tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-106319252015-12-22T08:47:40.704-06:00The Thinking MotherChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.comBlogger5267125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-19990400977615755212015-12-21T13:29:00.000-06:002015-12-21T13:37:04.499-06:00What Really Matters or The Purpose of LifeSome day I will write more about it because I have more thoughts than I care to share now.<br /><br />I'm having one of those moments where it seems all that really matters in life is our relationships and how we treat each other. I think the purpose of life is to love each other and to treat all with kindness and to give love freely to strangers and everyone in whatever small way that love looks like. Things get messy when we really know people and when we have history and wrongs have been done to inflict hurt and harm. We have to muddle through anger and resentment or rebuild trust. Sometimes we can give unconditional love through the hurt and pain. Unconditional love I believe is the goal that all should strive for. Yet we still can and still should be angry at wrongdoings or accidents or mistakes or when evil people intentionally harm us. It's complicated because emotions are complicated and people are complicated. I don't think we should block anger or deny hurt feelings but at some point we need to forgive and move on, if possible, to rebuild up a good relationship. Sometimes though, a friendship is just over, a family member has wronged us one too many times, or the other person does not want to do the work it takes to rebuild the relationship.<br /><br />Stuff is happening around here.<br /><br />Two weeks ago a girl in town who goes to the other high school committed suicide by hanging after her boyfriend broke up with her. A week later a girl in my son's grade at his school took pills and hung herself and was found still alive by her younger sister. The family shared the information via the school's parent email distribution list with a list of depression and suicide prep symptoms to raise awareness. She was on life support with no brain activity and unable to breathe on her own for days. They were considering removing life support. I don't know the events but it was said after lots of prayer, she had brain activity but then passed away yesterday.<br /><br />There was a change in my husband's job. A major event happened two years ago and management changes had to be made and changes had begun. Something big happened last week that's not good. I do not know what this means yet entirely as more will happen this week.<br /><br />In the parenting realm of what we are dealing with: the grades for my younger son will come out after the two week break which he is on now. He might have his first D, I am not sure yet. He brought some grades up and one other former A I think will be a B. The issue is not the grades it is more that he is not working to his potential and is just not trying in some areas and other sloppiness is really hurting him which is just stupid. Due to understanding the big picture of life and these suicides, we are not over-emphasizing grade striving but it's sad to see potential not being lived up to and my husband and I hate apathy. You can hate school and hate the school game but get in the game and just do it. He does not have burn out as he was spared nine grades plus preschool and daycare so he should have the energy in him. His self-concept and self-esteem is pretty high if you ask me.<br /><br />I don't want to say anything about our older son as he asked that I not blog about him. Let's just say we are dealing with typical American parent-teen dynamics plus still dealing with the medical stuff. Decisions are being made about future schooling plans.<br /><br />I have been thinking about a few things more seriously, one being going back to work. Due to the job situation with my husband I feel the need to do something, to take action, to help out. I have been out of the workforce for 18 years though! I know writing a book is a serious endeavor. I have three topics for nonfiction books that I really would like to learn more about and that I believe no books are published on yet. One idea just came to me this weekend. So I am thinking about serioulsy diving into writing a book about those topics, picking one at a time of course. Lastly in the personal enrichment life enchancement and enjoyment realm: I would like to expand my art skills and am thinking about enrolling at the community college that is fifteen minutes from my home to take formal classes. I am not finding info online on how to enroll if one already has a bachelor's degree so I will wait until the college is open again to figure that out. I already own a small business and year two is winding down and probably will not be profitable yet. I am torn over giving up or wondering if I should try to wholesale my products. The business is not all fun and games and more time is spend on administration and marketing and sales pushing than is spent on making product which is what I mainly love about it.<br /><br />Well the point of the post is that no matter what is going on in life, what problems, what minutae, what world events, it really all boils down to life is best when we live a decent life, when we love each other and are kind to each other. In some cases that means we see less of certain people so when we see them it's a positive experience. In some cases we can build new deep friendships to enhance each other's lives, in some cases our love of a topic or a project or of writing helps us touch strangers, when our writing or work helps (or entertains) others and helps them live their life better in some way, it means our "work" (even if unpaid) is meaningful. In some cases we do volunteer work to share our love and energy with others who need a service or whose lives are enhanced and elevated by the work we choose to do. What we get out of it is we feel of use and in giving to others we feel of value and of use. Humans have a need to feel of use and to feel appreciated and some of us get that fulfillment at home, at work or in the community,. When we do not feel appreciated or of value or when we feel unloved or unappreciated or isolated it can lead to sadness or depression or to suicide. But even when dealing with adversity or annoyance or huge life problems if we have enough love and if we feel supported and of value in the world it is all we need to get through the day or to feel today was a good day or a great day.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-17696190451822581452015-12-13T03:00:00.000-06:002015-12-13T03:00:10.205-06:00My Netflix Account Was HackedFor about six months we really struggled with our Netflix account having been hacked over and over. We have the plan where only two people can watch at one time. We discovered the hacking when we were prevented to watch something as the max number of viewers was using the system. We also could see the history of viewing that showed programs that none of us was waching (stupid kid movies and goofy sitcoms, nothing controversial).<br /><br />We phoned Netflix and got verification that right now a user was watching program XYZ. They would not or could not tell what IP address or location that person was at. They did a reboot that kicked off the hacker viewer. They were viewing via an XboxOne, we were told.<br /><br />I then changed my password right then and there. We thougth that would fix it but it did not work. Day after day this hacker viewer would regain access to our Netflix account and serial watch his current favorite sitcom.<br /><br />I finally changed my email account used for the login as well as a more difficult password and it stopped.<br /><br />Oh how I wished I could leave a message for that viewer! It would have contained some explicatives!<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-37007862892191374062015-12-12T08:32:00.002-06:002015-12-21T14:01:52.433-06:00A Theory on Teens Who MisbehaveMisbehave may be a tame word, let's call it intentionally being an a**hole or doing bad things when they know better.<br /><br />My current theory is that some teens who receive unconditional love with a strong family bond (not enmeshment co-dependent mess family situations) may choose to act in ways that are contrary to the family's culture in order to push the parent(s) away so that they can be left alone to feel they are living a more independent life.<br /><br />Also I think that the desire to be fully independent is there before the teen is ready to actually ready to take on the burden of self-sufficiency as it is defined in our modern American society. While in the past a teen could strike out on their own and get some minimal labor job to pay a low rent and bike or drive a junker around town, today it's more complicated. To be fully on one's own comes with a lot of financial burdens ranging from paying $3K and more as a teen boy for car insurance for one non-sportscar and paying a lot for health insurance as required by the Affordable Care Act. To get a rent is no longer a cheap nightly rate as in the boarding houses of olden times, but is a year long lease with two or three month's rent as security deposit and last month's rent. It's so expensive to live within the law's requirements now that a teen would have a hard time living independently while putting themselves through college or voc-tech school, working an entry-level unskilled labor job or even while working in the first years at their career job. Thus teens and young adults who feel they are emotionally ready to be self-sufficient are kept living at home with parents footing a portion of their necessary expenses which makes them feel constricted and trapped as well as incapable and incompetent at "living life".<br /><br />Some teens and young adults take this angst and frustration out on others including the ones who love them the most. It's a crying shame and just wrong.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-39465667154650888182015-12-10T15:04:00.005-06:002015-12-10T15:04:56.281-06:00PSAT 2015 Score DelayHere is a <a href="https://collegereadiness.collegeboard.org/psat-nmsqt-psat-10/k12-educators/psat-nmsqt-dates">link</a> to an announcement from the College Board annnouncing a month delay in the release of the scores from the first taking of the new PSAT in October 2015.<br /><br />My son took this as a 10th grader this year after having not really practiced and taking a wimpy school district prep class for 8 of the 12 hours (he missed the last day). If he needs practice we will have to go with a private company. He is unmotivated to work on his own on this.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-84584508234672398872015-12-09T16:21:00.001-06:002015-12-09T16:21:20.761-06:00What I Missed While HomeschoolingWhen very busy living life you sometimes are oblivious to what you missed that went on while otherwise occupied. I am discovering things that went on in the world while I was too busy to know. It's nothing earth shattering but it's something nonetheless.<br /><br />In 1995 I tried making candles by melting beexwax into a metal candle mold. I bought the equipment at Yankee Candle's outlet in Massachusetts. It was a fail and I could not release the candle from the mold. I also bought some of their melt and pour wax already scented and poured that into glass containers, that worked just fine. Back then the Internet was hardly anything and no directions on this existed. I accessed a couple of books on beeswax crafting and it was not of much help. I gave up. I have discovered that while busy homeschooling a whole bunch of people began making candles including coloring them and using scents they bought online. Communities of candle makers sprung up on the web to teach each other. Now I could ask anyone how to get that beeswax out of the mold and I'd have an answer in two seconds. (I actually know the answer now thanks to something I learned in the soapmaking community: you just put it in the oven and melt it off and into a metal container.) I found out that new easier to use silicone molds appeared on the market. YouTube had videos about candlemaking. I missed all of this. Meanwhile in a box in my craft room is my metal mold that cost me $20 that I was too cheap to get rid of, with the beeswax still in it.<br /><br />As my kids grow up and now that homeschooling is over with, I am reverting to me being primarily me and secondarily a wife and a mother. I am able to have time to deal with my health and wellness and I have time for physical exercise. I am getting caught up on long neglected tasks one by one. I continue to pare down my saved papers and make nice files or get rid of stuff that I thought would go into a file to be saved which is not needed. Still on the list is to get rid of old homeschooling papers. The garage is almost ready for us to park inside it!<br /><br />Anyhow it's always an odd feeling when I realize things that went on when I was busy with my nose to the grindstone homeschooling my kids!<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-54449324947969884352015-12-04T03:00:00.001-06:002015-12-03T07:56:08.357-06:00ErosionThis is an area that is kept wild in order to be a runoff for water area surrounding the suburb neighborhood development. The rains we get here are hard and fast, gullywashers.<br /><br />The erosion I see here is sometime so surprising.<br /><br />This area was cleared of native plants and trees and harvested for wood in the early 1900s and planted for a crop: loblolly pines. The sawmill closed and so what is left here is not all native.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J_7axSwtAC8/Vl9tl3gUKKI/AAAAAAAAHQE/tjfRj9fbsn0/s1600/IMG_8220.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J_7axSwtAC8/Vl9tl3gUKKI/AAAAAAAAHQE/tjfRj9fbsn0/s320/IMG_8220.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JqpLc1jwDQU/Vl9tnBKogdI/AAAAAAAAHQM/cVhMRIUStUU/s1600/IMG_8222.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JqpLc1jwDQU/Vl9tnBKogdI/AAAAAAAAHQM/cVhMRIUStUU/s320/IMG_8222.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e9y8W1xiBaU/Vl9toHKFXlI/AAAAAAAAHQU/unO3_eao6qQ/s1600/IMG_8223.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e9y8W1xiBaU/Vl9toHKFXlI/AAAAAAAAHQU/unO3_eao6qQ/s320/IMG_8223.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cppxa3aIzaw/Vl9tp3Dv_tI/AAAAAAAAHQc/5e7foeR3KT4/s1600/IMG_8226.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cppxa3aIzaw/Vl9tp3Dv_tI/AAAAAAAAHQc/5e7foeR3KT4/s320/IMG_8226.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sRzxO072QC4/Vl9treBUxhI/AAAAAAAAHQk/ArMuW74n4rk/s1600/IMG_8228.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sRzxO072QC4/Vl9treBUxhI/AAAAAAAAHQk/ArMuW74n4rk/s320/IMG_8228.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1hiI50BAw7M/Vl9ttjGF6BI/AAAAAAAAHQs/s5vkmxKZwyk/s1600/IMG_8229.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1hiI50BAw7M/Vl9ttjGF6BI/AAAAAAAAHQs/s5vkmxKZwyk/s320/IMG_8229.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-39763655760882239732015-12-04T03:00:00.000-06:002015-12-04T03:00:05.822-06:00Update On Digestive Enzymes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mckLwWdgpOg/Vl9vaReJElI/AAAAAAAAHRI/89MYag3WGio/s1600/IMG_7935.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mckLwWdgpOg/Vl9vaReJElI/AAAAAAAAHRI/89MYag3WGio/s320/IMG_7935.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">This is a follow-up to my November 9 post: <a href="http://thethinkingmother.blogspot.com/2015/11/digestive-enzymes-started.html">Digestive Enzymes Started</a>.</div><br />When using the digestive enzymes my IBS symptoms have ended! It was not immediate but it settled in. If I ever forget to take them I sometimes have a bit of IBS issues. When I have forgotten for a whole day, I had full blown IBS symptoms again.<br /><br />Life is much better without IBS symptoms. I do not like the cramps and the pain, or running to the toilet for up to six hours at a time. I don't like cancelling plans as I cannot leave the house. I don't like being in public and having to rush to find a public restroom and then figuring out how I can manage to leave the toilet to get to the car and get home in time.<br /><br />I am trying so hard to cure my dysbiosis. As I've said before I have eliminated certain foods, am eating healthy foods, am taking high doses of doctor prescribed probiotics and taking the digestive enzymes with each meal. I added fermented foods to my diet also.<br /><br />But I kind of sorta started back on drinking coffee!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RK3iF4LKY-g/Vl9vZMmEOaI/AAAAAAAAHRA/6lpBtDxBhmQ/s1600/IMG_7936.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RK3iF4LKY-g/Vl9vZMmEOaI/AAAAAAAAHRA/6lpBtDxBhmQ/s320/IMG_7936.JPG" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-73632944696072937972015-12-03T03:00:00.000-06:002015-12-03T03:00:02.883-06:00November Nature HikeAfter a rain one day I took a nature hike. The woods here are pretty ugly I think. Not to be negative but I was raised in the Northeast Woods and to me that is what the forest is supposed to be like. In autumn here we have mostly leaves that turn brown and quickly fall. There are some colors here and there.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UblkvbEmYIo/Vl9sSpY270I/AAAAAAAAHO8/8FJSjvwpl_I/s1600/IMG_8249.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UblkvbEmYIo/Vl9sSpY270I/AAAAAAAAHO8/8FJSjvwpl_I/s320/IMG_8249.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />Sweetgum is a native tree whose leaves turn bright yellow and sometimes also to red.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GaqU-guvvK4/Vl9sXNNIyQI/AAAAAAAAHPI/8m57vPVZsac/s1600/IMG_8213.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GaqU-guvvK4/Vl9sXNNIyQI/AAAAAAAAHPI/8m57vPVZsac/s320/IMG_8213.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The paths here are sand and clay.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BaGozLFeBpk/Vl9sXMMdtMI/AAAAAAAAHPM/RKFKbC-AYUg/s1600/IMG_8214.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BaGozLFeBpk/Vl9sXMMdtMI/AAAAAAAAHPM/RKFKbC-AYUg/s320/IMG_8214.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5FQv4lrrh8s/Vl9sW3PMn2I/AAAAAAAAHPE/XhnaiPEQ2dE/s1600/IMG_8215.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5FQv4lrrh8s/Vl9sW3PMn2I/AAAAAAAAHPE/XhnaiPEQ2dE/s320/IMG_8215.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zJabEvuA2oU/Vl9sYJDij5I/AAAAAAAAHPg/XchdkOL8CyY/s1600/IMG_8216.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zJabEvuA2oU/Vl9sYJDij5I/AAAAAAAAHPg/XchdkOL8CyY/s320/IMG_8216.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">I have tried to dry these leaves but the color changes to browns so I must rely </div><div style="text-align: center;">on photographs to remember. </div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8aiuGgosWdU/Vl9sYeodS8I/AAAAAAAAHPc/t3_xu8pyhp8/s1600/IMG_8218.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8aiuGgosWdU/Vl9sYeodS8I/AAAAAAAAHPc/t3_xu8pyhp8/s320/IMG_8218.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">As I found it (the pine needle).</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tFNWveIT3ZI/Vl9sZYNvcLI/AAAAAAAAHPo/ITi8SYGDoPU/s1600/IMG_8224.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tFNWveIT3ZI/Vl9sZYNvcLI/AAAAAAAAHPo/ITi8SYGDoPU/s320/IMG_8224.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Finally the sun was peeping out. </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kg4Zvhb_pVQ/Vl9sbH6SCWI/AAAAAAAAHP0/iao6U-aitL8/s1600/IMG_8233.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kg4Zvhb_pVQ/Vl9sbH6SCWI/AAAAAAAAHP0/iao6U-aitL8/s320/IMG_8233.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Rain droplets on pine needles. </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-L_wagba2QzY/Vl9seVyY6BI/AAAAAAAAHP8/72-BD_wsGqQ/s1600/IMG_8240.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-L_wagba2QzY/Vl9seVyY6BI/AAAAAAAAHP8/72-BD_wsGqQ/s320/IMG_8240.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">The sand and clay washes into the water after a rain then looks like this. Un-pretty.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WnAL7B21pac/Vl9txCU3t0I/AAAAAAAAHQ4/gaJbCaTnDag/s1600/IMG_8231.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WnAL7B21pac/Vl9txCU3t0I/AAAAAAAAHQ4/gaJbCaTnDag/s320/IMG_8231.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">A typical path.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-13831590864219462252015-12-02T16:08:00.000-06:002015-12-02T16:08:20.854-06:00Working At Home Alone Is HardWorking at home alone is not all that some may imagine it to be. I have been in business for myself making artisan soap and bath products for almost two years. Last week, Thanksgiving week was perhaps my lowest point and the realization really hit me hard. It really felt like work and was un-fun. My family life was interrupted by the business. I would not mind if I was turning a profit but so far I am still in the red.<br /><br />When you work for yourself alone, you do it all. When there is success it's all you but when there's failure or a deadline not met, it's all your fault. When you commit to a deadline you cannot get out of it, you are the one who has to make it happen. When a business is not profitable it doesn't really ever feel like success.<br /><br />When struggling with a task that you cannot solve you have no one to turn to unless you hire an expert or beg (pester) friends hoping to see who might, maybe, have ability in that area. So far I have relied on myself mostly, my husband (which did not work), and I have hired experts. When not making a profit it gets hard to justify hiring out tasks. Last week I finally gave up on a project that is more profitable than soap and resorted to prayer, something I am still hesitant to do as I am still a beginner Christian I guess. After prayer and surrendering, giving up, my mind was clear. I then got a new idea, it just popped into my head. I researched that and it was the solution to my fourteen month 60+ hours long trial and error problem. I believe this is how God works through prayer so that was a bit of testimony for you.<br /><br />When you work at home you can never get away. The things you do and use are inside your house. I try to have a regular house with rooms that function as normal but there is a business here. I do use the spare bedroom as a soap warehouse and the closets and room house bins of materials, show display pieces, etc. Cabinets in the laundry room store base oils, the pantry closet has more base oils and butters, and the coat close in the foyer houses my soap molds, soap cutters, and new jars and bottles for packaging.<br /><br />When a deadline looms the real world's schedule does not matter. My Thanksgiving was a working day for me this year. I had never done that before. I had decided to do a Black Friday open house inside my home with a portion of the sales going to the nonprofit organization youth development sport team we helped found. People said they would come. I had prepared samples and made a nice package up to give to all the families. My line of thinking was to let them try the soap and sugar scrubs to see how or if they like them, then they would be willing to buy them at the sale (which was over three weeks later). People said they would come and shop for themselves and for gifts for Christmas. I produced more product leading up to the sale date. I added more items that were gifts as per customer requests to make gifts that were "all ready to hand" to the recipient. I worked to get it packaged, designed the new labels, fought over the sugar scrub labels and more. Note that week was school vacation week but we did nothing to do family fun with our teens, they wanted independent time anyway and they had refused to take at vacation trip, but still I wished I was free to do fun things, but instead I worked.<br /><br />On Thanksgiving Day I was still not entirely ready for the open house the next day. I got up at 7am on Thanksgiving and worked nonstop until 2pm, then I rushed and in 15 minutes, got ready to have dinner at a friend's house. I only had a glass and a half of wine as I wanted to be alert and awake, and ready to work after. I left the party early and worked two more hours before exhaustion hit.<br /><br />On Black Friday I awoke at five in order to get to work. Mind you I never jump out of bed to work at five in the morning! Now I did final prep on labels and the set up. I also cleaned the house. I knew guests would go in all the downstairs public rooms. When show time arrived I was exhausted and wired. I also was tipping over to hypoglycemia as I had not been eating enough. I kept plugging this event on social media and even invited the public, but I did not hound those who said they were coming with text messages or phone calls.<br /><br />No one showed up. Through the show time (three hours) I worked and did things that were not messy like design more new labels and struggle with a printer and networking problem we suddenly had. So my holiday week and the actual holiday were taken up with preparation for a failed thing. I was just falling asleep for a nap when my husband and son arrived home from work early and woke me up. I was so tired. In the evening I had to get out of here since I had been in my home working so hard for so many days. My husband and I did a quick shopping trip to Marshall's to see what was there (there was no special Black Friday sale). Then we went home.<br /><br />It is true that procrastination was partly to blame for my last minute rushing but when working for yourself alone you have to provide your own planning of course but more importantly, provide your own momentum and energy to do things like get up early and stick to the tasks of the day. It is hard to produce and sell when giving in to spontaneity or living with impulse.<br /><br />I also never feel like any task is done. This is the same feeling as I have with being a mother at home and with homeschooling. There is always a list in my mind of creative new projects to research and test, new ways to promote and advertise, new ideas about local shows to sell at or figuring out how I could start to do wholesale to local shops.<br /><br />It hit me on Black Friday as I worked by myself in the house that so many of the things I like about working outside the home do not exist when working for oneself inside one's home. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, it is so true! What I miss is being aroud other people, the comraderie, the shared experiences (good and bad), the friendships. I miss relying on others for their expertise and skills. I miss the give and take of teamwork and work tasks, "I'll work on that if you take this over". I miss someone else giving deadlines and me working toward that and finishing something then getting recognized or praised at least a little for finishing up something well. When I am the deadline maker it's not solid enough. I am more productive when someone else is watching over me.<br /><br />I miss getting out of the house and having another place to go. Sometimes I just want to work adn not be encumbered by my other family members. I am blessed and love that my husband cooks but have found that nights and weekends are not conducive to me working when he's here to suddenly be competing for the same space I'm trying to work in. When I am trying to make a video recording I have teens interrupting and making noise. And it's even a competition with the house and housework. I am juggling all the time and multitasking. Laundry is running while I am putting clean dishes away and cleaning the kitchen to use Good Manufacturing Principals to get ready to make soap. Then I have to rush to get everything put away so I can make dinner. It is starting to feel like to leave the house to go to an office job would be a vacation away from the drudgery that is housework and to get a breather from my family.<br /><br />I used to dream of being a self-employed writer. I realize that is another form of difficult work-at-home, no deadline, work under your own steam plus relying on your creative muse. All the work that goes into finding jobs (ie a freelance magazine article writer) or looking for publishers for a book is a lot of work that is necessary that is not writing. It's kind of like the fun of making soap from scratch but then realizing you spend more time looking for places to sell it, doing your own graphic design of labels, researching FDA rules and keeping records and paying state sales tax quarterly.<br /><br />Getting a real job in the real world is starting to appeal to me.<br /><br />Or maybe I will go back to college. I'd like to do something with a schedule that someone else controls and have deadlines and projects that I can succeed at. The idea of working for college grades right now seems actually fun.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-25125081455049554362015-11-26T09:38:00.002-06:002015-11-26T09:38:58.141-06:00Two Friends From CampWhen my older son attended a college class camp after junior year in which he stayed in a dorm on campus for three weeks he made friends. Two are close friends who are one year younger than my son. They speak on a regular basis while playing online games together via XboxOne and via personal computer/Internet.<br /><br />Just throwing it out there that these friendships can happen at summer camps and his have lasted a year and a half so far.<br /><br />Today my son is watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, something he usually does not do, in order to see one of his friends who is in his high school marching band.<br /><br />It's pretty cool if you ask me. Of course this is all about personality and if you are open to friendships and open to maintaining connections. Not all teens seem to want or need such relationships so they do not make the effort for the initial connection or to keep the connection going. It takes time and energy to be together and to socialize (even if that is online only). Some teens just don't care. I know some teens who have no friends at all and they seem content with living that way.<br /><br />My son attended that camp as an academic class for college credit as part of his homeschooling. I think it's interesting and good that the mythological unsocialized homeschooler would make friends with kids from other states and maintain those relationships for over a year (and counting).<br /><br /><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-63715299077111971682015-11-17T19:16:00.004-06:002015-11-17T19:16:50.796-06:00Intensity and MedicationThe deep sensitivities and intensely felt emotions of artists fuel their creativity. The urge to release their feelings moves them to create, to make art, to write, to make music, to compose lyrics.<br /><br />Sometimes I wonder if the passionate artists of the past were medicated in their youth and in their 20s, what would have happened, would their works have not been created?<br /><br />This occured to me today while listening to Bruce Springsteen. At the age of 28 he recorded Promised Land.<br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white;">"<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I've done my best to live the right way</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I get up every morning and go to work each day </span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">But your eyes go blind and your blood runs cold </span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Sometimes I feel so weak I just want to explode </span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Explode and tear this town apart </span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Take a knife and cut this pain from my heart </span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Find somebody itching for something to start"</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px;">-Bruce Springsteen, Promised Land</span></span></blockquote><div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Today if someone feels they want to explode they are given a mood stabilizer. If they want to cut the pain from their heart they are thought to be suicidal or violent, feared and in need of rescue. If you say you are looking for somebody to start a fight with, you are thought to want to provoke violence. </span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I just don't know what is normal and what teen boys are like but outgrow, versus what is pathological and which are signs of something more serious that needs attention. It's so confusing.</span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-85389752888279785992015-11-11T17:33:00.000-06:002015-11-11T17:33:27.041-06:00Figuring Out Systems and Letting GoI came to the realization about a year ago that I'm good at figuring out systems. This has been good and bad for our homeschooling and family journey. I've been thinking about this for a while and am still trying to figure out how this all matters.<br /><br />Honestly I believe my childhood was filled with benign neglect. Additionally my mother's mental illness created a family dynamic that was less than ideal. Recently I have been hearing women grapple with the loss of their mothers when they pass away and it dawned on me what they are now missing I never had. I will not grieve the loss of that mother/daughter relationship as I never had it. My mother began slipping away when I was about nine, so those are my last good memories of what a normal childhood was like. My brother is in the process of trying to convince me that our father is a narcissist. I don't know much about narcissism. I do know he has symptoms of OCD and a bit of anxiety that affects his daily life and his life path but it's not clinical anxiety. Stuff like the fear of the stock market losing your money so only investing in CDs so you barely have a retirement fund or discomfort in social situations so he keeps very much to himself (not a social party goer for example).<br /><br />All this is said to explain that I realized when I was in about 10th grade that I'd have to figure stuff out on my own in order to plan my life out as I was getting no advice or encouragement from either of my parents. A first let down was realizing I did not have the right classes in high school to be admitted to certain colleges for certain degrees. The college books showed the best colleges for this and that major but I did not have what it took to get in. I realized my ignorance and lack of guidance from school set me on a path that was not in alignment with my hopes and dreams.<br /><br />With my own family I wanted to do things right and best. Because how else could a responsible mother do things? Who really chooses second or third best or chooses actions for a bad outcome?<br /><br />I was able to figure out a lot which took a lot of thinking, hence the blog name. When my older son had health problems I figured out it was food allergies (then was confirmed by doctors). When my baby had troube breastfeeding and the lactation consultant could not help I found another source, La Leche League and they were a huge help, along with referring me to a different lactation consultant not associated with our pediatrician, who solved the problem. For homeschooling I figured out what to do, what was legal, what was best, what the alternatives were. I spotted and helped get my son diagnosed with Lyme Disease and learning disabilities. Before calling the other one lazy I had him tested and he's just gifted with no problems other than a little slow reading speed which does not quality him for an LD.<br /><br />The struggle we (I) have had was mostly in the high school years is when what I know to be best or right was not agreed to do by my son(s). I think it's worse when you know the right thing that should be done and your teen refuses, then your teen performs sub-optimally or fails, and you know there was no good reason for that to have happened. It is hard to see your child not live up to their potential. But to grow up they must become independent and they must own their path and the motivation and drive has t come from within themselves. Teens cannot do well with only the parent pushing. The experience of the teen who is acts only when pushed by the parent is not the good and beneficial equivalent compared to teen whose same result came from within.<br /><br />I have so many stories I wish I could share here about how imperfect things are with our family but for privacy reasons it's not right to share them. I have said that this year athletes on the sport team have been making fun of my son for what what written here. It's not right. But it's a risk with me blogging.<br /><br />Some of the challenges we have been living with are working themselves out and some former issues which caused me much hand-wringing and too many tears are turning out alright. The more that my husband and I let go and let our teens navigate their own path, the better it turns out. It is just hard to let go and it's hard to watch them make bad choices that cause problems.<br /><br />I hope some day after some years go by I can share some of the stories, when my kids are past the time when telling of their flaws and struggles is no longer risky or dangerous. When it's all behind us and things are good then I can speak of some of the hard times. For now I am happy that our familyl is moving along in the right direction even though we are far from perfect.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-14214527438971433682015-11-09T20:47:00.001-06:002015-11-09T20:47:25.259-06:00Digestive Enzymes StartedHaving changed nothing except adding digestive enzymes and a typical probiotic I am shocked.<br /><br />I cannot believe how much energy I have from what I feel are the digestive enzymes!<br /><br />I was not absorbing nutrients from the food I ate despite it being high quality food.<br /><br />Now I am actually absorbing those nutrients!<br /><br />I feel younger and have high energy. This is amazing.<br /><br />When I skip the digestive enzymes due to being out and eating when not at home I feel blah.<br /><br />I cannot believe they make that much of a difference!<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-60247425870142672892015-11-03T10:56:00.001-06:002015-11-03T10:56:40.965-06:00Treatment Plan After Stool Microbiome TestThe results were worse than I thought. My test (by Genova Labs) showed severe inflammation in my system and severe damage of the intestines but at least I am negative for Chron's and Celiac. Since I now have symptoms of Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) I already had a clue I was a real mess. I also have no parasites (which I never suspected). Bottom line: I have dysbiosis and leaky gut (gut permeability) which I already knew from me becoming intolerant (having IGG allergic reactions to whatever I am eating).<br /><br />I am low on many of the good bacteria in the microbiome, some are not in the common probiotic supplements. One I am very low in is responsible for breaking down starches and converting them to energy. I wonder if this is why when I avoid starches and eat Paleo I feel fantastic, as I am getting the actual energy from the food compared to when I eat starches I feel really tired.<br /><br />Certain parts of the test indicate that I am low on bacteria that help break the food down during digestion so that the nutrients in the food can be absorbed by the body. I already suspected leaky gut as the cause of the non-absorption based on me being Vitamin D deficient for about five years now and despite taking 15K supplements a day my body still cannot absorb it. I am low on B12 also. Same issue. Chronic low levels of vitamins and/or minerals is a flag for leaky gut. Having read an article on theat is what led me to go down this road to see if I had leaky gut. Most of my deficiencies and my rosacea flare all began after the dog attack with infected bite and two courses of strong antibiotics. I am pegging my leaky gut on that dog bite. The cost of my out of pocket medical expenses for these years of leaky gut testing, diagnosis and care (not to mention the expensive special foods and supplements) has now exceeded the lawsuit settlement amount, for the record.<br /><br />I have been dealing with food changes for 2 years and 9 months trying to fix this.<br /><br />The treatment plan is a special probiotic from the doctor which has these specific bacterium in it. I also have to take digestive enzymes which is tricky as they are required 2 hours before eating to be able to work. I don't eat on a schedule. (Update: the bottle says take with the meal so I am doing that most of the time.) The doctor is making me be very strict about not eating any of the foods that I was allergic to on my 2015 Genova food allergy test. That means my 1-2 servings a week of dairy will be ending as I was +5 reactive (the worst) to dairy.<br /><br />On my own I am adding in fermented foods as those have two of the families of bacterium that I am low on. Daily I have added raw probiotic salsa on top of my breakfast eggs. I am eating pickles and trying to come around to sauerkraut as a side dish.<br /><br />It is really hard living in America with a lot of food restrictions. To sum it up I cannot eat: gluten, wheat, soy, corn, dairy, pecans, walnuts, seafood, or fish. I was a +1 on eggs so eat them now but the doctor said if I am not responding well then I may need to eliminate the eggs also. Eggs are a breakfast food for me and when traveling they and bacon or sausage are often the only foods I can eat in restaurants for breakfast. The Paleo Diet is the thing with a name that most fits what I am allowed to eat, so I am Paleo for health reasons not for a fad and not for its philosophy.<br /><br />I heard all of this with an open mind. I really want to be well and am doing what it takes (although the digestive enzymes thing will be work for me). It is not a good quality of life to live with abdominal pain and cramping and to be stuck near a toilet for 3-6 hours a day with diarrhea, or to live with the discomfort of constipation. Living with IBS is uncomfortable, painful, and makes doing normal activities sometimes impossible. A hard this is you don't know it will be a bad morning until it hits and interrupts your plans. I plan for high productivity but then cannot always work or do household duties.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-33196859033824027662015-10-29T07:24:00.002-05:002015-10-29T07:24:58.645-05:00Joined The PTOI didn't really know what it was going to be like but I jumped right in and joined the PTO. I attended the first and second meetings too. What I have already learned is this:<br /><br />1. The PTO uses funds from membership to deliver programs that help students so the hope is that all families will pay the membership fee. Most do not attend meetings or get involved and tha is okay.<br /><br />2. By attending a PTO meeting you find out about events and things you did not know about by reading the school's newsletter for parents, reading the local newspaper and being told things by your kid. These are either announced, discussed, or are run with help by PTO parents. For example we heard about homecoming details, a big deal graduation night event, a lecture series open to all students about what certain careers are actually like (evening lectures). I found out about a website that promotes student achievement academically, for voc-tech programs, and in all sports and clubs which is not as biased or one-sided as the local newspaper.<br /><br />3. There are jobs very small to large that need volunteers. Two of the easiest were decorating posters to give them some color to attract attention and helping serve cookies and juice at a senior candle lighting ceremony.<br /><br />4. There is a mentor program for adults in our community to work with disadvanged students at an elementary school in another town.<br /><br />Of course being the person I am I have already jumped in to be both a mentor and a volunteer with a leader role (when follower roles for that event were also needed).<br /><br />So far so good and nothing controversial or to complain about. I am glad to be of service. I'm also learning more about what goes on and the principal's portion of the meeting is helping me get to know him.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-22755268070288838712015-10-27T03:00:00.000-05:002015-10-27T03:00:06.964-05:00Had a Microbiome Stool TestOver a year ago I attended a free lecture about nutrition given by my doctor's wellness practice. It was mentioned not as a hard sales pitch that they were now offering a stool test that would analyze the state of your microbiome in your intestines and gives a count of the bacterias which are low, normal, or too high, as well as the candida (yeast) levels. After that is known a customized plan to restore the microbiome can be done.<br /><br />I have been banned from eating certain foods for two years and nine months. My condition has only gotten worse with my body getting new intolerances based on what I am eating suddenly giving an allergic, inflammatory response. Since late spring and all summer I have been dealing with conditions that if reported to my GI doctor would be diagnosed as Irritable Bowel Syndrome. My mother and her mother both had a formal diagnosis of IBS for years and were told there is no life change that can fix it and there is no treatment other than Imodium to stop diarrhea. My IBS is to the point where one teeny serving of a food that bothers me can tie me to my toilet the next day in pain from cramping for four to six hours. Normal daily living is not possible when that attack occurs and I do not want to live that way.<br /><br />So I approached my doctor to ask for the three day stool test (there is a less accurate one day test).<br /><br />I have been waiting almost a month for the results and am excited to get them tomorrow. I want to be well so I am excited to hear the results. My hope is that a customized plan for which probiotics I should take or what foods to eat to help me fix my microbiome so that I can heal my leaky gut hopefully once and for all. If I can heal it then I will stop reacting badly to some foods and would be able to reintroduce some foods back into my diet.<br /><br />I actually have been waiting longer to do this. I was on day three of the test when I suddenly had a UTI and needed to start antibiotics. I was in agony and didn't see any alternative. So I had to throw out the specimens already collected and wait three week after finishing the antibioticst to do a new test. I was also angry that my microbiome was already a mess and I had to take an antibiotic which will just make it worse.<br /><br />I really learned a lot by reading The Microbiome Solution by Robynn Chutkan M.D. and I recommend that everyone read it as things that we are commonly told to do in our daily living are hurting our bodies but no one seems to know it.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-6094407292213122402015-10-26T06:22:00.000-05:002015-10-26T06:22:07.597-05:00Began Advance Meal PlanningI'm in week three and it's been a great success so I decided to share the story. One of the peskiest things for me has been planning dinner meals. I hate doing it, I did not like planning ahead (favoring spontaneity), but sometimes winding up with nothing to eat at dinner time. Since we can now afford to eat dinner out we had been eating out about twice a week but that was hard given my food restrictions.<br /><br />I finally buckled down and decided to do some serious meal planning.<br /><br />I purchased a meal planner journal at Michael's Craft Store. I believe full retail was $4.99 and I used a 40% off coupon.<br /><br />The first time I sat down on a Sunday and planned out dinners for Monday through Friday for the first two weeks. This last time I did one week only. I combined this with a project in which I selected a new cookbook where the theme was to make a pretty fast cooking recipe. Many of the dishes in it had appealing photographs and they are all Paleo so I wanted to try it. (I later found out the prep work can add a lot of time but I digress.)<br /><br />I then shop for everything on Sunday afternoon or Monday morning except for fresh seafood. I also have been trying to use up food in our freezer so that gets taken out the night before or the morning of. (We buy meat on sale or at discount at Costco in bulk.) It is hurricane season here and our family's only prep is to start using up stuff in the freezer.<br /><br />The biggest pain in the neck for me is that I have to pick my son up at practice at the same time that ideal dinner cooking should be happening. We arrive home right when my husband does and he is starving after not having eaten for about seven hours and he wants to eat right away. If the meal is no ready right away he winds up eating "appetizers" then eats a full meal afterwards which I feel gives portion sizes that are too large. All of us are hungry so I am trying to figure this out. My solution that I will try today is to do the prep work (usually cutting up many vegetables or the meat) before leaving and I will lay everything out and have it ready to start the second one of us walks in the door (my husband is a very good cook).<br /><br />I don't know why I resisted this until I was nearly fifty years old. It's working great so far.<br /><br /><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-79180538861979827992015-10-16T07:08:00.000-05:002015-10-16T07:08:25.455-05:00First Parent and Student ConferenceIn September my younger son and I had a conference with one teacher in a Pre-AP class that my son had a poor grade average in. I asked for the conference.<br /><br />I had felt I did not know what I should be guiding or checking on with my son to help him change his ways. Obviously something was wrong but I could not figure out what. The quizzes and tests are collected back and so I have no way to see things such as did he miss memorization of the world map or is he writing poorly? Is he picking too quickly from a multiple choice list or not knowing enough to answer open ended questions?<br /><br />The teacher said my son acted like he didn't care when he got his graded papers back. His response was he doesn't cry or want to show some kind of despair emotion in the class as that's not appropriate mature behavior for a classroom.<br /><br />I found out there is no assigned seating and he sits at the back. Seating is in clusters in this class and he sits with his new girlfriend and her friends. The teacher says he often does not pay attention.<br /><br />Through discussion we learned my son is not doing the projects when time in class was given for project work. He was doing it at home the night before it was due. He was not studying or memorizing except the night before and that was not throrough. He took a test without having read the chapter. He ignores the class work unless there is a quiz or test the next day. On homework like answer questions if he cannot find the answer quickly he leaves it blank. And a project was due the next day that he did not start on and he did not yet own the office materials needed for it nor did he have a concept for the presentation even! It was a five hour project the teacher said. So he had to skip sport practice and cram the project that night.<br /><br />The teacher asked what she can do to help and he asked to meet with her once a week to check in with him to see how he is doing. So once a week he goes to "tutorials" after school to meet with her.<br /><br />I do not think the material is hard. My son is just not being organized, not using good time management, not doing all the reading, and is not studying or memorizing.<br /><br />I was impressed by this teacher and her high standards of expectations in this advanced class.<br /><br />So far our experience at this public school has been great, I don't know what I was worrying about in the past about using public school here. In this case it is my son who is not working to his potential, the ball is in his court. He was not cooperating with me with homeschooling so why this should be a surprise to me I do not know.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-58260122588979576852015-10-08T22:33:00.000-05:002015-10-08T22:33:12.386-05:00Holding You Child Back a GradeI am starting to regret not holding my younger son back a grade this year. I thought the transition from private school grade nine to public school grade ten would be a bit rough but do-able. I underestimated the challenge.<br /><br />I was unprepared at registration day to hear the outcome of what credits were accepted or not. Instead of taking six classes this year they made him take eight. I thought if he was motivated this would be alright. Also four core classes are honors or Pre-AP which I felt his smart brain could handle.<br /><br />I now wish I had just forced my son to start public high school as a ninth grader taking six classes. The smaller load and the expectations of grade nine would have been easier. For example I found out at Open House Night that the Pre-AP English grade ten is a continuation of the groundwork laid in Pre-AP English grade nine. So my son missed some key things like the specific ways they analyze literature. I know feel he would have been better off either in Pre-AP English grade nine or in level english grade ten.<br /><br />My son did not want to stay back and he said he was alright with the heavy load. He is fluctuating with three grades between a C and a D and he is failing one class (geography). He says there is time to make it up before the end of the quarter but as each day goes on and the grades are slipping in some cases but rising in others I don't know if it's doable.<br /><br />If you are homeschooling and you are thinking about using school I highly recommend holding your child back one grade to give them time to learn. I used to think that was optional for all but I now think it's a great idea for all. I regret taking my son's lead on this and doing what he wanted and what he said would make him happy. I should have just forced him to stay back and dealt with his anger and disappointment with me. Instead now he is dealing with feelings of disappointment and frustration with himself. Also his math alignment is screwed up and he will be taking Algebra II in grade 11 so his performance on the SAT in the junior year is in jeopardy.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-23354673625174058132015-10-02T07:37:00.000-05:002015-10-02T07:37:10.248-05:00No More Time For Video GamesAs predicted my younger son has no more time for video games now that he is in public school in grade ten.<br /><br />He wakes up at 5:30 for a very short workout (it should be longer per the coach). He showers, gets dressed, eats breakfast, gathers his lunch, and heads out the door by 6:20. He has a study period after school before the carpool but he chooses to socialize with teammates instead. He goes to practice and gets home at seven. He showers and eats dinner quickly and starts homework by 7:30. I don't feel he is doing enough studying as evidenced by not all As and two present failing grades so what that means is he is asleep by 9:30 or ten. He texts with friends but plays no games at night. He does not watch TV at night anymore on his iPhone either. He just wants to sleep. All in all he is getting 7.5-8 hours of sleep a night, not what doctors say a teen needs but they also say exercise is good for teens so you can't do it all.<br /><br />I say good riddance to the video games. Now if only my older son would focus in the same manner.<br /><br />Younger son also sees the amount of work they are churning out and the fast rush though the topics, especially the speed through science and history. They are in week six and already on the third book for literary analysis in English. He now realizes the difference in load from public school compared to his former IB school and also to homeschooling middle school which he now thinks was laid back and easy. He questions why he did not cooperate and why he resisted me. He loves school and the social aspects and is happy to be there.<br /><br />The only way to succeed with homeschooling high school is with a cooperative student and it is even better if they are self-motivated and have an internal drive to learn and do what the rigor of classes requires. It is even better if they have natural curiosities and enjoy learning about some topics just for fun. If you have to drag your kid through homeschool high school kicking and screaming and fighting and resisting that is not a quality of life that anyone should want to or have to live with; just send them to school and let the school teach them.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-1516693530827246442015-10-01T14:07:00.000-05:002015-10-01T14:07:16.389-05:00My Son Takes The BusAs a female I had bad experiences on the school bus but there were also times of neutrality. I also experienced some years of being in the dominant group of controlling bullies. It was a mixed bag but overall my memories were negative. The earlier years were fine but by seventh grade it started to get nasty and by high school the most bothersome was being groped on all the sexual parts of my body as I walked down the aisle and the catcalls and begging for sexual acts. My solution was varied. For a year I walked a half mile to the bus stop of my friend then sat with her the whole time instead of being at my own bus stop with horny beggars. When I was a senior my mother let me take her car sometimes. I also would walk a quarter mile to the last chance stop of the route to catch it at the end so twenty minutes of torture was cut off.<div><br /></div><div>So this year my son is in public school for the first time. I shuttled him to private school both ways last year and it was not fun for me but I had no choice. We decided to make him take the bus. Almost every one of my friends here drives their kid to school to shelter them from drugs or bullies. My thought is a boy in grade ten should be able to fend off the bullies. I was unsure if drugs really are present on our bus. One friend says it depends on which neighborhood you live in. This bus goes to wealthy neighborhoods and to low income apartment complexes on the edge of our district, not in our actual town in a lower income town, as the last stop. </div><div><br /></div><div>There is no drug activity on the bus. In the mornings my son waits at the bus stop without parental supervision. Two older girls live next door but their mother sits in her car watching over them before she heads off to work. My son walks to the bus stop alone (five minute walk). They stand in the dark and the girls ignore my son. On the bus my son gets to sit alone. He said no one talks on the bus at all. The kids listen to their iPods and they all sleep. It is still dark when the bus is taking them to school. Homeroom bell is at 7:10. </div><div><br /></div><div>I wake up in the morning when my husband is still here. We both make sure our son is awake and getting out the door. The one day last week I chose to sleep in he was late and my husband drove him which meant my husband was late for work. I had not been sleeping well and my husband knew I needed sleep so they did not tell me until later that it happened. I was grateful he was thoughtful and let me sleep but I felt badly that his workday was hut while I could have taken our son in. I am not functioning well on the amount of less sleep to get up when my son gets up. My health is suffering and I am looking for ways to make this work for me. </div><div><br /></div><div>Four afternoons we have a carpool to sports practice. The numbers of parents driving their kids to this school of 3250 student is insane. It backs up traffic a half mile down the road. We schedule ou carpool to 45 minutes after school lets out. This means the line with the cones is gone by then. It is an easy drive in and pick up. I only drive once a week. I am so grateful for the carpool. This means I am no longer doig the drive to practice every day. I only do the pick up at the end of practice. I have gained more time in my afternoon now, it's glorioius. It also makes dinner prep possible.</div><div><br /></div><div>My son takes the bus home one day a week. No bad things happen on the way home either. I do not understand why so many kids are driven to and from school when there is no proof that problems still occur. One family had a problem fifteen years ago with the older sibling so they never let the younger boy try the bus. Maybe you think I am a harsh mother but I want my fifteen year old to stand up for himself and cope in the world so I want him on the bus. If that makes me a bad mom so be it. </div><div><br /></div><div>For eighteen years of my life I was a 24/7 homeschooling mother and so I don't feel that giving this fifteen year old a normal typical common life experience like taking the school bus is me being a slacker mom. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-34949926884136373922015-09-28T17:39:00.004-05:002015-09-28T17:39:45.031-05:00IdentityLately I am having more moments where I ask myself who am I, what am I doing and why?<br /><br />I have been meeting a lot of new people since July and so it comes up. Do you work? What do you do with your time since you do not work? They look me over, up and down.<br /><br />Women my age are in three categories.<br /><br />1. Naturally aging and plump.<br /><br />2. Naturally aging and fitness fanatics with great bodies.<br /><br />3. Cosmetic surgery altered and all dolled up, this usually goes with facial changes, big boobs and a svelte body. I guess when you spend tens of thousands on your face and boobs there is pressure to keep up the rest of your body.<br /><br />I am number one if you had not figured it out by whatever you know of me by reading this blog.<br /><br />Due to the weather here fitness is a bigger thing for adults than it is in New England. Up there everyone expects everyone else to be lazy all winter and gain ten or fifteen pounds in that season. Down here we have air conditioned gyms or in home gyms for the unbearable hot and humid summer and then the other three seasons are for outdoor workouts if that is your thing. We more runners here than I ever knew existed. Road races, triathalons and even the IronMan competition is held in our town. Talk about making you feel like a lazy piece of sh** to see people running a full marathon plus biking a hundred miles after starting the day with a swim. They do this usually in 90+ degree heat while I'm sitting at home in the AC relaxing.<br /><br />This is a weird time for me. The year of the teen living at home going to community college where I'm his mom and we have house rules but he is feeling his oats and wanting no curfew and other freedoms allowed to college students who live on campus. This is the year of adjusting to my younger in public school and trying to help him succeed yet me not really knowing what is going on or how to assist him. On the one hand they don't need me as much but on the other neither of them is an independent being yet.<br /><br />I have a major block about going to the gym. I just have not gotten into that routine. I need to. I want to. I have been thinking and pondering on it. I have lost seventeen pounds in the last couple of months due to dietary changes (pretty much Paleo) due to doctor's orders for pre-diabetes and food intolerances with leaky gut. I feel good and now I think I might be ready to get into shape. I have the time now, that is no longer preventing me. I just need to get into a rhythm and a flow and find what classes are worth going to and which parts of my workout I will do alone. I do not like working out alone though, it's boring and I have poor accountability with just my own self. For that reason I am considering joining a running group. I do well with positive peer pressure and with schedules and when I know people are expecting me to show up and to perform, I will rise to the occasion and do it. Two new neighbor friends go to that other more expensive gym in town, so maybe I will quit mine and go over there, I don't know.<br /><br />Rounding out the discussion I should address my marriage. This is the time in some marriages when the spouses divorce due to the change with an empty nest approaching. However I feel closer to my husband now than ever. We have been through a lot. We are a united front on almost everything in our lives. We do know what of the other bothers us or is imperfect but knowing those things and being accepted despite them is a good thing. We are getting more worn out and tired. When things happen (with other people not us) it wears us down, We look at each other and we agree that we want peace and kindness and harmony and love. We do not want drama and problems. We deal with whatever is going on and we try to move back to where life is effortless and comfortable. I guess that is what happens when you are right around fifty, you just want harmony. So when the world is stressful and crazy or illogical or bizarre we look at each other and say, "Thank God I have you as you are normal to me and a safe and good place to hide from the crazy world with."<br /><br /><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-6670364232550538622015-09-20T15:41:00.002-05:002015-09-20T15:42:46.804-05:00Coping With Stress Part 1There is so much advice flowing everywhere in America. Self-help books promise us joy if only we do what they advise. I don't think enough is said about coping with problems in life that are not in our control. The self-help books simplify it too much..<br /><br />The positivity movement also spins a lie that if you have a good intention then only good will happen. If you want a thing to happen you must be open to it and state the intention then it will happen but if you are negative in attitude the universe will not give it to you. That is a bunch of baloney. The fact is sometimes life deals us situations that are not ideal and we have no choice but to learn to cope with it as some types of problems will never go away or end, no matter how much we will it or want it. Not everything is within our control.<br /><br />I was raised by my parents to think that indeed I was in control of everything and thus if the decision was good then good would happen and if I made a bad choice then bad would happen and I'd have to live with it. That is false, the notion that we control everything is a big fat lie. The atheist home I was raised in deprived me of a coping mechanism to accept that a good amount of what we experience in life is beyond our control. In contrast if you believe in a higher power of some kind, it is freeing to accept that larger forces are at work and when we believe in a higher power we have someone to lean on and the power of prayer to help lift us up when we feel helpless and that the current in our life is going in a bad direction but we have no power to change it no matter how hard we try. Thus prayer and leaning on religion can help save us from destruction, despair or peril.<br /><br />In this series of blog posts I am going to write off the top of my head about ways that Americans cope with stress, the good and the bad. There is no one right way to cope but there are some bad or very wrong ways to try to cope that can wind up being more destructive than the original situation that the person is trying to get a break from or to detach from.<br /><br /><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-23175839671827835202015-09-16T08:32:00.000-05:002015-09-16T08:32:00.310-05:00Attended Parent Open HouseIn week two of school my husband and I attended the parent open house night. This was the first thing like this I ever attended so it was all new to me. We were told via email to print the attached form and fill in the blanks with our child's schedule then to bring that with us.<br /><br />We basically moved to each classroom on our son's schedule. Including with the bell ringing. We had ten minutes (only) to hear the spiel the teacher wanted to give. These ranged from off the cuff relaxed talks with time for Q&A to very detailed PowerPoint presentations. The handouts ranged from many paged to none. I had brought the contracts and syllabi with me. In some cases no syllabus was given to the student but we were handed it.<br /><br />We walked away having learned a few things.<br /><br />1. It is vital to attend these if you want your student to succeed. We found out some things to help the student learn that our son said he was never told. More was said orally than is on the handouts they gave the students. For example the free tutoring was explained and also one class puts all the teacherr's notes online every day.<br /><br />2. We have the email of each teacher and they all encouraged communication between parent and teacher, and student and teacher.<br /><br />3. The grading policy and the test retaking policy was explained.<br /><br />4. The process for how to handle work due on a day that the student will be absent or how to handle coming back when out for being sick was explained. This is not so easy to handle.<br /><br />5. I asked which textbook he needed to bring to class vs. which classes had an in-class textbook to use. (This is so different from when we were in school.) This is important as I could not find a backpack that was large enough to hold all the required binders and papers plus the textbooks. They simply do not make one that large!<br /><br />6. We got a sense for the personalities of the teachers. One seems overly strict and not nice but she has intentions of rigorous learning. We will see if our son can handle that level of rigor in this Pre-AP class. Time will tell. All the teachers seemed to really want the kids to learn. None seemed burned out unlike a bunch of teachers I had in public school. One looked to be only 24 or 25 and she seemed the most enthusiastic and was using the new online portal to the maximum capability.<br /><br />---<br /><br />We were really glad we attended. We are trying to learn the systems in the school so we can help our son navigate. He doesn't need us to dictate it all but sometimes we know a thing he did not know about so it helps that we have this information to help guide him.<div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631925.post-80080105960055819502015-09-15T08:20:00.000-05:002015-09-15T08:20:44.328-05:00Attended Student OrientationSince my son was a newly enrolled student I attende orientation with him. The school has 3850 students so they held two sessions, a different day for grades nine and ten than for eleven and twelve. An emailed added on to the agenda the taking of the yearbook photograph so we had to think about state of the haircut and what shirt to wear. <div><br /></div><div>We went in the morning not knowing what to expect. He was handed a sheet with ten steps at the main desk. It said to go to each station in the order it was on the sheet. This was also the release of the schedule. Basically we did things like pick up his textbooks, get the student ID photo taken and the ID given out, browse school clubs, pay for lunches, so forth and so on. It went pretty smoothly exccept for an issue of having been charged for the wrong grade's vocabulary text. </div><div><br /></div><div>After all that I made my son find all his classes. He did not feel this was necessary. Passing time is seven minutes and you need it all to move from one end of this huge school to the other. I think I walked a couple of miles in this process although since they are making him take some freshman classes, those are clustered in the freshman wing so those are short walks. </div><div><br /></div><div>We opened the locker which was oddly tricky. </div><div><br /></div><div>It was not until a few weeks later that we got an email saying many had messed up the photo shoot for the yearbook and apparently it was in another room without being on the list and no signs around. So the photo my son had taken was only the ID photo not the yearbook. Oh well. Photo makeup day is coming up next month. </div><div class="blogger-post-footer">copyright 2005-2009 The Thinking Mother</div>ChristineMMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388497877158577422noreply@blogger.com0