashion; it is mortifying to belong to a church that is five minutes behind the times, huffing and puffing to catch up."

Also, DT gave the original source for the quote - an article called "Notes for the Reactionary of Tomorrow." I started reading that article and it is long, but very profound, especially for those who want an insight into the nature of conservatism.

The Old Things are New

2010-10-24T20:26:16-04:00

This quote from G. K. Chesterton hits home on so many levels.

WHATEVER makes men feel old is mean -- an empire or a skin-flint shop. Whatever makes men feel young is great -- a great war or a love-story. And in the darkest of the books of God there is written a truth that is also a riddle. It is of the new things that men tire - of fashions and proposals and improvements and change. It is the old things that startle and intoxicate. It is the old things that are young. There is no sceptic who does not feel that many have doubted before. There is no rich and fickle man who does not feel that all his novelties are ancient. There is no worshipper of change who does not feel upon his neck the vast weight of the weariness of the universe. But who who do the old things are fed by nature with a perpetual infancy. No man who is in love thinks that any one has been in love before. No woman who has a child thinks that there have been such things as children. No people that fight for their own city are haunted with the burden of broken empires. Yes, O dark voice, the world is always the same, for it is always unexpected.

G. K. Chesterton, The Napolean of Notting Hill, p. 157

An Apologetic for Using the Private Means of Grace

2010-10-21T22:55:14-04:00

Last week I did a couple of posts on bible reading and prayer. In the first one I talked about my friend "Bill" who knows he needs to read the bible and pray every day, feels guilt and sinful for not doing so, yet still never seems able to motivate himself enough or feel guilty enough to stay consistent with his quiet times. I tried to bring some grace into the discussion and help Bill deal with some of the guilt.

In the second one I started to offer a non-guilt-inducing apologetic for reading the Bible and prayer. Then I got side tracked. I started looking at the means of grace and got going on the priority of preaching and corporate worship. I argued that preaching and public worship takes precedence over private devotion. My good buddy Dan Phillips chimed in that we ought not to think of private devotions vs. public worship in an either/or fashion and he is right about that. However, I think that it's probably worth a little more spilled ink, keystrokes and pixels to defend the importance the public and corporate, only because it is neglected. But again, Dan is right and here's attempt 2 at what I started to post the other day on an apologetic for using the private means of grace.

1. Don't think of it is law

I know we have covered that but it is worth saying again. Paul said that he would not have known what it was to covet had the law not said "do not covet" (Romans 7:7-8). I wonder if we sometimes fail to have "quiet times" because we make a law that says "thou shalt have a quiet time," or "thou shalt not fail to have a quiet time." I can remember that when I first came into faith the joy and delight of my life was to read the bible and pray. I prayed at all times and read the bible every chance I could. If I was doing something else I couldn't wait to get home or get to my room to read the bible and pray. I really only started to struggle with bible reading and prayer when I learned that a Christian had to read the bible and pray and was given a quiet time notebook that I had to fill out every day.

I'm not blaming those who said I should have quiet times, just saying that I did what sinful people with sinful natures do when given a rule. Also, I understand that when you first come to faith there is a kind of "honeymoon phase" where everything is new and exciting and I probably would have slacked off anyway. But still, any time you make a law of something the sinful nature kicks in and resists.

2. Remember that the bible and private prayer are gifts and graces (not laws).

I mentioned this in one of the prior posts, quoting Scott Clark from Westminster Seminary in California. I mentioned that in the last post but I'd like to elaborate in a different direction. One of the reasons I think we ought to be careful about making a "law" of the quiet time is that the "quiet time" as we know it is a relatively recent thing. Historically, it's only been since the invention of the printing press that Christians have been able to take bibles home to read. Also, there are still many brothers and sisters in the world today who don't have the luxury of taking a bible home to read. Granted, private prayer has always been possible, but I think the reading of Scripture is far more important because this is where God speaks to us.

Having said that, this speaks to the incredibly privileged position we who have bibles are in. It's a tremendous gift that relatively few Christians have or have had. To be able to read the bible in the privacy of one's home is a rare privilege indeed, one we should make use of all we can.

3. Focus on the treasure, not the shovel.

I've never been a treasure hunter but I'll have a go on a theory here. It seems to me that no one who has ever discovered great treasure were ambitious early in life to become good with a shovel. My guess is they had a great ambition to find buried treasure and became proficient handling a shovel (and other tools) along the way.

Of course, somewhere along the way to discovering treasure you have to learn to use the tools of the trade. But it seems to me that the desire for the treasure was the dominating feature of their lives.

Similarly, I think we often move too quickly into the necessity of using the tools before fully describing the glory of the treasure to be found.

I once had a discussion with our youth director on how best to disciple young Christians. At this time he had become a little uneasy with the standard discipleship faire - get them saved then start teaching them the spiritual disciplines so they can become mature Christians. On the one hand he wasn't convinced this worked best, and on another hand growth had been transformed into something dependent on self-effort (spiritual discipline!) and on yet a third hand the goal had become a selfish one - one's own spiritual maturity. His impression was that we should start teaching kids about God and His attributes, the person and work of Christ and so on and so forth. All along we would be using the Bible as the tool to know God and prayer as a response. We could work instruction on bible study and prayer in among the study. The goal would be to keep Christ before the disciple and to cultivate a love for Him.

If you read my post a couple of days ago about my conversation with "Bill" you may have seen a segment of the conversation where I asked "Bill" if there was anything in the bible he wanted to learn or anything about God that he could gain through quiet times. He said that he really just wanted to "get through it." God wasn't the clear treasure here.

This is why I deflected the question about getting better at quiet times. I asked "Bill" to contemplate God's grace and goodness and to think on how great a thing it is to be forgiven of one's sins. My hope was that God would become attractive to "Bill" so that he would want to go to the Bible and prayer to know him better.

4. Pursue God not spiritual maturity

This is a corollary of the above and is really just another way of saying the same thing. However, there is a nuance of difference here I thought might be worth highlighting. Let me try out another analogy here.

Some folks run for the exhilaration of running and some run to get in shape. Personally I've never experienced a bit of exhilaration in running and I've never wanted to get in shape so bad that I would resort to running to do it. Still, I've heard of people in both camps.

If God is the run, for some God Himself is the joy for the one, and He is a means to an end to the other. Both may have a proper theological understanding that God reveals Himself in the Scriptures. But one has a selfish end and the other a self-denying, God embracing end.

BTW - I understand it seems like I am splitting verbal hairs here. Some would say that "when I say I am pursuing spiritual maturity by that I mean that I am pursuing God." That's fine if it's true. But John says that "He must become greater I must become less," in John 3:30. I wouldn't push the matter too much but it is out of the overflow of the heart that the mouth speaks (Matthew 12:34) and at the least it's probably a good idea to let our words serve as a diagnostic tool for our hearts. In other words, let's make God our goal, not some kind of personal spiritual achievement.

5. Embrace Your Insignificance

This goes along with #4 above. In the aforementioned post where I paraphrased the conversation with "Bill," he told me that he read someone who said that if we don't have a quiet time we are telling God we can handle life without Him. I made a wisecrack to the effect that, even if you were to tell God you could handle life without Him, He wouldn't believe you and would still be the one handling your life. God's loaning you some blood, muscles, bones, organs and some other things awhile and he's keeping them running, you walk and drive on God's roads, you eat God's food, breathe God's air, are married to God's child and are getting paid by God. He's running everything whether you acknowledge it or not.

Carl Trueman has one of my all time favorite articles called "An Unmessianic Sense of Non-Destiny." He speaks mostly to middle aged men who have crises and things like that over their sense of significance and accomplishment. He reminds us all that history went along just fine without us before we came and will continue fine without us when we are done. In fact, if we die young, after an appropriate time of mourning, our wives and kids will go on with their lives just fine after a fairly short time. The church is the main player in kingdom history, not the individual Christians involved and God promises to preserve the church, but the individual Christians who make up individual churches will have various outcomes and will largely be forgotten.

This is a wonderful thing because it cures us of our Messiah complexes. We act as if something terrible has happened in the grand scheme of the kingdom of God if we miss a quiet time, when really it won't.

I was talking about this very thing this week with our aforementioned youth director. He had a conversation with someone that was almost exactly like mine with "Bill." His "Bill" was the same - knew he needed to read the bible but then didn't and felt terrible about it. It seemed to our youth director and me that our "Bill's" and others treat reading the bible and prayer as such a momentous event, with so much riding on it that they wonder if they can do it. Along with that I think sometimes we are too afraid of doing it wrong, i. e. reading the bible the wrong way or praying the wrong way, that this hinders us from simply praying or reading the bible the wrong. way.

I started this post a couple of days ago so am coming back to it and it occurs to me that I am writing to a certain kind of person, of which I am one. I am writing to people for whom Christianity is a performance game, who struggle with alternating legalism and guilt, and who are very self-conscious. There are many who are naturally pretty disciplined and don't wrestle with this stuff the way people like me do. Also, many of you aren't so self-conscious and the bible and prayer delight you. To you I say, you are blessed and may your tribe increase.

For those who struggle like me and the "Bill's" of the world I hope some of this is helpful. I don't put much stock in testimony, but I can testify that when you can take yourself out of the loop and quit worrying about yourself, then God's word can become a delight and prayer can become a simple means of conversing with one's Father.

The Curse of Individualism in the Church

2010-10-20T00:02:39-04:00

Sometimes I feel rather Shakespearean in my posts, although in all the wrong ways. As a committed individualist I approached my Christian life, for most of my Christian life in individualistic terms. I never gave thought to how my pursuit of my own spiritual growth negatively affected others. Now, as a pastor I see myself all too often. So, I feel Shakespearean in the "methinks the lady doth protest too loudly" sense. But protest I will. Just because damaged the cause doesn't mean I can't help others avoid my folly.

Came across the following words in Mike Horton's book Made In America.

The Puritan was concerned that even his calling served the neighborhood or commonwealth rather than himself. He hardly doted on himself. Even religious activities were not to be done from selfish motives. God has justified him, having punished Christ in his place. Acceptance had been freely given, not achieved. Therefore, even developing one's personal relationship with Christ at the expense of the community was viewed as antisocial and, consequently, anti-Christian behavior.

An Apologetic for Using the Means of Grace

2010-10-15T17:12:30-04:00

Yesterday, I blogged about my friend Bill's struggle to be faithful to his quiet times and if you read the post you will see that I tried to divert his attention from himself, his performance and his failures to follow the law of the quiet time to think on the merits of Christ on his behalf. My hope in that dialogue was to free Bill from the sense of guilt he brings with him to the reading of the Word of God and prayer, so that he could bask in the goodness of God and hopefully develop a desire to read the Word and pray instead of being driven by some kind of performance objectives he needs to live up to, or conversely, fear that if he fails to have quiet times that God is going to get him.

Having said that, I left an incomplete picture in that post. The truth is that all of the things I shared with Bill to try to alleviate his guilt and show him the grace of Christ, all came from the Word of God. I would not have those things to share with him had I not received them from the Word of God. It is essential that we be in and under the Word of God at all times if we are to know and experience the grace of God. Prayer, based upon the Word of God is a wonderful means of access to and communication with the God of the Word.

So in what follows I am offering an apologetic, or reason for getting into the Word of God and prayer under the heading of using the means of grace. As I wrote the words below it became too wordy and I'll split it up into another post. As I wrote the words below the post kind of evolved into an apologetic for hearing the Word of God and I think I'll just go ahead and let it stand on that. We get very wrapped up in the private reading of the Word and private prayer, when the big deal is public worship, preaching and corporate prayer. The public use of the means of grace sets the stage for the private use of those means so I hope that what follows helps you understand and appreciate the most important aspect of the means of grace. Tomorrow or next week I'll go ahead and let this flow into some more thoughts on the private use of the means of grace.

1. The Word of God and Prayer are gifts, graces, not law.

As Scott Clark says here " The private devotional life is not a law, it is a grace. It is not a metaphorical whip with which to prod Christians to godliness, it is the natural outgrowth of union with Christ."

2. The language of "spiritual disciplines" is not the best, it should be replaced with the older language of "means of grace."

Here I'm showing my love for our fathers in the faith and I'm just offering the natural outgrowth of Clark's comment above. When our forefathers called these things "means of grace," the emphasis was on receiving what God has done for us in Christ. We've gone to calling these things "spiritual disciplines" and that puts the emphasis on what we must do for God, not what He has done for us. Thus a new burden is placed on us. The burden of being what God wants us to be is now placed on our shoulders.

If we see the Bible and prayer as gifts for us I think our hearts, or affections if you want to use Jonathan Edwards terminology, may be more inclined toward the use and appropriation of them than if we see them as tasks to accomplish.

3. The corporate and public takes precedence over the personal and private

I think this is a big overlooked issue in our day. It has almost become self-evident, needing no explanation or defense, that the our personal and private devotions are the most important thing in the Christian life. Even though this seems self-evident to us today it has not always been this way in the church.

David Clarkson has an old sermon that we all ought to take more seriously called "Public Worship to be Preferred before Private." In the article I referenced above by Scott Clark he points out that this preference for the private over the public is the legacy of pietism. Clark is defending the reformed tradition against pietism, rightly I believe, but even those who aren't reformed ought to be aware that this preference for the private over the public is a newer and more novel belief that can rightly be challenged from the Scriptures, as Clarkson does so ably.

The good news in all of this is that if you go to a church that preaches the Word of God in it's integrity, meaning it rightly preaches law and gospel, and that offers the sacraments in their integrity, then you have come within the circle of God's means of grace. Think of the means of grace as a water sprinkler - as the Word is preached and the sacraments are administered they are like water going out from a sprinkler and every blade of grass, or individual, who falls within the circle of that preaching and administration of the sacraments gets dripped on and soaked by the grace of God.

Now, you may be wearing a raincoat when you come to church, doing your best to make sure the water doesn't get you wet. But that doesn't change the fact that the grace of God is being poured out.

4. Let's remember that in the Scriptures, the Word of God enters mainly through the ear gate.

One of those weird things in the Westminster Shorter Catechism that I think most people pass over is question #89 which asks "how is the Word made effectual to salvation?" The answer is:

The Spirit of God maketh the reading, but especially the preaching of the Word, an effectual means of convincing and converting sinners, and of building them up in holiness and comfort, through faith, unto salvation.

I checked and John Piper even lets that question stand as-is in his baptist catechism. That statement is actually quite startling if you think about it - that the preaching of God's Word, and I would assume that includes the hearing of God's Word on the part of those to whom it is preached, is more important than reading it.

I think this point is worthy of some extended discussion. Romans 10:17 says that faith comes through hearing, and hearing through the Word of God and Romans 10:14ff identifies that as the Word which is preached. In James 1:22ff we are accountable to the Word we have listened to. I'm pretty sure that, since the invention of the printing press, we have just assumed that the reading and hearing of the Word are interchangeable. Now that we have the Word of God in a format that we can take home with us we don't need to hear it in public from the lips of a preacher. I know that, for the longest time I approached things that way.

But I wonder if there is more to these verses in the Bible on hearing than we ordinarily think. Our forefathers who wrote the confessions and catechisms lived in a time when the Bible was being printed and distributed to the common man and they rejoiced in that, it was one of the great victories of the reformation. Yet still, even in a time when the Bible could be placed in the hands of the common man who could read it for himself, they seemed to think that the Bible itself taught that God works more effectively through public preaching of the Word than private reading.

Getting back to my friend Bill and his struggles with the quiet time, this may seem like I have chased a rabbit and gotten off track and am missing the issue he is struggling with. But I raise this to say that maybe Bill is the one who is off track and worried about the wrong thing.

And it may in fact be that there is a huge blessing that Bill is missing here because he has imbibed the pietistic spirit of the age. If Bill is like most folks he goes to church and patiently endures the sermon, and is only half-engaged with it, if at all. If Bill is like many folks I meet his main concern for the sermon is that it not be too long and that it be very practical and doesn't make him think too hard. And this is ok in Bill's mind because it is not necessary that he engage with the sermon because he's got his bible back home that he can study in private, and after all, that's what God really wants him to do.

But what if Bill awakened to the fact that the gathered worship and the Sunday morning sermon is where the action is in the Christian life. What if Bill were like the Ehtiopian Eunuch in Acts 8:26ff, who possessed a copy of the Word of God, yet realized that he needed a guide to understand it. What if Bill realized that God gave him a church and a pastor to help him understand the Word of God? What if Bill engaged with the preached Word of God the way he keeps hoping to engage with the Word of God in private, though he never seems to attain that kind of engagement? If Bill took off his spiritual raincoat when he went to church and really let the grace of God soak him through the reading of the Word, the corporate worship and the preaching of the Word, he might get so soaked with grace that it would take him a week to dry out, just in time to get soaked again.

Having said all of that I'll stop here for now and plan to start another post dealing with the private use of the means of grace. We are uniquely blessed to live in a time when we can not only hear the Word of God we can take it home with us and read it. Unfortunately, many have embraced a mode of living where the private reading of the Word takes precedence over the public hearing, and the church suffers for it and so do those of us live this way. I put myself in that "us" in the last sentence because that has almost always been my own mode of living.

However, if we can get these things in order, the priority of the corporate and public to the personal and private, the personal and private part of our lives can become a source of joy for us. It is an amazing privilege to be able to take the Word of God in written form home with us. Most of our brothers and sisters throughout history could never do this and a good number of our brothers and sisters who are alive today can't do this. But this Word of God is a gift, not a guillotine, it is intended to be a blessing, not a burden to us. The same goes for prayer. We'll talk about this more next time.

Is the gospel of any use to the Christian?

2010-10-14T23:53:26-04:00

I have a concern/fear/worry that most professing Christians don't understand the significance of the gospel for their lives nor do they appreciate all that Jesus has accomplished on their behalf. That concern is mainly driven by the fact that the "they" in the last sentence has been me for most of my Christian life.

Which is not to say that I've got all of this figured out. But I have been given a season of weakness where I have had to come to grips with the fact that I have nothing to offer to God. In truth I never had anything to offer to God and neither do any of us, it's just that I thought I did.

It seems to me now that almost all of us have embraced a mode of Christian living where we come into the faith via the gospel then set it aside as we seek to grow in Christ. It seems to me that our mode of Christian living is usually the pursuit of self-improvement or getting better.

Here's a paraphrase of a couple of conversations I had recently with a dear friend that illustrates this. The name has been changed here, but I'll say up front that "Bill" is a true Christian who loves the gospel but who stuggles with guilt and feelings of condemnation over his failures to be all that God wants them to be. I've known him long enough to know this is a long term problem, and I've also known myself and other Christians long enough to know that this is a common struggle. Let me also say that I have a close enough relationship with "Bill" that I felt comfortable being more direct than usual in these conversations and I'll also mention that "Bill" has given me permission to share all of this.

Bill: Do you have a regular quiet time?

Me: Not really. (I know that is probably shocking, but see here and here for a more biblical perspective on the "law of the quiet time").

Bill: I really need to do better with my quiet times. I was reading _______________ (insert name of famous author and famous book here) and they said that if you are not having a regular quiet time you are basically telling God you can handle life on your own without Him.

Me: Yeah, I guess so. But don't worry, even if you tell God you can handle life on your own, He doesn't believe you. He's still handling your life even if you don't know it or acknowledge it.

Bill: OK, but I need to do a better job of having my quiet times.

Me: OK, so what happens if you don't do a better job of having your quiet times?

Charlie: Well I'll just be a better Christian if I do. I won't be as close to God if I don't. I look at __________ (insert name of local super-saint here) and they are always having a quiet time and are such a good Christian, and ____________(insert name of other local super-saint here) and they are so wise and I want to be more like them.

Me: OK, so is God going to love you less if you don't have a consistent quiet time?

Bill: Well no, but don't you think God wants us to have quiet times?

Me: Well sure, but it sounds to me like you just want to be like ________ and __________ and want to earn a promotion from God.

Bill: Yeah, they are such good Christians. And doesn't God want me to be a better Christian?

Me: How much better do you have to get at having quiet times and how much better of a Christian do you have to be before God will be satisfied with you?

Bill: ???

Me: If you fail to have a quiet time, how does that detract from the sufficiency of Christ's atoning work for you?

Bill: It doesn't, but doesn't God want us to spend time with Him?

Me: Sure, but if you don't, does He love you less?

Bill: Well, He's more pleased.

Me: So let me get this straight, God's ongoing pleasure with you is dependent on you having a quiet time and being a better Christian, not on what Christ did for you on the cross.

Bill: Umm . . .

Me: So how long have you been dissatisfied with your spiritual growth and feeling bad about your lack of quiet times?

Bill: Almost of my Chistian life. I was taught as a very young Christian that a good Chistian will have a daily quiet time and I have never been very good at that. I'll do it for awhile and slack off.

Me: And what changes has this produced? How haw all of this worrying and fretting helped you? How have all of your new plans and initiatives to be better at having quiet times worked out?

Bill: Well, they didn't work out, but at least I felt bad about it, at least I felt bad about not having my quiet times.

(Nervous laughter from both of us . . . )

Me: So you continue on, feeling bad about not having enough quiet times, and trying to do better, but you never get better and you keep feeling bad about it.

Bill: Yes

Me: OK. let me throw something else at you to think about. It sounds like you are making an idol of ________ and ________. You admire them and so you want to become the kind of person you can admire.

Bill: Hmm . . . ok, maybe.

Me: I think it's just a case that you are following the typical kinds of teaching and training we get in the church, I know that's how I was trained and how I lived for most of my Christian life. I wanted to be a "good Christian," like others I admired. But this pretty much makes an idol of yourself and leaves God out.

Bill: OK, I can see that.

Me: Again, I think this is probably just a case of following sincere but misguided training. On the other hand, this may truly be a case of deep sin. And if it is a case of sin it is the sin of making an idol of yourself, you wanting to be a "good Christian," which means you become the kind of person you can look up to rather than looking to Christ. You want to admire yourself rather than trust Christ.

Bill: Hmmm . . .

Me: Yeah, I'm not trying to make you feel bad here, I think we are all like this. But the upshot of all of this is that we admire and value our own spiritual performance more than we value Jesus' work on the cross.

Bill: Ooh . . .

Me: OK, at the risk of rubbing it in let me ask you something else - is there anything in the Bible you really want to read or anything you want to know about God that you can find out by reading the Bible?

Bill: Well, I can't think of anything, I just want to read through the whole thing.

Me: So here's how it is - the Bible is not the kind of book you really want to read, and it really doesn't have anything in it that appeals to you and that you really want to know. You just think you need to read it so that you can get a promotion from God and become the kind of person you can look up to.

Bill: Umm . . . well, if you put it that way.

Me: Again, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, most of us are that way. But I'm just trying to illustrate the way we professing Christians tend to think. Think of it this way - when you wake up in the morning do you wake up as a person who is deficient spiritually, and who is a bad Christian who needs to get better? Or, do you wake up as a sinner for whom Christ died, whose sins are forgiven, who is loved by God with an everlasting love and a love which nothing can separate you from?

Bill: I guess the first.

Me: And here's another way of thinking about this. You would probably feel more at ease in your soul if you could be this mythical "good Christian" that you've got in your imagination than you would in knowing that Christ has forgiven your sins.

Bill: I guess so.

Me: But, suppose you woke up in the morning as a forgiven sinner, who didn't have the pressure of having the pressure of spiritual performance haunting you, and as one who was surrounded by the grace of God.

Bill: OK . . .

Me: And suppose your attention was on God and all He has done for you in Christ rather than on yourself and suppose your eyes were opened to all the blessings God has poured out on you and the goodness that surrounds you.

Bill: Alright . . .

Me: If that was what you woke up to every day, the knowledge that you are a forgiven sinner surrounded by the grace of God, do you think you might then want to read His word and spend time with Him?

Bill: I think so.

I'll stop it here and mention that we've had many other conversations in this regard and in pretty much all of our conversations I focus on Christ and His benefits. In the conversations I'm paraphrasing here I was more blount and direct than ever and I want to assure you I don't go around accusing people of being idolaters and things like that. Trust me when I say that "Bill" is one of the most sincere and faithful Christians I know. These were just situations where I felt we were at enough of a comfort level that I could say these things in a non-threatening way and I can say these kinds of things because I have spent my whole Christian life practicing these things myself. I was hoping to kind of shock "Bill" out of that performance orientation that was causing so much distress.

And having said that, may I encourage you dear reader, to take these things to heart. I know that I have endured far too much self-inflicted misery in my Christian life because I have been on that performance treadmill and I have also spent most of my life looking within for evidences of God's favor, rather than looking to the cross. I dare say that my experience and "Bill's" is common. I almost never meet a satisfied or content Christian.

Most folks I know whould say that, given our inherent sinfulness, we should never be satisfied in ourselves or we won't pursue holiness. But my response to this is that I don't think we know how to be satisfied in Christ. We place a greater value on overcoming sin than in being forgiven of sin. By God's grace may we turn that value system around.

Where is our attention focused?

2010-10-13T15:30:32-04:00

The old Chinese proverb, which may in fact be a curse, says "may you live in interesting times." I am living in interesting times, interesting to me, and maybe me alone. I am in the midst of a great battle for my health which at times discourages and deflates me, yet in my weakness the grace of Christ has become more and more manifest and dear to me than ever.

For the most part I have little energy with which to engage the tasks I am called to do, but I am in a season right now where I do have a bit more energy and am busy trying to do some things I haven't been able to do for over a year.

Our church has had several families leave in the last year, yet we are also seeing several new families joining with us because they have found a place which gives them the gospel in it's fulness and the undiluted Word of God.

So, it's ups and downs, ups and downs. But here is what I find the most - the ups come when we turn our attention to what Christ has done for us, the downs come when we turn our attention to all we must do for Him.

When I am physially weak and unable to perform the tasks that come with my calling as a preacher I am down, especially when I look at all that goes undone. Now that I have a bit of energy I am getting some of those things done. Yet, the thought occurs to me that Jesus' love for me and the value of His atoning work on my behalf is the same on days when things are done and undone. My performance may go up and down, but the value of His work on my behalf never wanes, so which will I focus on and which will I take comfort from?

With our church, when people leave or complain the reason is almost always some variation on the theme of what we as a body have failed to do or be for Christ. When people join us and show enthusiasm for who we are and what we are doing it is almost always some variation on the theme that they have heard from us the good news of all that Christ has done for them, and they can rejoice in this good news.

To me it all comes down to where our attention lies, where our focus is and where is our source of delight. Zechariah 3:1-5 shows the different kinds of attention, or foci, of different kinds of beings:

¹Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. ²And the LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, O Satan! The LORD who haschosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is not this a brandplucked from the fire?" ³Now Joshua was standing before the angel, clothed with filthy garments. ⁴And the angel said tothose who were standing before him, "Remove the filthy garments from him." And to him he said, "Behold,I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments." ⁵And I said, "Let them put a clean turban on his head." So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him with garments. And the angel of the LORD was standing by.

Satan's attention will always be drawn to the filth in the lives of the people of God, as individuals and as the church. Satan will always accuse and will always publicize, privately and publicly, the filth. It's all he can see. The Lord and His angels will see the covering.

The odd thing here is that, though Satan is the father of lies, in this case he was not lying - Joshua was filthy and worthy of the accusation. Yet God did not let the accusations stand, He removed them and covered them. This is a wonderful picture of the atoning work of Christ.

It's a wonderful insight into the way we view the church and our fellow believers. Do we see our churches and fellow believers with the eyes of Satan or with the eyes of God.

What is the most apparent thing when you look at me - are my disease, compromised productivity for the kingdom of God and failure to live up to my potential as a Christian and a pastor the things that are most apparent? Or, is there something I have done in my life which you might consider good? To see those things are to see me with the eyes of Satan. But the eyes of God see how Christ has given grace for my weakness, accomplishment by His work on the cross for my failures in service and forgiveness for my sins.

What is most apparent when you look at your church - is it the church's failure to be what Christ has called that church to be? Conversely, are you proud of all that your church has accomplished for Christ? To be disappointed with your church's failures or to be proud of it's accomplishments for the Kingdom are both evidences of seeing with the eyes of Satan. To see your church with the eyes of God is to see a community of people who are marked by atonement, not accomplishment, and to rejoice for and with them that they are always recipients of the forgivenss of Christ.

What is most apparent when you look at yourself? And here I am speaking to Christians in particular. Do you mostly see your filthy garments and do you spend your life trying to wash yourself clean? Or, are you driven by a feeling that there is something you must do for God or be for God? When you look at your life do you see nothing but failure in being who God has called you to be? Or, when you look at your life do you see someone who has offered and performed some valuable services to God and His kingdom. All of this is to see yourself through the eyes of Satan. Hopefully you see yourself as a sinner and can see the filthy garments on yourself. If you don't see that then Satan has blinded you. But do you see yourself as a sinner in need of atonement, or covering from Christ, or do you see yourself as a sinner in need of self-improvement, who needs to be a better Christian. To see yourself as a sinner in need of atonement at all times is to see yourself with the eyes of Christ, to see yourself as someone who needs to improve or get better is to see yourself with the eyes of Satan. And by the way, if you see yourself as a sinner always in need of atonement, can you see that the atonement is always there, the blood of Christ is always covering your sin and failure?

In short, is Christ and His work at the forefront of your attention in this world or is your performance and the performance of others at the forefront of your attention. To see the first is to see the world through the eyes of God, to see the latter is to see with the eyes of Satan.

Question on a couple of curriculums

2010-10-11T21:03:47-04:00

Hi everyone, I have a question. This is mostly for church and ministry leaders but any input would be welcome.

I have just come across a recommendation from a trusted source for two curriculums on training for missional ministry.

One is called "The Tangible Kingdom." There is a book by that title, a "Tangible Kingdom Primer," and a website devoted to training this stuff.

The other is the Acts29 Kit by the Navigators. Please note that is not affiliated with Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill - Seattle or the Acts29 Network.

Just looking for info on these - has anyone tried them? What's your experience?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from anyone from a confessional tradition, but any feedback would be appreciated.

A Two Handed Grip on the Sword of the Spirit

2010-10-10T20:54:16-04:00

Hi friends and neighbors. I've had a few folks ask me about the blog lately and I think I'm going to ty re-up it. Back in the day when I had a wide readership I was writing kind of to proces and express my own thoughts and I was also always sticking my nose in major theological and ecclesiastical issues of the day. I developed a wide readership but not many of those were members of my church.

As I try to re-up the blog I'm going to try to self-consciously focus on topics of utmost relevance to my church, the local one, not the universal one. At the same time I hope that these kinds of topics will still be of interest to the wider church. I won't try to conduct church business here on the blog but will blog on biblical and theological topics relevant to things we are dealing with. One thing I'd like to do - and this will help build continuity with what I used to blog - is offer some sermon related material. Often, a preacher prepares more during his study during the week than he is able to share in the sermon and a good deal gets left on the cutting room floor. So, I'll share some of that.

For now I'll mention that I am doing a series on the law of God and I'm taking the old tack that sees the law and gospel as the two parts of the Word of God, both needing to be preached together. The older and more conservative Lutherans are the most noted for this approach, but this is also a foundational matter in the Reformed tradition.

I mentioned today that, as disciples of Christ, we are apprentices of Christ who are called to learn to use the tools of the trade. Our main tool of the trade is the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, and I offered a word picture of thinking of the law and gospel as the two hands by which we grip the sword, the Word of God. To properly handle the Word of God we must be able to distinguish the hand of the law which contains commands, prohibitions, and threats, from the gospel which contains words of promise, provision and redemption.

Since I'm just using this as a kick-off post to help get me back in the groove of blogging I'll stop there, except to emphasize that law and gospel must be properly distinguished and noted if we are to apply the Word of God to our lives. For now here's a couple of links which may be helpful. I'm working my way through these first two books:

C. F. W. Walther - The Proper Distinction Between Law and Gospel - a traditonal Lutheran treatise, maybe the magnum opus from the Lutheran tradition on the law and gospel.

Edward Fisher - The Marrow of Modern Divinity - a reformed treatise, combating the errors of legalism and antinomianism.

Quotes on Law and Gospel - this is a compilation from Scott Clark at Westminster West of quotes from Calvin and others in the reformed tradition on the law-gospel distinction. This is part of Scott Clark's ongoing defense of the law-gospel distinction in the reformed tradition, showing that this is not only a Lutheran distinctive.

Health Update 9-16-10 and a Few Thoughts on the Kindness of God

2010-09-16T19:59:10-04:00

Hi everyone it's me, the blogger formerly known as the Jollyblogger. Just thought I'd pop in to say hi and see what it's like to blog again.

Over the last few months chemo really got to me so I didn't do much of anything, but I'm kind of coming out of the fog now and thought I'd go ahead and give you an update.

I had a CT scan a couple of weeks ago and the results are good. I found out that I actually have 5 or 6 tumors in my lungs, so that wasn't a happy thing. But they have been there all along and the reason nobody made a big deal of it apparently was that there were only two that were big enough to be of any concern.

The good news is that, in the 18 months or so that I have been on chemo all of the tumors have shrunk significantly. The biggest tumor was obviously in my colon, hence the surgery in December of 08 and the next biggest one was about 2.5 inches in my life. There was another one in my liver almost that big. The good news is that both of those tumors have shrunk till they are only about a centimeter now and all of the tumors in my lungs are a centimeter or less. There was no dramatic change in size in any of them since my last CT scan in April, but there were a couple that may have shrunk a millimeter or so.

The best news is that I am getting a break from chemotherapy. It was getting me down and I was getting to the point where I feared having to continue with chemo almost as much as I feared getting a bad report on the CT scan. So I have the month of September completely off with no chemo at all. Then in October I'll go on a maintenance regimen with a medicine called Avastin. Technically, the medical personnel don't put this one in the same category as "chemo" drugs. It's what they call a "biologic" (I think that's the word) and it works by cutting off blood supply to tumors. This has been a part of the cocktail I have been getting all of this time and come October it will be the only thing I'll get. The only real side effects it has is that it increases blood pressure and it can cause bleeding. So I do have to watch out for bleeding but over the whole of my treatment I have had only minimal bleeding in my mouth and nose and it's been much less over the last few months. My BP has gone up a bit but I have some medicine.

So the bottom line is that I expect minimal if any side effects. I'll see the doc again in November and I suppose we'll schedule another CT scan at that time. If there is no growth in tumors I'll get to stay on this maintenance regimen. But needless to say I am very happy that I can look forward to almost three months without chemo.

Right now I've been sick all week and I don't know if I'm still just recovering from the chemo or if I have come down with something, but I do expect to get better and start enjoying life.

Again, please accept my sincere thanks for all of the prayers and kind words. I came across a poem on Tim Ferris's website on called "Discovering Kindness in the Storm" which perfectly describes my experience. It is not Christian in origin but it is wise, and where the author says "kindness" I hear the words "the kindness of God and His people," or the "grace of God and His people. It is a wonderful description of my own experience and I have to say that as much as I hate chemo and all of the things associated with cancer, that I don't think I would ever have awakened to the grace and kindness of God that surrounds me without going through all of this.

Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

So again, to everyone who has prayed even the smallest prayer or offered any kind words on my behalf, please accept my deepest appreciation and gratitude.

And, since I am a preacher after all, may I offer one brief word of exhortation. I meet so many, too many, Christians who are discontent and dissatisfied with life. I suppose in many ways I was one before my battle with cancer and I would gladly pray for all of you that you don't have to go through something commensurate to cancer to learn contentment. But if you find the seeds of discontent in your life would you pray that God opens your eyes to the grace and kindness that surrounds you. It's there, trust me, you are just blinded to it. God has given Christ as an atonement for sin, God does love His children with an indescribable love. And He is busy in His providence pouring out His love and kindness to us in innumerable ways every day. Would you pray and ask God to open your eyes to His kindness and grace that envelops you!