The Mystery of Me

When The Going Gets Tough...

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 06:18:00 +0000

I threw in the towel today.

As much as I refuse to admit defeat and use the words, "I surrender", I did just that.

I surrendered.

I surrender to the expections I have placed on myself to being everything to everybody.

I surrender to the unexpected events I have endured, worrying about the what-ifs that would've changed things and the what-ifs that may never be.

I surrender to the facade of being a good mother, in the face of actually being a good mother.

I surrender to what is left of me.

I have been forced to realize the status of my self-being: being suddenly deprived of everything I sought so hard to achieve, yet also feeling that perhaps I had never achieved anything in the first place.

So I'm taking a time-out, a "forced" (tell me, who admits defeat, willingly?) "medically-supervised" (read: borderline clinical depression) leave-of-absence from my job, so I can re-focus, re-adjust, refine and re-find my mind, body, spirit because, somewhere, I lost myself.

Where am I?

As I stood in the hallway of my doctor's office, staring out the tower window looking down on the street below, I contemplated what a leave-of-absence meant.

Defeat.

Weakness.

Incapable.

Failure.

Surely others have way more on their shoulders, yet why can I not do the same: grin and bear it?

So, I will take these next few weeks to gather my wits, "take a breather", learn to de-multitask, and focus on spending some time mending my spirit.

But in true Cheryl-style, to add insult to injury, I came across a book today, and I couldn't decide whether to throw it against a wall or curl up with it. It was a book on highly successful career-driven women and how they balance work and family. I bought it. If it's a secret, I do want in. But I'm not sure I'm ready to tackle my issues just yet, so this book will likely remain decoration on my nightstand, to taunt me, perhaps, or maybe it'll sink into my subconscious during sleep and then I'll finally know....

Back To School!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Sat, 14 May 2011 04:15:00 +0000

"Congratulations!"

And with that, my life has been uprooted again.

I have been accepted into grad school!

A solemn acceptance of my fate ahead was sealed as I read my offer of admission via email last Thursday. I actually got in, unconditionally; my file at The Faculty of Graduate Studies is considered complete. I don't have to write the GMAT...all I have to do is say yes.

It took me 8 days to reply to the Faculty of Medicine (from which the MHA is being offered). I needed time to assess what a Yes meant for me, my family, and life as I knew it.

Saying yes meant I would be immediately broke starting September.
Saying yes meant moving into a bigger home would likely have to be put on hold.
Saying yes meant I would be spending less time with family.
Saying yes meant I would be stressing out a lot more than I already do (I'm anticipating meds.)

Saying yes meant I would not add Child #3 to my family....for now.

I'm ok with the first four points. The last point was a little bit hard to face.

But, you know, I have to remain firm in my belief that what is meant to be will be. Life is too short to be wondering about the what ifs.

Eight days later, and I believe.

I could've dissected this decision to apply to grad school with a finer-toothed comb, but it's because I believe in the fate that leads me, I'll be ok.

And so goes my reply... "I am writing to inform you that I happily accept the offer of admission granted by The Faculty of Graduate Studies and I am extremely excited to be entering the MHA program in September 2011."

I need another sip of my Malibu sitting beside me: it's finally kicking in.

Cheers to the long 2 year ride ahead!

Firework

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 04:59:00 +0000

It's complete....my application to grad school!

I drove over to the University today and personally handed it in to the receptionist desk. It wasn't as satisfying as handing it directly to the Program Manager, but to have my CV and my Letter of Intent out of my hands and into the hands that be felt pretty dang good! Or so I thought...

I gathered myself together as I left the building, trying to sum up what I was feeling. Kinda like taking a deep breath and letting it all out slowly, wondering if I'll be able to breathe deep again. I thought I'd be quite celebratory afterwards, but the pessimistic side of me got to thinking, "Hey, you only got your application in! You still have to compete with all the other applications that are sitting there! Maybe you really should've smacked a proper Avery label on the envelope rather than handwriting the addressee on there like a kindergartener! It's not in the bag yet!"

Yep, anti-climactic me.

And it kinda kills me that Katy Perry's Firework keeps blaring out on the radio. It used to get me kinda hyped about doing something crazy like going to school again, and, like on cue, I heard it again on my drive home and I could only tap my fingers to the music rather than grandstand ridiculously in that dreamworld head of mine and belt it out.

I get a nice warm feeling inside, though, thinking, what if....

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin, like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep, six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing?
Do you know that there's still a chance for you, 'cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine, just own the night like the Fourth of July
'Cause baby you're a firework, come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" as you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework, come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" , you're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own.

You don't have to feel like a waste of space ; you're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds: after a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed, so you could open one that leads you to the perfect road Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow, and when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine, just own the night like the Fourth of July
'Cause baby you're a firework, come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" , as you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework, come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" , you're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom, even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you , and now it's time to let it through
'Cause baby you're a firework , come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" as you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework, come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" , you're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

A Red, Pink and Blonde Valentine's

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 16:00:00 +0000

I've never been much into Valentine's Day. Just another commercial day to force you to acknowledge those who love you. Ok, to remind you might be a more diplomatic term. (Did I mention I got a paper shredder one year from my husband? I try not to read between the lines if I can help it).

Yesterday, while I didn't do anything to acknowledge the day (I wore black , coincidentally), my two little men each gave me a long-stemmed rose that they picked out themselves...red and pink.

And Hubby surprised me with tickets to Legally Blonde: The Musical!

I love this musical....the music is catchy, and I've been wanting to see this for a while. I DID have to go online and pick out the seats I wanted. AND because I'm an email subscriber to Broadway Across Canada, I had a promo code for $45 Orchestra seats ($30 off!). He was going to pay $122US/ticket but thought I should pick the seats I want so I had to go online and buy them first, and good thing: he was on the venue's ticketing site, and not Ticketmaster (who DOESN'T go through Ticketmaster?)

So, I saved him a bundle, I get to Go Pink, and life just became peachy again!

Blogging On The Go

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 14:39:00 +0000

Just testing this out...apparently I CAN blog-on-the-fly because I set up my blog for updates via email.

I think I used this service once!

I only bought my Blackberry Bold 9700 last March and I'm sure I haven't updated my blog via BB before. Prior to my smartphone, I would have had to be at a computer to email anything, and why I set my blog up to accept email updates when I could write directly in it is beyond me!

So, *whistle,whistle*...is this mic on? Testing...

Sent from my BlackBerry

Kindergarten, Update!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 13:25:00 +0000

It turns out that I have a lot of drafts on my Blogger dashboard (reaffirming my commitment to try and blog more rather than tweet), so I'll give a quick update on my Kindergarten Registration and Parlons Francais! posts on how my son is doing in school.

Yes, I applied to Early French Immersion, and we won the lottery (literally, the french immersion entrance lottery). The Kid's now been in school for over 5 months now, and he appears to be soaking it in. Although this kid isn't particularly shy, he's not a "singer and dancer", my term for his lack of artistic expressiveness. So determining if he has learned anything at all (remembering that a lot of kindergarten learning is done by rote and involves a lot of imitation through song), it was difficult to get him to sing anything, always given a "I forgot!" response.

Well, today, was one of the few times he actually offered to sing me a song, and a french song at that. Quite a feat, considering he doesn't even know many English songs (so much for beating Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star into him as a baby!). I had him repeat it several times on the ride over to my parents today, as all songs he does sing seem to begin from the back seat, and even though I couldn't understand most of it, it was very gratifying.

It's too bad they all can't stay kindergarteners forever.

I Tweet Too Much

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 17:46:00 +0000

That's my problem.

I've largely ignored my blog due to Twitter. For those who are on Twitter, you know what I'm talking about. There's no commitment to the tweets you make: they're random, tangent, in-the-moment, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of comments. And I'm very random.

I'm sort of a perfectionist, especially when it comes to my writing. That's where this blog takes an exit: my life right now is far from being perfect and I'm constantly trying to find this balance I'm yearning for, and I'm not there yet. Writing should be comforting for me, and it is, but I'm finding I do not have the time to commit to such a project. I prefer to write than to blog, and I'm thinking my definition of the two should be more similar than I let on.

So that being said, I'm going to try and blog more than tweet. Ok, a half-baked lie, since tweeting on a Blackberry is way more easier than blogging, but I'm going to try.

Here's ANOTHER update to complement my latest tweets....

1. Grad school

Yes, I'm apparently going through an early mid-life crisis and have decided that it's time to go back to school. Frankly, I'm fed up with the sh!t I put up with at work and figured there's a lot more to life than staring down a microscope and listening to my coworkers bitch about the bureaucracy and each other. And the only way I'm going to make more money than my current salary is if I move into management of some kind.

Enter grad school.

I was considering an MBA but instead of giving up the "wealth" (haha!) of knowledge I've learned from being in the health care sector, I'm going to try my hand at getting in the MHA program instead (Master of Health Administration). It's also cheaper, by about half ($30K!). This is an executive-style program, meaning I can still work full-time, pay for my mortgage, and still study my way out of my current job.

So far, I've put in my online application, created my CV, and told my three referees about sending in their Letters of Reference. All I've really got to work on for the next week is my Letter of Intent, where I outline why I should be allowed into the program and how I see it fit in my career goals.

I haven't started yet simply because "making more money and getting the hell out" of working in a laboratory doesn't seem to be convincing enough. I'm working on more tangible reasons. :)

And, in the meantime, I also have to start studying for this GMAT exam that I may have to challenge. I've bought all the books I need to study, yet, hoping against hope, that I'll be given a waiver to not write (long story, but there's a stipulation in the admissions policy that could be in my favour).

So, in true procrastination, the following has occupied my past few days...

2. MAC and Other Lemmings

I've always been in makeup, being gifted my first Cover Girl lipstick in Frosted Rose when I was 14. But, lately, past few years, I've been practically obsessed with it! I have some posts in this blog under the tagline "makeup" you can search for, if you're interested.

So I won't go into great detail, as this blog is not a true beauty blog (there are many out there that do a FANTASTIC job at this) but I'm been wanting, begging, pleading for some decent eye brushes. I just picked up a 224, a tapered blending brush, but really wanted the discontinued 226 for creasework. My wish list: 217, 219, 239, 208, 249. I'd march right down to my local MAC counter and buy these all if it weren't for the awesome Canadian dollar...If I bought all these on the US website and have them shipped to just across the border my fave US-parcel-pickup, I'd save enough money to get another brush free! I paid $35 CAD for the 224 and it only cost about $25 US! Gah!

And I "lucked" out going to MAC yesterday for the launch of the Wonder Woman collection (I say lucked tongue-in-cheek because it's not so lucky how much I ended up spending!). I didn't think I'd like any of the product, purposeful avoiding all the online reviews, but I ended up testing Marquise'D (lipstick), Emancipation (Lip Glass), and Mighty Aphrodite (duo blush). I ended up liking Mighty Aphrodite so much by the end of the day, I called my MAC counter 10 minutes before closing and asked them to put it on hold for me until my makeover consult (*sigh*) next Saturday. I'm a sucker for LE's (Limited Editions). Kinda rethinking my purchase on Marquise'D, though, as my pigmented lips find it a bit chalky. It looked good with Emancipation, though (hmmm.....).

3. Baby #3

Hold your horses! This ain't a sealed deal yet! Along with my mid-life crisis comes along my ridiculous notion to plan out my life. And life, as I figured it, always included three kids. I don't know when I'm really gonna fit this in, with school and work, so call me Crazy.....

....if I get into grad school for September 2011, I plan to defer admission until 2012, allowing me time to have a baby prior to school. Then I can go to school from 2012 to 2014. By the time I've graduated, the kids will be 9, almost 6, and (if I'm lucky), almost 3 (or just turned 2).

I'll be 40 when I graduate.

Gad! I hadn't realized that! I'm gonna need therapy too....pencil-ling that into the schedule...!

So, if I can have my last kid before the rest of my life pans out, I can ditch the maternity clothes I've got! LOL All kidding aside, the true test is wrapping my head around perhaps having another boy and not getting the girl I'd like to have. Yes, even if God told me right now that my third child will definitely be a boy, I can honestly say that that's ok with me. After all, the two boys I already have brighten my day, who's to say that another boy would be so terrible?

4. House Hunting

For those that don't live in Vancouver, the real estate market here is INSANE! All homes have move than doubled their value in the past in 9 years, making Vancouver one of the hottest real estate markets in the country. The average price of a Vancouver home has reached $1 million.

Our tiny, 4-bdr, 2000 sq ft house averages $700K. In order to upgrade, we're looking at million-dollar homes.

Case-in-point: we recently put in an offer at the asking price of $1.050 million with one little Subject-To-Inspection clause in the contract, and we were outbid, by only $10K though, but no subjects. There are MANY homes that are being sold at $40K to even $120K over-asking. INSANE!

I may never own my dream home here in Vancouver, but maybe I will one day after I get that higher-paying job after grad school, after the baby #3, after.....

...I stop procrastinating.

Signing off Twitter and the blog tonight, to get some rest and start my Letter of Intent!

It is Alive! It is Alive!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 13:01:00 +0000

Yes, I'm not dead.

I haven't touched this blog in ages (has it really been over 6 months? Yikes!) and I just am so unbelievably busy, I really don't know where the time has flown. Yeah, it's the truth, and not an original excuse, but it's the only one I've got.

And although I hate to leave you hanging again at the risk of abandoning my blog for another 6 months, I always seem to blog (or attempt to blog) when I really should be asleep or, rather, should be doing something else entirely. Right now, I should be sleeping, as it's 5am and I've been awake for the past 3.5 hours, mostly on my computer (doing inane research, the occasional $100 online shopping cart, catching up on one of the Steven Seagal greatest hits that always seems relegated to these wee hours on TV...you know, typical insomnia routine!).

Ah, screw it. If I crawl back into bed now, the husband is just going to do his sighing thing and start complaining that I didn't get any rest.

Better to feign dead on the couch.

Maybe I'm not alive after all!

Spa Review: A Touch Above Electrolysis & Esthetics

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 07:06:00 +0000

I haven't blogged in weeks, but I wrote up a review today on Yelp, about a facial I had. I thought I'd post it here until I get a chance to write something more meaningful.

A Touch Above Electrolysis & Esthetics: a Review

BMO Vancouver Marathon.... Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 07:19:00 +0000

I'm writing this a month later...so my memory has faded somewhat....

I guess I never really finished my last post because I was yapping too much about everything BUT the race! So here's Part 2 about the real nuts-and-bolts of what happened that day, again, based on whatever I can remember!

Despite being a rainy day, I managed to make a PR, beating my previous record by over 5 minutes. I had ran with a 2:11:00 pace band, and kept up with it, for the most part. Up until halfway through, I was beating pace by a couple of minutes, but by the time I had reached Prospect Point and that damn hill, all that shaved time crept back up and I was "even" again. I even succumbed to the evils in my head and (gasp!) walked for 30 seconds near the peak of the Point (that lady screaming that we were almost at the top obviously didn't walk that rest of the way to see how inaccurate she was!) But I gained some time on the nice downhill stretch between about 9 and 11 miles, leaving Stanley Park.

Everything on the route was labelled in kms, so I had a pace band in kms splits. I had no idea what I was really running in miles, since I had missed the 5-mile marker and only caught the 10-mile marker. Didn't matter, because by the time I got to the 17-km mark, I was almost ready to pack it in. I don't know how I managed to keep some kind of pace during the last 5 km. All the landmarks I passed made it seem so close to the finish line, yet as I passed ANOTHER familiar landmark, I realized that I was not as close as I thought!

As I approached the Finish, I could finally see the clock, and it was over about a minute and a half slower than what I been going by on my wristwatch. How could that be, I thought. If their km markings were accurate, there's no way my watch is that off! It turns out that in the chaos occurring in my mind at the time, I did not clue in that the clock was showing the Gun Time, and not Chip Time (as in MY Chip Time...how selfish of me!), therefore my clock I was going on was accurate to within a second of my official Chip Time. I can't say, though, that if I knew this at the time, if I would have had the energy to sprint to the Finish like a mad woman to break my goal of 2:11:00. Perhaps me stopping for 30 seconds at the top of the hill back at Prospect Point really did throw off my pace that much to cost me the 14 seconds I needed to make goal. I finished the race in 2:11:14 (former PR was 2:16:27).

But I can't dwell on little things like that, since it's these little things that can wreak havoc to the self-esteem, and I think I still did pretty well, with all the training I had done, to still be able to achieve a PR.

Now, I need another goal to achieve.

I think I'll try running just to run...until my next race, that is!

BMO Vancouver Marathon.... Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Mon, 03 May 2010 01:11:00 +0000

Today was the day....the day I had been training months for, since October of last year.

The BMO Vancouver Marathon!
My head is full of stories and thoughts during the run that I wish were able to have been instantly typed as they occurred: the people I observed, port-a-potty wonders, the numerous fails I experienced here and there...

Yes, FAILS!

Fail #1: Transit

I decided to take the bus this morning, since I received free transit passes on twitter from @bmovanmarathon. And this way, the hubby and the kids wouldn't have to wake up so early just to drop me off.

So, I arrived at the bus stop at 5:30, awaiting arrival at 5:37. Yup, the time came and went! And numerous taxis suspicious stopped close by and I finally caved and flagged one down. Turned out that the same taxi was circling me like a hawk, and good thing, because that bus never came. Taxi bill = $16.55 + $2 tip. After being dropped off at about 6:20 am, I made a firm commitment then, during, and after the race, that I would demand a refund from Translink for their misinformation on their Trip Planning website. Turns out, I selected tomorrow's Monday morning schedule and not Sunday's morning schedule. Dammit...you are off the hook, Translink...for now!

When I got there, I remembered what I heard John Stanton (Running Room founder, and Order of Canada recipient) said yesterday at a Guest Speaker presentation at the Sports Expo when I picked up my registration package: when you get here tomorrow, head straight for the port-a-potty. So, I did, and got to pick out any of the two-dozen parked by the entrance: no line-up (yet!). Going early, the port-a-potties were "fresh" from being recleaned.

Almost-Fail #2: Almost dropping wallet down port-a-potty!

Yes, almost! I have a neoprene pocket that clips to the inside of your pants that can hold some ID, keys, some cash. I clipped it the back of my pants, at the small of my back, and nearly forgot about it as I pulled my pants down. Good things I secured that baby well --- I usually don't! Yikes....that would have been bad, very bad....

I go inside the main building, where tons of runners are milling about, keeping warm. It's not terribly cold outside (about 6 degrees C?) but it's a lot more comfortable inside. I find my way to the back and got to Gear Check. I didn't bring anything to check except for the long sleeve shirt I was wearing on top of my souvenir technical tee; meanwhile, everyone around me had huge baggage reminiscent of being at an airport.

It was at this point I realized my decision to not bring my phone was a wrong move. People were surely checking in valuables despite a request not to. I could see their point, since bags could fall into the wrong owner's hand unknowingly, however, I highly doubted that someone would be accepting another's gear if they could recognize the monstrosity of their own baggage through the cloudy, crinkly plastic gear check bag.

A Running Post: My Final 10 Miles

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 07:15:00 +0000

1:23 in traffic delays and 10 sec because I was going in the wrong direction!

Including these delays: 1:43:04 was my time, which is a 10:17 pace. Without the lights and the misdirection (trying to recall the above map while running was constantly on my mind!), my pace was an ok 10:08.

Not as good a pace as I was expecting, but maybe during race time I'll be able to gain some speed.

I started slow today, waking up not as early as I hoped, at 6:30am. I scoured the kitchen for something to eat, and there was no yogurt, and the bananas had seen better days. I popped in an Eggo waffle, hoping it wouldn't cause cramps. I was out the door by 7:10am.

My 1st mile split was a slow 10:00 flat. I tried to keep it slow, so that I would last through the whole run.

It wasn't raining, so that was a great bonus. I still wore my tights and L/S shirt but I didn't need gloves. It was a tad windy but that came and went periodically.

During the quiet part of my run (it was pretty early in the morning), I could hear my left shoe cracking/squeaking! It was bugging the hell out of me! Something must have tightened up when the shoes got wet weeks ago. Argh!

Overall, the run went well. I hope I'm ready for the race next week! Now it's time to taper: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday is 4 miles, 3 miles, 2 miles, respectively. I'm thinking of driving over the route to familiarize myself with the race, so I don't get so freaked out.

It's still freaking me out anyways.

Just a Litte Tear Drop

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 20:18:00 +0000

I've been sick, as you know, and not liking it one bit.

I've worked five whole days since March 25 and I'm sure my coworkers are coming to some conclusion by now that this is getting rather ridiculous.

I couldn't agree more.

At the risk of providing TMI, I'll spare you the details of how gross my sputum has become and where it's decided to lodge itself permanently and set up house. Whether what I've got is indeed pneumonia or not (I'm on Avelox, at $7 a pill!), it sucks even worse when compounded with excruciating lower back pain which boldly surfaces whenever I have to suddenly cough (and expel said sputum!).

So, in addition to Avelox, I'm also on Robax, an OTC medicine for backpain. Containing some magnesium, I have to delay taking it in the morning because of reduced absorption of the Avelox medication. So in the morning, I've got no meds to numb the back pain, usually until about noon. Afterwards, I'm good to go, popping two of those suckers every 6 hours, the max dose allowed. 500mg of Methocarbamol, a muscle-relaxant, and 200 mg Ibuprofen in each pill and I can at least get up from the toilet without crying out Momma.

But the physical pain doesn't compare to the mental anguish I got today from watching my kids leave the house with my parents. My 16-month old slept over at my parents' place last night, the second time ever, and twice this month, and I had a feeling he might stay over again tonight. It was really nice to not have to wake up in the middle of the night and rock him back to sleep as he requires, usually both of us cranky at this point, and waking up in the morning because you felt like it was actually a good time to get up. (Frankly, the only reason I got up was to pop an Avelox so I can take my Robax by noon, and not, as most would think, to pop in some waffles in the toaster oven for the The Big Kid's breakfast -- priorities, people!).

Although I'll see The Big Kid later tonight, I quietly cried at the window as my parents piled the two kids into their van. I can't carry my growing 25-pounder, nor kiss him lots, for fear of getting him more sick (he's still got a bit of bronchialitis); my back is too painful to cart him around like he likes me to. And suddenly a waft of sympathy fell over me, a little sliver of the pain my cousin's wife must have felt as her daughter was carted away from her as she battled her fight with cancer. Then I lost it completely, crumpled to the ground, reliving the agony.

I'm not equating my silly little ailment to something monstrous like cancer, but I felt a tiny twang of pain than must have been a billion-fold more horrendous for my dear cousin-in-law who passed away last October, leaving behind her husband and the sweetest little 2 year old you'll ever meet. I understood it then, but I feel it now.

But now is not the time to reminisce about something still so painful to our family. No, the focus is to take things into perspective and just get better!

Health is pivotal to everything in life ... doing daily tasks, caring for my family, and yes, doing the Daily Grind and working your ass off. I'm sure my husband would appreciate me getting better, as he (un)intentionally makes me guilty of him doing all the laundry and tidying up for me (I swear, being home all day does not benefit the beauty of our home, and in fact it's on a downward slide) and making dinner (oh, who am I kidding --- my cooking hiatus started way before I got sick).

So, my tears fell because I miss my life. I want everything to return to normal, whatever normal is. Just not THIS. I want to return to work, I want to return to running, I want to return to caring for my family.

But all that will have to wait until I return to health.

Sick of Being Sick

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 13:33:00 +0000

I tell you, this is the last time I don't fill a prescription right away!

I saw my doctor on April 1st, before the Easter Long Weekend, about this cough I've had for a month. It had escalated to some kind of flu during that week and I was afraid I had pneumonia of some sort. I was told my chest is ok, and given a puffer to use for a couple of weeks (it was a trial size, good for a month) and that I should be able to continue running with this.

And she gave me a prescription for antibiotics, should I eventually get (TMI....) gross-tasting, thicker phlegm. Being so straight-laced and having a penchant to listening to instructions really well, I pocketed the prescription, hoping I wouldn't have to fill it.

Well, the Long Weekend came and went, with a few people encouraging me to just fill the prescription, just in case. I know, I said, but never did. Well, last week I did really want to fill it, but now I realized I lost the bloody prescription!

And so the story goes...

I'm hacking away, coughing like there's no tomorrow, the phlegm coughing itself up, not quite making itself out, then back down where it will attempt to inhibit my breathing again at the most in-opportunistic time.

I've hunted high and low for that piece of paper, which I remember I folded in quarters, stuffing it into different pairs of jeans that first weekend, at the hopes I would pass by a pharmacy and be willing to fill it. Laundry's been checked, my bag and wallet taken apart. my jackets' pockets emptied: nothing.

Just sick of being sick!

5 Years Ago Today....

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 05:00:00 +0000

.... my first little boy was born!

I can't believe how much my life has changed since my firstborn! Although he can be a little stubborn and grumpy (aren't they all at this age?), he's just the apple of my eye, and my heart melts each time I see him smile: his eyes crinkle, his cheeks plump up, his little dimple in his chin appears. Then he says I love you, Mom! Awwwww.....

Everywhere I go, I get told he's a handsome boy. He is, in fact! LOL I like to think he's looks like me but maybe I really wished that I look like him! With his right-shade-of-brown hair, and fair skin, I wish I could ingest a bottle of his good looks!

He loves sports and has been able to swing at an overhand ball since two years old. I thought that was normal until I was told otherwise from strangers, whose sons awkwardly demonstrated this to be the case. He has a good swing but an even meaner wrist shot: he loves hockey like his Dad. Learning to skate is his biggest hurdle to date, but I know when he masters that, there's no looking back with this kid!

I love him to bits and can't wait (yes, I can!) to see him grow up. I know one day I'll be wishing for the time he was five again.

Happy Birthday, Gabey! Mommy loves you lots!

An Update...Yes, Another One!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 07:23:00 +0000

I've been bad again, at not writing in my blog. I've been preoccupied with many things recently, and don't have much of an excuse.

1) Running

I'm in the last four weeks of training for my Half Marathon on May 2nd. I've been concentrating on getting my training runs in: four times a week, around 20+ miles mileage per week. My weekday runs have become long enough that I've started running to work in the mornings, to get it out of the way, and so I don't use up so much of my lunch hour and then some, as those runs were about 45 minutes long.

But I got hit hard with some kind of flu last week and it crippled me. Today I ran my first 3 miles in about nine days, and it was a bit difficult to push myself. I missed running 20 miles while sick, and I'm not about to give up on my training now. I have 18 miles to run by the end of this Sunday, and I'm going to have to do it slowly and without injury...I can't afford to screw up a knee or a shin this close to "Game Day".

2) My Blackberry

I've upgraded my simple candy-stick Sony Ericsson W810i white cell phone to a swanky BlackBerry Bold 9700 smartphone! Ahh, what love! I've been pining for a BlackBerry since the Fall, and a smartphone in general for a year or two. Ever since my beloved Sony Clie is no longer supported by Sony, with my battery dying on it, it's been acting up and I've been missing all the apps and games I've loaded on it. I've been itching for more organization in my life, and despite a gynormous family calendar on the face of our refrigerator, I need something I can edit on the fly. And, well, reading my email without being at my netbook is a big plus too!

So, I've been enthralled with it for the past month: hugging, kissing, petting it, sleeping with it...LOL. My husband would cry out in anguish, admitting that I indeed have found his replacement in my life.

And, with my new-found love, comes along my obscene desire to keep up with my Twitter account. If you haven't already read any of my tweets on the right pane of this blog, I can be followed on Twitter as @mystery_of_me. I'm a bit disappointed in the lack of interest from my family in joining Twitter, but it doesn't derail me that much...I've made new friends and have a great time conversing with people who I only know through their avatar, if that is indeed them in the first place!

And don't get me started on Foursquare! I've been waiting to get on this new social media site for a while....I just needed a smartphone! For those who don't know, Foursquare is a site where you can "check-in" your whereabouts, letting your friends know what you're up to, while discovering new places in your city, and earning you "badges" for visiting and seeing new places. A social media game, if you will. Insanely simple, yet addicting. With Easter Week recently, I "checked in" so many times at my church, I became "Mayor" of that location (for being the most frequent visitor)!

Ah, I love my Berry!

Cheryl 's Fitness Blog -- RunThere March 2, 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 04:12:00 +0000

Cheryl 's Fitness Blog -- RunThere

Another running update. :)

Olympic Adversity

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 08:28:00 +0000

adversity. noun. 1, adversity. a stroke of ill fortune; a calamitous event

We all have adversities in our life. Some call it bad luck, others call it fate. But we learn to deal with it, regardless of how wrongly victimized we are. We learn to rise to the occasion, from the occasion.

This triumphant human spirit rejoices in the hearts and minds of all who were touched by the powerful and wrenching story of the Canadian figure skater, Joannie Rochette, whose mother passed away from a heart attack within hours of her arrival in Vancouver, a mere 2-3 days before Joannie would take to the Olympic ice for the 2010 Games.

Joannie maintained her third place ranking throughout her two skates, ultimately winning the Bronze Medal. Adversity fell in her lap, with the potential to cripple her, yet she somehow managed to stand, and stand tall she did, isolating her mental pain and anguish into bittersweet gratification. I can only imagine how deep and reflective she had to be, intentional or not, in order to pull those performances out of her.

Now, I'm not trying to over-dramatize. Although I used to be a huge figure skating fan at one point in my life (remember: Battle of the Brians, Kerrigan vs Harding, Midori Ito, the Jumping Bean?), I no longer follow the sport but an appreciation has remained for the hard work involved. But even then, my interest has waned. No, I'm way more interested in the human interest stories around these athletes, these Olympic athletes, specifically. They fascinate me with both their physical ability and their mental tenacity.

Take Slovenian cross-country skier Petra Majdic, who caught some ice and fell into a three-metre deep ravine while on a training run, broke four ribs (some reports say five), punctured a lung, and still managed to qualify, then make quarter-finals, then semi-finals and go on to win a Bronze medal.

How's that for conquering adversity?

So, now, I keep in mind: when kicked to the ground, there is always a way to get back on your feet again...you just need to dig deep within yourself to find out how.

I Believe.

Parlons Francais, Part Deux

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 02:15:00 +0000

So, we accepted the enrollment spot for french immersion in the Fall.

It took over a week to finally hash it out with my husband, the pros and cons. I was already set on it, having mulled it over while driving to and from work, during running, before drifting off to sleep each night, during commercials of Olympic coverage. I just needed to go through the formality of having actually having a discussion with the hubby before making a final decision.

Technically, we have until this Monday, Feb 22, 3pm, to inform them of our acceptance. I wanted to confirm before the weekend though, in case, through a slight oversight, should the school decide to rescind their offer, pulling a fast joke on us or having had placed their bets that we would never have called back in the first place.

Hubby was hesitant, of course, to agree with me, without so much of an argument, though. He's a brooding-kind of debater, if there was such a thing, and getting him to speak his mind succinctly is like arguing with the wall.

He was concerned with how he would learn to spell dog or cat if they weren't going to teach him that. We would have to help him, by continuing to read to him in English at home, I say. But we're so busy in the evenings as it is, he argues. We'll have to change that, I insist.

But, bottom-line, he just wants him to go to a good school, learn well, and be "more smarter than his father".

As I see it, since hubby hit the nail on the head by admitting out loud his education goals for his son, whatever decision we made is ultimately the best one.

Internet Woes

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 19:49:00 +0000

My internet connection crapped out before the weekend, and I had to call my ISP and get a technician in.

After three days, 2 new modems (and a partridge in a pear tree), I am finally connected again.

Oh, the withdrawal I've had!

I'm CONSTANTLY online, much to the chagrin of my husband ("You prefer it to sex, don't you" -- hmmm, no comment...LOL) and I have been shaking (literally) as a result, my hands trembling from not typing, from not being connected. It was kind of a good thing, as I got some much needed cleaning around the house, though not enough. I would probably have to be offline for a whole week before I start doing the WHOLE house. But, thank god, it was only three days!

So what sucked about being offline:

One major shoot-me-now was missing out on Clearly Contacts free eyeglasses giveaway this morning. First 500 people in Vancouver to use the emailed code sent this morning would get free eyeglasses. I paid $89 last week to get my prescription updated so that I could get a chance at free eyeglasses. My last pair cost me over $600, granted, they were imported Nikon glass lenses, so FREE sounds good to me. So what I can get a pair of glasses on the site from $38? Isn't it the principle that I COULD get it FREE? Besides, the designer frames on the site do cost closer, if not over, $100, so free or not free, it's a decent deal. I'm just bummed that I couldn't even try and get free glasses, just because my modem crapped out. C'est la vie, non?

And, after finally checking my email after these few days (I got no less, I kid you not, than 100 emails over the weekend), I started getting Comment Spam on my blog. After finally deleting all the comments, I have one thing to say to this commenter: Go spam a Chinese-written blog! For f&*k sakes, how am I and my readers going to read your spam if it's not in friggen English?? Seriously, use SOME marketing skills!

So, now you'll see I've had to moderate my comments for my blog. Don't take offence. I used to think that comment moderation was pointless until now. Now I understand. I hope you do too.

So, I have a few days of catching up on everything: Twitter, Facebook, email, etc. I may need the whole week to feel like myself again; the weekend wasn't the same with my computer!

Parlons Francais!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 08:14:00 +0000

So, today, that long-awaited letter (ok, maybe it just felt like ages!) arrived today, informing us that my son has been guaranteed a space in French Immersion this Fall for kindergarten.

I'm so stoked!

Everyone who got accepted -- about 44 kids -- were to find out by this Friday, Feb 12, if we were accepted or put on a wait-list. We got the letter saying we got in! It was about a 1 in 2 chance of getting into the program, given the number of applicants for spaces.

So now my husband and I have about 10 or so days to talk it over and decide what we're going to do. If we accept the spot, we forfeit our spaces at the other schools we've applied to, which makes sense. We did, at the same time, also receive a letter from our default school that we've been accepted there too. We just haven't heard yet from the third school if there are spaces available and if we would fill one of those spots.

But, assuming we were accepted to all three schools, which school would I choose?

The dilemma in this is that whatever we decide will drastically impact my kids' (yes, BOTH kids) education AND life.

Option 1: Choose the French Immersion school

Pros:

My younger son would be able to be automatically allowed admission into the program, as would any other siblings that follow (ahem, none yet!);
My kids would automatically be allowed admission to the French Immersion high school, which happens to be a very good, well-respected school (great Fine Arts & Science programs, complete with IB program too, with grads going to Ivy League schools), a school we probably wouldn't have a chance to get into if he studied "in English" since we'd be out-of-catchment;
kids in French Immersion grow up and "stay together" through the years, going through school, so they'll have a tight relationship (and I heard the parents are nice too!);
it's a small school, with a lot of personalized attention and resources;
he gets a chance at a bilingual future, unlike me, who missed the boat when I moved here from Montreal when I was 8 years old.

Cons:

it's only half-day kindergarten next year, while most other schools will be full-day kindergarten. Possible daycare costs to be incurred;
it's an Annex school, meaning after Grade 3, he'll have to go to the Main School, a little farther away, meaning I'll eventually have two kids in two different schools most of the time;
until we move, the school is actually in the opposite direction from work, and across a major artery, so morning traffic will be a bitch;
I still don't know how after-school care will be handled when he's a little older;
will I still be able to help him out with homework, despite my limited French.
his English reading and writing skills will likely lag for a few years, taking a while to catch up.

Option 2: Stick him in a regular English classroom

Pros:

his reading and writing skills should develop at the usual rate.

Cons:

he won't have the same level of French proficiency had he started in FI instead.

As you can see, there are not that many issues when dealing with the English-track curriculum. Not so in the case of the French route: possibly more pros and cons I haven't listed yet.

I'll be doing more research, but I'm leaning on sticking him French Immersion and hoping for the best!

Me Bad! Another Update

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 09:19:00 +0000

I have been just terrible at sitting down and writing any posts! My intentions are good, but I never get a moment to just write and not worry about the content!

And I just wanted to say hello to some of my new followers -- Hello! -- as I meant to say hi earlier but just haven't had the time to do so.

And one of my favourite things to pass the time is going through Google Reader and catching up on blogs posts I follow (and there are a lot!), but I just never have the time these days.

But if it matters, I had started a few blog posts....but just didn't finish them. Is there a still a point of posting them. Hmmm.....

So, in a nutshell, I've been dealing with:

1. Kindergarten Registration: my 4 year old is going to school in the Fall and I had to register him last month. I registered him at his (English) catchment school, which he'll default to if no one else accepts him, and I registered him at the French Immersion catchment school, at which there is currently a lottery underway to see who'll get in.

One of my blog entries I never posted was my take on the whole French Immersion issue, so I won't discuss it here right now.

I also registered him at an out-of-catchment (English) school, a process which included me lining up in front of the school at 5 am, in the dark, until the school opened at 8 am, to secure that possible availability of accepting out-of-bounds students. There's nothing particular terrific about the school, 'cept that it does have a lower ESL (English as a Second Language) percentage than our regular catchment school, and that my next door neighbour has been on the PAC (Parent Advisory Committee) for years, and is currently the Chair. My take is that an excellent PAC that works well with the school administration is a school that takes pride in where it's going in the years ahead and makes for a pleasant school experience.

I'm waiting word this week if we get accepted into French Immersion. My next choice would be that out-of-catchment school I just mentioned, but we won't know if there's any space at the school until about March 1st.

2. Half-Marathon My 12 Weeks training starts tomorrow. I've built up a 100 mile base since October 2009, of which 48 miles were run in the past 4 weeks alone. I'll be following Hal Higdon's Half Marathon - Novice like I did in 2003. The schedule totally works, as I was able to complete my first half marathon in '03 in 2:16:27, and that was just running 3 days/week, not 4 as the schedule suggests. I'm planning on continuing to run 4 days a week, as long as the shins stay injury free, so I'm hoping to break my Personal Best. Here goes!

3. Weight Watchers I officially quit my WW Online subscription, after 8 months. The weight loss has stayed off (35 lbs - yay!) and I've been having trouble tracking my foods for the past 2-3 months. I've been burning over 1200 calories per week for a month now, and I'm eating for fuel for my runs. Again, I have a post I'm in the middle of editing, that shows how you can try WW without having to shell out any money like I did (which wasn't too much, and since it totally worked for me, was so worth the money).

I could babble for longer, but I won't. I'll be back soon, I hope!

If you want a daily dose of what's going on...head to Twitter and follow me . You can also read my recent tweets in my blog's side panel, on the right ---->

Kindergarten Registration

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 05:11:00 +0000

I didn't think that kindergarten would come so fast!

Recently, I've had to really start thinking about where to send my son for kindergarten. I actually didn't about it early enough, since registrations began November 2nd of last year. Had I any smarts, I would've called my prospective schools and inquired about Information Sessions.

Case in point: one of my considerations was French Immersion. Apparently all the FI schools in the city have information nights in mid-November.

Mommy Fail #1: missed those.

Now, I've heard that boys, somewhat lag behind their female classmates in FI, and sometimes struggle severely enough to transfer out of the program. And, FI, in some sense, has been termed elitist in some circles. On the first point, of the kids I know who are in FI, one girl and two boys, all at different schools and different grades, are all enjoying themselves and excelling well. Perhaps, given the chance, my son will excel as well. On the second point, being in an FI program can be exclusive, given the lack of resources to have more schools in the city, but as for elitist, I beg to differ. It doesn't cost more to send kids to a public french immersion school, so family income isn't an issue. It's a matter of personal choice on the parents' part: anyone can apply, but a lottery is usually how most people get in, due, again, to the lack of supply-and-demand principles.

Throw in the curve ball that 60% of Vancouver elementary schools will be going full-day in 2010. The remaining 40% will assume full-day kindergarten (FDK) in 2011. FI schools will only have FDK in 2011, discouraging me from considering applying for any french schools: he's so ready for full-time school.

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See my 2011 Update here.

Happy New Year...About time I Blogged!

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 06:05:00 +0000

Hello, and, finally, Happy New Year!

I hadn't forgotten about my blog, but simply I just hadn't had the time to put a post up. I meant to write a decent-size post about what's been going on lately, yet I kept delaying it, convinced I didn't have the time to write what I thought would probably be a lengthy post.

So, here I am now. I'm not promising a long post, but let's see how far I get....

1. Back At Work:

Yes, my maternity leave is now over and I'm back at work. The year (or, rather, the 14 months) has gone by waaaay too fast, and I now Reality is here to stay. I'm sad that Life has to go on and I must return to my job, yet, who am I kidding, I love the money. I had been officially on paid vacation since Nov 23, 2009, so getting a nice paycheque for the following 5 weeks weren't hard to take! But now I have to actually DO some work to get paid so, sigh, off to work I go!

2. Work at Work:

My life at work is super busy! I can't believe that I have been given so much work to do! I work in a laboratory and they've got me re-training for a whole friggin' month! Normally, the duties I've been assigned to do are only a one week rotation, because no one's crazy to want a whole month. Yeah, so that's what they give me! AND, to top it all off, I got zapped with the highest specimen load we've ever experienced: normally we receive 10-15 specimens a week but I friggin' got 39!!!! THIRTY NINE! No wonder I was tired last week! No breaks, just 1/2 hr lunches, but mostly 15-20 min lunches, and working overtime. There was no one more happier than me to see the weekend!

3. The Kids:

My parents have decided that they want to watch the kids while I return to work. Save your money, they said, we'll watch them. So far, it's been pretty good. I drop the kids off by 8am and arrive at work by 8:30. If I left work at the time I was supposed to, I'd be back by 4:30 to pick them up. As per #2 above, I was working a few hours of overtime last week, so I haven't exactly established a real routine yet.

I don't want to put my parents out too much, as they're technically not on my payroll, so I try to head over as early as I can get out of work. It's so different than dealing with full-time daycare like I've done in the past. I've decided to give them a monthly allowance, for them to do as they please, just as a little thank you. They're still saving me a ton of money, so what little I can give them, I'm happy. My mom already offered to beat me when I gave her the money. Nice mom, huh? LOL Yet, she hasn't tried to return the money to me since!

4. Half Marathon

Yes, this is still in the works. I have 16 weeks before the BMO Vancouver Marathon on May 2, and if I want to run it, I have to start training. I ran about 50 miles in October, one run in Nov, and about 5 runs early December. I need to build a base before starting my 12 week training in a month. So I've started running at work this week. Work as somewhat leveled off and I can at least find time to hear myself think at my desk! I got myself a locker of my own in the common locker room down the hall, and can make no excuses about getting dressed for a run now.

I ran 3 miles yesterday and 2 miles today. I have another 3 miles to run and a 4-miler for my Long Run on Sundays. I plan to repeat this 3-2-3-4 pattern for the next 4 weeks until my training starts. I have been writing a running blog since I started running again in the Fall, and you can read that here. It's not the best online running blog to use, but it works for now. I've signed up for dailymile.com but haven't used it yet. My current running blog is set on private and I haven't really shared it with anyone, and the dailymile.com site can be linked to Facebook, being touted as a social training log.

Let's hope I can continue with the running and not get injured like I did with shin splints in October!

----------------------

That's all I can think of right now to share. I'm sure there are tons of things I could write more about but my head is just fried! I honestly don't know how I will manage all these weeks of waking up early, getting the kids ready, going to work, coming home, racing this way and that for after-school activities, get home, perhaps cook some dinner, wash dishes, prepare for the next day, still have some Me time on my computer, and STILL get a decent night's sleep before starting the whole damn thing over again!

Deep breath...

Clorox Green Works Natural Laundry Detergent

noreply@blogger.com (Cheryl Anne) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:26:00 +0000

Laundry.

Not too many words out there that can make you cringe and instantly tired at the same time.

So, when I was asked to provide a review of the new Clorox Green Works Natural Laundry Detergent, I took it in stride and mustered up the energy to do 'extra' loads to test the product out.*

I've done about 15 loads of laundry so far, and it's been a great product. Smells great, everything comes out clean...what more can I say?

There is a dye- and fragrance-free free-&-clear version available too. But I like the gentle, clean-smell fragrance in the regular detergent. Both have plant-based cleasers, and it's dermatologist-tested, so my eczema-prone baby hasn't had any issues with it either. I tested a small 30-load bottle, but they apparently make a 60-load bottle for laundry fanatics too.

Everyone around is concerned with the environment and being green, and Clorox appears to want to get on the wagon.

This is the laundry ingredient list:

Water, plant-based cleaning agents (methyl ester sulfonate, alkyl polyglucoside, cocodimethyl amine oxide), glycerine, water softener (sodium citrate), plant-derived soap (oleic acid), enzyme stabilizer (boric acid), natural enzymes, alkalinity builder (sodium hydroxide), fragrance with essential oils, salt, calcium chloride, biodegradable preservative, blue & yellow colorant. Contains no phosphate or bleach.

I think it's commendable that they've removed all phosphates and bleach in their detergents. And although it's a greener, more "natural" detergent, in all honesty, it's not completely green or natural. Clorox does mention it's "95% natural" so it's not making any false claims. I just think there are better alternatives out there if you're looking for 100% natural. I've used Allen's Naturally (ingredients: Sodium Carbonate, Sodium Silicate, Sodium Bicarbonate, Sodium Borate, Sodium Sulfate) and currently Country Save, both detergents that are wonderfully safe for the cloth diapers for the kids. Because there are enzymes in the Clorox GreenWorks Natural Laundry detergent, I can't use it on cloth diapers, and I'd prefer to buy just one detergent for the house instead of two.

That said, I do love the convenience of liquid detergent! In the cap, there are two levels to which you can measure the detergent for a load, Level 1 for a medium load and Level 2 for a larger load. I find even large loads (even in my extra capacity top loader) cleans well with detergent only measured up to Level 1. The 30-load bottle will only last as long if measured up to the first level, so you get your money's worth if don't use Level 2.

I'm glad I was able to test this new product out. I wouldn't have tried it otherwise. It's definitely a great contender in the line of detergents out there. I can't say it makes me want to do MORE laundry, but it makes laundry more pleasant-smelling!

I have been asked for readers to complete a survey for Matchstick. For every completed survey,they will donate $2 to The Redwood Women's Shelter, a Toronto-based safe haven for abused women and families.Thanks for your opinions!

http://www.feedback.matchstick.ca/se.ashx?s=439B5E1D0F98116D

** product was provided free-of-charge from marketing company, Matchstick, to review unbiasedly, on behalf of Clorox.