Just in time for Taco Tuesday. Or Mexican Monday. Or Taco Thursday. Or Taco Shell Saturday. Or Taco Shell Sunday. Or Mexican Food Friday. Or Whatever We Have in the Kitchen Wednesday. (Spotted by Aaron W at Walmart.)

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Happy 105th Birthday, Wonder Bread! I know this product is probably for the 250th birthday of this country, but I feel I should point out how old your are. (Spotted by Robbie at Walmart.)

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When my kids were little, they would sometimes ask for candy, ice cream, or donuts for breakfast. As a semi-responsible parent, I, of course, said no. Instead, I provided them with a healthy alternative, like syrup-covered pancakes or Cap’n Crunch, which probably had just as much, or perhaps even more sugar.

So maybe I need to call them up and take them to Dairy Queen for its new “Breakfast Collection,” which includes the Fruity Pebbles Shake, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Dipped Cone, and Choco Frosted Donut Blizzard. But after trying the latter, I’m going to suggest they have one of the first two options.

The new Blizzard creation is not bad, but it is not worth setting your alarm for either. As an aside, I was today years old when I learned that Dairy Queen does indeed serve breakfast, and that they have a chicken and gravy burrito, which I now have a burning desire to try. Sadly, and in defense of my ignorance of said breakfast offerings, many Dairy Queen locations do not serve the most important meal of the day, apparently including any in my area.

But back to the review. This new Blizzard includes old-fashioned (or cake) donut pieces, chocolatey icing pieces, and sprinkles mixed with vanilla soft serve. To put it simply, nothing stands out about this Blizzard. The donut pieces are fine, and actually, they are powdered sugar donut pieces according to the ingredient list on the DQ website, but I would have a hard time distinguishing them from a bland, store-bought vanilla cake. They were quite firm and held up well in the ice cream, but they didn’t make much of an impression on my taste buds.

Likewise, the icing pieces bring some chocolate flavor, as expected, but again, it’s nothing distinctive. The sprinkles add a bit of texture and some color if you are taking Instagram photos, but they do nothing for the taste. Overall, it’s not a memorable creation, although it is still ice cream with donuts and chocolate, so there was never any danger of me not reaching the bottom of the cup.

Next time I go to Dairy Queen, I’ll take my chances with one of the other two offerings from the Breakfast Collection, or maybe I’ll take a road trip to the nearest location serving breakfast and see what that chicken and gravy burrito is all about.

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: Small
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 660 calories, 29 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 300 milligrams of sodium, 89 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 66 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

El Monterey Más Bold Chicken Bacon Ranch Taquitos

El Monterey Más Bold Spicy Chipotle Beef Taquitos

Taylor Farms Southwest Taco Ranch Chopped Kit

Takis Smokin’ BBQ Rolled Tortilla Chips

Rao’s Creamy Roasted Garlic Pasta Sauce

Wow Bao Classic Stir-Fry Chicken Mini Chicken Buns

Wow Bao Chinese-Inspired BBQ Chicken Mini Chicken Buns

Slim Jim Buffalo Wild Wings Honey BBQ Chicken Stick Snack Size

Slime Jim Buffalo Wild Wings Buffalo Chicken Stick Snack Size

Soules Kitchen Orange Sesame Chicken

Soules Kitchen Garlic & Herb Chicken

Kimono Mom’s Umami Sauces

I initially thought the bee needed some protein because of its skinny arms and legs. Then I realized I was absolutely wrong because it’s plenty strong since it’s flying while also carrying a honey dipper. (Spotted by Robbie at H-E-B.)

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Come on, Sprite. Come on, Starry. (Spotted by Robbie at H-E-B.)

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It’s white chocolate, but still comes with a price that will put you in the red. (Spotted by Amanda Y at Target.)

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Herr’s Sour Cream & French Onion Ripple Potato Chips

Snack Pack Strawberry Splash Juicy Gels

Snack Pack Orange Splash Juicy Gels

Boulder Canyon Agave Sriracha Kettle Style Potato Chips

Jack Link’s Duos Sour Cream Onion Beef Jerky

Mayana Mother Fluffer Candy Bar

QT Cosmic Gummi Rings

Ritter Sport Milk Chocolate With Pistachios

Ritter Sport Groovy Crunchy Pretzel

Ritter Sport Funky White Lemon

QuikTrip Minute Maid Frozen Mango Lemonade Freezonis

Hill Country Fare Thin Potato Chips (Original, Sour Cream & Onion, and BBQ)

Hill Country Fare Kettle Chips (Salt & Vinegar and BBQ)

Hill Country Fare Kettle Chips (Original and Jalapeno)

Do I rylly rylly want to try these? (Spotted by Phil at Target.)

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HamBoyardee Helper! (Spotted by Rachel J at Safeway.)

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Just in time for those warm and hot days of spring and summer. Those prolonged days of perspiration and being parched. (Spotted by Sarah R at Whole Foods.)

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I am absolutely disappointed that there’s no Green Eggs & Ham flavor. These have been out for a while and are exclusive to Kroger and Kroger-owned stores. (Spotted by Rob at Smith’s.)

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Trader Joe’s Potato Cheese Sticks

Trader Joe’s Gözlemes

Trader Joe’s Crispy Rice Bars

Great Value Twist & Shout Mini Speculoos Sandwich Cookies

Great Value Twist & Shout Mini Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

Bettergoods White Chocolate Chip Matcha Cookies

Bettergoods Caramel Cold Brew Cookies

Great Value Apple Pie Creme Twist & Shout Double Filled Sandwich Cookies

Bettergoods Roasted Garlic Cream Cheese Spread

Bettergoods Raspberry and Yuzu Cream Cheese Spread

Kirkland Signature Raspberry Filled Sugar Cookies

Kirkland Blueberry Sourdough Bread

The assortment features three Milk Bar Birthday Cake Doughnuts and three Original Glazed Doughnuts. The Milk Bar Birthday Cake Doughnuts is an Original Glazed cake doughnut swirled with birthday frosting, showered in cake crumbs, and finished with a burst of rainbow sprinkles. (Spotted by Robbie at Walmart.)

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Because it’s Van Leeuwen, I hope there are plans to offer unusual ice cream flavors with these bonbons. (Orange & Cream and Strawberry & Cream spotted by Amanda Y at Kroger. Mango Sticky Rice and Creme Caramel spotted by Sarah R at Whole Foods.)

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This product has got me thinking that maybe the world needs Dr Pepper-flavored popping boba. That’ll never happen, though. Or will it? Nah. Maybe? (Spotted by Amanda Y at H-E-B.)

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Liquid Death Pop-Tarts Carnage Iced Tea made me giggle.

No, it wasn’t from the silly name that got me imagining what would happen if a naughty doggo got into a Costco-size box of Pop-Tarts. Nor did it happen because I sometimes imagine Christopher Walken dressed up as a Pop-Tart yelling, “Crazy good!”

What made me giggle after my first sip was how Liquid Death managed to capture the essence of toaster pastry crust and add it to an iced tea. That’s some liquid magic there, and whatever the highest award for flavor-making is, which I assume is called The Tastees, the person who developed that crust flavor deserves one, not only for creating it, but for tasting all the rejects that came before it.

The beverage smells like a strawberry soda, and the initial taste is strawberry, but after a few moments, the crust comes through and lingers a bit. This doesn’t taste exactly like a Frosted Strawberry Pop-Tart. Its berry flavor is a candy-fied version of the red toaster pastry filling, and the pastry dough taste is a bit more distinctive than the bland crust of an actual Pop-Tart. There’s no sweetness or butteriness to enhance things; it’s just bland Pop-Tarts crust, but I guess an enhanced blandness is the best way to describe it. But that crust flavor is what convinces me that this is a toaster pastry-flavored iced tea, and this wouldn’t have been nearly as exciting without it.

But do I actually consider it to be, as the Pop-Tarts-dressed Christopher Walken in my head would say, “crazy good”? It’s crazy creative, but it’s just good to my taste buds. I’ll have no problem drinking all 12 cans I had to buy. However, I can taste how that crust flavor is going to be divisive and an instant nope for some folks. I liked it best when it was super chilled, straight out of the fridge. But as it crept toward room temperature, the crust’s taste made things less enjoyable.

I’ve gone through four cans already, and every time I take a chilled sip, I can’t help but smile at what I’m tasting. So if you’re okay with the mild flavor profile of Liquid Death products and think an iced tea inspired by toaster pastries sounds like a novel idea, Pop-Tarts Carnage Iced Tea might make you giggle, too.

Purchased Price: $16.99
Size: 12 fl oz cans/12 pack
Purchased at: Amazon
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 20 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 43 milligrams of caffeine.

Take Home Beef BBQ Bake

Take Home Popcorn Chicken Parmesan

Mama Cozzi’s Gluten Free PIzza Dough

Taco Palenque Bean Potato Egg & Cheese Burritos

Taco Palenque Sausage Potato Egg & Cheese Burritos

Taco Palenque Bacon Potato Egg & Cheese Burritos

The Bounty Kitchen Lemon Dill Cod

The Bounty Kitchen Garlic Pepper Glazed Tilapia

The Bounty Kitchen Sweet & Spicy Chili Crisp Salmon

The Bounty Kitchen Steelhead

The Bounty Kitchen Salmon

Modern Mama’s Shrimp Scampi Bites

Modern Mama’s Jalapeno Smoked Salmon Poppers

This just begs for ice cream, or even better, melted ice cream. (Spotted by Robbie at Walmart.)

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Tony’s Chocolonely isn’t so lonely on the inside. They’re filled with love, and by “love,” I mean sweet goo. (Spotted by Julie at Walmart.)

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Yee haw! Grab all four boxes! They’re probably all the same flavor, so you better love vanilla loops. (Spotted by Robbie at Target.)

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For a millisecond, Khloud Nacho Protein Chips have a crispy texture like a fresh, thin tortilla chip you’d get at a Mexican restaurant. But after that fraction of a second passes, it’s nothing but disappointment from then on.

Before I even get to the flavor, let’s talk about the texture. The way these dissolve in my mouth is, um, how can I put this nicely? Unsettling? They look like normal triangular tortilla chips, so you’d expect them to have the same texture as normal triangular tortilla chips.

But that common triangle shape hid the fact that they break down easily and crumble in your mouth the way you’d expect a tortilla chip to break down in your stomach. It’s a weird feeling, and one that I don’t like experiencing. And while there is a sound and sensation when biting into these chips, I’m not sure I’d call it a crunch. It’s more like an unch.

Equally bad was the cheesiness, or lack thereof. If they were super cheesy, it might’ve made up a little for the unsettling texture. But they’re nowhere near Doritos-level cheesy. If Chester Cheetah were to eat these, he’d be like, “It ain’t easy being a snack brand, now is it, Khloe?” There was a light nacho cheesiness, but it quickly got warped by the underlying tortilla chip base made from corn and pea protein that tastes like it has more pea protein than corn. And, of course, the crumbly texture doesn’t help at all.

Not even the seven grams of protein per serving is enough to make this worth buying. If you really want a crunchy protein snack from a Kardashian, you’d help your mouth out by going with Khloud Popcorn instead. These need to go back to the drawing board, which probably has the same texture as these chips. Maybe a little less focus on the protein and a little more focus on the pleasures of chip eating should’ve happened.

Now I can’t compare these with other protein chips since I haven’t tried any. But my experience with these makes me wonder if all protein chips are this bad. So if you’re passing by these Khloud Nacho Protein Chips at the store, and you’re curious about them, just remember, “Curiosity killed the khat.”

Purchased Price: $6.99
Size: 5 oz bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (about 13 chips – 30 g) 170 calories, 11 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 9 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of total sugars, and 7 grams of protein.

Have my taste buds have been spoiled?

Monster Ultra Energy Drinks have been my go-to energy drink for years because they’re sweet, and despite being zero sugar beverages, they usually don’t taste like it. So after one sip of Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Zero Sugar French Vanilla, I found myself wondering, given all the sweetener advancements we’ve seen over the past few years, why am I tasting something so disappointing?

I’m no food scientist, and if my high school and college science grades are any indication, I don’t have a strong grasp of science period. But I did get a C- in a college logic class, so I feel I can say with some confidence that because there are great tasting zero sugar drinks, there should be a way to make tasty zero sugar coffee energy drinks without them tasting like I’m licking artificial sweetener packets at a diner.

Along with the French Vanilla, which has a flavor that tastes like I was drinking sugar free French Vanilla creamer straight from the bottle, there’s also a Dark Chocolate variety, and if I had to choose between the two, I’d go with the latter. Something about the cocoa makes the artificial sweetener taste, which comes from sucralose and inositol, a little more tolerable. But both have an aftertaste I can only describe as medicinal. There’s no mistaking these are zero sugar beverages, and I feel like more could’ve been done to hide that. But they’re milky and creamy, which is better than watery, but it would’ve helped if these were also delicious.

Also, as I’ve complained about before with Starbucks’ ready-to-drink coffee beverages, the can doesn’t say how much caffeine it has. So you don’t have to go digging, I scanned the PepsiCo website, which says these have 160 milligrams of caffeine, which is 25 more than most standard Starbucks Doubleshot Energy drinks.

While I’m throwing numbers around like a livestock auctioneer, let me throw out a few more. These are zero sugar but not zero calorie — the French Vanilla has 80 calories and the Dark Chocolate has 90. More surprisingly, both have 10 grams of protein, which the regular Starbucks Doubleshot line also has. So get yo’ gains. And they each have two grams of fiber. So get yo’ fiber gains too.

As someone who drinks a lot of zero sugar energy drinks, sodas, and sparkling waters, I’m disappointed with how these taste. Unlike my high school and college science grades, they’re not awful. But like my college logic class grade, they’re disappointing.

Purchased Price: $3.28 each
Size: 15 fl oz cans
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10 (French Vanilla), 5 out of 10 (Dark Chocolate)
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) French Vanilla – 80 calories, 3 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.Dark Chocolate – 90 calories 3 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 7 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.

Dove Milk Chocolate Espresso

Dove Dark Chocolate Blood Orange

Forager Project Greek Style Summer Berry Yogurt

Forager Project Greek Style Mango Passion Fruit Yogurt

Forager Project Greek Style Strawberry Rhubarb Yogurt

Forager Project Greek Style Cinnamon Vanilla Yogurt

Hint Limited Edition Star Spangled Variety Pack

Bake House Creations Orange Cake Pops

Specially Selected Key Lime Parfait

Summit Mocktails (Mai Tai, Pina Colada, and Passion Fruit Punch)

Field Craft Double Mango Hard Seltzer

Field Craft Guava & Pineapple Hard Seltzer

Aw, boo! No strawberry cheesecake pieces in the ice cream. (Spotted by Sarah R at Whole Foods.)

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