Thinking much lately about nurturing ourselves…how it’s a process, not just a todo list and surely not just something we can say we ‘got done’ as an errand or an appointment.

Surely, nurturing ourselves is way more than jaunting off to CVS or going food shopping.

But here is the thing: it doesn’t have to be hard, laborious, tiresome or even mind boggling.

Nurturing ourselves can literally be a momentary mental massage, one thought at a time.

It’s taken me a long while to value my thoughts as my greatest asset.

With each one I choose to savor, my next steps are birthed out from whatever it is I’m thinking.

So as  much as I’m able, I’m striving to really sit still and sift: what thoughts am I allowing shape me, influence me, motivate me?

I’ve gone from living a life of thinking the externals were my goals to realizing all that I truly care about is ensuring my thoughts are so nurtured, so tucked up and so rock solid steady that I’m feeling a consistent safety, stability, serenity.

And while the ‘how’ to nurture our thoughts isn’t a one time deal, that’s the beauty of it. It’s an ongoing life journey. So flubbing up for ten minutes won’t have a detrimental impact. Rather, just with a thought shift can the frustration over flubbing up just wane and can we regroup and recharge and re- establish our right to nurture the kind of moment we want to experience….right this very one.

What helps you nurture yourself?

Eager to talk this up and UP and UP ?

Enjoy each moment today taking care of those thoughts.

Lately I’ve been hearing myself say “What’s the next step?”

A lot.

To me.

To clients.

To friends.

It seems so simple doesn’t it?

If you’re like me and always thinking and sifting through about a million things you want to do, having game plans works to some extent. Disciplining time becomes invaluable. Consenting to which projects to work on first essential. But even therein, when there’s no blueprint or map, when you’re finding yourself carving one, it’s super easy to get overwhelmed with how much there is to do and how much you don’t know how to do.

And left in overwhelm mode it’s oober easy to go into what my dad terms “analysis paralysis” or overthinking.

From a spiritual perspective, the Mind that controls and governs the universe is ‘in charge’ so to speak of our thoughts. And the reality is then we’re never stuck or on hold.

This has helped me hugely much recently when I’m staring at a 8 x 10 wall covered in huge big white sheets of plans. My blueprints

But don’t go ooooh and ahhhhh in too much wonder and glee just yet. I have biggie blueprints for just about every aspect of my life because at least of late I’m loving the concept that all of us are forever a building in process. A sculpture becoming. A life evolving.

Still, my dreaming, scheming, blue-skying self needs parameters.

So on any given biggie goal or small goal I’ve set for myself, I’m taking things in small teeny tiny steps and simply outlining what are the next ones.

Overwhelm almost paralyzed me landing a home recently.

I’d been in and out of a number of subleases (short term pet friendly rentals) because I wasnt’ quite certain where to permanently park my plane (me) for the now.

At the end of one such sublease (end of May) I realized on the day before I was set to move, I still had not had any landord confirm with me that I could move into an apartment. This was surely not because I’m particular. Heck no. It was just the matter of the season, the way the rentals fill up, it wasn’t a good time to find anything in the vacinity I was looking, and so on.

Panic set in.

Of course I have a credit card and of course I could land in yet another short term furnished pet friendly hotel room even though those are at times hard to come by and often way more expensive than one ought to spend. But my sense of economy and wisdom knew I’d done this already 6 months earlier.

(Baby background: an apartment I’d rented  for the longer haul ended up having some ongoing ceiling leaks in the depths of winter. Not fun. Seemed wise to find a more sound structure).

When panicky fearful thoughts overtake my otherwise sense of calm, I know what to do.

I become my own spiritual defense attorney. I advocate for my inherent freedom. I work to master the fear and to actualize the right now stable presence of calm in my thinking.

Fear is never the truth. Ever. And to rid it and its manipulation of my thought and actions, I meditate and pray. For me this means getting completely still in my thinking and advocating for myself what is the only power governing my now and what is in control of my life.

For me this is always the divine Mind or a constant ever present intelligent source of good.

Governed by this influence at every moment, I know then that there’s always a nudge that will steer me in a direction that I need to take for that moment. It may not end up that this very step is the be all end all answer, but the point: taking that next step leads to the next and so on.

And further, each step taken is done so with conviction.

I simply KNOW when I’m heeding that inner nudge.

So on this particular day, I’m calm and packing the car but knowing that as of check out at noon I don’t know where I’m steering the plane let alone landing it.

It’d been several months of this which will make for an wonderful colorful several series of posts at some point, not now. Just know that to say I’d reached my maximum on finding housing is an understatement.

My hood was up. All stuff loaded. My Bichon perched on top his pillow for the umptiumph time that year.

I climbed in too.

The air was chilly. I sat on inside the trunk with the hatch open.

I looked at my Bichon.

I felt that pull to start to panic.

I looked at the Bichon again and said “Well, guy, where we goin next?”

I was half asking.

More I was asserting in my heart THERE IS ALWAYS A PLACE FOR EACH ONE OF US. ALWAYS.

With that conviction, I remembered a landlord I’d contacted earlier in the week who’d apologized, said he thought I’d make a great tenant but he didnt’ have anything available.

I heard myself say out loud ‘But Tre, why bother calling him back? He said he didnt’ have any units open.”

But something nudged me to call him.

So I did.

And within five minutes, he answered and his first words, I kidd you not, were, “Tre! I was hoping you’d call back. You’ll never believe this but an apartment just became available and we can have this ready for ya within 48 hours if that still will work for you.”

I drove over. Tears of gratitude and joy pouring outa me, yet fully clear and knowing this was how it should be.

In less than 20 minutes since I got the nudge to phone him, I was standing in what would become my apartment.

And this was no short term either.

Surely there’s much more to the story about how my past two years have been their own journey on how a woman with a dog who’s self employed seeks to establish a life and a work and a home.

But the point: when I ask “what’s the next step” I’m never disappointed.

Answering it and being honest about following through with the answer are vital in this process.

There is always a next step. No matter what it is you are working on.

What’s gonna be yours?

“Pilgrim on earth, thy home is heaven. Stranger, thou art the guest of God.” Mary Baker Eddy

I gave away an easel today and learned a whole lot about love.
Exactly 1 year ago, I’d found this freebie treasure while on a scavenger hunt for nick nacks for my newly rented apartment.
I’d felt convinced my live/work studio would need an easel. While I don’t paint per se, blank canvases, easels, drafts tables, they’ve always inspired me to create.

A year ago, my thoughts of creating centered very much on all that I would do, build, paint with the mental canvas so to speak.
A year ago I needed externals to symbolize forward movement and growth, commitment, devotion, dedication.
A year ago I’d come to a place where I thought I needed to be in order to plant, grow, become.

Today I gave away the easel today to a four year old boy.
He paints.
He creates awe-inspiring works is more like it.
And he doesn’t use an easel.

Fortunately, his innocence and wonder and uninhibited zest for being impels a creative spirit that hasn’t been squelched…at least not enough to obligate him to feel he may need ‘help-meets’ along the way.

His unprejudiced, untainted exuberance hasn’t yet fallen to self doubt, despair or even an ounce of a hint he needs another’s approval or permission to create in the very exact unique way his individuality beckons him.

With or without said easel, me-thinks this painter-boy will continue to fascinate simply in the act of painting itself, in zero need for potential external motivation that title, rank, honor, public acknowledgment would perhaps foster.

To be sure, he flat out told me so.

Upon dropping off the easel I exclaimed “Looky looky! Something to help you with your painting!”

To which, I kidd you not, he exuberantly replied “What is that? I don’t need THAT THING to help me paint! All I use is my paint and brushes!”

That simple response touched me deeply.
I chose to give up the easel for the simple fact that I’ve come a 360 in ways mentally since a year ago.
I’m no longer seeking external permissions that I once sought for a few projects I am tinkering around with.
But more than that, in giving myself permission to honor my sense of right purpose and right life and how to love and be the kind of woman that I know I must, well, let’s just say i’ve dropped a ton of mental baggage and objects too.

It’s been a year since I obtained that easel.
And during this 365 day journey one of the deepest lessons I’ve been reminded of is:
No external object can ever provide the motivation to live true to one’s heart.
It’s simply not ours to exude our individuality in order to become someone, obtain acknowledgement, praise, title, or even power.
We possess our greatest asset, our unique individual expression of Being, simply to BE him or her. And being true to those inner pulls is surely what fills us with achievement, a sense of success, a sense of completeness and satisfaction.

I never thought I sought external approvals, at least in more recent years, but to be sure, I’ve harbored a ton of fear about fulfilling some innermost goals that simply are huge desires and will take many years to evolve.

And yet, so too is this sweet lesson of the 4 year old painting boy. ‘I need simply my paints and brushes.”
For me, this translates into the simple basics I need: to so love my own unique individuality that I honor my unique expression and listen and heed my innermost yearnings to discern and cultivate the vision and purpose for my life.

Those innermost nudges are really the impellings of Spirit. And in hearing them and in heeding them we can’t help but BE the exemplification of our true nature.

And in the times when it feels like an enormous amount of courage and steadfastness is needed to persevere in pursuit of my passions, again, I have only to go deep within, to thought, to listen for those yearnings, honor and nurture them, and sense out natural next steps.

Authenticity and being true to our hearts will only ever ask that of us: are we willing to get mentally still and listen? And keep listening to hear what pulls at us, what song beckons to be sung or what painting nudges for us to paint?

Neither an easel nor another’s opinion is necessary to give ourselves permission to exude and honor and live out what our hearts nudge us to live and do and be.

And that desire to pursue our innermost yearnings likewise defends our nature to love wholly, unconditionally, unfragmentally, unceasingly. We already have approval. We already have permission.

Thank you four year old painting boy for reminding my childlike self she hasn’t ever lost permission to live out her preciousness, her wonder, her adventure, her tireless yearning to climb and soar and sing and write and paint and be!!!

And thank you four year old painter boy for reminding me too that sneers and rejection and disapproval have zero effect when one continues to discern one’s heart and live it.

Whether you ever use the easel or not, thank you four year old painting boy for reminding me you will paint on masterfully anyway because it is simply who you are and what you must do!

Here’s to living that authenticity and wonder of being!

*Photo above taken by the painter boy’s incredibly gifted photographer mama, Kristen Sauer Higgins. Thanks for letting me use. And thank you Miles Higgins for this lesson.

Just a simple thought today.

I’m finding that there’s a tremendous hug when I pause to cherish the unique individuality that is mine and what comprises it.

What inspired me is this sweet video of Kristine Andreaseen’s song.

I’d just bought a pack of Crayola crayons the other day too, but just a 12 pack.

I wanted to just take some moments to color because when I do, I feel childlike and present.

There’s so much in our days that pulls at us to do more, be better, grow big.

But it always begins in thought and we are already the whole unique self we will always be.

This sweet song and video reminded me of that.

Hope they feel like a hug to you too.

So what do you think?

How are you discovering anew your unique individuality, beauty, grace…your preciousness?

Ever noticed how quick we are to say no when we want to do something spontaneous, especially for ourselves?

I gauged it recently and was rather s h o c k e d at how readily I said no.

Why is that I wondered.

I took a walk outside and gazed up at the birds who e f f o r t l e s s l y hopped from limb to limb.

“They’re surely not saying ‘no’ to the pull to leap to the next limb.”

I wondered if others are like this…quick to say no to themselves.

And then I do what I do. I started pondering a blogpost…

So think about it with me:

What if we allowed ourselves to say yes to ourselves more regularly?

Does doing so make you squirm? Feel hard? or feel freeing?

I’m beginning to think that saying ‘yes’ to ourselves — our hearts — is a sure way to not only feel more a l i v e but feel happier and joyfilled day to day.

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I can remember as a little girl, when Mom said no I usually marched straight to Dad and asked permission for whatever it was — usually going outside to climb the trees — and without hesitating,  he’d say yes. (In his defense though he pretty soon caught onto my scheming when Mom called out for me from the patio with that voice that the whole neighborhood could hear …” TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESHA!!!!!!! Get back here this instant!!!” I seriously think she thought I was going to fall out of the tree).

But I’ve thought about Dad’s readiness to say yes a lot…..

At some point we all have to learn to say yes to ourselves.

And on that note, here’s a few things I’m asking myself to help me decide to say YES!

1. Does saying yes make me happy?

2. Does saying yes help me get unstuck from a rutt?

3. Does saying yes feel light, joyful, good?

4. Does saying yes give me permission to play?

5. Does saying yes give me uninterrupted writing time?

6. Does saying yes support my desire to spend quality time with my puppa-love?

7. Does saying yes support my desire to be true to my heart?

8. Does saying yes feel safe?

9. Does saying yes feel familiar?

10. Does saying yes feel spontaneous and fun?

11. Does saying yes allow me to grow?

12. Does saying yes give me permission to be the me I’m trying to be?

13. Does saying yes allow me to stop hiding?

14. Does saying yes allow me to let go a false sense of responsibility or obligation?

15. Does saying yes enable me to feel free?

Surely I don’t ask each one every single time I’m stuck, but you get the idea.

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So how ’bout it? What do you think?

And how do you give yourself permission?

What works for you?

Couple days ago I read Liz Strauss‘ blog post offer to sum up the Social Media experience in 25 words.

Since I’ve been thinkin’ much about authenticity in life — how I’m being true to me — I thought I’d offer a unique take on my sense of the social media experience.

Here’s my 25:

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Being true nudges: endure and stand.

Sharing authentically invites: reflect unconditionally, unreservedly.

Expecting you devote the same:  invites reciprocity of mutual benefit: community, humanity, peace.

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.

What’s your 25?

Comment here and then link to Liz’ blog post.

Here’s to keepin’ it real.

Mornin’ to all. Hope you’re having a bright, sunny, warm one in your heart!

Been thinkin’ much of late about giving myself–ourselves–permission…how to say yes to our heart of hearts, or really how to even determine what that is.

How do you say yes to yourself? On the biggies? or the littles? on the stuff that makes your life have meaning?

Here’s some questions that help me weigh in on whether to give myself permission and say yes to my heart:

1. If I give myself permission and say yes to my heart, am I saying yes for me, or am I saying yes to gain approval/acceptance from someone else?

2. If I give myself permission and say yes to my heart, am I fulfilling a goal toward meeting my life purpose?

3. If I give myself permission and say yes to my heart, is this a next right step for my right now?

All of these measuring tools help me make a decision and here’s a bit of why on each:

I use the first gauge: “Am I saying yes to me for me” to really dive in and take an honest look at my heart, because, well, let’s face it: we all seek — on some level — praise and approval. And while this ought to be an outcome that makes us giddy after we’ve been true to our hearts, it can tend to factor into the decision making process at the get-go.

Truth be told, I have in the past made decisions that, although well intended, really did aim to attain someone’s approval (boss, mentor) or make someone proud (family, friends), or were decisions that I thought I should make at the time because it’s what was expected of me at that stage in my life and womanhood.

Tough to admit but there it is.

I’ve learned sometimes the hard way that when giving myself permission, it has to be to seek approval within.

How to do this? Ask yourself: Will saying yes really honor my own sense of what’s right for me?

If you don’t know how to determine if something is right for you, that’s okay too…it’s actually a topic I’ll write about in some additional posts…so stay tuned.

(or if you prefer, and you’re in need now of figuring out how to sense if something’s right for you, just shoot me an email at tre at thought by thought dot net and we can continue the conversation).

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I find the second gauge a really important one: am I fulfilling a goal toward meeting my life purpose?

Trust me when I say I totally get how this one can feel looming and large.

A ‘life purpose’ can feel really heavy, huge, and long term (10-20-30 year plan, etc).

And yet, if I don’t ask myself this, then I feel too scattered and too able to be swayed by spontaneous pulls that are wonderful but maybe not in line with my needs right now.

For me, the biggies, the major decisions — like where to live and what/ how to pursue our passion–can feel at times all over the map. I’ve gotta weigh in and ask whether a choice is helping me meet my sense of my over-all life purpose, with my overal sense of what I’m hoping to achieve in my life.

(Heads up: this question alone is worth unpacking a ton more and I plan to do so in future posts.

If however you wanna talk more about trying even to figure out your life purpose, feel free to comment below or email me at tre at thought by thought dot net).

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I use the third gauge: is this next step a right step for my right now? to keep me light hearted but focused.

I have to think that way in terms of baby steps, step by step, one at a time, moment to moment and day by day. Sometimes it helps me break into more manageable chunks the biggie, huge stuff I want to achieve.

Other times it helps me pace a project that is going to take a long while to accomplish.

Either way, weighing in on whether something is a right step for the right now keeps me mentally present, focused, and aware. And thinking that way keeps me really zero in to my right now what is doable, what makes most sense.

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So there ya go, these are just a few questions I ask myself in order to give myself permission.

How ’bout you? What works for you? What questions do you ask yourself?

Thanks for adding your 2 cents and more and continuing the conversation.

Enjoy your day!!!

So what gets in the way of you giving yourself permission?

Life?

Society pressures?

Family expectations?

A spouse’s denial?

Your own?

While I can’t speak to anyone else’s experience except my own, I know that it seems like giving ourselves permission — especially women– is an ongoing need.

So when I think about permission and giving myself permission, I think this way:

1. What would allow me to say yes to my heart?

2. What am I afraid of if I really do say yes to my heart?

3. Who’s opinion am I concerned about most in terms of how he/she/they will react if I say yes to my heart?

Walking through these questions helps me a ton.

Being honest to the answers is very enlightening too and shows me what are the mental walls I’ve created for myself.

How about you?

What helps you give yourself permission to your heart? to fulfil some of your heart of hearts deepest desires?

I’m not talking about what gives you permission to do something like go shopping or treat yourself to some kind of appointment.

I’m talking about giving yourself — your heart of heart’s desire — permission to live and be and grow and become.

Would love to hear what helps you say yes.

And would also love to hear what stands in the way.

How can I help?

As always thanks for reading and responding.

Hugs for your footsteps and your journey.

Tre ~

It’s a theme I often write about..mommying the moments.

I don’t think we can mommy ourselves too much.

When you look around, the world needs mothering. Everywhere.

By that I mean it needs our tenderness, our compassion, our nurturing patience, our care, our encouraging, our companioning.

And more, each one of us need us to mother ourselves.

Think about it.

When sifting thoughts, the blaring condemning scolding yelling demonic attacks, sure why these may reflect a type of upbringing we had, they are not the mothering care of Divine Love that is nurturing us every single solitary moment.

The questions then aren’t so much “how do I love myself?”

But more to the point: How can I mommy myself right now?

And it doesn’t matter if you’ve never raised children.

And it doesn’t matter if you are not a woman.

What matters is that we pour ourselves into nurturing our hearts and holding them and honoring them and owning our uniqueness….

Starting within may we then pour out to others.

But if you’re like me, maybe you’ve found that in pouring out to others without nurturing youself…well, pretty soon you don’t have much more to give.

If ‘mommying our moments’ feels babyish, ask why?

Better still, share what mothering your moments means to you.

It’s vital and perhaps to me one of the singlemost important lessons I’ve ever learned, and humbly am STILL learning.

What do you think? How does this resonate with you?

Thanks for reading as always and here’s to being the love you are about….

Hugs…

Tre ~

Hello wonderful you.

Glad you are back to read/listen to another post.

And if this is your first time here, cool! Welcome to thoughtbythought.net where we’ve been talking about how to be authentic.

Today we’re putting it in 5th gear (or 4th for those who ride a motorcycle).

Today, We are saying yes. Yes to everything we’ve ever wanted to do.

No holds barred.

No limits.

No buts.

No if onlys.

Today, let’s take a few moments to blue-sky and jot down everything we’ve ever wanted permission to do.

Now you can do this a number of ways..take a sheet of scratch paper and a pen, or grab a journal. Or if you want a more permanent visual, grab a lipstick and jot down ideas on your mirror.

Here’s a peek at the list I wrote this morning during my journaling my thoughts session:

1. Be a mommy

2. Buy another motorcycle (I miss my Honda Shadow 750cc)

3. Scuba

4. Parasail

5. Skinny dip, in the ocean, regularly (I miss this!)

6. Visit the Himilayas, hike some of K-2 or Mt. Everest

7. Live in the tropics (I miss them!)

8. Write a book, or several

9. Windsurf

10. Play electric guitar

Whew. Fun, huh?

Now lots of these I’ve done pieces of, right?

Like the motorcycling, the writing, the skinnydipping…those aren’t ginormous permissions because I know how to do them.

But being a mommy, at least for now, invites me to consider adoption and that’s a L O N G process and not completely one I think I wanna dive into.

BUT! I can cherish it.

And see that’s the whole point.

With EVERYTHING you give yourself permission to experience, what you’re really doing is giving your heart permission to express the qualities that activity represents.

The hiking Himilayas is my tangible activity that outwardly expresses my desire for visiting another continent, engaging in a physical challenge, and putting that to an extreme.

The writing a book is a tangible expression that gives my passion for writing a tangible structure and outline.

See?

What’s more, when I created this list, maybe a minute went by. Seriously.

I didn’t overthink a thing. These desires are every with me 24/7….Some of them so much that it hurts that I’m not engaging in them more.

And that is also eyeopening because it gives me time to pause and ask ‘Okay kid, so why aren’t you pursuing that right now?”

And see?

If I’m honest and I have no rational reason as to why I’m not pursuing that thing, then it’s a tender wake up call to get on it.

How liberating, huh?

Giving ourselves permission and saying yes to our heart of hearts is really our creating a blueprint for our passions.

And this was only a few surfacey topics. I didn’t (on purpose) list out any work goals.

When we give ourselves permission, when we listen to what our heart yearns for and say YES to our heart of hearts, we fly, we soar, we move mentally and break through a lot of the limits we put on ourselves.

So how bout it?

Get a timer.

Set it for 3 minutes.

Write down everything and then reread in wonder and awe and delight!

What d’ya think? Give it a try and say what works for you

We really do have permission to say YES to our hearts, every single moment!

Thanks for being here and eager to connect with you!

Tre ~