I have a friend who is very good at what she does. In my opinion, she can do some amazing things. However, she also has a major problem, one that I feel will hold back her business.

She’s a perfectionist. In other words, she looks at everything and thinks it can be better. This does a few things that harm her and her business. One, it slows down her production, and thus she can’t serve as many clients to make more money. Two, it makes her want to change everything, no matter what it is, and sometimes that leads to mistakes because, unfortunately, perfectionists aren’t perfect. Three, it leads to her constantly questioning the client as to what it is they want, when what they really want is for her to ask them once, then tell them what they need, with a few touches here and there. After all, people pay for expert advice and great work, and they don’t want to have to work as hard at it themselves, otherwise they’d do it.

I have worked with her on this issue, but to no avail. Perfectionists also sometimes want to make your advice perfect, and thus they can be hard to get through to at times. I brought up the Bill Gates business model, which is to put out a product that’s very good, then work on making it better while you’re making money off your “inferior” product. I say inferior because it could be better, but the truth is that most of the time Microsoft products are actually pretty good (Me and Vista notwithstanding), even if flawed in some fashion. Just imagine how the computing world would be if Gates decided he couldn’t release any of his products because they weren’t perfect.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to do the best you can. There’s no point in doing anything if you’re not going to give it your best. What it does mean is that if things aren’t perfect, you almost always have the opportunity to fix it, or make corrections. What it means is that you shouldn’t get bogged down in minutiae and look for problems that might not be there. It means being able to put together a schedule of things to get to and being able to actually finish those things on time. It means making your life easier, making your mind feel freer, and getting more things done, thus progressing further than you could by holding yourself back needlessly.

Does perfection hold you back? If so, what are you going to do about it?

In my last post on the topic of communications, I pretty much said that no one is obligated to have to talk to anyone else if they know there are divergent beliefs where no one will change their mind unless it’s work related and things have to get done. Today I’m going to add to that with kind of a different scenario.

I was supposed to have a business meeting today. It was scheduled to be at kind of a fast food restaurant; just what is Panera Bread considered anyway? This was a meeting that’s had to be rescheduled a few times because the person’s VA, who kept trying to schedule the meeting, kept setting up times instead of asking myself and another person when we’d be available. I don’t even know what the meeting was supposed to be about, but I figured I’d go ahead and see what we might be discussing. Eventually I gave a couple of times when I’d be available, the other person did as well, and the 3 of us decided on a time to meet.

Fast forward to today. I was there 5 minutes early, which is my style. The other person came 3 minutes late, which is her style. The guy who wanted the meeting… no show. Nothing, nada, zip. Thing is, this isn’t even someone I partially know well. I’ve only seen the guy once in my life, and it wasn’t love at first sight, if you know what I mean. Frankly, I have to admit that I wasn’t sure of his ethics at that particular meeting, yet I hadn’t totally dismissed him, because he does have some talent.

And then today. I finally heard from him 3 1/2 hours later apologizing, saying he didn’t have a way to contact us and asked if we could do it again. This time, I’m ignoring the email, and I will be ignoring the phone calls. Part of this is because I don’t believe the message. He had contacted the other person numerous times via text message, and I know that because I’ve been there when she’s received the messages. I did stay and have lunch, and we stayed for an hour; there was no way he could grab his phone and send a text message in an entire hour?

The other reason is that I don’t reward bad behavior. This is someone I decided to give a second chance to, and it’s not happening again. There’s a time where we have to decide just how much we respect ourselves to not allow someone to consistently fail us and waste our time. I’m an independent businessman; time is kind of valuable to me. Every person should see their time as valuable, whether it’s in business or it’s hanging with family. No one should allow someone else to waste their time needlessly or thoughtlessly.

Could I be missing the next big thing? I have no clue. What I do know is that I wouldn’t trust the person behind the next big thing to stick to his word, or to have the consideration needed to be a good business partner. One has to be ready to take a stand in their life and, as Dr. Phil says all the time, teach people how to treat you. This lesson will be taught silently; no all lessons need to be noisily expressed.

As I was reading more lies about President Obama a few days ago regarding whether or not he’s a Muslim or Christian and some of the other things people still believe about him proven or not, I came to a realization that I’ve always suspected I had, but finally was ready to articulate. There really isn’t always a need to have to talk to each other, especially when we already know the outcome of that conversation.

I’ve often said that I don’t like to talk about politics or religion. The reason is simple; I believe what I believe, and I’m not going to change what I believe just because someone has an opposing view. And it does me no good to talk about it either because those people believe what they believe, and thus my trying to convince someone that I’m right is pretty much a waste of time. That, plus I’ve found that instead of being able to discuss issues, things always get to a point where there’s anger and/or name calling of some sort.

Will I comment on certain things here and there? Definitely. I once asked what would the issue be if President Obama was a Muslim. I asked the same question about Mitt Romney and why it was a big deal that he’s a Mormon. I wasn’t old enough to know about the brouhaha of John Kennedy being a Catholic, but I know that it was a big deal at the time. Someone said a non-Christian president will never be elected to office in this country. I tend to believe this, but then I always believed I’d never see someone with brown skin elected as president of this country either.

I’ve realized that I have almost no friends that have views that are opposite of mine. Why would I, unless I had a predisposition to arguing all the time, which I don’t? As it is, it’s hard enough sometimes being on the same page as those who I agree with most of the time. That’s because we’ve all grown up differently, had different experiences, and thus set our beliefs based on those experiences.

Having said all this, the rules change when we get to talking about working with each other, at least if we work in businesses with others. When I was an every day employee, or whenever I’m on a long term consulting assignment, I have to know how to work with people to get things done. I’ve always gone out of my way to not let anyone else’s personal beliefs get in the way of getting the job done. When you’re either in a position of leadership or responsibility, you can’t afford to allow personality or beliefs to get in the way. You have to be fair, and you have to get the job done.

Leaders do need to learn how to allow those who they have responsibility for to state their concerns and their opinions on how they believe things could be done better. Leaders also have to learn when it’s time to end discussion, make a decision, and go through with it. Sometimes during that process emotions can get out of control and negative things can be said. The difference is that you can stop talking for a brief moment, but if the success or outcome is dependent upon you and someone you don’t get along with you can’t avoid talking to that person. There’s nothing saying you have to be best friends, but you have to work together in some fashion to complete the task.

If there’s an impasse that can’t be broken, and communications break down, you’re left with two options. One says to just leave things alone, then when asked say you couldn’t work with the other person. Two, go ahead and get it done and then share credit later on. Neither one of these are great options, but sometimes it’s the best you can do. it’s better doing option one than option two; doing something is always better than doing nothing.

There are no cut and dry rules, unfortunately, but there are guidelines you can try to work by. These apply to both your personal and professional lives. I will admit that my personal guidelines are much easier to live with because I only surround myself with people I know I can work and get along with, even if we don’t agree all the time. In the workplace, though, you don’t always get to select who you have to work with. In those times, you have to do the best you can, but never forget the ultimate goal is to help your company and business succeed.

Last week I gave a workshop on social media marketing to a very small group. It was interesting for many reasons, but one thing in particular kept coming up that was driving me nuts.

One of the participants knew me, fairly well I guess, but obviously not well enough. Both before and during the presentation, even though he didn’t know my topic, or as much about it as he thought he did, he kept offering suggestions for doing things better. Frankly, I’m not one of those people who accepts unsolicited advice because I always question the reasons people are trying to give it to me, but it didn’t stop this guy. The thing is, he kept finding fault in this thing or that thing and I do believe he thought he was offering me constructive advice.

The problems are multiple in this sort of thing. One, it was my presentation, not his. It was a 5 hour presentation I had to break down into 4 hours because there was a big traffic problem and everyone was more than an hour late.

Two, there are things you do when putting together a presentation, and even if you have to speed things up and leave some things out, when you work om something that’s going to be long you have to have your plan for making sure everyone gets out of it what you’ve promised them you’re going to get out of it.

Three, he even admitted that his agenda was much different than mine. He was hoping I would solve a problem for him that had nothing to do with what I was presenting on, and thus he kept interrupting and asking questions for his own benefit without regard for what other people may or may not have wanted to learn. That’s pretty selfish if you ask me.

Four, during a break, I mentioned how I was balancing the presentation for a broad audience because I know that people who come to these types of presentations either don’t know anything about it or know something about it and are looking for more information. He told me that later on he’d tell me how I could do it better; thanks for nothing.

Here’s the thing I’ve seen. When all you can do is tear someone down, they tend to always work to the least of their ability because they don’t believe anyone will care of they can do better or not. What’s the point in giving 16 kids the same size trophy and not giving the kid that won a larger trophy? That just teaches him that there’s too much effort in being the best because that kid will never get any special recognition for it.

Everyone does things differently. If you don’t have anything positive to say to someone, you should keep it to yourself unless you’re asked or unless you have to say something. In business, you can’t allow someone to keep making mistakes if it ends up negatively impacting the job or the product. However, even in business people have to be themselves, and making clones of every employee means there is no original thought, and there’s no impetus for finding better ways to do something. There isn’t a single company in the world that wasn’t formed, then improved, without an original thought.

The Japanese believe the worst thing you can do is take away someone’s pride. Americans seem to thrive on doing it; at least those who believe they have any kind of power over someone else. We’ve lost the ability to be courteous and take other people’s feeling into consideration. This need to break down what we see in others to try to build them up just doesn’t work.

This doesn’t mean we can’t be somewhat honest with people at times. If I have a friend giving a presentation and I’m asked afterwards what I thought about how the presentation was given, and I said “you did a great job, but did you notice that after almost every sentence you said ‘okay’”, that’s a constructive comment to a colleague who asked. If I wasn’t asked, I’d never volunteer the answer because it’s not my place, unless it was a best friend of mine. There are things we can do with our best friends that are inappropriate with people we just know.

For the record, one of the other participants came to me after the presentation and thanked me for it, saying she didn’t know any of the things I talked about and was fascinated by it all. She said she hopes to come hear me present again because she liked my style; that felt good, and since she was the market I was aiming for, I know I did what I showed up to do. My way worked for her; I’ll continue doing it my way, while making sure I never break down any other presenter for how they did something, unless I was asked. What about you?

One of the strange things about this blog is that I get a lot of comments from people, but they’re usually in an email instead of commenting on the blog itself. I’m not quite sure why, but I think many people are in business and are worried that someone they work with will see their comments or questions and report it back to someone.

Regardless, I had a few interesting comments about my last post, Making Waves Does Not Make You A Troublemaker. Everyone agreed, but one person in particular asked how one decides when to stop making waves and move on with life.

It’s an interesting question because there’s complaining about something you might want fixed, then there’s being fixated on a problem to the degree that you can’t get beyond it and become, well, a nuisance. It doesn’t always mean you’re wrong either, but it might mean that your methods are improper or you’re basically speaking to a wall that’s not going to change.

There are two main topics I don’t like to talk about all that often, though I do from time to time. One is religion and the other is politics. I don’t like getting too deep into it because people already have their politics set in stone for the most part, even if they say they’re independent, and you can go blue in the face trying to convince someone else that you’re right. The same with religion; people have their beliefs set in stone most of the time, and then it becomes a battle of wills in trying to prove which one is better, with both sides quoting the same scriptures at each other while interpreting them in different ways.

In these cases I might state a position, see what comes back, and then decide to move on and not waste my time. I figure I don’t have a dog in that show, so it means nothing to the improvement of my life or ethics in leaving it alone. However, when I take a certain position that I feel is somewhat important, as I did when I wrote about the mosque at Ground Zero, I can be a bulldog. That’s because there are times when I feel emotions lead people down the wrong path, that being the path of intolerance, and being a diversity guy I just can’t have that on my conscience. It’s this thing about fairness to all that compels me to say things and keep saying them when needed, just as I did when I wrote my post in 2008 on gay marriage.

In business, there are also times when you have to decide to defer. On consulting assignments, there are times when I defer to the wishes of the client, even if I believe they’re wrong, because they’re the ones that have to deal with the long term consequences. Then there are other times I won’t defer, when it involves trying to drag me into something illegal or unconscionable, because I won’t violate my own ethics, and I’m not going to jail for anyone. Sometimes the client doesn’t like it; too bad, because the client won’t be paying my legal bills if something goes wrong, and they’re certainly not going to own up to it on the back end (I wrote a letter for one client who wanted me to do something unethical and asked him to sign it absolving me of any responsibility; he wouldn’t, and I said I wasn’t going to do it but was saving the letter in my files, just in case).

If you put in a well thought out and stated complaint at work and nothing happens, you have to decide how it affects you in determining where you go next. For me, it was always a series of escalations if I had to do it. Those escalations are different when you’re already in management, but you do them anyway. I’d talk to the person involved first, express my issue, and tell them what was going to happen next and by when. If nothing happened, I moved to the next person higher up on the chain and stated the same type of thing. If I got no satisfaction I went to the top with all details written so that there was no question that I was correct. At that point, if the top dog did something about it, I didn’t care because I had told everyone what I was going to do; the job is the job. If the top person did nothing then I logged the complaint, dated it, and went about my business. Invariably I’d be proven right, and I’d have my proof, dated, and the issue would be solved. Lucky for me, I only had to do that a couple of times before people knew I meant what I said.

In other words, you defer when you’ve legitimately done whatever you believe you can do get something taken care of. Sometimes it’s after the initial contact, sometimes it’s after a series of escalations. You have to be cognizant enough to make the proper determination.

I belong to a few professional organizations. Some I’m a member of the board or a committee, others I’m just a regular member. Some I pay for, some I’ve been asked to join. Even as a regular member, when I feel something needs to be said, I’m someone who says it, no matter where the forum.

Last week there was something on one of the organization’s websites that irritated me. I was going to say something but another person who’s a member said that I should just leave it alone. I let that stir in my mind for a couple of days, then decided that I couldn’t let it go. It was something that was affecting the entire organization and could affect those people with whom we hope to do business with at some point, which meant both people associated with the group and people not associated who might be looking for specific types of services or products.

The question was to whom do I speak to about it, and how. I thought about it for awhile, then decided it needed to be seen by the real people in charge, not one particular person, and thus I went to that organization’s group page on LinkedIn and put out my complaint. I spelled out the error in detail so that no one would write me back to ask me to explain what the problems were. I didn’t get technical, I just stated what I was trying to do and why I felt that it needed attention.

One of my business friends who also happens to be both a member of this organization and this group asked me if I was worried that my posting it in an open forum could hurt me in some fashion. When I asked why she asked what if someone perceived me as a troublemaker.

That’s an interesting thought, one that I hadn’t really considered when I wrote my post. However, I had considered many other things before I wrote it. Often I’ve talked about being ready for any consequences of one’s actions, and thus I had thought about the potential consequences. Here’s what I came up with:

1. If I was complaining about something, which is rare for me, then the possibility is strong that someone else has the same issue.

2. If the issue has been there for awhile, and it was, then obviously someone already knew about it yet hadn’t done anything about it, and I wanted to know who might know about it and if anyone had either thought about doing something about it or actually liked how it looked so they could explain it to me.

3. I only know one or two of the specific powers that be as it pertains to who’s on the board, and based on the issue I was having with the website, I didn’t even know how to look their information up, yet I knew that many of those same people were in the group, so I knew posting there would reach the most number of the right people.

4. I’m a paid member and my money was happily accepted, and as such, board member, committee member or not, I have the right to either compliment or complain about something as long as I make a rational presentation of my issue.

The consequences? My complaint was shared with the people who are supposed to fix it, and they went to work on it. The person sharing the complaint knew about the problem and said she’d been frustrated in trying to get it working; that proves someone knew about it already but nothing was being done about it. Interestingly enough, none of the powers that be even commented on it; that will be for another time I suppose.

Did I worry about being a troublemaker even after my friend asked me the question? Not in the least. Troublemakers go out to intentionally ruin things for someone else for their own unknown benefit. My intention was to get something that’s supposed to work for everyone fixed. There’s no direct correlation between doing or saying what’s right to correct something wrong and doing or saying something just because you want to be heard. My conscience was clear, my motives pure, and now at least someone is doing something about it.

Do you feel that if you complain about something you’re making waves? Why would you tolerate it, especially if you’re paying for it?

I don’t like getting into people’s love lives. Sometimes when you’re coaching someone, you’re led that way and you just can’t avoid it completely. I always hope that whenever I do have to get into it that I offer some advice that helps without getting into it too much.

I remember one time I was having a conversation with a woman I was working with when the topic moved to problems she was having in a relatively new relationship. She was saying how the person sometimes canceled at the last minute without giving an explanation and at other times would say something off the cuff that would upset her, yet he seemed to miss the fact that it hurt her feelings. Those conversations were always on the phone, she said, because when they did get together it was always nice and there were never any problems.

Since she’d dragged me into it I asked her if I had ever treated her badly. She said no, I was wonderful. I asked if I had ever canceled an appointment with her without explanation, and she said I had never canceled an appointment with her at all. I asked her if I had ever spoken to her with anything less than respect, and she said no. Then I asked her why she would accept anything less from someone who she was supposed to be having a relationship with than someone who’s never treated her with anything but respect. She was silent, then she said “you’re right.”

I always wonder why people put up with things from those they love than they will with people they work with or just associate with. Sure, at a certain point couples will say things to each other that they wouldn’t outside the house because there are real life issues to deal with. However, what you’ll find is that most of the time couples that have big problems while married had those same problems before getting married, but they just ignored it because they believed those things wouldn’t happen if they got married. Truth be told, unless something catastrophic happens, no one gets better as time goes on, so if you’re having problems with someone you’re dating early on, you can expect that to continue, if not get worse.

How does that relate to business? In business, there are a lot of bad managers. Left alone, they will always remain bad managers and never move forward in their interactions with employees. If those who hire these managers don’t pay attention, things will consistently get worse, as good employees leave and the performance of other employees suffers.

Managers can get help to learn how to be better. And it doesn’t have to be left up to them to get this help. In couples, it could be hard getting one or the other to show up for counseling. If you’re the person responsible for the behavior of a manager, it’s your responsibility to help make that person become the best manager they can be.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect; sometimes, you have to force people to learn how to do it.

Over the past month or so I’ve been working my way through a book titled The Ethics of Star Trek. I usually read books very fast, but this one has so many concept involved that, well, I won’t say I’m struggling to get through it anymore, but it’s so detailed and compact that it’s become more of a love/hate relationship than anything else.

Of course, one can’t talk about the ethics of Star Trek without talking about the ethics of the captains of each series, because leaders tend to set the basis for how everyone else within their community is going to act. Sure, there are always those people who will go against the grain, but in general, if people respect their leaders they’re going to try to be more like them, and if they don’t they’re going to try to be less like them.

Though most leaders and managers probably rarely think about it, that’s a lot of pressure that they have to bare. It’s no longer good enough to just be good as a manager at the job for which you were hired for. You’re now required to be ethical in your personal life as well, especially if there’s the possibility that you could somehow damage the reputation of the company you work for. CEO Mark Hurd of Hewitt Packard just learned that lesson, an don his way out stated that he’d violated his own standard of conduct.

Of course we have many examples of that type of thing happening, from Tiger Woods to Eliot Spitzer to Jesse Jackson, all people who set themselves up as one thing only for us to learn that they were actually doing something totally different. Each time someone in the know is caught, the first thing they ask of everyone is to respect their privacy. Unfortunately, once you’ve put yourself out there, privacy is nonexistent; you belong to someone else.

That’s how it is with managers and leaders, which I see as separate entities. They’re not big on the national stage, but they’re big within their own little pond, as they have people reporting to them and are ultimately reportable to someone else, even if they’re the owner of the company. The ethics they exhibit are going to determine their effectiveness long term, and one bad step and it could all be gone.

Of course, there’s the reality that if one’s ethics have always been suspect that they might be able to get over. For instance, Don King, the boxing promoter, has always had ethical issues surrounding him, first from his conviction for killing someone when he was younger, then for some of the questionable boxing deals he’s put together over the course of almost 40 years of promotions where almost every boxer he’s ever represented ended up broke or filing for bankruptcy at some point once their fighting days were over. He’s one of the few who’s been able to bank on that particular reputation and continue to thrive at what he does because he’s never presented himself as anything more than what he was, that being a good boxing promoter.

All of us don’t have that, and in reading this book and seeing how the author breaks down the ethics of each captain (at least the first four; the book was written before Enterprise came on TV), it’s amazing just how closely each one relates to the other in ethics and where all seem to draw the line. With each captain there was one ethic that took precedent over anything else; that was duty to the crew. Treat the crew right and they’ll follow you no matter what. None of them is perfect either, but they wouldn’t do anything that would make them look bad in the eyes of their crew or of Star Fleet. They know the role they’ve accepted, and would rather die than breach those ethics.

As a leader, how are you putting forth your ethics as they pertain to your employees? If you need a refresher course, I’d recommend watching some Star Trek episodes. I’d recommend reading the book as well, but that might take some time.

On August 19th, myself and Renée Scherer of Presentations Plus will be putting on a workshop we’ve titled “Make A Splash With Social Media Marketing“, with registration beginning at 8:30 and the presentation going from 9AM to 3PM with a lunch break in the middle. We will be explaining the benefits of social media marketing, and if need be we will assist participants in setting up new accounts on some of the sites we’re going to talk about. I’m doing under my SEO Xcellence heading. We’re inviting everyone to bring their laptops if they need assistance in setting up accounts on Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook, but if you don’t need that assistance then just bring paper and pen and your imagination.

This is the second workshop. Our first workshop, which was July 22nd, went pretty well, and I ended it with 5 minutes to spare. It turned out that almost everyone had accounts in everything, which means there was little time used in helping people set up new accounts. Many things I talked about were fascinating to some of the participants, who hadn’t heard of those applications. Social media marketing is a great way to go for many businesses, and we were ecstatic that the folks there got some very positive things out of our presentation. I asked questions afterwards to see if anyone had gotten something they could use out of the presentation, and more than half the participants said they found a lot of things they hadn’t considered that they were going to have to think about a bit more.

The event is being held at Hope Lake Lodge & Indoor Waterpark, which is a section of Greek Peak Mountain Resort in Cortland, NY; some of you might have heard it referred to as Cascades Indoor Waterpark. For those who participate in the workshop, there’s a special incentive for them to bring their families along for a day of fun, as well as receive a discount towards any follow up visit for some of their other outdoor attractions. This is important because access to the water park is usually restricted only to people who stay overnight at the lodge. And there’s a special rate for Liverpool Chamber members as well. For more information, please follow this link or download the flyer.

For further promotional juice, here’s the video that Renée created to advertise the event; see if you notice what she says that reminds you of Yogi Bear.

There has been a lot of talk going around ever since, while being interviewed at an event, the current CEO of Yahoo uttered some choice words at the reporter in her response. It’s been discussed and debated as to whether or not that was proper, with the split coming around 60% against her doing it.

Those who have supported it said that it shows the CEO has passion about the company and is rallying the troops. Those against it say that it shows a lack of control, and that if a CEO can’t keep control of emotions when being watched, then there’s no telling what that person will do behind closed doors.

I tend to agree with the majority on this one. I don’t think any big business issue has ever been won by using a lot of bad language. As a management trainer, one of the things I always try to stress is to keep control of one’s emotions as much as possible when dealing with others because what employees are normally looking for is consistency in a manager’s behavior. Being on pins and needles because they’re worried that the manager might at any time snap and yell at them means you have employees concentrating on keeping the manager happy rather than the job they have to do.

I’m someone who’s never uttered a curse word, so my belief might be different than someone else’s. However, I’m also someone who’s never had a manager utter a curse word at me when talking to me about an issue that they hope I’ll address. As a matter of fact, only twice have I had someone even raise their voice at me, the same person as a matter of fact, and when it happened the second time I addressed it in my own way, firm yet controlled, and the warning was in my own tone and words; don’t dare do it again. He got it, and never did it again; by the way, this wasn’t someone I reported to, which is why he got a second chance.

I have heard other managers use a lot of bad language without their being a situation, and I have to admit that my respect for them was immediately diminished because there was no reason for that type of behavior. It wasn’t a bowling alley or a sporting event, and those managers weren’t hanging out with their friends at a social event. If there’s no decorum in the workplace, then there shouldn’t be any expectation of being respected because it’s certainly disrespectful to everyone else.

I have a friend who has always followed a certain motivational guru and respected this man. Last year he heard a new interview with this guru and the man, trying to sound hip and modern, was cursing throughout the interview. My friend, who’s known to throw around a curse word or two (former military) said he lost respect for this man because that wasn’t how he had ever perceived the guy, and his words were contrary to how he had always presented himself to everyone in the media and in workshops. Perception is always reality, whether we want to believe it or not.

How do you feel when someone utters language like that in the workplace? Are you someone who does it? Please share your thoughts; you know mine.