Sweet Melissa

Dear Mayor Newsom: A Modest Proposal

2009-11-05T08:13:56-08:00

Aloha, Mistermayor!

I have heard from several people close to your campaign that you hate old-school fundraising, preferring instead to tweet, preach and otherwise engender mass crushes in the hopes that checks will be forthcoming. Several of those people have told me that you dropped out of the governor’s race because your detached method wasn’t going to work on a California scale.

Honestly, this may be the coolest thing I’ve ever heard about you.

Who wants to spend all their time giving some potential contributor “the girlfriend experience,” pretending to be amused by their dumb jokes and saying they look dashing in that tie? “Have you been working out?” you have to ask while squeezing their flabby biceps, feigning astonishment and hoping for a large donation.

Bah. I don’t blame you for taking a pass.

The curse is that you seem to have an ego that will prevent you from going gently into that good night when you are termed out as mayor in January 2012. How do you move to another office without having to do the dirty, flirty work of fundraising? And what office would that be?

Being lieutenant governor isn’t worth moving to Sacramento since it basically requires you to be the John Oates to the governor, who gets to be Daryl Hall.

Mistermayor, you’re no John Oates.

If only there were a position that would allow you to maintain your position in The Big Deal Club. Let us imagine the perfect job for you...

Your current and former employees seem to agree that you are a political dork who loves to ruminate on policy possibilities. Indeed, it feels like every day your office issues a news release about a green initiative seemingly conjured up by European political science students. The local politicking required to deal with potholes and crime don’t appear to be of interest to you, so let’s work with that. Your dream job should also reward the fact that, like a new iPhone, you easily provide up to eight hours of talk time.

Mistermayor, I humbly suggest the United States Senate.

I know, I know, you’d never run against our current senators, Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein. But what if Feinstein decides it’s not a good idea to leave the gubernatorial hopes of the California Democratic Party in the hands of Jerry Brown, a man whose 40 years of political eccentricities will be trotted out in Technicolor by Republicans come next fall? (Granted, Feinstein just got her dream job as chairwoman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, but that’s a renewable two-year appointment ending in January 2011 — right about the time she would be sworn in as governor.)

Feinstein is perhaps the only Democrat who can win a governor’s race, especially if you come through with the young’uns by getting all your Twitter followers on Team Diane. In exchange for the sorority vote, if elected governor, Feinstein could then appoint you to serve out the remainder of her term, which ends in 2013. You wouldn’t even have to fundraise!

So, there’s my idea, free of charge.

However, if you decide to go with this suggestion, it would be great if you would let me be the first to break the news.

(Ahem.)

Did I mention you look dashing in that tie?

-Melissa

Kellogg crackles under pressure from attorney’s ‘prove it’ letter

2009-11-05T08:09:21-08:00

‘Now helps support your child’s IMMUNITY” has been played across the front of Cocoa Krispies since May of this year. Apparently, Kellogg’s was banking on large numbers of scared, gullible parents overlooking the fact that the box contains tiny puffs of chocolate and instead thinking their child would be safe from the swine flu thanks to Snap, Crackle and Pop.

Last week, City Attorney Dennis Herrera issued a letter to Kellogg’s and to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration asking for evidence to substantiate the immunity claim. (Here's a .pdf Download KELLOGG-LETTER.) Indeed, the cereal does claim to have added more vitamins A, C and E, which help boost immunity. However, because every food contains some nutrients (even Skittles, thank goodness), whether or not the additional vitamins would make a real difference in a child’s immunity is not at all clear.

On Wednesday, Kellogg’s announced that it will stop marketing the sugar globs as health food. This is a good thing.

Congratulations are in order for Herrera’s office, but before we go giving him all the credit for this idea allow me to point out that back in September East Bay resident Roy Werbel filed a similar lawsuit in federal court against the Kellogg Co. His allegation? That he was misled into believing that the loops in Froot Loops actually contained fruit. (.pdf of complaint here: Download Froot Loops Complaint.)

Just wait until someone figures out Golden Grahams are not made of gold.

BONUS: SFWeekly has been following the Froot Loop suit here, here, and here.

Little quirks that make SF elections so interesting

2009-11-05T08:05:27-08:00

On Election Day, about 15 percent of registered voters went to the polls and sent a very interesting message: We’re fine with selling the naming rights to Candlestick Park (Proposition C passed), and we are happy to ban more advertising on other city-owned property (Proposition E passed).

With no formal opposition, changes to The City’s budget system (Proposition A) passed easily. The real surprise is that Proposition B — lifting the limit on staff for supervisors — passed. This type of measure failed twice before. (In 2000 and 2004.)

The other interesting fact about the election is the difference between the number of votes cast for each candidate and proposition. According to the numbers from the Department of Elections, about 15,000 people came to the polls just to vote for one or two things and then left the others blank. About 500 people just came to vote on Proposition D, the mid-Market Street sign proposal that failed.

November '09 Voter Guide: Prop D is not the answer

2009-11-02T14:39:22-08:00

Constant Readers,

Prop D is dumb. Please don't vote for it.

First things first...

In a nutshell, Prop D lifts the Citywide limit on the size of advertising signs on Market Street between 5th and 7th streets. It sets new, and much more liberal limits on signage. A percentage of revenue from the sale of new advertising space are supposed to be used for several cool things like arts education and a ticket booth. All of this is supposed to revitalize the area. (Here's a pdf. of Prop D Download Mid-Market Special Sign District - Legal Text.)

Sounds good right? It certainly does! Which brings me to my next point...

Most people and organizations that favor Prop D are not dumb. I think they (like me) want to do something about the problems in the Tenderloin. People in favor of Prop D just think this is worth a shot.

I don't.

Here's why:

1. Light it up? Brightly-lit areas aren't going to help businesses in the area so long as people are panhandling, shooting-up and otherwise making the area undesirable. When I first wrote about this measure, I got an email from a chauffeur saying, "Cleaning up Market St. starts with a positive but firm policy on the homeless issue...If they want to brighten up Market St, start at sidewalk level." Couldn't have said it better myself.

2. The CBD will be up in everyone's grill and for no good reason. Prop D gives a lot of control to the Central Market Community Benefit District. The "CBD" board is made up of 5 central market property owners, 2 merchants, 2 representatives from Community Based Organizations, and 1 resident.

Under Prop D, the CBD:

(a) collects and controls all money collected from owners who sell ad space

(b) sets minimum criteria for all new, big ol' signs

3. Those last two powers are likely to get us sued. See, out constitutional freedom of speech means that: if you have sign space and I buy it, no one can tell me I can't hang my sign there except under very limited circumstances. The City, by giving the power to the CBD to tell people what is and isn't tasteful enough to be hung on mid-Market buildings, would likely be violating the state and federal constitutions.

4. The "fund" that the CBD gets to control is sketchy. The way Prop D is set up, owners of property that is "substantially used as an arts activity or space" (whatever that means) have to pay 20% of the revenue from selling ad space on their buildings to a fund. Non-art space owners have to pay 40% of revenue from ad space sales to that fund.

What comes from The Fund? Well, first and foremost, CBD staffing and administrative costs, which I'm sure won't be inflated at all. Not one bit.

Then, it is to be used to pay for some "Youth Program" that is pretty much undefined except to say that it is for youth arts and culture education. No potential for funneling to pet projects there. No sireee.

Finally, the CBD "may" decide to build a ticket booth at Hallidie Plaza. Or not. It's up to the CBD.

5. Basically anything goes. Video signs, rotating signs, inflatable signs, projection signs, "wind signs," and any other nonsense can go up (provided the CBD says it's ok) - though there are some limitations. Billboards can't be more than 500 square feet, but line up a few of those suckers and we're looking at 2000 square feet.

I used to live in Times Square (the corner of 43rd and 8th) so I'm no hater of big-ass signs and flashing lights that make it feel like daytime 24/7. But I'm just saying: property owners who are in good with the CBD get to do all sorts of shit, and with little accountability. And woe be unto you if the CBD don't like you. I'm sure CBD folks are very nice, but there's no appeal process and while The Fund is supposed to be subject to an annual accounting, there's no recourse for anyone even if the spending is completely crazy.

I'm frustrated, too. But let's not let our frustration lead us to endorse this scheme.

--Melissa

Exit Stage Left - Thoughts on Gavin's Departure

2009-10-30T22:34:32-07:00

Constant Readers,

All the good shit seems to happen when I'm out of town. A few hours ago, I got about a dozen text messages telling me Gavin quit the race to be California's next governor. (Many thanks to everyone who thought to tell me!)

Honestly, I'm very surprised. I knew there were rumors out there, but no one (least of all me) seemed to be able to substantiate them.

My friends out here on the East Coast don't care about any of this, so now that they are crashed out for the night, here are some thoughts:

1) Back on September 15, iloveyougavinnewsom.com wrote that "anonymous sources say that there will be an 'I am quitting the governor’s race so I can spend more time with my family' press release, sometime this fall." Damn. I mean: DAMN! Those guys are good. If that site says you're gonna get hit by a bus, just call into work and get back under the covers.

2) I wonder if Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi will stop demanding information about the cost of Gavin's security detail while out on the campaign trail now? I asked, but haven't heard back yet. Shockingly, Ross has better things to do with his Friday nights than answer my emails.

3) Will Gavin hafta give all the money back? No.

According to the most recent filings, NEWSOM FOR CALIFORNIA - GOVERNOR 2010 has raised about $3 million dollars. (That number only includes contributions up to June 30, 2009 - so any recent money from Clinton's support, etc., isn't included.) Those filings also show that he had spent about $2.2 million of that money.

With that unspent money, he can either can (a) use it for another state or local (but not federal) race, (b) give it to charities (which I hear is what he did with the money left over from his earlier Supe races), (c) give it to ballot measures or other candidates, or (d) a combo of the above.

4) Will he run for Lt. Governor? All the folks I know who know him say "No." They all say he's too interested in a job that will allow him to continue policy-making, and Lt. Gov. won't allow that kind of fun. Then again, these are the same people who said he wouldn't drop out of the race, so what the hell do they know?

5) Jerry Brown is it? And also: Yay?

I'm still not sure what to think of this man. Each time I've seen him speak, he rambles on like a crazy person. I'm relatively new to California, so I don't remember him losing to Carter, Clinton or Pete Wilson, or winning races for speaker, governor, mayor and attorney general. But in this age of YouTube and Flip Phones, etc., I wonder if Brown's cavalier manner of speaking will lead to his own "Like it or Not" moment.

Have a great weekend, y'all! There's supposed to be more news related to this issue coming out on Sunday.

-Melissa

Dispatches From the Women's Conference 2009

2009-10-29T11:41:27-07:00

Entering the sprawling main hall of Women’s Conference 2009 in Long Beach on Monday, what was first noticeable were the humongous, cultish banners that adorned all the upper walls. At about 15-by-30, each featured an Andy Warhol-like portrait of a speaker with a singular name underneath. Madeleine Albright was simply “Madeleine” and — hopefully for the first and last time — was stuck between “Ashton” (Kutcher) and “Katie” (Couric).

Lowering my eyes to scan the floor of the room, I witnessed a jumbled mess of exhibits hawking purses, jewelry, clothes and makeup, including Genie serum that promised to erase “10 years in two minutes,” which was doing a brisk business. Sure, there were booths geared toward charity and economic empowerment, but none were as popular as the Lean Cuisine tasting center (like anyone there hadn't tried LC before) or the charm-bracelet display.

To top it all off, the loudspeakers were blasting a speech by Jillian Michaels seemingly entitled “Listen to Your Feelings.” Within an hour, the sheer propensity and enormity of my eye-rolls had nearly resulted in a sprained optical nerve.

Walking past both the Hot Flashes Pajamas booth and the complimentary bra fitting station (not making those up), I found the Paula Deen presentation. Mizz Paula holds a special place in my heart because her accent, demeanor and appearance are eerily reminiscent of my own mother. Not only does she use “y’all” liberally but she properly pronounces the word “div-oar-ced.” Her message at the conference? “If you’ve got a passion, nothing can stop you.”

Oh Lord, y’all. Even Paula was uninteresting.

I wondered if all participants have to surrender their butt-kicker credentials at the door. The only comic relief during Deen's presentation was offered by the unintentionally hilarious interviewer Martha Beck who at one point cheerfully offered, “You can do the laundry in a state of fear or in a state of inspiration!” and later called Deen a “big ball of fun.”

Maybe it was just me. Maybe my years at a women’s college made me some sort of “feminisnob” because I was surprised that a women’s conference seemed to relegate substantive information to the outer crust of the event, while the center was filled with pink goo in the form of a large Barbie display and manicure station.

I left Monday night and ranted to my best friend from college about having to attend The Emotional Nerf Conference.

All that changed Tuesday when David Gregory from “Meet the Press” moderated a panel that included Madeleine Albright. The discussion began with a “Meet the Press” clip from some 20 years ago. In it, the host basically said that women are the master manipulators of men and asked Gloria Steinem why we don’t bend the minds of husbands and sons to get the freedom we want. (Even in that ostensible Den of Objectivity — the press room — groans and laughter rang out.)

Gregory turned to Albright, who said such a question would not even be asked today and if it did, “The answer might begin with an ‘F.’” Hells yeah! Finally! Someone was speaking in sentences that couldn’t be embroidered on a pillow. Although her later statement — “I think there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other” — would look lovely in cross stitch.

The day just got more interesting from there. Who better than the unapologetically brilliant (and bankrupt) Annie Leibovitz to discuss the importance of controlling one’s own finances? And how about a session on grief that included Patrick Swayze’s widow? Or hearing Somaly Mam, child prostitute-turned-activist, discuss the ways in which people can make their voices heard? Tuesday was truly fascinating.

Taken as a whole, the conference organizers (headed up by California first lady Maria Shriver) threw so many options into the mix — dolls and congresswomen, beauty creams and media moguls, diet foods and activists — that there was something for everyone. Even this feminisnob.

Vive la différence!

November 09 Voter Guide Summary

2009-10-29T10:52:27-07:00

Constant Readers,

I voted yesterday at City Hall because I'm off to the East Coast for a week or so. I'm proudly sporting my "I Voted" sticker today, much to the confusion of other locals in the airport. In fact, Election Day is Tuesday and with City Attorney Dennis Herrera and City Treasurer Jose Cisneros both running unopposed, all that’s left to decide are some ballot propositions — many of which I have written about previously. My mother collects my pages, but I don’t expect y’all to do the same. Here are the summaries:

Oh, and check out this endorsement chart. Neato!

Proposition A — budget reform: Instead of a giant leap to change San Francisco’s budget process, we got this collection of small steps. It’s better than nothing, so go ahead and vote in favor.

Proposition B — legislative aides: Lifting the two-person mandate on the number of staff members each city supervisor can employ may be worth supporting, if a new cap is put in its place. However, the measure removes all limitations. Vote for this if you trust supervisors to make fair and prudent decisions about how many aides they each get, based on budgetary constraints. (Stop laughing.) Vote against this if you are not, in fact, a supervisor.

Proposition C — Candlestick Park naming rights: Vote for this if you want to send a gesture to the Niners that we will help them make money if they stay in San Francisco. Vote against this if you believe we should only sell the name of The ’Stick if it would fetch a lot more than the anticipated $700,000, or if you believe a different kind of gesture toward the Niners is in order.

Proposition D — mid-Market Street sign district: Vote for this if you believe that lighting up problem areas will make criminals, drug users and homeless people scatter like cockroaches. Vote against this if you agree that something must be done in the mid-Market Street corridor, but think this poorly written cash cow for sign companies and building owners is not the answer. [Note: I have been working on a long piece about this and plan to have it up in a few days. I voted against it.]

Proposition E — limiting advertising on city-owned property: Vote for this if you don’t want public buildings and street furniture to be so covered in ads that they resemble NASCAR vehicles. Vote against this if you figure no unsentimental city property should be off limits as a moneymaker. [I voted against this one, but I don't think it'll make much a difference either way.]

FOR MORE INFO: Some of my favorite voter guides: League of Pissed Off Voters, SPUR, and League of Women Voters.

-Melissa

Bored of Supervisors: Quote of the Meeting

2009-10-29T10:15:47-07:00

“There are so many people who are urging the world for peace that I think it is important that we stand with [them].”

— Supervisor John Avalos, trying to explain the need for the Board of Supervisors to pass a resolution urging the U.S. to pull troops out of Afghanistan. The resolution passed, despite “no” votes by supervisors Michela Alioto-Pier, Carmen Chu and Sean Elsbernd. (Resolution .pdf here: Download Afghanistan Resolution.)

Also on Tuesday, the board passed a resolution “Supporting Irish Unification” and gave final approval for a law sending a total of $150,000 in aid to Indonesia, Samoa and the Philippines. Here are the resolutions in .pdf: Download Irish Unification and Download Philippines Samoa Indonesia

Bored of Supervisors: Quotes of the Meeting

2009-10-29T10:15:45-07:00

“There are so many people who are urging the world for peace that I think it is important that we stand with [them].”

— Supervisor John Avalos, trying to explain the need for the Board of Supervisors to pass a resolution urging the U.S. to pull troops out of Afghanistan. The resolution passed, despite “no” votes by supervisors Michela Alioto-Pier, Carmen Chu and Sean Elsbernd. (Resolution .pdf here: Download Afghanistan Resolution.)

Santuary City Fight Won't Really Get Dicey Until The Holidays

2009-10-22T10:12:51-07:00

In news of the expected, the Board of Supervisors passed a new sanctuary city law proposed by Supervisor David Campos.

Under the ordinance, law enforcement will be required to notify federal immigration authorities about suspected undocumented youths only after conviction of a felony or grand jury indictment as an adult for a felony. Presently, such notification takes place at the time of arrest.

The measure passed with a vote of 8-2, with Supervisors Sean Elsbernd and Carmen Chu voting no. (Supervisor Michela Alioto-Pier was not at Tuesday’s meeting, but had voted against the ordinance in committee.)

People on both sides of the sanctuary city debate are all fired up about this development, but no one should expect a policy change any time soon.

First, board rules require that the law be voted on a second time next Tuesday. (Don’t ask why — just trust me on this.) Second, Mistermayor has 10 days to veto the ordinance, which his spokesman Joe Arellano confirmed he will do. The board then has 30 days to override that veto, and with eight solid votes in favor of the ordinance, you can bet that will happen well before the deadline. Finally, local laws go into effect 30 days after a veto override, so it will be around mid-December before any changes could happen. (Board Rules 2.18, 2.18.3, and 2.20 referenced. pdf. of Board Rules here: Download Board of Supervisors Rules of Order.)

Given the mayor’s stated opposition to enforcing the law once it is finally on the books, there will surely be fireworks. Just in time for the new year.

QUOTE OF THE MEETING:

While we have done what we could on plastic bags so far at this tier, I believe that we now need to tackle paper bags.

- Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi is introducing legislation to require a 10 cent rebate for each person who uses their own bag when purchasing items from those stores already subject to the plastic bag ban. Tackling paper bags sounds fun! I smell a flash mob...

[No, I don't know why this got so effed up in the print version]

-Melissa