the blog with two legs

JONATHON ROSS RESIGNS FROM THE BBC

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 12:43:00 +0000

There seems to be some confusion about why Jonathon Ross is leaving the BBC. Some say the BBC want rid of him because he constantly defends the salaries of himself and other highly-paid BBC staff involved in his shows by saying that "you have to pay the best money if you want the best...

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TWENTY CONVERSATIONS - Number 3

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 07:47:00 +0000

"Just for security..." You know as soon as you hear those words that whoever it is saying them now wants to know yet another of the increasing PIN numbers, passwords, and associated security gubbins we're expected to memorise and be able to recall instantly when challenged. (And yes we know that...

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DICKING ABOUT

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 09:00:00 +0000

According to statistics published by the UK Government, the number of crimes committed in Yorkshire and the Humber area is way above average in loads of areas. They're above average for vandalism. They're above average for burglary. They're above average for vehicle thefts. Above average for...

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NAME AND SHAME - Part 3

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:19:00 +0000

If we have to explain it, there's no point explaining it... (Thanks, Denis!)

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Rest In Peace

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 04:01:00 +0000

1922-2009

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THANKFULLY, IAN HUNTLEY CAN'T SING OR DANCE

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:30:00 +0000

Hello... Hello... It's good to be back, it's good to be back! Hello... Hello... It's good to be back, it's good to be back! Hello... Hello... Hello... ...GOODNESS GRACIOUS! What? WHAT? Really? ...unless it's by Michael Jackson, eh? ! P.S. - More Michael Jackson posts HERE!

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MICHAEL JACKSON COMMEMORATIVE SNUFF PLATE

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 10:20:00 +0000

Crafted in China to fairly precise standards, this fine Michael Jackson Commemorative Snuff Plate is offered to the discerning collector and completist fan by MMTS Offers. It was miraculous how, only minutes after he heard of the Blessed Michael's passing, the Managing Director of MMTS Offers,...

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MICHAEL JACKSON COMMEMORATION

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 01:17:00 +0000

Rumour has it that Marks & Spencers, owners of the 'St Michael' brand name, are to commemorate the passing of Michael Jackson. Children's skirts, shorts and underwear are to be down all next week. P.S. - More Michael Jackson posts HERE!

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MICHAEL JACKSON - POST MORTEM RESULTS

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 23:25:00 +0000

Rumour has it that the Post-Mortem report will reveal that the mystery doctor on hand last night was Jackson's latest cosmetic surgeon. He'd left Jackson with a surgery catalogue, and the instruction to "pick his nose". Unfortunately Jackson took him literally, and his head caved in. P.S. -...

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SO MICHAEL JACKSON GOES TO HEAVEN...

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:42:00 +0000

Jesus knows what you did... and he's NOT HAPPY! P.S. - More Michael Jackson posts HERE!

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MICHAEL JACKSON - DEAD OR ALIVE?

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:40:00 +0000

Reports are reaching The Blog With Two Legs that renowned kiddie-dangler Michael Jackson has died. As a mark of respect, we dedicate this wreath of black noses to him: click to enlarge Over 300 noses were hand-picked for freshness to make this. It's what he would have wanted. God knows he...

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SWINE FLU UPDATE - GP HEALTH RISK

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 10:11:00 +0000

You know that The Blog With Two Legs always has your best interests at heart, so with that in mind we bring you - and in particular the people of Croydon - this little nugget of medical nonsense. If you're in the UK you'll know how the UK Government has spent a fortune telling us to be particularly...

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INSIDE INFORMATION

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:18:00 +0000

The human subconscious is an astounding thing. Capable of insights we never realise, of blocking thoughts and memories, of ascribing motives and excuses for our behaviour, even raising psychosomatic symptoms that seem like real illnesses caused by external factors. Frankly, you just never know...

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TACTFUL, GOOGLE... VERY TACTFUL

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 12:43:00 +0000

Now, The Blog With Two Legs is advertising-free. We like it that way, it means we don't have to kowtow to The Man, we can write what we want, offend who we like, and generally not give a stuff. Great! We also know that there are businesses out there that rely on advertising to pay the bills,...

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SWAMP MONSTER CAPTURED ON FILM

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 11:12:00 +0000

Exciting news for cryptozoologists on Thursday as a real live swamp monster was spotted rising from the depths! The shaggy-furred beast was caught on film sploshing about in the depths of the River Pool, in Lewisham, England: Luckily BBC reporters were on hand to film the clumsy and...

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THE RETURN OF JADE GOODY

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Wed, 27 May 2009 11:37:00 +0000

Well, you can't say we didn't warn you! Last month we told you it wouldn't be long before Jade Goody was reaching out from beyond the grave - and yes, according to an article by David Balls of the wonderful Digital Spy, it's started! Apparently Jade has been appearing as an apparition to her Mum,...

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HOW TO ACHIEVE PEACE WITH NORTH KOREA PART 2

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Mon, 25 May 2009 11:39:00 +0000

So Great Uncle Bulgaria and The Wombles.. sorry, Great Leader Kim Jong-il and the North Koreans are at it again, setting off firecrackers in the middle of a Bank Holiday Sunday night and annoying the neighbours. Gordon Brown should serve Kim Jong-il with an ASBO. After all, they're really...

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THE HUM

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sun, 24 May 2009 04:13:00 +0000

The Blog With Two Legs is awfully tolerant to a point, but some folks clearly exist for no reason other than to test our patience and annoy us. It was only after I realised I was actually physically grinding my teeth that I noticed that Jim was transforming, changing from 'Jim, the Bloke it's OK...

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MISUNDERSTOOD ARTISTS #1 - Salvador Dalek

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sat, 23 May 2009 02:29:00 +0000

First of an occasional series...

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noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Fri, 22 May 2009 11:20:00 +0000

Double-bubble! Yes, the latest instalment of A NICE BIT OF STONE-CLADDING ©™ isn't just one house, it's TWO, right next door to each other. They may be similar, but they're different colours, meaning they've probably been done at different times or by different people. You do realise what this...

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HAVE YOU BEEN INJURED?

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Tue, 19 May 2009 10:34:00 +0000

"HAVE YOU BEEN INJURED? Finding out is quick and easy!" Above is a snap of a genuine banner advert for a (harumph!) "accident advice helpline" that's running at the moment. How stupid do they think we are? Do they really think we'd have been injured recently and NOT noticed it? How does that...

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TWENTY CONVERSATIONS - Number 2

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Mon, 18 May 2009 15:29:00 +0000

Lots of places these days have signs that say something along the lines of: "VIOLENCE, VERBAL ABUSE OR THREATENING BEHAVIOUR TOWARDS OUR STAFF WILL NOT BE TOLERATED." You see these signs in doctor's surgeries, in hospitals, in banks, in Post Offices, in Job Centres, and so on. Now, in general,...

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NAME AND SHAME - Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sun, 17 May 2009 04:27:00 +0000

Those of you that remember the NAME AND SHAME article from a few weeks ago might also remember that we said: "...Just think how they'll see their names for the rest of their lives, just you read these aloud: Mr A Ness Mr P Ness..." The Blog With Two Legs thought at the time that was just about...

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BROADFOOT FOWLED IN EGGSTRA TIME

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Sat, 16 May 2009 02:51:00 +0000

Glasgow Rangers' full-back Kirk Broadfoot is in the news after being injured... by a poached egg! The hard-man defender was apparently caught by surprise when a Deadly Ninja Assassin Egg, probably laid by a cunning Glasgow Celtic-supporting evil mastermind chicken, spat some hot water on his...

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DON'T MENTION THE WAR

noreply@blogger.com (Two Legs Good) — Thu, 14 May 2009 02:27:00 +0000

Looks like the Pope's chief spokesman, Father Federico Lombardi, will need to be popping to confession soon! As has been widely reported, he can't seem stick to the facts about the Pope's admitted membership of the Hitler Youth. Father Lombardi claimed that "...the Pope was never in the Hitler...

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