Techno Cat

To President Obama; If That Secretary of Commerce Thing Is Still Open, I'm Available

noreply@blogger.com (Web Master LaVern) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 21:31:00 +0000

Dear Mr. President,

If you haven't filled that position yet I would be happy to apply. I have included a brief resume below and I feel that I have as much experience and as many qualifications as the next cat.

Experience: I have been involved with commerce, as a consumer, all of my adult life.

Qualifications: Let's see... commerce: Buy low and sell high, right?

Political Affiliation: Demo-Cat. Duh !

Summary: I urge you to think outside the (litter) box on this one and appoint me. I have almost no past Income Tax issues to speak of. Well, there was that one thing on my 2005 return but that has been adjudicated and I've set up a payment plan with the IRS where they take all of my current income and mail me a monthly stipend. And, last time I talked to my lawyer, he assured me that he feels that the jail time was excessive and plans to appeal.

Moving on, I would breeze through Senate Confirmation Hearings because if any of those hypocrites dared to challenge my appointment, well let's just say I know where the bodies are buried. I'd scratch their "ayes" out!

Being a cat, if there is adequate litter in my box, I know how to cover up "toxic assets".

I am currently helping my human with his web stuff as he is a complete moron, but I would, naturally, be willing to downgrade my position to that of a consultant.

Questions: Does the position come with a house?
(I am currently living in my human's car and he would be more than happy for me to relocate).

Sincerely,

LaVern D. Cat

Complicated Problems - Simple Solutions

noreply@blogger.com (Web Master LaVern) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 21:16:00 +0000

H.L. Meowken, famous feline journalist, author of this often repeated quote:

"For every complicated problem there is a simple solution. . .

. . . and it is almost always wrong."

Obviously the venerable Mr. Meowkin never found himself trapped in the labrynthine convolutions of the baseboard cupboards of a Motor Home because his humans shut the door on him while he was on a fact-finding expedition.

Problem: Being trapped in cupboards which have no handles or latches on the inside, which would be difficult to use anyway when one lacks opposable thumbs.

Solution: Elegantly simple. . . scream, howl, scratch, hiss, butt head on doors, and destroy anything non-metallic found inside cupboards.

Upper cupboards are even simpler: it's hard to describe how quickly the humans come to liberate you when they hear glassware being rattled.

footnote: Do NOT, under any circumstances, upon being freed, allow your humans to perceive that you are grateful for being liberated. Do everything that you have in your "cat"alog, ie: aloof glances, disparaging growls, scratch them if the opportunity presents itself. This must be done in order to impress upon them the sheer stupidity of their having shut you in the cupboards when they should have known you were exploring.

More Random Observations

noreply@blogger.com (Motor Homeless) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 18:01:00 +0000

A cat can go in and out of a Motor Home whenever a human does. But there is a point at which a cat has to decide if the human has stopped opening the door for the night and the wise cat will act accordingly.

Random Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Web Master LaVern) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 01:23:00 +0000

Sure, black cats are easier to spot in the snow, but they are equally easy to be stepped on when they lay on an asphalt sidewalk at night.

Generally, in the Winter, the temperature is directly proportional to the amount of propane left in your tank.