Managing employee conflict is not at the top of my list of fun things to do. And I am pretty sure it isn’t on yours either.

A number of years ago I was unwillingly caught in an employee conflict of my own.

Her name was Ingrid (not her real name of course). She was an older, louder and very big woman who was a bit intimidating. As a new employee to the department, I found Ingrid was a “wealth of knowledge” on the history, politics, processes and policies of the department mingled with a good dose of gossip.

Being new, and maybe somewhat wise, I tried to steer away from making quick assumptions and unfair judgments about people and the department in general. After awhile I began to get the sense that Ingrid didn’t care for me.

About six months into the job she stopped talking to me all together. Something was obviously wrong. I went to my manager for counsel. His advice was to simply talk to her face to face and that nothing would get resolved until we did.

While his counsel was good, I was a bit terrified; I hated conflict. However, I decided I would talk to her.

One afternoon as Ingrid passed my cubicle I asked her if we could meet in one of the conference rooms. She asked, “Why?” I told her I had noticed she wasn’t speaking to me anymore, and I would like to talk about it. Her response coupled with almost a sprint to the conference room was, “You bet!” I thought, “Oh boy, what have I done?”

When we got into the conference room she quickly outlined everything that bothered her about me, and I in turn did the same in regards to her. We had what I thought was a healthy discussion.

When we were done I said, “I feel a lot better Ingrid, thank you for taking the time to meet with me.” Her response to that was, “I don’t feel any better, in fact I am going to continue to be $#%&@# mad for the next few months!”

Wow! That wasn’t the response I expected. However, within days, she completely turned around. She was kind, considerate and it seemed like I was her favorite co-worker. I guess getting it off of her chest worked.

I continued to be her favorite until I was promoted as her supervisor several months later! Interesting how things work out. She left the company.

Employee conflict, like any relationship, requires both parties to work things out together. How do you manage it as a leader? Here are three tips that I have found helpful.

1. Don’t jump in! I have found that most employee conflict can be resolved between the two involved. It is critical that as a leader you give them the opportunity to do so as my boss did in the above story.

Besides, if you jump in and try to resolve every employee conflict you will find more and more of your staff coming to you with every conflict. This means you will spend more time peace making than doing the important things leaders do.

2. Jump in! If employees can’t work it out, then it will be critical that you jump in. If you chose to ignore it, there is a good possibility that it will become a poison to your team and organization as staff begin to choose sides!

Therefore if you need to, jump in. Help them to work it out and understand where the other is coming from. You will find in most cases that an agreement can be worked out if both employees truly try to understand each other.

3. Don’t jump to conclusions. Ensure you get all of the facts and never take sides. If you are eventually going to help resolve the employee conflict you need to be as objective as possible.

Question: How have you dealt with employee conflict? Please share by commenting below.

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Powerful Leadership Story to Share!

Are you throwing away individual potential? As leaders it is very common and easy for us to jump to conclusions. But we must be careful of being judgmental.  Judge too quickly and we might miss out on a treasure!

I love the following leadership story that highlights the need to see individual potential, and to not dismiss something because it doesn’t appear as beautiful on the outside.

One morning a man was out exploring caves by a seashore. In one of the caves he found an old and dirty canvas bag with a number of hardened clay balls. It appeared that someone had taken the time to roll up a bunch of clay balls and then left them in the sun to bake and dry.

The clay balls didn’t look like much, but the man was fascinated by them. He took the bag out of the cave. As he walked along the beach he would see how far he could throw each of the clay balls into the sea. He didn’t really give it much thought until he dropped one.

The ball had been accidentally dropped on a rock and cracked. Inside he found a beautiful precious stone. Breaking open the remaining clay balls he found each one contained a similar precious stone.

Fortunately for this man he had found hundreds of dollars in the remaining 20 that were left. Unfortunately, as he later realized, he had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their treasure into the sea; lost forever. He could have taken home thousands of dollars and maybe even more, not just hundreds.

Do we see the individual potential in others? This leadership story demonstrates the need to look beyond the clay. To discount the individual potential of those you lead could result in throwing away more than money.

Every leader ought to lead because they care about others. Great leaders get their greatest satisfaction from seeing people succeed; seeing others doing better than they believed they could, or doing things that they didn’t realize they could do.

Every person has buried treasure waiting to be discovered. You also have buried treasure in you. There isn’t one of us that doesn’t have value. In order to find that treasure and unlock the individual potential, leaders have to deeply care about those they lead, exercise patience and have the courage to give difficult and timely feedback.

Question: What else can you draw from this leadership story on individual potential? How many clay balls do you think most of us throw out to sea?

So what do you do when an employee comes to you with a bad idea? Employee ideas can come in many shapes and sizes and not all are good of course.

As a leader you are trying to build trust, foster creativity and strengthen relationships with those you lead, but what do you do when employee ideas are really bad? Do you just outright say, “That is Crazy!” Or do you stall by saying, “Hmm… maybe, let’s bring it to the team,” and then have the team tell them it is crazy?

Both approaches can unfortunately have negative consequences. The former will destroy trust in you as a leader and make it more unlikely that employee will come to you with an idea in the future. The latter could potentially embarrass the employee and result in a lack of trust with the team and passive participation in brainstorming sessions.

Your goal is to generate lots of employee ideas, not squash them. So how do you foster great employee ideas?

1.Be Respectful. If the idea is not good, be careful in how you respond. The last thing you want to be is condescending, or completely dismissive.

2. Appreciate. Suggesting an idea can be risky for some. Let the employee know that you appreciate their ideas and taking the time to share them with you.

3. Give a Reason. Help the employee to understand why it isn’t a good idea.

4. Encourage. This is probably the most important tip of the four. One bad employee idea doesn’t mean that employee can’t come up with other ideas. It is important that they are encouraged to keep bringing ideas to you and the team.

The video below is a humorous skit based on a real bad business idea. Watch how this loan officer handles this crazy idea. It is very funny, and as always let me know what you think in the comments below : ) Let’s discuss.

I have a feeling you will watch this video more than once as I have

Want more funny leadership videos? Click Here.

Employee reward and recognition programs are important…

Reward and recognition programs are critical to every team and organization. And great leaders naturally get this. However, just as important, if not more important is that leaders simply acknowledge people.

A number of years ago I was asked to serve at the head of a church congregation of about 800 people. Clergy are not paid in my religion, so it was all volunteer (about 25 or more hours a week in addition to my full-time job). I willingly accepted the assignment/calling because it was the right thing to do.

This leadership assignment/calling would require that I minister to this congregation; listen intently and counsel them on their struggles, grieve with them through tragedy and teach whenever I could.

After my first Sunday as the new leader of this congregation I came home exhausted, but fulfilled. I felt I had done a pretty good job given it was my first day. I asked my wife, Terri, how she thought I had done. Of course she had lots of positive things to say, but she did point out one thing I could do differently as well.

She said, “Mike, you may not have even realized you did this, but I was watching you in the hall after church and noticed you didn’t act any differently.” I said, “That’s good, because I shouldn’t really act any differently, I am the same person I was before I was called to this position.”

She said, “True, but in your new leadership position people expect you to acknowledge them. You went down the hall and barely made eye contact with anyone. I saw a number of people wanting you to acknowledge them, but you must have had so much on your mind.”

I said, “I did have a lot on my mind, and I was heading to a meeting I was already running late for.” Her response was gentle and simple, “Honey, it is important to acknowledge people in your new leadership position. They want you to look at them in their eyes and acknowledge them by their name.”

She recounted how it made her feel when church leaders had acknowledged and remembered her name. She was right, and I made it a point from that day forward to smile more and acknowledge people by their name regardless of how much I had on my mind or how busy I was.

How important is it for leaders to acknowledge people? Very important! In my career, the leaders that took the time to reach out and acknowledge me at a gathering or meeting, though they may have been my bosses boss, have had an important and positive impact on me.

People want to be acknowledged and remembered by their name. I heard the story told once of a CEO of a medium sized company who would make it a point whenever he visited an office to go around and shake the hands of every employee. He would also make it a point to remember their names and something about their family, hobbies etc… Then when he returned he would acknowledge them by their name and inquire about their families, or some other interest.

I bet you can predict the kind of influence, morale and trust this leader built!

While employee reward and recognition programs are important, taking the time to acknowledge people is just as important – maybe even more.

Question: Do you take the time to acknowledge people as a leader? Have you had a leader who took time to acknowledge you? How did it make you feel? Please take the time and comment below. Thanks!

If you enjoyed this post and would like to share it with your team, colleagues or anyone else; please “Share” it, “Tweet” it, “LinkedIn” it, “Email” it, “Google Plus” it, or “Like” it, by using one of the buttons below. Thanks friends!

Here is a related post that you might like and want to share!

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Take Time to Take a Break Leader!

The other day I was at the gas station, and I noticed on the pump a sticker that read, “Shut off Engine while filling!” My mind wandered in various directions but settled on this serving as a reminder for all of us as our summer vacations creep upon us.

When I was traveling five days a week, working long hours, and focused on getting results, I often times feared family vacations. Yes, I know you are supposed to look forward to time with your family and treasure every moment. Reality is that there never is really a good time for vacation.

Your boss and company “talk” about how you should get away to recharge and take a break. However, they give you a new smart phone, mini laptop,  a map of Wi-Fi coffee houses on your planned trip and a list of emergency phone numbers to use “if you just so happen to need them.”

Thus, you sneak out of bed at 5:30am and check your email and do your business until 7am when the family wakes up for a full day of fun! However, there are those two meetings that you were excused from, but you know you should attend to make sure you don’t get more work. So, you make up an excuse to have the rental car checked and drive to a local park to dial in.

I challenge you this year to “Shut off your Engine” while filling! Take a break! Leave the electronics at home, embrace your family vacation, sleep in, have a cup of coffee with your spouse without talking about work, and go fishing with your son who will grow up way too fast. 

Think about it, the sticker on the pump is for your safety. But maybe there is a different meaning as well in terms of your relationships and health?

Here are a few tips I have learned over the years that helped to take a break and shut off my engine.

1) Take a long walk with your spouse and talk about your future. Find a spot that reminds you of your childhood and share some old memories.

2) Sleep in until 10am one morning. If you wake up just lay there. Do not turn on the TV or radio,  just stay calm, enjoy it and relax.

3) Plan something special with all of your family like a good music show or movie.  Laugh and laugh…did say Laugh!

4) Pack a lunch and have a picnic at the park. Enjoy nature by relaxing and listening to the birds. I always enjoy finding the duck pond and feeding them.

Give it a shot this year. I dare you. Come on…try it! I’ll bet when you get back to work you’ll be three times more productive and ready to tackle the issues head on. And besides…you’ll know as you hit the road to work that you have a family back home who really loves and appreciates you!  Is that not really why you are working any way? Shut off the Engine while Filling! Take a break!

Question: What ways have you found to take a break? Has it helped you?