The Lily Review

Bad Boy Meets Church Girl – Part 2

lawrence — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 06:00:45 +0000

Fourth Sunday was a prowling Sunday.

I have zero recollection of what the pastor shouted about on that day, and my wandering eye was met several times by frowns from other worshipers. Tim was helping with the search. Where was this girl?

Then I felt it. At the recesses of my manscience I felt it. She was nearby, close enough for me to see her, probably even touch her, but man I just couldn’t find her! I nudged Tim and told him to look closer, much closer.

Then I realized it. In my efforts at being a subtle hunter, I had totally forgotten to look right behind me. She had to be there. But how would I turn my head all the way round without my intentions being embarrassingly betrayed? I didn’t have to wait too long for an answer. The pastor currently proclaiming something or the other, while pacing back and forth on the podium, stopped on his tracks, and ordered all of us to stand up and greet our neighbors. I jumped up, probably a little too enthusiastically. To cover my tracks, I must have greeted at least seven people on my pew before I turned round to extend the blessings to my fellow Christians on the row behind. Brothers and Sisters I was right. She wasn’t ushering today. She was another worshipper just like me. A strikingly stunning, radiant and oh-Jesus-have-mercy sexy girl who seemed absolutely oblivious of the effect she had on the male universe.

It was time to invoke the lingering hand shake. This time she would have to notice my smile. This time she would look into my eyes and God save my soul if I did not manage get a response from her.

I didn’t.

Her smile was cordial, pretty much the same smile she was giving the rest of the congregation. She looked into my eyes but only for a split second before moving on to her next target. With no eye contact, a lingering hand shake would have been a tad awkward so I grudgingly let go. The old lady next to her, whose hand was fervently awaiting an exchange of blessings with me, would have to find another worshiper as I was done with greetings for the day.

I had to suffer the torment of utter impotence for the remainder of that service. Meanwhile I strategized and exchanged telepathic glances with Tim.

Tim: So what do you think bro?

Lawrence: Can’t do much in here. Have to wait until end of service.

Tim: And then what?

Lawrence: Not sure, but I will find a way.

Tim: You have great faith man. Pastor James would be proud.

Lawrence: When you live my life, faith, good looks and charm is all you have.

Tim: I feel you. All the best.

Lawrence: Thanks.

Two cruel hours followed and eventually the service was over. I remained sitted, deep in meditation on the risk I was just about to undertake. The nice old lady whose handshake I had just ignored was obviously someone very close to this girl. Judging from how frail she looked, my guess was that she was the girl’s grandmother. The sad fact was that the girl was happily holding the old lady’s hand, and it was clear she would not be letting go of that hand until they reached their destination.

I was not about to wait another week to officially meet this girl. It was time.

“Excuse me, uhm, I’m Sorry. I think Mum dropped this”

“Uh, I…I don’t think so. Mum is this yours?”

“What? No!”

“Oh, I found it right where you were sitted, I assumed it belonged to you”

“Sorry, it’s not ours but thanks”

Finally I got the smile I had been aching for!!

“It’s alright. Where do we take lost and found items? Uhm, I am new at the Church”

“Oh, welcome to our Church!” That was Granma.

“Thank you Mum. I feel blessed”

“Just go back in through the main door, on your left you will see a big basket, just drop it there”

“Thanks. I am sorry to disturb you Mum, have a blessed day”

“No problem Son. God bless you”

“You too. And thank you”

I looked at the girl when saying that last line; slowly, all I needed was three seconds of eye contact. And I got it.

“You are welcome”

And there was the smile again, and I could have sworn a slight blush too!!

The scarf belonged to Christine, Tim’s Wife. She wasn’t particularly amused by the thought of her scarf being brought into my Philandering ways, but then again she silently hopes that one day I meet a girl who will steal my heart, and put an end to the shenanigans. If the Scarf would help, she was in. Christine has a good heart.

In my line of work, we call that ‘an entrance’. Fifth Sunday would be ‘a foot in’.

A few good men

cazz — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 06:00:39 +0000

Mature successful woman looking for her ideal man. Your kind, intelligent, can hold your own, confident, and articulate. You know exactly how to treat a woman like a queen…consistently and without complaint.

These are the sort of postings you find on dating sites, thousands of profiles that you are either intrigued by or skip over. I’ve joined quite a number of dating sites through the years, joining the “single and free” to mingle with the rest of the cyber lonely hearts, adventurers and imposters.

Determined to make that once in a lifetime connection I turned online to meet a variety of men in the shortest period of time. Clubs and bars were just not doing it for me but I will say the occasional house party offers better prospects. I don’t enjoy church functions, wedding committees and those sorts of gatherings so when I say the pickings have been lean I really do mean it.

And from this online adventure I’ve had four actual dates; two with guys who turned out to be married, one with a too young too broke and the final with the poster boy for the booty call lifestyle. Suffice to stay it has been a learning curve.

With time I’ve found it easier to be clear about what I don’t want than dealing with the bucket list of what I definitely need. Seems damn near impossible the other way around. So I don’t want a clingy, self centered or insecure guy who can’t hold a conversation, is unmotivated and uninterested in social issues and news in general. I have three children so obviously he can’t hate children, can’t be broke or have no sense of style. White socks absolutely not allowed. Also he can’t be shorter than me, geek like or a wimp. Oh and not fat. I’m petite and I am terrified of being crushed. Mmmmm…he cannot be more than 2 years younger than me. So there you have it… my deal breakers.

I will admit that my “I will not accept nor compromise” list has not made things easier but having a clear development plan has protected me in many ways and kept me clear headed in foggy or dark times. So when a friend set me up on a blind date I was expecting a half hour chat at most before I set my exit strategy into motion. Mr New Guy turned out to be a 10 years my junior sandal wearing geek…he was also incredibly engaging, funny, respectful and most importantly his eyes didn’t glaze over or dart around in panic when I talked about my children. Three hours later I really did have to leave. He asked if he could see me again. The list forgotten I said yes.

I spent three months talking myself out of dating Mr New Guy and finally gave up trying to cheat myself out of happiness. Yes we have a lot of things to work out but getting to know each other without being bogged down by sexual overtones and excessive cynicism is slowly restoring my faith in that tribe called men. There are a few good men still left out there and so begins my journey back into intimacy and love.

How desperately we wish to maintain our trust in those we love! In the face of everything, we try to find reasons to trust. Because losing faith is worse than falling out of love
Borrowed from Housewife to Heretic by Sonia Johnson

Photo credit: rolve

Bad Boy meets Church Girl – Part 1

lawrence — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 06:00:53 +0000

In the beginning there was God, who without a doubt was fully clothed in majestic robes and clouds to cover any sections the robes couldn’t. Why he decided that his human creations would roam the earth in bare nakedness I will never understand. Thanks to the so called Original Sin, you and I can now adorn the latest in fashion wear. I guess everything happens for a reason.

Like I mentioned in my last post, I dared to rediscover the tenets of my spirituality which Ma had so ardently instilled into me. This was back in the day when my lower half seemed to dwell on the pre-original sin period, and thus preferred to go bare. Being a Roman Catholic did not seem to be yielding the desired results in my soul, and having watched a few of those high powered Protestant Sunday morning sessions on TV, I figured why not try out these folks? So I called Tim.

He and his wife (her name is Christine by the way) are now devout members of a nearby church named Church of the Living God. I will not dwell on the implication this name has on other churches and the gods they serve. Let me also add that I use the word devout very loosely considering Tim would not be caught dead in a church if it wasn’t for Christine. To sustain this new found obligation, he has grown a disturbing liking for Gospel Music. During the worst part of these services i.e. the sermon, he goes into a temporary trance and replays the songs in his head. Those two hours fly by like a kite. If Christine knew this she would flip.

Tim was ecstatic at my proposition to join them for the next Sunday’s service. The thought of having me sitting next to him in a Church was far too amusing. But I was serious. I was going to give Salvation a shot, get me a Saved girl, preferably one of those fine mamacitas who I see leading Praise and Worship on TV, take her home to Ma, get this marriage issue out of the family discussions, get a couple of little Lawrenzoninos and consider that chapter closed. What could possibly go wrong?

Two Sundays went by. Two Sundays in which I woke up earlier than my body is designed to, took shots of really strong coffee to postpone the hangover for 3 hours, and waited upon Tim and his beloved Christine to pick me up. Two Sundays in which I had to watch two Pastors subjecting their Voice boxes to inexplicable atrocities. If you have a microphone, why feel the need to shout your voice box hoarse?

Two Sundays in which I had to part with Six rounds worth of mulla thanks to the watchful eye of a prowling usher, and the accompaniment of some Junior Pastor proclaiming doom for those of us who did not dig deeper into our pockets. Two Sundays in which I watched the rest of humanity feeling things I could not feel, speaking languages I could not understand and ranting ‘Yes!’ and ‘Jesus!’ over and over so many times I can still hear them in my sleep. It was torture.

I have to admit though that the musical spin doctors in this Church can give the DJ at Kamau’s a serious run for his money. I also got to watch some popular local Gospel artists perform live which was quite a treat. On this note I made peace with my departed 6 rounds worth.

On the Third Sunday I said a silent prayer to God before heading out to meet Tim. The Bible says that Three is a symbol of perfection, completion and fulfillment. Something about the Holy Trinity being a three in one situation. Being the third Sunday, all I asked God to do was be a sport and show me the girl who would fulfill my life long search. And he did! Can I get an Amen?

Stella was an Usher. I think she still is.

In a vintage beige flowery dress, complete with black leggings and a pink scarf draped around a slender neck, with hair so dark, so rich and modestly brushed down without the slightest effort to style it up, this Girl was a sight to behold. The only out of place thing about this girl’s style was the ugly usher’s sash that hung over her shoulder.

Now folks, I have never picked up a girl at a church before. Tim said all I had to do was offer a warm smile. But my smile is the kind that says ‘Your mirror does not do justice to the true magnificence that is the beauty that I now gaze upon’. Stella did not seem to acknowledge this tacit complement, as she ambled on to the next pew without offering even the slightest hint that I had made any effect whatsoever.

It was so on.

2011 Chronicles – Musings of a lost Soul

lawrence — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 06:00:21 +0000

My Mother told me to marry a girl who is neither too beautiful that she bewitches, and not too ugly that she twitches. Wise words.

I am 27, single (yes, again) and of middle class financial standing. Life is not going according to plan. Back in my campus days, when I had my whole future staring at me (to quote a certain lecturer), I made a vow that I would make my first million at 25. In fact, it was a pact between my roommate and I. He isn’t a millionaire either, but Tim (remember him?) is newly married. He is one gigantic step ahead of me. Turns out boyish charm, a six pack and a ruthlessly handsome face are not enough to land you a Kawify.

Mr. Editor has asked me to try and summarize my 2011 in as few words as possible, in exchange for several rounds at Kamau’s, my favorite local. I owe it to my gut to earn those rounds, especially in as harsh a month as Januworry. This month is cursed.

Spirituality
I made a futile attempt at reconnecting with my Spiritual side. I called up my Spiritual Advisor from back back in the day (funny I still had his number) and we had a lengthy chat. He shared the same sentiments he had back back in the day about sacraments, frequent mass, chastity and of course marrying a Catholic girl.

I had a stint at Church of the Living God in search of a Christian girlfriend, and as it turns out, they are just as screwed up as the ones I meet in clubs at Westlands (I have a whole story to share on this one).

I also made forays into the world of Islam, and honestly I admired their Spirituality. My contact from the Muslim side took me through the intricacies of Mohammed, Mecca and the whole five prayers a day fiasco. If you think Catholics are too complicated, try Islam.

Two months of searching and, nothing. My life was still better off away from the temples, mosques and churches. So I chose to remain churchless.

Relationships
2011 was an exploration year as much as it was a hell of a year in the bedroom. If my bedroom walls could talk they would be speechless. Having lost a very special girl in 2010, I went through a near fatal rebound phase while the rest of humanity celebrated New years. On Tim’s advice, I decided to focus my energies on my work and stay away from girls. This became tricky when the hottest Editor on planet earth joined the company as a consultant. The girl had it all; brains, beauty and a body that defied logic.

The girl turned out to be engaged, which in my world means at least three months of working my way in before launching the fishing nets. It took four months and it cost me a fortune. Despite moves that would have brought Condoleezza Rice to her knees, all I got from Mary was a peck on the cheek one Starry night and a ‘Lawrence, you are a sweet guy, but I’m Sorry. This cannot happen’. There and then I knew that fairy tale was over.

During my run-ins with Mary I also met Kanji, a sweet girl. Kanji was exactly the kind of girl my Mom was talking about. But I was too preoccupied with Mary to give her much attention. She met a guy, dated him for six months and they are now engaged, due to be married later in the year.

Crystal finally called on 20^th October 2011 at 10.46 pm (if you knew this girl you would remember the date and time too). She had been around the world and back numerous times. This was expected, considering she works as an Air Hostess. We had an amazing November while she was on leave, easily the best month of 2011 for me. She finally cleared the air on the Smelly Affair, and made me promise that I wouldn’t tell a soul that story (this excludes Tim).

The year ended on a high note in this department.

Career
I have worked for the same Agency for three years now. I’m not quite sure what the future holds since I haven’t given it any thought.

Despite almost ruining the impending wedding of my Editor, we still did two more publications together and they were a resounding success. My job title now has the word senior before it, which means a private office and an almost extra zero on my paycheck (damn taxes). I was happy to share the good news with Kamau, the proud owner of my local and my ever amiable creditor. I could almost swear the slight rise in EABL stock share price that week is attributed to Kamau and I.

Towards the end of the year, I was approached by one of my clients on the prospect of joining his company as Marketing Manager. Crystal thinks I should go for it, while Tim says I should give it a year for my ‘Senior’ title to marinate.

Social Life
Other than being one of Tim’s Grooms men at his wedding (can you imagine the idiot didn’t give me the best man position?), I wouldn’t say I have had much else of a Social Life. Though if you count the escapades with people’s daughters in and around this beautiful country, then I have had a pretty good Social Life.

Tim attempted to get me into a ‘Chama’. That was two hours of my life I’m never getting back.

Financial Well-being
I am not broke. Far from it, well, except for this silly month that is January. Despite being the source of half of Kamau’s monthly revenue, I manage to retain just enough money to put into a few investments here and there. My land lady (Tim believes she is trying to Cougar me) has let me in on a few of her real estate ventures and last December I got my first real return from my investments, a mighty handsome Cheque. Crystal is the proud owner of a very exquisite Necklace thanks to that Cheque. That necklace could have paid school fees for a couple of orphans, but they will have to wait until my next Cheque comes.

Family
This is easily the thinnest page in my book. My wonderful relationship with my Mom went out the window the day I resolved never to step back into any holy ground. My Dad and I are way too similar to get along. I have two elder sisters with whom I maintain a cordial but distant relationship.

And that’s it for Family.

2012
I know Crystal and I have no future together, so this fantasy that we are living will most likely end this year. Tim’s wife is expectant. This time he has agreed to give me the God father title. Mary is getting married in February, and I am the designated person in charge of drinks at the reception. A Sacred task. Something tells me Kanji and that guy will not get married. They rushed into this. If she gives me a second chance believe me I will go for it. Tim agrees with me on this point.

Have a superb 2012! Kamau awaits me.

Photo credit: dcubillas, glanzerr & v_hujer

Condoms on Facebook?

admin — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 06:00:26 +0000

Population Services International (PSI) has launched an interesting campaign to help spread the word on safe sexual practices and demonstrates the difference between having unprotected and safe sex. [Roll up or down the condom below]

How do you start a conversation on a topic that is practically taboo in a fairly conservative society? Bear in mind that the conversation has to attract as many people as possible and encourage them to discuss and share their experiences.

Population Services International (PSI) has been running a frontline crusade designed to change the sexual practices of the youth by enlightening and encouraging them to engage in safe sex by using contraceptives. Besides introducing affordable contraceptives into the market, PSI is involved in many educational projects including “The C-Word”: an initiative targeted at educating the youth on the various contraceptive options available to them, their merits and shortcomings.

In all its campaigns, PSI seeks to come up with initiatives that rhyme with the youth. As the world goes digital – with the youth riding with the tide – PSI has launched a digital campaign that will drive the youth to pay more attention to the C-Word initiative and help spread the word on safe sexual practices. The aim is to have more young people on Social Media embrace, discuss and share the message of use of contraceptives.

Hit the Iframe and join in the conversation now at: http://www.facebook.com/CwordPSI

But…what if he likes me?!?

crystal — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 05:25:16 +0000

I bumped into this tweet by @MikeMunyi a few hours ago, and at first I felt slightly offended. It seemed like a huge generalization, while at the same time, it seemed to point directly at me. But then I took a moment to think about it, and there’s actually a lot of truth in that statement.

I’m not sure why it rings so true. Speaking for myself, it’s pretty straightforward. I turn 30 in a few days, so my bio-clock should be roaring as I’m nearer to my sell-by-date. Luckily for me, I had my daughter almost ten years ago, which cured that particular bug. Another issue for women today is marriage, but I lived with my baby’s dad long enough to know that’s not for me.

Over the years, I’ve become rather ~~skeptical~~ ~~cynical~~ comfortable in my lifestyle, and I’m not too keen to alter it for anyone. I realize that relationships can be a beautiful thing, but they require a lot of sacrifice, compromise, and … well … work. I don’t really have the energy for that. I’m a born romantic, so I have no problem with love – for other people. I do, however, have a lot of problems with love when it comes to me.

There’s another category of women, the type that think men are only after one thing. Possibly because they’ve only been with men who were after that one thing. So anytime someone shows the slightest bit of interest, it’s hackles out! Now, assuming the man in question is keen enough, smart enough, and patient enough to prove he’s out for more, that creates an entirely different scenario.

I suppose it goes back to the reasons why women want to get married: kids, legitimacy, companionship, social standing, nagging relatives, and yes, love. A friend of mine was once advised by her banker that she should get married to qualify for a mortgage, so finance comes into it as well. In the world today, pooling financial resources seems like a pretty good idea, even if you’re not the type that expects your taller half to pay for all the bills.

I consider myself a modern woman. I live in a flat with my daughter, and manage our bills with both difficulty and efficiency. I come and go as I please, except for calling up my little one when I have to stay late at work. I have financial plans, both short-term and long-term, and I have a fairly rigid map of where I plan to be in ten years time.

Given all that, there isn’t really room in my life for a man.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not any kind of feminist. I admit that I sometimes need a man to get a rat out of my house. But my brothers live five minutes away, and they do that for me gladly. I also have a lot more … shall we say … base desires. But it’s sometimes easier to get those needs met outside a marriage than inside it.

And here lies the problem. I have my baby, so I don’t need a sperm donor. I pay my bills, so I don’t need a financial partner. I need male company and advice sometimes, but I have friends, cousins, and brothers who provide that gladly. I have no immense desire for a mum-in-law, and I can get my horizontal needs without a ring. So, for me, marriage is not a necessity.

But if I don’t want him to marry me, what exactly do I need him for?

See, if I meet a man who’s after my … um … assets, then all I have to do is analyze my options. I can look at him, size him up, and decide whether or not he can ‘gerrit’. Simple. But if a man comes looking for more than a one-night stand, then what? I don’t want to marry him, because I don’t want to marry anyone. I don’t want to date him, because dating is a lot of work, and is rather pointless if there’s nowhere it’s going.

I suppose dating is about spending time [and money] together, getting to know each other, doing things you both enjoy, finding out whether you’re compatible. The key difference between dating and hanging out with male friends is that dates get horizontal at some point, and ideally, progress into long-term arrangements. But if I can get horizontal without the small talk, the wining and the dining, then why date? And if you’ve been labelled as ‘ungerritable’ then why not just spend time with you as a friend?

This for me, is the problem. The boy appears, we go out a few times, we have fun, maybe we even get horizontal, but he wants more. He is ‘genuinely interested’ in me. What do I do with him now?

There are still women who are looking for the happily ever after, who long for a man like this, a man who genuinely wants to be with them for more than just one night. But there’s also a large group of smart ‘independent’ progressive women who just want to have fun and live. Maybe when this group turns 35, they’ll be ready to settle down with guys that are genuinely interested in them. I don’t know what the odds are, and I won’t get into statistics. In the west, it’s perfectly natural for a woman of 40 or even 45 to settle down and start a family, but here, you still get strange looks if you’re on the wrong side of 30 and you’re not yet a Mrs.

My brother always says the world has a way of righting itself, so maybe by the time these independent women turn 35, it will be more acceptable to slow down and join the league of ball and chains. But until then, we will have some attending seminars like these, others complaining there are no good men left, and others being overwhelmed by good men that they don’t know what to do with.

Ask Lily: Anger Management Classes

admin — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 07:34:22 +0000

Hi,

I have anger issues and it makes things really hard for me and my husband. Am scared, I try ways to get away from it like telling him to talk to me later but he goes on and that ticks me off. And I end up doing things that sometimes I don’t even remember I did.

Please let me know where i can go for anger management classes.

Rachel

Head over heels

Mwesh — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 07:43:24 +0000

Whom are we kidding.There is a man out there for each one of us. The obvious and cliche “men are dogs” is just that ,a cliche. We make our men the way we want them to be. If you are an annoying little thing then your man will not want to be around you at all. Now back to the essence and topic of the story.

I have always been one to believe in love and I know that until I am no more something inside me will always love no matter what. I am the kind of person who even though you do the most annoying thing that apparently am supposed to be mad about, I will and then forget that I was mad. This is the contrary to love. If I want something I will go for it. Recently it has proved futile and I am beginning to think that probably it is because the game has changed a lot.

I am saying this because, how do you like someone who waits so long to actually tell you that they feel the same about you. And in this case its black and white, written all over them,you do not need divine intervention on this one. Pride is one thing that we all have and it blocks so many things on our paths. Anyway as a justification I am not saying that just because I am a woman that I will sit and rack my brain waiting for you to come up to me a month or so later with your feelings all laid down like an architectural plan.

You know, am coming to think that am better off saying and laying down my feelings for the other person to see and comprehend. Its like a whole load has been lifted off me. Later I can concentrate on other meaningful things in my life. I am allowed to air out my views on what I feel if it is for my best interest. All in all am still on this horse flying high no matter what he thinks. Funny thing is I never make excuses for silence,all I know is somehow he will think about it and when reality hits him, he will probably be too late to figure out if it would have made sense at all.

That’s just how life is!!

Going Natural

bailey — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 06:00:01 +0000

Stella Mwangi - STL

I’m sure you’ve all seen them, the dreadlocked, curly-haired, braided, kinky-tressed (or Afro-kinky-tressed) ladies all over town. These days when I walk around the city centre, or go to any event that has several ladies in attendance, I notice it. More than half of the ladies have some form of natural hair style. Is it a trend? Yes. Is it more than a trend? I think so. I think the natural hair phenomenon is more than a sensation and it is here to stay.

I am one of the natural-hair sporting ladies I’m talking about. After several misadventures with a certain hairdresser, my colored and permed hair started to fall off (or rather, I had large short-hair patches all over my head). It was disastrous! My once pride-and-joy locks were no more!

I must confess I am a perfectionist. I can’t stand half-finished or shoddy jobs. So there was no way I was going to walk around with half-long, half-short hair. And that’s when it hit me. I was going to cut my hair and go natural!!

After a few months of deliberating, while braiding my hair, I decided I was going to grow it out and then cut off the perm when my hair got to a considerable length. For six months, I plaited, undid the braids, plaited, undid the braids… then one day when I was washing my hair and trying to detangle the permed ends, I got fed up. What was I doing? The permed hair needed to go! So I grabbed a pair of scissors and promptly chopped off all the permed hair. The shock! I had short hair the length of my pinkie finger!I have never had hair that short since I was a child. Funny enough, I was so thrilled! I had taken the plunge! Self-actualization!

I’m still growing it and braiding it. It’s like double that length now. Let me tell you, you will never know the true meaning of bad hair days until you sport the true afro kinky hair. Mine is not the delightfully soft ones either, no. It’s the real deal. It looks great as an afro though. I love it. I just need the guts to sport that afro when going to work and not always cover it up in braids.

So, what I love about natural hair is the do-it-yourself aspect of it. I’ve always loved to do hair. I love washing and styling it myself. I’m glad I don’t have to rely on a hairdresser who will have their way with my hair to do harm (clearly still traumatized).

My natural hair is here to stay (at least for a year or two anyway )

Ask Lily: Is my husband cheating on me?

admin — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 06:35:23 +0000

Ok i need to know if these signs sound like cheating to you. I have a gut feeling that my husband has been cheating here are some of the signs over the past year.

Accusing me of having an affair on several occaisions like if i miss his call i will get a text ok have fun with your friend.. he also goes places with his friends. he used to invite me but work would hold me up because it was never preplanned, now he just tells me he is going and doesn’t come home till the next morning or afternoon cause he does’nt want to drink and drive.

The newest is that he put a security lock on his computers and told me to stay off his phone because i do not pay the bill. this weekend he went out with his friends didn’t invite me . called me later in the evening and I asked if one of his friends wife went with them and he said no but she said she would have if you would have come. I told him to be sure to let her know I wasn’t invited to come. then i woke up to find him home on the couch at 4am and he had to drive an hour to get home. I asked him why are you home you were drinking he said i didn’t feel like staying and I only had 4 beers all night. this is the first time he did that. could the conversation earlier made him feel guilty to come home. he slept most of the day but I killed him in kindness and he almost got mad because i was being so nice and not fighting like i usually would for inviting me after he is there. he has even begun to tell me he thinks i have someting going on with the neighbour..

I have found naked (professional) not self taken pictures on his cell when i do get access and the last fight i brought it up he had all that but not one of me on his phone and he said his friend sent them. I told him ya and what married men do is look laugh and reply but dont save them and star them on your phone.

So with all this info i do think these changes are leading me to think he is cheating. do i ask his friends and risk them saying hey your crazy wife called me… or do i do as my mom said to me what goes on in the dark …. will eventually be seen in the light…

Should i just wait for his own lies to screw himself. Any suggestions?

Runaway Mom

cazz — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 06:57:39 +0000

“There’s a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there’s a hell a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect” Roseanne Barr

I have a confession. I hereby confess that nothing, nothing, nothing could have prepared me for being a mom. Don’t get me wrong, it has more perks than cons, but even moms need to get away from it all ….and recently I ran away from home… again. Let me explain.

My brood of 3 range in age between 17 and 11. My teen daughter constantly reminds me why female animals eat their young. The fear of jail time is the only thing that holds me back at times. I wasn’t a model teen, and life has a strange way of repeating itself, but this my daughter is like a cool glass of stress. One son has a pathological hatred for homework and requires constant follow up which is quite frankly punishment. I hate going through his homework as much as he hates doing it. And my other son has my stubborn streak. When he decides not to do something … well you’ll do it for him then.

The first time I ran away was after a particularly harrowing shopping trip with my sons. They were toddlers and I still believed them to only be misguided angels at times. We get to Nakumatt and lo and behold they’ve introduced cute shopping carts with the cars on the front. Dilemma moment: who will sit in the cart, who will sit in the car? I don’t expect the boys to decide so I do. I reach out for a regular cart and then all hell breaks loose. The angels drop to the floor and start screaming. I try picking them up, tell them to be quiet. More screams. By now people are staring and against all odds, I am turning red with embarrassment. I grab each hand and start dragging them out. They are still kicking, screaming and I’m beginning to feel like a criminal. Two security guards approach and choking back tears, I explain that I am not a kidnapper and ask them to help me. Like knights in shining armors they grab one each and I shakily lead them to the car. It takes me over 15 minutes to compose myself and start the car. Having sensed my rage, by now the boys are quiet and actually looking nervous. I drive in steely silence and when we get home I ask the nanny to follow me out to the car. Concerned she asks what’s going on and as I explain I hand them over and drive off to the refuge that only childless friends can offer. I finally go back home late knowing they will be asleep. Phew.

I ran away the second time after a sudden and brutal breakdown. I had been working some grueling hours and felt altogether overwhelmed. By now daughter was in form one and the boys in lower primary. The year had been plaugued by constant battles over finishing homework and getting better grades. What should have been a relaxed Saturday morning became my tear fest. Screaming like a banshee I berated the children over their grades, their attitude, their rooms, global warming, anything I could think of. They just stared at me in that way that shocked children do and, to save face, I locked myself in the bathroom. An hour later, dressed and my eyes less puffy, I called my mother and explained I was fed up and running away and that I expected her to come right over and deal with her grandchildren. This time the refuge was the spa and over endless treatments and a glass of wine I contemplated my next move. I ended having dinner with friends and eventually got home late knowing they would be asleep. Phew.

This August I ran away for the third time. Daughter now 17 and the boys fast approaching their teens; dynamics in the house are now marked by increased sulking and the usual homework and attitude issues. My home is no longer a sanctuary and the last bastion of peace, my bedroom, is fast coming under attack. Burnt out from a grueling project I’ve finally completed and fed up in general I wake up to the usual domestic drama and I know I can take it no more. I request a family meeting and weeping uncontrollably I tell them I TOTALLY FED UP with the drama. Once again the pseudo innocent bewildered stares. I pack a bag and tell them I’ll be staying with girlfriends for a few days. And once again I call the only person who will understand… my mom. A few days later rested and rejuvenated I come back home. And this time they are all awake and as we hugged and kissed I knew bygones were bygones.

Will I run away again? Probably! I’ve become pretty good at it and I recommend it to any mom when she feels its all too much. Moms need a break too and it’s okay. For if we are drained, what will be left over for them?

Love at first sight

Mwesh — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 06:00:19 +0000

For a while now I have been began to wonder if any one could ever remember their first crush. Whether it was your neighbor who was like 2 years old and you were 3. At that moment it does not seem like a crush but you seem to want to spend more time with them.What do you call that?

Rewind the clock and ask yourself, what if your first crush was the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. That one moment of contact is the defining moment of eternity, would you really want to actually spend the rest of your life with them? It is a grand feeling those 5 seconds of staring and analyzing, though it does not count for eternity. I have a problem with love at first sight, I don’t believe it exists. How do you meet a person, less than half an hour later you are in love? Not in this world. No way!! Unless you are superhuman and you have already taken a journey through this other persons world and know everything about them.

Get over yourself with this “love at first sight”. Yes I am old fashioned and I believe in getting to know a person. It does not happen in a day and it takes time. After that in reciprocate I want to know what the other person is feeling because I would not want to waste my time getting to know a person who does not even come remotely close to what I feel. I mean there has to be a balance his/her believes and mine. It will be a waste of time and I believe its better to move on than waste your energy on something that is not gonna happen. There are people who force themselves to situations and circumstances that are clear as day that they will not have any headway.

Fine, you think you something special with this person then you realize that it will not happen. Dust yourself up, pick up your pride and run because you will look desperate as if all men or women in the world just got sold out. Realize that you have far more potential than you give yourself credit for. People are dispensable and if it was not meant to be then it REALLY was not meant to be. At what point does the brain come to register that? I don’t know but sometimes its good to get over some situations faster because they are not worth the effort.

I don’t know whether this quote is true’ There is someone out there for everyone” but if it is then wait your turn. If you finally do meet someone who is on the same page as yourself then case closed. One happy person, 100 Billion to go.

Why I’m not Chips Funga material

cazz — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 06:00:51 +0000

If your about my age you’ll remember the 1986 movie ‘About last night” (yeah 1986) starring 80’s brat packers Demi Moore and Rob Lowe. A romance that started with a one night stand. Sigh.

Well since then the whole one night stand story has been done over and over again and from every angle. Literally. From booty call to friends with benefits there is no real conclusion to draw yet on the sexual exploits of the consenting adult.

I’ve never really been into the one night stand but when I was younger it wasn’t as daunting to deal with but now, after 6 years of being single again, I can comfortably say hell to the no. I am definitely not chips funga material and here are my top 5 reasons why…starting from no 5.

5. What if I hate his house?
I am picky picky and the only surprises I want anymore are gifts. I imagine myself wondering if the sheets are clean, what if there’s no toilet paper in the loo, can I trust this towel… just too many conflicting emotions that would dampen any passion I could muster.

4. I am a creature of comfort.
There I said it. Getting all hot and heavy strikes me as passionate but uncomfortable. I need my fluffed up pillows, my breakfast in bed, my slow awakening. I do not have the energy to wake up pre-sparrow’s fart to get my face and make up in order ala soap opera vixen just to look all fresh and doe eyed. I want to sleep and wake up as I wish… looking as I do. No pressure please.

3. Breakfast
Breakfast is a key meal for me and I love it un-rushed and on time. The act of throwing me out of your house pre-dawn makes me cringe. I mean don’t I deserve at least a decent breakfast before the walk of shame?

2. The logistics put me off.
Think about it. I have 3 kids and a house lady. We live in an apartment block and I can just about hear the neighbors when they fart. The notion that a night of passion would go unnoticed is a miracle to say the least. Like a cat I just don’t want the world to know my business.

1. I am the eternal cynical romantic.
I don’t want one night. I want the package deal. Unlike the fairytale movie “About last night”, it’s highly unlikely a chips funga moment would end in an amazing lasting relationship.

In my world sexual liberation and exploration is not marked by being compared to a packet of chips in soggy paper. So yes … I am not chips funga material.

Friends @ work with caution

Naomie — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 06:00:56 +0000

How easy is it to make friends at the work place? Some surveys even say that the work place is one place easy enough to find that special some one that you will spend the rest of your life with. A myth you may say, but this makes sense, we spend almost 60% of our weekdays (some even more) interacting with work colleagues.

Its never easy making new friends if you have just joined a company, and some times you may think people are your friends because, well they’re nice to you. Now that, is a myth!

Larger organisations tend to have a lot more politics and drama. I know this because i have eaten at both ends of the stick; smaller organisations are like family because you bond more when you are fewer. Back biting and stepping all over everyone , leaving stilleto heel marks as you make your way to the top is common when it comes to the big companies. Its like people spend their time scheming, strategizing and assessing how they can get to the top. One then wonders when they ever have time to actually work or to meet deadlines.

Friendship at work can at times be tricky, it may land you in:

Very compromising situations that you are just not sure how to handle and have the potential to compromise your morals and values
Ending up doing something for someone that you would rather not have done, but because you are pals at work, then scratch my back and I’l scratch yours
Pulling someone else’s weight while they are busy attending to other issues which most times are not work related

Truthfully though i think being cordial, polite and friendly to colleaugues is more than enough. Think about it though, the minute you start getting to know a colleagues problems intimately, especially the personal ones then all of a sudden you begin to change your perception of how you used to view this person. This is what you begine to think.

So, Nina who had domes with her mbotch, all of a sudden you think she’s a mean mathee, afterall how can she pay her mbotch less than minimum wage yet you know all too well what her salary is? And she says she’s saved?

And Joyce could not stop talking about her boyfie and how he loves her so much he planned this fabulous gettaway to Naivasha though she truthfully is feeling Jamo from the downstairs tour company more but he isn’t as wealthy. ‘Kuumbe… i never knew what a gold digger this mama could be.’

I guess all i am trying to say is, though we may be different personalities you don’t have to try so hard for everyone at work to like you, i mean if you connect with one special someone great, all power to you, whats important is focussing on why you are there in the first place. To Work!

Latex irritant or just not feeling like

Mwesh — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 06:00:11 +0000

I have this question that has been floating in my mind for a while now. At what point in a man’s life does he decide that he cannot use condoms any more with his girlfriend? (Note I said girlfriend not wife). I have heard this with most of my friends and am left to wonder how a man decides to tell his girlfriend that he does not feel like wearing a condom. There is no particular reason for him saying this he just does not want. I am an advocate for use protection when playing bedroom games but this has baffled me and am speechless and have no conclusive analysis on it.

Take Alice, she has been in a relationship for one year and her man does not want to use protection yet in his house he has a whole pack of them. Am not sure whether Alice does not want him to use them but from what I gather the man does not want to, yet she goes along with this and she is constantly on contraceptive pills which ended up ruining her body. When I say ruin, I mean ruin her body to a point she was not sure what to do. On the other extreme end her man is sleeping with other women and using protection. Is Alice justified to actually stop sleeping with her man or is she in imminent danger if she does not get out of the relationship?

Alice is not alone, Brenda is another victim, she feels her man tells her that he does not feel like using condoms, again with no reason, she has now started using oral contraceptive almost three times in a week and am really worried for her. As I listen to Brenda, am not sure what advice I can give her but from the look of things she is heading for a rather steep slope in her relationship.

I am still wondering how this actually happens and how these women and others amongst us who actually go through this with no word for themselves. Personally unless am planning for a baby I am a very strong activist on using protection. It is not fair to put a woman through such trauma. I don’t know but that’s my take. What’s yours on this?

Urban Pastoralist

cazz — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 06:00:17 +0000

Back in the married days I had a number of friends going through the usual rough patches in their relationships and, you know, we talked about almost everything. The truly unhappy shared their plans to leave and we, clue less at the time, marveled at their resolve and determination while pitying them. How could they possibly think they could leave their husbands and survive!

Well I soon found out. Since my marriage ended 6 years ago I have moved 7 times. And it’s been quite the journey.

Move 1
The kids, dogs, staff and I leave our gorgeous 2 storey on 2 acres in the suburbs to a similar property in the same area. I will admit it was too hard to make a huge adjustment and I hung in there for 4 months out of pride and fear. Reality struck when I just couldn’t afford it any more. I turned to the kids and finally introduced them to me – I had been fortunate enough to work from home all their lives. It was time for them to meet the hustler who would do whatever it takes to keep her family going.

Move 2
All staff but one now gone. Dogs settled in new homes. Laden with the trappings of a larger home we move into a maisonette. Somehow everything fits. Bliss. The kids are thrilled to live so close to other people and within no time they have friends. A few months later there are threats of a rent increase and at this point I spend more time working than anything else. It can only get worse if I have to raise this extra money. I want time with my family so its time to look for a cheaper place.

Move 3
Still laden with the trappings of a life now past we move into the sort of house I never really imagined myself living in. Built with no real plan but in a convenient area I’m just happy that everything can fit. Security isn’t great and the dust is annoying to say the least, but the price is good and getting the kids to school isn’t a nightmare. Two months later the election violence breaks out and I discover tribalism is real. The neighborhood borders a section of Kibera and it turns out some of us are not welcome. The kids and I have 24 hours to leave and that we do as we pray that everything we’re leaving behind will be safe.

Move 4
All the trappings are at the house we’ve left. Its holiday time and the kids and I are welcomed to the ex’s house. It’s a safety issue and I’m happy we’re all okay. Nightmare station – how can I be back in the same house with this man! God are you serious!!! Well suffice to say I am reminded of my IDP status daily and I bite back every word as I plan our great escape. By now I’ve managed to get all our stuff out of the old house and it’s in storage. Two months later I find a beautiful bungalow back in the suburbs. Kids lets go.

Move 5
Beautiful bungalow is like a wonderful treat after torture. We quickly settle in and it’s finally time to commit to some dogs again. The kids are thrilled. It’s starting to feel like an actual proper family again. Everything fits in the house and with time I accumulate more and more that I pack into the handy huge garage. We spend a glorious 2 years here and then the notice comes in: landlord wants to develop the property. Three months later we move and the dogs are given to loving homes.

Move 6
Corner maisonette in a gated community. Nice. This time we haven’t moved with much. I’ve sold as much of the extra trappings as I possibly can and I’ve finally finally gone through all the papers and mementos of a former life that I lugged around everywhere. And for the first time I feel truly free because now I can create new memories and traditions for my family. I don’t have to look back anymore with my what if’s. I finally understand that I’ve been given an awesome new slate and it’s a gift, not a burden. By the time I’m finished purging I have to call in a truck to haul all the garbage away.

Move 7
Well soon after moving into corner house I get a notice: landlord has decided to sell the property. Shock turns to anger. Seriously! And in anger I immediately give a months notice and make the biggest financial decision of my life – I am going to buy my own place. I rally the troops and share the outline of our newest adventure – we have to downsize and cut our expenses because I want to buy us our own place. It will take sacrifice and err we’re moving a bit further away, sort of past Ngong. Remember Ngong? Yes, yes towards Kiserian. Yes that’s Kajiado. I know baby …

And here we are. The hills to my back this urban pastoralist is content. Adjusting is a work in progress but wow what a journey it’s been. I’ve learnt that I’m a lot stronger than I imagined. I know now that I don’t need stuff to fuel my memories. I can take those anywhere, anytime. I’ve discovered that children are more resilient than we give them credit for and that nothing beats being who you really are with them. I’m no longer bothered by the opinions of peers and I will live my life to its beat. My eye is squarely on the prize.

I know a lot of women stay in damaging relationships out of fear and worry. How will they survive? What will happen to the children? What will people say? I cannot judge but many of us also asked those questions and the journey of re-discovery and healing has been tough yet incredibly rewarding.

Money Secrets that changed my life

Naomie — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 06:00:09 +0000

Lucky for me i have never really been a big spender when it comes to buying material things. I am however a spender when it comes to travelling and to wanting nice new exhillarating experiences. My personal favorite is that i love to take at least one international vacation a year, and go visit friends and family in the diaspora or elsewhere, plus i then take a few local trips. Travel isn’t cheap, why lie neither is it fun when you are broke. You should never let money rule your life because some day you may end up even compromising your morals just for some fast cash.

A church pastor preached a sermon on money that completely changed my life with money. Truly, money comes and it goes, some people are always broke and some seem to always have cash to do stuff or so they appear to. There’s also the danger of the credit card which is a story for another day. Where was i…yes the secrets to success in managing your money, it was an aha light bulb moment for me:

1. Give
There are people who are stingy whether or not they know it i guess its up to them. But the thing is, you cannot afford to be stingy in this day and age, because what goes around comes around. Give money when and if you can. If a guy is begging for som cash, don’t brush him off you can give if something in your heart stirs or if you have the cash to do so in the first place.

Giving also means that you will recieve in return whether or not you realise it. You can give to a neighbour or even to a friend in need but don’t give expecting something in return because then it would not be giving with the right heart. Give because something has moved you about someone elses situation and you feel you want to do something about it.

2. Give to God
At this precise time, you are in exactly the position that God wants you to be in, whether its a family crisis, a new baby, a new job, joblessness, divorce, death of a child, successful project, prormotion at work you name it. All things belong to God and the minute you begin to understand this, managing money will be a thing of the past for you.

You are not a CEO out of your own doing, yes you may have qualifications, and all but really God can get you fired in an instant. Its important to tithe, not because the Bible says so but because that money does not belong to you in the first place. Tithing is a controversial topic so i will end there.

3. Save
Its important to save. For emergencies, for your future, to buy a car, to placce a deposit on something, to travel, etc Saving allows you to be prepared for your future, and helps you when you perhaps mistakenly lose your job or get a death, illness or marriage in your family. Loans should only be taken to invest in an asset that will bring you an income. The reason for saving is so that you will not have to live in debt. People say they dont have enough money to save but thats a lie, everyone can save if they make it a priority just the same way you pay your bills, you should save.

4. Pay your taxes
Well the tax man needs his money, whether you like it or not you should pay your taxes. Some of us pay by default as a deduction from our pay slips, though even if you are not employed and are in business you should still pay your taxes. Literally, you’d be robbing the government if you don’t.

Truthfully i wasn’t really doing all the above, but now that i am i can assure you i feel much better and happier about my life and most important money doesn’t manage me, i manage it.

Of Men and Ambitious Spouses

admin — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 09:10:29 +0000

Well, it is known that ambition can creep as well as soar.”
Edmund Burke

‘When I grow up I want to conquer the world, I’ve got to have my own job, my own car, and my own crib. I’ve got to be my own woman, totally independent.’ A group of young girls at a teenage workshop made these strong statements. It exhilarated me to see the determination that these young women had. Despite my support for their enthusiasm at living fruitful lives, it got my mind wondering of the older generation. Women who have stood up and taken a chance at conquering the world.

Nowadays, the issue of gender no longer takes precedence in our social debates. When it does, it is not an eye catcher as it used to be back then. When I was growing up, women took up to the streets demanding for their rights and equal treatment as their male counter parts. With time, things have changed and today’s world is easily settling down to the idea of a modern woman. She can do just as much as any man can do. She has become a breadwinner, a leader in all contexts. Be it in politics, religion, academics, and the world of business. She walks shoulder high and exhumes great confidence, takes on the world without any inhibitions; she is surely living up her newly found status.

We might want to be fully independent as women, but we want love and companionship too. We want a beautiful world where we find compatible partners who support and grow together with us. Some of us are lucky to find such men but the majority of us have quite a different story to tell. A part of the male population is still intimidated by the idea of a strong and ambitious woman. The sight of any signs of ambition spells insecurities leading to them, scramming to dark corners.

“Hush babie hush”, such has been the response given by most insecure men in a bid to quell their spouses sprouting horns off ambition.

Catherine, a middle-aged woman has been married to her husband for almost five years now. Though she is a working woman, she still feels like she needs to do more with her life. She wants to achieve and accomplish her full potential. So, having thought it through and convinced that putting up her own business was the way to go, she set out to share her thoughts with John. Excited and greatly anticipating the birth of a new venture, she did so and to her disbelief, she was not quite prepared for the response that hit her.

“You know, there is no way you can come up with enough capital, and babie, you know you cannot do this. Don’t you have your job?” Said her hubby. She was completely dumbfounded. Wasn’t this the man meant to urge her on, and help her overcome any obstacles? What was she supposed to say to him now? Her closest source of support was only concerned with whether she really had enough capital for start up. He kept on and on but Catherine was lost to everything he said. Her husband wanted her satisfied with her job and taking care of their kids. On the verge of tears, she tells me of how she had nodded and sworn not to bring up the subject again. And just like that, like a rose withers and dies, Catherine’s dream was crushed and smothered into tiny inconceivable little pieces. I guarantee you that this experience is not any exceptional. Dreams of most ambitious women suffer the same inconceivable fate.

Emotional beings as we are, we hold on to what is familiar to us and choose to stick to the fate that has been handed to us by our spouses. Because, when it comes down to it we don’t want to lose our husbands, let alone our kids.

Why do we really have to succumb to this fate? Ambitious women love life, they are bubbly and happy, challenged by situations and determined to conquer any inhibitions. Like any other woman, all they want from their spouses is love and support. They want their men to be a part of their life’s adventures. They want them to feel loved and accepted for who they are and not threatened by them. Is it really necessary to clip our sprouting wings for us as women, to achieve happiness? Is it really the only way to go?

Most women like Catherine when faced with such criticism from their spouses let their ideas die while others inspired and fueled to succeed continue on and hold a burning candle for their dreams.

Kay, now a manager of her own business says that it is not easy to face an insecure husband, especially one threatened by your ambitions.”It was tough knowing that my husband was not being supportive but I chose to go ahead and make my dream come true. “He felt that with my success I would be no longer reachable, that I would not have time for him and most especially that I would get to interact with a lot of men in my line of work.” She says. Despite her efforts to assure him of her sincerity, he seemed relentless. Kay made a decision not to mention it to him again and kept building her ideas secretly. And ten years now, she is happy and successful but unfortunately, her marriage isn’t.

They say that behind every successful man is a great woman, but pray tell me why it can never be the other way round. That behind every successful woman is a great man.

I know something though, that you might not have figured out yet. That, no man lacking in ambition wants an ambitious woman around. All a man wants is someone they can pat on the shoulder and nudge forward, someone ready to stretch out their hands and look up to them like gods and beg for their help. You can imagine what happens when such a man is faced by a woman who wants her own. They either hit back physically or sip at your emotions and then act the victim. They play around with your own insecurities and manipulate your every move.

It’s sad though, that most women are not ready to stand up for their dreams. We took the step to fight for recognition as equals to our male counterparts. So then, what are we doing letting men trample on us. For what are we in our relationships when all we feel is suffocated and enclosed in a tight vacuum? We must realize that no happiness comes before our own. And that to venture successfully in anything we must satisfy our own hearts first.

Take a look around, at that female personality that you look up to. Think of the many women that have made it and from their lives take a leaf. What we learn every day, is that we are a creation of utter magnificence and to look down on ourselves, let alone letting others prey on us is not just an injustice to ourselves but also a lack of respect for our creator.

Author: Jecinta Githaiga
Bio: I live in Nairobi and love writing. I write about women’s lives and issues in the modern world. My hopes are to inspire and enlighten Kenyan women into being exceptional beings.

Are you drinking the healthiest tea?

arimifoods — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 06:00:34 +0000

Tea is the most popular and widely consumed drink in the world second to water.

Tea was discovered by Chinese more than 5000 years ago. It was popularized and commercialized by the English. But did they popularize the healthiest tea?

There are three types of tea depending on the level of processing; unfermented, partially fermented and fermented tea. Actually, the correct term for the process that tea undergoes is oxidation rather than fermentation.

Based on these three processes, there is white tea, green tea, Oolong and black tea.

White tea, as the name suggests is white in colour and is the healthiest of all types of teas.

To process white tea, the buds and young tea leaves are picked when they are undeveloped, shortly before they are fully open. Sometimes the young buds are sheltered/covered from sunlight to prevent developing the green pigment called chlorophyll found in plants.

The plucked young leaves are immediately steamed and dried; these two processes are often done in the farm. Quick and minimum processing helps the white tea to retain the highest level of antioxidants and has the lowest level of caffeine than any other tea.

The closest cousin of white tea in powerful health constituents is green tea. Chinese were the first to make green tea. Chinese exposed the plucked and chopped tea leaves to vapour from hot water shortly after harvesting followed by drying in the sun. At the outset, it was thought that this was just a drying process. It is now known that the process did more than drying; it inactivated an enzyme in tea called polyphenol oxidase. Inactivation of polyphenol oxidase ensured this enzyme did not interfere with the good compounds in the tea leaves. The final colour of this type of tea remains green after processing; giving birth to the name, green tea.

Nowadays, green tea is processed by steaming (scientifically known as blanching) the plucked tea leaves and drying them immediately after cutting and rolling. This inactivates the enzymes leaving all the healthy and medicinal chemicals in green tea unaffected or slightly affected.

Green tea is well known for its super health benefits, but it is poorly received by many consumers due to its flavour. But the trend is changing.

Oolong tea is a partially oxidised tea. Processing of Oolong tea follows similar steps as green tea, but the cut and rolled tea leaves stand for slightly longer periods (usually less than an hour) before drying. The waiting period prior to drying allows the enzymes to partially breakdown some chemicals in tea leaves lowering its healthy qualities. This greenish-black tea falls in-between green tea and the well known black tea.

If the tea leaves are withered, macerated and allowed to stand for longer periods usually between 90 and 120 minutes before drying, the enzymes break down the chemicals producing the black tea. This is the most common and widely consumed tea.

Among the types of tea, green and oolong tea are commonly consumed in Asian countries mainly China, Japan, India and Thailand, while black tea is most popular in European countries, their colonies and America.

In terms of medicinal and health properties, white tea is the healthiest followed by green, Oolong and the least rated is black tea.

White tea is expensive while Oolong tea is consumed in limited countries.

Black tea’s popularity is based on its wide acceptance and consumption in Europe, America and Africa, while green tea’s popularity stems from its medicinal and health benefits.

Quantitatively, green tea has twice the amount of antioxidants compared to black tea per serving. This makes green tea more protective to the body cells against degenerative damages of oxidation.

The high levels of antioxidants in green tea are due to less severe processing. On the other hand, the long period before drying of chopped leaves in black tea causes the good chemicals to change to less effective chemicals.

The American Medical Association shows that green tea can lower cholesterol levels, high blood pressure, and reduce the risk of strokes (especially in men).

The National Cancer Institute reports that because of the highly effective anti-oxidants in green tea, it can ward off various types of cancer.

There are many other therapeutic values in green tea, including, aiding digestion, blood puriﬁcation, strengthening teeth and bones, boost immune system, enhance heart function, suppress aging, fights viruses, and lowers blood sugar levels.

Although black tea also offers some health benefits, it is inferior to green tea in many aspects. One of them is caffeine content.

Caffeine is good in moderate amounts; it is undesirable in high levels. Comparing the five common types of teas, black tea has the highest caffeine content followed by Oolong and lowest in green and white tea.

Addition of milk to tea (whether black or green) can interfere with the beneficial antioxidants lowering their effectiveness.

Are you drinking the healthiest tea?

Cosmetic surgery in Kenya

Maria — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 07:09:26 +0000

I’m slightly disturbed after reading an article about the growing popularity of cosmetic surgery among Nairobi’s upper middle class. The article was full of horror stories of procedures gone awry which was bad enough, but one quote gave me pause. “And the most common procedure among Kenyan men was lip reduction— making lips thinner.” Whaaat? Before I jump to conclusions, how does this compare the most popular surgeries elsewhere?

According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, in 2010, the top 5 cosmetic surgeries for women were breast augmentation, nose reshaping, liposuction, eyelid surgery and tummy tucks. This lines up with the top Kenyan procedures according to the article - liposuction and breast reduction. For men in America, the top 5 procedures in 2010 were nose reshaping, eyelid surgery, liposuction, breast reduction in men and hair transplantation. So the popularity of lip reduction seems to be higher here than in other cosmetic surgery markets.

Is this a case of trying to erase ethnic markers? There are a number of plastic surgery procedures that seem to be most popularly chosen for the distinct purpose of removing or reducing features that are characteristic of a particular race or ethnicity. For example, “Ethnic Rhinoplasty” (they actually call it that) for reshaping broad Black noses and long Jewish ones, turning them into narrow idealized European noses. Eyelid surgery is also common for Asians looking to create a “double-eyelid” from the naturally occurring crease-less eyelid or epicanthic fold.

Is it ever okay to change physical appearance markers that are signifiers of your race? What does such a change signify – does it necessarily mean that these people would shed all racial characteristics if they could? Most plastic surgery info websites that discuss lip reduction surgery claim that full lips can hinder talking, eating and even dental hygiene. Can any big-lipped brethren testify? Do you believe that these are legitimate reasons for the popularity of this procedure in Kenya?

The right weight for your job

Naomie — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 07:10:02 +0000

Well, you are probably reading this post asking ‘what does weight have to do with my job?’ The reality is, that weight has everything to do with your job. Lets be very frank most times we really do not pay much attention to our health unless we fall ill and our doctor says so or our clothes become are too tight for comfort and soon can’t zip up anymore.

I am one of those people who has been overweight for a part of my life, until i one day woke up and realised that i would end up with hyper tension and high blood pressure issues just like my mother, so I had to do something about it. I was in my early 20s so at least i had the energy and motivation since i felt awful about how i looked and i simply wanted to look fierce, chic and impressive. There are some factors though that you can control at the office which can help you stay healthy if you are already plummeting down a similar path:

It is important to take your lunch break because you not only need to refuel your body you also need some fresh air. You should try as much as possible not to eat at your desk, it promotes laziness immensely. You may not think it, but it does.
If you can take a walk during your lunch hour, then do so. Its always good to get out of the office and stroll a bit in town even if for only 15mins, you would be surprised at the difference it will do for your body and mind. Even though you carry packed lunch, eat first then take a stroll as it will help you refresh yourself and aid in digestion. Think about other things in life, besides your work during this stroll. Every now and then walk around the office too, as certain office errands which are one floor away from you or simply afew desks away from you should mean you wake up and walk there. If you’re confined to your desk such as cashiers, then work standing every now and then throughout the day as this helps with the blood circulation to your legs.
Under all circumstances limit your tea and coffee intake. Here’s the thing, some offices give tea at 10 am, after lunch and again at 4pm, others have tea stations with unlimited allowance of tea and coffee, it is crucial to take care more so if you also drink tea and coffee at home. Moderation is the key, even when it comes to Sodas. Caffeine is known to dehydrate you, so instead, keep yourself hydrated with water. Nothing is as good as water to keep you going, if you need a little punch to it carry some lemons which you can slice. If you don’t like water you need to start.

Stay far far away from the samosa, mandazi, chapo lady. No joke, those fried snacks add on the kilos like you wouldnt believe. Just as bad, is the nearest sausage, chips and bajiah joint near your office. Carry healthy snacks which are not going to do such damage on your body, like a fruit, nuts, milk, yoghurt, cereal etc. Logically speaking, you if you take fried snacks every day for perhaps two years, its simply not good to your body, and its simply a danger to your health. Don’t wait to learn the hard way, plan ahead and pack something.
Take the stairs. You may think that there is no way in hell you can take the stairs, but you would be surprised at what good exercise it actually is. I previously worked on the 11th floor and used to take the stairs each morning, without fail. Some mornings i used to look forward to it, other mornings i loathed it but i still did it. You can build your momentum on the stairs, start slowly and build up from there. The first few days will feel like you are about to have a heart attack or three, but you shall survive more than you know. You can do a session after lunch as well with other office colleagues.

Being over weight is never pleasant, whether you are simply a receptionist or an engineer, its not easy lugging around more weight than necessary. It means you move slower than you would like to, you lose breath very easily and sometimes you sweat a lot just from doing small tasks.

Irrespective of what the story behind your weight is, it is important to maintain a healthy balance that helps you do your job even better, most importantly, its up to you to do something about it.

Crossroads in my career path

cyiengi — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 06:00:33 +0000

Going into business is sometimes a daunting project, even at the best of times. You are leaving all that’s familiar…and laid back – the monthly pay check, hours spent making decisions (whose overall effect seemed like somebody else’s business and not yours, in case of any losses), stopping in on friends for that Marketing pitch, lazy Fridays where some take off early from work under the guise of out-of-office business deals etc.

Safe… that’s what employment was always about. A safety net…this new frontier called ‘CEO/Boss’ is now unfamiliar territory. There’s business lingo that comes with the territory…requires you to be on top of things..studying industry trends, hob-nobbing with people who, given a choice, wouldn’t exactly have fallen into your set of close associations over evening drinks, getting to and staying at the office at the oddest hours when the most of the populace are snuggly cuddled under warm sheets, making tough calls that no one else wants to take the slack for…it’s no longer your call perse. Uncannily, just like the employee, you are also somehow still subject to some rules, albeit a slightly modified set.

But let’s face it! How long can we honestly keep at the same job before feeling like we want to be our own boss? I know our parents generation easily got the Commendation for ‘Longest Serving Employee’ after over 30 years service under their belt!!! That’s an entire lifetime it seems…of burying yourself in someone else’s dream and ambition. Do we even have the security that goes with investing that amount of time,energy and effort in someone else shindig anymore? Who will keep looking out for you long after your 50s? And can you imagine the handsome severance package for an employee of that standing now? I would want to imagine that we are a faster paced generation, with lots more diversity on offer to select from, now that technology has opened up wider horizons for us. Gone are the days when everyone clamoured to be a doctor, lawyer, architect, teacher or nurse… choice professions indeed, at the time. And then proceeded to grow roots on the job!

We have the widest selection of careers to pick from…ladies who are ‘tuk tuk‘ drivers, matatu conductors (makangas), mechanics to reckon with, stay at home dads (if that can be called a profession), female caddies, male nannies etc. The list is endless…and apparently, it can all start from a simple thing as a Hobby- that activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure, typically done during one’s leisure time. How harmless can that be? Let me just pick one thing that I enjoy off the top of my head and see how to go about making it profitable, isn’t that right?

And so here I am faced with an impending decision that is at once both exhilarating, while also daunting. Where shall one start looking for new business? A Partnership or Sole Entrepreneurship? What are the hidden loopholes I need to watch for? Does one have the required capital, after all, they say it takes upwards of a 3 year circle before I can consider breaking even!!! One had better have saved up some tidy sum to counter any unforeseen challenges/hiccups/misguided decisions. And to add to all that, I would immediately feel the effects of every decision I make…no more idly spending monies on the eye-catching handbags, grabbing that cab to work on a whim, roping in friends for an un-budgeted for Friday hangout at Java…man, this business thing needs a second thought.

What Happened To Kenyan Men?

admin — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 08:20:34 +0000

The other day, I was watching KTN’s Case files and I couldn’t help shedding tears. This particular story was about a young girl (very young I might add) who killed her baby so that she could have time to care of her ailing father. Though I don’t believe that’s the reason she did it, I feel her pain. She was clearly a child when she had that baby. In addition to being a child physically, she had the mind of a child. Am sure you are wondering why she killed the child?

According to her, they (including the baby) had not had anything to eat for about 2 days. Do you know that feeling you get when you have gone without lunch? Now imagine what that baby was feeling. So she came up with an “innovative” idea to end the misery, she decided she was going to wake up very early the next morning and throw her baby in the river. Needless to say, the baby died out of shock immediately it hit the water. (If you were brought up in Nairobi, I feel I should inform you that river water is extremely cold in the morning) Like I said, she had the mind of a child. She didn’t even consider how she was going to explain her baby’s disappearance to the villagers who of course knew she had a new born baby. I mean, even those who didn’t know she had a baby must have seen her pregnant; 9 months is a long time.

Am sure you are all wondering what this has got to do with Kenyan men. I’m I the only one who attended that Biology class where they taught us that for a baby to be formed, sperm must fertilize an egg? So where was this particular sperm donor when his baby who was just a few weeks old was going hungry for two days? I’ll tell you where this guy was. He was at the local bar having some ugali matumbo and keg declaring his sexual prowess to everyone at the bar just incase they hadn’t heard him the previous day! Is this what our Kenyan Men have become?

Every woman knows that no matter how many birth control pills you stuff into your mouth every morning; there is always the chance that you could get pregnant. But Kenyan men have developed this mentality that they can go around having sex without having to face the consequences. These days when you get pregnant, you don’t even bother telling the man. You just get rid of it or go away to your grandma’s place to have the child. I think the new constitution had a clause that attempted to force Kenyan men to take responsibility for their sperm. (I don’t know. I didn’t read it) However, just in case it is a figment of my imagination, I think this law is long overdue.

In addition to this, I think there should be a law on statutory rape. Men who think it is funny to sleep with under-aged girls should be dealt with harshly.

Image credit: ahylton

Author Bio: Eve is a freelance writer who has been in love with writing since childhood. To this day she spends her leisure time either reading or writing. Her latest project is a blog at www.kenyandating.co.cc

6 pieces of lingerie every woman should have

admin — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 06:00:10 +0000

Let’s be real, men can’t resist a woman drenched in sexy, now add on some irresistibly smoking lingerie and you have putty in your hands. To be honest i can’t blame them. I tend to believe there is something irresistible about a woman in lace, ribbons, leather, and sheer material that will always drive any man crazy.

Sexy lingerie lets you hold the secret to obtaining complete submission of your man, while opening the door to your sexual intimacy. For this reason, it is essential for every woman have specific lingerie items in her knickers drawer.

Lingerie is a fact of life. But it isn’t a fact that shopping for it has to be a chore. There are 6 lingerie essentials that every woman must have. Whether it’s a fancy evening out, or a relaxed afternoon indoors, these 6 pieces are absolute time savers. So if you’ve ever felt like you just didn’t have the right thing to wear under your clothes,this article is definitely meant for you!

First up lets talk Bra’s. There’s nothing like knowing that your twins are looking their best for a confidence boost! Remember that your underwear provides the foundations for your outerwear and so you need to think about which bra is appropriate for what you are wearing.

1. Seamless panties
There is nothing i find disruptive and un-ladylike as visible panty lines. With that said, its definite that seamless undies are the way to go.

2. T-shirt Bra
We all need one of these don’t we?? T-shirt bras are perfect for wearing under anything tight, close-fitting, or thin. Because the bra is constructed of one, seamless piece, you won’t end up with those annoying boob-shaped lines under your clothes. Plus, the moulded cups make makes it a great piece for evening wear and shaping without adding padding or bulk.

3. The Nude Bra
The one thing i see almost every day on the streets of Nairobi is women wearing a white bra underneath a white blouse or top. Some think it’s sexy maybe it is all the same this brings us to the second must have. The nude bra.

Contrary to common belief, the nude bra is a wardrobe essential for women of all skin tones. Many people equate nude with one beige or tan shade, but, in reality, nude is whatever matches your skintone. This is a perfect on for when you want to wear your light or white colored clothing.

4. The Multiway Bra
The Multiway bra is the third must have. In this day and age of women’s fashion changing practically on a daily basis, it would be obvious to say that not all your clothing has sleeves or straps thus its needless to point out that your normal everyday bra just won’t cut it.

We all need a convertible bra, there is no two ways about it. The best convertible bras are able to accommodate strapless, halter, and low-back styles with some brands even having crisscross or one shoulder options another tip is to look for a bra with a deep, plunging front, which is perfect for v-necks.

5. Shapewear
Lets be honest not all women were blessed with curves in all the right places, but what we were blessed with is shape wear. Why?? Shapewear smoothes, firms, and most of all shapes giving you the picture perfect hourglass figure whenever you need it. They come in different types from the slimming tank to the high waist thigh shaper, not only are they pretty but functional as well.

6. Sexy Babydoll
You can not say you have lingerie unless you have that one sexy babydoll that hits him right in between the eyes & you have him eating off the palm of your hands. However, much as we all want that sexy little number you have to consider a couple of factors.

First of you need to think comfort. There is no way you will turn your man on if you are fidgeting with lingerie straps that are not the right fit of worse yet a lingerie outfit that does not fit altogether.

Consider the purpose for which you would like the piece to serve. Are you looking for something with a theme, hence lingerie costumes or is it just a piece that you can slip anytime of day & whip up some serious magic. It should be soft, simple and above all else flattering.

I hope this article helps you with your lingerie purchases, both now and in the future.

Written by Edith who runs the Nairobi Secrets shop in Nairobi. Visit the store’s website here www.nairobisecrets.com

Of Wedding Proposals

cyiengi — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 06:00:00 +0000

I recently watched a Wedding proposal on YouTube that took my breath away, simply for the sheer creativity… this guy decides to actually hire a movie theatre hall to air the ‘movie’ (home-made of course) that he’s shot, proposing to his girlfriend. The thing is, she is actually been taken to that precise movie theatre to watch…a regular movie. Clueless….

So we move into close up of her face lighting up in expectation as the movie begins..It breaks off to a scene of two men chatting but all you see are their mid sections with a back and forth exchange.In between these conversation bites we pan back and forth to the girl (seated with the movie “audience”, alongside her brother, who’s in on this whole plot) to see when it will register that all this… is her fiance’s Proposal to her!!!

The scene opens with her boyfriend talking to her dad about what makes his girlfriend such a prize and it’s so sweet how he chalks up all her good qualities Theres a back and forth exchange of pleasant conversation between these two men discussing the virtues of this young maiden.Gradually, she it dawns on her that it’s actually her boyfriend asking her dad for her hand in marriage!!! And she gets all weepy as her dad hugs her fiance,welcoming him into the family; then asking him what he’s waiting for…to go get his bride!!!

The camera stays with him as he runs out of her family’s home, into his car, speeding off to the movie theatre, and even stands in line (obediently) to buy some popcorn! Hilarious…You only realise the magnitude of this moment when he suddenly stops outside the movie hall to take in a couple of breaths…then boldly matches in to go on bended knee. The whoops of delight from her fellow “theatre-goers” must have been a great help in boosting his ego.

I found this particular Proposal gutsy, somewhat, especially when you think about the cold sweats and panic-mode am told some men (if not most), go through when it comes to this Question. Will she accept? Will her response be embarassing? What do I do next if she says ‘No’ after all this? Actually, come to think of it…do guys even think of all that repercussion? I doubt it… Which is just as well, because mine was a simple bended knee over a romantic dinner and wine. How could I say ‘NO’?!

Our Menfolk are under attack!!!

cyiengi — Mon, 30 May 2011 07:45:02 +0000

It’s horrifying how families are under attack… daily!! Its now out there for all to partake of… The headlines scream of yet another brutal battering…and this time, neither the high and mighty nor the lowly are spared. The base actions of anger expressed are well evident; high level delegate batters wife, man kills family then strangles himself, man takes poison after domestic quarrel.

Yes, admittedly, some of these men simply have undealt with issues that are no excuse for meting punishment on a lady who just didn’t see where he was coming from. But, at the risk of being stoned by women who believe it’s not our problem, allow me to paint the scenario of what Men are truly dealing with, before we cast any stones…

Some of these masculine beings we so want to behave themselves at our behest, may not even have seen what a good man behaves like; let alone “thinks like”. So we marry him and bring him into our feminine world…emotional connection, gossip sessions non-stop,shopping sprees that are endless in terms of time consumption… and his mental and social makeup aren’t even wired close to anything we understand (as the oestrogen-bearing component of the human race)!!! Hes a thinker…we feel. So he studies life his ours and those around his and comes to one simple conclusion…life is stressful and no one understands.

Secondly, he faces all this pressure from all corners of life - from his workplace, then comes home to find an angry she-male…hands akimbo, addressing the present pressing issue right from the doorstep as he comes home; meanwhile, there’s also probably the ‘clande’ eyeing his wallet (for whats still to hit its warm leather interior) and its not even mid month yet. So he trudges home to no warm hugs, or acknowledgments or sweetsmelling aroma of food cooking on the kitchen stove to welcome this hungry and distressed warrior home. No consideration for the fact that the day started horrendously, his boss was a jerk, not to mention the debts hanging over his head (the settling of which was a migraine scenario pushed to the back-burner). With all this overwhelming stress, how is he supposed to still be that caring, conscientious, romantic man we have concocted (and are now deeply disapointed in) because he doesnt measure up to the man we believed would rescue us from a mundane existence?

Pressures building up…day by day. He wont verbalise much of any this to his peers, wont go for counselling (God forbid!!),after all he feels hes in touch with his emotions..he won’t outrightly come out and start talking about it, of course…so, he’ll probably just sit, think and muddle through what he considers a reasonable enough solution and if we (and the rest of society don’t get his point of view), it gets expressed through Frustration! The BLOW-UP happens and we are shell-shocked! Why? Why is it we feel he should have handled all this better? Would we have, had we been put in the same melting pot;with the same decisions he battled with? if we fell flat, would we have craved redemption, acceptance, understanding, help perhaps?

Women can very well sit and talk/cry though distress,pain,panic and calmly go back to everyday life. Men, on the other hand, may get scarred over an ego-shattering event from his perspective) – death, company downsizing, marital disharmony, debt-ridden lifestyle etc. and still remain in his ‘cave’ (stuck …trying to find his way out for years on end)…and no one would ever know that was his state of mind. Until one day, he makes a move that seems unthinkable and we are left trying to piece together what could have led to such mindless

Statistics show that Men in their 40′s-50′s (mid life) are 80% more likely to commit suicide than any other age group!!! Most of them grew up in homes where dad/male figures were either absent or non-existent so its the woman who welcomed him into this world…its her prowess hes seen handle life…its her filter system he’s heard and received from about major issues in life.. so where on Gods good earth would he know how to start acting LIKE A MAN???!!! What was that anyway? his pals smoked, slept around, beat women and slugged off…why was he expected to pick himself up when slovenliness and mediocrity were his bubble?

And I find myself asking the question: is it poor family relations? lack of social skills? parental upbringing thats been either too permissive or too lenient?

Is there no man to show him the way it can still be; to coach and guide him through life’s conflicting and confusing maze? walk with him through teenage hormonal “zings” to the successful end of a balanced relationship, that will be a legacy for generations to come? Surely, who will take us under their wings and teach us a thing or two about decorum, social ethics, simple courtesy…the modeling of what mature, competent and reasonable adults are supposed to be like?

Women, where can we help? Can we lower our high sense of morality just a teeny-weeny bit to accommodate this so oft misunderstood man, and give him a chance? Can we choose to see him through the lens of someone waiting to be given credit,just as much as we would want? Could we maybe see he doesn’t know where to start being “our hero” and help him along that path to becoming that very person? He may never tell you his struggles…but he may just come and nuzzle at the breasts of one who reminds him of what’s been familiar all his life…a female, who’s seen him through the best and worst of it all and still can show him the ropes…to “Becoming”!

The Salo Advance Bug

Naomie — Thu, 26 May 2011 06:00:25 +0000

I few of us have been bitten by the bug, not once not twice, severally its a sure sign that you need financial 911. I listened on radio the other day a financial consultant speak about the dangers of taking an advance on your salary, for the regulars at the HR office come 16th of each month this one is for you and for those who need to know why its a bad idea to take the advance, this one is for you too.

The major reasons that most people take advances are:

AVAILABILITY: Its the easiest option to getting fast cash when you are strapped, not many of us have other options
CONVENIENCE: Its rather straight forward to apply for it, doesn’t take long either and you understand the process
LIFESTYLE: Damn I looked good in that suit, those red heels will be amazing, i need to get them fast before someone else

The advance is like a drug, though it will give you an initial high, it will soon wear off and you will have the chills, major signs of withdrawal! Here’s why to just say NO

You get tied into the habit of doing it month in month out. You may lie to your self that the next month you will have a better handle on things but really that is you being mythical to yourself. Say No
You are actually taking a loan from your employer which you have not yet earned. Think about it you signed a contract to get paid at the end of a full working month. The full working month has not ended by 17th, so actually you are not keeping your end of the bargain. Say No
You may think that the advance will help you pay some bills mid month but really the chance of you doing something completely different with your advance is very very high. You will get easily lured to the new shoes or the new suit or the trip out of town. Derailment will be at an all time high at this point, watch it! Say No

So what are the options really when you think about it? How can you get out of this rut?

SACRIFICE: Its like they say when loosing weight, no pain no gain. You have to prioritise the critical things that you cannot do without monthly. New heels are not a necesscity. Critical items are: busfare, rent, house bills and food. The rest is something you can do without, such as you dont have to feel bad when you dont contribute for a funeral expense if you really dont have the money you can help in other ways, you don’t have to meet up for coffee at java neither must you chip in to BOGOF for pizzas on Tuesdays. You may have to lay low for a while, and if your friends don’t get it then maybe they really arent your friends. In short, be REAL to yourself.
PLANNING: believe it or not planning helps in a big way, because you are able to know how much you have come end month and how much you can spend. At no time can you spend more than what you have because you will not have it. You have to be strict when it comes to planning. In short, be REAL to how much you actually can spend.
SAVE: We all need savings. If you’ve ever had a personal medical emergency or death in the family and found yourself calling for a harambee then you know exactly what I mean. Its critical to put away part of your salary monthly as savings for emergencys. Paying money into your savings should be like paying a bill and should be non negotiable. In short, be REAL to your future.

Happiness and Simplicity

Maria — Tue, 24 May 2011 06:00:19 +0000

I visited my old high school this past weekend. I walked through the old haunts and smiled at their jauntily ambitious nicknames: Bahamas, the 20-foot square piece of lawn where we’d sun ourselves on Saturday afternoons, and Infinity, the landing at the top of the stairs to our four-story dorm building.

I’ve realized, my high school was unknowingly very Zen. The school was obsessed with simplicity and humility. We were allowed very few personal possessions. Everyone had a morning and evening task that taught us the value of manual work. We woke up early and went to bed early. Snail mail on Saturdays was the only communication with the outside world, and Silence was Golden.

Seems like a tough life, but some of the happiest times of my life were during those four years. Which emphasizes for me that happiness is a state of mind, and not a function of how much you have or where you are.

Take food. Today, I can walk into Nakumatt and buy the ingredients I’d need to whip up delicious dishes from any part of the world. If I’m too lazy to cook, I just have to stand on a corner in Westlands and half a dozen restaurants will be within spitting distance.

But back in the day, back in high school… How many ways can you combine ugali, rice, sukuma, cabbage and beans? I had four years to find out, in a school where no outside food was allowed. However, we had myriad ways to improve upon the half-assed efforts of our underpaid cooks. Fresh avocado chunks in our rice and beans. A pat of Blueband margarine melted in our hot githeri. Pinching off the corner of a Knorr beef cube and mixing it into our otherwise uninspired stew. A meal improved this way made me a lot happier, looking back, than eating at a restaurant when I now have the money and freedom.

I read a book once, The Paradox of Choice, where the author argues that the overwhelming choice available to us as modern consumers, creates all sorts of anxiety and unhappiness. I think that I am now living more simply than a couple of years ago where I owned twenty plus pairs of shoes, and spent tens of thousands on my hair, for example. But I’d like to continue to simplify. Where to start though? The thousands of books, websites and self-help guides on simplifying your life is an ironic confirmation the Paradox of Choice premise. Any ideas on an easy place to start simplifying your life?

Let’s just get along

cazz — Fri, 13 May 2011 06:00:44 +0000

Politics, the environment, life …the hot topic still remains relationships. He said, she said. The FM stations have taken full advantage of these differences. And why not …staged or real we’re listening, commenting and in many cases relating to the stories.

But the more I listen the more disturbed I become. Do the sexes really hate each other this much? Is this the new order… revenge sex, rabid comments, total dishonesty, no comprise, just surrender. I know men and women may not understand each other, and the power shifts and struggles are on the increase, but can’t we just agree to get along?

Human males, like males throughout the animal kingdom, have some similarities and bravado is one of them. Comments like “I’ll beat her”, “I’ll see any woman I want”, “She doesn’t satisfy me” to justify the disrespect of cheating on us will not wash. Men … bottom line: you may enjoy the risk but you have no right to put us at risk too.

Ladies … people have affairs. That’s life. However the one off fling is not the same as the habitual cheater. Some relationships can be saved and more power to you if you go down this route. And for the rest … garbage is garbage. Throw it out! After one year of HIV testing because of my ex hubbie’s affairs, I discovered a lot of women from all walks of life in the same situation. This was not my ideal female bonding session. Part of protecting yourself is just getting out of the situation altogether.

Men …we marched down the aisle with stars in our eyes. We didn’t get married thinking we wouldn’t see you. So here’s the thing. We love you. We have babies with you. You’re hanging out with your boys all the time is a contradiction to the commitment you made. We don’t object to you hanging out with the boys once in a while but if you love them that much why not hook up with them instead!

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Get over it. We’re not supposed to be the same and understanding each other is, in my opinion, overrated. I just want the basics from people in general: honesty, kindness, fun spirited and loyalty.

Let’s fight to get along. I’m sure the journey would be so much sweeter if we did.

Photo credit: mattwork

Purpose or Prestige?

bailey — Wed, 11 May 2011 06:00:14 +0000

After going through a harrowing quarter-life crisis and FINALLY finding my purpose, what I can say is that this has been such an eye-opening experience for me in so many ways. People, embrace your quarter-life and mid-life and three-quarter life crises! They open your eyes to new dimensions!

At that point in my life (and even now), I wondered how or why someone would go to school, study, go to university and specialize in a certain course, say, business, do well in it, get a job related to the profession, then a year later, hate it. I mean, literally be bored out of their mind with their work; yet this is what they studied for, for four long years, and probably spent their childhood dreaming about (“When I grow up, I want to study business!” OK, kids don’t usually say that, but for the sake of this story, let’s allow it).

I think I expected that everyone who dreams of being a doctor will be a doctor or will at least never change their mind. I know, life is dynamic. It’s like I always have to remind myself that.

Anyway, where I was going with this is that, purpose is what matters. By purpose, I mean, what you were created on this earth to do, based on your personality, skills, abilities, talents and interests. Keep in mind that purpose can also change from time to time because for a particular season in life, you may have a different purpose from your current goals at another time.

Recently, my sister was telling me how people make money from the oddest ventures. Money is money and work is work, really (all legally obtained, of course). No one will ask you how you got your money when you’re rich so they can frown upon your humble hustle or job that gets you that money. There is a woman who goes home with hundreds of thousands of shillings a week from selling mitumba clothes. Another one makes nearly a million a month from growing some rare herbs and chillies. Basically, what I learned from this is not to judge people from what they do.

At family gatherings, when the young people congregate with the old and are asked what they do, where they are now working, etc, the parents and older generation are always pleased to hear of doctors, lawyers and other professionals, but say you are musician and the uncomfortable shifting and furtive looks that follow will be unmistakable. Why is this? Why is it more prestigious to have a law degree than to have musical talent and prowess? In reality, the musician probably makes a hundred thousand shillings on one gig. How about the lawyer? If he/she is lucky, they earn that in a month.

So what is it really about? Does prestige and cultural norm trump financial success?

I want the financial success. I want the purpose, the pursuit of it, even if it will be unglamorous, because I believe living in my purpose will put me on the path of happiness more than prestige ever will.

Your purpose, when you find it, might lead you down an unlikely path. Wangari Maathai comes to mind, her purpose at the time was saving trees and conserving the environment for a better tomorrow. Was it glamorous? Not really, especially when she was fighting for the environment and leading protests to conserve our natural forests. Did it give her fulfillment though? Yes, I’m sure it did. The satisfaction that she was doing her part in the world and in the greater scheme of things was making a difference must have been great.

It’s really about what is more important, doing your part to change the world, or looking good even though you don’t like what you are doing or couldn’t care less about the financial growth in the last quarter (if you are in the Finance Department).

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

It’s scary to go where there is no road and make your own path but I’m finding courage to make my own way.

Watch out for me, I’m going to change the world!

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