The American has been a critic of the UCI in recent years, and says that he is concerned by allegations that the UCI accepted a bribe to cover up a positive doping case involving Lance Armstrong.

The UCI has denied the claim, but admits that it received sizeable donations from Armstrong in the past.

His ideas

1: Use external agencies: “The first thing is to eliminate the drug testing from the UCI completely. Separate it from them. Work with WADA and Interpol and bodies like the AFLD [the French Anti-Doping Agency] and the different countries in the European communities. The key is separating the drug tests from the governing body…you can’t have somebody accepting gifts from Armstrong.”

2: Get the UCI to hand over testing funds: “The money for drug testing is currently being spent by the UCI. Why not put those funds towards an independent group that has cheques and balances and transparency?”

3: Continuously change the people calling the shots: “Rotating the elections of drug enforcement is something that should be looked into, so you don’t get one guy in power who decides to take a payoff and keep ‘fixing’ stuff. You have to do checks and balances so that there is trust put back in the system.”

4: Use more than one lab to test samples, thus backing up results: “Currently with urine tests or blood tests, you do A and B samples…what if you did A,B, C and D? I don’t know the quantity that you need of blood and urine, but I believe that there has got to be enough to get four samples, two each to two different labs.

“I don’t like it if someone casts doubts against the lab…this is what Armstrong and Floyd have done in the past [with the LNDD in Paris]. If you have two different labs involved, it creates transparency. I’m saying this because I believe the French lab is absolutely a credible one. I believe they are the ones who are being honest.”

5: Establish norms for all riders in order to be able to pinpoint sudden changes. “Use wattage, VO2 Max, O2 profiling and blood testing to start tracking these riders.”

LeMond’s idea is to utilise VO2 Max tests plus power meters to establish an ability-level for riders. His belief is that if a rider has a VO2 Max of a certain level, it should be possible to work out the likely limits to his or her performance, in terms of time trial and climbing speeds.

Any significant improvement on this baseline would be investigated in order to eliminate the possibility that the rider has been doping. The process would be a form of physiological profiling, much as the current UCI bio passport establishes an average value for blood parameters.

6: Reward those who cooperate with investigations/positive cases: “With the criminal aspect, I think a plea-bargaining deal would be really important. Relax the penalties for those who provide significant information, and punish those who refuse to do so.”

Share This

Check out these amazing photographs from the Boston newspaper.

Part I

Part II

Share This

Oh and this is a redesign of the SpeedTheory shorts that I had a crack at.  The Kit right now is a bit to black for my liking and it needed a bit more of a ‘Tour’ feel.  I’m going to have a go at the jersey next and see what I can come up with.  Comments and suggestions welcome.

Share This

Cycling: Sprint leader Petacchi in drugs probe

AFP

OME, France — Italian cyclist Alessandro Petacchi, the leading sprinter in the ongoing Tour de France, is being investigated back home in Italy for using illegal drugs, it was reported here on Tuesday.

The ANSA news agency, quoting informed sources, alleged that two banned substances were found at the Lampre rider’s home — PFC (Perfluorocarbon), an alternative to the banned blood booster EPO, and human serum albumin.

According to ANSA the inquiry began before Petacchi lined up for the start of this year’s Tour in which he has won two stages to top the green jersey sprinter standings.

Petacchi, 36, will prove his innocence, his lawyer Virgino Angelini insists

Its in his house… but Noooooo it’s not his?  WTF!  Everything in my house is mine!

Share This

Tour de France
Tours and Triomphe
Is the Tour de France getting easier?
Jul 19th 2010

THE 97th Tour de France finishes on Sunday July 25th in Paris after 3,642km (2,263 miles) of cycling over 21 gruelling days. Although this year’s route is regarded by many as particularly tough, it could be considered a mere jaunt through the sunflowers compared to earlier Tours. When the first race was staged in 1903 riders cycled 2,428km over six stages. But distances rapidly climbed to reach a peak of 5,745km in 1926, with the winner completing the race in 238 hours and 44 minutes at an average speed of 24.3km/h. Since then the length of the Tour has fallen steadily but the average speed of the winner has risen to around 40km/h.

So now that you’ve been called a sissy… what should you do?  How about attack Andy Schleck after he has a mechanical!  ya… and get the yellow jersey.  Now…. make a youtube vid about how sorry you are… ya.. do that.

Alberto Contador has posted a YouTube apology to former Tour de France leader Andy Schleck for the timing of an attack that sees the Spaniard now lead the race. The Astana rider admitted he wasn’t happy with how he’s taken the Tour’s yellow jersey, and hopes it doesn’t impact his relationship with the Luxembourg rider.

Share This

Share This

This specific conversation was between him and some girl who lost her cat… enjoy.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Share This

1. Image and style shall be the primary concerns of the Euro Cyclist. When suffering, one must focus first on maintaining a cool, even composure and second on performance. Winning races is an added talent, and only counts if said Euro Cyclist wins with appropriate style.

2. Training shall be based solely on feel, while racing shall be guided by sensations and instinct: that is to say, “soul.” The Euro Cyclist will never accept tried or tested scientific training methods.

3. The Euro Cyclist shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear plain black spandex bibs (shorts, regardless of colour are BANNED) or ANY team kit
containing non-prominent logos. Shorts will extend approximately 2/3rds of the way down the upper leg and will contain a compression band at the bottom (distinct in colour). In NO CONDITION shall they extend any further!

4. Legs shall be SHAVED year-round. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. Certain hair removal creams are endorsed only on a case-by-case basis. One shall never show up to a race (be it large or small) with ANY amount of stubble visible on one’s legs.

5. A prominent line where one’s kit ends and where one’s deep tan begins is essential to one’s image. Artificial tanning is BANNED. The tan shall reflect the level of training commitment.

6. The socks of the Euro Cyclist shall extend to within two (2) cm. of the main bulge of the calf muscle, and shall never extend further than one (1) cm. past said primary calf muscle bulge. All socks SHALL BE WHITE in colour with prominent logo placement.

7. Cycling shoes shall contain at least 80% white!
The following exceptions apply:
i) Colour combinations such as world cup stripes or Olympic gold for which the title has been EARNED.
ii) Shoes which are custom-made for specific riders by companies endorsed by this group. These shoes shall be accessible to the particular cyclist only, and shall follow the preceding rules.

8. If white cycling shoes are not available where the Euro Cyclist resides, white booties (or “shoe covers”) with prominent logos shall ALWAYS be worn. When booties are worn, socks shall protrude approximately seven (7) cm. above the ankle, and shall always protrude at a minimum one (1) cm. from any booties worn.

9. One’s bike frame shall contain between two (2) and four (4) colours IN ADDITION TO WHITE. All colours are acceptable as long as they combine tastefully and elegantly. In addition, wheel selection must also match frame and fork.

10. One shall race only on Campagnolo Boras or Lightweights. Fulcrum Racing One, Corima Aero+ or Zipp (404 or 202) wheelsets are considered stylish enough to be used as training wheels ONLY. Irregardless, ceramic bearings shall be used at ALL TIMES on both training and race bikes.

11. ALL wheels shall be equipped with tubulars, regardless of one’s ability in gluing them.

12. Ridiculously stylish eyewear (see endorsed products list) is to be worn AT ALL TIMES without exception. Glasses are to be worn over helmet straps at all times.

13. Hair shall be kept neatly short, and matching helmet shall be worn (again with prominent logo placement). The helmet shall be predominantly white. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall a clashing helmet colour be worn with one’s euro kit. Helmets are not to be worn when venturing indoors AT ANY TIME. It is encouraged that helmets are removed for proper patio etiquette, however, it is still considered acceptable to wear one’s helmet while outdoors on a patio (see rule 34).

14. In certain RARE cases, it shall be deemed acceptable to have long hair. In this event, hair shall be neatly slicked back in a severely euro style, and helmet SHALL NOT be worn. It is IMPERATIVE that rule 12 is followed in these special instances.

15. When riding, sans helmet (with short hair), a team issue cycling cap (white in colour), shall be worn. The bill shall remain in the downward position at all times. The cycling cap may be worn forwards or backwards to coincide with the specifics of one’s current hairstyle. During spring training, cycling toques shall be worn at all times in place of caps.

16. Kits must always be freshly washed, and one shall ALWAYS have applied a subtle quantity of eau de toilette (or “cologne”). It is, AT ALL TIMES FORBIDDEN to ride in an unwashed kit. This is severely detrimental to one’s image.

17. Saddles shall be white in colour ONLY and shall be manufactured in Italy or France. Exceptions may be made in the following cases:
i) Saddles containing World Cup Stripes or Olympic Gold when it is EARNED
ii) Italian flag colour combo when rider is ITALIAN (born in Italy)

18. Handlebar tape is required to be cork as well as WHITE IN COLOUR. Bar tape shall be kept in pristine white condition. This state shall be achieved either through daily cleansing or through frequent replacement. These jobs must NEVER be performed by the cyclist as one must maintain one’s image.

19. All stems must be a minimum of 120mm long and of a rise no higher than -10 degrees. Stems shall be positioned no more than 0.5cm above the top of the headtube. ALL stems shall ALWAYS be oversized, made out of ALUMINUM, and airbrushed in kit/frame colours. In certain cases (Mario Cipollini) it is advised that one airbrush a buxom young woman onto the top of one’s stem.

20. The Euro Cyclist shall ALWAYS have liniment applied to his legs before appearing in public.

21. Facial hair shall be restricted to (at a maximum) a goatee, and even this is discouraged. Moustaches, beards, and any combination thereof are EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED in all instances. Stubble is, however, advisable in virtually ALL euro-situations. It is important to note that this DOES NOT apply to the legs.

22. Campagnolo shall be THE ONLY acceptable component and it is hereby deemed superior to ANY Shimano product in ALL circumstances and situations. The Euro Cyclist is expected to have nothing less than an ENTIRE campy gruppo. Crank substitutions are NOT permitted. There is, however, a case by case exception for SRAM Red.

23. One shall NEVER, under any circumstances, acknowledge the presence of a cyclist riding a bike costing less than 2000€ in ANY public place. This may be severely detrimental to one’s image. If such a situation cannot be helped, it is CRITICAL that the Euro Cyclist regard his “acquaintance” with a patrician mixture of disdain and SEVERE condescension.

24. One shall NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, associate with triathletes. This cannot be overemphasized! It is FORBIDDEN to have any number inked onto one’s body before a race.

25. Any physical activity other than cycling is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON. This includes any form of running or swimming and their derivatives (this includes walking). The ONLY TWO other sports with a recognized degree of euro are: cross-country skiing and long track speed skating.

26. Mountain bike gloves are FORBIDDEN in all instances. Cycling gloves shall be slick, white (in accordance with kit), and have minimal padding. Padding will be beige or white in colour. Wearing NO GLOVES is entirely acceptable and encouraged. In the case of a Euro Cyclist wearing a leader’s jersey special gloves shall be made to match the colour of the jersey while simultaneously blending the colours of the team kit.

27. In a circumstance where any cyclist (or TRIATHLETE) ever displays aggression or disrespect towards a Euro Cyclist, he is required to ride up uncomfortably close to his foe and slap them in the face with his team issue gloves.

28. In the event a motorist disturbs one’s ride: one shall proceed to ride up beside the car, form a clenched fist and bang the boot of the car while doing one’s best to sound irritated in Italian. Wild arm and head gesticulations are strongly encouraged to help enhance the apparent rage. It is permitted to throw a bottle, if the perpetrator was a commissaire on a motorbike.

29. One shall NEVER rearrange one’s package while riding. Adjustments regarding seating/hanging comfort are to be done in private in order to preserve image.

30. ABSOLUTELY NO FORM of seatbag, frame pump, mud guard or mirror shall come within two (2) metres of one’s bike.

31. Gearing shall be restricted to a titanium Campy Record 11-23 cassette with a ABSOLUTE MINIMUM of 42-53 up front. One must never be seen pedaling at a cadence greater than 90 rpm in order not to detract from one’s calm/smooth factor, or “Suplesse.” The use of 25-toothed cog is acceptable for severely mountainous training situations.

32. ALL BIKES shall feature personalized nameplates next to one’s home country’s flag, located on the top-tube within ten (10) cm. of the seat-tube ON THE DRIVE SIDE ONLY.

33. Pedals MUST be either Look or Time. No other pedals are to be considered. As always, ANY form of Shimano product is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.

34. Espresso is a NECESSITY and as such it must be consumed normale or ristretto on a patio (preferably in Italy) in full kit; All other coffee shall be brewed strong and taken BLACK. The only milk permitted may appear frothed on top (if at all). The euro cyclist shall, if possible, develop a fondness for the triple ristretto. For extra Euro, consider ordering inconvenient multiples (e.g. a triple or more). The irony of increasing the number of shots pulled while simultaneously decreasing the volume per shot will enhance the experience for all parties involved. Sugar is FROWNED UPON, and in all cases SWEETENERS ARE BANNED.

35. All podium shots (“pictures”) shall be taken while wearing one’s team kit and appropriately matching casual euro shoes (such as Pumas). Socks shall remain within the guidelines above. One is expected to display an appropriate degree of bulge while receiving kisses/trophies. The bulge may vary according to the outlandishness/impracticality of the victory prize (e.g. livestock and/or enormous cheese wheels).

36. All pre- and post-race activity SHALL be conducted under a gazebo (this includes massages, interviews, seductions, and looking fantastic) leaving one in reasonable distance of the Euro-sun to top up one’s enviable tanlines and pose for photos.

37. Post-race, one shall be tied to one’s mobile phone, receiving endless calls from:
i. One’s attractive girlfriend, or
ii. Important ad executives concerning modeling contracts. This shall be done under the protection of the post race gazebo.

38. Team bikes will be built up so that they violate the UCI weight limit in order that weights might be attached to the frame to demonstrate its superiority and lightness.

39. Motivational music during training shall consist of late 90s trance or progressive house, hereby known as ‘euro beats.’ NO EXCEPTIONS.

40. Water Bottles shall be referred to solely as “Bidons” and shall have a volume NOT EXCEEDING 500ml. Bidons shall always match team/kit colours. It is NOT ACCEPTABLE in ANY CIRCUMSTANCE to leave one’s bidons on the bike for more than ten (10) minutes post-ride OR while transporting bikes via bike rack.

41. Naked black ALL CARBON water bottle cages (manufactured by ELITE CAGES) shall be used on ALL BIKES. Exceptions include:
i) Special edition 24k gold cages, acceptable in certain cases such as photo shoots, prologues or where colour coordination dictates (e.g. gold cage with Olympic gold/white team kit).

42. A gold pendant on a very long, thin chain bearing some form of religious icon is STRONGLY recommended for mountain races.

43. While soloing in for a victory, one shall ensure that one’s jersey is FULLY ZIPPED and ALIGNED so that all title sponsors are clearly visible. One shall then smile and flex one’s arms while pointing sky-wards. The projection of one’s fatigue is EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

44. When appearing in a photo spread for a sponsor’s products, the Euro Cyclist has the option of appearing fully nude, in team kit, or in a full Brioni three-piece suit (nothing else). Smiling is PROHIBITED in these instances.

45. When appearing in documentaries, one must be seen walking around the hotel in one’s kit at all times. It is also recommended that one constantly be eating something in front of the cameras.

46. When asked “how are you?” while riding one must proceed with one of the following…
i. Complain about coming off a sickness
ii. Explain that one is peaking for bigger races later in the season
iii. Mention that this is a “recovery ride”
iv. Explain that one is at the tail end of one’s daily six (6) hour training ride

47. If one feels the urge to relieve oneself during a race, one shall gracefully meander to the back of the pack, seat oneself sideways on the saddle, and pee into the sunflowers. It is the DUTY of the Euro Cyclist to ensure that no camera crew catches the act, for it could be severely detrimental to one’s image. Under no circumstances shall one dismount from his bike in order to urinate.

48. When climbing anything with a gradient above twenty (20) percent OR lasting greater than four (4) kilometers, the Euro Cyclist shall fully unzip his jersey and let it flutter freely in the wind.

49. When dropping out of a race, one shall avoid the embarrassment of entering the official broomwagon and shall instead wait for the team vehicle. When asked the reason for dropping out, one shall cite mechanical problems or oncoming sickness in order to avoid any negative speculation in regards to one’s fitness.

50. If in doubt, the euro cyclist shall mention in an interview that his pollen allergies are acting up, and that he’s not sure that he’ll win the Giro this year. In this situation he must note that the sensations are otherwise good, and that he will eventually win a beautiful stage.

51. Team-building motivational camps shall be held annually in the off-season. These are to place team members in as ridiculous a setting as possible. Photos shall be widely reproduced to demonstrate team cohesion.

52. During the pre-race medical checks, star riders of each team are strongly advised to play doctor with each other while shirtless. Photos taken must strive to be as HOMO-EROTIC AS POSSIBLE.

53. In order to avoid the harsh European winter, one shall:
i. Flee to the warmer climates of Mallorca/South Africa/Canary Islands/etc.
ii. “Train the mind, body and soul” with Kreitler-brand rollers

54. In the event of a crash, regardless of the gravity of an injury the Euro Cyclist shall mummify himself in fishnet gauze. The act of gauzing oneself (in order to continue racing while injured) is looked upon with respect by other Euro Cyclists as a statement of commitment and of strength of character. One shall use white gauze to bandage injuries; however, world cup striped gauze and/or national colors may be used in addition to white in select circumstances.

55. No form of large or obtrusive tattoo shall be printed onto the skin anywhere on the body. Small, discreet tattoos of the Virgin Mary or Olympic rings (assuming one has participated in Olympic games) no larger than three (3) cm. by three cm. shall be considered tasteful if AND ONLY IF located out of sight while one wears regular kit.

56. If a rider’s sponsors do not make quality parts, then the rider shall buy better parts and superimpose his sponsor’s stickers over them (e.g. Quickstep’s past rebranding of Time products as Specialized).

57. No rider shall wear any shorts with any type of hole showing skin below unless said hole and or opening was from a recent crash DURING that training session and/or race. Wearing ripped shorts is allowed ONLY while one is struggling to the finish and/or to the correct place to wait for the team car to take one out of the race.

58. When cresting the summit of a climb the Euro Cyclist will sit up, zip his jersey, and reach into his pocket for a snack while simultaneously looking back to see who will be accompanying him on the descent. Note that while coasting to allow another rider to catch up (in order to work together on the way down) is allowed, coasting in order to rest is FORBIDDEN.

59. The Euro Cyclist shall own a sizeable parrot and will ensure that he is seen walking around photo shoots with it perched either upon his casually outstretched index finger or upon his shoulder. Hair should be slicked back for maximal effect. The parrot should either be white or it should contain three (3) or more colors found within the World cup stripes. One must always smile when pictured with the parrot. The parrot should speak fluent Italian. In certain cases it is deemed advisable that the Euro Cyclist possess, in place of a parrot, SEVERAL young pumas.

60. The Euro Cyclist shall never ride deep carbon wheels with aluminum braking surfaces, with the exceptions of Mavic wheels and the Ghibli disc. Aluminum braking surfaces detract from the seamless transition of black carbon to black tire that makes the Euro cyclist look so devilish upon his race wheels. Deep carbon wheels shall have prominent decals upon them UNLESS they originate from Carbonsports in Germany.

61. When the Euro Cyclist wins a race or a grand tour he shall stylishly uncork the bottle of champagne and spray it around the podium. If the rider is ravenous, slightly overweight and German he shall place the opening of the champagne bottle close to his mouth and drink (heavily) with puffed out cheeks and a smile. If the rider is truly Euro he will take the ENTIRE bottle of champagne in his arms and parade about the finish area with it. Champagne bottles must be COMICALLY OVERSIZED. One should spray the podium girls. Especially if they are dressed in white.

62. At the finish of a Grand Tour the Euro cyclist shall celebrate by cycling around the finish area decked out in team kit and proper Euro casual footwear. If married, the Euro cyclist shall have his child in his arms. The toddler may rest upon his handlebars, or in the event that the Euro cyclist achieves a podium spot, accompany the rider onto the podium. The child should have its own victory salute that will be used in conjunction with that of his/her father. In some cases the child is permitted to wear an entirely-too-large team jersey. This rule shall be upheld by ALL riders save for Mario Cipollini, who would be unable to comply due to the sheer number of offspring he has fathered courting supermodels over the past two decades.

63. It is highly recommended that the Euro cyclist utilize any opportunity to humorously don equipment that failed during the demonstration of superior physical strength. This serves the dual purpose of mocking one’s sponsor and, in addition, providing a public display of why said rider did not finish the race on the podium. Breaking equipment due to power output is generally the best way to finish a race outside of winning it. If no spectators are present, the Euro cyclist shall prominently wear the broken equipment during all post race interviews. If the Euro cyclist suffers more then two mechanical failures of similar nature in rapid succession, throwing a petulant tantrum is strongly suggested.

Share This

Basically, just show up on time with 4 beers and your running stuff. This isn’t a sanctioned race, its not going to cost anything, and their isn’t any prizes to be won.  Its just for fun.

For those people who are looking to get an official result (tri-geeks) there will be someone taking names and times.  So if you’re out to set a record look for the person with the clipboard, or just find me and i’ll direct you to them.  Give them your name, age, beer your drinking and then just make sure they know when you cross the line.

Last race we had to do two heats because there were so many people, so depending on the numbers this year we might be doing the same.   Got any more question… post them in the comments here.

Oh, and this year we plan on having “Barf Police” so no cheating…….

Share This

Isaiah Mustafa is an American actor and former wide receiver for the NFL signed as a rookie with the Seattle Seahawks in 2000 and NFL Europe. He gained sudden and substantial fame in February 2010 as the result of a popular Old Spice TV commercial, The Man Your Man Could Smell Like. He recently signed a talent deal with NBC due to the attention he garnered from the commercial.

And here’s some cool commercials…..

You can check the all out at the old spice webpage here http://www.oldspice.com/videos/

Share This

Official Beermile.Com Rules

1. Each competitor drinks four cans of beer and runs four laps on a track (Start – beer/lap, beer/lap, beer/lap, beer/lap – finish).
2. Beer must be consumed before the lap is begun, within the transition area which is the 10 meter zone before the start/finish
line on a 400m track.
3. The race begins with the drinking of the first beer in the last meter of the transition zone to ensure the comptitors run a complete mile (1609 meters).
4. Women also drink four beers in four laps (past rule lists only required ladies to drink three beers).
5. Competitors must drink canned beer and the cans should not be less than 355ml (the standard can volume) or 12oz (the imperial equivalent). Bottles may be substituted for cans as long as they are at least 12 oz (341 ml) in volume.
6. No specialized cans or bottles may be used that give an advantage by allowing the beer to pour at a faster rate. ie “super mega
mouth cans” or “wide mouth bottles” are prohibited.
7. Beer cans must not be tampered with in any manner, ie. no shotgunning or puncturing of the can except for opening the can by the tab at the top. The same applies with bottles – no straws or other aids are allowed in order to aid in the speed of pouring.
8. Beer must be a minimum of 5% alcohol by volume. Hard ciders and lemonades will not suffice. The beer must be a fermented alcoholic beverage brewed from malt and flavored with hops. For an abbreviated list of valid beers and exceptions, click here.
9. Each beer can must not be opened until the competitor enters the transition zone on each lap.
10. Competitors who vomit before they finish the race must complete one penalty lap at the end of the race (immediately after the completion of their 4th lap). Note: Vomitting more than once during the race still requires only one penalty lap at the end.

Share This

For anyone knows about the Tour and wants to have a little fun.  Its a great way to potential win some sweet gear and give to a great scholarship.

This contest used to be run to raise money for the endowment fund for the Jason Lapierre Scholarship.  Since we have reached our endowment fund goal we are looking for a new organization to raise funds for.  100% of the entry fees will still be going towards a worthy endowment, the choice of the pool winner.  In the past, we have been able to raise approximately $700 to $800 from this pool.

Rules:

Share This

Share This

The goal is to keep the wound from scabbing over. While the road rash is still fresh from the wreck, and has already been cleaned sufficiently, I smear Polysporin antibiotic cream all over it. This helps to accelerate the healing process and keeps it from drying out.

Now the Saran Wrap comes into play:  I cut a piece larger than what is needed to cover the wound in its entirety, place the plastic wrap on the wound (making it stick to the cream/wound), smooth out the surface of the plastic wrap.  I would normally tape it down but the cream and goop thats my leg is oozing seems to hold on the wrap really well.  I have tried taping it down but my legs always starts to swell when i sit down and the tape ends up hurting me more than I like.

You might be wondering why Saran Wrap is used instead of gauze. There are two reasons: 1)Saran Wrap does not stick to the wound. You can peel the plastic wrap away from the wound without pulling any skin or doing any damage to the healing area, and you won’t find face with grimacing wince on it.  Even with that non-stick bandage stuff i still find its not the most enjoyable feeling pulling it away from your skin.  2)Saran Wrap is nonabsorbent. This is important because the antibiotic cream that you put on the wound will stay on the wound where it has the most impact of healing; gauze tends to absorb it. I change the Sara Wrap and reapply antibiotic cream 2 to 3 times a day.  That’s all there is to it.  Now all I need is time and some TLC.

C out.

Share This

Share This

Share This

Share This

Share This

Its sad to see that ride go, its been with me for a good 10+ years, but i dont think it would see the dirt trails with me in the saddle anymore, so off it went to a new home. I did snap a few photos of the bad boy before the guy came and picked it up though, just for old times sake. Check them out below or on my flickr page http://www.flickr.com/photos/cbtriplec/

Oh and if you’re wondering where I got the crazy ideas for my Kijiji ad?  I stole it… check out this video.  I think I might have posted it here a long time ago but am way to lazy to look back. Enjoy.  Next up for sale is my dresser…. stay tuned for pictures and price!

Share This

OMG OMG look at that bike

Some details about sick-max Joshaua, it comes with everything you see including:

“Top ass front suspension” Judy XC shocks. I once thought I was riding on butter these are so smooth.
“Shifts like Dura Ace” Deore LX rear derailleur… the smoothness of the shifts also made me think I was on butter.
“light as a feather” Deore crank. The only crank arms that havent snapped from my awesome leg power.
“Throw you over your bars” XTR V-breaks. Perfects for wicked-ass burnouts, front enders, and huge jug-handles (just have to be careful you don’t get any more girls pregnant)

Unfortunately this bike has no wheels with it, I lost them in a poker tournament with a bear and beaver on my last ride. The chain has a wicked nice orange rust tint to it but it’s radness is still 100% in tact… just needs some lube/love.  Also because off all the mad burnouts and sick skid stops it has done the rear pivot needs to be tightened or replaced.

Mountains/and distances it has concord are as follows: “Nose Hill” in Calgary, K2 located on the border between the Taxkorgan Tajik autonomous County of Xinjiang China and Gilgit Pakistan (I had to ride there as well), and 1006 times up and down the curb in front of my house.

Basically if you buy this bike you will instantly become a member to every club that was ever invented, worldwide, because you will be instantly awesomely sick!  And it will feel like you’re riding on butter…. sooooo sweeet!

Asking $41… will sell for $40 if need be.

Stop it like its HOT

Share This