The Marry Blogger

Simplify Your Family Life Sale!

tmb101 — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 19:02:14 +0000

Corey from Simple Marriage and Mandi from Life…Your Way have brought together some of the top authors in the family life space with 31 e-books covering a variety of topics related to family life.

When purchased separately, these e-books are worth $435.10, but for four days only, you can purchase the entire collection for just $47!

A portion of each sale will also be donated to The Mentoring Project, which seeks to rewrite the story of the fatherless generation.

This collection is only available from 2 p.m. on March 21st to 2 p.m. on March 24th. There will be no late sales offered.

Click here to purchase your collection today!

When you purchase the Simplify Family Life collection, you get instant access to each of the 30 ebooks listed below:

Work At Home

Smalltopia by Tammy Strobel @ Rowdy Kittens ($27)

Click here to purchase your collection today!

The sale ends at 2 p.m. ET on March 24th, and there will be no late sales offered, so don’t wait.
(If you don’t want the whole collection – each of the links takes you directly to each e-book!)

I personally own several of these e-books. Judging by the quality of those resources, this list of material is bound to be an AMAZING DEAL!! Don’t wait to pick up this collection – this sale expires Friday.

Top 10 Marriage Blog: Project Happily Ever After

Stu Gray — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 11:49:13 +0000

Over the next several weeks, I’ll be highlighting the Top 10 Marriage Blogs who made the list here at The Marry Blogger late last year! I hope you enjoy some of the stories shared here from these awesome communicators – and their reasons for writing (and caring) so much about marriage.

This week, Alisa Bowman from Project Happily Ever After:

For those that don’t know, Why and how did you start Project Happily Ever
After?

I had survived a miserable marriage. By miserable I mean:

Sex was not happening. It had been so long since we’d had sex that I could not remember the last time we’d done it—and I didn’t care.

We had nothing to say to each other. We’d go out to dinner and stare into space.
I was planning his funeral on the off chance he might conveniently drop dead.

Oh, it was bad. But 12 marital improvement books and 4 months later, we were on the mend—and we’ve grown happier and happier ever since. It was after I emerged from that experience that I wanted to connect with others. I had felt so alone when my marriage was bad. I’d thought I was the only wife who was struggling. I thought my friends had all married good men—and that I was the
only failure who’d chosen wrong.

But once things improved and I started talking about it all, I found that lots and lots of other people were going through the same struggle. But no one was talking about it. Everyone was too ashamed. So I started the blog and started writing about marriage from an honest, authentic place. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do claim to not be ashamed about all of my problems.
ProjectHappilyEverAfter is a safe place for recovering divorce daydreamers. No matter what you are going through, it’s a place where you can find support.

Tell me a bit about you and your marriage (then and now!)…

As I said, things were once pretty bad. We had a communication problem that had been worsened by the stress of my husband opening a business (that did not become profitable for 2+ years) within months of us having a baby. I was the sole breadwinner and parent for 2 to 3 years, and our marriage completely fell apart during that time.

We’ve since worked on things and I can now say that my husband is my biggest supporter. When nothing is going right in my life, I sometimes think about him and I smile and think, “At least I have him.” We’ve come a long way.

Whats been the best part about running Project Happily Ever After?

I love the community. I love connecting with other people. I love learning from others. The blog has repeatedly proven to me that people are good and kind. Everyone struggles in life. It’s a fallacy to believe that some people are perfect and some are flawed. We’re all flawed.

What have you learned about your own marriages in the process?

I’ve learned that a marriage is a dynamic organism, one that grows and changes with the moment. I’ve learned that I cannot control my husband. I cannot force him to change. I cannot mold him into a different human being. But I can work on myself, and in so doing I can greatly improve my happiness and his.

Do you have any favorite thoughts or tips to offer someone who might be
struggling in their marriage?

The two most important lessons I learned are as follows:

1 . Look in the mirror. Own up to the role you play in your marital unhappiness. I know. This was a tough one for me, too. I wanted to believe that my husband was 100 percent to blame. He wasn’t. At the root of our marital problems was my reluctance to ask for help. Once I became more assertive, our marriage completely turned around.
2. Be a leader. Every marriage needs a leader. If you are the person who is reading marital improvement blogs and books, then you are the leader. It might not be fair and it might not be what you want. It just is. Do you want fair or do you want a happy marriage? If it’s the latter, then give up your ideas of fairness and lead your spouse to a happier place. Be the big person in
your marriage.

Alisa made it to the Top 10 Marriage blogs (for the second time!) in 2010, and her new book Project: Happily Ever After: Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters came out at Christmas!

A 2010 Hot Marriage Blog! WOO HOO!

Stu Gray — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 16:40:16 +0000

Everyone loves a contest. I know, I have been privileged to host one here for the Top 10 Marriage blogs for the past two years!

But, it sure is fun to win one sometimes too!!

Paul Byerly from The Generous husband has put together his own Hot Marriage Blog List for 2010 – and TMB has found a spot on the list!

From Paul’s Blog:

Best Community Building Award: The Marry Blogger

Stu does some great posts, and I link to him regularly; but Stu has also done a great deal to link marriage bloggers and build community among those writers. His Top 10 awards have helped to get the word out about less known blogs. Stu also helped to put together a web site for those of us who do these blogs, and was a major player in the “LOVEveryday” collaborative e-book. Both those who do marriage blogs and those who read such blogs, owe Stu a big thanks.

**PS – I didn’t get to finishing editing this post before it went live today – our son has had a heck of a day with fever and throwing up several times.

I am really humbled by Paul’s kind words – it blows me away how God can use so many different tools to help and encourage all sorts of people – not just those of us who write about marriage. One of the most rewarding things about continuing on here is the great people I continue to meet and enjoy, who read, comment and email about something that touches them – or frustrates them!! – or encourages them. Thank you for reading here at TMB!!! I really enjoy the community we are continuing to build here – and other places!

Happy New Year – and if you wouldn’t mind shooting up a prayer for my son, that would be greatly appreciated! See you in 2011.

The Top 10 of ’10: 5 Reasons why I should Initiate Sex with my Wife

Stu Gray — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 09:49:02 +0000

Since we have so many new subscribers here to The Marry Blogger, I wanted to go back and offer some of the favorites from TMB for 2010. Over the next two weeks, I’ll count down the Top 10 Most Read posts here. Here’s Number 1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Why I Don’t Initiate Sex With my Wife More Often

I’ll come right out and say it.

I have issues with asking for “intimacy” with my Beautiful Wife™.

I fear the big “R” word: Rejection

As a husband, many times, when I desire to be with her mono-a-mono, I either:

1. Get more “touchy feely” during the day, or,

2. Make more “flirtatious” comments.

Apparently these just don’t quite cut it compared to the direct – “Hey wanna go roll around together in the bed, Clothing optional?”

Many times I never get that far because I fear the answer to this question:

What if she says No?

With my history (you can read about that here ), I have a tendency to want immediate positive response.

With a real, flesh and blood human being, you don’t always g-e-t that positive response. When that happens, unfortunately, I lean towards not initiating intimacy with my wife.

The crazy thing: I want to be intimate with her. (Actually, its not crazy that I want to be intimate with her. Its crazy that I won’t initiate intimacy.)

On my short list of “Favorite Things To Do in the World” – Sex with my wife has to be like Number 1 or Number 2.

But that ‘rejection thing’ keeps me from asking.

It’s time to have a better marriage and better sex life by getting past this mental roadblock.

Why My Fear of Rejection Makes No Sense

1. She’s my wife – she’s with me for the long haul on this marriage journey.

She said “I do” six years ago. We’re in this thing together. If I am going to pursue anyone it should be my Beautiful Wife™. Here’s the kicker: If she says NO tonight, guess what, I will still be sleeping next to her tomorrow night! I can ask again!!!

I need to think of myself like a great home run hitter in baseball. They strike out much more than they actually knock one over the fence! Hopefully my odds are better.

2. She enjoys the S-E-X. WOO HOO!

I have been blessed with a woman who enjoys having sex. This is terrific. I should keep this in mind when she says NO on certain occasions. There could be other reasons for her denial other than not ‘enjoying’ herself. I should ask more questions – find out where her mind is…and if I can offer an ear to listen! My wife wants me to initiate sex, but she also deserves an opportunity to explain why she isn’t in the mood!

3. She likes when I am happy.

My wife is my biggest fan. She loves when I am happy. Rolling amongst sheets together with her makes me happy. Following this line of thought, this, in turn, would make her happy. Happy Wife. Happy Husband. Happy Marriage.

4. There is always tomorrow if we can’t be intimate right now

Thank You #1!

5. There are several forms of intimacy that we can enjoy. Everything doesn’t always have to be about the S-E-X

I have written about different types of intimacy on the Marry Blogger before, but I can say it again… Different types of intimacy are great. And they can lead to S-E-X. When you feel emotionally closer with one another, it can result in desiring each other physically. But it is not a requirement. Sex should begin with a desire to be with one another and share each other physically. It should not stem from a “I have to do this – requirement” mind set.

What Keeps YOU from Initiating Sex in your Marriage?

Is it a fear of rejection, or something else completely? When it comes to initiating sex with my wife, this is my particular hang up, but I would love to hear what other couples deal with when it comes to initiating sex in marriage.

Give me your reasons for not initiating sex in your marriage in the comments below!

The Top 10 of ’10: 20 Ways to Keep Your Spouse Lusting After You

Stu Gray — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 09:04:04 +0000

My online buddy and fellow blogger Alisa Bowman had her big book release this week…I can’t recommend it enough…Project: Happily Ever After is her story about going from planning her husband’s funeral, to great marriage! Its awesome. Get it here. Meanwhile, back here at the ranch, I’m counting down the Top 10 Most Read posts from 2010… Here’s Number 2…Enjoy!

We often talk about the emotional part of our marriages on this blog. Communication, priorities, the way we interact with each other day in and day out. This post is about another part of our marriage that is as important but often overlooked. Lust.

If I am reading correctly, the commandment that Charlton Heston got on the top of the mountain says… “Don’t lust after your neighbor’s wife“. To me, that implies that husbands should be lusting after their own wives.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach wrote an interesting book called Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin With Your Spouse where he argues that the sensual nature leaves many marriages – and that exodus (Ha!) is at least one reason for affairs. He claims that the forbidden nature – the thrill of the chase – the hunt – the secret – is the interesting thing about affairs. Not necessarily the S-E-X. It’s the excitement and “unknowing” of the other person that makes it interesting.

Since men tend to more visual than women, a lot of these thoughts are focused toward the wife. But I do believe that keeping passion – the forbidden – and yes, lust – in your marriage is important for both partners to participate in (and enjoy!).

20 Ways to Keep Your Spouse Lusting After You

Keep Sex interesting

Don’t let him see you completely naked all the time

3. When you DO take it all off, make it an art form. There is a reason why strip clubs make silly money. The art of the tease. Guys, this can go for you as well, women pay a lot of money to see the Chippendale’s “take it off”!

4. If you want him, make sure he knows it. Another element from strip clubs: the women give a ‘false’ sense of: “I really like this, I really like you”… and the guys believe “Wow, this woman really likes what she is doing”. It’s all B.S. in that environment – but it can be real in your house.

5. Send private emails to one another. Shmuley tells of a couple where he encouraged the husband to create a false identity and email address to start an online affair with his wife. Behind his own back. That was kinda weird, and I don’t know if I would go that far. But that’s me. You can still send private emails to each other. Make sure your spouse has a private account.

6. Write letters detailing what you like or don’t like. Write letters about your fantasies. Sometimes it’s tough to talk about it. Letters are fun and romantic – and might be less threatening. Writing helps you solidify things in your own mind. If you are writing about what you want to do or have done with your spouse, it builds anticipation when you are waiting for a new letter – and builds excitement for each other.

7. Get out of town. Be tourists somewhere. Get away from day to day life and have fun. No one knows you in a strange place. Go a little wild.

8. Role play. Figure out what would be fun for each other – then do it.

9. Work on your technique. There is no better way to improve than to practice, practice, practice. Find out something your spouse would enjoy, and learn about it. Become a master at it. The Bible says we aren’t here for ourselves – but for each other… it talks about sacrificial love and submitting to our spouse. For both partners!

10. Turn on the lights. If you are always in the dark – turn them on so you can enjoy each other.

11. Turn off the lights. Use the touch, the skin, sounds and feelings to guide the way.

12. Buy new lingerie. Wear it.

13. Be daring. Go to the bathroom and come back and hand him your panties. Grab him under the table.

14. Go commando. Tell him about it.

15. Find an abandoned street and make love in the back seat like teenagers. (Please don’t get arrested!)

16. Tease. Refer to #3.

17. Foreplay. Many men can have very strong orgasms the longer they are “on the edge”. Become a ninja master of bringing him to the brink.

18. Talk. Tell her that she is beautiful, how good her body feels.

19. Touch. Don’t be afraid of scratches, bites, marks. Also, men’s parts are up to that point.

20. Whisper that you want them later when you are in an awkward place. Like the inlaws. Or church.

What do you think about that list? Do you have other ideas to keep him lusting after you?

The Top 10 of ’10: Eat Chocolate with this 30 Day Challenge

thebeautifulwife — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 09:08:18 +0000

The 30 day challenge

This challenge has nothing to do with eating right, exercising or shrinking your waistline! In fact, this may be one thing that you do this January that will really pay off for the entire year!

I recently listened to a Joyce Meyer teaching where she talked about how often we spend lots of time focusing on the negative things are spouse does, and very little time noticing the positive things. She mentioned that if we would take 30 days to stop critiquing our spouse and start complimenting them instead — it would change our marriage.

I completely agree!

The Challenge

If you want to see real change in your marriage in 2010, take the 30 day challenge:

Spend the next 30 days, watching your spouse, noticing when they pick up their shoes (instead of leaving them out), feed the dog (without you asking them to do it), take out the trash — ANYTHING — and then say something positive about it, build them up.

Surely your husband or wife does at least one positive thing a day.. focus on that.

Let me know how it goes! I’ll be trying it in my marriage too!

Check out the One Week update!

Here is the Week Two Update!

And our Week Three update!

The Top 10 of ’10: Wives try this – Initiate Sex with your Husband

thebeautifulwife — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 09:10:18 +0000

Beautiful Wife™ here… I want to say thanks for reading The Marry Blogger. My Incredible Husband™ has a passion for marriage… our marriage and for encouraging others in theirs!

I read through his posts and often help edit or add a woman’s point of view, but for the first time, I thought I would post something from me!

Looking over the stats from our marriage blog, I noticed one post in particular that gains the most interest from readers: 5 Reasons Why I Should Initiate Sex With My Wife.

When My Incredible Husband™ wrote that post, it was from his point of view why he doesn’t initiate sex more. Yet, when I see how many emails and questions he gets from husbands about how to get their wives to initiate sex more, I thought I should post something specifically for wives.

Why Don’t Women Initiate Sex?

As women, why don’t we initiate or want sex more? I know the stereo-typical excuses of “I have a headache”, “I’m tired” or “I have to get up early” and I agree that sometimes these reasons are valid… but maybe there is a bigger issue to think about.

Sex is Not an Obligation, It’s Connection

Sex is not about filling an obligation – “if I give him sex tonight, then I will have a couple days where he is not bugging me”. You may not look at sex that way, but I believe some wives do.

So what is one of the purposes of sex in your marriage?

How about this one: Wanting to physically and emotionally connect with your husband? Or, filling his needs the way you want him to fill your needs? I believe that God gave us sex as a gift, an essential and incredible part of the journey of marriage. Yet, I don’t think I realized how sex is important to my husbands emotional connection to me. It is not just the physical activity he desires, but the emotional connection it can give us through the act of sex.

As women, we tend to feel loved when we are connected through communication – that is why we talk more than men!

Men don’t work like that.

They feel loved when we show them respect and desire to share ourselves with them… not just our minds but also our bodies.

They need us to need them in every area of our lives, not just to share our emotions with them, but to share our beings with them. If your husband loves you, chances are he wants you sexually more times in a day than you can imagine. For every time you think about the stuff you have to do in a day (clean house, feed dog, pick up kids, etc.) he’s probably thinking about sex with you!

Attention is Different for Men

What we can give our husbands is the thing we want them to give us… ATTENTION… it just looks different.

Attention We Need: listening to us share our stories, helping with the kids and house, running errands, being romantic.

Attention He Needs: making him a priority, listening to him, being intimate with him mentally and physically.

How different would our marriages be if we really gave our husbands our physical attention, not out of obligation, but out of a desire to want to have the best marriage we can?

This is one of the many things we can think about when it comes to sex with our husbands. I hope it challenges you to give your husband the attention that he needs!

The Top 10 of ’10: How to Be a Proverbs 31 Husband

Stu Gray — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 09:45:21 +0000

The last twenty-one verses of Proverbs 31 are about a good and virtuous wife.

There are some great character qualities for women to think about there – hardworking, generous, passionate, caring, industrious, a sacrificial heart, a good speaker, loves to laugh, and she enjoys her family.

When I look at these verses, I notice that the husband of this woman is mentioned 3 times.

Lets look at those 3 mentions and see if we can glean something for husbands today:

1. vs. 11 – Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.

This husband trusts his wife. One version of this passage says that with her, “he has everything he needs’ . There must be Trust.

Not controlling. Not manipulation. Trust.

Do you believe that she has your best interests in mind? Do you believe that you are on the same team with her? Are you together on the some of the “biggies” in marriage – SEX, MONEY, CHILDREN, COMMUNICATION and INLAWS?

This husband trusts her and she enriches his life. When you are on the same team with your wife, it allows her to bring fullness to your life. When you trust, you allow her to be all she is, you build her up and allow her to grow and blossom into a beautiful woman. If you don’t trust, she is unable to thrive.

Wives – Do you give your husband the opportunity to trust you? Do you keep the things he tells you in confidence? Do you build him up, or tear him down with your words?

2. vs. 23 – Her husband is well known at the city gates where he sits with the other civic leaders.

This husband is respected by others. These section in Proverbs talks mainly about the woman being industrious and hardworking, but in this verse, we see that the husband ain’t no slacker. He’s involved with business and work going on in the city.

This is something we should all strive to be. Men who care about the decisions that are going on where we live. Our Villages, cities, states, nations…we should be involved, we should care about what is going on where we live.

The phrase – “Behind every good man is a good woman” comes to mind. Because of the wonderful relationship that this man has with his wife – he is free to be a decision maker, a mover and a shaker. She is such a woman of great character, that he is able to excel in the marketplace.

Together, this husband and wife are an amazing team.

Hubbys: Are you the kind of man that she can believe in?

Wifeys: What can your hubby do to help you believe in him?

3. vs. 28,29 – …Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”

This guy knows how to give a compliment. “Other women are nice and all, but Sweet Lips – YOU are the cream of the crop.” (that’s the SGLT version – Stu Gray Living Translation)

We need to compliment our wives. They take care of so many things. My Beautiful Wife™ is a great “administrator” person – she’s good with the bills, she’s good with the organizing of the house, the laundry, the scheduling, the food we eat… and how much do I acknowledge that?

Not nearly enough.

The compliments and encouragements have to be real. They must be heart felt, and they can’t be generic. Think of something specific that your wife does and that makes your life easier…

Then tell her!!!

To be a Proverbs 31 Husband we should:

*Trust Our Wives!

*Be a Man Worthy of a Good Woman!

*Praise Her More Often!
__

The Top 10 of ’10: For a Better Sex Life, Do This

Stu Gray — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 09:12:22 +0000

You know how NOT making a decision is actually making a decision?

The best decision we NEVER made was this:

No TV in our bedroom.

We just never had one in there.

What an awesome blessing it has been!

We have two options: Sleep or Engage with one another (ie. Sex).

Bob DeMoss says “I am convinced that the simple decision to unplug TV [even] for just one month has the power to revolutionize our relationships with our spouse, our children, our world, and most importantly with our God.” Great Thought Bob.

We have been known to cut out TV for a couple months during rerun summer. No Cake Boss or Americas Got Talent.

Its amazing the things you enjoy when there is no tv!

Apply that to your marriage bedroom.

Wow. No TV in your bedroom? Think of all the things you could be enjoying together!

Really.

So, for a better sex life, do this: Toss the TV out of your bedroom.

You’ll thank me later.

This concludes our Broadcast day.

The Top 10 of ’10: When Sex is More than Sex

Stu Gray — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 09:17:48 +0000

Editor’s Note: My friend Denise Hildreth Jones has released her latest book called Flying Solo: A Journey of Divorce, Healing and A Very Present God. Denise is an amazing person with a powerful story. If you are going through divorce this holiday season (or know a couple who is), please, I encourage you to get this book. During the Christmas Break, I’m count down the Top 10 Most Read posts here at TMB! Here’s Number 7…Enjoy!

I had the privilege of writing a guest post for Julie Sibert at Intimacy in Marriage. She has a great blog -and really believes in encouraging Christian women in their sexual intimacy with their husbands.

I wanted to take some time to write about sex from a guy’s perspective, since lots of her readers are women! So, I offered up something that I thought might be beneficial – and not discussed a whole lot.

For guys – Sex is More than Sex.

It has many meanings – not just the ‘physical act’.

You can read the beginning part of the list at Julie’s Blog, then when you get done, come back and get the rest of the list!

Thanks for visiting from Intimacy in Marriage!

Here’s the rest of the list!!

Sex means bonding – There are many ways that you can bond with your spouse – It happens when you make a memory together, or struggle through a hard time and come out on the other side. But, if your love making is memorable… not just something that you do as a ‘have to’ – it can be a truly bonding experience. Weaving together as husband and wife in the most intimate and wonderful way.

Sex means appreciation – I am thankful that my wife enjoys sex. I appreciate that very much. There are many times that she could be doing other things. (Sleeping, reading, knitting a sweater – I just made that one up). So I am very appreciative that she decides to share herself with me.

Sex means sharing – Rick Warren said it best in the very first line of his book ’40 Days of Purpose’. “It’s Not About Me.” It’s about sharing ourselves with our spouse. About giving our love. How do they like to be loved best? As a man, am I giving that type of love to my wife, so she will share herself with me?

Sex means engagement – Engagement must begin with loving words and loving actions early in the day (mentioned in the beginning of this list in the “joy of pursuit”). I have to be engaged with her life, her mind, her heart… and I have to do it early. Ziz Ziglar says that sexual intimacy doesn’t begin when the lights go out, it begins when the lights come on in the morning! I find that if I can engage daily – it is much easier to reconnect physically when the time is right.

Sex means giving pleasure – As a man, there is nothing more I love than this. If a husband is not pleasuring you the way you enjoy – help him. Gently. Encourage him. Give him coaching in what delights you. He wants to please. He likes to be a hero. Help him get there (and get you there) in the bedroom.

Sex means pleasure – Thank you God for the pleasure factor! For many years, I believed that the pleasure part was the most important part. But, as you can see from my list – it has become just one of several great reasons – that all combine into becoming ‘one’ with my spouse.

Guys chime in – is there anything I have missed?

Ladies – Does this open your eyes to what sex might mean for your husband?

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