Welcome New Year. And hello, friends and new readers. As always, thanks for ’stopping by’. I am excited to announce my launch of two new blogs for Sweetgrass Ceremonies. Lately I’ve reflected upon my ideal clients and what YOU may want to read. I’ve also looked at my compilation of work as a Life-Cycle Celebrant® heartcrafting, leading and guiding ceremonies. With this review emerged my inspiration for these NEW blogs:

Love – Weddings – Unions

&

Celebrations of Life – Memorials – Home Funerals

By posting in these areas of focus, I aspire to bring you relevant resources and fresh awareness about timely topics in your lives. I write with genuine enthusiasm for pausing to celebrate life passages through ceremony. I offer you glimpses of the work I do with individuals, couples, families and communities. I also bring you resources for finding your own way into meaningful ceremony.

In this new year I strive to increase our dialogue (nudge-nudge: please follow and comment!), expand awareness and elevate creativity when it comes to celebrating LIFE — from birth to death — and all the messy, lovely, funny and tough moments in between.

Thank You for coming into the conversation!

Kristine

I must admit I’m not a Mom, yet I do aspire to be the coolest Aunt ever! I don’t have a reservoir of kid wisdom. Although, I’ve experienced a few successful ways to involve kids in ceremonies, be it weddings or memorials.

We’ve all seen adorable flower girls, ring bearers or candle lighters. Here are a few ideas beyond the ‘usual’ to consider:

• Bring kids into the creative process. While planning a ceremony, the logistics may be overwhelming. Stepping back with a more childlike frame of mind to make it fun and really bring kids into the fray, might just help! I welcome this with families. For example, have a processional led by children and ask them what kind of happy noises they want to make! (e.g. bells? kazoos? rattles?)

• Ask if they want to participate. If so, offer meaningful roles. Many times we see more formal roles for kids where they have to stand still and be cute for pictures. Not always easy to achieve! That is slowly changing though, as this article suggests. What if they were more actively participating, say by exchanging family vows or symbolic gifts? Or reading from a family’s favorite children’s book? Wouldn’t that be more fun?

• Let them review the ceremony script and offer editorial suggestions. No, I’m not kidding. They might offer up surprising advice that helps the ceremony feel more real to them and everyone present. I just had this  happen last week, when two super-fly boys were helpers with the Ring Warming for their Dad’s wedding.

Hopefully, these quick ideas – plus the fun in-depth articles I’ve linked to – offer plenty of fresh ways to bring kids into whatever ceremony you might be planning!

Have fun,

Kristine

When I lead ceremonies, (especially smaller, more intimate and emotionally expressive kinds) holding space is often my most foundational function. During larger scale celebrations with 150+ people, I also hold space for the couple, individual or family being honored. Within this spectrum of the quietly intimate to larger forum, I feel very solid and attuned in this active role.

Thanks to recent nudges from a dear sister in our Tucson Threshold Choir, I’m offering my explanation as food for thought. (And I’d love to develop a dialogue in the comments below!) As I see it, this is a juicy subject with relevance for all of us in our daily living.

Based on the sum of my experiences in this moment, holding space for others involves enacting a few key behaviors:

• Authentic Listening. Tuning in beyond verbal exchange with unadorned curiosity, we open ourselves to receiving information from non-verbal cues, the greater setting or context and the frequency of energy people bring into the space.
• Pure Presence. Coming into the space feeling centered and checking ego at the door, we suspend judgment – yet allow room for creative discernment – so we may open the possibilities for authentic expression or movement to occur.
• Wholeheartedness. Seeing the expanse of what is possible, we enter into the experience unafraid of unknowable emotions that may well up. We are there for the wholeness of the experience - the funny, sad, beautiful, ironic, strange, irreverent, loving – you name it.
• Embracing Silence. Understanding that brief clarifying questions  followed by simple pauses and even long stretches of ‘wordlessness’ may be the most productive use of time for everyone present.

Here are words from a courageous women with whom I just worked to co-create a personal ceremony during a transition in her life. She illustrates how I actively held space for her:

“Kristine is a gifted, sensitive, very real (not woo woo) spiritual facilitator. She so skillfully weaves together symbols, and elements from rituals derived from many different eastern, western and southwestern cultures and traditions to co-create a very personal and intimate ceremony.  She quieted her ego to allow my story to emerge and unfold. She listened and was ever present, so as to be able to interject subtle questions or thoughtful comments to encourage the healing to flow through the foggy and rough patches.”

As you’ve read this, I imagine you’re recalling the times you’ve held space for others, without even knowing it perhaps! And now, you have a few expansive ideas for the next opportunity that awaits you.

Do let me know how it goes!

Kristine

Last night I found myself in his book “To Bless the Space Between Us”, drinking up his chapter States of the Heart. My heart feels heavy with recent challenging news of the world; namely events in Norway and the Horn of Africa. And yet I realize I cannot let myself become paralyzed by sadness, too. I need to let myself claim arising emotions and release them. During my work writing and leading ceremonies, I realized I am a catalyst for doing much of the same! This is especially true during personal transitions that face loss. Although even in weddings (depending upon the clients’ stories),  we may include a time for remembrance. A time when hearts do speak their bare emotions or memories to gently ease burdens.

I need to share a passage from O’Donohue’s chapter I mentioned above. It is timely and oh, so true to me (to us?) now:

Because the heart dwells in unattended dark, we often forget its sublime sensitivity to everything that is happening to us. Without ever noticing, the heart absorbs the joy of things and also their pain and care. Within us, therefore, a burdening can accrue. For this reason it is wise now and again to tune into your heart and listen for what it carries. Sometimes the simplest things effect unexpected transformation. The old people here used to say that a burden shared is a burden halved. Similarly, when you allow your heart to speak, the burdens it carries diminishes, a new lightness enters your body, and relief floods the heart.

My ritual? Riding my horse and singing my heart.

Whether through a simple conversation with a friend, a journal entry, a comforting ritual or a full-on ceremony – I agree with John that allowing our hearts to speak may lighten our beings.

And my question naturally follows: How are you allowing your heart to speak?

Cheers to inhabiting that lightness!

Kristine

And yet, as I said those words, I wondered if we are emerging with new practices that stretch beyond ‘non-traditional’. When I say ‘we’ I mean: couples who want their ceremony to reflect their one-of-a-kind beliefs and a Celebrant like myself who helps guide them. Simply put: We are making ceremonies REAL. (Most definitely not rote and one size fits all!)

This story from CNN about interfaith and multicultural weddings supports this idea. I think this passage speaks to why:

Unlike prior generations, contemporary couples aren’t afraid to tinker with the order of a ceremony or the wedding traditions that have, in the past, seemed intractable. Also, many contemporary couples are older when they marry, so they’ve had more time to travel, work and become more educated.

These are the couples with whom I love to work: they are mature, they’ve traveled and they know themselves well. Whether or not two people come from different ethnic traditions, based upon various life experiences, they may hold vastly different beliefs. Judaism and Hinduism, for example. In these situations, another passage from the CNN article includes helpful ideas from Susanna Macomb, a widely known Officiant and Author:

Finding commonality between traditions can make a ceremony meaningful, but make sure to have someone explain the symbolism to the wedding guests, or most will be in the dark, says Macomb. Also, she advises intercultural weddings can seem more cohesive if an officiant and readers incorporate some native languages into the ceremony as a nod to family members who have traveled from another part of the world.

As a certified Life-Cycle Celebrant® who leads weddings, this is one of the things I do best: finding commonality between traditions – beliefs – values to make a ceremony meaningful. In our training as Celebrants, we delve deeply into symbolism. We consider and enact ways to bring universal explanation into the script, so guests may resonate with the message delivered. This is especially helpful during multicultural ceremonies, where guests may be unfamiliar with certain elements!

Enjoy the journey, if you are planning a multicultural or interfaith wedding! Feel free to leave comments or questions, too . . .

Kristine

We’ve all heard the tune Amazing Grace countless times, right? Maybe via someone singing or bagpipes playing. (Always better than a recording!) I even sang it once for a family at a graveside committal; the first time the song’s meaning sunk into me. It is a beautiful tune with compelling lyrics, despite it being mildly omnipresent at memorials.

Back to my goose bump experience, though. Have you ever heard Amazing Grace played on the accordion? By a man, eyes closed, with a stance so grounded he looks to be summoning the Divine right up from the earth through his very feet? And then the Divine comes literally flowing out of his instrument directly into people’s hearts?

Well, there it is. That is what I witnessed. Unreal. With his utterly transcendent musical talent, he reached into people’s hearts with so much grace, the notes felt sacred. Tears were flowing. I swear, the vibrations of every note he played sent healing waves of release into every fiber of our beings. The feeling in the room was surreal. The deceased’s son and daughter jumped to their feet with applause saying, “thank you, thank you!”.

What an exquisite musical choice, made entirely by the family.

This experience along with others, leads me to offering a few tips for musical choices during any celebration, whether focused on new life, love or even loss. Here is what I observe that makes a difference:

• Family connection to the musician(s). When the family or friends surrounding the honorees really know the musician or musical group, the selection and performance is guided by shared values. Given expectations are spelled out clearly, this makes the music more relevant and full of meaning for everyone attending.
• Personal history with the music and lyrics. Even if the music is recorded, if the song transports you to a memorable time, it has powerful resonance. It may transport a couple during their wedding to that moment they first met. It may remind a mourning family of when the deceased shone in life. The more shared the history, the more poignant hearing the music becomes.
• Placing the music at a pivotal point in the ceremony. This may take some stepping back to consider the emotional arc of the whole ceremony. For example, with this accordion performance I’m gushing about: it occurred right after I delivered tough words to hear. Honest words about the nature of the death we were present to grieve. The music kindled a space for emotional expression that was needed, right then, and not a moment later.

As I write, I am so thankful for having these experiences and sharing my observations with you. This is wondrous work families do when they celebrate their lives. I am humbled to support families as a ceremonial guide. And as this post attests, I am energized by walking beside them!

Kristine

The deceased may have departed some time ago; weeks or even months have passed. With the passage of time, the rawness of loss seems less harsh, as compared to a funeral near the time of death. Yet grief may surface unexpectedly, too. It is this upwelling – of painful loss felt in a public space – that I think people may fear. There is a sense of vulnerability that coincides. And so often as a result in our culture, no ceremony is held to acknowledge, let alone truly celebrate the life lived.

So why then, hold a Celebration of Life? Based on my experiences leading, supporting and witnessing families and communities through these events, here is my take:

• Guests mingle in a comfortable place, to help each other carry what is too big to carry alone. Holding a hand, sharing a story, looking into eyes full of tears, offering to help with end-of-life ‘chores’, embracing – within a relaxed or familiar setting – all of these exchanges help to ease the burden of loss. (Likely venues I’ve seen include parks, HOA clubhouses, favorite family restaurants, homes, or boutique resorts that hold meaning somehow.)

• Everyone present has a collective moment to recognize what it meant for the deceased to live. This is inextricably linked to having a ceremony or ritual portion of the Celebration. What I usually suggest is a brief ‘program’ piece during the gathering, where I help people pause and reflect upon the honoree. (It might just involve a standing ovation!) The collective power of those moments tap into something bigger than all of us combined.

• It supports and reminds the mourners that life is full of connection, despite their loss. Yes, it is a fragile or vulnerable time. And yet, there is always one or more stories that yield knowing smiles, nodding heads and even great waterfalls of laughter. The delight in knowing connections live on and might even expand post-death is a great consolation. A great healing.

These are just a few ideas among MANY reasons why holding a Celebration of Life is plain good and worthwhile. Do you have more to contribute? If so, please do!

Kristine

This week I tried the nifty ‘Question’ feature on my Sweetgrass Facebook page. I asked what the phrase ‘personalized ceremony’ means to friends. I was hoping they’d help me dig a little deeper. (And I’ve now found my favorite FB feature!) So far I’ve heard back with an honest and fabulous range of thoughts:

“For me, words are not enough to make something personalized. Honestly, I don’t find that human vocabulary can truly bring something to the realm of touching or personal. I find that seeing the emotions/faces/gestures of my close friends and family truly make any experience personal.” ~ Ashley

“My (our) story, beliefs, values, culture and aspirations are reflected throughout the whole ceremony.” ~ Monica

“Created with heart – with and for me – with understanding of my story.” ~ So far, this captures the winning number of votes!

I find this pleasantly revealing, because I’ve been leaning toward the phrase ‘heart-crafted’ to describe my ceremonies more clearly. Why? Well, personalized makes me cringe a wee bit. I’ve employed it before and not felt quite right with it. The ceremonies I co-create with people are more than personalized, more than custom-tailored; more than these familiar adjectives, because my ceremonies genuinely arise from my heart. Whether a Baby Blessing, Wedding or Memorial – it is a real, relevant and meaningful experience for my clients and their guests.

The way I imagine, compose and lead a ceremony reflects my lifetime of curiosity, observations, reading, listening and emotional learning . . .all of which somehow mixes in a magical alchemy with the stories of the unique people I serve.

So for now at least, I’ll be heart-crafting ceremonies in the Old Pueblo.

Always in Gratitude,

Kristine

“So come to the pond,

or the river of your imagination,

or the harbor of your longing,

and put your lips to the world,

And live your life.”

The way she reads this last line is what gave me pause. Gulp.

Am I?

Are you?

Always with Love,

Kristine

During my ceremony services, I find myself in a wide range of settings: from hike-in weddings atop Mount Lemmon to intimate home garden weddings to lavish all-out parties with 200 guests at high-profile venues. I enjoy every kind, because I get to see my clients manifest their own visions for their celebration.

I'm under the chuppah, clapping happily for newly married Ali & Kevin!

The DIY clients with whom I work often place a high priority on the ceremony itself. As Ali (see left), suggests in a recent thank you note to me, it is literally the threshold into wedded life. She wrote, “We had so many people come to us and tell us how unique our ceremony was. I can’t imagine a better ceremony to enter into marriage with.”

A straight up DIY wedding may mean a couple does the whole ceremony and celebration themselves, potluck style. A more multi-faceted approach is what I’m eluding to here: a couple leads and plans the effort and enlists the help of a few vendors along the way. In that spirit, I offer some fab contacts for DIYers out there – or for anyone planning an event!  Here are a few folks with whom I’ve worked recently . . .

In the realm of photography, there are so many talented people, it is tough to name one! A lady I truly admire though, is Sarah Neyhart. Her goal is “to bring fresh, fun and modern photography to Southern Arizona.” And does she ever! I love her style and presence.

In the sound department, if you want tunes beyond what your ipod offers, PLUS desire a great flow to the whole event, contact Marc at CE Entertainment. His energy, enthusiasm and professionalism as a DJ/MC are tough to beat around Tucson. (He and I have this in common: we each spend around 30-40 hours working on your event before the big day!)

You can find a huge array of decor goodies for your special day at Arizona Party Rental. Ask for Mollee, she’ll be an excellent guide for finding whatever-you-need on your list. And to wrap it up for now, my most fave online repository for DIY ideas lives at Offbeat Bride. Seriously. Where else can you find directions for making your own undies, vintage banner or lightsaber cake knife – all on the same page?!

Have fun!

Kristine