What really boggles the mind is that The Ruins of Beverast is ONE GUY. I have tried to write classical music and various compositions for years, and to achieve what this album achieves is quite a feat. Foulest Semen Of A Sheltered Elite is sheer genius. It is easily THE best album I’ve heard in over 10 years. It combines droning, doom/black guitar passages, samples, clear vocals, and an atmosphere almost unrivaled in the current metal scene. The growls and screams on this recording are powerful to say the least, and the clear vocals are more than tolerable; they add a much-needed diversity to the album’s sound.

I’m including one of the songs in this review to give you a glimpse of what you are in for when you hear this. It’s called “Mount Sinai Moloch” and it’s a fucking monster! By the way, at the end of this track, the clear vocals are saying: “In profane and moribund solitude, thou shall vegetate.” Haha! That’s fucking brilliant! If you don’t get it by the riff at 4:21 into the song, just turn it off, slap on any various grind CD and enjoy listening to some 1-minute songs with about as much depth as a puddle… and go fuck yourself, too, lover-boy.

One thing I noticed about this recording is I can’t remember the last time I haven’t had to adjust the EQ on my music player. The album is recorded flawlessly. Unarguably the best release of 2009. Fuck that, the best release of the past few years, easily. This stuff makes me want to stop writing and playing music. I can’t fathom competing with this kind of artistic genius. Absolutely essential.

Yesterday’s arrival was none other than Grindvirus, the brand new release by Polish grindmeisters Squash Bowels.   Squash Bowels have been around since 1994 playing a consistent, if formulatic style of grind.   Upon giving the CD its first play, my expectations were a bit tempered.   This is because even though I enjoyed both No Mercy and The MassRotting-The Mass Sickening by these guys, I found both albums to be a bit lacking in variety.  While they were both brutal and intense, I thought most of the songs sounded too similar and tended to get redundant quickly.

Well – stop the presses, back the truck up, hold your horses, and any other fucking cliché you can use.   Because this CD, as they say, changes everything.   As this review is being typed, the CD is on its’ 8th play in about 24 hours.  Forget potential, Squash Bowels has put it all together as far as I am concerned.

The band has gone through some changes, and all for the better.   New guitarist Andy plays with a fluidity that I found lacking in previous efforts.    Instead of simply pummeling you with a buzz-saw style approach, Andy throws some awesome fucking riffs on “Sheep Dag,” “Shit Oneself,” (great title, by the way) and “Child Victims.” Drummer Marius comes to life as well, adding some creative rhythms to “Bacterial Fertliser” and the gruntstramental “D.I.” One of my gripes with No Mercy was the lack of variance in the drumming.   That is definitely not the case here.    The band seems more willing to throw in some tempo changes periodically, which allows the songs to develop and progress.  Because the songwriting is better, the tempo changes don’t take away from the intensity of the CD one bit.

Finally, we have remaining member Arthur on bass and vocals.   Arthur is in fine form here, offering both manic screeches and low guttural vocals throughout the disc.   With the improved musicianship, the vocals stand out more and fit the songs perfectly.    The band maintains their sense of humor with titles like “Don’t Look A Gift Horse In The Ass” and “Nose-Lunger” (yum!).

In the few months that I’ve contributed to Teufel’s Tomb, I have yet to submit a review that I deemed an Essential buy.   Well, you can consider that cherry popped in a big way.    As always some may disagree with that assessment, but this is my fucking review not yours.    Feel free to go write your own review and have your mom tape it to the fridge if you want.   I’m sure she’ll be proud of you.   For the rest of you, stop whatever it is you’re doing right now and go get this fucking album.

Don Decker of Anal Blast - Rest In Peace

Former Teufel’s Tomb scribe Abbas sent me an e-mail yesterday to inform me of the unfortunate passing of Anal Blast vocalist Don Decker.  I didn’t know Don well enough to consider him a close and dear friend, but I knew him well enough to know that, despite being a fucked up sheep fucking weirdo, he’s actually a really cool guy.  My interview with him was, by far, the most read article on the website of all time!  I know you’re out there, somewhere, fucking sheep and eating tampons, rest in peace Don!  I’m going to go drink beer and masturbate and shit porn in your honor!

It’s no surprise I was a big fan and supporter of Anal Blast and always felt the band’s music was overlooked and under appreciated due to Don’s hilarious, yet offensive, subject matter.  Some of you may have hear them and may be fans, some of you may have no clue, but here’s a little something for you to remember Don by; two rare Anal Blast tracks from the ultra limited Texas Metalfest Compilation “Lil Cunts” and “She Eats Her Tampons Out Of My Shit.” Enjoy!

I am very impressed by the production on this album.  It has the clarity and punch that I don’t always have to have, but for Vomit The Soul’s style of metal it fits together like my hand and cock.  This is the way new school death metal should sound.  With the sickest of execution these Italian’s blend blasting, breakdowns, mid-pacing, grunts, squeals, growls, and just about anything else you could expect from a modern sounding death metal band.  They are not technical on the whole, but there are shades.  Basically, these dudes have exercised great taste.  Some may have a problem with the number of breakdowns.  To you I say, “Suffocation” and “Fuck off.”

Apostles of Inexpression is one of those rare albums that can hold a spot on my little bitch of an ipod (2GB) for months while I’m constantly updating it with new shit almost daily (I have summers off).  This album is also a rarity in that it makes me feel like dancing like a black man.  The last time this happened was when I was first listening to Benighted’s Icon.  I would have been doing the Kid N’ Play kick-step had another like-minded individual been in the vicinity.  The way Vomit The Soul combine so many elements so tastefully doesn’t come along too often.  Unless you only listen to “real” death metal, you might want to get with this ASAP.

This self-produced effort at Offbeat Studios treads down the same beaten path that this gaggle of Swedes has treaded down in previous outings. It’s big, bold and bloody. From the brief into that fuck-starts “Necronomics” and kicks this thing into high gear, it’s clear that General Surgery does not plan on settling down or headed in the direction of Necrotisism – Descanting the Insalubrious in the same was that fellow Carcass loving one-nutters Exhumed did with their 2003 Anatomy is Destiny album. This is a good thing and while fickle fucks who demand progress and diversity will tear up that this doesn’t sound like a 3rd rate Arch Enemy band, those who enjoy a brutal fusion of death metal and gore grind will continue to revere General Surgery as a band who have always understood their calling.

Goddamn, that drum roll on “Final Excarnation” is awesome. As is the entire drum production. A fat fucking snare blasting, with toms that sound like the axe embedding itself into the trunk of the last tree I chopped down and cymbals that splash entrails soaking with piss that grip my mind like a deer in headlights. The majority of the stench wafting through the speakers is offered up is provided by the chainsaw roars of the dual axe attack churned and spit out by OG member of General Surgery, Dr. Carlsson as well as co-conspirator, Dr. Wallin

The departure of a vocalist is a tricky thing to manage well. Take a look at what happened to fucking Journey when Steve Perry wrecked his hop and could no longer go on as lead singer. Has anyone ever heard any of the revolving cast of people hired to cover for him in the past twelve years? No you have not. I think that newcomer Dr. Sahlström offers a vocal performance that is raspier than his predecessor, Dr. McWilliams. But with the familiar gore soaked back ups, it turns out that Dr Sahlström ends up fitting into the mold very nicely. It’s a transition that went smoother than I thought it might.

It’s pretty simple folks. Corpus in Extremis is a dismembered fifteen track casket of grotesqueries, exhumed for a back alley autopsy. This sick platter flies off a cliff in a black hearse kissing its own anus the whole time and doesn’t let up. It is a fine example of what is right about the state of gory grindcore in 2009. Get this damn album and enjoy life without being an idiot about it.

Of course, nothing lasts forever and even the best stumble.

BUT NOT YET MOTHERFUCKERS!!! LASSE IS GONNA MAKE YOU HIS BITCH!!!!

That last sentence is pretty much Claws in a nutshell. Eschewing the death/doom and early Earache worship of Lasse’s past 3 Razorback offerings, Claws is a completely one-man project dedicated to the forgotten sounds of Sweden’s Crematory and Finland’s Abhorrence. Now, there’s only 2 reactions to that:

1) “Who are those guys?” – GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE AND GO DEMO DIGGING ASSHOLE!

2) “Whoa. That… is… fucking… AWESOME!” – I love you. Will you let me lick you? Please let me lick you.

Yeah, needless to say the prospect of an album that captures those 2 bands’ essences is pretty much a dream project. And Absorbed in the Nethervoid more or less captures this dark, dirty, and dreary essence. It possesses both bands’ murky, extreme riffing and sense of melody with a bit of Abhorrence’s atmosphere. And while it’s a considerably cleaner production, Absorbed in the Nethervoid can still recreate the sense of dark brutality and foreboding dread that was present in both bands’ demo offerings and it still has that thick, fuzzy production sound that death metal enthusiasts have come to know and love.

What’s even more impressive is that everything on here was entirely handled by Lasse: bass, guitars, drums, and vocals. Granted, one-man bands aren’t at all unheard of and quite many put out excellent releases, but Claws has a feeling of authenticity that’s not usually present on these one-man offerings. It captures everything morbid, heavy, and bleak about Scandinavian death metal’s most elite acts, and does it with a flair that would make you think it was created by a full 4-piece sitting inside some decrepit studio in 1993.

This isn’t to say that Claws isn’t without some of Lasse’s trademark techniques. The vocal approach hasn’t changed much from his other Razorback projects and some of Lasse’s guitar melodies have a distinctive Hooded Menace ring here or there, but this gives Absorbed in the Nethervoid a welcome feeling of familiarity for fans of Lasse’s past bands who are just breaking into the record.

Absorbed in the Nethervoid is easily my most anticipated Razorback Record of 2009, and I’m not disappointed. Claws delivers a much needed revival of a classic Scandinavian style, and delivers a truly mandatory death metal album. Grab this fucker.

Oh, and if Crematory made you think “German” please take a set of dull razors and proceed to de-glove the skin of your penis. There is only one true Crematory, and it ain’t German.

So unfortunately, this 3-way will require you to keep your pants on and focus on the 2007 three way split Altar Of The Old Skulls by Deathevokation, Kingdom, and Mandatory. However, in the spirit of all things Male, we’ll equate the performances of these bands to our imaginary orgy.   And, if you decide you don’t want to keep your pants on, I really don’t want to know the details.

We start off with fucking Deathevokation – see how this can work?   Deathevokation is the classic girl that you love to get naked with.   Well-executed and sophisticated with enough energy to keep you excited, Deathevokation offers 5 tracks of quality death metal.   The band plays crushing riffs that alternate nicely with some more dynamic interludes. The songs build to a peak, kind of like the girl next door who takes a little time to get warmed up but is definitely worth the ride.   The vocals of Götz Vogelsang have a bit of an Amon Amarth feel to them at times, which is a good thing.   This is old school death metal played with intensity but also with variation.   Deathevokation is the girl that you’d fuck again and again and actually wouldn’t mind having a relationship with.   With only 5 songs, my only minor complaint is I wish there were a few more tracks by these guys.

Next up from Germany, we have Mandatory. Mandatory happens to be the fat chick that you’ll take home and fuck but never admit to your friends that you’ve done so.   You’ll want her to leave as soon as the first crack of sunlight comes through the window in the morning.   While not terrible, the performance in comparison to Deathevokation and Kingdom sounds sloppy and directionless.   The vocals of Stefan Steinhaus come across as flat and are actually even annoying at times.  The guitar lines are pretty standard and uninspiring. Like the fat chick you’ve taken home, Mandatory will give you some short-term pleasure – it’s listenable, after all – but it’s pretty unmemorable and will leave you wanting something a bit more substantial.

Last is Poland’s Kingdom, who is completely at the other end of the scale.   This is  the girl at the end of the bar that you want to take home but probably never will.   She’s wild, exciting, and will probably let you have your way with her without hesitation.   With a style from vocalist Lewan that shifts from low gutturals to insanely manic high-pitched shrieks without notice, Kingdom is the girl that spits your cock out of her mouth just long enough to scream “now put it in my ass!” at the top of her lungs.   Or, if you’re lucky – vice versa. With blast beats, mid-paced riffs and some cool song titles (“Arrival Of The Goat,” “Final Carnage Of Worms”) their performance is unpredictable and just plain fun to listen to.

So there you have it – the Piledriver musical 3-way.   While not an instant classic, the album overall is definitely a good listen and worth picking up if you like old-style death metal, and really – who the fuck doesn’t???

Keep the Change, Despair have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Christian God doesn’t exist, because there’s no way in Hell a loving deity would let this abortion of piss and shit fall upon terrestrial ears, let alone be credited to His name. Oh yeah, there’s been shit Christian acts before, but even Blessed By a Broken Heart isn’t this bad.

Holy shit. They managed to make Blessed by a Broken Heart look good in comparison. That’s gotta be a fucking crime against humanity.

First, we have the vocals.  There are 3 prevalent styles on this self-titled demo: a guttural growl, a slurred scream, and a clean singing vocal. The guttural growl and high pitched screams are both generic and deserve no further attention. But that clean vocal… JESUS TITTY FUCKING CHRIST SMEARING DOG SHIT ALL OVER HIS DICK WITH A CROSS MADE OF THORNS SOAKED IN BATTERY ACID.

It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to sing. It sounds like he’s trying to drunkenly sing with shredded, deformed vocal chords whose development was stunted during adolescence, while nervously fingering a 12 year-old girl in the middle of her school field trip to a sexual predator’s self-help group. A cat in heat that’s being skinned alive while being sodomized by a jackhammer sings better than this. And no- this isn’t some meathead “OOOOOOooooo fuck singing” response; I fucking go gay for power metal and traditional metal. I got no qualms with clean vocals. I just have problems with poorly implemented clean vocals or shitty clean vocals.

And FUCK, this suffers from the latter. Just go to their MySpace and listen to “ToGetHer”, “Out of This Misery”, or “…Crying for Your Name”. Listen to those clean vocals. You will get the sudden urge to go to your local gun shop, buy a shotgun, and reserve one shell for your sound system and one shell for your own cranium because blowing your fucking brains out is the only way to cleanse your mind of these spectacularly shitty vocals.

When the clean vocals and screaming vocals team up for a duet, I’m pretty sure it bends time space and retroactively shoves gypsies and Jews into ovens in Auschwitz during the 1940’s.

And then there’s the music. It’s filled to the brim with craptastic, run-of-the-mill breakdowns for mindless, pointless, and ball-less moshing amidst vapid hardcore song structure. The riffs are forgettable and offer nothing of real interest. And the drumming is sleep inducing.

To say this thing is worthless would be an insult to things with no value. Honestly, if there was in fact a God, He would have blown up their practice space with all the equipment in it, and would have then went Old Testament on their asses, unleashing supernatural boils on their penises and ballsacks that resembled the phrase “STOP MAKING ME LOOK BAD YOU FUCKING RETARDS.” But He didn’t. Why? Because He probably doesn’t exist or if He does He is the opposite of what the Christians made him out to be.

Seriously, you want to argue the existence of God? Play this demo. Assuming the theist hasn’t hung themselves from a bridge by the end of the demo, they will have to concede that God doesn’t exist… at least in any manner they believed previously.

Congratulations Keep the Change, Despair! In addition to having a retarded fucking name, you have also crafted the single worst piece of music this decade, killed God by shoving your unshaven balls down His throat, and possibly induced anal leakage into your live audiences with your clean singer’s mistake for vocal chords. You have possibly also reduced the structural stability of every church you’ve played live in with how unbearably untalented your music is. Please don’t ever record anything ever again, and don’t ever reproduce because there has to be something genetically wrong with you if you think this is acceptable to release.

Anyway, what we have here is a fine spermsemen (or morsel, if you will) of a new-death-metal-band-playing-old-school-death-metal. You have to tag it as such, because if you say “Old School” the average passerby may think the band has been around for some time, when in fact, that passerby would be sorely mistaken and just may get himself killed in the process.

Well, Funebrarum has actually been around since 1999, so I suppose they are not “new” by any means. Although, it was not until recently that I had even heard their name mentioned. The Sleep of Morbid Dreams is new, though. Released a full 10 years since the band’s inception, it still sounds fresh regardless of the obvious influences to the music. Influences, you ask? Well, I’m glad you brought that up. The most prominent one, I’d say, would be Amorphis’ Privilege of Evil (you know, one of the albums Amorphis released before gay spirits took over their bodies through their rectal smiles and forced them to write music for MTV.) Aside from the Privilege of Evil thing (which I should say owes a good bit of its own sound to Abhorrence), the recording sound itself has that huge, nasty guitar sound that makes me think of none other than Grave and their almighty You’ll Never See. By the way, if this Grave reference doesn’t make you immediately and instinctively raise your fist and growl “Take my hand and walk with me until the end! You will never see heaven!”, the you, sire, are not worth more than a berry of the dingle genus. Also, there are a few parts that remind me of Symphonies of Sickness by Carcass. Don’t ask which parts and fuck you if you don’t think so. Also, don’t ask me for a blowjob. The answer is always yes and we do not need to bother with formalities and no I will not tell your metal friends lest you appear on a lower plane of brutality than they.

Anyway, I’ve been listening to a lot of this type of shit lately including bands like Dead Congregation, Ignivomous, Vorum, Krypts, Stench of Decay, Slugathor, blah blah blah. I picked this one to review because it was one of the first of a string of new albums by this particular wave of Old School Death Metal that I have been coming across. I’ll probably write a few reviews for some of the bands I just mentioned as well, but Funebrarum definitely has dibs on one of the top positions in the category if you know what I mean. If you don’t, listen to the audio sample included in this review. If your balls don’t blow out of your asshole at the end of the clip, you are most certainly a fag.

So, in conclusion, we have learned that beer is good for colds, passerbys are often killed, you are a fag, and Funebrarum’s newest offering, The Sleep of Morbid Dreams, slays. Actually, we didn’t learn that you were a fag. Your clearly visible bulging cheeks pressed against another man’s Leistenbeuge while kneeling behind the dumpster with a wad of cash in hand and a copy of Teen Beat rolled up in your back pocket gave you away.

So, in conclusion (again), along with a heap of surprisingly killer releases coming out this year, Funebrarum is most definitely at the top, flexing muscles far more muscly than thine. Buy it now!

Chances are he’d sound like Martin Van Drunen does on the first Asphyx full length release since 2000 Death…The Brutal Way.

It is no exaggeration to say that Van Drunen’s performance on Death…The Brutal Way is nothing short of amazing.   From the opening of the first track, “Scorbutics,” he sounds like an insane man possessed.  For a brief moment I thought there was actually a reasonable chance that Van Drunen was going to burst through my stereo speakers and bludgeon me to death with his bare hands.  The song starts at full-speed. No guitar or drum intro, no build-up; just immediate and intense fury.

The rest of the album unfolds similarly, with guitarist Paul Baayens expertly offering both doom-laden and up-tempo riffs to complement the rhythm section of bassist Wannes Gubbels and drummer Bob Bagchus.   The album ends with a great outro piece called “The Saw, The Torture, The Pain” that adds a bit of contrast to the blistering pace of the rest of the songs.  Throughout the album, the playing is varied enough to stay interesting but restrained enough so that there is no overcrowding the vocals.

Because as great as the music is, make no mistake – this is Martin’s Show.   As a matter of fact, it is quite conceivable that these songs wouldn’t be nearly as good as they are with any other singer.   That’s not a knock on the performance of the band, but instead is a testament to his impact.   The brutality of the title track makes it an instant classic, as it is the epitome of what vicious old-school death metal should sound like.   Again, Van Drunen is maniacal here.   Being familiar with the excellent releases by Hail of Bullets his capabilities are no surprise, but Van Drunen seems to have taken it up a notch here.

This is definitely one of the best albums I’ve heard in ’09 and will be on my short list for album of the year. Get this one, play it fucking loud, and watch everyone race to get out of the way.

Aside from this, though, Mental Horror has a little bit of something extra that caught my attention right away. They seem to have the recently uncommon ability to actually write a song. What I mean by that is a lot of bands don’t seem to be able to grasp the idea of filler riffs that hint at and lead up to a crescendo or a climax consisting of a solid, catchy, and devastating chorus riff section that is made all the more powerful by the lead up of those filler and build-up riffs. This is where Mental Horror particularly shines. Blemished Redemption contains chorus riffs that are reminiscent of death metal greats such as Covenant-era Morbid Angel (listen to the included sound sample and you should see what I mean), a little bit of Bolt Thrower’s legendary groove, and, most prominently on the song “Denying the Scars“, a bit of that “impending doom”-style riff akin to a little overlooked gem called Supreme Evil by the now shittified band, Diabolic. There are also a few melodic parts on the album that remind me a little of Kataklysm’s Temple of Knowledge. The vocals are definitely acceptable. Not underpowered by any means. They just fit. Mental Horror definitely play a bit faster than the old school death metal bands, but when the hook comes, it often blasts your liver out of your asshole with a violent wave of apocalyptic heaving that sticks in your head well into the following work day when you’re flipping your 2-centimeter-thick hamburgers at your precious job (which is probably a job at White Castle like most of you loser metal heads hold.)

Oh, and some of you may notice a similarity to their country mates, Krisiun in their style and sound. Well, I can agree to a certain extent, except for the fact that Southern Storm (while being a decent album in its own right) is like a snot-nosed retarded kid being shoved around and slapped in its little punk face by the much bigger and badder kid, e.g., Mental Horror.

So, yeah, apocalyptic, brewtle, relentless and thankfully painted over with a refreshing bit of the old school feel. Among the stupid mess of bands making stupid messes these days, Blemished Redemption definitely deserves a good ‘ol headphone blasting. Especially since you snot-nosed metal heads don’t have anything better to do than to flip burgers at White Castle and shove other, littler snot-nosed kids around and write it off as “moshing.” It would be nice if I was the exception, but I’m not. *Sniffle* Has anyone seen my inhaler?

Album highlights: “Observe the Martyr“, “Denying the Scars“, “Haunted“, and “God of the Pest and Flies.”

Masachist is a band formed by Thrufel (guitarist known from Azarath and Yattering) and Daray (ex-drummer of Vader among other notables).  They enlisted the vocal talents of Pig (ex-Decapitated), added bass and a second guitar, then called it a side project.  Having never been a big fan of Vader or Decapitated, I wasn’t expecting a lot.  Honestly though, I think these guys did the most they could with the time and talent allotted.  They actually manage to write a few memorable tracks.  Keeping with the euro vibe, they take a cue from Italy’s Sickening Horror by way of sparingly used “creepy” synth sounds.  The drumming is so precise it almost sounds mechanical.  Pig’s vocals are a guttural, yet raspy, and come off with intensity and conviction.  The guitars are razor sharp and never get out of pocket with technical wankery.   Shit, even Ross Dolan makes a subtle guest appearance.  In addition, I find the production to be just my style, not overly polished,  yet remaining transparent and balanced.  This album wasn’t just slapped together.

I you are like me, a fiend for new music, than this album is surely worth investigating.  I’d say more the half of the Tomb’s visitors will be more than pleased with this album.  If you’re looking for something highly original and devastating  you may need a new hobby.  We know as metal fans that those bands are rare.  Give these dudes a chance, I did, and they certainly have their moments.

The bands’ debut is not something I have ever heard before, so whether or not Obligatorisk Tortyr has stayed true to their initial influences or whether they have matured from the days of being the worst band ever before this release on Power It Up is beyond me. What you have here are some fairly generic contemporary grindcore with some fairly steady references to death metal and hardcore. It seems that original members Jens Kjerrström and Viktor Helge, the two rabid hillbillies in shitkickers and overalls I’ll bet, who spend most of their time trading off vocal duties while punishing the guitar and bass respectively. It would seem that these two fellas, the Obligatorisk Tortyr brain trust, somehow lost original gangster drummer Fredrik Helgessen in 2002 and only added Stefan Karlsson behind the kit as recently as 2006. I hope Helgessen is alright and didn’t get all his teeth knocked out with a blackjack or something…learning a bit of the band bio helps me to understand the unusual lag between releases.

Sadly, this is a case when a three piece fails to drop the hammer. I can hear every riff on this just a little too clearly. I know that fans of Joe Satriani and Dream Theatre think that’s a good thing, but for those of us who enjoy heavy metal, it’s really not that spectacular a feat. Anyone who wants their shitty bar chords “understood” by their audience is likely hoping to end up being played “unplugged” or something, which is about the stupidest thought I’ve had all day long. It could be that the guitar is just a tad too loud in this mix, but the larger problem here is that it is that this album is just too clean and sanitized for it to end up being any real sort of head-turner. ObligatoriskTortyr are in dire need of a second guitar player to add a fucking heavy, ragged weapon capable of taking chunks out of your speaker before spitting them in your face and then extinguishing a cigarette butt on your face using a jack boot. Where is the fucking power, guys? This is weak and fuzzy as fuck.

If these guys think that they are even close to wearing the big boy pants on behalf of Sweden, they have to be joking. The only pants they know about have a milky and brown tinged residue inside lacking down each pant leg. It’s a foul residue that doesn’t smell that great and makes everyone around call you a damned reeking asshole and a savage. I’m passing on this altogether and so should you. This is fucking amateur hour at its most forgettable.

On this release, the band gets things off to a hectic pace right from the get-go and never seem to let down from a dizzying array of frantic tempo chances and guitar driven low end bombardments of sound. You can hear a mixture of the well processed vocals bubbling and churning away, matched up with raspy guttural yells and various shrieks throughout this. Cichy’s drums are being worked frantically lots of double bass, plenty of blast beats. There are definite signs of musical progression here which, along with a strong production, should vault this offering to the top of your “now playing” heap.

Initially, I was trying to determine if I had a problem with this album’s propensity to chase after latter-day Nasum, when the Swedish band lost the connection with its straight forward grindcore roots and took on a more varied and in my mind, a sanitized approach to writing music. The sheer power of Human 2.0 and Helvete was evident, however the non-straight forward approach to blasting through without frills or bullshit was alienating and disappointing to me. I can’t recall the last time I listened to much of anything on the Nasum Relapse catalog post Inhale/Exhale, but as long as a house fire doesn’t destroy my pre-Relapse vinyls, I’m not sure that I am missing out on much. I hear some of these same almost-technical tendencies on Segregace K 0, but after repeated listens, I’m starting to warm up to it all on account of its crazy blown out slap yo momma in the face approach to writing blown out and weird death metal tinged tunes that are as heavy as a diaper pulled from a bog, overflowing with three loads of moose shit and possibly a drooling, used rubber.

While it’s sad to learn of the bands’ passing, it’s great that they choose to go off on a very high note. It’s apparent that they saw the end coming and decided to push themselves as hard as possible and it’s nice that they didn’t fuck up, stumble or turn into a bunch of goddamned pea-brained jerks in the process. You would be a fool not to seek this out and grab yourself a copy of this.

The Great Cessation hit me with a few surprises.  The boys, with a new bass player, have gone in a slightly different direction than their previous and finest effort, The Unreal Never Lived.  On said album, there are some of the most crushing, dare I say high octane, doom moments that absolutely cripple.  “Quantum Mystic”, featured on The Unreal Never Lived, is my favorite Yob track ever.  Imagine the kraken from Clash of the Titans destroying your home town via karate chops and foot stomps and you may glimpse the power and fury of this monster track.  I simply wanted more of that sound.  There are moments of that slightly up-tempo sound, but they are fleeting at best.  Yob went for a slower and spacier sound which makes for quite a cessation.  They are delivering the goods, but not the way I hoped.  At first I was a little let down.  In fact, I went from thinking this could be an essential album to a worthwhile one.

Over a span of about an hour, Yob take you on a psychedelic, stony, sludgy, doom-ridden trip that is the definition of modern doom.  These guys are setting the standard for all others to emulate.  I realize that doom is a style where instant gratification is not always a byproduct.  It should be slow, dynamic, and full of expanding and evolving riffs.  After my first few listens I let it sit for a while.  About a month later I decided to give it some successive listens while painting the vertigo inducing sections of my mother-in-law’s house.  It felt good, really good.

Mike Scheidt’s guitar tone is godly.  His Les Paul has the sound others would kill for.  Oh yeah, R.I.P. Les.  As for Mike’s vocals, there are less death-like growls and more clean singing.  He mentioned somewhere that doing live shows was becoming tough because of bouncing his voice between clean and growled so much.  In fact, in his failed project, Middian, he had the bass player doing the death vocals.  Mike still supplies growls that make the hairs on your sack stand on end, but they are sparse.  The copious amount of clean vocals on The Great Cessation is another aspect of this album that annoyed me at first, but I now appreciate it.  The final track, the title track, is where this approach really stands out.  I would call it a doom ballad of sorts.  It is very contemplative.  This track makes me think of dead friends and family, in a good way.

The drums and bass are massive and play a strictly supportive role.  In doom, that is simply what is called for.  The drums are  bombastic and heavy as fuck.  Incessantly crashing cymbals of the most massive type provide all the lightning of a tropical storm.  The new bass player fits in well to provide plenty of, you guessed it, thunder.  I do prefer the old Rickenbacker sound from their previous bassist as it cut through slightly better, but these are semantics.  Yob kicks ass, period.  If you are even remotely interested in doom you need to get with Yob ASAP.

Do I have a problem with the people who say, “Yo, Dying Fetus is the shit, kid.” It is more of a culture shock for me and unbelievably funny when someone says it with true passion. Can I judge this guy’s band on his statements? No. I would much rather someone say, “That music just isn’t for me – the gurgled vocals, the repeated riffs – something just annoys me.” Speaking of gurgled vocals and repeated riffs, Cerebral Incubation provide us with an album that is stuffed with all of this and more. I can make all the standard parallels here from a rawer form of Devourment (is that possible?) to Abominable Putridity to Cephalotripsy. It is non-stop pounding riffs, one after another, with much more of a “clean” production. The guitars are heavy but discernible and the bass just helps all the riffs sound that much heavier. The drums can be interesting at times and the blasting is competent and sounds good over the slower progression of riffs. Unlike most of the brutal bands, Cerebral Incubation rarely take a break with some incoherent shredding but plod through the whole album with riff after riff of heaviness. As a bonus, there is also gratuitous amount of unnecessary pinch harmonics which makes the album that much better, like a nude Salma Hayek entering the room with a fried fish platter from Arthur Treacher’s. Right when things are great, they can get even better.

To even break it down further for the listeners and your tastes… For fans of brutal death metal, this is one for the collection. For those casual listeners, this might be “too much” in the sense that it is non-stop mosh riffing with little in the amount of interludes. For those who hate this style, you will hate this too, maybe even more than the others. For you closet brutal death metal listeners, now is the time to come out and rejoice! Brutal death metal can be a guilty pleasure for you – it is not “intelligent, thinking man’s” death metal. You can just cruise around in your 1985 Plymouth Gran Fury and enjoy the simplicity and the heaviness. It is okay to like it. We can be friends, even if your hat is sideways.

Anomally are a gothic band that attempts to deliver all of these aspects in a coherent way. To be honest, there seems to be too much going on here to even consider it coherent. Now this might be something difficult to wrap your head around considering I enjoy such bands as Malignancy and Illogicist. But both of these bands dabble within a set range of death metal. On this album, there are female spoken words, corny male signing, growling, pianos, metal-core riffs, solos, and other things that I do not feel like listing. It is like there was an egg salad, ham, pretzel, gyro, and calzone Chex Mix. Of course, on paper, it sounds tremendous but when thrown together it does damage to the palate. This Chex Mix would mostly find a quick demise like the bacon, egg, and cheese Combos. Once In Hell… is truly one of the few albums that I have found extremely difficult to listen to. And this is not in a “This sucks rim” kind of way but a “I am hoping something good will come soon” type of way. But the more I listen, the less I seem to like it.

I could be harboring some resentment over the demise of one of my favorite death metal bands, Atrocity, who became a gothic metal band. However, I continue to keep an eye out and see if a return to form is on the horizon. On a recent album, Atlantis, Atrocity combines semi-feasible death metal riffs with gothic atmosphere. A song such as “Gods of Nations” (can be heard on Atrocity’s Myspace) is a decent listen and the clean vocals and keyboard are enjoyable. Damn, I will even admit I enjoy Fear Factory’s Demanufacture. I am just adding that in to prove that I am not biased towards clean vocals and keyboards. What does this mean for Anomally? I think it means that when people who do not normally listen to this music but enjoy heavier material will be looking for at least 60 to 75 percent of the album to be heavy and listenable without the “atmosphere.” To fans of this music, this might be blasphemous but you can take your black lipstick, leather pea coat, and The Smiths CD and shove it. Does that sound like a narrow minded comment? It should. But I am least giving some perspective on the album. I could just have said this blows, said it was trash, and that it has no business on this website.

The last song of the album, “No Hope”, is a perfect example of what I mean. The guitar riffs are slightly heavy and it is tolerable. But that is it. This is a bland and slightly annoying album and the only reason I did not give it the lowest rating is because the production is good and the instruments are played with skill. Can Anomally offer more? The problem is I do not think anyone cares if they do.

Gorod are the masters of excellent songwriting.  You will get grooves with cement shoes, technicality that is effortless and never wanky, and most importantly, a distinctive sound that separates them from all others.  The chief executive songwriter is guitarist Mathieu Pascal.  He has been the mastermind behind the sound of Gorod since day one.  It’s apparent that he has his hand in the collective cookie jar of all the instruments.  Their former drummer Sandrine had a very distinctive sound.  She was simply amazing and her unique approach to the kit will be missed.  Current drummer Samuel Santiago had some small shoes to cram his feet into and does it quite well.  His drumming is straighter and a little cleaner (production?), but there’s still a big part of me that wishes Sandrine had stayed.  Boo fucking hoo.

The sound Gorod delivers is all over the map without sounding disjointed.  Progressive, technical, and crushing, Gorod are the leaders of the new school as far as I’m concerned.  There is nothing cliche here.  The first track, “Disavow Your God”, is a perfect example of how they do things differently.  After a minute and a half of technical death metal at its finest they do a lot of sonic exploration minus the vocals.  This goes on for two minutes with guitar melodies intertwining like a Celtic knots, synth sounds that generally don’t irritate, bass noodling, and changes galore.  I love that they dropped the vocals.  It’s not a matter of not liking the vocals, but rather, another cool bit of songwriting.  Later, when you think they have reached a part in a song that is too soft for too long,  you are immediately blasted in the face with some of metal’s most devastating moments.  “Splinters Of Life” is a great example of this.  This song begins as one of their most tame, breaks down to a psychedelic groove after a while, lingers their for about a minute, then vocalist Guillaume Martinot relinquishes one of the best growls I’ve ever heard.  Dynamics, dynamics, etc.

This CD also sports a bonus video, Live @ BT59, which allegedly features four songs: “Chronicles From The Stone Age”, “Eternal Messiah”, “A Common Hope”, and “Almighty’s Murder”.  The first two are from Leading Vision, the latter are from Process Of A New Decline.  Sadly, I couldn’t get it to play properly on my new Mac.  I get a few images that fade in and out of cover art and the show flyer but then nothing.  Maybe I’m just too dumb to figure it out but I have tried several times.  I am simply perplexed.

For all of Gorod’s progginess and technicality, they still pummel with the best of them when they choose to do so.  I would actually like to have a couple more songs like “Gilded Cage”.  This little number goes for the throat and then choke slams you.  “The Path” is a track that has synthy operatic vocals that are OK.  There’s nothing too gay about the female upper register here , but nothing as cool as Augury.  Overall, I would say that you would be a fool not to got to Willowtip and get all three of their albums if you don’t already own them.  Is this their best album yet?  Leading Vision is still my favorite today, but time will tell.

You can’t. Why? Because the Roman Empire fucking ruled, that’s why. Blood, death, sex, gore, rape, treachery, and everything that makes a great human drama oozed from the gaping orifices of the Roman Empire’s massive bukkake monster body.

Ex Deo is a concept band that has attempted to capture this awesomeness with its debut full length Romulus. If Caligula heard this and was a metal fan, he would have killed himself in embarrassment.

Ex Deo is the solo project of Kataklysm leader Maurizio Iacono. Wanting to do something different than Kataklysm, he decided to start this side project and enlisted the help of- who else?-… the rest of Kataklysm. So much for a side project.

Of course, saying that the band is made up entirely of Kataklysm- which it is- would suggest that Ex Deo is just Kataklysm under  different name. Surprisingly, it’s not. The only thing Ex Deo has in common with Kataklysm is a love of Swedish melo-death riffing. So yes, if you were expecting a drastic departure in the riff department you were sorely misinformed. (There is a notable exception on “The Final War (Battle of Actium)” and “Legio XIII”; Ex Deo goes for a decidedly Rotting Christ influence with its riffing here.)

Ex Deo actually manages to distinguish itself quite a bit from its alter ego, for completely all the wrong reasons. I’m just going to be blunt: Romulus is the most boring thing I’ve heard this year. DEAD BORING. The new Winds of Plague cd has more life and creativity than this. Watching Gosford’s Park is more entertaining this this. Attempting to play the 2006 Sonic the Hedgehog videogame with a broken controller is more entertaining than this. Furiously masturbating with sand paper soaked in lemon juices to pictures of Wykked Wytch’s vocalist rimming Marissa from Cretin is more entertaining this. Pretty much anything is better than this.

It’s not bad, technically. It’s just inanely fucking vapid.

For one you have the song speed: completely mid-paced. Now, this in itself isn’t bad if it wasn’t for the fact that Iacono chose the most boring riffs of all time to power this baby. Whereas Kataklysm could at least fool you for a few seconds that it had interesting riffs thanks to the speed of its songs, Ex Deo mundanely slaps its proverbial cock in your face, back and forth, with incredibly useless, repetitive riffing that will leave you so bored that you’ll start to purposely grate your own sphincter in order to hear your own screams because it’s some sort of interesting diversion to the monotony.

Then there’s the drumming. Say what you will about Kataklysm’s simplistic hyper-blast approach, at least the drumming offers something of note. But this isn’t Kataklysm; this is Ex Deo. There is absolutely no hyper-blasting here. Like above, that in itself is not a bad thing. But Ex Deo has nothing interesting to offer. The percussion is lifeless, drab, and totally phoned in. There are no interesting fills, blasts, or rhythms. Nothing. The drum sequences here are purely elementary and will leave 90% of death metal fans screaming for something. I’m not saying that the drumming has to be on par with Crowpath or Lykathea Aflame, but you need to produce something to wag the dog’s tail or the dog will get bored and attempt to eat its own shit or drink out of the toilet because those activities are just that much more interesting.

And then there are the keyboards. Damn, these epic synths blow ASS. Winds of Plague actually sound better. I really can’t come up with anything witty. It’s just THAT FUCKING BORING.

Then there are the guest appearances. You got Karl Sanders, who contributes nothing of interest despite the fact that even Nile is more diverse than this. And you even have some guest work from fellow Roman fetishist Nergal of Behemoth who contributes… beats me. I can’t really tell. It must have sucked because this album is just that God damn lifeless and droning. This is especially disappointing as Nergal and Behemoth tend to do some interesting stuff with Roman concepts, and you’d hope it would have rubbed off on Iacono and Co.

Fuck it: just go buy Behemoth’s The Apostasy. Seriously. Just do it. It’s not great, but it’s leagues more involving than Romulus. Fuck this mediocre crap.

Show Review: Summer Slaughter Tour 2009

Much to my delight, my brother bought me a ticket to this year’s Summer Slaughter tour. I was able to assemble “the old show crew” and have a reunion of sorts, considering the last show we had attended was a Devourment, Misery Index, Digested Flesh & Dehumanized show in 2006. Yes, the old man left the home and actually went to a show. I figured that there would be some of my peers at a show headlined by Suffocation and I would not feel awkward amongst the hoards of youth there to see their favorite keyboard bands. Let me preface my diatribe with a list of the bands that were supposed to be playing at this show:

Suffocation
Necrophagist
Dying Fetus
Origin
Ensiferum
Darkest Hour
Winds of Plague
Born of Osiris
Beneath the Massacre
After the Burial
Decrepit Birth
Blackguard

Instead, I saw:

Necrophagist
Ensiferum
Darkest Hour
Winds of Plague
Born of Osiris

Now, this was a show that was supposed to happen on two nights but the bill was not supposed to be split. Most of the bands I saw had played the night before, as I had attended on the second night. I figured that there would be some deletions and substitutions for some of the “lesser bands” (i.e. I had read Necrotic Disgorgement played the show in Ohio and that Ensiferum was only playing the second half of the tour as a substitution for another band). But it seemed ridiculous to me that the two shows were so drastically different and the show I attended was not worth the $30 ticket price.

Obviously, I was at the show to check out the death metal side of things and I had never had the opportunity to check out Necrophagist or Origin live before. However, my hopes were dashed when band after band of deathcore-keyboard bands played and rumors circulated about the bands that were not playing. I tried not to listen and hoped that watching Derek Boyer from Suffocation occasionally come on the stage, chug Jack Daniels, and headbang would lead to Suffocation eventually playing, and in a moment of complete insanity, even thinking that they would play the entire Breeding the Spawn album from start to finish.

Necrophagist, thankfully, saved the night with an unbelievably brutal set of music which I am sure showed some of the death core young’ins what technical death metal actually is. The drumming was phenomenal and I was happy to hear the oft-requested song “Intestinal Incubation” and the groovy monster known as “Seven”.

I could not really get into any of the other bands. Some of them had their bright spots. For some of the bands, the music was okay with some nice “start-stop-start” parts that reminded me of Ion Dissonance. For some bands the positive was that the keyboard was completely indecipherable. My friends and I joked that the keyboard was for the close friend of the band who really wanted to be in the band and in a fit said, “I’ll give everyone a reach-around if you let me play keyboard.” For one band, the positive was the song title “One More Magic Potion” which enabled me to laugh through the entire set. The eye-black didn’t help and one might have thought they were going to field fly balls the next morning. More merriment was had when examining a drummer who seemed to look like Woody Allen.

So, what’s my beef? No Suffocation, Dying Fetus, or Origin. I was bitter that Suffocation could not play both nights considering that it was the last night of the tour and it was in their home city. I admit that the last Dying Fetus album I enjoyed was the Grotesque Impalement e.p. but I know they would have played some solid gold oldies. And I heard it is something to see Origin’s live show. I guess I missed that rush of adrenaline one gets when a great band that you know well goes on. Necrophagist provided that but only for their set of music.

The ticket price was also beat. For $30, the night before truly got the deal and all of us at the second show felt ripped-off and like we were fed left-overs. Although Necrophagist is a great band, I have to question them as a legitimate headlining act considering they have only one full album and a collection of then-new and demo tracks (Onset of Putrefaction). However, I think that they wanted to play the show and were the best band that was left and for that I give them credit. We can also factor in that they have been around for a quite a while. Either way, I believe the bitterness emanates from the fact that it was a weak show, a far cry from the thousands of posters and MySpace JPEGs that announced this “over the top” tour. It can really be looked at as a case of false advertisement and worthy of a complaint to the Office of Consumer Affairs. If I had the time, it might be worth it. I did not see a disclaimer about the possibility of bands not playing and the scope of “alternates and substitutions” had been pushed way too far. It would equivalent to heading to a steak house, ordering a 24 ounce porterhouse, and getting creamed spinach and a potato. All of the online flyers and the tour’s MySpace page has all the bands for all the dates. But what should I have expected with companies like Affliction and Decibel Magazine sponsoring the tour? I guess not much more and it will be a while before this old guy ventures out again.

Let’s get to the music for Thunder’s sake! Vulcano “kick off” this split with some truly rocking material. It reminds me of that dickhead with that huge, disgusting mole on his face. I think their hit song is “Ass of Spades”. This band’s music disturbs me so much that I cannot even mention their name and their following boggles me more than people who enjoy a good golden shower. Vulcano is similar to this shitty band but their two tracks on the split also have some early 80s, Bay-area thrash elements which make it semi-tolerable. You know what this music is. It has that 80s demo tape quality and reminds me of old Metallica but I am sure that there is a cult following.

There are two things that got my goat (I really never understood what that meant) and that needed to be clarified. Firstly, what is a vulcano? With a little research, I found out that there is a Vulcano Island near Sicily, an island where ancient Greeks believed Hephaestus (later renamed Vulcan by the Romans – see the connection?) used fire to forge weapons of metal to prepare for war. In addition, Vulcano Island is still active. Metal, liquid hot magma, fire, noxious gases, mythology – do you know of a band name that better encapsulates heavy metal? All this knowledge I pass on to you. I have been to the Temple of Knowledge that Kataklysm speaks of. If you get there, you can make a History Channel commercial with Suffocation.

Secondly, at the end of the song “Suffered Souls” the vocalist (or vulcanoist) keeps saying, “Bang your knee, blow your head,” (I can be wrong) which confuses me. I immediately thought of the Nirvana song “Breed” in which Cobain says, “We can plant a house, we can build a tree.” Since many think Cobain is a delicate genius, we will play along and work with his lyrical wizardry, where we the listeners have to switch some words around to make it work (i.e. plant a tree – build a house) and thereby confuse literary wit with a heroin-induced marble notebook scribblings. In the Vulcano song, we would get “Bang your head, blow your knee.” It could be a theme song for the National Hockey League. I could use some help on lyrical clarification.

Nifelheim also enjoy kicking it old school with some straightforward black/thrash. This style of music has never been my cup of tea but their tracks on this split are far more enjoyable that Vulcano’s. The raspy shouting, fuzzy bass, e-tuned guitar madness…it is all there and I am sure that this is what Nifelheim’s following has come to expect. I give both these bands credit for kicking around for many years (Nifelheim – 16 years and Vulcano 26 years!) and playing a style that they enjoy. Talk about keepin’ it real…tell those sideways-hat kids at the show that say “Oh my God, Dying Fetus is the shit, yo” (actual quote) that this is the definition of keeping things real.

On a side note, the compact disc version has an extra track by Nifelheim (“Insulter of Jesus Christ” – by Damnation ) which does not appear on the seven inch. But what does appear on the seven inch is your mom’s mouth! Word to ya mutha, son!

I would like to give a big shout out to the grinding metalhead for suggesting that I review this album.  In Grinding’s love for all things bizarre and leprous, he certainly made it worth my while when he steered me to these crushing women who completely own their respective roles in the grind game.  Not since Melt Banana’s Bambi’s Dilema have I so embraced Japanese women.  Melt Banana feature a bass player and vocalist who are also females.  It feels kind of weak and stupid to have to say, “Hey, chicks can really kick ass,” but that’s how it is.  Beyond that, women in extreme music are still an oddity.  Kind of like a blue hot dog.

We’ve got 17 tracks of highly competent grind to contend with here.  The main approach is the standard annaihilation by way of one to two minutes.  The vocals are screamed with pure evil.  There is no Yoko Ono, tortured terrier shit, and when Makiko decides to drop it down a few octaves it is reminicent of older Lord Worm.  Her use of spacing and delivery is highly memorable.  Imagine putting the tip of a big sharpie to your brain and watching the ink spread.  It’s not going away any time soon.

I went to youtube and watched some videos by these ladies after I listened to the album a few times to see three things:  how hot they are, what do they bring in a live setting, and how hot they are.  Things one and three can only be answered as decent enough.  Thing two, holy fucking mother of pearl!  As a mediocre bass player of ten years or so I was floored by the playing of Kanako.  She is flying up and down the fretboard at warp speed, song after song, and never looks at her left hand.  This is way harder to do than you can even imagine.  I would have to guess that she plays a large role in the song writing.  The drumming is very solid and convincing but nothing overly astounding.  The guitarist and bass are usually doubling eachother so I have to give props to their guitarist for keeping up.

Aside from the standard grinding route, Flagitious Idiosyncrasy In The Dilapidation throw in a healthy amount of “other flavors” to indulge in.  Track 4, “Studeny Klih” has a heavy stoner rock feel much like High On Fire’s latest (before the eruption that is).  Number 7, “In The Gray Room”, has a bit of a punk sound to it before the onslaught ensues.  Track 9, “Unvoiced”, has a minute and a half of killer doom before bouncing in and out of grind.  I actually thought my itunes had gone on to the new Yob.  If that’s not cinvincing, I’m not sure what is.

I recently came across a split they did with Insect Warfare.  If you know me, you know I really dig Insect Warfare.  On said split, F.I.D. is on an even playing field.  I can’t wait for more.  They have really put together a catchy and dynamic album not unlike labelmates Pigsty.  There are no filler tracks to be found.  This album is as good as any other grind I’ve heard lately.  I love these chicks!  Keep the goods coming Bizarre Leprous Productions.

I say this because during the course of listening to Depression Tank I started thinking about a variety of other things.   Most notably, I was able to compile a full grocery list in my head while the album played.   While I wanted to focus my attention on the album I instead found myself debating whether I wanted crunchy or creamy peanut butter along with deciding if I needed quilted or plain 2-ply toilet paper.   Believe me when I say that these two decisions are not quite as unrelated as they may appear.   In other words, Depression Tank became background music very quickly.

In general, this is not an easy thing to accomplish.   Most of the time, whatever music I am listening to will be either good enough to keep my interest or so fucking God-awful that I have to pay attention long enough to hit the ‘stop’ button.   Dead Head is almost so perfectly bland that it was almost like driving while having Mrs. Piledriver in the car with me as she droned on about her day and how I ‘just don’t understand’ how difficult everything is in her life – I was able to tune everything out peacefully.   To put this in visual perspective, it’s not unlike the scene from The Simpson’s Movie when there is a monkey clapping hand cymbals together in Homer’s mind while Marge is yelling at him about his silo of pig shit.

Anyway, upon further listening I found Depression Tank to sound like the musical equivalent of an adolescent teenager struggling through puberty.   The band tries to sound pissed off and intimidating but comes across sounding clumsy and awkward.   The tempo changes sound forced and don’t blend well at all, as the first two songs “Dissolved In Purity” and “Green Angel” make torturously clear.   The guitar work of Ronnie Van Der Weij and Robbie Woning are basic pentatonic scale runs over some mid-paced and fast riffs, and the vocals of Ralph de Boer sound like he may have once spent time in a Kreator tribute band.

Lyrically, the band is incredibly juvenile, with lines like ‘Seven years of darkness/Seven years of pain/Seven year of emptiness’ from the song “Firegate” just doing absolutely nothing for me.   I am also far past the point in my life where I need hear the phrase “bring it down” during the breakdown of “Cryptocynic,” as well as lyrics that tell me there’s both ‘nowhere to run’ and ‘nowhere to hide.’   Really??  Jesus Fucking Christ – Depression Tank, indeed.

Amazingly, Dead Head manage to pull of sounding so irrelevant despite the fact they apparently have been around in some form or another since 1989.   This is the first time I’ve ever heard of them, and while I’m sure the band won’t be losing sleep over that fact I can honestly say I haven’t been missing very much.

To be fair, I’ve always found thrash to be analogous to marijuana.   It’s really just a gateway to more extreme experimentation of musical styles.   Think about it.  You probably haven’t known someone who was into bands like Cannibal Corpse or Pig Destroyer who hadn’t already been listening to Kreator and Slayer.   It just doesn’t flow that way.   Unfortunately for Dead Head the more time I spend thinking about this the worse my opinion of them becomes.   There is absolutely nothing new here so unless mediocre thrash is your thing, stay very far away from this.

Inspired by the likes of Autopsy, Bolt Thrower, Massacre, Celtic Frost and Death this quintet unleash two new tracks, a cover of Motley Crue’s “Destroyer” and three live tracks recorded at the 2008 Party.San Open Air Festival, spanning twenty-eight and a half minutes of infectious and crushing death metal.

Hail Of Bullets is, quite literally, the closest you can come to new Bolt Thrower without the involvement of Jo Bench, Barry Thompson, Gavin Ward, Andy Whale or Martin Kearns.  The guitars and bass are thick, rumbling and crushing, the beats are hard and heavy and Martin van Drunen is… Martin van fuckin’ Drunen!

While not an exact clone of Bolt Thrower, they do employ a similar chugging sound and a few signature Bolt Thrower riffs thrown in for good measure.  The lyrical subject matter is also very similar, with songs about soldiers, weapons and war.

The two new original tracks are infectious, the opener, “Warsaw Rising” is an up-tempo chug-a-thon that’ll get your head banging and fist pumping in no time.  This is followed up with the purely Bolt Thrower-flavored “Liberators”, a track that wouldn’t sound out of place on any Bolt Thrower release.  The third track is the cover of Motley Crue’s “Destroyer”, and while it may seem like a ridiculous song to cover, don’t worry death metal maniacs, this sounds nothing like the original.  If anything is sounds like an Asphyx cover; slow, heavy as fuck and crushing!

The three live tracks… holy fuck!  I’m not a big fan of live recordings, but hearing this trio makes me wish they’d head over here so I could rush to the front of the stage and have my ear drums implode as I bang my head manically in front of the speakers.  Martin van Drunen’s vocals are fucking insane on these three tracks, he reaches John Tardy-levels of insane depth and power.

With no new Bolt Thrower releases on the horizon, Hail Of Bullets are the next best thing and their Warsaw Rising EP is definitely worth your hard earned cash if you’re eager for some new Bolt Thrower-flavored down tuned and crushing death metal.  Despite being a huge Martin van Drunen fan I wasn’t aware of this project until Metal Blade Records sent a copy of this release my way, after listening to it I’ve since purchased their full length debut, …Of Frost And War, and can’t wait to give it a spin, I just need to peel myself away from Warsaw Rising first.  Be sure to rush out and get this on Tuesday, it’s limited to 2,000 copies and won’t be around for long, or you can always get the digital download for less than $6!  Get it!  It’s worth every penny and then some!

Edit: Just spoke to a Metal Blade Records rep who informed me that this album will only be available by digital distribution (via iTunes & Amazon) in North America.  If you want to buy the digipack version of the album, or the 10″ EP, you’ll have to order it through the Metal Blade Records Germany website.  The 10″ EP version is limited to 500 hand numbered copies.