Here’s a recap of Week 1:

End of Watch - 2/5 stars This Gyllenhaal cop movie has some Oscar buzz, to which I say, “OVER-RATED! CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!” See our [...]]]> We have taken the ultimate challenge here at TVCasualties headquarters: we will attempt to watch 365 movies in 365 days… or die trying. (Okay, not really.)

Here’s a recap of Week 1:

End of Watch - 2/5 stars
This Gyllenhaal cop movie has some Oscar buzz, to which I say, “OVER-RATED! CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!”
See our full review here.

Event Horizon - 1/5 stars
The writer pitched this movie as The Shining: In Space. The director seemed to put his own twist on it and added Hellraiser: In Space. The final product kind of blended both of those concepts together into what I would call Pile Of Shit: In Space.

Fido - 4/5 stars
Fido is a ZomCom (Zombie comedy) that satirizes 1950′s family values:  Shaun of the Dead meets Lassie. You will root for and like the zombie character, even though he doesn’t have a single line of dialogue. It’s not really a horror movie, so it’s the perfect zombie movie to watch if your girlfriend is kind of a wuss and hates scary stuff.

The Queen of Versailles - 4.5/5 stars
The Queen of Versailles starts as a documentary about a billionaire and his trophy wife building the largest home in the United States, which looks more like a tacky Vegas hotel than a house. When the economy tanks in 2008, however, construction on the home halts and the family’s fortunes falter. It becomes less of a display of wealth and more of a portrait of a dysfunctional family in a crisis. Jackie, the trophy wife, surprisingly winds up being the sympathetic character.

The Pact - 4.5/5
It’s rare for a horror movie to blend supernatural element with serial killer elements successfully, but The Pact delivers the goods. It has an abundance of creepy scenes and a plot that keeps building suspense until the very end. I did not sleep well after watching this movie.

NOROI - 2.5/5
This Japanese “found footage” horror movie set the stage well with an inventive structure, but the movie didn’t execute the scares (especially  in the final act) to pay off on the setup. Also, it was long as hell.

Safety Not Guaranteed - 3.5/5
Safety Not Guaranteed is a poor man’s version of a Thomas McCarthy or Wes Anderson movie. It’s full of quirk and enthusiasm for it’s characters which is pretty infectious, but when it was over, I felt like there was something missing.

Officer Taylor walks around with a little camera clipped to his uniform, making End of [...]]]> In End of Watch, Brian Taylor (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Mike Zavala (Michael Peña) are LAPD officers that think they’re cock of the walk, bad ass, crime fighting, protectors of The Law. I hope that works out well for them.

Officer Taylor walks around with a little camera clipped to his uniform, making End of Watch a kinda sorta documentary or “found footage” style movie. There was some half-assed explanation for the candid camera nonsense that I don’t even remember, which matches the half-assed utilization of the style itself.

I tend to like documentary style movies, because the style can enhance the suspense and give an added sense of reality. However, in End of Watch, I think the documentary style is a detriment. It was unnecessary and sloppy. A few “found footage” scenes took me right out of the movie, because I had to stop and ask, “Okay, this footage came from where?” File that under exactly how NOT to do documentary style. And this was all the more irritating because the scenes could easily have been cut. Or perhaps an even better idea: ditch the documentary idea completely.

End of Watch wants to be a movie like The Departed or Drive, but it falls so short in almost every aspect. There are really only two characters. The rest- the boss, the annoying coworker, the lesbian coworker, the wife, the girlfriend, and The Bad Guys- serve as mere background noise and plot devices and topics for the two main characters to talk about as they meander around Los Angeles and periodically do heroic shit.

The plot is such a straight line that I predicted the ending about 2 minutes into the movie. That isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes a movie’s ending is predictable because it’s the most satisfying ending to the story. But sometime a movie has been done so many times, what you’re seeing isn’t anything new. End of Watch is the latter.

If you want a gritty cop drama set in Los Angeles, try the first season of Southland instead.

TV Casualties Rating:

out of 5

If you’re not in the mood for that, you could always play some bingo: Play at foxy bingo.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of [...]]]> If you want to watch a funny movie, but you also wanna see someone get their damn throat slit, you’re probably going to want to watch a funny horror movie.

If you’re not in the mood for that, you could always play some bingo: Play at foxy bingo.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

This documentary style movie follows Leslie Vernon’s quest to be the next Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees.

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

Due to a series of misunderstandings, two hicks and a group of college kids battle to the death.  Hilariously.

The Return of the Living Dead

Some punk kids, a mortician, and some medical supply company employees try to survive the zombie apocalypse. Probably my all-time favorite zombie movie.

Evil Dead 2

Bruce Campbell fights evil by replacing his severed hand with a chainsaw and chopping it up into little bits.

The Cabin In The Woods

It seems like a horror movie about a group of college kids going to a cabin in the woods. But there’s a lot more going on. With funnies.

Troll 2

This is the only unintentionally funny movie on our list, and it might be the funniest of the bunch. There are no trolls in Troll 2. There are goblins. The rest of the move makes even less sense than that, in an unbelievably awesome way.

Re-Animator

The tagline says it all: Dr. Herbert West has a very good head on his shoulders… and another one in a dish on his desk.

Scream

One of the first horror movies to make fun of the genre while maintaining all of the slasher traditions.

Shaun of the Dead

This one works as a straight forward comedy and a straight forward zombie movie at the same time.

Sleepaway Camp

It seems like your typical summer camp slasher, but there’s a shocking ending. Not necessarily a funny movie, but a fun one.

Cabin Fever

You know the story: a bunch of kids go to a cabin in the woods. The next thing you know, they’re dropping like flies. Additionally,do not sit next to Dennis.

Extraterrestrial

This one is not a traditional horror movie, but it blends comedy and suspense into a story about an alien invasion.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 – Freddy’s Revenge

Okay, we lied about Troll 2 being the only unintentionally funny movie on the list. NOES2 is easily the most homoerotic of the Freddy Krueger films. As a horror movie, it sucks. But as a hilarious gay 80s romp, it is a great success. The bedroom dance scene alone makes this one worth watching.

Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister Grade: A+

Comments: We’ve been fans of Peter Dinklage since The Station Agent, so we figured he’d be awesome as Tyrion. And he is.

Charles Dance as [...]]]> Without further ado, a continuation of our grading of the cast of Game of Thrones.

Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister
Grade: A+

Comments: We’ve been fans of Peter Dinklage since The Station Agent, so we figured he’d be awesome as Tyrion. And he is.

Charles Dance as Tywin Lannister
Grade: A-

Comments: Dance’s portrayal of Tywin Lannister left me ice cold. Which is good because he’s a frigid old bastard.

Nikolai Coster-Waldau as Jaime Lannister
Grade: A+

Comments: We were worried that no one would be able to do Jaime Lannister, one of the most complex characters in the series, justice. Coster-Waldau melds Tywin’s coldness and Tyrions charming wit perfectly.

Lena Headey as Queen Cersei Lannister
Grade: C

Comments: Cersei Lannister is the role we’re most disappointed with after season 1. More than anyone else, Headey seems to be leaning towards the Lord of the Rings stoicism that takes all the dirty crazy fun out of George R. R. Martin’s series. Still, Headey will have a chance to redeem herself in future seasons, we think.

Jack Gleeson as Prince Joffrey Baratheon
Grade: A-

Comments: Gleeson gets a minus because he’s another one that’s so hate-able, he’s hard to like.

Mark Addy as King Robert Baratheon
Grade: A

Comments: Addy nailed the boozing, whoring King Baratheon and delivered and few laughs along the way.

Aiden Gillen as Petyr Baelish
Grade: A+

Comments: Gillen is another familiar face (The Wire) that delivered the effing goods. Baelish is a much more believable sociopath than the evil wizards of your average fantasy tale. Gillen is convincing as both the charming manipulator and as the snaky creep underneath.

Conleth Hill as Lord Varys
Grade: A-

Comments: Hill is exactly as we imagined Lord Varys, but the nature of his role means he doesn’t get any of the juicy scenes.

Rory McCann as Sandor “The Hound” Clegane
Grade: B+

Comments: Again, McCann fits the part but The Hound didn’t get much screen time in season 1. We’re hoping for more in future seasons.

Jerome Flynn as Bronn the Sellsword
Grade: A

Comments: Flynn is one of a few to have elevated his role, in our opinion. Bronn isn’t particularly memorable in the books, but his scenes with Tyrion were some of the high points of season 1.

Sibel Kekilli as Shae the whore
Grade: B

Comments: I don’t recall Shae being quite so sassy in the books, so I’m not sure if that’s Kekilli’s own spin on the role or something that was in the script. Either way, her screen time was limited so we’ll leave her with decent marks until season 2.

Jason Momoa as Khal Drogo
Grade: A-

Comments: I had my doubts, since Momoa is a Stargate alum. He only had a few lines, but he brought an intimidating on-screen presence that brought the Khal Drogo from the books to life.

Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen
Grade: A

Comments: In season 1, Daenerys makes a transition from a shaky, vulnerable girl to khaleesi. Clarke was so shaky early on that I was worried, but in the end it totally worked.

Harry Lloyd as Viserys Targaryen
Grade: A+

Comments: It’s almost too bad that Viserys is such a short-lived character, because Harry Lloyd rocked so hard. But Viserys is such a prick we wouldn’t want him around any longer than necessary.

Ian McElhinney as Barristan Selmy
Grade: A

Comments: When I read the books, I had a hard time imagining an aging knight who was still sort of a bad ass. McElhinney showed me what one looked like.

In an attempt to stave off withdrawal, we decided to grade the cast of Game of Thrones. As a whole, the [...]]]> With the first season of Game of Thrones over and another two weeks before the fifth book, A Dance with Dragons, comes out we’re not quite sure what the hell to do with ourselves.

In an attempt to stave off withdrawal, we decided to grade the cast of Game of Thrones. As a whole, the cast gets an A, but it wouldn’t be much of an article if we gave every actor an A. Any criticism below is sheer nitpickery.

Sean Bean as Lord Eddard Stark
Grade: B+

Comments: Ned is such an understated character that it was hard for Bean to really blow us away, which some of the other cast members did.

Michelle Fairley as Catelyn Stark
Grade: C

Comments: Much criticized on the ‘net for looking older than superfans preferred, our gripe is less about age and more that Fairley’s performance was a little on the melodramatic side. She plays every scene like it’s Life. Or. Death., which means the real life or death scenes just kinda blend in with the rest.

Richard Madden as Robb Stark
Grade: B

Comments: Madden did a solid job handling Robb Stark’s transition from carefree kid to head of the Stark clan.

Sophie Turner as Sansa Stark
Grade: A-

Comments: Turner was one we weren’t quite sure about at the start of the season, but she’d won us over by the time Joffrey forced her to look at Ned’s head on a stick.

Maisie Williams as Arya Stark
Grade: A+

Comments: Williams had big shoes to fill, playing one of our favorite characters from the books. She didn’t disappoint.

Isaac Hempstead-Wright as Bran Stark
Grade: B

Comments: It seemed like we didn’t spend as much time with Bran in the show as in the book, but Hempstead-Wright did well with the screen time he had.

Kit Harington as Jon Snow
Grade: C

Comments: We’re still on the fence about Harington. He’s not bad, but Jon Snow is another favorite character, and we’re left wanting more from him. If he could stop making that confused doofus face so often, it might help.

John Bradley as Samwell Tarly
Grade: A-

Comments: Bradley was excellent for the most part, but there were a few moments that bordered on cartoon sheepishness. He was definitely entertaining, though.

Alfie Allen as Theon Greyjoy
Grade: B-

Comments: We hate Theon so much that we refuse to give him more than a B minus. It actually could be great acting since we’re not supposed to like Theon, but we’ll have to wait and see how things go next season.

Natalia Tena Osha the Wildling
Grade: A

Comments: What separates Game of Thrones from other fantasy (i.e. Lord of the Rings) is the lack of prim and proper. There are no pristine fairy castles in GoT. Even the good guys are kinda dirty and scruffy. Tena’s performance as Osha exemplified that grit and color well.

James Cosmo as Commander Jeor Mormont
Grade: A

Comments: Cosmo is pretty much exactly how we imagined Commander Mormont. Stern. Stern, but fair.

Iain Glen as Jorah Mormont
Grade: A+

Comments: Whether it’s the nature of the character or Glen’s own presence, Jorah Mormont stands out as Daenerys’ wise adviser.

Kate Dickie as Lysa Arryn
Grade: A

Comments: As creepy in the show as she is in the books, Dickie’s protrayal of Lysa Arryn is perfect crazy mommy, fake boob and all.

Lino Facioli as Robin Arryn
Grade: A

Comments: Congratulations parents of Lino Facioli, your kid freaks me out. I guess that’s a good thing, considering the role.

I also dug up a few of my favorite Ryan Dunn moments:

MERMAID PINUP Posable Paper Doll by illustratedink

Marauder Custom Corset Top by aNGrYGiRLGear

Black Velvet Mini Tricorn Pirate Hat by [...]]]> In honor of the newest installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy coming out this month, here’s some kick ARRRRse handmade pirate booty!

MERMAID PINUP Posable Paper Doll by illustratedink

Marauder Custom Corset Top by aNGrYGiRLGear

Black Velvet Mini Tricorn Pirate Hat by CarpeNoctem

Purple czech glass nautilus shell ring by indieboheme

Chocolate Milk Squid Scarf by creeplings

skull heart handmade necklace by smarmyclothes

Bandit Bunny ACEO by sohokitten

Steampunk in the Desert Dress by HauteIndiscretion

Large Blue Ringed Glass Octopus sculpture by EmergentGlassworks

Skull & Crossbones, Black and White Stripe Clutch by workingclasspunx

Zombie Pirate t-shirt by rockythezombie

Octohug shirt by sharpshirter

Instead, what I’ll say is this: the latest installment of the tv/movie [...]]]> I was about to start this review with the complaint that Jackass 3D relied a little too much on the poo, vomit, and scrotum  gags. And then I realized how dumb that would sound. After all, isn’t that what Jackass is all about?

Instead, what I’ll say is this: the latest installment of the tv/movie franchise feels a little like a restaurant franchise. No one goes to Applebee’s because the food is great. They go because, though the food is mediocre at best, it’s always the same. When you order that tray of Baby Back Ribs, you know exactly what you’re getting. And when you watch a Jackass movie, you know you’re in for a lot of farting, shitting, pissing, punching, and laughing.

To be honest, I didn’t expect either of the first two Jackass movies to be good. I was pleasantly surprised. More than that, I laughed my ass off. But the creativity abundant in the first two movies is lacking in the third. The ratio of silly and funny to gross and painful is off this time around. I know this is patently unAmerican of me to say, but sometimes enough is enough when it comes to people taking hits to the nards.

Maybe what’s really missing from Jackass 3D is enthusiasm. I can’t say I blame them. I don’t think I could be too enthusiastic about taking a T-ball to the family jewels, and I don’t even have family jewels. Then again, the silly skits like Party Boy and Werewolves in London require no organ damage and, in my opinion, were funnier anyway.