The Skunk

NRA’s LaPierre: ‘Anti-Sodomy Law Must Exclude Guns’

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:32:47 PDT

RICHMOND, VA (TheSkunk.org) — As Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli attempts to bring anti-sodomy laws back to his state, NRA Chief Wayne LaPierre warned that any such law must contain an exclusion for guns. America’s top gun lobbyist said he will strongly oppose “any law forbidding us from sodomizing ourselves with our own firearms.” “The [...]

The Mitch McConnell Firearms Loophole

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 15:12:13 PDT

NRA: If Bombing Victims Had Their Own Bombs, They Could Have Fought Back

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 14:58:58 PDT

BOSTON (TheSkunk.org) — NRA Chief Wayne LaPierre told reporters today that if the victims of the Boston Marathon bombing had been carrying their own bombs, they would have had a chance to fight back at the attackers and prevent much of the carnage. “They only thing that stops a bad guy with a bomb is [...]

U.S. Surrenders to North Korea

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 17:37:07 PDT

“The time has come when we must let go of the values we held dear from our past and embrace new ones,” said Obama, “values that will be instilled into each of us by our new Supreme Leader at a time and place of his choosing.”

GOP: New Fonts Will Attract Voters

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 16:14:04 PDT

“People want the GOP to stop using the same old typeface,” explained Reince Priebus, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, “and replace it with something that is more visually alluring.”

North Dakota Bill Allows Fetuses to Own Guns

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 10:41:21 PDT

North Dakota became the first state on Monday to pass fetal firearm legislation, which extends 2nd Amendment rights to the unborn.

Boy Scouts to Remove ‘Friendly, Courteous, Kind’ from Scout Law

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 00:01:20 PDT

“As a private organization, we can legally discriminate against anyone,” said BSA Executive Vice President Leonard Moffatt. “For example, if we thought the Jewish boys were getting too powerful, we could ban them altogether.”

Mitt Romney ‘Shellshocked’ After Losing Papal Election to Argentine Socialist

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 19:08:24 PDT

According to a senior adviser, Romney was “shellshocked” upon learning that he lost the papacy to Jorge Mario Bergoglio, now known as Pope Francis.

Rand Paul Pisses on Floor of Senate Chamber for 13 Hours

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 10:28:01 PST

Paul said the purpose of his marathon urination session was to delay the vote on the confirmation of John Brennan as CIA director, by “making the Senate floor really uncomfortable to walk on.”

LaPierre Plan Would Allow Infants to Purchase Guns

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 23:10:39 PST

NRA chief Wayne LaPierre proposed eliminating the minimum age requirement for purchasing firearms.

Wayne LaPierre ‘Terrified’ by Guns

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 23:02:31 PST

NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre told reporters Thursday that he is “absolutely terrified” by guns and has never fired one in his entire life.

Producers of ‘Argo’ to Digitally Replace Ben Affleck with Better Actor

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 00:40:39 PST

Producers of the Academy Award nominated film Argo have decided to use digital technology to replace Ben Affleck with another, better actor.

Man Who Watched Entire Dorner Saga Unfold on TV Claims Reward Money

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 13:27:41 PST

An unemployed bartender who watched the entire Dorner investigation on TV was the recipient of the $1 million reward.

Princess Offers a Place to Poo

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 14:27:41 PST

At Carnival, Every Deck is a Poop Deck

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 11:27:01 PST

Carnival Cruise Line's new "Go Where You Are" policy allows passengers to complete their business wherever they are on the ship.

Pope Offered Job as Tobacco Lobbyist

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 18:49:41 PST

Ending days of speculation on what Pope Benedict XVI will be doing in retirement now that he has announced his resignation, the Pontiff told reporters he has accepted a job with RJ Reynolds Tobacco, and will be working to help Congress draft laws that are “sensible for the tobacco industry.”

Fugitive Squirrel Lurking Somewhere in Neighborhood

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 20:42:43 PST

Deputies are combing the neighborhood for the suspected nut grabber.

AAA Warns Members of Government ‘Car Grabbers’

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 18:58:21 PST

“If the government sends their black helicopters to come after our cars,” said AAA President and CEO Robert Darbelnet, "they will be in for the fight of their lives."

Les Misérables Secret Revealed: Directing Was All Pre-Recorded

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 17:56:21 PST

Les Misérables actors took directions from director Tom Hooper's prerecorded video

10 New State Laws for 2013

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:50:00 PST

Ten new state laws you should know about.

Historic Document Reveals Founding Fathers Wanted Mentally Ill to Kill Many People at Once

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 19:25:49 PST

“A free state must not constrain an individual from eradicating his fellow citizens en masse,” wrote Adams.

Boehner Proposes Replacing Medicare with Applebee’s Coupon

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 11:50:27 PST

Speaker John Boehner proposed replacing Medicare with a coupon good for 10% off at Applebee’s restaurants.

Apple to Manufacture iMacs in U.S. with Chinese Workers

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 17:46:52 PST

Apple executives believe it has become financially advantageous to assemble the computers domestically, using Chinese labor.

5000 New Starbucks to Open Inside Starbucks

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 05 Dec 2012 11:57:49 PST

The store openings will ease the problem of customers not having anything to drink while waiting in line to order their drink.

Local Family Wants to Secede from Neighborhood

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 14:05:33 PST

“We want to make this a friendly split,” explained Barton, “but my family and I are willing to take whatever measures we deem necessary to protect our liberty.”

Lawmakers Consider Banning Heterosexuals from Military

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 12:23:19 PST

Recent accusations of improper testosterone-driven conduct have outraged members of Congress, who claim the military is no place for unrestrained heterosexual behavior.

GOP Blames Loss on Too Many People Voting for Other Candidate

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 01:55:14 PST

Republicans have been reflecting on the results of the 2012 presidential election, trying to find an explanation for the humiliating defeat that left their party shell-shocked and grieving.

Chris Christie to Participate in Macy’s Parade as Balloon

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 15:05:28 PDT

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie today announced that he will be joining Hello Kitty, SpongeBob Squarepants, Spiderman and Kermit the Frog as one of the giant balloons floated above the parade route at this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Chris Christie Insists Gay Houseboy is ‘Just a Friend’Les Misérables Secret Revealed: Directing Was All Pre-RecordedRomney [...]

Your Dad Will Never Have as Much Money As Me

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 13:28:45 PDT

Commentary by Mitt Romney. Whether I am sworn in as the 45th president on January 20, 2013 or have the opportunity to give an incredibly humble, yet patriotic concession speech the night before, I will still, always and forever, have more money than your old man.

NY to Replace Subway Trains with Submarines

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 10:15:14 PDT

“Our cost analysis shows that it’s cheaper to replace the trains with submarines than it is to pump the water out of the tunnels,” said MTA spokesperson Kyle Blodgers.