TheSkunk.org

World asks: Who the f*** are Jon and Kate?

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:43:14 +0000

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- Television personalities “Jon and Kate” are the most baffling celebrities in the history of the entertainment industry, according to a recent poll conducted by TheSkunk.org.

Americans flee to Guatemala to escape bleak job market

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:04:01 +0000

GUATEMALA CITY -- John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas -- a native Guatemalan delicacy -- from the back of a burro-driven wagon.

Palin accidentally burns her own book

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:16:51 +0000

ANTWILLIE, TENN -- Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin attended a book burning rally Friday, where she unwittingly participated in the incineration of hundreds of copies of her upcoming autobiography, “Going Rogue.”

Tell-all book trashes William Henry Harrison administration

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:01:10 +0000

A new biography hitting bookstore shelves on Friday paints a dim portrait of President William Henry Harrison.

Palin vagina announces run for senate

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:03:28 +0000

The vagina of former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced this morning its plan to run for the Senate seat from Alaska in 2010.

Proctor & Gamble facing lawsuit over “Ethnic Cleanser”

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:57:02 +0000

In a press release issued today, Proctor & Gamble Co. announced its latest product, “Ethnic Cleanser,” would not be available for Christmas as originally planned. Launch of the new brand — which was to be sold internationally with the tagline, “Scum of the Earth – Watch Out!” — has been put on hold indefinitely, pending a [...]

Balloon man claims wife jammed inside cow rectum

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 07:01:57 +0000

Richard Heene, the self-proclaimed scientist who incited public outrage by deceiving authorities into believing his six-year-old son was aloft inside a homemade weather balloon, has made another panicked plea for help, this time claiming his wife Mayumi was carried away inside the intestines of an angry cow.

Booger stem cells show promise

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:01:18 +0000

SANTA CLARISSA, CA -- Researchers at College of the Crevasse have released results to a study suggesting that human boogers may contain stem cells with similar regenerative qualities to those of embryos.

Employment up for stupid people

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 17:16:25 +0000

Employment among imbeciles and morons rose 10% in the 2nd quarter of 2009, according to a new report released today by the U.S. Bureau of Statistics.

Moon blast kills 22 civilians

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:54:36 +0000

PASADENA, CA -- NASA has apologized for the deaths of 22 people caused by one of its rockets, which exploded upon impact into the lunar surface earlier this morning.

Pedophiles claim 2nd Amendment protection

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:16:09 +0000

The National Pedophile Association says kidnapping and rape are constitutionally protected activities under the 2nd Amendment’s “Right to Bear Arms” clause.

Goodwill bans donations from man with bad taste

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 18:46:41 +0000

OKALHOMA CITY -- An information technology consultant was banned for life by Goodwill Industries from donating any more of his “crap.”

China prohibits anonymous Internet posts

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:56:39 +0000

BEIJING -- China has passed a law prohibiting its citizens from using fictitious names when posting comments on Internet news sites and blogs, according to Communications Minster Cheng Ho.

Polanski to direct film based on grand jury testimony

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:22:46 +0000

PYONGYANG -- Roman Polanski plans to direct a motion picture based on the 1977 grand jury testimony that led to his indictment on rape charges.

Eager young models await arrival of Polanski

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:44:12 +0000

The pending extradition of Roman Polanksi to the United States has sent a wave of optimism over aspiring young models across America, eager to lose their virginity to the famous director in hopes it will boost their fledgling careers.

Roman Polanski: ‘I thought she was 13-and-a-half’

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 03:06:50 +0000

ZURICH -- Director Roman Polanski defended his 1977 rape of a 13-year-old model by expressing his belief that she was 13-and-a-half at the time.

Obama warns of ‘Axis of Buffoonery’

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:29:04 +0000

President Obama today warned the world of the threat posed by leaders Hugo Chavez, Muammar al-Gaddafi and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, whom he referred to as the "Axis of Buffoonery."

Fox News operated by liberals

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:01:28 +0000

Shockwaves were sent through the conservative community today, when an anonymous video uploaded to YouTube revealed that the Fox News organization is owned and operated by hard-core liberals.

FOX claims it’s the only news Jesus will watch

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 03:20:38 +0000

FOX ad proclaiming it’s the only news Jesus will watch

New Pepsi beverage made from tuna and beans

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 00:45:46 +0000

PURCHASE, NY -- Banking on consumers so unquenched they’ll drink anything, PepsiCo announced today production of a new carbonated beverage made from refried beans and tuna fish.

Pie donations down at clown colleges

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 07:01:33 +0000

Despite the growing need, donations of cream-filled pies are down 65% at clown colleges across the U.S.

Tell-all book claims ‘Onion’ articles made-up

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 04:56:09 +0000

NEW YORK -- A book scheduled for release next week claims The Onion makes up all its stories just to get a laugh.

Kanye thankful he didn’t go through with ‘entire’ plan

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 04:44:45 +0000

HOLLYWOOD -- Kanye West, still recovering from his embarrassing outburst at the Video Music Awards, is grateful he didn’t go through with everything he had originally planned.

Jackasses offended by comparison to Kanye

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 01:35:18 +0000

CALIFORNIA -- An off-the-record comment by President Obama calling Kanye West a “jackass” has been rebuffed by a herd of wild donkeys in the San Bernardino Mountains, east of Los Angeles.

Kanye West hired by Republicans to heckle President

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 17:50:31 +0000

WASHINGTON -- The Republican National Committee has hired Kanye West to interrupt President Obama’s speeches on healthcare, according to RNC Chairman Michael Steele.

Man wearing tea kettle on head opposes healthcare reform

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:55:04 +0000

WASHINGTON – A man wearing a tea kettle on his head stated his opposition to President Obama’s healthcare reform legislation Saturday during a “Tea Party” protest held at the nation’s capitol.

Budweiser hires Congressman Wilson for ‘Rudest Man’ commercials

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:42:53 +0000

CHARLESTON, S.C. — Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC), who shot to fame by hollering “You lie!” during President Obama’s speech on healthcare, has been tapped to appear in a series of Budweiser commercials as the “Rudest Man in America.” The spots, a spoof of the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” campaign, will depict Wilson as [...]

Preschoolers re-create 9/11

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:55:07 +0000

BOSTON -- Using Legos and toy planes, a class of preschoolers recreated the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.

Obama to enslave white people, says GOP

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 18:56:22 +0000

President Obama’s healthcare plan is a thinly veiled attempt to force all white people into slavery, according to conservative talk show host Glenn Beck.

Charlton Heston’s gun taken from his ‘cold, dead hands’

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 02:44:10 +0000

GLENDALE, CA -- In keeping with the late actor’s wishes, Charlton Heston’s decaying remains were exhumed today, and a vintage 1874 military rifle -- made famous in his “cold, dead hands” speech -- was removed from his cold, dead hands.