Tales From The Trenches of Parenting

IF you are still reading this blog.....

2012-08-22T21:05:00.000-05:00

I am officially over at Vintage Resurrections now. I recreate and repurpose vintage and antique furniture and home accessories now.

If you are interested in French, Industrial Vintage, or Steampunk furniture/accessory designs, check me out and drop me a message on my website.

You can also find me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/VintageResurrections.

Hope to see all of you there!

I'm Taking a Hiatus

2011-02-14T15:12:00.002-06:00

Just to let you know, you won't be hearing from me in awhile. I've grown kinda of tired of the whole "blog-O-sphere" (or whatever the hell stupid name they've given it), and the ever-demanding popularity contests it creates. Frankly, I'm just tired of writing about my life and my family and my blah-blah-blah's and yada-yada-yada's.

It's becoming SO passe'!

So I'm shutting down for now and "burning down the house", so-to-speak. Stupid cliche' I know, but it's the only stupid cliche' I could think of at the moment as my 5 year old is screaming at me to come join her for one of her Barbie movies that she's seen 25 times already!

So I'm shutting it all down and regrouping since I am coming ever-so-closer to my big 5..0 birthday in a few years. Blogging is just NOT cutting it for me. I am so stinking tired of being stuck in front of this computer pleasing this advertiser or that commenter in order to be a part of the popular blogging treadmill.

"Baby...... I'm soooo tiiiiirrred!"

The blog become less of doing it on my terms and more on someone else's.

It's also getting pretty insane sitting around the house and staring at the walls of the rooms and watching my life go by while I sit and figure out how to entertain my family and my readers at the same time. Somewhere, I just lost me. I have this deep empty hole inside of me and it's left me feeling extremely discontented on a daily basis. It's borderline insanity is what it is!

Now I'm gonna spend some time and try to find me again.

So Twitter is gone..... Facebook page is gone..... and soon this may be too. I'll decide if I want to delete that all later.

I've gone to reinvent myself as I enter into the later parts of my life.

Thank you for being on this journey with me for the past few years. Thanks for listening to the tears and laughing with me at the silliness that goes on in this house.

As I close the door on this chapter of my life..... I wish you all love and happiness in yours.

Goodbye....... CWK

Description of a Mom's Job - A Reality Check!

2011-01-21T09:40:00.006-06:00

I was doing some early Spring cleaning of my old email files from my earthlink account as I'm in the process of closing it down because, really, who actually PAYS for email addresses anymore?

"Stupid me..... that's who!"

As I was happily deleting crap I haven't even LOOKED at in years on that account, I found this "job description" my "Sista" in Arizona sent to me way... back... in....... 2007! It was pretty dusty, but I blew the cyber-dust off and decided it needed to be share.

Why?

Because I am one of those mom's going through my own reality check at this moment. You know the one where you sit back and cry for days about how you spent ALL this time since your kids were born, taking care of them, loving them, kissing their boo-boo's, buying just the right toys on birthdays and holidays, spend hours listening to the most ob-NOX-ious stories you have ever heard and smiling/laughing politely, but enthusiastically....

ONLY TO HAVE YOUR FREAKING KIDS

TELL YOU THEY HATE YOU,

YOU'RE RUINING THEIR LIVES

AND WILL NOT DO A DAMN THING YOU ASK THEM TO!

I'm glad I stored this email away because it came in very handy this morning as I was having one of my *pity me* crying fits for the 4th day in a row. I had forgotten that this is what to expect in the life of a mother.

That, and the fact that my husband had to remind me,

because that's why he HAS to do from time to time,

that the kids will never change,

but I can change

because I have the bloody common sense to at this age,

and they don't!

So for all you mothers/fathers who may be experiencing to some degree, the same as I am right now.... this is for you.

It is also for those mothers/fathers who are living in a temporary state of love, kisses, and coo's. Wise up! It's NOT gonna last long and this is to prepare you for what lies ahead!

By the way....

Thank you Deborah for sending this to me so many years ago.

Thank you for sharing your wise, wonderful, and humorist advice with me.

This really came in handy today!

Thank you to my husband for hearing me, advising me, but NOT lecturing me this morning. Words cannot tell you how much this was appreciated!

*A PARENT'S JOB DESCRIPTION*

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed for challenging and permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates MUST possess excellent communication, ongoing psychic abilities, and organizational skills, and be willing to work variable hours which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel is required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses are not reinbursed. Extensive couriers duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITES:

The rest of your life! Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard or playroom are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as:

small gadget repair
mysteriously sluggish toilets
stuck zippers

Must also have some medical expertise in case of minor cuts, scraps, or the removal of spitballs from a nasal cavity.

Must screen phone calls maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing for at least a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final and complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance, maid work, and janitorial throughout the entire facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:

None! YOUR job is to remain in the SAME position for years - without complaining. You are expected to constantly retrain and update your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually physically and emotionally exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this - YOU pay THEM!

Offering them frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption and hope that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do only more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays, and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

In Case Anyone Was Wondering......

2011-01-20T20:30:00.002-06:00

My kids haven't officially tied me up in a closet and left me there and made off with all my stash of chocolate ....

I'm just taking some much needed time off for myself and my family right now.

I do this from time to time and for some reason, people think I have died or something. I was hoping they would think I ran off to Paris with some....... massive quantities of chocolate!

Actually, that's NOT a bad idea.

Right now I'm in my *creative* mode. I've been sewing and playing Martha Stewart (yeah... right!), as I'm "redesigning" my living room, selling unwanted/un-needed furniture and wares, clearing crap out to make room for the new crap I'm gonna replace it with.

It's the American way these days! Hoarding. Is. Good!

I'll be back soon enough with pictures to prove how I destroyed my house in several easy steps.

Till then..... Drink Plenty of Pinot Nior, eats fab amounts of dark chocolate, and love yourselves dearly!

It's OK To Ask For Help During the Holidays

2010-12-08T12:08:00.008-06:00

How's that holiday cooking going so far? If it's like mine, you haven't even come close to gathering all those ingredients in those 7-20 recycled grocery bags yet. There is so much going on around here these days that I can't even think beyond making dinner every night.

But I WILL pull out holiday baking - somehow - someway!

Holiday cooking involves the assistance of ALL four of my chef påtissier's! Which usually means it takes me till January 15th to clean everything up! It gets that messy. Not to mention my kitchen is half the size it was last year!

This year is going to be a bit special since Nadia's best friend from Florida will be joining us for a week to join in all the Christmas chaos in my kitchen. I plan on teaching her how to make homemade marshmallows and the delicate art of making the corn syrup stick to every stinking pan we use. It's something I've perfected over the years.

So here's my list of baking spécialités I plan on sending out as gifts:

White Chocolate Candy-Cane Fudge
Dark Chocolate Candy-Cane Fudge
White and dark chocolate marbled Candy-Cane Fudge (this is getting ridiculous!)
SnackerJacks
Marshmallows
Gingerbread Boys (cause the men always hog up the pan!)
Cinnamon Bun Cakettes (the midget form of cakes)
Peanut Brittle (my dad's fav - a must have every Christmas!)

Now, with all the shopping that needs to be done AND the decorations that are STILL in complete disarray on my living room floor AND all the cleaning/laundry/hiding kids clothes under the bed, ON TOP OF the baking/cooking/burning the kitchen down that has to be done -

something has got to give here!

I need help - and badly. Since the candy cane fudge is new on the list this year, I really don't want to mark this one out, and the same goes with the marshmallows because I want to show my fourth daughter, how to make it. So what does a time-strapped mom do? Ask for help from one of my fav candy departments - See's Candies.

Since I'm pretty much gonna cover myself and the rest of the kids in corn syrup from the marshmallows, I'm ordering the peanut brittle this year from See's Candies because I just love everything they sell there and their candies never let me down. This stuff is about as homemade as I can get with growing the peanuts myself!

It is the BEST and butter-est peanut brittle outside of my own recipe. In other words - this stuff rocks! My dad will never know the difference - and he's very picky about his peanut brittle! Plus, I'll be saving so much money (because half my ingredients I buy get eaten by my other half before I even start cooking!), I'm ordering a bunch for my own family this year.

A little for them.... more for me.... a little for them.... much more for me!

Then I'll lie to them and say I made it cause they'll never know the difference either! They'll be too busy UN-sticking themselves from the corn syrup and pans to notice.

So to continue my budget-conscious, keeping it simple theme this holiday season, do yourself a favor and let someone else handle some of the cooking for you this year, plus save yourself some time, money, and a LOT of sanity as well.

If you do, then you will have your kitchen cleaned by..... January 2nd!