The easy route would be to blame it on my Dad’s death and while, I’m sure that factors in some how, I am not comfortable throwing it completely on his shoulders. I could also blame it on the fact that I have been distracted by our new family member. But when my ass is firmly planted on the couch, watching TV, that is hardly Ripley’s fault.

So in light of this, in the last week or so, I have been pretty introspective about my lack of work, my lack of motivation, and my current views on my small, little Universe; mostly due to the fact that I turned 35 last Tuesday. While I’m not hung up on the number (at all), I am a bit hung up on the fact that I am stagnant. I am not unhappy, but I am not altogether happy either and that bothers me. Probably more than I’d like to admit.

A large part of the problem is that for the last 10 years or so, I haven’t been doing what makes me happy. Instead, I have just been doing. Doing what is expected, doing what seems ok at the time. Just coasting a long without any thought to if my existence is a fulfilling one. Generally, I’ll be honest, it isn’t. I have been coasting so long that I have gotten complacent regarding a fulfilling life. So much so that I think that for a very long time, I just expected my life to be unfulfilled*. That’s a pretty depressing thought, I’d say.

Spurned on by my birthday and the 6 month anniversary of Dad’s death, I have decided to be unfulfilled no more! Life is too short not to be happy and fulfilled in some way every single day.

And how will I accomplish this great feat? I have no idea yet! But I am pretty eager to find out!

I think I will start by making some lists. I don’t wanna call it a bucket list – cuz wow, depressing – but maybe a fanciful “To Do” list. Maybe? I probably need a better name. Hurm.

I should probably also look at my current Universe and identify the things in my life that give me zero fulfillment (that can be removed – work, alas, can not ) and then remove or modify them. With any luck, once I identify key areas/themes, this little project might become a bit more organic. Maybe?!

And who knows, maybe I will actually start creating art again. Crazy.

* Now, this isn’t to say that there aren’t aspects of my life that I completely love. There are. Absolutely. I am just focusing on the rough edges for the moment.

For the most part, everything went really well. We had a few problems which couldn’t be helped*, but for our inaugural year, I think it was a pretty awesome success. We had 98 Zombie dancers and this was after a shitload of snow and pretty chilly weather. Our dancers were troopers and in the end, we had a pretty awesome time. Feedback from everyone has been pretty positive and it sounds like people are keen to participate next year. Woop! We also raise about $2,400 for our charity which is pretty decent too methinks.

In the next couple of days, the team is going to hold a post-mortem on the event to talk about what worked, what didn’t work, and what we could improve next year. We also need to figure out our final budget (I want some of my cash back, man!! ) and finish off some administrative stuff.

For myself, even though I let it ruin run my life for the last few months, it was a great experience. I learned a great deal about event/project management. Was there a lot of stuff I could have handled different? Absolutely. At times, I let the smallest thing get to me and I allowed my control freak nature to rear its ugly head on more than one occasion. But in a lot of ways, I think that if I wasn’t the control freak I am, a lot of stuff wouldn’t have gotten done. It just wouldn’t have. So in a weird way, I am kinda proud.

But, I guess the biggest thing that I will take away from this experience is that I think I have a talent for project management. So much so that I am I reconsidering my Business Analyst certificate. I am looking at taking the Project Management one instead. I’m currently doing a couple BA courses that will be helpful regardless, but I am not too far into the certificate that switching would be a problem. And the best part is that my manager has already agreed that project management would be better for me since a lot of the work I do is project based. This will probably start in the new year, methinks.

Now, I am just waiting for things to get back to normal. I want to start drawing again. I feel like I haven’t picked up a pencil in AGES.

Oh, if you are interested, I have posted our Thrill The World video. Its kinda dark and far away (but this is mostly because we had very specific rules about what we needed to record for our record attempt). But it gives you the idea!

*Well, they could be helped by punching a couple people really hard in their junk. But apparently this isn’t acceptable behaviour when you are the Co-Manager of an event like this. Still, it would have made me feel better.

Smiles!, originally uploaded by thedirtyground.

Rockin’ the Puppy Eyes, originally uploaded by thedirtyground. She is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too good at the sad puppy eyes.

Action Shot?, originally uploaded by thedirtyground.

I promise I won’t become one of those annoying dog people. I promise.

Please meet Ripley! My semi-sekrit life change-ie thing!

I adopted Ripley from the awesome folks at Alberta Animal Rescue Crew Society. Just brought her home last night. She’s a rescue dog. She’s about 8 months old and a bit puppy crazy. So much energy! It’s crazy! They figure she is a chocolate brown lab cross – though we have no idea what she was crossed with.

Ok, I will admit that, to most, getting a dog is probably not a huge life-altering thing. But it was to me. I haven’t had a dog since I was about 18 and that was a family dog and I wasn’t the primary caregiver. So its almost a brand new thing for me. Plus, the whole reason I elected to go the dog route was because after Odin passed away, I just didn’t wanna feel like I was replacing him with another cat. I think a dog will squelch any of those feelings. And will certainly be a big learning curve for me. Especially when it comes to introducing her to my cat, Loki.

They met briefly last night and it did not go well. Ripley tried to chase her and Loki was not impressed. But that was completely my fault. I’m going to have a more controlled meeting the next time. Plus, I think its time to invest in a baby gate.

At any rate, Ripley is going to be a fantastic addition to our family. We will be attending dog classes soon – for both of us. But the next little while I think we are just going to have to get used to each other and she needs to learn her new name.

Title: PowerGirl
Size: 8.5 x 11.5″
Medium: Sketchbook
Time: 2 hours
Status: WIP

A quickish one.  I have an inappropriate crush on Power Girl. I am not sure why. I know virtually nothing about her. So I’m convinced its an aesthetic thing.  I’m sure its because on most days, she looks like a porn star.  She really just cracks me up.  And she’s probably the only character in the Superman universe that is even remotely interesting to me.  Plus, if I can do drawings of W’s favourite Marvel girls, then my DC girls deserve some love too!

And between you and I, I think PG is probably my best one yet, which pleases me because it means I am improving. Woot! And I didn’t even make her boobs as big as I could have!   Though, her right hand (artist left) is kind of weak.  But an improvement over the hands I have done in the past.  So I will take what I can get.

I’m probably going to colour her when I have a chance. Doing the Dark Phoenix drawing reminded me how much I miss the Prismas.  Prismas are awesome.

I think I like doing these little sketches.  They are completely fun.  They are also helping to keep me in the game until Thrill The World and my current class is over because let’s face it, I haven’t touched my self-portrait in weeks.  I suspect I won’t until November.  Once things finally calm down around here. Och.  I am quite finished with the last couple of months kicking my ass, thankyewverymuch.

I won’t lie.  I can not wait for October 24th to be done and over with. CG and I might to get drunk or something. Holy.

If nothing else, at least this experience has taught us what NOT to do next year.  Also?  Pretty frustrated with HQ.  They haven’t been filtering out any helpful information especially for people like us who have never done anything like this before.   There are shitloads of questions that I am sure more than just us have and well, nothing from HQ.  If you want to organize a global event like this, maybe have some fucking organization and/or communication skills, m’kay?  I will not rant about this.  I could go on for DAYS and really, do you care? I thought not.

Besides TTW, both work and school have been keeping me busy.  I’m finished two classes and work is starting to mellow out (sorta).  It will be mellower by the end of October for sure.  I used to draw on my lunch break, but that is now filled with school work and TTW takes up most of my time in the evenings.  Ugh.  I was very near to a burn-out a couple days ago.  I have been burning the candle at both ends for so long that it was almost inevitable.  Thankfully, my “I don’t give a fuck” coping mechanism kicked in yesterday so I think I am starting to manage better.    I haven’t killed anyone yet, so that’s progress?!

Still, with a lot of the work for TTW is finished (or at least managed) and with me being in my last class for this year, I suspect once November rolls around, I should be in much more positive spirits. Especially since I am taking the first week of November off of work. Woot! Can. Not. Wait.

I’m also working on a semi-sekrit life change-ie thing.  Most people in my life know about it, but I don’t really wanna talk about it online yet. I don’t wanna jinx it.   Things are brewing and there should be big news (well big to me at least) by early next week. I hope!

Beyond that, I just really wanna draw again. Yeesh.

Title: Dark Phoenix
Size: 11 x 14″
Medium: Prismacolor Markers on Aquabee Manga Artist Paper (110 lb.)
Time: 4 hours
Status: Complete

I took a break from my portrait to work on a quick drawing for W’s birthday. I really like doing these little marker drawings. They are quick to do and give me a bit of a holiday from the intensity of my normal portrait stuff. I like it. It is fun.

I am still really, really swamped. I barely had time to squeeze this one in. But I only have to survive until after October 24th. Then things should get back to normal (relatively). Maybe then I can work on a PowerGirl one.

More detailed photos of the drawing after the jump.

Title: 001
Size: 11 x 14″
Medium: Graphite on Bristol Smooth
Time: 12 hours
Status: WIP

Ugh. Super busy. Almost have no time to blog.  Really angry that I am so busy.  I will save you from the details and rage.  But I managed to force some work on this. Result?  Nose is pissing me off.

W, originally uploaded by thedirtyground.

Two posts in one day! Crazy, right?

We were in Vancouver over the weekend – doing some Dad memorial stuff and visiting some of my people. I haven’t been to the West Coast in over two years. Crazy. Crazy. I even finagled a chance to watch My Friend Lisa (SM’s band) jam (which was full of awesome). There was sightseeing and revelry. It was great. And a huge thank you to SM and JA for playing tour guides while we were there. Funs!

While there, I took a crapload of photos. Most of which can be viewed here and here.

I’ve been playing around with Lightroom a bit – doing some post-production on some all of my photos. And man, I dig it. I especially dig some of the presets. Mostly because I am lazy and I didn’t really have time to monkey about with specific settings.

I’m a BIG FAN of the High Contrast B&W and the Direct Positive presets. They are fun and make my stuff look more interesting than they probably are.

Title: 001
Size: 11 x 14″
Medium: Graphite on Bristol Smooth
Time: 9.5 hours
Status: WIP

Ugh, its been since June 24th since I posted any work or works in progress here. Crazy. I needed to take the summer off, I suppose.  At any rate, I’m back at the self-portrait.  I’ve probably put about three or so hours into it since picking my pencil back up.  I’m pleased with the progress.  And I am still in love with my lead holders.

Beyond work, TTW Calgary has been keeping me pretty busy. Along with the poster design, I also did much of the web design for the site*. Go look! It is very, very similar to the poster design because CG and I figured it would be smart to keep our brand consistent. It’s kinda basic, but I love it in ways that are sick and wrong. Hee.

As for the event itself, we are about a nano-second away from announcing the location (as well as a possible – completely awesome – sponsor). CG has a meeting with the potential sponsor and the location folks on Friday to talk logistics. The location is perfect and would probably hold a lot of dancing zombies if our numbers were high. With any luck, by the end of the weekend, we can finally start advertising the event. We only have two months left  (!!!!) so getting a handle on the advertising is key at this point. And ya know, maybe learning the dance. Oi.

And for anyone in Calgary, you should really participate in this event. DANCING ZOMBIES! FUNS! Also, if you are so inclined, we could use a couple volunteers. Details on the website!

As for my actual artwork, I am slowly getting back. I have been working on the self-portrait. I’ll post an update photo when I can. I am also trying out some new pencils. I keep hearing good things about lead holders so I picked up a few Staedtler’s yesterday. Hopefully they work out because I love my mechanicals, but I break them so very easily. Maybe the lead holders will be a bit stronger. I also picked up some powdered graphite because I kept hearing good things about the darks you can get. Figured I would experiment a bit.

Oh, and I think I am going to be in a small show on November 28th. I’ll forward more details when I have them.

*Don’t let the name of the designer on the site fool you. Almost everything you see was designed by me. I kinda came in and took over when our original designer got busy and wasn’t really getting our brand.

Truth be told, I even picked up the self-portrait too.  I have had hankerings to start working on it. Hankerings!  This is a very good sign, methinks.  I am pleased.

Tomorrow is my last hosted event for the Calgary Art Meetup group. It’s just a still-life session, but I’m looking forward to it.  I mean, if nothing else, that will get me to draw something.   And I am kind of relieved that I am closing the organizer chapter as well.  With Thrill the World looming and school starting in September, I definitely won’t have any time for anything else.

Speaking of TTW, I guess I have been doing some artwork (graphic design) after all. Just digitally.  I’m working on mockups for posters that we wanna riddle the city with and I am pretty pleased with them. Actually, that’s not right. I love them a lot.  I think they are pretty swell.  And hopefully, I can post them soon. We just need to firm up on some information going on the posters because right now, there’s a whole lot of nothing.

CG and I have a face-to-face in-the-flesh meeting on Sunday.  With any luck, we will be able to cross a bunch of stuff of our ever-growing list – especially the big one – location.   I think I have found a place to hold the event (and potentially rehearsals too), but we need to discuss.  We also need to start doling out tasks to volunteers (apparently we have 10) because as October approaches, we’ll need all the help that we can get.   And a big one, we really need to start marketing because if the Facebook group is indicative of what will happen on October 24th – well, we would only have 9 dancers. Oops! Heh.

And once the bigger things are taken care of, that means I can focus on the zombie makeup workshop that I want to hold. I need to practice my techniques, which means that W and his pals may just end up as unwilling models/test subjects! Hee!

I heart zombies.

Up until now, ACAD offered two through their Extended Studies faculty – Studio Arts (which is basically beginner studio certificate) and Jewelry Arts (which I have no interest in).  Neither certificate appealed to me in any way whatsoever.  I know my way around a studio already and jewelry? Meh.  I have my Visual Design certificate through U of C and for the most part, I am pleased with it.  My future plans were that I would take some art courses as I found ones that interested me.

Only, guess what?  ACAD is offering a new certificate – a Graphic Design certificate (!!!).  If you have read my blog before, you know that I have been kicking around the idea of Graphic Design for a little while now. Only it wasn’t really feasible because the only decent programs were offered either as degree or full-time programs.  Neither of which are valid options for me.  So the introduction of this certificate is very, very appealing to me.

Now, I am committed to the Business Analysis certificate. Mostly because I know it would greatly benefit me from a job perspective. Plus, work is willing to pay for it.  But I gotta say, a Graphic Design certificate is pretty damn appealing too!  I won’t lie, I had a couple fleeting moments of ditching the business certificate entirely.

However, the realistic and responsible side of me knows that it wouldn’t be a very intelligent route.  The business certificate is responsible. So, I will go forward with the business certificate as planned.  I am hoping to have it half finished by the end of the year and then have it completely finished by the end of Winter semester next year.  The classes are mostly seminar based or online.

As for the Graphic Design certificate, yes, I am going to do it.  My “plan” is to tackle it the same way as my Visual Design certificate – courses here and there when I can (maybe one in the Fall semester) and focus on it more once the business one is finished.  Thankfully, the certificate is much, much shorter than the VDes one. Its only seven courses.

I won’t lie though. I have some apprehensions about both certificates. I have gotten it into my head that I “need” to have a “grown-up” certificate like the business one, but I really want to do the Graphic Design one.  I know nothing of graphic design and I am pretty keen to learn.  I’d like to think that I would be good at it and it would be a professional way to incorporate my artistic skills (much more so than my web-design abilities).  My fear, however, is that I will never actually use it on any type of professional level and that I would just be throwing away my cash. This is not the most positive attitude to have. So while I am committed to taking the courses, I am pretty antsy about how I am going to use them.

I am at a point in my life where I would like to have a career. It could be attributed to the fact that I am turning 35 this year. But most of my friends have careers (electricians, engineers, lawyers, managers, financial controllers, game designers (almost anyway! :)) etc. etc.), while I have only ever had a job. I want to change that. I want a career!! I want to find my professional passion.  But the search is pretty exhaustive.  I wish it was easier.

It’s pretty frustrating not knowing what you wanna be when you grow up when you are actually supposed to be all growed up.

While I still haven’t cracked open my books, I have been sketching a bit more. And I have a poster project that has been taking a bit of my time up. You see, somehow I have found myself as co-manager for Calgary’s Thrill The World event in October. Initially, I signed up to volunteer to help with poster design as well as hosting a zombie make-up workshop. But my role just expanding expotentially from there. And its rad. CG (the really-real event manager) and myself have never done anything like this before, so it’s going to be a significant learning curve. But a rad one, ya know?

If you don’t know what Thrill the World is, you should visit the website. Seriously. It’s going to be a hoot. Yeah, I said it. A HOOT!

Dancing zombies. ‘Nuff said.

CG and I have a tonne of ideas and just can’t wait to get the ball rolling. Right now, we are just struggling with the early stages of planning – location, rehearsal dates, volunteers, information dissemination etc. etc. But we had a great meeting last night and both of us feel really, really positive about where we are headed. Even if, unlike some of our sister cities, we seem to be a little behind on the planning. Mostly, I attribute that to the fact that this is our first year.

We are also hoping to raise a bit of money for Wellspring (if we can get their a-ok). We don’t think we are going to make it a fundraising event, per se. More of a “donate what you can” thing.

Our local website isn’t really launched yet. I guess we are waiting for our designer to return from holidays. But! If you wanna know more about the Calgary event, you should follow us on Twitter. But more than that, you should really just sign up, come out on October 24th, and have some dancing zombie fun!

[Yes, you are going to get harassed with zombie business for the next three months.]

As I was saying, being hot makes me lazy. It makes me just wanna lie around and do nothing. So I have been for the last week or so. Well, sort of. There have been weddings, visits from the mighty SM and JA as well as SP and PB, and a myriad of other little things that have been holding my attention. So I have been – when not roasting – kind of busy.  And this week appears to be more of the same. The next couple of days, Mom and I will be attending to some Estately things with a lawyer, there’s my first session of Dark Heresy on Thursday, yummy-nummy Thai with the Peoples on Friday, and a quick jaunt to Dickson this weekend to hang out with W’s grandparents from Nova Scotia.

So yeah, uhm, busy.

Still, I have managed to actually look at the portrait I was working on (before I tanked with copious amounts of burn-out) and thought, “Hurm.  I should finish that.”

Progress in baby steps, my friends.

With their arrival, I am hoping to get back into some semblance of a routine.  My plan is to start with Keys to Drawing with Imagination.  There are some exercises within the book that might help kick-start me a bit.  I will try and post my results.

Maybe I can get back into the habit of blogging too!

RIP Odin. My beautiful Boo. My little Fattie.

You will always be one of the most important beasts in my life. Thank you for allowing me to be your human.

So it seemed kinda silly to post anything here. I mean, a girl can only complain about how unproductive she is for so long before people (including myself) start tuning out. Lately, in case you haven’t noticed, there has been a lot of complaining. Too much, in fact. Och.

Now, this is likely just a symptom of my burn out. I have been re-considering what I want to accomplish with this blog. When I originally started out, I wanted it to simply be a place for me to chronicle the progress of my work and to keep myself motivated. Over the last year or so, it feels like it has veered away from my original intent. Sure, I post work (when I have some), but more often than not, I find myself complaining, whining, and just being generally unpleasant about myself as an artist. It’s not a very positive or rewarding feeling. And like my work, blogging about my work almost feels like a chore now. And not a particularly welcomed chore. And that makes me kinda sad.

On the flipside, I don’t want to give up art blogging or take a hiatus or anything silly like that. Art blogging is a fantastic tool and even if I am a bit disenchanted with it at the moment, I know how much it has helped me over the last couple of years. I guess what I am saying is that I really need to find the love again. But the problem (at least currently) is figuring out HOW to do that. I’ve been brainstorming some ideas – like blogging when I want to instead of feeling obligated to (that’s a HUGE one) or turning it into a strictly photo update blog of my work*. And I am certainly looking at a design revamp.

I guess what I am asking is for your patience while I figure my shit out. I love this blog and I am not abandoning it. I just need to get my fricking house in order and let my brain relax a little bit.

*Somedays, actually most days, I think I ramble too much about my work. I’d like to get away from that.

Och, when I re-read that paragraph, I kinda cringe. It sounds so bloody domestic.  And it totally is. I guess I just never thought there would come a day that I would blog about… weeding a garden and mowing a lawn. Crazy.  This grown-up crap is weird.

But, to make matters sadder worse, I posted some photos of the gardens that I took yesterday on my flickr account. Ha!

Whut.

Tonight, we are (hopefully) booking our flights to Vancouver in September. I am very excited.  I haven’t been to the coast since 2007.  I really owe SM a trip out there.   We’re planning on going out on a Thursday and returning on a Monday evening so it will be short but sweet.

And I won’t lie. I have already been to Pollstar to see if there are any gigs that my Concert Pal and I could take in while I am there. Sadly, there is no joy yet.  The Dead Weather will be there the week before we plan on going, which kinda bums me out. I would have loved to have seen them live.  I seriously doubt they will ever come to Calgary. Not since I firmly believe Jack White hates Calgary.   Ok, hate is probably a strong word, but they did not play Boll Weevil at the end of their set, therefore, he dislikes Calgary.

Whut.

Perfect logic.

Here’s a couple of sketch pages I worked on the last couple of days. I worked on the page with multiple figures on Monday night and the larger portraits* were done yesterday on my lunch break.

I’m enjoying it a lot. I mean, its pretty different from what I normally do and at this stage, it’s sketching. And we all know how good I am at sketching. I won’t lie, it has been a challenge to curb my baser instincts to finish a COMPLETE DRAWING when I am doodling in my sketchbook.

I’ve also found it interesting to use references in a completely different way. I’ve collected a bunch of Geisha photographs from the internets and I’m using them as references – especially for the elaborate hair pieces and hopefully for the kimonos. Normally, I replicate exactly what I see. But in this little exercise, I am just choosing pieces from different photos and incorporating them into a sketch. It’s an interesting challenge, especially coming from my background. I think I like it.

The next step is to figure out what I am going to do for a couple of finished pieces. Ideally, I’d like to do three. We have A LOT of wall space in the bedroom. Three 11 x 14″ pieces would cover up some of that blank space quite nicely.

In other news, I’m still on the fence about the Annual Art Exhibition and whether or not I will submit anything. I am almost leaning towards no. But, I really should look through my portfolio and see if there is anything I can submit. But truth be told, I am not sure I want to go through the hassle. The sad part is that I am also on the fence about another show in September. Its a one day show and while I don’t have all of the details (am about to email the organizer), I, again, don’t know if I have anything to show. I think I will need more details on that one before I make up my mind.

But hey, at least I have opportunities to show, so I shouldn’t complain too much.

*Yes, the irony does not escape me that I am still technically doing portraits. But ya know, I guess I love the human face.